PrettyBoyAJ
Master Don Juan
You should have nc as soon as she divorced you but betterr late then neverJustWuzzle said:
The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)
- Thread starter Daydream Engineer
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JustWuzzle
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Believe me man I tried she kept calling me tell me she loved me. She texted me last night I erased them and put a block on her texts (you can do that). She's using me til her tax money get her then she's gonna be a CNA and get a car so she won't have to use me. I'm refusing to do anything for her, I'm tired.PrettyBoyAJ said:
JustWuzzle
Don Juan
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actually I will say I use to go as far as stalking my ex. I don't know what the hell was wrong with me. I had major problems letting go. I use to ask why, why would someone so great do this to me treat me this way.Then I realized it doesn't matter why she did this to me it just matters that she did it. Like they say judge by actions not words. The funny thing is this girl says I got her wet a couple times with some of the things I did. Not anymore I have no need to go over there her "friend" said I don't deserve a good girl she's right I deserver a great girl.
Just wanted to post somewhat of a success story:
Day 1, minute two, I deleted her from my phone, but saved her number somewhere else.
After about 17 days of NC, she texted me to apologize but I didn't reply. After 81 days of NC, I sent her a very brief 'good luck' text the night before she had a big business thing going on in a hotel where we had spent three very hot days & nights. she text back the next morning and a couple times that day, all positive and reminiscent of those hot times there. i dropped a brief reminder of part of it, and i think i felt the tingle through the phone.
so:
she probably kept me in her phone
she didn't bring up the bad stuff (like telling me to stop contacting her)
she used exclamation points in positive sentences
she remembered stuff we did as "awesome" and "lot of fun"
i let her have the last text, and i'll give it a week to see what happens. for now, I think NC works. It worked for me (I used the 81 days to lose 30 pounds add muscle and get back in shape physically/professionally/mentally). I'm undecided if I need it to work for us though.
Day 1, minute two, I deleted her from my phone, but saved her number somewhere else.
After about 17 days of NC, she texted me to apologize but I didn't reply. After 81 days of NC, I sent her a very brief 'good luck' text the night before she had a big business thing going on in a hotel where we had spent three very hot days & nights. she text back the next morning and a couple times that day, all positive and reminiscent of those hot times there. i dropped a brief reminder of part of it, and i think i felt the tingle through the phone.
so:
she probably kept me in her phone
she didn't bring up the bad stuff (like telling me to stop contacting her)
she used exclamation points in positive sentences
she remembered stuff we did as "awesome" and "lot of fun"
i let her have the last text, and i'll give it a week to see what happens. for now, I think NC works. It worked for me (I used the 81 days to lose 30 pounds add muscle and get back in shape physically/professionally/mentally). I'm undecided if I need it to work for us though.
PrettyBoyAJ
Master Don Juan
You guys have a bad conception of what No Contact is. No contact isn't for winning back your exes. No contact is for forgetting your exes.
I think you're mostly right. But, I think it's off to think that everyone will literally forget their ex(es), especially someone whom you deemed important enough to go through this whole 60-day process to "forget." It seems to me that it's more about realigning your priorities and only forgetting about her because you've made other things more important to worry about -- like one self.
Note that I said I'm undecided if I need it to work for us... whether it is or it isn't, I'm making it my decision now.
It's what you make it.
Note that I said I'm undecided if I need it to work for us... whether it is or it isn't, I'm making it my decision now.
It's what you make it.
starplayer
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I haven't posted on this thread in a few months, but i'm feeling a bit weak recently.
-Haven't spoken to her in over a year.
-Haven't seen her in person in months.
-Haven't looked at her facebook since the start of the year (which was a real problem before).
It's all helping a lot and sometimes i don't even think about her now. But the reason i'm posting is because i've felt like i might cave in the last couple of weeks. I feel like i might look at her facebook and see pics of her with her new bf which always makes me feel sh!t and leads to a downwards spiral.
Hopefully it will pass and i won't go into self-destruct again. This is definitely one of the worst oneitis experiences i've ever had, but i know i'll be over her for good one day.
I've basically done everything I can to keep her out of my life. All i need now is to meet some new girls that i like as much as i liked her, because until that happens i don't think i can really put the nail in the coffin and get this b!tch out of my head.
One thing's for sure: if it wasn't for NC i'd be a right mess now.
-Haven't spoken to her in over a year.
-Haven't seen her in person in months.
-Haven't looked at her facebook since the start of the year (which was a real problem before).
It's all helping a lot and sometimes i don't even think about her now. But the reason i'm posting is because i've felt like i might cave in the last couple of weeks. I feel like i might look at her facebook and see pics of her with her new bf which always makes me feel sh!t and leads to a downwards spiral.
Hopefully it will pass and i won't go into self-destruct again. This is definitely one of the worst oneitis experiences i've ever had, but i know i'll be over her for good one day.
I've basically done everything I can to keep her out of my life. All i need now is to meet some new girls that i like as much as i liked her, because until that happens i don't think i can really put the nail in the coffin and get this b!tch out of my head.
One thing's for sure: if it wasn't for NC i'd be a right mess now.
PrettyBoyAJ
Master Don Juan
starplayer, do yourself a favor and delete your facebook. This will help a lot.
ELMER_GANTRY
Don Juan
If she dumped you, she did it for a reason, and you shouldn't be contacting her. It gives her the power over you if you keep texting or calling her. Some guys will even cry and plead to get her back. Then she will say no wonder I dumped this guy and if there is even a glimmer of hope to get back with her, it will be extinguished.
She dumped YOU so make her feel stupid for doing that. make her wonder herself and make her think why did I dump this guy?
That is why you shouldn't call her at all. Even if she tries to call you. Make her wonder about you. She probably has another guy lined up and is already talking to others. So that is why you should start talking to other girls and dont dwell on her. It will take your mind off your ex.
30 days, 60 days, it doesn't matter if she has someone else already most likely she will be dating another guy. wait for her to contact you. If it is before 30 days then you don't reply. If she does after 30, then it should be your decision how you want to go about it.
If she wants you back, she will come back to YOU, and you will know it. If not, don't waste your time, get false hopes, and torture yourself on a girl who doesn't have strong feelings for you. Start meeting other girls and word will get back to her and that will make her think.
She dumped YOU so make her feel stupid for doing that. make her wonder herself and make her think why did I dump this guy?
That is why you shouldn't call her at all. Even if she tries to call you. Make her wonder about you. She probably has another guy lined up and is already talking to others. So that is why you should start talking to other girls and dont dwell on her. It will take your mind off your ex.
30 days, 60 days, it doesn't matter if she has someone else already most likely she will be dating another guy. wait for her to contact you. If it is before 30 days then you don't reply. If she does after 30, then it should be your decision how you want to go about it.
If she wants you back, she will come back to YOU, and you will know it. If not, don't waste your time, get false hopes, and torture yourself on a girl who doesn't have strong feelings for you. Start meeting other girls and word will get back to her and that will make her think.
...Falcon25 said:
WhatsHisName
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Day 24
This is my first post
I found this website a couple of weeks ago, right after my ex left me, and it has helped me get through things tremendously.
I initiated no contact about a week after the breakup and have been successful so far. But I'm not going to lie, its been the hardest thing in my life.
Quick background - I dated this chick for 5 years (all through college, like an idiot), moved in with her a year ago, we both talked about marriage, kids, the whole nine yards; then one day, out of the blue, she said we needed to talk. She said she wasnt happy enough with me and didnt consider me husband material. (at the time, i was looking at engagement rings) Obviously, this was a total shocker, It was like a didnt even know who the f this person was. I've never seen her act or talk like this to me before. So yeah, I got booted out of her apt and have been crashing on my friends couch for the past few weeks, looking for a new place.
I've been pretty miserable since then, crying everyday for the first week or so. but the last week has been ok - getting better sleep and all that. Exercise helps.
This girl is/was my best friend, and I thought we were going to spend the rest of our lives together.
Sidenote- My first attempt at no contact failed, I was a week into and she sent me an email - in it she asked how I was planning on paying my half of the rent for the first two weeks of the month that I was still living with her. What a *****.
I responded by saying Really? I left you this and that, payed for half of all this and that (i left a lot of furniture and other things at the apt because we split it when we purchased it).
Then she responded with " im sorry, i wasnt trying to offend you, thanks for leaving the things you left. I love you and I miss you"
So this is my second stint at NC and the above email from her is the last time I've had contact with her, 24 days ago.
I did see her the other day walking her dog with a gf of hers, she didnt see me, i was driving back from work, but i thought i was going to have a heart attack. Ha. This sucks.
This is my first post
I found this website a couple of weeks ago, right after my ex left me, and it has helped me get through things tremendously.
I initiated no contact about a week after the breakup and have been successful so far. But I'm not going to lie, its been the hardest thing in my life.
Quick background - I dated this chick for 5 years (all through college, like an idiot), moved in with her a year ago, we both talked about marriage, kids, the whole nine yards; then one day, out of the blue, she said we needed to talk. She said she wasnt happy enough with me and didnt consider me husband material. (at the time, i was looking at engagement rings) Obviously, this was a total shocker, It was like a didnt even know who the f this person was. I've never seen her act or talk like this to me before. So yeah, I got booted out of her apt and have been crashing on my friends couch for the past few weeks, looking for a new place.
I've been pretty miserable since then, crying everyday for the first week or so. but the last week has been ok - getting better sleep and all that. Exercise helps.
This girl is/was my best friend, and I thought we were going to spend the rest of our lives together.
Sidenote- My first attempt at no contact failed, I was a week into and she sent me an email - in it she asked how I was planning on paying my half of the rent for the first two weeks of the month that I was still living with her. What a *****.
I responded by saying Really? I left you this and that, payed for half of all this and that (i left a lot of furniture and other things at the apt because we split it when we purchased it).
Then she responded with " im sorry, i wasnt trying to offend you, thanks for leaving the things you left. I love you and I miss you"
So this is my second stint at NC and the above email from her is the last time I've had contact with her, 24 days ago.
I did see her the other day walking her dog with a gf of hers, she didnt see me, i was driving back from work, but i thought i was going to have a heart attack. Ha. This sucks.
Some Call Me Tim
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Starting it up right fvcking now. We go to university together, have many of the same friends / same lessons off. In theory we have a lot of time together. I'm going for it. Strictly business when I have to engage her in conversation, other than that, I'm a ghost. I get the feeling that her attraction has almost completely died, still, it'd be interesting to see if it affects her in the slightest.
Day 1 right here
Day 1 right here
PrettyBoyAJ
Master Don Juan
I feel like I wasted 2 years in a relationship. I should have dumped her ass in the first months I dated her but I didnt listen to advice and let it go on. This caused several arguments. I knew this was coming but didn't want to believe it would. We hadn't had sex since January and I told her then that a relationship without sex is just a friendship. and she Said We were in a relationship. We live together for a year and as soon as she transfer we still argue the same. She then says that this feels like a friendship rather then a relationship. I didn't respond at all because I would have just cussed her ass out and make myself madder then I was. If there is some advice I can give is always follow your gut. And if your GF is not having sex with you. It is for a reason. and lastly never listen to what a girl says. Go off her actions.
WhatsHisName
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Day 58
So Ive been doing pretty well, been keeping busy and trying to keep my mind off of her.
I went on a run yesterday and was jogging down the sidewalk when I saw her and some dude hanging out at a outdoor bar/restaurant right along the sidewalk. She saw me coming, quick looked down, looked back up, smiled and waved. I gave a nod and continued my run. Yikes
Thankfully I was on a run, because after seeing her and him, I needed to get rid of some negative energy.
It really does suck seeing the one you love(d) with another guy, but thats life, right? Anyway, Im 2 days away from 60 days of no contact, that the longest Ive gone without talking to her since 2007. Goodness
Anyway, what I'm learning: Dont dwell on the sad stuff,
do what you love, and live well.
you gotta GET BUSY LIVING, or get busy dying,
So Ive been doing pretty well, been keeping busy and trying to keep my mind off of her.
I went on a run yesterday and was jogging down the sidewalk when I saw her and some dude hanging out at a outdoor bar/restaurant right along the sidewalk. She saw me coming, quick looked down, looked back up, smiled and waved. I gave a nod and continued my run. Yikes
Thankfully I was on a run, because after seeing her and him, I needed to get rid of some negative energy.
It really does suck seeing the one you love(d) with another guy, but thats life, right? Anyway, Im 2 days away from 60 days of no contact, that the longest Ive gone without talking to her since 2007. Goodness
Anyway, what I'm learning: Dont dwell on the sad stuff,
do what you love, and live well.
you gotta GET BUSY LIVING, or get busy dying,
irishgerry
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Well lads I've been keeping tabs on the forum and decided to join in. I'm on Day 17 of NC with the ex. We work together which so far hasnt been tough but today she just emailed me some work related stuff which was very odd, my friend said she is trying to initiate conversations, i didnt get in to it. I just replied to one and cc'd a guy who the email was more relevant towards and said "cheers". Ive done the usual, blocked from gtalk today, hadnt doen it before because I didnt even want to talk to her. Never friends on facebook so didnt have to delete that and checked her facebook profile photo once about a week ago. deleted her number but have been out drinking and have not wanted to contact her. i think im doing much better then i thought i would, especially better then the last relationship when i begged and drunk text loads! 43 more days to go!
Heartbreak
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Hi
this is my first post on here so hope im doing this right..My ex broke up with me 5 weeks ago as he wanted space and didnt really know what he want...Im going to try and give you a quick rundown...I have known this guy 20 years and got imvolved with him 2 years ago to which he had just come out of a 2 year affair..his ex was still living with another guy ( complicated sorry ) but my ex thought he was in love with her ...well anyway 7 months ago she left her guy and moved into the next street which I was fine about then a couple of months ago my guy was becoming more distant...and basically im sure he doesnt know who he wants although he wont admit it..all he says to me is that he needs to sort his life but that he does love me ...soout so after a huge argument where he kept saying he needed space I gave it to him !! that was 5 weeks ago I have never once intitiated contact ..he has ...random txts and calls so 2 weeks ago we were speaking for ages on the phone and he said heloves and missed me so like a fool I went up and spent the night...but before trying to reconnect slowly I said would you like to go for a drink ? to which he said yes...anyway in the morning I said speak later and never heard anything so I the went NC and 5 days later a randon txt to which I ignored then next day another one I ignored again...then last weekend I had a call actually in space of 5 hours I had 8 calls which I never answered as I was trying so hard to have NC...then I just txt to say leave me alone...so I have backed off and have not been his friend which is what he wanted hen he dumped me....and still he tries so I am on here for support as I suppose in a way I am on day 2 with no contact...even tho I have disappeared from his life 5 weeks ago..
this is my first post on here so hope im doing this right..My ex broke up with me 5 weeks ago as he wanted space and didnt really know what he want...Im going to try and give you a quick rundown...I have known this guy 20 years and got imvolved with him 2 years ago to which he had just come out of a 2 year affair..his ex was still living with another guy ( complicated sorry ) but my ex thought he was in love with her ...well anyway 7 months ago she left her guy and moved into the next street which I was fine about then a couple of months ago my guy was becoming more distant...and basically im sure he doesnt know who he wants although he wont admit it..all he says to me is that he needs to sort his life but that he does love me ...soout so after a huge argument where he kept saying he needed space I gave it to him !! that was 5 weeks ago I have never once intitiated contact ..he has ...random txts and calls so 2 weeks ago we were speaking for ages on the phone and he said heloves and missed me so like a fool I went up and spent the night...but before trying to reconnect slowly I said would you like to go for a drink ? to which he said yes...anyway in the morning I said speak later and never heard anything so I the went NC and 5 days later a randon txt to which I ignored then next day another one I ignored again...then last weekend I had a call actually in space of 5 hours I had 8 calls which I never answered as I was trying so hard to have NC...then I just txt to say leave me alone...so I have backed off and have not been his friend which is what he wanted hen he dumped me....and still he tries so I am on here for support as I suppose in a way I am on day 2 with no contact...even tho I have disappeared from his life 5 weeks ago..
Heartbreak
New Member
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Hi
this is my first post on here so hope im doing this right..My ex broke up with me 5 weeks ago as he wanted space and didnt really know what he want...Im going to try and give you a quick rundown...I have known this guy 20 years and got imvolved with him 2 years ago to which he had just come out of a 2 year affair..his ex was still living with another guy ( complicated sorry ) but my ex thought he was in love with her ...well anyway 7 months ago she left her guy and moved into the next street which I was fine about then a couple of months ago my guy was becoming more distant...and basically im sure he doesnt know who he wants although he wont admit it..all he says to me is that he needs to sort his life but that he does love me ...soout so after a huge argument where he kept saying he needed space I gave it to him !! that was 5 weeks ago I have never once intitiated contact ..he has ...random txts and calls so 2 weeks ago we were speaking for ages on the phone and he said heloves and missed me so like a fool I went up and spent the night...but before trying to reconnect slowly I said would you like to go for a drink ? to which he said yes...anyway in the morning I said speak later and never heard anything so I the went NC and 5 days later a randon txt to which I ignored then next day another one I ignored again...then last weekend I had a call actually in space of 5 hours I had 8 calls which I never answered as I was trying so hard to have NC...then I just txt to say leave me alone...so I have backed off and have not been his friend which is what he wanted hen he dumped me....and still he tries so I am on here for support as I suppose in a way I am on day 2 with no contact...even tho I have disappeared from his life 5 weeks ago..
this is my first post on here so hope im doing this right..My ex broke up with me 5 weeks ago as he wanted space and didnt really know what he want...Im going to try and give you a quick rundown...I have known this guy 20 years and got imvolved with him 2 years ago to which he had just come out of a 2 year affair..his ex was still living with another guy ( complicated sorry ) but my ex thought he was in love with her ...well anyway 7 months ago she left her guy and moved into the next street which I was fine about then a couple of months ago my guy was becoming more distant...and basically im sure he doesnt know who he wants although he wont admit it..all he says to me is that he needs to sort his life but that he does love me ...soout so after a huge argument where he kept saying he needed space I gave it to him !! that was 5 weeks ago I have never once intitiated contact ..he has ...random txts and calls so 2 weeks ago we were speaking for ages on the phone and he said heloves and missed me so like a fool I went up and spent the night...but before trying to reconnect slowly I said would you like to go for a drink ? to which he said yes...anyway in the morning I said speak later and never heard anything so I the went NC and 5 days later a randon txt to which I ignored then next day another one I ignored again...then last weekend I had a call actually in space of 5 hours I had 8 calls which I never answered as I was trying so hard to have NC...then I just txt to say leave me alone...so I have backed off and have not been his friend which is what he wanted hen he dumped me....and still he tries so I am on here for support as I suppose in a way I am on day 2 with no contact...even tho I have disappeared from his life 5 weeks ago..
BettorOffSingle
Banned
Yawn.
This is the "one and done" rule from OUTFOXING THE FOXES, and applies to ANY time you're not getting what you want from a chick, not just getting dumped. The idea is to set up for a "returning fox." The mere act of ignoring her puts the burden on her to reengage.
When I debuted this theory in 1998, it was RIDICULED for being too passive, and for men who use it not having the "bolls" to be "real alpha males." Meanwhile, this "beta" approach was working wonders for me. Of course, my tendency to PISS WOMEN OFF clued me in, since many returning foxes were the kind who said "never talk to me again." My FIRST returning fox, however, was my first kiss, to whom I sent two love letters (she had kissed me goodbye for the school year and I got her address in Miami), got the "good friend" letter in response, then promptly FORGOT, assuming all chances were dead. They weren't.
Read Bettor Off Single Field Report #0.3 for how that turned out (she turns up in my history class after having her brother "say hello" for her a week earlier).
Either way you win: if she returns, you ask for whatever you wanted, and send her packing again if you don't get it, and if she doesn't, then your time is freed up to find an actual "live target."
As the ORIGINATOR of this version of the rule, I feel qualified to comment.
Ray Gordon
This is the "one and done" rule from OUTFOXING THE FOXES, and applies to ANY time you're not getting what you want from a chick, not just getting dumped. The idea is to set up for a "returning fox." The mere act of ignoring her puts the burden on her to reengage.
When I debuted this theory in 1998, it was RIDICULED for being too passive, and for men who use it not having the "bolls" to be "real alpha males." Meanwhile, this "beta" approach was working wonders for me. Of course, my tendency to PISS WOMEN OFF clued me in, since many returning foxes were the kind who said "never talk to me again." My FIRST returning fox, however, was my first kiss, to whom I sent two love letters (she had kissed me goodbye for the school year and I got her address in Miami), got the "good friend" letter in response, then promptly FORGOT, assuming all chances were dead. They weren't.
Read Bettor Off Single Field Report #0.3 for how that turned out (she turns up in my history class after having her brother "say hello" for her a week earlier).
Either way you win: if she returns, you ask for whatever you wanted, and send her packing again if you don't get it, and if she doesn't, then your time is freed up to find an actual "live target."
As the ORIGINATOR of this version of the rule, I feel qualified to comment.
Ray Gordon
Lil Magic
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Day 1
This is not in response to being dumped by an ex, but rather by a chick who I was interested in and apparently expressed too much interest in to quickly. Originally, she had returned the interest I thought at least until I found out that she was talking about me behind my back after we had hung out a few times, to one of my good friends whom she had met just that day but was apparently hitting on. Anyway, she had apparently thought I'd come on to her too strongly and too quickly and felt "creeped out," although based on what she had sent to me via txt, it was completely different. She said she got the vibe that I must only want her for sex, considering she's a college freshman and Im a junior, which is completely opposite to my thoughts. But I was really pissed earlier when my friend told me what she had said about me. I've calmed down a lot and I actually wanna try out this No contact thing and see how effective this is, considering I'm not im love with her, just slightly interested. Lets test this out.
This is not in response to being dumped by an ex, but rather by a chick who I was interested in and apparently expressed too much interest in to quickly. Originally, she had returned the interest I thought at least until I found out that she was talking about me behind my back after we had hung out a few times, to one of my good friends whom she had met just that day but was apparently hitting on. Anyway, she had apparently thought I'd come on to her too strongly and too quickly and felt "creeped out," although based on what she had sent to me via txt, it was completely different. She said she got the vibe that I must only want her for sex, considering she's a college freshman and Im a junior, which is completely opposite to my thoughts. But I was really pissed earlier when my friend told me what she had said about me. I've calmed down a lot and I actually wanna try out this No contact thing and see how effective this is, considering I'm not im love with her, just slightly interested. Lets test this out.
