Ignore it. She is looking for validation. She just wants to know that you are her safety net.
Ignore it and delete it.
The "Just Got Dumped" GUIDE
- Thread starter Metaphysical
- Start date
Ignore it and delete it.
I'm with ya on that. Soooo hard though. I want to engage her just because the way she dumped me was kind of weird - with a bunch of confused texts saying she doesn't know what to do and she's not sure but you deserve better then me blah blah blah. And for months and months before that text it was nothing but "I love you soooo much!!!" But I know that if I do reply, I'll just get sucked back into her same swirl of crap that will go nowhere and eventually lead me right back to where I am. I mean, I'd take her as a side chick because she's super hot and the sex was great but I dunno if that's even worth it, or possible.
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Sounds like she was breaking up with you to go after another guy. Things didnt go as planned for her now she suddenly misses you. Dont fall for it. If she was all i love yous and the suddenly doesnt know what she wants then she blew it. She blew her chance with you. When you know youre the prize, you can hold your head high with confidence knowing she blew it, and you did nothing wrong,
Move on. Meet new women.
Dash Riprock
Master Don Juan
Damn, it pains me to read this, guy.
Dude, you're 42. C'mom. Man up. If you go crawling back you'll be a chump and lose all dignity. SURE she's blowing up you're phone. duh, she's a f*ucking woman and now her security blanket is gone (you). She'll keep you "warm" until someone else comes along if he hasn't already. Most women have a really hard time letting go even when they do the dumping. They need to wean off of you until their "good."
F*uck that.
Grow a pair, go NC, and focus on YOU.
IDGAF + Abundance Mentality will get you further in LIFE, personal, professional, romantic, than anything else. Remember that.
Good luck.
~Dash
Thanks gang! Love all the honest comments. Really good stuff to think about.
Have been laying low the last few days, taking care of myself. Reached out to an old FWB from a few months ago and started spinning one new plate. Also connected with some regular social world friends who I've been neglecting since I've been wasting time on this other girl so much. I'm good for now....moving on....
Have been laying low the last few days, taking care of myself. Reached out to an old FWB from a few months ago and started spinning one new plate. Also connected with some regular social world friends who I've been neglecting since I've been wasting time on this other girl so much. I'm good for now....moving on....
My gf of 14 months left pretty damn heartlessly at the end of January this year.
We had no real issues between each other. We vibed and clicked easily and were friends at work for close to a year before dating, during this time she came back to my desk every day batting her eyelashes non-stop every day and being intimately close in my space just to touch me and get her boobs up against me.
First date in November 2017 we made out with ease, 2nd date next weekend sex, and within about 4 weeks she wanted to know if we were exclusive.
I take full responsibility for screwing everything up come end of March 2018. I got her pregnant as she stopped taking birth control a few weeks after we started dating. Her first instinct was abortion which I don’t believe in, but it was her decision so I had to be there and support her. Next week she acted like nothing happened and wanted to meet my mom for the first time. I told her sure and she was set to meet her on Sat at our home. I felt like I wasn’t ready to get serious and married and didn’t want to hurt her and that if I did this it would make it all even more serious and I would waste time and hurt somebody who was always my friend that I cared about who wanted to get married and have a family. Called her up before coming and told her so and broke it off out of nowhere.
Hours later came some of the most hate filled text I’ve ever seen from a girl who up to that point had been pure sweet and gentle for the entire time we dated and knew each other as friends. Wishing me the worst, calling my mom a racist ***** (ex is black, I’m white), me a loser, insulting my **** size, etc. I responded kind and lovingly to all of it. Next day she texted apologizing.
We got back together next week bc I thought I made a dumb decision and went out again, but my mom blasted me for getting back with a girl who would say the things that she did and so did family friends. So I broke it off again. We agreed to be friends. Next day i went over to hang out and be friends and we kissed right off the bat and headed to the bedroom.
3 weeks later after me taking her out the previous 2 weekends and thinking all was good, she doesn’t answer me on a random tues night. Next day at work she tells me she left her phone in the gym that night. We hang out that afternoon and she tells me that she doesn’t see this going to the end and can we be friends. I say no way and walk away. She walks down the street crying and begging for me to please talk to her and let’s discuss this about our friendship and being in each other’s life. I say no, and she tells me she needs time and space bc I’ve hurt her really bad
She goes to Miami with her family. Comes back and instantly sneaks up behind me at work on Mon and kisses me. 2 days later she won’t anymore. I get suspicious and find her on Tinder. I screen shot it to her and blasted her about it. She tried to say that we’re on a break and it’s none of my business.
So yeah she ends up sleeping with a guy 2 days after being on there. And the guy that she left her phone in the gym with about a month later.
After hooking up with tinder dude she texts me on Sun that she misses me and still loves me. We get back together bc I put a lotnof work in (not knowing about any of these guys for sure yet).
I let her come meet my mom and dad in May 2018. Everything goes well. Next night she tells me late that she’ll call me in a bit as she’s on the phone with her bff. Later find out she’s seeing and screwing around with the guy from the phone in the gym night.
Anyways everything goes good all summer and fall. Our bdays are June and July. I traveled with her and her family for her bday. Found out at that vacation that she had basically screwed around. Was furious and texted a buddy. She saw his reply onpy and tried to make me feel bad and say that she didn’t do anything with anybody and didn’t appreciate me talking **** about her to my friends.
For my bday she made a dish to bring to a meal that my mom makes every year for me, and it resulted in her showing up about 45 min late and red eyed from being half drunk (only I could tell). Then she left earlier than anybody.
We go to Jamaica for vacation in Sept. All good until the last day when she’s drunk gets mad at me over me confronting her in front of somebody about getting her ass back to the hotel room bc I thought our passports were stolen. She starts darting her finger in my face, being violent, mean, demeaning, I finally say FU ***** at her, and she punches me in the face. Gets ready to do it again a few min later sonI chucked her on the bed by the throat. That ended that reap quick with her crying. She then tried to slam and break my phone.
Well 2 hours later she is sorry and buying blow for us to do. Later that night she reads my texts to my brother asking what I need to do to make us work bc my mom and dad don’t like her. She tells me we have no future and doesn’t wanna be a part of my family.
Next morning all is well. We get back and my mom’s bday is a week later and she tells me to wish her happy bday even though she knows she doesn’t like her. We continue on having fun and having sex. Bad **** happens when my mom overhears me talking to a friend late at night about her punching me and us using blow. Next day my mom is heartbroken to hear all that and tells me to not bring her back.
Ex starts a new job where she travels for training. Her hours change to where she’s at home at 7:30’instead of 6:30 and it’s winter, dark, and cold, and she’s in bed by 9:30 every night. We see each other on weekends.
Starting early December she claims she’s religious now, and isn’t having sex until she gets married and doesn’t want me to leave any more beer in her apt. My dog is in the process of dying from an ear tumor and my parents make me feel like **** for leaving them to deal with her 10 hours a day on weekends while I go off and just have fun. I’m stuck in between a rock and a hard place. I choose to take care of my dog, not spend the night (especially not for a girl no longer having sex with me), and continue to hang out on weekends.
I buy her an $850 necklace for Christmas. She got me a nice $100+ gift too. We have sex that night. But brings up that she’s traveling home in 2 days bc I didn’t invite her to Christmas and she was tired of not being invited. She said after thanksgiving that she would spend xmas with us so i told her cool. One week after no sex December started she said she was going home so I guess I was supposed to beg her and say no no no you have to be with me. Mrs suddenly dedicated to God randomly buys blow again before going saying “it’s the holidays I deserve to have fun.”
Gets back and is furiously mad on sat that I haven’t called her (she said on fri she was going out with her gay boss and would call me when leaving, and she never did so I wasn’t gonna plead). She suggests a break bc it was obvious I didn’t want to be bothered and neither did she now. I told her no. Next day she texts me sad and she misses me, and says she thinks she is depressed about her pregnant sister and her mom’s drama. We patch everything up and spend NY together. Again no sex.
January starts and she comes over to my house with my parents gone. Telling me she’s going to SC to see her bff. Yelp review later shows her being in our state that night at the bar with some friends. Next weekend says her bff is coming to visit. We hang out the next weekend and make out at the movies, act all loving and she tells me she’s going to a party for the AFC championship with people from work (she works in a satellite office not with a company of people). I wasn’t invited. Called her after the game and she sends me straight to vm.
Call her out on that two days later and she doesn’t remember doing it and says if she did it was only bc she was out.
Next day comes a “there’s been something on my mind can we talk.” She calls and gives me the speech about how my family doesn’t like her and she’s not allowed to come around ever, and she doesn’t want that for me or her, and she ultimately wants to get married and that she thinks I don’t and just wanna date for forever and have fun and will never progress it to that, and we don’t really see each other anymore and we’re not growing.”
I tell her I don’t agree, and she asks can we still talk and be a part of each other’s life. I tell her I don’t know but had to go get on a work call. Texted her I loved her and to take care. She said the same. A text the next week to tell her I loved her again and wanted to move in and give her what she wanted and show her I was serious. All I got was we’ll talk when I get back in town (she wasn’t out of town as 1 week before dumping me she let me spend $250 on college bball tickets for my fav team and she acted all excited and happy). That call never came. And the next text was just flat out ignored.
I went NC since then and not a peep from somebody I was friends with for 2 years and lovers for 14 months.
Yelp review from her shows her traveling with a new guy less than 3 weeks after dumping me. So she cheated or monieybranched. That **** hurts to know. Like “wow I really meant a lot to you didn’t I.”
As stupid as it is right now I would take her back. I’m just hoping all feeling drop over time and I don’t even wanna talk to her if she does reach out. I actually hope she tries to get me back and tell her no, but that seems like it’s far fetched bc once she’s done with exes I believe she’s done and can move on to the next like none of us ever existed. Until she’s single for a few months and wants an ex for friendship companionship again. Sigh what a sad enging to somebody I wanted in my life always. I wish we never dated and just stayed friends. She owes me $1450 to top it off and is making really good money now.
We had no real issues between each other. We vibed and clicked easily and were friends at work for close to a year before dating, during this time she came back to my desk every day batting her eyelashes non-stop every day and being intimately close in my space just to touch me and get her boobs up against me.
First date in November 2017 we made out with ease, 2nd date next weekend sex, and within about 4 weeks she wanted to know if we were exclusive.
I take full responsibility for screwing everything up come end of March 2018. I got her pregnant as she stopped taking birth control a few weeks after we started dating. Her first instinct was abortion which I don’t believe in, but it was her decision so I had to be there and support her. Next week she acted like nothing happened and wanted to meet my mom for the first time. I told her sure and she was set to meet her on Sat at our home. I felt like I wasn’t ready to get serious and married and didn’t want to hurt her and that if I did this it would make it all even more serious and I would waste time and hurt somebody who was always my friend that I cared about who wanted to get married and have a family. Called her up before coming and told her so and broke it off out of nowhere.
Hours later came some of the most hate filled text I’ve ever seen from a girl who up to that point had been pure sweet and gentle for the entire time we dated and knew each other as friends. Wishing me the worst, calling my mom a racist ***** (ex is black, I’m white), me a loser, insulting my **** size, etc. I responded kind and lovingly to all of it. Next day she texted apologizing.
We got back together next week bc I thought I made a dumb decision and went out again, but my mom blasted me for getting back with a girl who would say the things that she did and so did family friends. So I broke it off again. We agreed to be friends. Next day i went over to hang out and be friends and we kissed right off the bat and headed to the bedroom.
3 weeks later after me taking her out the previous 2 weekends and thinking all was good, she doesn’t answer me on a random tues night. Next day at work she tells me she left her phone in the gym that night. We hang out that afternoon and she tells me that she doesn’t see this going to the end and can we be friends. I say no way and walk away. She walks down the street crying and begging for me to please talk to her and let’s discuss this about our friendship and being in each other’s life. I say no, and she tells me she needs time and space bc I’ve hurt her really bad
She goes to Miami with her family. Comes back and instantly sneaks up behind me at work on Mon and kisses me. 2 days later she won’t anymore. I get suspicious and find her on Tinder. I screen shot it to her and blasted her about it. She tried to say that we’re on a break and it’s none of my business.
So yeah she ends up sleeping with a guy 2 days after being on there. And the guy that she left her phone in the gym with about a month later.
After hooking up with tinder dude she texts me on Sun that she misses me and still loves me. We get back together bc I put a lotnof work in (not knowing about any of these guys for sure yet).
I let her come meet my mom and dad in May 2018. Everything goes well. Next night she tells me late that she’ll call me in a bit as she’s on the phone with her bff. Later find out she’s seeing and screwing around with the guy from the phone in the gym night.
Anyways everything goes good all summer and fall. Our bdays are June and July. I traveled with her and her family for her bday. Found out at that vacation that she had basically screwed around. Was furious and texted a buddy. She saw his reply onpy and tried to make me feel bad and say that she didn’t do anything with anybody and didn’t appreciate me talking **** about her to my friends.
For my bday she made a dish to bring to a meal that my mom makes every year for me, and it resulted in her showing up about 45 min late and red eyed from being half drunk (only I could tell). Then she left earlier than anybody.
We go to Jamaica for vacation in Sept. All good until the last day when she’s drunk gets mad at me over me confronting her in front of somebody about getting her ass back to the hotel room bc I thought our passports were stolen. She starts darting her finger in my face, being violent, mean, demeaning, I finally say FU ***** at her, and she punches me in the face. Gets ready to do it again a few min later sonI chucked her on the bed by the throat. That ended that reap quick with her crying. She then tried to slam and break my phone.
Well 2 hours later she is sorry and buying blow for us to do. Later that night she reads my texts to my brother asking what I need to do to make us work bc my mom and dad don’t like her. She tells me we have no future and doesn’t wanna be a part of my family.
Next morning all is well. We get back and my mom’s bday is a week later and she tells me to wish her happy bday even though she knows she doesn’t like her. We continue on having fun and having sex. Bad **** happens when my mom overhears me talking to a friend late at night about her punching me and us using blow. Next day my mom is heartbroken to hear all that and tells me to not bring her back.
Ex starts a new job where she travels for training. Her hours change to where she’s at home at 7:30’instead of 6:30 and it’s winter, dark, and cold, and she’s in bed by 9:30 every night. We see each other on weekends.
Starting early December she claims she’s religious now, and isn’t having sex until she gets married and doesn’t want me to leave any more beer in her apt. My dog is in the process of dying from an ear tumor and my parents make me feel like **** for leaving them to deal with her 10 hours a day on weekends while I go off and just have fun. I’m stuck in between a rock and a hard place. I choose to take care of my dog, not spend the night (especially not for a girl no longer having sex with me), and continue to hang out on weekends.
I buy her an $850 necklace for Christmas. She got me a nice $100+ gift too. We have sex that night. But brings up that she’s traveling home in 2 days bc I didn’t invite her to Christmas and she was tired of not being invited. She said after thanksgiving that she would spend xmas with us so i told her cool. One week after no sex December started she said she was going home so I guess I was supposed to beg her and say no no no you have to be with me. Mrs suddenly dedicated to God randomly buys blow again before going saying “it’s the holidays I deserve to have fun.”
Gets back and is furiously mad on sat that I haven’t called her (she said on fri she was going out with her gay boss and would call me when leaving, and she never did so I wasn’t gonna plead). She suggests a break bc it was obvious I didn’t want to be bothered and neither did she now. I told her no. Next day she texts me sad and she misses me, and says she thinks she is depressed about her pregnant sister and her mom’s drama. We patch everything up and spend NY together. Again no sex.
January starts and she comes over to my house with my parents gone. Telling me she’s going to SC to see her bff. Yelp review later shows her being in our state that night at the bar with some friends. Next weekend says her bff is coming to visit. We hang out the next weekend and make out at the movies, act all loving and she tells me she’s going to a party for the AFC championship with people from work (she works in a satellite office not with a company of people). I wasn’t invited. Called her after the game and she sends me straight to vm.
Call her out on that two days later and she doesn’t remember doing it and says if she did it was only bc she was out.
Next day comes a “there’s been something on my mind can we talk.” She calls and gives me the speech about how my family doesn’t like her and she’s not allowed to come around ever, and she doesn’t want that for me or her, and she ultimately wants to get married and that she thinks I don’t and just wanna date for forever and have fun and will never progress it to that, and we don’t really see each other anymore and we’re not growing.”
I tell her I don’t agree, and she asks can we still talk and be a part of each other’s life. I tell her I don’t know but had to go get on a work call. Texted her I loved her and to take care. She said the same. A text the next week to tell her I loved her again and wanted to move in and give her what she wanted and show her I was serious. All I got was we’ll talk when I get back in town (she wasn’t out of town as 1 week before dumping me she let me spend $250 on college bball tickets for my fav team and she acted all excited and happy). That call never came. And the next text was just flat out ignored.
I went NC since then and not a peep from somebody I was friends with for 2 years and lovers for 14 months.
Yelp review from her shows her traveling with a new guy less than 3 weeks after dumping me. So she cheated or monieybranched. That **** hurts to know. Like “wow I really meant a lot to you didn’t I.”
As stupid as it is right now I would take her back. I’m just hoping all feeling drop over time and I don’t even wanna talk to her if she does reach out. I actually hope she tries to get me back and tell her no, but that seems like it’s far fetched bc once she’s done with exes I believe she’s done and can move on to the next like none of us ever existed. Until she’s single for a few months and wants an ex for friendship companionship again. Sigh what a sad enging to somebody I wanted in my life always. I wish we never dated and just stayed friends. She owes me $1450 to top it off and is making really good money now.
Pathological
Don Juan
- Joined
- Aug 16, 2019
- Messages
- 59
- Reaction score
- 10
- Age
- 29
Nothing happened. No contact. Depresaion kicked in and besides gym and the part time job I live like a NEET. Nothing works for me anymore. Nothing is fun anymore. 2 and a half months passed.
CaptainNotSoObvious
Don Juan
- Joined
- Dec 10, 2019
- Messages
- 87
- Reaction score
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- 46
I agree 100% with this 10 years old guide!
NEVER re-assure a woman after a breakup. NEVER tell her you will always be there for her, or worst, NEVER tell her that you will be waiting for her.
Make it as hard and stressing on her as you can.
Cut all contact, make her jealous, fcuk with her mind.
NEVER re-assure a woman after a breakup. NEVER tell her you will always be there for her, or worst, NEVER tell her that you will be waiting for her.
Make it as hard and stressing on her as you can.
Cut all contact, make her jealous, fcuk with her mind.
Max Baker
Don Juan
One thing i'll raise with the OP. That guide is brilliant but it fails to mention one thing. If the woman is high quality then yes that's how you should act. But crying and begging a couple of times and being a friend for a short space of time doesn't really matter with a low quality woman. I know dealing with a low quality woman shouldn't even be on anybody's agenda (i know now), but take my ex for example. I did those things i just mentioned a couple of times, stayed around because she got really sick but hardly or never initiated contact. She partnered up quickly and proceeded to contact me behind the guys back for the first 13 months of her relationship. Tells me what i did didn't affect her that much. And then the feelings started coming out on her end. In my opinion, most guys make mistakes post break up, but time covers up all that.
Does the same processes described in this post work when you don't call her several days after date?
How about when you have sex with her and she feels emotions from good sex, doesn't that overdrive her emotions and she feels in love?
How about when you have sex with her and she feels emotions from good sex, doesn't that overdrive her emotions and she feels in love?
AureliusMaximus
Master Don Juan
Is this really needed because it is so easy?
You just go out on the clubs with your mates (or whatever) and pickup a new chick as fast as possible and fu'ck her hard and next day you have forgotten all about the previous girl.
Can't fail and always works. At least it has for me.
TheNewStyle123
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Dec 10, 2020
- Messages
- 622
- Reaction score
- 464
Great post dude. Just copied and emailed this to a friend of mine who REALLY needs this advice right now hahaha.
deadmasterx
Senior Don Juan
Such a great post that I spent almost half an hour translating it to Portuguese so my friend could have a good step-by-step guide of how he should do. Thanks for the knowledge, gentleman.
deadmasterx
Senior Don Juan
Yes, it makes sense indeed. But the main point cases of dumping are because the guy has been too much of a nice guy. When she breakup, what does she expect from a nice guy? That he stay in the background, giving her validation for nothing, coming after her lifting her ego up until she can finally move on to someone else.
Wanting or not, she likes the attention she gets from the guy she dumped, and she's gonna miss it. Naturally, she will find a lot of other guys to give her that validation, but the main thing is that if ex doesn't give it to her, she'll feel hurt and anxious of why is it happening. That's when the whole trama starts to happen.
thermodynamic
Senior Don Juan
- Joined
- Aug 21, 2022
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- 128
I like this post. The first solid content that made it worth joining this forum.
thermodynamic
Senior Don Juan
- Joined
- Aug 21, 2022
- Messages
- 212
- Reaction score
- 128
I re-iterate, this is the best post on this site. Question - how do you deal with situations in which the girl did not loose attraction but left you because you got caught cheating ? Does this change anything ?
thermodynamic
Senior Don Juan
- Joined
- Aug 21, 2022
- Messages
- 212
- Reaction score
- 128
One person posted as to whether you should go out of your way to ignore or just casually give a lack of attention. I would say this depends on whether she left in a way that was disrespectful or made you feel bad - if so - then yes she needs to re-earn your affection. If not go ahead and pickup and act like your busy.
startstrongtoday22
Don Juan
- Joined
- Nov 26, 2022
- Messages
- 102
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- 98
i know this post is super old, but i cannot thank the author of it. we are now in 2022, and this post saved me and it helped me tremendouly. going no contact, and ignoring all of the calls, texts, really helped me heal and at the same time see the ex go through some anxiety. she even called at 12 a.m., sent a stupid message saying she regrets calling me and me not answering, then advances two days later to call 3 times in a row. it's great to move on.
M
member160292
Guest
That takes a lot of courage, kudos!!
Welcome! Stick around and help the new guys here
