Stood up ROYALLY

[KarmaSutra]

So, which Plate did you go ƒuck instead of waiting around for this flake?

Why is it always the most obvious questions I overlook?

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

To see what is what is right in front of us takes a constant effort.

 

[slaog]

After the first time she flaked it was time to lay down the law. It looks like str8up didn't do this. It was an opertunity to show her that you're not like the other AFC's and won't tolerate ignorant behaviour. Unfortunatly Str8up missed this oppertunity but it's another lesson learned.

 

[Knight's Cross]

Lesson learned here? Well it shouldn't even be 2 or 3 strikes your out. I've found that 1 strike is enough. After that you have just shown that you will tolerate it again. Then you wind up on SS complaining about it. You may( and I do stress may), be unintentionally ejecting a quality chick early, but the ODDS are against that. No, a woman that wants to be with you isn't ready for the date today, she's ( as another poster put it) ready yesterday. She will climb ALL obstacles to be with you.

Lesson learned.

KC

 

[STR8UP]

Trust me, she is out of my life.

Technically, this would be her third strike, but to my detriment I counted the last two as one (women are great at throwing out excuses).

My only thing is how to remove her from my Myspace. I know, Myspace is for kids blah, blah, bullsh!t, but it's one of those things where I don't want to stir up a bunch of sh!t amongst my common friends, but at the same time I have no need to have a person on there who I no longer wish to have contact with.

Blue- you don't ask a chick why she flakes, because a woman is incapable of owning up. She will rationalize and lie, and probably believe her own BS.

If you read this quote above, from a distance, you will see how she set you up to be a'wishin and a'hoping ,while she set up a few other options and then chose one which was NOT you.

Because you apply a misguided " I don't burn bridges" policy, you allowed yourself to continue playing into her games instead of losing her number long ago.

" I don't burn bridges" translates to " I will continues to befriend any chick regardless of her past bad behavior because she just MIGHT get naked with me one night ".

Frankly STR8uP, you ought to be doing a whole lot better that this.
You were outplayed dude, by a 22 year old brat.

I hate to say it, but you are exactly right.

I didn't want to go into my theories as to WHY she did this, but it goes right back to the "A" guy or the "batter up" scenario, where you have one guy she is focusing her attention on, and she will drop everything else (including her "backup" who she might have had plans with, if "A" guy steps up to the plate).

I suspect, through bits and snippets she told me over the last few weeks, that there might be one of these guys. And to be perfectly honest, the bad feeling I got was because my crystal ball told me that I might have been being played to get this guy to step up. She would take my call or call me telling me she just got out of the movies "with a friend", talk about how excited she was to be coming to visit, then cut the convo short with, "Well I'm being rude, I'll call you later".

Bingo. Other guy who is not giving her the full amount of attention she wants is standing next to her, next thing you know her plans with me are cut off without so much as a call when he realizes that he needs to step it up. Classic pu$$y power in action.

The not buring bridges policy serves me well, but you have to be careful how far you take it. like I said, two strikes you're OUT. I didn't follow my own rule and this is what I get.

Oh and Str8up- keep in in mind that she's gonna try to lure you into the "losing" position again with sex/promise of sex- namely one where you forgive/forget her past indescritions in exchange for sexual favors. So your options are:

Too bad for her, because she has officially lost her shot.

She's going to do what she did last time and when things don't go well for her with her plan "A" she's going to try to com back to me with a sob story that I'm not going to listen to.

Trying to get sex from her is a lost cause. It might not be impossible, but it isn't worth it. I don't have time to play games to get laid. If it's on my time it's one thing....disrespect my time and I have no use for you.

I learned a long time ago that women as friends are never real mates. They are acquaintances with tits who I might hang out with from time to time. They have no sense of loyalty, they are selfish and they add almost zero value to your life when you need them most.

Keep them around if you are ****ing them, want to **** them, or having them around helps you **** other women. Other then that, its a waste of time and energy IMO.

I totally agree with you. the main reason I hang out with women from time to time is either when it is in a mixed group going downtown, which creates social proof and is a lot more fun that a "hunting pack" made up of only horny dudes.

I have a woman "friend" or two that i might hang out with one on one, but it's more to entertain myself and to use them as pivots to get my foot in the door with other women.

This particular one though....lets put it this way. She actually MOVED three hours away to my city for like a week (she couldn't afford it and had to move back home) so she could be close to me. To say that she was obsessed with me for a period of time would be an understatement. I fukked her brains out in my jacuzzi, on my bed, in the shower, and in a hotel room. The first night we hooked up she snubbed her best friend (who had the hots for me) by jumping into my jacuzzi and getting naked. The best friend stormed out giving me the finger. Classic. She even offered to make me breakfast in bed the next morning when she was still half drunk from the night before.

So you can forgive me if I assumed that I had a little more leverage with her than I obviously do. My only real mistake was not going with my gut and telling HER to get lost, and not having taken action (cut her off) the last time she was here and pulled some disrespectful crap.

She more than likely knows this and takes the attitude that STR8UP will always have that desire.

This is true, but she is in for a rude awakening.

As much as I am a "second string" player in her eyes now, she is not going to be happy when she comes around wanting more attention from me and doesn't get it.

So, which Plate did you go ƒuck instead of waiting around for this flake?

Actually, I didn't wait around for her. Our last convo was that she was practically begging me to go to this birthday party with her, after I had already been invited to a Christmas party that held much better prospects for me. I didn't tell her "no", but my plan was to feel out the party I wanted to go to WITHOUT her, and possibly meet up with the other party later in if nothing panned out.

I was essentially going to put HER on "B" status where she belonged. Guess I didn't need to. I was gonna pull the same crap with her that chicks pull on us, and she doesn't even call or show. Hows that for a slap in the face!

Lesson learned here? Well it shouldn't even be 2 or 3 strikes your out. I've found that 1 strike is enough.

I would say that 4 out of 5 times you end up saving yourself some time since only about 20% are going to have a legit excuse and end up coming through, but with women you never know. I'm willing to give the benefit of the doubt ONCE. It's only when I have broken this rule that it has caused me needless grief.

And I agree that if she's ready, she's ready "yesterday", but this is only on super high interest women. You can't let super low interest women control your life, but at the same time there are going to be a lot of women in between that might take a little extra nudge to put them in that state that will make them do anything to be around you.

 

[STR8UP]

If you have the game to acquire and maintain that lifestyle; and also to seduce hotties and "nail them in my "jacuzzi", why have you been tooled repeatedly by a 22 year old?

See previous post about how I thought I was "IN".

Why remove her? Don't confirm for her that what she did actually bothered you.

Indifference.

I very much agree.

The thing is, it isn't the ACTION, it's the INTENT. The intent is to remove her from my circle...NOT to exact revenge, although it would bother the hell out of her if I did that.

My biz partner is pretty clued up and he said the same thing, and I agree, it's just that I'm not trying to send a message, I am trying to eliminate a point of contact. The problem is, by removing the pont of contact it DOES send a message, like it or not.

I suppose i will not take any action. Whatever. It isn't that big of a deal to ME anyway.

Ended up going out tonight with her best friend and her rommmates tonight. The subject came up. Her best friend asked me, "Are you disappointed that she didn't come down this weekend?"

I pretty much laid it on the line, told her that I honestly was GLAD that she didn't come but it was still fukked up the way she handled it and that I have no desire to have contact with someone so unreliable any more. I told her that she is now my official spokesperson and she could tell this chick whatever she wants on my behalf...i don't care.

The other roommate, my buddy, later on when the chicks were in the bathroom, told me to AVOID this chick at all costs. I know he knew mor than he was letting on, but I don't really care so I didn't press any more for details, but i let him know that I know the score and that I am done with trying to be accomodating.

I wasn't pissy or agitated about the situation to her best friend ( who incidentally acknowledged her poor behavior) or anyone else. I was matter of fact about the whole thing. I'm sure some of this will eventually get back to her, so well shall see how it plays out.

 

[Knight's Cross]

I started writing this thinking I would put out some good gouge on the whole web based network site idea, and why it's problematic. Well see STR8UP's posts. He's now in a conundrum. "Do I remove her". Does anyone else see an issue here that's broader? That the whole Facebook/Myspace concept is chicklike in origin. It's all about indirect communication. That in itself is female based. To make friends, keep them, delete them, etc. It's all done indirectly. You can do it thru a keyboard and a mouse. You don't have to tell the person, in person.
In the real world it's masculine to make/ delete friends live. Now with this little 22 YO most would agree to just walkaway shaking our heads will suffice. What STR8UP has on his hands is the problem of what to do now in the "online world of the social website". This is why I believe it's flawed for the DJ to even be on the sites in the first place.
STR8UP, I'm not trying to bash you. You've provided a clearer view thru your constant interactions with the opposite sex than probably any 10 other SS posters combined. I just post this in the quest to bring it to everyones attention.
KC

 

[GuanYu]

Interesting you bring that up because I have several women that I've hit and quit months ago that still have me as "top friends" or listed "relationship" on facebook.

MySpace and Facebook were made for chicks. It's setup for them to gather a plethora of reserve c0cks while nonchalantly going about their daily lives. I rarely get on anymore just because I'm tired of lookin at a bunch of made up ho's looking pretty for the camera while flashing their peace signs or middle fingers. It's also disturbing when I see so many dude AW's on there too with 200+ pictures. Even though I've met and gotten a lot of tail through those sites, providing too much info cripples guys chances from what I've seen. I usually initiate convo through face/space then everything else is done in person. I hardly ever carry on conversations and such on there.

 

[decades]

many of us warned you that you were palling around with a classic user. but you made excuses to stay friends with her and to keep her in your life. The result is you feel "harmed" by her "being her". Examine your own decision, not her. You keep these losers in your life. Dump them and find quality people. Don't worry about what it does to your "social circle" or what she thinks about your decision.

Decisive quick action is called for here not the usual Paralysis by Analysis. You wanting to stay connected with her via the virtual world is simply delaying and meandering about the decision to pull the plug on her with finality. As long as she is on your "friends list" you retain hope that someday she may see how wonderful a guy you are and not flake on you when she wakes up some morning and decides to throw a few table scraps your way. I don't care if you delete her off your list or not. The point is to get to a place where you no longer care about her and not posting threads about her. It will require no contact and no contact is easier when there are no easy ways for contact.

I disagree with the others who say it sends the wrong message. To me it sends the exact message I would want to send: I no longer want anything to do with you!!

 

[grinder]

Another great thread STR8UP hitting all the topics the board loves to debate: 1) giving chances/nexting/burning bridges, 2) women as “friends”, and my fav 3) buffers such as MySpace/FaceBook/texting.

Since this has all been thrashed about endlessly I will not regurgitate it again.

I think the masses need to be reminded that when you actually become a DJ there are no rules, no DJ Do’s and Don’ts, and no immutable laws. Rules and laws are for those who need them.

As for what I would have done on the day you were stood up? I would have sent a text and it would read “?”, not contact her again and use benign neglect to slowly allow her to qualify herself back into my world on my terms. But you can only afford to do this from a point of power, and, of course having multiple plates spinning.

 

[STR8UP]

As for what I would have done on the day you were stood up? I would have sent a text and it would read “?”, not contact her again and use benign neglect to slowly allow her to qualify herself back into my world on my terms. But you can only afford to do this from a point of power, and, of course having multiple plates spinning.

I don't consider her to be a "plate", and I know that every minute I spend interacting with her is a minute that could be spent doing something else, but after thinking about last night I am ALMOST tempted to send this girl into an emotional tailspin.

The thing is, now I have a pretty good idea that I DO have more leverage over her than I thought. My buddy told me last night something to the effect of "You need to treat her like SH!T. She will eat it up and love you for it". I told him that i don't have any desire to deal with her anymore, but he insisted that I should do it if for no other reason than the amusement factor.

Here's what I think. It seems that this party she was supposed to attend there was a $45 cover for some reason. When I didn't agree to be her date, she knew that there was no chance of getting her free dinner.

Now what I think is happening is that she is "hiding" from me. I think she DOES care about what I think and she is terrified of having to "face me".

Last time she pulled some crap I let it be known that I was "disappointed". She HATED that. But I think it was better than being "pissed", for me anyway.

So now I'm on the fence. I found out last time from her best friend that the last time this chick pulled some sh!t I had her in tears. Maybe I should do it again and THEN walk away. After all, the other point of walking away (aside from cutting your own losses) is to most effectively "put her in her place". With a chick where you have no leverage this is the ONLY way to play it. If you do have leverage (you can fukk with her emotionally, maybe even making her "get it", to a point) you can exploit that and maybe it WILL indeed teach her a bit of a lesson.

Since now I think she is simply avoiding repercussions of her actions, I'm THIS close to making her answer to them. I mean really cut deep. Call her out on the "user" behavior. Tell her what I really think, which is that I might as well have picked up some bar slag, made her quesadillas and let her stay at my place for the night since at least I would have gotten some pu$$y out of that deal.

Knowing what I know now it would tear her up. And she DOES deserve it, I just wasn't aware that I had that much of an influence over her at this point. Now all I have to do is decide whether I want to waste any time messing with it.

I started writing this thinking I would put out some good gouge on the whole web based network site idea, and why it's problematic. Well see STR8UP's posts. He's now in a conundrum. "Do I remove her". Does anyone else see an issue here that's broader? That the whole Facebook/Myspace concept is chicklike in origin. It's all about indirect communication. That in itself is female based. To make friends, keep them, delete them, etc. It's all done indirectly. You can do it thru a keyboard and a mouse. You don't have to tell the person, in person.
In the real world it's masculine to make/ delete friends live. Now with this little 22 YO most would agree to just walkaway shaking our heads will suffice. What STR8UP has on his hands is the problem of what to do now in the "online world of the social website". This is why I believe it's flawed for the DJ to even be on the sites in the first place.
STR8UP, I'm not trying to bash you. You've provided a clearer view thru your constant interactions with the opposite sex than probably any 10 other SS posters combined. I just post this in the quest to bring it to everyones attention.
KC

I agree with you about Myspace and Facebook being social tools that are mainly for the benefit of women, however, I believe they can benefit men as well, which is why I have both.

I don't believe that it is "flawed" for a DJ to have these accounts, but the whole "top friends" and relationship status things are points of contention. These are the specific things that can get you into trouble.

I think what I am going to do is hide my top friends list and relationship status
buttons.

To be honest, I don't really feel the specific need to "delete" her, ESPECIALLY not to send any kind of a message. I just don't see why she should be a "top friend" when I have no desire to talk to her.

 

[DJDamage]

I learned a long time ago that women as friends are never real mates. They are acquaintances with tits who I might hang out with from time to time. They have no sense of loyalty, they are selfish and they add almost zero value to your life when you need them most.

Keep them around if you are ****ing them, want to **** them, or having them around helps you **** other women. Other then that, its a waste of time and energy IMO.

Thank you!

I have been saying this sh1t for years. Glad you summed it up nicely in 2 short paragraphs.

Now she has to live with the fact that she has lost someone that SHE considers to be a friend.

Too bad for her, because she has officially lost her shot.

This is true, but she is in for a rude awakening.

I think this girl really got to you and hurt you and you are actually thinking that your actions will hurt her back or that she will really care about it in the long terms. The reality is that as you correctly said it yourself "you are at the bottom of the totem pole" to her.

I doubt that what she did to you was done on purpose. She is like a child, she may have had plans with you but something bigger/badder/more exciting came along and she went with it and really forgot about you (like a new shiney toy that catches a child's eye, they just forget about the old one). It wasn't malicious or done on purpose and I bet that she will be surprised and even slightly frustrated when you cut her completley out of your life (which you should do anyway because she doesn't bring any thing of substance to your life that is worthy to hang onto.)

When it comes to attractive women they make simple choices that every DJ can learn from and that is "the world and everything around it, is circling around me and I can do no wrong".

Just having that mindset is a powerful thing because you are not actually thinking about it but rather live it because it comes naturally to you.

 

[Jeffst1980]

STR8UP, you started with the right ideas, but that last post is really no different than the idea of sending a girl that dumped you a lump of coal. The point of "walking away" is not to teach the girl a lesson or to set boundaries, it's to WALK AWAY. Because she's simply not worth your time.

The way I see it, you can't really get angry at her because her behavior is actually consistent with how she behaved in the past. You know this--you even made a thread about how she was a waste of time.

You want to call her out for the same reason that thedeparted wanted to send his ex coal--to get back at her for blowing you off. Sure, you can make her cry, but then she'll spin the whole thing to your mutual friends and make you out to look cruel and bitter.

Yes, she IS hiding from you, but at the same time, she LOVES the idea of the drama that might erupt lest you confront her. It's very "real world," and immature flaky girls like her LIVE for that stuff.

If you really want to teach her a lesson, you have to stop playing her game. That means you can be cordial to her and acknowledge her when you're with your mutual friends, but you shouldn't give her ANYTHING else. Ignore her calls to hang out, or say, "That's sounds cool, but I'll have to get back to you." Then, don't. Treat her as though you have ZERO interest in her. Think of how you would act towards an UG--you wouldn't be mean to them or dislike them; you wouldn't even THINK of them in a romantic sense. THIS is what will ultimately hurt her ego. Think of it: That little brat is all prepared for you, a man a decade her senior, to fly off the handle because she stood you up again, but you don't because you don't even CARE enough and have other, more attractive options lined up. That hurts, because if she can't even generate a reaction from you when she blows you off, she has absolutely no power.

As was posted in the other thread (i think by you, actually), setting boundaries is for relationships, but is useless outside of that. You gave great advice there, now follow it, dammit!

And I, for one, hope to never see another thread about this stupid 22 year old again...unless it's a different stupid 22 year old:rockon:

 

[ketostix]

Str8up, it sounds like you're wanting to do a 180 from what you usually advise. I don't say you should get irrate and be mean to a girl who acts up, although that can and sometimes does work with some girls and situations. What I say is when a woman acts up you call her out on her beahavior right then and there without getting too emotional about it. Whether you actually wanted to meet her that day or not, I don't know why you didn't text her on the meeting time and then called her out for not showing up and wasting your time. Who knows she might have got her azz over there and later fvcked. you have to sometimes lead girls to the last minute.

I don't agree with people who say just act indifferent when a girl does something messed up. You are calling out unacceptable behavior and not throwing a crybaby fit, that's all. You're simply telling her she doesn't measure up and you don't tolerate people disrespecting your time. Then you act indifferent. Throwing a hissy fit would be AFC, but calmly laying down the law is a manly thing to do IMO.

If you made plans with a girl, then how believeable is it that you just don't care that she flaked? That's what women do is pout and and act indifferent. Why wouldn't she just think you have no backbone and are too afraid to say anything to her about her behavior? Actually, that's really the case most of the time when a guy says nothing to her.

Guys will say, "She doesn't care about you if she did that. She'll just spin it in her favor." Then why would she care if you act indifferent either? And why wouldn't she spin it as you being a spineless lapdog. Women do care about being criticised for their behavior. All that matters is she's in the wrong, and I think she needs to be told that she's not measuring up. There's times to be indifferent but that time isn't always in every situation.

 

[Mr. Me]

The lesson here should be that to pursue women with only one thing in mind often results in a less than desirable outcome.

What you're saying is if a guy deals with a woman because he has sex on his mind, it will go badly. But the truth is, even if his true motive was to nurture a pure friendship, she still would've flaked. It has to with HER, not him.

there are more cliche's in this post than Carter's got pills.

"Carter's got pills"? Thanks! I have to add that to my cliche cache.

I honestly thought that she got the point that her minor transgressions of the past would be overlooked, but I only tolerate so much. I did this WITHOUT losing my cool, in a subtle way, and I could tell that it did sink in. I know that she got the message, so this goes to show exactly where I stand on her totem pole. Now I know.

The problem was... she didn't care. So, when you gave her that second chance, she didn't care. She doesn't care, because she doesn't respect you enough. That's why she can flake on you and not care about the consequences. So, the moral of the story is: you don't have to give second chances to people who don't give a sh1t about you, because chances are, if they did care and respect you in the first place, they wouldn't be in need of being given a second chance.

The other thing to learn from this example is: if a woman (or man) disrespects you, if you continue to be accepting of them, they will have even less respect for you.

 

[ketostix]

What is laying down the law going to do in this particular case? He has little value to her, otherwise she would have shown up.

I already explained it really doesn't matter what his value might or might not be. She made the plans and didn't keep them. I already explained how saying and doing nothing doesn't necessarily have any useful effect. If you argue that the guy has no value, then what difference is indifference going to make either? Why wouldn't having a backbone and calling the girl out raise your value just as much as indifference would? You are assuming there's only one right way and only one way a female will interpret your actions.

I say you act indifferent and do not call her whatsoever. There will be two clear paths ahead....

1) She never contacts you looking for anything ever again. You have maintained your dignity through indifference. She will have no reason to call you a pathetic loser just because you were pissed off at her. You have moved on with your life.

At this point, there's little reason for Str8up to say anything to her. But to say that saying anything to a girl who pulls a no call, no show would make you a pathetic loser is one ridiculous and two is really saying, "I'm afraid to call a girl out, she might think bad about me."

2) She does contact you again for whatever reason (indicating interest of some kind). THIS is the point that you punish her for her previous actions. You must punish her when she is seeking any kind of REWARD. This is when you will have the most effect. You simply say "no thanks". You don't even need to give the reason, she will know why.

If he would've called her out it would've still served as a rejection of her even if she did stand him up first. She is about as likely to contact you again after you called her out, from experience I know this is true, and you can rebuff her then just the same. There is no distinction. But generally you can't effectively punish someone's bad behavior long after it happened.

She could interpret your silence as being pissed off but instead of just telling her you are done with her you are too afraid to cut her off. We're just going around in circles here.

 

[jophil28]

...You're simply telling her she doesn't measure up and you don't tolerate people disrespecting your time. Then you act indifferent. Throwing a hissy fit would be AFC, but calmly laying down the law is a manly thing to do IMO.

That's how to do it.

 

[jophil28]

Laying down the law only works for someone in your life. This womans life is outside the jurisdiction of STR8UP's law. When she tries to come back into that jurisdiction, that's when she gets punished. Anything else just makes him look chumpish and is a waste of his time.

The problem is that guys like STR8 have no defined "law".
Unless a man has assembled a clear set of rules and ethical requirements of himself and others, life becomes a rollercoaster of 'management by crisis' ..one petty crisis after another.

Hence the frequent posts from STR8....

 

[cedd]

I didn't know that TOY STORY 3 was out for Christmas ? :crackup:

Seriously, what would you expect from her ?
Her "text messages crisis" before your hypothetical meeting was just there for filling her ego and her need of validation. a sort of preparation before an important event.
Unfortunately meeting you was not that event.
She spins plates. You have been toyed by a 22yo b!tch. You were only there in case her others plans fell through.

cheers

 

[rocco]

a womans decision making process is like her emotions. it is like an ocean.