Stick at it or give up?

[ThunderMaverick]

Sorry, I don't feel remorse for someone who purposely takes the actions that he did, and STILL continues to take it. His children and wife will hurt the most when this eventually gets out. But I guess that's just "collateral damage" to you.

There were a million ways he could have went about this situation. It's not like there was only one course of action he could have took.

You don't know what you sign on to, you say? I could understand that after a "7 year itch" or so, but 19 years? The last 3 were an affair??

Also, don't tell me what I should and shouldn't be on this matter. That's not for you to decide. I'm giving an opinion and an experienced view point who, as a child, was affected by an irresponsible person's infidelity.

He's getting plenty of support. I'm just a voice from the opposite side.

 

[iqqi]

I see it as place where guys come in to tell their story and hopefully get support and wisdom to help them on their way. Tough love is one thing but condemnation is another.

Your post was a good one, but wisdom I guess is subjective. He is getting support, and he got advice on what he wanted as well. But he is also getting another dose of advice and wisdom, you can call it condemning as it is what it is, but it just weighs out the support.

Some actions don't warrant unconditional support.

 

[ThunderMaverick]

Some actions don't warrant unconditional support.

THANK YOU!

 

[Juando]

Did I say anything about unconditional support?

Support = listening and reflecting back your truth MINUS your JUDGMENTS
and MORALIZING.

 

[iqqi]

Did I say anything about unconditional support?

Support = listening and reflecting back your truth MINUS your JUDGMENTS
and MORALIZING.

That is not the definition of support. That is the definition of being silent, and not saying anything.

And yes, you are asking for UNCONDITIONAL support, when you ask for people to not speak against something.

 

[Juando]

That is not the definition of support. That is the definition of being silent, and not saying anything.

And yes, you are asking for UNCONDITIONAL support, when you ask for people to not speak against something.

You don't have a clue what I'm talking about; we don't speak the same language.

 

[WaterTiger]

Back to the original question:
Should you try to rekindle the relationship with your..."girlfriend"?

My guess is, that after three years, she wants something more than a Tuesday night booty call. She's divorcing her husband, demanding that you behave your self and is generally an emotional landmine right now.

Bad thing about landmines is they blow up in your face. If she starts thinking that YOU were the reason her marriage broke up...she will be looking for revenge. Think that 3 years of "Best Friend" stuff will stop her? Think again Eddie! She will throw you SO far under the bus!

The smartest thing you can do is avoid this woman at all costs FOREVER! She is too dangerous to you right now and it is a breach you might never repair.

If she calls you in a few months...BE CAREFUL! We girls can hold a grudge for hurts you didn't even know you caused.

If you need another girlfriend, make sure she understands your lifestyle situation and don't keep her for more than a year. The old days of keeping mistresses for years is OVER.

 

[Mr.Positive]

If she calls you in a few months...BE CAREFUL! We girls can hold a grudge for hurts you didn't even know you caused.

If you need another girlfriend, make sure she understands your lifestyle situation and don't keep her for more than a year. The old days of keeping mistresses for years is OVER.

Well, that's it straight from a woman. The saying "a woman would rather share a successful man, then be with a faithful loser" should be changed to "a woman would rather share a successful man TEMPORARILY.."

 

[WaterTiger]

.... "a woman would rather share a successful man TEMPORARILY.."

I say don't keep her for over a year because she'll start getting emotionally attached, start thinking about being Mrs. Eddie, or at least be jealous of the time he spends with his family.


Let me tell you a lovely little story. It's true, because the woman involved was my hairdresser for years. (Names have been changed)

"Linda" and "Kevin" were happily married (she thought) and had a handsome son, age 4. He husband had a lucritive business and they both made good money. He started an affair with "Debbie".

He was foolish in telling Debbie that Linda was a horrible wife, refused to have kids, spent all his money and he was miserable. After about a year of this, Debbie went over to Linda's house to confront her, and talk her into leaving Kevin. Imagine Debbie's shock when she was ushered into a spotless house, met Kevin's son and heard the truth from Linda.

Linda and Debbie had a chat over coffee.....

Fast forward to divorce court: Kevin tells the judge that all his assets are in the name of his new fiance, and Linda & Kevin Jr, get nothing. He repeats the lies he told Debbie, Linda never says a word. She gets no alimony & small child support. At the end of the hearing, Kevin sees Debbie sitting in the back row. She walks right past him to Linda and the two women hug!

Yep! Kevin lost EVERY FCUKING THING! Debbie sold his business & assets, moved in with Linda and Kevin Jr. Last I heard, they were having a ball spending his money.

Mistresses can be dangerous

 

[aliasguy]

I say don't keep her for over a year because she'll start getting emotionally attached, start thinking about being Mrs. Eddie, or at least be jealous of the time he spends with his family.


Let me tell you a lovely little story. It's true, because the woman involved was my hairdresser for years. (Names have been changed)

"Linda" and "Kevin" were happily married (she thought) and had a handsome son, age 4. He husband had a lucritive business and they both made good money. He started an affair with "Debbie".

He was foolish in telling Debbie that Linda was a horrible wife, refused to have kids, spent all his money and he was miserable. After about a year of this, Debbie went over to Linda's house to confront her, and talk her into leaving Kevin. Imagine Debbie's shock when she was ushered into a spotless house, met Kevin's son and heard the truth from Linda.

Linda and Debbie had a chat over coffee.....

Fast forward to divorce court: Kevin tells the judge that all his assets are in the name of his new fiance, and Linda & Kevin Jr, get nothing. He repeats the lies he told Debbie, Linda never says a word. She gets no alimony & small child support. At the end of the hearing, Kevin sees Debbie sitting in the back row. She walks right past him to Linda and the two women hug!

Yep! Kevin lost EVERY FCUKING THING! Debbie sold his business & assets, moved in with Linda and Kevin Jr. Last I heard, they were having a ball spending his money.

Mistresses can be dangerous

-
-
-
Kevin's an idiot.

This sounds like a story women tell each other and laugh, and do the female equivalent of a "high five." (I'm not saying it isn't true.) "You GO girl(s)!!"


That said, we can bring a few takehome messages away from this tale:

---Don't badmouth your wife to your girlfriend. Better yet, don't talk about her at all, if possible.

---Don't trust your girlfriend in money matters. I guess we can't really trust WIVES, either, cause there's a 50-50 shot you will end up down at the courthouse with her eventually, anyway.

---Don't tell women anything important, unless you stand to gain from it in some way.

---Don't expect to be able to "game" the family law system. Men lose, even when they think they've won.

---Don't trust women. They'll hook up as lesbian lovers and move in together on your dime after you get dumped.

-

HAHA! Thanks, WT!!!
-
-

-
-

 

[azanon]

I would love to take a close look at the lives of some of these people casting judgement on Eddie.

I'm an agnostic, but I do like some bible stories, such as the one where Jesus asked for the person without sin to throw the first stone at the woman who had committed adultry. If this story is truth as a Christain would believe, isn't it a bit ironic that the ones judging here are actually the ones that should be judged? Also note the story didn't say she had come to the men to confess and was remourseful. She was simply caught, and after these guys dropped their stones, Jesus said to her "Go and sin no more".

 

[cordoncordon]

Difference being Azanon is Eddie isn't here saying he was wrong or that he wished he had never cheated. I'm not religious at all, but he is FAR from repenting. Quite the opposite, he is looking for validation for what he did, and a way to possibly keep repeating his adultress ways.

So if he chooses to keep behaving in this way, even after he knows its wrong, I most certainly will judge, AND JUDGE HARSHLY!

 

[azanon]

Difference being Azanon is Eddie isn't here saying he was wrong or that he wished he had never cheated. I'm not religious at all, but he is FAR from repenting. Quite the opposite, he is looking for validation for what he did, and a way to possibly keep repeating his adultress ways.

So if he chooses to keep behaving in this way, even after he knows its wrong, I most certainly will judge, AND JUDGE HARSHLY!

Did you not read what I said? The story doesn't say the woman repented. She was a prostitute and was caught by these men. After they dropped their stones, Jesus told her to sin no more, but the woman never showed or confessed remourse. Read it yourself (John 8:1-11)

 

[cordoncordon]

Ok then I guess I am not getting your point as far as what it means towards Eddie and those (me) judging him?

We have all done things that we regret or that are not morally correct. But just because we have doesn't mean we can't tell others that what they are doing is wrong as well.

PS: I do not believe in the bible or man made religions.

 

[KontrollerX]

The Bible is filled with contradictions.

From the sermon on the mount portion of it people who don't know the Bible always like to throw out the "Judge not lest ye be judged" line whenever someone judges them but what those people don't realize is Jesus goes on to convey that you'll be judged only if you judge hypocritically ie if you judge someone for something you yourself are guilty of.

Then he says remove the hypocrisy from your life then you will see clearly enough to judge righteously.

So in that instance the Bible is not against judging it just has a certain code laid out for you to follow before you can do it properly.

Yet azanon's example contradicts from this where it would seem to be laid out that we can't judge anyone unless we are sin free ourselves.

Two biblical contradictions here.

One saying how you can judge righteously.

One saying not to judge at all.

Contradictions and inconsistenices like this in a supposed perfect book that being the Bible are part of the reason why I'm not longer a Christian but if I were I would feel more than justified picking and choosing which teaching I would believe from week to week to suit my situation.

So if I were to argue with azanon I would simply use the other verse to justify my judging someone since its equally valid, equally the word of god to the verse that he used.

Not saying I would argue with azanon over this as I don't really care I'm just pointing out that his point isn't entirely solid.

 

[azanon]

You won't get any arguments from me that the bible is contradictory on a great many things (google "biblical contradictions" and you'll get a ton of hits). So feel free to discard that story if you like. I only mention it because the latest US statistics Ive seen shown that 80% of Americans identify themselves as Christains so I know that when I post scripture, it should mean something to 4 out of 5 of you.

I guess you guys can do as you please. I don't think lashing out at the guy is very constructive especially when its done in a disrespectful manner, and I'd be disappointed to see Eddie leave because some of you ran him off.

 

[cordoncordon]

Azanon, sometimes tough love is good love. No one is trying to run him off, but at the same time for me to sit here and tell the guy what he should do about his F buddy, all the while glossing over the trust be has betrayed from his wife and children, is something I cannot do.

 

[Eddie417]

Thanks guys for all the input. I moderate my own site (a dotnetnuke mess but that's a whole other story), one much larger than this and have learned some basic truths about online arguments. When I see the first line of moralizing or personal attacks I immediately hit the person's profile and add them to my ignore list. That let's me have a rational discussion with the adults. Makes the thread easier to read as well:crackup:

My former-mistress called me and we had a long talk. I'm trying to ease out of the situation without hurting her or setting her off. I told her things were great at home and that I was happy and she claimed to be glad about that but the crying was a bit of a give-away. I really did like talking to her, just need to sort out if it's genuine friendship or something else. I've never had a female best-friend before her and need to figure out if I can do it without the nookie, I'd say the odds are 90% against. She want's to meet next week, I didn't say no but I'm going to try and avoid it. Not sure I see the upside. Things with the Mrs. have steadily improved over the last few months, I can't explain more than that, again, in the interest of privacy.

 

[cordoncordon]

Thanks guys for all the input. I moderate my own site (a dotnetnuke mess but that's a whole other story), one much larger than this and have learned some basic truths about online arguments. When I see the first line of moralizing or personal attacks I immediately hit the person's profile and add them to my ignore list. That let's me have a rational discussion with the adults. Makes the thread easier to read as well:crackup:

My former-mistress called me and we had a long talk. I'm trying to ease out of the situation without hurting her or setting her off. I told her things were great at home and that I was happy and she claimed to be glad about that but the crying was a bit of a give-away. I really did like talking to her, just need to sort out if it's genuine friendship or something else. I've never had a female best-friend before her and need to figure out if I can do it without the nookie, I'd say the odds are 90% against. She want's to meet next week, I didn't say no but I'm going to try and avoid it. Not sure I see the upside. Things with the Mrs. have steadily improved over the last few months, I can't explain more than that, again, in the interest of privacy.

You probably have me on ignore, but what you take as moralizing or personal attacks, others, like me, take as being an upstanding human being. You choose to ignore those criticizing you because you know deep down you are wrong and cannot bear to face the full consequences of your actions.

But hey, if you want to cheat on the mother of your children, which you have every week for three years, so this was hardly a moment of weakness or a ONS and you knew full well what you were doing, then do what you gotta.

You're pathetic.

 

[Mr.Positive]

I would love to take a close look at the lives of some of these people casting judgement on Eddie.

I'm an agnostic, but I do like some bible stories, such as the one where Jesus asked for the person without sin to throw the first stone at the woman who had committed adultry. If this story is truth as a Christain would believe, isn't it a bit ironic that the ones judging here are actually the ones that should be judged? Also note the story didn't say she had come to the men to confess and was remourseful. She was simply caught, and after these guys dropped their stones, Jesus said to her "Go and sin no more".

Azanon, it's not about casting the first stone. I, personally, have never cheated in a LTR, and if I get married, will never cheat. For me, my morality as you stated is my stone that I carry for myself, so why would I cast that stone when I'm holding true to, what I believe, is my very nature as a man?

The thing that gets me, is the undertone that's set here that being faithful is somehow an AFC trait. That being faithful, a man of your word and honor, will somehow get you pushed to the back of the food line in a world where everyone is out for themselves.

Maybe that's true, but I'll tell you, I'm not going to lose any sleep over it.

Like str8up said, the worst feeling is when she passes up 'opportunities' when you didn't. I don't see it that way, I see it as manning up and having the strength to do what's right for each as of us as individuals.

So, it's not about casting judgement here, it's about understanding that each one of us is different, and morality in itself can make a person a better man, not an AFC.