So.. here's what happened to get me to post in the first place

[jackofasses]

Alright. Well. I've posted a few things on this site lately, which is a bit odd since I swore this site off last year after alot of the negative things said in here made me turn against women. Strange i know.. but with alot of the things you guys say it's hard to think that any woman could be truthful, loving, caring or nurturing or whatever.

Anyway.. since i've been posting lately about my last relationship in little spurts.. i figure I should just kinda set it all out so that you guys can laugh and do whatever to it (though i always prefer POSITIVE feedback) That, and this girl keeps eating at my insides and i find myself filled with great regret. Twice now I have just been handed beautiful women out of the sky (even if only over the internet) and it's all gone to hell.

Anyway, about 3 years ago, i was surfing a website for meeting random people (e-spin the bottle.com) And randomly found a girl who looked kinda cute. Msg'd her and a few days later had her on MSN. We chatted alot but she had a boyfriend. We hit it off pretty good and i dunno it was fun but i found myself really liking this girl. She was a little wierd (in a fun way) and ended up making pipe cleaner people and a pipcleaner heart with my name in it. I got jealous of her boyfriend (and he was treating her like crap) and one thing led to another and she blocked me saying i was crazy. I didn't give up, I kept e-mailing her and whatnot and they slowly got less frequent, each time with some more ******* comment. Then i stopped.

Recently i added facebook to get in touch with some old friends of mine and when it went though my e-mail list it picked her up and added her. She accepted it and filled out our 'friendship' information saying i was a stupid jerk. Fair enough i said. Didn't really say much until seeing spiderman 3. Got home after that **** movie, got online and saw her status saying how crap it was. Sent her a msg saying I totally agreed and we started hitting it off. We ended up talking on MSN quite a bit and whatever. I had a few jealous moments.. shoulda been red flags (her talking about wanting sex from this guy, or how the guy she wanted was with another girl, etc.) But anyway, we kept talking and one night over the internet i guess i got her a little hot under the collar and she started telling me things she was doing or whatever. And how she was leaving wet marks on her bedsheets.

She gave me her cell # and we started texting each other throughout the days. Me from work, her from work.. etc. It was fun, flirty, happy and felt so damn good. So then i figured.. i have her cell # I'll just call her. So one night while waiting for the bus, I did. It wasn't nearly as awkward as i had thought and we ended up talking quite a bit which in turn led to phone sex (yeah yeah.. whatever.. it was actually real good for phone sex) and then shortly after we started dating long distance. It was crazy, in 3 weeks over a distance like that I have NEVER felt so strongly for anyone. It was that true connection with a girl that most people wait for and would die to have. She was even ready to pay to come visit me when she could take a few days from work (which would have been THIS weekend if **** hadn't gone wrong and she wasn't ****ing someone else right now) but anyway. Things were amazing. I honestly fell in love with this girl.. doing the math now.. we talked from somewhere near 60-70 hours in three weeks.

One night, while talking, she mentioned some stuff about her past and it sent off some warning bells in my head (probably undeserved) and her sexual past bothered me and started making me think about things which made me start to have doubts. I almost broke up with her that night and she called back in tears. She was begging me not to and asking me if i didnt' love her. I told her i wasn't sure. By the end of her conversation i had time to think about stuff and realized that stuff really wasn't that important and that i did really care about this girl. So i told her i loved her and let her get back to sleep. Things kinda got rough after this.. mainly because i know i hurt her with that conversation because she kept pushing it in my face. I kept asking her to stop. Anyway... she caused some **** on a forum with a guy who lives in her area and he started pulling some **** like stalking her on facebook and all that and even tried pulling strings to get me in **** (she told me all this) so i msgd the guy, told him to knock it off because i knew what he was doing. He called my bluff, I told him what she told me (which she told me not to do but i misunderstood..) and it got back to her. She flipped out, that lead to a huge fight and 2 hours of talking about breaking up or not. The end of the conversation, she cried, dumped me, said she loved me and needed a few days.

I couldn't give her the few days. I ended up leaving a voice mail for the next 3 days and so she really said she gave up. Then she turned around and said she still loved me.. wanted to kinda let things chill a bit while she was workin on this movie thing and that afterwards she'd still come visit and i could go see her and all that. So that I could make it up to her because i ****ed up (it took a phone call at 4am to get her to talk to me and fix **** a bit) so anyway.. we weren't together and i guess i got paranoid. i actually feared what she might do because she kept saying what she did and with who while we were apart is "none of my business" which to me isn't the attitude to have if you care for someone even if you aren't together. And it led to more frequent bouts of jealousy and finally with her kissing a guy (which i'm pretty sure she did JUST to get back at me for my jealousy.) She told me that, I flipped out.. tried calling her that night for 5 hours.. sent her a ****load of texts and now.. she hates me.

She wont' talk to me, has apparently got her lawyer on me so i "should be expecting contact from her lawyer in the next few weeks" blocked me on facebook (though she still has me on msn and hasn't blocked my # to my knowledge)

I take some comfort in knowing she HAD to go be with someone else to 'get over me' but god damn i wish this girl would talk to me and stop thinking i'm **** crazy.

Guh.. there's more **** i left out.. like certain things she said which i know she was sayin JUST to get me riled up.. **** like "I dont love you, I don't want to be with you, i want to be with guy x or guy b, or hell why not both at the same time since it's none of your business".

**** like that.. i dunno.. had to vent. Give feeback if you want, so long as it's positive.

 

[Phyzzle]

Wow. Just wow. That was an interesting slice of life there.

My question is: have you ever actually met this person?

 

[jackofasses]

Wow. Just wow. That was an interesting slice of life there.

My question is: have you ever actually met this person?

Nope. That's why this all seems nuts. Even she's started saying "It was 3 weeks, we never even met and we won't now. Your fault."

God damn i wish i had a 2nd chance.

 

[NickBe]

You want only positive feedback? that is a little hard considering the story you told us. This sounds like the prequel to a romantic comedy. Now all you need to do is coincidently run into her sister, start dating and then on your wedding day change your mind and realize that you do not really love the sister you love the original girl or something equally cringe worthy.

Really man what are you thinking? Long distance relationship without ever having met the woman in question?

She won't talk to you because you acted like a possessive, psycho. This girl is not relationship material and long distance never works especially if you have never met her.

 

[jackofasses]

yeah i know she thinks i'm a posessive psycho.. and if i acted that way (and it's not the first time) how do i make them see that i'm not?

i've already checked into therapy for the controlling psycho thing.

edit: and yeah, i know ya'll think i'm nuts for doing a LDR without meeting the person.. but i've had a few and some were actually quite nice in the long run. Generally only ****ed up because of me. Sure, it doesn't work for you, but it works for some people. I don't discount anything.

 

[NickBe]

It does not work for you if you screwed them all up and you screwed this one up too it obviously doesn't work. You can not change her opinion of you, you ruined it and to be honest you should not have pursued this in the first place.

Sordid sexual history
long distance
easily attached

Not an ideal mix for a long term relationship. You seem like one of those love guys. Your whole life is about looking for love and when you fail you go for the next girl. Chances are you will end up with some over weight, controlling woman and live out the rest of your years in misery. That is not an insult it is the truth.

 

[jackofasses]

Actually, I don't hop from girl to girl, I don't run around looking for love. Most of my relationships generally happen 2 years apart. I admit i get super easily attached to girls but I don't believe in holding back. It's part of the risk you take with love, just like the risks you take with anything.

It's not like she was a *****, she had sex with 3 guys. The one thing i didn't like was how she ****ed a 30 year old when she was 17 before even getting his age.. and she did it while she was on a break from her other boyfriend or whatever.

And yeah, "it doesn't work" because I **** them all up. Because this attitude of being a jealous controlling psycho comes out because i always fear losing them or not being good enough or whatever. I lack self esteem.

hence why i am seeking help.

At least I am big enough to admit i have a problem i can't fix alone.

 

[NickBe]

Actually, I don't hop from girl to girl, I don't run around looking for love. Most of my relationships generally happen 2 years apart. I admit i get super easily attached to girls but I don't believe in holding back. It's part of the risk you take with love, just like the risks you take with anything.

I don't believe love exists except in the imagination of people who are brought up with the illusion that the only choices they have in life is to find love and get married. Then again I got sociopathic tendencies and I do not have the ability to love. Look how far that has got me by the way, 22 years old close to becoming a millionaire and slept with over 70 women. I mean really this idealistic illusion of love people incessantly chase it is a joke. It ruins lives and leaves just about anybody that believes it unhappy.

It's not like she was a *****, she had sex with 3 guys. The one thing i didn't like was how she ****ed a 30 year old when she was 17 before even getting his age.. and she did it while she was on a break from her other boyfriend or whatever.

If that is all than you overacted, you might want to get that taken care of. Most girls these days have much more sordid sexual histories. If you can barley handle the fact that she slept with an older man you will have problems dating girls in the future. Also what girls tell you about their sexual histories they often keep the most sordid details to themselves.

And yeah, "it doesn't work" because I **** them all up. Because this attitude of being a jealous controlling psycho comes out because i always fear losing them or not being good enough or whatever. I lack self esteem.

Therein lays my point, if you are screwing all these relationships up it obviously means they are not your kind of thing.

 

[jackofasses]

I don't believe love exists except in the imagination of people who are brought up with the illusion that the only choices they have in life is to find love and get married. Then again I got sociopathic tendencies and I do not have the ability to love. Look how far that has got me by the way, 22 years old close to becoming a millionaire and slept with over 70 women. I mean really this idealistic illusion of love people incessantly chase it is a joke. It ruins lives and leaves just about anybody that believes it unhappy. .

One mans heaven is another mans hell. That is what makes YOU happy. I would be happy with ONE girl. I know plenty of people who are happy and in love. Doesn't matter who they love, be they fat and ugly or not.

Yes, I want love. I want success. I want it all. That doesn't mean i have to stomp on other people, talk them down, or anything else. I am not sociopathic.

We are different. Your 'heaven' is my hell. The heaven i seek, might be your hell as well. Of course, if you don't believe in love it won't exist. Just like if you don't believe in yourself you'll never get anywhere.

If that is all than you overacted, you might want to get that taken care of. Most girls these days have much more sordid sexual histories. If you can barley handle the fact that she slept with an older man you will have problems dating girls in the future. Also what girls tell you about their sexual histories they often keep the most sordid details to themselves..

It had come up before in conversation.. she didn't directly spit it out and let it roll. But it was hinted at and i bit the bait and dug up the information. so it is my fault. I also have a bad habit of speakign about some of my experiences too.. so i guess i shouldn't really complain when she does the same. (like telling her about how i stopped during sex with a girl once just to say "baby jesus loves you" because she wouldn't stop saying 'oh god, oh god')

Therein lays my point, if you are screwing all these relationships up it obviously means they are not your kind of thing.

As I said, most of them work out wonderfully until some of my past issues come to front and I lose control of my emotions. But hey.. you have your opinion. How about someone else?

 

[NickBe]

That is the point you always screw them up, Why? It must mean that you are not meant for that kind of relationship.

By the way the whole speech about heaven and hell, it is not needed. I said the idealistic notion of love does not exist, not love in general.

You can not get this woman back and your are probably beyond help.

 

[reset]

jackofasses--your wanting to be in love is going to get in the way of being in love.

If you can draw it out as long as possible, and do your best to pursue other interests, and other women, then one girl won't have so much power over you. And you know by now, that when a girl has so much power over you, she doesn't respect you, and is probably not very attracted to you because of that, and cannot love you because of that.

Your own neediness is going to continue to ruin your chances. Women don't like it.

WOMEN ARE NEVER EVER ATTRACTED TO NEEDY MEN WHO FALL IN LOVE WITH THEM FOR NO REASON OTHER THAN THAT THEY ARE FEMALE.

Love is EARNED by her treating you like a KING and being mortified by the idea of you being with another woman.

Dude there is nothing wrong with making finding a special girl your goal, AT ALL... but you're getting WAY ahead of yourself.

Online, distant relationships... been there, done that.. it is a fantasy relationship. If you are a guy who will settle for that, you'll settle for more, which means you don't value yourself enough, which means you probably aren't very confident, which means you probably won't do the things that will improve your life, which means a girl is not going to fall in love with you because she has nothing to fall in love with.

Don't worry about getting distracted with fighting online. You clearly know you need a change of perspective or you wouldn't be here.

Quit trying to be right about "love". I would suggest, learn to be a man that women fall in love with. And it all starts with how you perceive yourself.

Do you think you can change that?

 

[jackofasses]

jackofasses--your wanting to be in love is going to get in the way of being in love.

If you can draw it out as long as possible, and do your best to pursue other interests, and other women, then one girl won't have so much power over you. And you know by now, that when a girl has so much power over you, she doesn't respect you, and is probably not very attracted to you because of that, and cannot love you because of that.

Your own neediness is going to continue to ruin your chances. Women don't like it.

WOMEN ARE NEVER EVER ATTRACTED TO NEEDY MEN WHO FALL IN LOVE WITH THEM FOR NO REASON OTHER THAN THAT THEY ARE FEMALE.

Love is EARNED by her treating you like a KING and being mortified by the idea of you being with another woman.

Dude there is nothing wrong with making finding a special girl your goal, AT ALL... but you're getting WAY ahead of yourself.

Online, distant relationships... been there, done that.. it is a fantasy relationship. If you are a guy who will settle for that, you'll settle for more, which means you don't value yourself enough, which means you probably aren't very confident, which means you probably won't do the things that will improve your life, which means a girl is not going to fall in love with you because she has nothing to fall in love with.

Don't worry about getting distracted with fighting online. You clearly know you need a change of perspective or you wouldn't be here.

Quit trying to be right about "love". I would suggest, learn to be a man that women fall in love with. And it all starts with how you perceive yourself.

Do you think you can change that?

I've only said it a dozen times, I'm going into therapy. And i didn't fall for her because she was a girl. I fell for her because of the conversations we had and how comfortable and happy SHE was making ME. I'm not out LOOKING for love either. I had actually pushed most women AWAY to focus on me when she came along and blindsided me.

 

[NickBe]

You are the kind of person that does not want help. You pretend you do but you are so steadfast in your convictions nobody will be able to set you on the right path. When anybody says anything remotely true you dismiss it. You will still be in therapy when you are 40 and you will never find what you are looking for. You are destined to become a sad depressed old man who never lived his life and its all on you. One day you will look back and say "what a waste". The world needs people like you though, so go ahead and fulfill that destiny.

 

[jackofasses]

Think whatever you want. Whatever makes you feel like the big man inside.

It's not that I don't want help. I just don't want YOUR help because I don't agree with YOUR specific outlook.

YOU don't know me.

Neither does anyone else, and i have ex's that'll easily prove you wrong.

 

[Pillag3r]

Actually, I don't hop from girl to girl, I don't run around looking for love. Most of my relationships generally happen 2 years apart. I admit i get super easily attached to girls but I don't believe in holding back. It's part of the risk you take with love, just like the risks you take with anything.

It's not like she was a *****, she had sex with 3 guys. The one thing i didn't like was how she ****ed a 30 year old when she was 17 before even getting his age.. and she did it while she was on a break from her other boyfriend or whatever.

And yeah, "it doesn't work" because I **** them all up. Because this attitude of being a jealous controlling psycho comes out because i always fear losing them or not being good enough or whatever. I lack self esteem.

hence why i am seeking help.

At least I am big enough to admit i have a problem i can't fix alone.

Sadly, I have a good friend that is just like you. He screws up every potential GF he gets. In his mind he has already married them after the first date, is extremely clingy, and a total wuss.

Quit being pathetic. If you want to change, then you can. No one can help you do it but yourself. I'm not trying to be mean or rude, but seriously, stop whining about it and do something.

 

[jackofasses]

Sadly, I have a good friend that is just like you. He screws up every potential GF he gets. In his mind he has already married them after the first date, is extremely clingy, and a total wuss.

Quit being pathetic. If you want to change, then you can. No one can help you do it but yourself. I'm not trying to be mean or rude, but seriously, stop whining about it and do something.

Generally i'm not all that clingy.. but the more my inner bull**** starts to come out from my past then it kinda kicks in. Not a total wuss, I don't cave to what people want or let people walk all over me either. Don't fall for them after the first date.. this was just really ****ed up. I do fall for girls really fast.. but this one was WAY faster than anything.

I do want to change, and i'm trying. I'd reading the info that helpful people are providing, and not everyone CAN do it by themselves. I have ALOT of internal **** to deal with. And many bad habits that i've had for god knows how long that i have to break.

I appreciate your input.. just not your judgement when you really don't know me. Just one story.

 

[Pillag3r]

I'm not judging, I'm speculating.

I dont believe for one second that people cant do things on thier own. Thats a complete cop out....even for drug addicts. If you want something bad enough, YOU make it happen, not someone else. Support is a good thing, but its not going to change you. A person can only change themselves.

I sometimes fall for girls quickly too. I'm an aries...its in my nature. But I dont let it get to me. The trick is to identify it happening...and simply stop.

The info in the bible is honestly priceless, but always take advice with a grain of salt. Only you know will and what wont work for you. If you need extra support, find some friends that wont be afraid to tell you when your being a bytch.

 

[reset]

I've only said it a dozen times, I'm going into therapy. And i didn't fall for her because she was a girl. I fell for her because of the conversations we had and how comfortable and happy SHE was making ME. I'm not out LOOKING for love either. I had actually pushed most women AWAY to focus on me when she came along and blindsided me.

Good. Maybe in therapy they'll bring up how it's difficult to find genuine love when you're all mixed up inside, and in love with a girl you've never even seen face to face.

Good luck to you.

 

[jackofasses]

I'm not judging, I'm speculating.

I dont believe for one second that people cant do things on thier own. Thats a complete cop out....even for drug addicts. If you want something bad enough, YOU make it happen, not someone else. Support is a good thing, but its not going to change you. A person can only change themselves.

I sometimes fall for girls quickly too. I'm an aries...its in my nature. But I dont let it get to me. The trick is to identify it happening...and simply stop.

The info in the bible is honestly priceless, but always take advice with a grain of salt. Only you know will and what wont work for you. If you need extra support, find some friends that wont be afraid to tell you when your being a bytch.

I've known of my problem for years and though my temper and my control issues are getting SLIGHTLY better they can still spin wildly out of control. As was the case this time. I was in total control at the start and then towards the end all that old bull**** came back and tore it all apart. I don't mind falling for someone quickly, I don't care if I fall for someone. That ISN'T the problem. The problem is what happens when my mind just starts thinking negative ****, when i start to worry, when my low self esteem kicks in, when my past haunts me.

Those of you who have HAD to deal with your past KNOW that it ISN'T that easy. You can't just put it away, you have to find a way to defeat it. THAT is what i am trying to do here. I know i have a problem, I have identified it and am taking some SOLID steps into defeating it. I don't need people slamming me for it and tearing into me with more negative bull****.

 

[Pillag3r]

Tearing into you is the only way your going to listen...what, are we supposed to cuddle with you and tell you it will be ok? Thats what mommies are for.

Remember, you came here asking for peoples opinions and help. None of us have degraded or insulted you personally. We dont know you, and can only speculate from everything else we have seen. And your following the same pattern thats been seen time and time again. Presonally I think its a great thing that you recognize your problem and want to seek professional help.

If you need help dealing with emotions, try reading THIS I guarantee it will help.