She LJBF me, I told her otherwise..

[scratch]

When a girl isn't interested in you, and you take that as an insult, you are AFC and petty.

LOL @ "do I demand to know why" she offered friendship. I'd love to see that. "WHY DO YOU WANT TO BE MY FRIEND!"

You cannot be serious. Are you one of those special kids who wears a helmet even while sitting at your keyboard?

I have placed no less than seven questions in my post. You ignore five of them. The only two you address were my rhetorical ones.

Wasn't she insulting me by telling me she wasn't looking to date and suggesting I call her friend instead? Did I demand to know why she said that, or did I roll with it comfortably?

OF COURSE she wasn't insulting me by saying she didn't want to date, that she wanted to just be friends. She was, however, communicating a lack of attraction. Did you pay any attention to your own post to which I responded?

I don't see why you had to insult her. But maybe you do.

Explain to me how your manipulative strategy (which she actually implemented) is not insulting, but my response was.

Alternatively, you can continue drooling and getting distracted by the pretty colors and shiny objects.

 

[iqqi]

Look, kid. I know you want to go against the infamous iqnatious-fantastico, but with your childish playground insults, you aren't on my level.

Here is some advice though: Keep doing what you do, and you'll keep getting what you get.

And also, lets just be friends.

I hope that insulted you enough.

 

[scratch]

Look, kid. I know you want to go against the infamous iqnatious-fantastico, but with your childish playground insults, you aren't on my level.

You're right. I shouldn't have been childish. While I do find it amusing that you deflected my points instead of rebutting them in every reply you've offered, it's my fault for adopting a tack that encouraged you to do so.

Let me try this seriously. Kindly address the following 2 points in the context of the original IM chat I posted:

1. Why did you say I insulted her? Do you think it's rude to adopt a rule of offering one platitude, then providing the matter-of-fact truth if the platitude isn't accepted? Can you think of a better balancing rule?

2. If she wasn't jerking me around with the disingenuous LJBF strategy, she would never have insisted on specific reasons as to why we weren't a good fit, would she? Wouldn't she have been relieved we felt the same way?

The first point speaks to the degree to which I insulted her, and the second to the success of the insincere LJBF strategy you're contemplating.

 

[DMSR76]

Scratch,

I understand your point. The woman from the chat had no grounds for being mystified or upset when you agreed with her idea of being friends. She gave her reason for not wanting anything more than friendship. You gave your reason. (That was kinda raw, though, LOL.) Why would a 'friend' care whether or not another 'friend' feels they are physically compatible?

Oh yeah... I love the way she was all too eager to push you off onto someone else, but got offended when you were kind enough to make her the same offer. (BTW, Her "offer" was just as nasty as AND preceded your "reason". She threw the first jab, but foolishly dropped her left glove as you threw your right hook, LOL.)

Anyhow, the fact she was bothered by your counter offer indeed revealed that her desire for friendship wasn't a genuine one.

 

[Luminescence]

It's interesting how so many AFC's (i.e the majority of men) need so much encouragement and motivation to care ''less'' about some women in their life.....For his own psychological well being.

You hardly ever hear of caring ''too much'' being a problem for women: Because they rarely do.

 

[Rebound Material]

SO, ive read through ALL 7 pages of this damned thread...it took a while but I just had to see what everyone had to say. It seems that theres been 2 extreme choices of how to come about the LJBF card:

Either the iqqi way or the KontrollerX/Rollo way.

Personally, id have to go with Maxtro, Jeff and the others that took the center option and thats to: PRETEND to agree with what she offered, but just not ACT on it. Use this time now to pursue other targets.

Much respects to the both of you for helping me out in the past, but heres my take:

Iqqi: Girls know right off the bat when a guy is interested in them and you know that. She had decided before hand whether to fcuk or not fcuk a guy(given that its been a few weeks into it) and somewhere along the lines, the guy made a move on her that made her resort to busting out the trump card. She loved the fact that she was wanted AND THAT WAS IT. And like someone said before, her LJBF was her trump card for hopefully keeping you around for that validation and approval. Its fake sh!t and honestly, I don't think i can live happily knowing that Im hanging around a chick who Im very well aware am interested in but also know that Im not gonna get what I want.

Kontroller: No one ever said that one can't be a DJ if they don't confront the girl directly about the LJBF offer. From your responses to this thread, it would seem like your still trying to build attraction or still trying to gain the upperhand by countering her in hopes of catching her off guard. You also seemed to focus/care alot on what her perception of you was after the fact. I can totally understand a guy getting somewhat stung or bitter especially after their precious time and effort spent was to simply get FZ'd(its my life story thus far) but really, its not worth the drama. Also, like what Maxtro mentioned before its not good socially. Of course she's gonna tell her girl friends what you said to her, and their girl friends, their "guy" friends etc. You're gonna have the reputation of being a creep(we can all keep that to ourselves).

Al moh's post in my opinion was underrated and should have gotten more credit, but he had it straight up.

A DJ SHALL STAND FOR HIS CONVICTIONS!

So if it is your conviction to not have female friends, then next her. But don't tell the DJs that they have to do this because that's the only way to be a DJ. If a girl LBJFs me right now, so what? First of all, I DO NOT get angry. You just said that one should not show it. But on the other hand you are writing about how she thinks after this situation and so on in most of your posts. I got the impression that all you want to do is destroying here mood and self portray.

Well, I don't care about her opinion. I don't have to make her feel bad about herself to feel better. So be it. I can't see how not having a romantic interest in someone is a crime. No need to destroy her life because she told you.

 

[Jeffst1980]

I'm going to go out on a limb and suggest that RT actually believes in taking the "center option" as well, based on his posts. KontrollerX is the only one that advocates verbally letting a girl know that to you, girls are only for hooking up.


Scratch, as to your situation, I don't know if you were actually interested in the girl or not. But, if you were:

>me: maybe i could introduce you to a friend
>
>her: why are u trying to introduce me to your friends?
>
>me: because i figured we aren't a fit
>
>her: you figured huh? how did you come to that conclusion so quickly?

That was an IOI from her. You let the LJBF roll off you without any drama and made it clear that it was no big deal to you. Based on the context, her LJBF was actually a s#it test to see how you'd react, not a rejection (the equivalent of a 'false disqualifier), and at this point you did everything right and passed. Then...

>me: sorry. I was actually trying to be delicate here, if you can believe it. >Not my physical type. But hey, I'm not your type in most, if not all, non->physical ways, and this has still be a lot of fun chatting.
>
>her: I'm glad that you enjoyed yourself, but as advice for the future, not a >nice thing to do. I wish you well. Good night.

WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT TO YOU A GIRL??? That's just being unnecessarily cruel if it's true, and childish if it's not. What she heard from that was not that you preferred blondes, but that you thought she was ugly/fat/whatever. A DJ doesn't communicate disinterest in an ego-crushing manner because he should be coming from a position of power and authority. That would be akin to a first grade teacher saying "I was trying to be nice, little Billy, but honestly, that drawing of a house sucks. But hey, your mom will probably love it."

What you SHOULD'VE said (if you were interested) when asked why you didn't think you two would be a good fit was something along the lines of:
"Well, it sounds like you're ready to settle down and have a comfortable, nice relationship with a guy that's a bit more predictable than me." Or, you could've just ignored her when she asked why. Either way, her desire for you would skyrocket. What you made you out to be either insensitive, overcompensating, or just plain socially uncalibrated.

Be nice to girls that want your s#it, man!!

 

[iqqi]

Iqqi: Girls know right off the bat when a guy is interested in them and you know that. She had decided before hand whether to fcuk or not fcuk a guy(given that its been a few weeks into it) and somewhere along the lines, the guy made a move on her that made her resort to busting out the trump card. She loved the fact that she was wanted AND THAT WAS IT. And like someone said before, her LJBF was her trump card for hopefully keeping you around for that validation and approval. Its fake sh!t and honestly, I don't think i can live happily knowing that Im hanging around a chick who Im very well aware am interested in but also know that Im not gonna get what I want.

That's the error of your argument. I am sure there are a few b!tches out there like that, but that isn't the case for a majority of women. To base your actions on such a flawed way of seeing things is an error. You should not assume the worst in people, because many times, it isn't really that serious. And now you've come across like a childish brat for no reason at all. Your repuation takes a hit.

THE TRUTH: Most women are UNCOMFORTABLE around men who they know want more from them. As a matter of fact, some women will try to remain IN DENIAL that a guy likes them more than friendwise, for as long as they can! Then once he puts his cards on the table, the "friendship", if there was one, tends to POOF and disappear, because the girl is too uncomfortable now, and the guy feels rejected, and was maybe never interested in her to begin with as a person, at least.

I am actually on the middle ground too.

My main point, is that it is not DJ to try and "check" a girl for not being interested in you.

Any offer of friendship, rather it be real or not so genuine, should be met with DIPLOMACY. Not some ego validation reversal, so to speak, where you try to build yourself up by putting her down or punishing her. She most likely doesn't give a sh!t anyways! All you did was reaffirm that you worship the ground she walks on, and dammit if you can't hold her, you can't bare to be around her!

If you were really DJ, you wouldn't need to try and validate yourself by being a d!ck.

 

[DarkShade]

My take is that action speak louder than words. Any girl that LJBFs me will pretty quickly turned into background noise while I go enjoy the rest of my night looking towards the future, not dwelling on the past.

 

[Al Moh.]

KontrollerX, what you said is true but you missed my point.

You are basically suggesting to not have any femal friends because every friendship would be an insult? I couldn't live like that but if you are fine with it be it.

It's funny how people always rant against stuff they are doing wrong themselves. You accuse me or my friend I was talking of of just looking for sex and in the same breath you suggest to not have any female friends but rather walk away every time they don't want to have sex with you. A LJBF is an insult to you? Aren't you able to swallow your own pride anymore? If I think I can get something out of a friendship with this girl, why not? Damn, you say a DJ doesn't need a social circle to get girls? How messed up is this argument? One could say that a real DJ doesn't need to work out, or dress well or anything like this, if his game is tight he is still going to get girls. Why not make it a little easier?

I enjoy having female friends, it's worth it and not just for the sake of getting to know new girls.

Call me an AFC as much as you want but I am still going to have some female friends. In the end there is choice, for we are men. I do not choose a lifestyle without friends (for if I would next all girls I couldn't hang out with my male friends anymore, because they hang out with female friends too...).

BTW, I don't want to offend you, there are many people arguing here, you just seem to be one with a lot of impact and a completly differnt oppion (except for the getting laid part, of course we are not just trying to get laid).

 

[DarkShade]

KontrollerX, what you said is true but you missed my point.

You are basically suggesting to not have any femal friends because every friendship would be an insult? I couldn't live like that but if you are fine with it be it.

It's funny how people always rant against stuff they are doing wrong themselves. You accuse me or my friend I was talking of of just looking for sex and in the same breath you suggest to not have any female friends but rather walk away every time they don't want to have sex with you. A LJBF is an insult to you? Aren't you able to swallow your own pride anymore? If I think I can get something out of a friendship with this girl, why not? Damn, you say a DJ doesn't need a social circle to get girls? How messed up is this argument? One could say that a real DJ doesn't need to work out, or dress well or anything like this, if his game is tight he is still going to get girls. Why not make it a little easier?

I enjoy having female friends, it's worth it and not just for the sake of getting to know new girls.

Call me an AFC as much as you want but I am still going to have some female friends. In the end there is choice, for we are men. I do not choose a lifestyle without friends (for if I would next all girls I couldn't hang out with my male friends anymore, because they hang out with female friends too...).

BTW, I don't want to offend you, there are many people arguing here, you just seem to be one with a lot of impact and a completly differnt oppion (except for the getting laid part, of course we are not just trying to get laid).

I think what he means is, HE chooses who his friends are, not the girls who LJBF's him. In that case, every other girl in the bar would be a 'friend', but not by his choosing. I have plenty of female friends, because I chose to be their friend as they proved their worth to be in my company. Just because a random LJBF's you doesn't put YOU under any obligation to be HER friend.

Maybe someday that girl who LJBF's may turn out to be a very good ACTUAL friend, but till she proves her worth why give her anything more than the time of day?

 

[decades]

Some of you don't get it. She doesn't WANT to be friends. She either is Rejecting you out of hand, or wants your attention. That's what you AFCs are missing. It's a rejection. She does not want you as a friend. That phrase is her tool to reject you because you didn't make her grade. Usually when you get that "Line" you hardly know the girl and she hardly knows you. It's not like you grew up together. She is at best, inviting you into her IM or email orbit, for when she needs you.

 

[Al Moh.]

I'll disagree, sometimes she really wants to be friends. A DJ should be able to figure out if she really wants a friendship or not. If not, I'll next her any time.

 

[Juan_Man]

Give the girl the benefit of the doubt. If she really wants to be friends, great. If she is an attention wh0re, leave. Either way, you will be too busy to know the difference as you are moving on to other girls for your romantic endeavors.

 

[KontrollerX]

Persistant Exaction and Dark Shade nailed.

Outstanding posts guys.

 

[Don Juanabbe]

F*ck what iqqi said. At 37 I've been LJBFed more than most. Woman are always ingenuine with this shyt. The offer of friendship is very rarely real. I've met far too many attention hors who pull this shyt. You're just emasculating yourself and setting yourself up for the fall. Unless you want to be equally manipulative and use her for her girlfriends, either way, the power is still hers. Just walk away.

I have female friends but they always started out in a healthy way - as friends, on an even playing field, and stayed that way.

If you want to be the Bytch in the friendship, then by all means, accept the invitation, bear in mind, it is almost never genuine.

That said, don't be rude. Hold your head high and never sacrifice your dignity. Be cool with it. I have in the past and was pleasantly surprised with a turnaround.

I had a woman last week play similar games with me. She even suggested that I should be her friend, because she could set me up with her girlfriends. What kind of game is that? I said, 'thanks, but no thanks, I don't need help in that department.'

Guess what? The very next time I saw her, two days later, I said, "Hey, how you doing" and she completely ignored me - wouldn't even say hello.

Does that sound like an offer of friendship?

Sounds to me like she wanted the attention and was using the prospect of her setting me up with other women as the dangling carrot.

That's about as ingenuine as you can get. This woman just wanted free dinner and the elevation of her self esteem, which evidently, she had very little of.

This was the same woman who was talking about sex with other guys.

Talk about trying to take my balls and put them in a blender.

Fawk that shyt.

 

[Franky Four Fingers]

This may come out sounding silly but how about "acquaintances sounds good to me" or something along those lines. That way you dodged looking like a jerk with a flat out "no, I have enough friends" but you also reject her notion of getting guaranteed attention that she is expecting from a LJBF situation. It's also half a jab to her letting her realize your less than happy with a LJBF.

Definition of acquaintance;

2. A relationship less intimate than friendship

 

[Don Juanabbe]

I think, "Sure fine, if you're comfortable with that, so am I". Then don't act like it bothers you.

 

[Sincere]

iggi has a good point as far as faking genuinely bein interested in a girl to get some azz, but heres how to prevent all that...

me being a recent college graduate, i'm gonna use the analogy of getting a job

I applied to several jobs, and whenever I applied, I had to put exactly what position I was applying for...some said they were looking for more qualified applicants, and some responded with me in order to set up an interview.

There was one job I applied for in particular, as an assistant manager at FootLocker, and I had an interview wit em, and they offered me a job...as a full-time employee, but NOT as an assistant manager. I politely declined the job. Why? Because I had options, and even if I didn't, with me having a degree and the fact that I APPLIED for the assistant manager position, I wouldn't settle for that job anyways.

My point is, to prevent being LJBF'd and then being an azzhole in declining that offer, how bout letting it be known (through actions and if need be, words) of course that you're not interested in being just friends with her. But being all friendly with her and then trying to elevate it is like applying for a cashier's position and getting pissy when they don't offer you the CEO job.

 

[Holland]

You have to frame this shiit in a way you refuse the LJBF offer and also don't do it in a harsh way. If you do it in a harsh way, she'll just rationalise it and put the blame on you and how you're such a jerk for not wanting to remain friends with her. IN REALITY, she is being the jerk for wanting to keep you around as an attention puppet, she's not asking you to be friends, she's asking you to give her attention when she wants it. Do you really think she's going to be there for you when you need her? Nope! She's being disrespectful, because you let her. No one will admit this, because of the bullshiit social conditioning.

So here's the answer. You say:

"Mmm, I appreciate the offer, but I'm a very busy person and I don't have the time to have (just friends) friendships with women."

If she responds by calling you a jerk etc. you say:

"I respect your choices, I hope you can also respect mine. Anyway, it was cool meeting you, Bye."

And then you never contact her again, unless she starts coming back at you. And when she does, you make her work for it HARD!

You are the one that matters in your life. Remember it.

The bottom line is, don't be a poor sport. Some chicks aren't going to want hot monkey sex with you

Ha-ha-ha-ha. This is hilarious. Why are you even wasting your time on this board?

For all you AFC's out there. Rollo Tomassi is speaking capital T Truth here. Listen to the man.