She LJBF me, I told her otherwise..

[DJDamage]

You also have to remember the big picture. Who and what was that girl to you anyway when you heard the term "LJBF's"? were you even dating her ? was she just a fvckbuddy? was she your girlfriend?

The big picture in all of this is that if LJBF bothers you, then you already failed prior to her uttering those words. You either failed to build attraction from the get go, you either failed to spin plates from the get go (thus lowering your value and raising hers), you either failed to maintain interest during the relationship or your selection process of this particular woman was subpar and therefore you got subpar results, and lastly and prehaps the biggest point is that you were the one the failed to end the relationship (or drop the plate) when you saw it wasn't working for you.

There is always a reason when a woman utters LJBF's so sometimes that anger and frustration should not be directed at the woman herself but at yourself.

Therefore if you can't exit the situation with your head held high in a calm matter then you have also failed in the end but in actuality you shouldn't have been brought down to this situation to begin with if you done everything right from the get go.

 

[ferjcas]

"I thought you were truly a genuine person but after what you told me I find you're truly a selfish prick who only cares about yourself"

She's just trying to guilt you.

If a girl LJBFs you, you just keep your cool, say "OK, I understand" and either:

1) Go away and never see her again.
2) Or keep her as a genuine friend. She could be a valuable social resource and she has hot friends.

Just realize that she doesn't like you and, yeah, and attraction is not a choice. Move on, there's no way to "make someone like you" if they don't.

However, by what you told her "I have enough friends", I can imagine she's deeply offended and won't really be your friend anymore. She'll just keep acting all weird and avoiding you. So you've pretty much settled yourself for number one.

I don't know how this would work out, but I'm imagining myself telling her:

— "OK, you want me to be genuine? I want to **** you in the ass."
— "What?!!"
— "Yeah, that's right, I want to **** in the ass. Do you think I'm in love with you? No, I just think you're hot and just want to ravish you, use your body for my pleasure and **** you a whole night in the ass".

 

[MisterMcGee]

If the girl is in a social circle of yours (whether it be school, a part time teen job, or whatnot) and you've known her for a bit:

"Sorry hun, I'm not getting that vibe between us."
"Sorry thats not what im looking for"
"Just friends? I think that'd be kinda boring, dont you?"
"Oh please, you're ridiculous!" playfully

 

[MisterMcGee]

Any more insight on "LJBF"ing a girl you're interested in but you realized she isn't into you for whatever reason, so you beat her to the punch. Any experiences?

 

[RokyRoc]

I think that LJBFing a girl based on her level of interest is premature. Its like jumping off a boat because it could explode and not because it is about to explode. If you are interested in the girl you will see it through, no doubts no hesitations because clearly she does not know what she wants and so her opinion/interest level should not be considered when pursuing. I have made that mistake before and missed out on many opportunities because I thought that she was just not that into me.

That said, depending on the situation (I am going to contradict myself right now) I LJBFed a girl before she got the chance and we ended up being really good friends. It's like sharing intimacy without sexuality.

Any other thoughts?

 

[MisterMcGee]

RockyRoc, you say I should just pursue her and make a move rather than LJBF a girl. Well, further down this post are details of my situation with this particular girl for one. However, first thing's first:

I'm thinking of communicating the following to the HB (in person, of course).
I'll probably end up doing this after isolating her and trying a simple kiss-test or compliance thing. :
-I don't think the way things are is gonna work for me.
-I'm starting to be interested in something more between us, and if you aren't then it's best we go our own ways.
-we're looking for different things right now.
-kissing, the physical touch, getting closer, having an amazing time together and seeing where it goes - if they were things we both wanted to experience, then awesome, we'd definitely have a lot of fun. but it's not something we're both looking for.
-we can still goof around at work, but that's it of course

The fourth point is probably the most shocking point in there. I'm just playing with fire here, should be interesting.

Details

In my situation, I've known the girl casually (work once every one or 2 weeks) and so forth. One of our shared work friends asked her if she was waiting for me to make a move or if she wanted me to make a move, and the HB said 'no' or something (this friend wouldn't tell me the word for word short convo, but she's convinced HB isn't interested).
--
What's happened is we have a cool acquaintance relationship at work, since we don't see each other often, but I've been escalating really smoothly.
She passed a kiss test - I told her to come to the xmas party with curly (her natural) hair cause I like it that way, she said im the only guy she's met who likes it curly. So she came to the party with curly hair - she approached me and said "look, curly" and I smiled+commented+placed my hand on her cheek (think of a kiss test - that's what it was) - it went really well.

Then the 'friend' brought me up via a question later on in the night (something about me making a move or something) - after that, the HB was kinda distant and cold and acting way differently toward me. not very receptive, etc - basically, like her interest level dropped. now I see what has most likely happened - she was in "don't lead him on" mode.

At first I thought her interest level dropped cause I wasn't making a move. Then the friend told me yesterday how the HB reacted to the question about me (no details were given to me of course, lol).

This HB, by the way, is 17 and hasn't had a boyfriend before and is extremely gorgeous (natural 9-9.5). We tease, test, neg, flirt occasionally and the physical contact has been escalating. & I've definitely been getting subtle IOIs (considering her shyness level and experience level). I don't supplicate (far from it) and there's definitely no 'friendship' to savour and 'not ruin' from dating. And don't worry about me being a 'friendly dude' or and 'afc' around her, I'm not. At all.

So she's simply not interested, it seems. So I'll leave it at that. I know I'm the prize in this situation, and I feel this is a good 'exit'. It's completely honest, genuine, and bold. It's the noble stand-up thing that I'd do.
My opinion on the matter is that she hasn't come to her senses and she doesn't know what she's missing out on, and I'm not gonna stick around. There's definitely a chemistry between me and her, so I'm chalking this up to just being a lost cause at this point. Unfortunately.

I'm going to tell her what's up and that I'm moving on. This situation isn't something I'm gonna put up with.
There's still a possibility her shyness or lack of experience has gotten the best of her, so if that's the case then I'll be able to find out when I make this 'good bye'. But seriously, chances are she's just not interested for whatever reason, and I'm going to respect myself enough to drop the whole thing.

Maybe there's some interest mustered inside that shy inexperienced introverted girl, or maybe she wants nothing to do with me at all from a relationship standpoint. Whatever the answer is, I think this is an interesting way of going about getting the answer haha. We shall see.
I'm just putting this up here for the sake of you guys getting a taste of it. I'll keep you posted.

The bottom line is I sense interest in her. I know she's shy and inexperienced when it comes to relationship crap so I'm just gonna find out what the deal is and that's it. I'm totally fine with the more likely outcome - that I'm mistaken and she simply isn't interested in me 'like that'. It should be an interesting learning experience.

 

[jophil28]

Any more insight on "LJBF"ing a girl you're interested in but you realized she isn't into you for whatever reason, so you beat her to the punch. Any experiences?

I had a G/f once who pulled that LJBF shyte to amp up and trigger off desire in me for her. This was her way of pedestalizing herself and attempting to get me to fawn over her . She wanted me to treat her like the Goddess that she imagined she was..
However it fell flat when I replied, "' Friends? Sure, with no other expectations, right? " Her face went white and her jaw dropped.

I continued, " Now that we are just friends, perhaps you can give me a some info on Kirsty in Marketing. What a great looking woman. DO you know if she is single ?"

Needless to say she abandoned her LJBF BS scam on the spot and never did any of that again.

 

[MisterMcGee]

lol thats not at all what I was talking about, but good story
I'm gonna do the above (what I wrote in my post) prob on saturday if thats the next time I see this HB. Any comments?

And Merry Christmas!

 

[legolas]

Any more insight on "LJBF"ing a girl you're interested in but you realized she isn't into you for whatever reason, so you beat her to the punch. Any experiences?

Depends on what you want after the LJBF-ing. Usually the LJBF technique is used by the girl to dismiss the guy when she's not interested in him in a nice way. It's a way of her saying "thanks but no thanks" So if you LJBF her you'd be saying "thanks but no thanks" in advance and you won't accomplish anything

I think what you want to do is to LJBF her and then continue the relationship with the hope of it turning out for the better later. If this is true, LJBF-ing her won't accomplish anything either.

 

[MisterMcGee]

Alright, but I posted what I'd do so can you comment on that rather than the simple act of LJBFing?
I'm moreso saying "we're not interested in the same thing, right?" which isn't really LJBFing, it's making things clear.


(referring to
I'm thinking of communicating the following to the HB (in person, of course).
I'll probably end up doing this after isolating her and trying a simple kiss-test or compliance thing. :
-I don't think the way things are is gonna work for me.
-I'm starting to be interested in something more between us, and if you aren't then it's best we go our own ways.
-we're looking for different things right now.
-kissing, the physical touch, getting closer, having an amazing time together and seeing where it goes - if they were things we both wanted to experience, then awesome, we'd definitely have a lot of fun. but it's not something we're both looking for.
-we can still goof around at work, but that's it of course

 

[drtk]

I had a G/f once who pulled that LJBF shyte to amp up and trigger off desire in me for her. This was her way of pedestalizing herself and attempting to get me to fawn over her . She wanted me to treat her like the Goddess that she imagined she was..
However it fell flat when I replied, "' Friends? Sure, with no other expectations, right? " Her face went white and her jaw dropped.

I continued, " Now that we are just friends, perhaps you can give me a some info on Kirsty in Marketing. What a great looking woman. DO you know if she is single ?"

Needless to say she abandoned her LJBF BS scam on the spot and never did any of that again.

Holy crap! Awesome man. Excelent way to handle this kind of situation IMO.

 

[MisterMcGee]

"I'm starting to feel something here. I think I'm getting the vibe you don't feel the same way.
You know that feeling you can't really describe? If we were to kiss, for example...
If we both wanted to have an amazing time and see where the ride takes us - then awesome, we'd have a lot of fun. But I'm not convinced that's something you're looking for.
Correct me if I'm wrong though, cause personally I'd hate to walk away from a great opportunity without giving it a chance.
Just follow my lead. If you honestly feel absolutely nothing, then things'll end right here if you just walk away."


win-win. If she rejects you and just wants to be friends, then you called her on it and told her to do it. If she's shy or timid or unsure or whatnot, but has interest or attraction, then you'll probably be able to notice due to her reactions.
If I were to say something like that, I'd utilize body language and closeness/touching. Trick is to make her feel something when talking about her feeling nothing.

She may "LJBF" during this or at the end or whatever, cause she feels walking away is too rude and she doesn't want to end EVERYTHING between you two. You could just say something like "That's basically what I was saying. I was starting to think maybe you were a little shy or unsure of things, but if you seriously didn't feel any tension here when we were getting closer, which I could swore you did, then it's best for you to walk away right now like I said."

 

[cw92]

iggi has a good point as far as faking genuinely bein interested in a girl to get some azz, but heres how to prevent all that...

me being a recent college graduate, i'm gonna use the analogy of getting a job

I applied to several jobs, and whenever I applied, I had to put exactly what position I was applying for...some said they were looking for more qualified applicants, and some responded with me in order to set up an interview.

There was one job I applied for in particular, as an assistant manager at FootLocker, and I had an interview wit em, and they offered me a job...as a full-time employee, but NOT as an assistant manager. I politely declined the job. Why? Because I had options, and even if I didn't, with me having a degree and the fact that I APPLIED for the assistant manager position, I wouldn't settle for that job anyways.

My point is, to prevent being LJBF'd and then being an azzhole in declining that offer, how bout letting it be known (through actions and if need be, words) of course that you're not interested in being just friends with her. But being all friendly with her and then trying to elevate it is like applying for a cashier's position and getting pissy when they don't offer you the CEO job.

you know as i was reading all these posts, and thinking about my reply I really couldnt decide which side of the argument i was on, but after reading this

I completely agree with you, let the other options be known.

 

[intrextrovert]

If you hold off being too nice at first/jerkish without putting her off you can avoid a lot of this. Then when you act normally nice or w/e you'll be seen as being extra nice or something. People always compare to first impressions; a nice guy that isn't being nice is a jerk. A jerk that isn't being nice is just being normal. A nice guy being nice is normal. A jerk being nice is being really cool to you.

 

[MisterMcGee]

Lets say you thought a girl was into you, so you ask her out and, under the pressure, she gets flakey and ends up saying "could we stay like what we are?"

This is a girl I never approach or give much attention to, but she'd approach me. She'd talk to me, ask me stuff, get close, initiate some playful kino, and so forth. I initiated nothing to very little kino.
So I ask her out and, under the pressure, she gets flakey (busy during the week, bla bla, usualyl dont go out during the week) and so forth, acted kinda aloof, and so forth.
So she throws the line "but could we stay like what we are? yeah?" and I sigh with a smile and look away to talk to someone else who is approaching.

I didn't answer, and she still talked to me and such for the remainder of the night, asked me questions, wasn't trying to avoid me like you'd think someone would do with someone they don't want to lead on. She likely wanted to cement the whole 'just friends' thing. However, I was pretty darn sure she was into me. Her flakiness shows me she probably just wanted my attention and what not, but I never gave her much attention at all, so it's rather strange to me.

A part of me thinks it's her inexperience and womanly defences that's causing her to get skittish and choose the path of least resistance and least confrontation. Due to low-interest, of course. As I've heard said before, some girls LJBF by reflex cause it's the easiest thing to do under the pressure. This girl hasn't ever had a boyfriend either.
Of course, part of me thinks the obvious - 'shes just not that into you'.

I don't really care what you fellas think the reality of the situation is, I'm just not sure what I want to do in this situation.
I am forced to see her once every week or two, and she's going to keep approaching me (she always does as I never approach her and such). Being distant isn't really an option as I already am. I dont want her to approach me and try to get my attention unless she's interested. I dont want to play games, I don't want to drag this on, and I'm ready to place her on the backburner. However, it's got to be on my terms, and she should know I'm not interested in being friends.

Options:
- ljbf her... meh, dont like it. it's dishonest, cause I don't want to be her friend.
- tell her i want to date her, not be friends - it's truthful, but id be taking sh!t way too seriously
- tell her we're interested in different things.

 

[seek&destroy]

This is an interesting viewpoint Iqqi....

I think there are two ways to look at this.

The first method is one of "punishment" used by someone that has NOT yet moved on and is in some way trying to regain interest through "ganji games" (do a search on sosuave for those that don't know what ganji games are). I'm not certain one could call that AFC or just more attempts at manipulating interest level.

I don't even know if I would call "Nexting" an AFC thing. It comes down to time better spent. We all know that if someone keeps a girl around that LJBF'd them, they're going to have a hard time getting over it and more than likely would fall into one-itis.

Better to move on with life and improve yourself than risk the "one-itis" disease.

I just had this happen to me. I was such a sucker that I gave in to temptation and actually told her all about it in a message on IM. She said she didn't feel the same, although she was incredibly flattered.

She said that she would like for us to be friends, and that she hopes she didn't hurt me. I told her that I have no reason to be angry because life is too short for anger, resentment, hate, etc. I have no regrets, and I want to carry on with my life as if this didn't happen. She told me she agrees and that we can do that. Of course, I still want her, but now I'm not so "obsessed" about it. I will roll with the punches this time. I can't let her win. Based on the way she acted toward me (I was the only guy in the class she was flirting with, and yet she still has the guts to deny she was ever iterested). So far, it's going great. I'm making true my promise sticks by not doing anything that will make her think that I'm thinking of her at any given moment.

 

[vagrant]

If I like the girl and she just wants to be friends, it will never happen. Either ill end up fvcking her and her begging me never to leave because im just cool like that or shes not interested and which case then I dont give a fvck.

No way in hell I can stay and watch a girl I like get fvck in front of me all day. Its just not gonna happen.

You like the girl, she doesnt like you back, you move on, end of story.

I swear I cant think of any girls in my life as a friend except those cool chicks with boyfriends who wish they wete single so they can ne with me. The rest likes to have sex with me even though they know I cant be in a relationship.

The greatest relationship you can ever be in is when the girl is crazy about you as much as you are crazy about her. Find your self a new girl kid.

 

[Jariel]

If you still want to generate interest (which at this point its pretty low possibility) I wouldn't have responded to her overtly like you did. I would just say "sure, ok" and never initiate contact with her. If she calls me to hang out, I will say that I am busy and have a date maybe another time.

You don't need to say to her directly you don't want her around but do so with your actions.

Definitely the best way to go. Do this, sit back and watch the tides change!

 

[SamTheHobit]

Finaly read everything.. Came to the conclusion that KontrollerX is genius. Brilliant posts by him.

 

[JustLurk]

@OP: You clearly only like this girl for her ass. Also clearly, you are no great loss.

I would be insulted if a girl did that to me on a LJBF. Not only is it a far from diplomatic way of rejection, it's basically telling her the only thing you value in her at all is f***ing her, basically she's less than a **** buddy to you. Nice going. Beings friends is no big thing, you know. You don't have to do what she says, you don't have to put up with her, this is just a way to keep you in am amiable relationship. Just say ok, move on, go get other girls. To girls, unless you are 1) someone she hates 2) someone she wants to bang/bangs or 3) a stranger, you are her "friend". It's just a non-hatred we-know-each-other's-first-name-and-have-met-before zone. All this "you would be her slave and give her attention" is bs. Clearly, her definition of "friend" and your definition of "friend" is vastly different.