"Sexually Invisible?"

[Luke Skywalker]

I don't know. If this stuff was REALLY bothering me, then I'd be shopping for pheromones. I already have a pheromone bottle in my basement I bought at a Trade Show, but never opened yet -- because it's not bothering me enough to resort to stuff like that. Thought they have sprays that can deal with 'sexual invisibility'.

 

[HOT_CHILLI]

I don't know. If this stuff was REALLY bothering me, then I'd be shopping for pheromones. I already have a pheromone bottle in my basement I bought at a Trade Show, but never opened yet -- because it's not bothering me enough to resort to stuff like that. Thought they have sprays that can deal with 'sexual invisibility'.

Really dont bother with those sprays. You produce phermones on your own, more powerful then ones in a bottle, you just cover them up.
The only real effect of those will have is placebo, making your more confident because you believe women will love you now due to the pheromones.

As you would already know, the sex industry is exploited soo very much so you shouldnt even bother buying these things.

 

[Daddy The Pimp]

Rollo nailed it. Fvck these terminologies that only make you feel bad for yourself. Instead , start working on yourself to make it the man that they fantasize about.

 

[magickarl]

Self-fulfilling prophecy -- Ever hear of it?


If you tell yourself over and over again that women don't see you as a sexual entity, then as a consequence women will not see you as a sexual entity. As a further consequence, you have made yourself sexually invisible.

Suppressed sexuality, arrested development, whatever you want to call it all comes back to confidence. No one is going to believe you as a valid sexual partner if you don't believe that you yourself are a valid sexual partner. Feelings of guilt or inadequacy truly do cast vibes, and anybody can sense it.

As a man, when you walk in to a place/party/bar, you can usually thumb out the most confident men in the building. If you watch someones behavior and body language you can generally spot if whether or not they are a charismatic person. The guys who just have "it."

Believe you me, women are 1000% better at spotting these men then we are. To the extent where some even call it a sixth sense. "Smelling fear" may not be the right phrase for it -- but it comes damned close. It is a survival instinct that has been honed for thousands of years, and can be witnessed in many other species. Women instinctively want to pick the best mate that they feel they can have. It is their biological duty to ensure their offspring have the best possible chance to thrive. It is this same instinct that has allowed human beings to succeed as a species.

Think about it as being like a job interview. Would you hire a guy who told you that he didn't think he was up to the job? Of course not. Thing is, getting sex is easier than getting a job. The only credentials you need are a shaft and balls.

I think that while well intended, a lot of the advice guys (and especially virgins) are getting on this site is misguided. Instead of worrying about clever pick-up lines and advanced tactics, the first thing many of these men need to do is accept the fact that they have a penis, and as a result are at the very least not only equipped, but entitled to and furthermore deserving of sex.

 

[#41]

I don't know. If this stuff was REALLY bothering me, then I'd be shopping for pheromones. I already have a pheromone bottle in my basement I bought at a Trade Show, but never opened yet -- because it's not bothering me enough to resort to stuff like that. Thought they have sprays that can deal with 'sexual invisibility'.

You mean in your parents basement.

 

[ohsnap]

I'll also share something a girl told me once (and this is a girl I'm 100% friends with, neither of us want anything more). She had never been in a relationship with a guy in her life, never had sex either. She met a guy, hooked up with him a few times, he asked her out and she embarked on her first 'relationship'.

It wasn't long before she'd be complaining to me that this guy just wasn't sexually aggressive at all. He never made a move on her at all. In his mind he was trying to keep the relationship perfect by being a 'nice guy' all the time, surely waiting for the 'right moment' to make a move. But of course, the moment never comes.

As a result, she was not sexually attracted to him - despite the fact he was good looking and very talented in the areas she admired. He never made a move, she dumped him, he turned even more AFC. I'm sure in his next relationship (if he ever had one) he was even more cautious, probably got dumped again... and is sitting around wondering what the heck he's doing wrong.

 

[Luke Skywalker]

Really dont bother with those sprays. You produce phermones on your own, more powerful then ones in a bottle, you just cover them up.
The only real effect of those will have is placebo, making your more confident because you believe women will love you now due to the pheromones.

I'm sorry, but I'm tired of hearing reviews of products for people who have not gone the 9-yards with them. There is another forum about this subject:
http://www.pherotalk.com that has people, like you and me, that has a forum discussing which products are consistent, which are fake, and what sort of effects you can expect, etc....

At the very least I'm honest with myself. I never tried the product out. I'm willing to give it a chance if I get desperate enough and have hard evidence that there is a problem connecting with woman in any level that's acceptable to my own level of happiness and contentment. I do not currently have any such hard evidence that would meet my personal threshold of standard to show there is a genuine problem.

I bought a bottle for $ 10.00 that may or may not work, but haven't tried it out yet. It's there as a last resort when I come to terms that I'm motivated, making an honest effort, but keep getting dead-ends connecting with women.

Until that happens, I'm not going to say this product doesn't work. I'm open to it and will believe that it 'could' work for me. Will it make me happy like a drug by new found attention from women? I don't know....maybe it will, maybe it wont. When you are talking about something fundamental like happiness and a sence of well-being -- I'm willing to gamble money on a product that can deliver that and pheromones sounds like that product to me.

As you would already know, the sex industry is exploited soo very much so you shouldnt even bother buying these things.

The only thing I've purchased from the "sex industry" a year ago was a fleshlight. Guess what -- it makes me feel happy when I use it if I need to.

Again, if a product makes you happy, and it's a one-time investment, or whatever it is, you can't put a value on something that really makes you happy...if it is that one thing that fixes up everything and makes it right, or even if it gives you that much needed confidence from getting positive experiences to get the chain reaction or positive feedback loop going.

I can't keep a closed mind towards products that 'could' work for me, if they have worked on improving the lives of other people. Maybe I like to keep up hope that there could be something out there that could dramatically improve my level of contentment or happiness specifically concerning making that connection with women and want to press that button only when it becomes important enough to test it out.

 

[Luke Skywalker]

You mean in your parents basement.

Well, I guess I'm corrupt. Mom doesn't know about that. She could handle the fleshlight. I'm not sure she'll handle that. She'll think it's a witch potion or something designed to cast spells to get girls to lust after me -- God forbid! One whiff of that smell feels like it puts me on an elevated state of mind when I put my nose into that plastic bag. It's like I felt a bit more confident. Guess I have to have that "Twilight Zone" effect by keeping this sort of fantasy that there is some magical spray in the basement that could solve everything, but I, acting like a black-ops military project is keeping this hidden and looking for a serious enough justification for using it, which so far, I have not found.

I'm leaving it there. It's a last resort. I don't use last resorts until I feel I absolutely need to use it. Don't want to spoil myself.

 

[Billy_Badass]

Wow

Interesting stuff. I am formerly, sexually invisible. I, like many of you, did not have a role model to teach me. Well, I had one, he just didn't like to talk about this stuff. I could have learned a lot from him, though, because as the years have gone by, and I have learned on my own or through friends; I have learned my dad's a ****ing pimp haha. In a cheesy, parental sort of way... But I know he either has, or at least had, mad game. It was an irony, and an epiphany to me, and it sort of justified the adoption of the "jerk" mindset. It was a huge moment for me when I finally figured out my Dad was not really a jerk, just a DJ.

I would read things about guys being firm or assertive with their women, and the methods they used were just like my father's. The ****y humor, the brash attitude, its all there. And it was that moment that I realized, when he was telling me that what other people thought of me didn't matter, it was not because I could never get people to like me, but because people would like me more if I wasn't such a try hard *****.

It is a difficult mindset to overcome, and requires time, patience, diligence, and belief in yourself, at levels you have never had before.

The problem some of you men have is far bigger then not getting women. I hate to break this to you, but you need to work on you, before you can start tapping them. Its gonna hit you, like it hit me, and you are gonna wonder why you were feeling so invisible in the first place. It just won't make sense anymore.

 

[pua1989]

i truly wish i could define for you what it is to be "sexual" but from my, and im sure many other people on this board, it is a huge array of things. its not just words, but how you say them, the look you give a girl, how you walk up to her in the heat of the moment, your smile, everything adds up to one thing. its really a primal thing. to be honest, looking back on things, i think its probably pretty plausible that at these very moments, my body was secreting these "pheromones" and naturally she as a woman was picking up on them. in fact, thats almost the best part, you approaching her in the corner of your room and the anticipation both of you have because she knows that you are about to hook up with her

 

[Lexington]

Hmm, well, how do you show sexual interest,but not get led on. They know we got ****s and want to fvuck, but aren't we trying to avoid being led on? Maybe it's my own paranoia,but I see all women as teases,one who will only lead me on if they aren't already offering to give it up,because they will for other guys,other "higher status" guys. And don't say it doesn't happen,cause it does. So,by saying I ain't gonna do nothing for her,if she ain't gonna do nothing for me,a good or bad view?

I also don't know how to be sexual. It could come from not wanting to seem like a pervert. I don't see sex as dirty,nor do I see them as "angels who can't be spoiled", but some girls are complete sluts,which I don't like. And I feel in many ways,society must go back to traditional ways were the woman/women know they're place.

Just take a look at any players you may know. Something I've noticed about all of them is that they are NOT nice guys. And they are not afraid to be aggressive with women. They don't rape them, but they don't hide their desire and they aren't ashamed of it.

The instinct of the nice guy is to suppress his sexuality. This is really unnatural and is the product of societal conditioning. Don't be afraid to be horny around a girl. She'll pick up on it, and contrary to what many girls may say, they want sex too.

Girls love a guy that can take charge and sweep them right off their feet. The jerk isn't afraid to be sexual with a woman because he sees her as nothing more than a sex object. The AFC on the other hand is way too nice and NEVER escalates. Instead, he ends up going home with blue balls to his porn collection.

True there are some real **** teases out there, but that's just something you have to live with. Just make sure that when you show your sexuality, you don't see desperate for her. Give her a heavy dose of ****y + funny. Through humor, demonstrate to her that YOU are the prize and that she should feel special that you would have sex with her.

 

[Luke Skywalker]

Just take a look at any players you may know.

Let's take the arguement that a player is a high status guy then. How many players do you know that aren't alpha males?

The instinct of the nice guy is to suppress his sexuality. This is really unnatural and is the product of societal conditioning. Don't be afraid to be horny around a girl. She'll pick up on it, and contrary to what many girls may say, they want sex too.

I think Sobchacksecurity is making a point that your status with a girl determines how your expression of sexuality will be perceived. If you are low status to a girl than she'll never want to see you more than a friend, and will look at you like some sort of creep or pervert or lead-you on while sleeping with a high-status guy. If you are a high-status in demand sort of guy then women would be approaching you and it would be a very low threshold to get them into bed (look at slickaz's threads to get the point). If you are average then you have to jump through allot of hopes, BS, and lead-ons, etc... and then feel bad if she just goes with a high-status guy at a drop of a hat.

 

[magickarl]

"
How do you do that? That is what I have been trying to figure out my whole life. How do you be that charming charismatic guy up to the job? I am freaking out over this. The whole survival thing,I mean, does it work differently on some women than others? I.E Hotter and not so hotter ones?

How do you see yourself as a valid sexual partner? How do you be like,yeah,I gotta shaft,wanna touch?

It's a lot easier than you would believe, man.

#1 rule is that you have to understand that women (or the approval of anybody else) alone will never make you happy. Think of them as like an addition to a house. A nice cook-out deck isn't going to do you any good if thats all that you have.

Instead, you have to build your house first - Become happy with yourself. That means different things for different people, but do whatever makes you content and secure. For me, that meant I had to quit living to please people. I was also pretty self conscious about my body - I was a short, skinny guy and kind of a class-clown. I had plenty of friends, including friends that were girls, but it seemed like no body saw me as anything more than the funny guy.

Whenever I would talk to people, I would almost immediately agree with them, even if I felt differently. I would also be really quick to give up my time and energy to help/please people. I guess I felt like I would be better liked if I was also a nice, dependable guy. Instead, it ended up getting me walked on and friendzoned by pretty much every HB6+ girl I would talk too.

Then, one day, that all stopped. I think it was the summer of my sophomore year in highschool. I started hitting the gym and getting serious about developing a better body (not that you have to do that, but it made me feel better). I also found some hobbies I could go out and do that I liked doing (fishing, music, writing, H.S. wrestling team, skateboarding, riding 4-wheelers, paintballing.. etc) Pretty soon, I found that I was actually happier going skateboarding or riding four-wheelers by myself than being a yes-man.

What was more, is that it seemed like the busier I got, the more my social proof raised. People from all of these hobbies would call me to see if I wanted to go hang out, and soon I was kind of "in demand." I would also meet "friends-through-friends-through-friends" which I now recognize as networking. I live in a small city with a micro-politan population of about 30,000. So word around my peer group spread pretty quick. My name got tossed around a lot more, and people took notice of me.

For example, if I would be at the gym and started talking to people, many would say that they had heard about me from friends. So I started having rapport with people. I sort of became a figure in the community. At parties people would know who I was, even if I didn't know them - Which I never would have imagined the year before. Better yet, people, especially girls, would ask about me. (Who is that? Oh! Thats MagicKarl, he's the J.V. wrestling captain. You know? Tammy was talking about what he said in Algebra the other day.) Even better still, I started getting laid.

Before I knew it, I had swagger. I couldn't have pictured myself talking down to people older/bigger than me when I was a freshman, but I had support and a strong friend-base so people started listening when I talked. So I developed a bad habit of turning conversations with people in to comedy roasts - I would talk **** on people and make jokes.The problem with that was I started acting like the people that would walk on me before I was where I was at. Soon, I would notice that the talk about me became more and more about how big of a jerk I was the other night to so-and-so.

I didn't want that. I thought about how much it pissed me off when people treated me like that, and realized I could be confident and have presence without being a ****.

Thats sort of where I am at today. I try to live my life for me, but at the same time treat other people with respect. Day by day I try to improve on my game, and I make mistakes just like any body else, but I am definitely way happier with myself today than I was 4 years ago.

I know it doesn't sound like I really talked about how to project sexuality, but I didn't have to: IT COMES NATURALLY WITH CONFIDENCE.

Believe in yourself, and so will other people.

 

[pua1989]

i disagree with most of you people. i feel as though there is a way to indirectly project your sexuality (get hobbies, become indemand, get horny around girls, etc) and directly project your sexuality.

obviously, its quite easy to start what i call indirectly projecting your sexuality, but there have been only a _few_, very _few_ occasions where i can remember directly projecting my sexuality. what i mean by this is, i can literally remember myself (as i mentioned above) going primal, and the girls had no chance to not hook up with me. i cant explain it, and i dont want to come off as the all time best pua in the world (because i am very far from that) but looking back on these few occasions, i truly believe i was secreting my body's natural pheromones or something chemical, because it literally just worked for the girls. it was almost magical. almost like that thing in one of the ocean's twelve or ocean's thirteen movie the gilroy. (i dont know if its pheromones or something but it was really powerful) i am still trying to come up with how to keep doing this, and im sure a lot of you guys have felt the same thing at one point in time. im sorry if this is vague, but i swear these few times have been so weird when i look back on them because i didnt really mean to do it consciously, it was all subconscious; and same for the girl, it was subconscious for her as well.

 

[Maxtro]

I may be going out on a limb here, but I think that all men that are "sexually invisible" are also depressed.

A man must work to heal his depression and try extra hard to be flirty/sexual.

That is what I'm trying to do.

 

[magickarl]

what i mean by this is, i can literally remember myself (as i mentioned above) going primal, and the girls had no chance to not hook up with me.

OK OK man, lying and acting to get women in bed is one thing, but RAPE IS ILLEGAL! :crackup:

Seriously though. While I understand what your talking about sort of, the majority of men on this site are having trouble just cooking up the courage to ask for a phone number. Let alone going mandingo on that tang. What you are calling indirect projection of sexuality, is known by DJ's as inner-game.

Anybody in the know will tell you that inner-game is a prerequisite to not only success with women, but success in life.

In fact, those with a true, strong inner game can pull women with virtually no outer-game. Which to me, embodies the true definition of a DJ. One so close to self-actualization that they just project charisma. No need for bravado, big-talk, acting or lying. The tang just kind of comes to you. That, my friend, is magical.

What I have described isn't that far out there. While I'm not quite there yet, I have had the pleasure of knowing a few men that were damned close. I've got this buddy that we'll call J that could be locked in solitary confinement tomorrow for the rest of his life, and he would still find pleasure in it. The man truly understands the concept of playing the cards that you are dealt, and he can usually take the pot.

And the ladies? J gets his pick. The man hardly has to do anything besides post up and make friendly chit-chat with girls and the **** is magnetic. The thing I notice the most is that he always has a GENUINE smile. It doesn't come off as cheesy or forced because it really isn't. The one thing I admire the most about my friend is his ability to enjoy life.

And J wasn't just always like that either. He wasn't one of those guys who were just "born with it." I can still remember him getting picked on in grade school. I can still remember in highschool when he couldn't get a date to save his life. I also remember how much life **** on him. When his dad died, when his house burned down, how his mom broke down and became an alcoholic so he had to go out and support his sister.

I guess one day he decided that there was no sense in feeling bad for yourself. It never made anything better before, so why would it make things better now? I don't know what happened to the guy, but he is definitely the biggest player I know.

 

[Maxtro]

I guess one day he decided that there was no sense in feeling bad for yourself. It never made anything better before, so why would it make things better now? I don't know what happened to the guy, but he is definitely the biggest player I know.

I don't know how to take this post.

How do you magically go from being a loser to a player? I wonder if something inside J just snapped and boom he's different. Or did he just decide to really change and struggle through it?

The thing I notice the most is that he always has a GENUINE smile.

That is what I want. I don't smile nearly enough. I want to be the kind of guy that is always happy and smiling.

 

[Igetit!]

I'll also share something a girl told me once (and this is a girl I'm 100% friends with, neither of us want anything more). She had never been in a relationship with a guy in her life, never had sex either. She met a guy, hooked up with him a few times, he asked her out and she embarked on her first 'relationship'.

It wasn't long before she'd be complaining to me that this guy just wasn't sexually aggressive at all. He never made a move on her at all. In his mind he was trying to keep the relationship perfect by being a 'nice guy' all the time, surely waiting for the 'right moment' to make a move. But of course, the moment never comes.

As a result, she was not sexually attracted to him - despite the fact he was good looking and very talented in the areas she admired. He never made a move, she dumped him, he turned even more AFC. I'm sure in his next relationship (if he ever had one) he was even more cautious, probably got dumped again... and is sitting around wondering what the heck he's doing wrong.

This describes me perfectly to a "T"

About 9 or 10 years ago,I was engaged. (Yes guys,I was engaged). Anyway,at the beginning,everything was good as usually is when a relationship first starts. Well as time went on,my fiance started being very agitated,irratable,and nagging and complaining a lot....about any and everything. Now at the time,I was just your typical nice guy. I tried to make things better,and it seemed like the harder I tried to make her happy,then WORST things got. Well one day,she ended the engagement. She just up and said she didn't want to marry me. She called off the engagement,and I was completely clueless as to why. She never gave me a reason.

Well a couple of weeks later,my cousin came up to me and he told me that he had talked to her and had asked her why she did that to me,and why she had called the marriage off.......and guess what she said?

She said that the reason she didn't want to marry me was because I (and I quote),"acted like I didn't want to have sex". She called the marriage off because she couldn't "feel" anything sexual FROM ME.
And you know what? She was right. I had repressed my sexual side on purpose. I repressed it because I didn't want to offend. When you hear over and over again that women don't like sex,and you hear from women themselves how men are "only interested in one thing",then it'll make you hide that part of yourself. That's what it did to me.

Later on,I went and I talk to my ex,and I told her what my cousin had said to me. I said to her,"You thought that I didn't want to have sex? Are you crazy? Of course I want to have sex".

Now check this out,this is what she said to me. She said,"Well....I didn't know".

SHE DIDN'T KNOW THAT I WANTED TO HAVE SEX!!
That's how well I had hid my sexual side. To her,I wasn't sexual,I was just a person walking around. In other words,I was "sexually invisible". But it was MY fault.

I denied my sexual side in order to not offend,but when you do that,you're being fake. Women aren't stupid. But with my ex,I had so well hidden my sexuality,that she couldn't "FEEL" it from me. And I couldn't blame her for calling off the marriage. Afterall,who wants to marry someone who doesn't seem sexually interested or attracted to them?

So if people(women) don't see you in a sexual way,it's up to you to correct the problem. People who aren't sexual are weird. Being sexual is being human.
Now of course,you should have the common sense to know when and where to express this side,but to be successful with women,you MUST express it.

 

[magickarl]

I don't know how to take this post.

How do you magically go from being a loser to a player? I wonder if something inside J just snapped and boom he's different. Or did he just decide to really change and struggle through it?

I really can't explain it. I mean it wasn't a boom overnight type of thing but the change was pretty rapid. Like over the course of five or six months. Sometimes I wonder if maybe he wasn't reading some DJ material.

At first we thought he was becoming depressed or something, I mean he had been through A LOT. See, before when people would give him **** there would at least be a reaction even if it was a bad one. Then he stopped doing that, like he wouldn't say anything at all. So, it looked to us (his friends) like he was just rolling over and dying.

Then it became more clear that he really and truly stopped giving a **** about what other people thought about him. Like the same goon-ass ****heads who would be able to ruin his day before by calling him names had suddenly lost all of their power over him. I remember one day at lunch where this ****nose named Hunter made his rounds to make fun of his moms alcoholism (real big man that guy was.)

Usually, J would just look down at the table and tell Hunter to **** off, but that day he kept his shoulders and head squared, and didn't even look in the guys direction. He just continued the conversation we were having at the lunch table. So the ******* actually says the same thing again louder like maybe J didn't hear him. So J just keeps talking, not looking at the guy, but actually sticks his palm out in hunters face just like a parent would do to a misbehaving kid. This sort of thing went on a few days, and next thing we knew, dude didn't have a word to say to J.

Similar incidents ensued afterwards - the same *****y girls who would make smart ass comments to him during class got the shocks of their lives when he shushed them (like literally put his finger to his lips and went shuuuuush.) It was ****ing priceless. Like in Austin powers when Dr.Evil would say zip it to scott.

I usually don't support violence either, but the straw that broke the camels back was just too good. J had always been a really introverted shy kind of guy. Like he wouldn't even bother to go out to parties. So one friday night he calls me up and asks if I'll give him a ride out to this party at the lake. I say sure, and I was actually really happy that he finally decided to come out.
So we get out there, and dude is the life of the party. Then some of the goon-ass friends Hunter knew show up and just start hating on him. One of them named Dylan gets up in J's face, so J just repeats the Hunter incident and pretends that the guy isn't even there. Sticks the hand in the face and everything. Well, J had always been a real timid guy - Like the last thing he would ever do is get in to a fight with somebody. But this Dylan guy gets pissed, like everybody who saw him just get brushed off started laughing at him and you can just see his face get red. So hes calling J every name in the book, and J just turns his back to him and starts hollering and some girl. Dylan shoves him in the back, and J just turns around and belts the guy in his mouth. Laid him the **** out! J lost his virginity that night.

Pretty quick after that, people stopped messing with J. It's not like he became the most popular kid in school or anything, but people respected him. After highschool was when the guy really started becoming a smooth mother****er. Something just happened where he had this way of enjoying life and he could make the best out any situation.

And I think all DJ stuff aside thats just what people should aim for: Play the cards you are dealt, and always look for the light at the end of the tunnel. Never give up, and believe that you are just as valid as anybody else. You don't have to believe that you are superior to anybody else, just that you are inferior to nobody. I think Eleanor Roosevelt actually said it better "Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent."

Embrace that fact, and the sexuality comes naturally.

 

[Luke Skywalker]

After some further thought, the only time it's really easy for me to express a sexual side, is if (hypothetically since I've never done this before) I'm paying a hooker because at least you know she expects you to be sexual since you are paying her for something. It's hard to connect this with normal women.
Sometimes you think they just wouldn't understand like a hooker or sexually solicited loose girl in an adult site would.

For me, there is almost like there is never a right or appropriate time to be sexual with a normal girl. If something goes wrong and you it's a wrong time and place, it sounds like a nuclear bomb can go off and destroy your whole life. Look at ElStud for example. He didn't even go sexual, it was just some minor kino and he got kicked out of his campus. Then you got false rape charges and other crap. Being sexual sounds like trouble sometimes.