Serious help. Did I overreact? What would you have done DJs?

[BackInTheGame78]

Understand this...when you date broken people, they LIKE and WANT those people that they have claimed were "terrible" to them in relationships.

When you show her over a period of time that you are different, it freaks her out because she thinks she is only worth those type of people and that you'll eventually see her for who she really is and just walk away...

So she does it first or causes all kinds of problems over small things so you will dump her.

Essentially she self sabotages because she thinks you are too good for her and she isn't worthy of being with you and doesn't want to be destroyed when you eventually break up with her so she will do it for you.

Sucks, but it is what it is. I've been in the same position. If someone tells you horror stories about ex boyfriends listen to them and walk away because that is what they want and eventually will dump you because you aren't like them.

The fact you dumped her gives you the power for now, but it will not change the outcome, only prolong it. Eventually she will dump you, you are too good for her in her mind.

 

[holycrapman]

You are in a better spot right now than a lot of men.



Why do you think you have this issue? Do you have any initial ideas about what you can do to improve on this?

I am in my 30's and I start thinking I have a future with them when I get exclusive. I start making plans ignoring red flags.

I also get tired of meaningless sex with several women and value a deep connection with just one.

There is a point of no return when I have to decide if I keep seeing a girl or not. After that, even if my head knows the redflags and everything about why I should eject, it's too late and my emotions are envolved.

This happened with this one taking into account that her behavior was great during the relationship.

She just texted and is coming home sooner. We will.see each other on Friday, she said she wants to talk. I will update you guys. Tha ks for the support. Fvck love....what goes up must go down and the down part is what we don't like.

 

[holycrapman]

Understand this...when you date broken people, they LIKE and WANT those people that they have claimed were "terrible" to them in relationships.

When you show her over a period of time that you are different, it freaks her out because she thinks she is only worth those type of people and that you'll eventually see her for who she really is and just walk away...

So she does it first or causes all kinds of problems over small things so you will dump her.

Essentially she self sabotages because she thinks you are too good for her and she isn't worthy of being with you and doesn't want to be destroyed when you eventually break up with her so she will do it for you.

Sucks, but it is what it is. I've been in the same position. If someone tells you horror stories about ex boyfriends listen to them and walk away because that is what they want and eventually will dump you because you aren't like them.

The fact you dumped her gives you the power for now, but it will not change the outcome, only prolong it. Eventually she will dump you, you are too good for her in her mind.

She just texted me to talk on Friday and I am getting the vibe that she wants to "dump" me after I dumped her, because she told me to please take the 3 weeks to reconsider. I said ok but I did not promise anything. She just took down our instagram stuff so I guess that's her plan.

I wanna be the one that ends it though. It's always been like that for me. Any suggestion to keep the upper hand?

 

[Chow Mein]

Ghost her.

That’s how you get the upper hand. Your future self will thank you for it. Never give a woman closure after bad behavior

 

[BackInTheGame78]

She just texted me to talk on Friday and I am getting the vibe that she wants to "dump" me after I dumped her, because she told me to please take the 3 weeks to reconsider. I said ok but I did not promise anything. She just took down our instagram stuff so I guess that's her plan.

I wanna be the one that ends it though. It's always been like that for me. Any suggestion to keep the upper hand?

Just tell her you are done and then walk away and stop responding to her texts.

If you really want to be vile then fvck her best friend.

 

[holycrapman]

Understand this...when you date broken people, they LIKE and WANT those people that they have claimed were "terrible" to them in relationships.

When you show her over a period of time that you are different, it freaks her out because she thinks she is only worth those type of people and that you'll eventually see her for who she really is and just walk away...

So she does it first or causes all kinds of problems over small things so you will dump her.

Essentially she self sabotages because she thinks you are too good for her and she isn't worthy of being with you and doesn't want to be destroyed when you eventually break up with her so she will do it for you.

Sucks, but it is what it is. I've been in the same position. If someone tells you horror stories about ex boyfriends listen to them and walk away because that is what they want and eventually will dump you because you aren't like them.

The fact you dumped her gives you the power for now, but it will not change the outcome, only prolong it. Eventually she will dump you, you are too good for her in her mind.

The question though is, what do you mean "see her for who she really is". What would she be.in your mind?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

The question though is, what do you mean "see her for who she really is". What would she be.in your mind?

It's not in my mind or your mind...it's who she is in her mind and that is a person who deserves nothing but being treated like trash.

 

[holycrapman]

Ghost her.

That’s how you get the upper hand. Your future self will thank you for it. Never give a woman closure after bad behavior

I have done it before with several women and maybe you are right. I just don't wanna do that with this one

 

[holycrapman]

It's not in my mind or your mind...it's who she is in her mind and that is a person who deserves nothing but being treated like trash.

I understand know, thank you

 

[Clockwerk50]

She just texted me to talk on Friday and I am getting the vibe that she wants to "dump" me after I dumped her, because she told me to please take the 3 weeks to reconsider. I said ok but I did not promise anything. She just took down our instagram stuff so I guess that's her plan.

I wanna be the one that ends it though. It's always been like that for me. Any suggestion to keep the upper hand?

I'd personally text her saying "just tell me what you want want to say now. I don't have time to wait till Friday and don't want to waste my time" or something like that, but again, curiosity killed the cat.

If you want to break up with her just text her "I don't think there is anything to talk about. I don't wish to peruse you anymore. Which you the best" and stop responding. This will literally kill her ego.

PS: I just re-read your post. Text her you do not wish to meet on Friday and that you need “some time” without communicating with each other. Also text her that hopefully she’ll respect your wishes. That way, you can give each other some space and walk away gracefully like a gentleman. If you want to see her on Friday then that is up to you.

I know I can push people’s buttons at times, so it’s good to avoid that approach. Don't say "I don't want to wish to peruse you anymore" lol

 

[holycrapman]

And she was the 'victim', right? Did she ever take responsibility and accountability for staying for years in an abusive relationship?

Even though she held herself accountable with her **** up with me . You are totally right, it's a total red flag that she stayed with this guy for so long

 

[holycrapman]

This is one of the reasons these women hook up with thugs and criminals - they don't feel they deserve any better and with these thugs they don't have to feel like they have to be on their 'best behaviour', which is tiresome.

It's weird though because physically I am covered in tattoos, I lift everyday and my appearance is definitely not the one of a "nice guy". Internally, I gave her the full sex drugs and and roll experience with lots of **** and dirty stuff she supposedly (and I think so due to her behavior ) had not done. Also I always held frame. However, deep down, I am a gentleman outside of the bedroom and I don't consider myself to be toxic. So that's why I thought I was giving her the best of both worlds, you know?

 

[holycrapman]

There's also the factor that women who date abusive men have an abusive childhood with (mostly) abusive fathers, so if they don't receive abuse, they think you're not being 'real'. Because her male role model was abusive, she doesn't trust non-abusive people. They might be hiding their abusive nature and blindside you suddenly. "Better the evil you know".


If you read my posts, you'll find out that I counsel C-PTSD clients, many of them women. You did a lot of things right, but you were still 'catering to her feelings' too much. I'm of the opinion that people don't know what they want, so I give them what they need, not what they ask for.
Another thing is projection. She was probably looking for her next abuser and you looked like a likely prospect, but you're not abusive, so you make her feel too inferior. You were also emotionally invested in her, which she doesn't like (go figure!) and you shared too much (photos together on IG, that sort of thing).
Probably, if you had kept her as an occasional lover she would've hated you, but still sleep with you whenever you wanted to.

Makes total sense what you are saying. She has en excellent relationship with her dad now but her dad was abusive towards the mom, so I guess she grew up seeing that.

She was the one that uploaded stuff on IG, I did not because my IG is for my profession and I don't mix both, but you are right, I highly invested in her.

Maybe as an experiment I will go cold this Friday and let her know it's completely over and I am done without showing much emotion. What do you think of that for maybe getting some of this nice pvssy down the road? I am not interested in a relationship anymore, that's for sure. But I like to keep my trained women for longer pleasure (sigh, I know).

I don't want to propose any FBW arrangement to her because that would imply I need her and would show scarcity. Like I am weak for her beauty.

Holy crap. All the things you start to think for some nice azz, even having the chance of having other azz. I am just surprised with myself here. Fell for this one hard.

 

[Grandma Penkitten]

I never unfollowed my ex (before this one) from instagram. One day she said she felt uncomfortable because for her following an ex was like keeping the door of communication open. I understood her point because she did not follow her ex so I unfollowed mine (she.did not ask to unfollow, I did it out of respect).

2 weeks after that convo, my gut told me to check her insta and I realized she and her ex had refollowed each other. She said he sent the invite and she was curious to see his profile, which after our convo seemed like non sense to me. She apologized profusely and accepted her mistake (rare in women), however the fact that she hid it from me messed with my head and I will always think she is hiding something, even if she is not.

She had optimal behavior before that which is way I feel stupid but also felt disrespected. What do you think?

Edit: I had previously told her I did not even knew her ex's name and I did not care about knowing who he was. But did know who he was

I guess when she refollowed her ex, she jumped on your stuff to see who you were following. Maybe out of curiosity. And when she realized there was an ex on the list, it made her jealous. So that is how the agreement came about in the first place. But it wasn't trivial. She asked you to prove you weren't doing something that she should have just trusted you at your word. Why didn't she trust you? Because she herself was in violation of the exact same thing.
She just did not know it would backfire and that you would check her list out.
You did not overreact. You trusted your gut when you needed to instead of being in denial.
If there is no trust in a relationship, there is no future.

 

[upcoming_DJ]

Ghost her.

That’s how you get the upper hand. Your future self will thank you for it. Never give a woman closure after bad behavior

this right here. will drive her nuts.

 

[Chow Mein]

Makes total sense what you are saying. She has en excellent relationship with her dad now but her dad was abusive towards the mom, so I guess she grew up seeing that.

She was the one that uploaded stuff on IG, I did not because my IG is for my profession and I don't mix both, but you are right, I highly invested in her.

Maybe as an experiment I will go cold this Friday and let her know it's completely over and I am done without showing much emotion. What do you think of that for maybe getting some of this nice pvssy down the road? I am not interested in a relationship anymore, that's for sure. But I like to keep my trained women for longer pleasure (sigh, I know).

I don't want to propose any FBW arrangement to her because that would imply I need her and would show scarcity. Like I am weak for her beauty.

Holy crap. All the things you start to think for some nice azz, even having the chance of having other azz. I am just surprised with myself here. Fell for this one hard.

What line of work are you in if you use IG for your profession?

 

[Solomon]

And she was the 'victim', right? Did she ever take responsibility and accountability for staying for years in an abusive relationship?

This is one of the reasons I started taking women's story with a grain of salt, every woman has a "woe it's me story" but once you start dealing with said women you learn pretty quickly why things go left.

I try to show empathy but personally, if I just met a woman I'm paying more attention to her actions than words, a lot of women can spin a good tale and after a while you become numb to hearing the same b.s. especially once their true colors show

 

[Divorced w 3]

The right move is walk away. The odds of her being mature and composed enough to not put you and the relationship through this are slim, but I would remiss if I didn’t say I’ve dealt with this before and have worked through it.

You could try letting her know that social media is not something you believe in, and do a mutual deletion of your profiles, which honestly I think is the best whether or not you and her are together.

I don’t think that you should have to socialize with, or otherwise be involved with, your partner’s exes. Of course, there is always an exception, but I think 9/10 times it should be over with and not expected to recur or be allowed in the future.

 

[upcoming_DJ]

Hi everyone. Your thoughts on this will be greatly appreciate it:

My gf or exgf, met 1 year ago on Bumble. We wa ited 6 months to be official (Inwas spinning plates) and it was one of the best relationships I ever had with a chick.

She came from a 4 year relationship with a guy who in her words "treated her terribly".

The bagagge that she had with this guy included: 2 abortions, verbal abuse, rape while she was under the influence several times and cheating.

Now to the story. 1 month ago, we had an argument about something trivial and she took down our instagram highlights that she had of us. That made me curious and I was checking her insta and saw some pictures where she was with her ex and another friend at a festival from a couple of years ago and another one where her leg and another leg from a man where showing like seeing a mountain.

I asked her who that was and she said her ex. I told her that made me uncomfortable due to the horror stories she told me about him and due to the fact that she removed ours for a little argument and not his. She said it was part of the past but deleted them and I thanked her. I don't have any pictures of my ex hanging around my house or my instagram out of respect and she understood that.

After that, she told me that I was following my ex on insta and that made her uncomfortable too because for her following is like there a bridge of communication and connection. I followed my ex before meeting her and I absolutely did not talk to my ex at all but I completely understood and unfollowed out of respect. It's good to know that I did not have horror stories to tell about my ex, it just did not work out.

2 weeks later, I can't explain to you but there was an inside voice to tell me to check her followers. I saw that she and her ex re added each other on instagram. Both have private accounts so you have to go to the process of requesting and accepting. I called her out on it and she apologized and said she ****ed up but it was out of curiosity and that he added her first.

That broke my trust. I am not the guy that goes checking your followers and likes but she started that game and it just woke something in me to check.

I told her I don't understand thid after the talked we had 2 weeks ago and that's shady because she did not even mention it to me to see how I would feel and it felt like a double standard and that I would not feel curiosity for someone that hurt me so much in the past and would not risk throwing away everything I had with her for that.

We had plans of living together.

I dumped her, she is begging. Currently she is in a trip with her family and asked me to take these weeks to re think.

My trust is broken, I love her and she was really good to me but I cant just forget that. What would you do?

Ps: cex is great and she does every freaky thing I like. Dhring these weeks she called and I ignored. She texted me that she misses me a lot and she loves me,.I ignored again. Now she disappeared but will come back in 4 days.

I feel stupid

OP let me share my experience with a girl who from the onset of a relationship we had, expressed how much of an ******* her ex was to her. The way she expressed herself, I could feel it still pained her up until that very same day. She said she was in the hospital dying, and the dude did not visit her .... and dismissed her news of being in the hospital.

fast forward a couple months later after I "committed" and spent thousands of dollars on trips and eating lavish (not because of her, that's my lifestyle and what I enjoy), a trip to Mexico City, and a trip to Argentina, my GUT told me something was definitely off.

After snooping through her phone, my GUT was right. guess what? she was on a snapchat streak with an account. i confronted her, she called BS. little while after, she came to 'confess'. she says it was her ex, and that he reached out first (i've seen a lot of that shared on here) and that she was merely being polite. HAAAAAA

man, if I knew then what I know now....I would have left her in Mexico City alone.

it is NOT worth the trouble. for content: I ended up slapping this girl so hard, that after, I was walking to my vehicle and fell on my knees and went backwards, tearing both of my quad tendons. I could not walk for 8 months. It was like God sent instant karma and a serious wake up call.

that was it for me. she insisted on staying around until eventually she got the message. I had to threaten her that she would get hurt, for her to stay away. even so she was chasing via email and text.

 

[upcoming_DJ]

OP let me share my experience with a girl who from the onset of a relationship we had, expressed how much of an ******* her ex was to her. The way she expressed herself, I could feel it still pained her up until that very same day. She said she was in the hospital dying, and the dude did not visit her .... and dismissed her news of being in the hospital.

fast forward a couple months later after I "committed" and spent thousands of dollars on trips and eating lavish (not because of her, that's my lifestyle and what I enjoy), a trip to Mexico City, and a trip to Argentina, my GUT told me something was definitely off.

After snooping through her phone, my GUT was right. guess what? she was on a snapchat streak with an account. i confronted her, she called BS. little while after, she came to 'confess'. she says it was her ex, and that he reached out first (i've seen a lot of that shared on here) and that she was merely being polite. HAAAAAA

man, if I knew then what I know now....I would have left her in Mexico City alone.

it is NOT worth the trouble. for content: I ended up slapping this girl so hard, that after, I was walking to my vehicle and fell on my knees and went backwards, tearing both of my quad tendons. I could not walk for 8 months. It was like God sent instant karma and a serious wake up call.

that was it for me. she insisted on staying around until eventually she got the message. I had to threaten her that she would get hurt, for her to stay away. even so she was chasing via email and text.

ps - it was after this that I've been going through red pill rage. I am more out of it than I was in it at the beginning, but still stings.