Potential wife past sexual history

[pipeman84]

Lol, I am flattered that you care so much about my posts that you take the time go searching, but again I have nothing to be ashamed of here.

I didn't search your posts, @Velasco posted that quote.
Your case is one more data point that confirms one of the theses I laid out in this thread, namely that LTRs do bring baggage and that mantra 'women learn and grow from them' is patently false.

 

[pipeman84]

My original post today was essentially seeking understanding as I didn't understand the "virgin" mindset.

I still don't BUT I respect it and will leave it at that.

C'mon now, through your posts, YOU answered your own question, but perhaps you don't like the answer so you choose to ignore. Ok, let me spell it out: Men seek purity, innocence while women seek experience, strength. That's masculine/feminine polarity 101. Now you admit going through 3 LTRs, then the 4th was with a drug addict/alcoholic. No one is that naive to not understand that after those experiences your innocence and purity tanked just like the stock of a company that went bankrupt. You boast about the growth (which is highly debatable, 3 LTRs to end up with a drug addict/alcoholic?!) and experience you gained but that's not what men seek.

 

[Velasco]

We were together six years and engaged to be married. I discovered a few months prior to marriage he had gotten involved with some unsavory characters and heavily into drugs

You were together for 6 years (!) and didn't know until a few months before you guys were supposed to be married, he was a drug addict? Lmao. Stop the cap.

The fact that, "he was about as unstable as you could get" didn't tip you off that there's something off about this dude?

I've been with girls that who were drug addicts. Every single one of them I knew this about them very early on. I didn't care. I just knew they weren't long term relationship material is all.

Just because your easily able to fool a lot of these other guys, and your naive husband, doesn't mean others can't see right through you. Just stop lol.

 

[The Duke]

For the great experiences and joy and growing it can bring. It's a bit like asking why go to a gym? With all the fat people, slobs, lack of time etc why bother? Because life is much better in a healthy, vibrant, good looking body.

How many wives have you had? What does a wife provide that a solid girlfriend doesn't? I don't see the benefit.

 

[The Duke]

Once again CatMeow destroys a great topic. She is full of herself, all about getting attention and Can't keep her mouth shut. Offers horrible advice.

When are you mods going to remove her for good?

I've been here a lot of years and seen you remove people because they offended somebody, yet this idiot keeps corrupting this forum and nothing is done.

This forum is about men understanding women and improving themselves. She offers next to nothing.

 

[Bokanovsky]

I totally disagree. It depends on the person (men as well as there are plenty of men who have suffered psychological damage after a LTR ends) and how they choose to deal with adversity.

Personally speaking as a woman who has had multiple LTRs prior to marriage, I don't have severe psychological damage. The opposite, I am actually a better more well rounded person for having those experiences.

Resilience is key. Resilient people bounce back, learn and grow from past experiences.

Emotionally fragile people allow those experience to destroy them or severely affect them in negative ways.

It all depends on how you choose to deal with your personal journey called LIFE.

You can disagree but your opinion on the subject is not exactly impartial, is it?

 

[Bokanovsky]

Once again CatMeow destroys a great topic. She is full of herself, all about getting attention and Can't keep her mouth shut. Offers horrible advice.

When are you mods going to remove her for good?

I've been here a lot of years and seen you remove people because they offended somebody, yet this idiot keeps corrupting this forum and nothing is done.

This forum is about men understanding women and improving themselves. She offers next to nothing.

In fairness, any man who takes dating advice from a woman (any woman) deserves the disaster that he's about to bring upon himself. Doesn't matter if the woman has good intentions. Doesn't matter if the woman is his own mother. Women are simply not capable of giving good dating advice to men (there are a number of reasons for this but it's a subject for a much longer discussion).

Women are also notoriously incapable of objective self-reflection. A man with four failed LTR's under his belt would have no difficulty admitting that there is something wrong with him. A woman, on the other hand, would never admit anything of the sort. She would rationalize her failures in every way possible way and ultimately find a way to assign blame to everyone other than herself.

 

[Bokanovsky]

You're right it's not, it's my experience. However, there are many women (and men) who feel same way I do. Who choose to see the glass half full, who have the ability to overcome adversity and come out the other side stronger.

We are talking about two different things. You are talking about subjective feelings and I'm talking about ascertaining objective verity (independent of subjective bias). How a person "feels" about themselves rarely has any bearing on objective reality. Feeling good about yourself is a psychological defence mechanism. Ted Buddy, by all accounts, felt pretty good about himself. That didn't make him objectively a good person.

Ascertaining objective verity requires cold, detached thinking that is not tainted by emotion (which is the root cause of bias). Because women are emotional creatures by nature, this kind of thinking is not natural to them. This is why there has never been a great female scientist or philosopher. When a woman encounters a fact pattern, she analyzes it, first and foremost, in terms of how she can relate it to herself. You may have noticed that the few female posters who frequent this board (including yourself and “the old lady”) always, without exception, turn every thread that they participate into a discussion about themselves. There is a perfectly reasonable explanation for that. Women struggle to formulate and express thoughts that are not subjective.

 

[Pandora]

I was hesitant to post this but decided what the heck, gonna post.

To the men who seek virgins and degrade women who aren't, you talk like you think sex is some dirty disgusting activity and women who engage in it before marriage (or sometimes even after) are gross, disgusting and aren't "pure."

One poster in particular keeps harping on how non-virgins are "disgusting."

What makes a woman engaging in sexual intimacy with a past serious boyfriend so disgusting to you?

Would you deem a virginal woman disgusting after having sex with you?

Answer - yes I've heard of men losing all attraction for his virgin wife after having sex with her believing her to be "disgusting."

Giving him license to abuse her, in some cases kill her!

I've worked with women whose abusive boyfriends and husbands had this mindset, calling them "disgusting wh0res" after they had sex with them. They were virgins prior.

Before sex = virginal, pure.
After sex = damaged goods. Unworthy. Disgusting.

Not sure where this hatred towards women and sex stems from, perhaps from their own fathers? Trickle down?

Or a Madonna/Wh0re complex?

Who the hell knows.

I wish y'all luck.

Having many previous partners is disgusting because it shows that the women is easily impressed. Sex for a woman is an act of surrender. She is being willingly invaded by a foreign force. She opened her gates and let him ravish her and she loved it.

Would you want to be with a person that surrenders to everyone? Would that make you feel special? Here you are as a man surrendering your money, time, effort, future sexual partners just to make her feel special yet she surrendered her most precious asset to everyone.

A woman having 3 or 4 sexual partners per lifetime is okay and understandable. But when you start hitting 15, 20 etc that just means you surrender to a lot of men. Its a sign of a very low self esteem.

 

[Pandora]

Why would anyone want a wife these days? I get having kids, but the deck is stacked against you. We've let women run wild in the streets, and they have damaged themselves. I think you will need to give up looks to get a good woman that makes a good wife.

Bingo. My best gf's were the mildly unattractive ones. Dang I wish I treated them better. This is the pink elephant in the room. No guy wants to talk about how there are still decent women, they are just ugly af.

 

[pipeman84]

How many wives have you had? What does a wife provide that a solid girlfriend doesn't? I don't see the benefit.

Never been married. Well, if you live with the solid girlfriend then for all intents and purposes and according to common law, you are married. When I say wife/marriage I don't necessarily equate it to having a marriage certificate. That opens a whole can of worms about men being divorce raped in some jurisdictions and that is way beyond the scope of this thread.

May I ask why you're arguing with me, with my experience and how I have chosen to deal with it?

I'm not arguing, I just said your example proves my thesis and answers your own question about the attraction of virgins. Your claim is that a woman who's been through 4 LTRs, including with a drug addict/alcoholic as has been uncovered in the later posts, should be viewed by men just as valuable for marriage purposes as one who is a virgin. It's like saying a power-lifter who's had surgery on both his knees and shoulders is as good as one who didn't have any. Yeah, he might have learned a lot, but his body is damaged.
@Bokanovsky has said women are not capable of objective self-reflection and you prove that point. Because if you were, you wouldn't even have asked us guys a question with an obvious answer.

 

[pipeman84]

My best gf's were the mildly unattractive ones. Dang I wish I treated them better. This is the pink elephant in the room. No guy wants to talk about how there are still decent women, they are just ugly af.

Man, that's not fair to you or them...to start a relationship with someone you find unattractive. If she doesn't pass the first test, which is physical attraction, why go further? For every girl you find unattractive, there's other guy out there who thinks she's beautiful. Let them meet each other.

 

[member160761]

What makes a woman engaging in sexual intimacy with a past serious boyfriend so disgusting to you?

You can word it that way, or you can describe what actually happens and relate why men are repulsed by that:
A girl who got penetrated by a benis in more than one orifice and got filled up with semen by a strange man several times with no strings attached. You have prostitutes for that and they are smart enough and ask for money.

It is not the act we find repulsive, it is the fact that she is physically and mentally tainted, marked by other men. Man's reaction is natural and this is why we had laws against fornication for thousands of years. The same was not codified for men but it was encouraged to keep your benis to yourself lest you become effeminate due to obsessing over vageen.

 

[Barrister]

You're right it's not, it's my experience. However, there are many women (and men) who feel same way I do. Who choose to see the glass half full, who have the ability to overcome adversity and come out the other side stronger.

I am not really getting why I am being faulted for this. Would it be better if I were an angry, embittered, jaded woman who disliked and distrusted all men because I had a few relationships that didn't work out?

I am a positive person, I choose to believe that when one door closes, there is another bigger better door that opens.

Which I have found in my husband and marriage, I'm happy!

I haven't lost my femininity or positive spirit because past relationships didn't end up in marriage.

I am not quite sure why I am being negatively judged and criticized for that.

P.S. And for the person who thinks I can't keep my mouth shut or seeking attention, if posters would stop asking me questions and engaging me, I would! LOL

Or would you rather I ignore your questions, would that be better?

I have 84 "likes" and have received over 20 private messages since rejoining welcoming me back and telling me I have value on the forum and to continue posting.

So perhaps someone else needs to keep his mouth shut and/or place me on ignore, frankly I am baffled why he has not.

I remember that time(s) where you said you were REALLY leaving the forum THIS time (it seemed like the 10th time you had said in one thread). But you are back here now with a different screen name - cleverly a "2" placed behind your original one.

I think you need to ask yourself why you feel the need to come onto a men's seduction/dating forum and argue with male posters about how happy you are with yourself, how you aren't lascivious, how men here are missing the point about women's nature, etc. etc. It says a lot about you frankly. And to many of us, it rubs us the wrong way where it seems like every thread you are involved in gets turned into a thread about Catsmeow. You keep saying people are asking you questions. That is true they are asking for discourse on the topic at hand -- not to always make everything case sensitive to your life.

I am fine with having women on the forum and have greatly enjoyed some of their insight in the past. But the men here aren't stupid and can see through your poorly veiled attempts to always get some personal validation out of this place. And it is behavior that some us have dealt with from women in the past and haven't appreciated - which doesn't help your situation here.

My two cents.

 

[Barrister]

Yeah OK @Barrister I'll think about why I'm here however you might consider why you and some others become SO emotionally triggered by my posts, and if they have no value to you, why not simply ignore?

Would that not be the most logical thing to do rather rather than waste time and energy responding with your protracted analysis on why I don't belong here?

Re my "advice" I'm curious what you find so 'wrong' and distasteful about it and again why it emotionally triggers you and some others?

I mean wtf, since when did being resilient, picking your ass up and carrying on after a break up, learning and growing from the experience become wrong? Which has been the essence of my posts on this thread, and some others.

If a man had posted that, you'd be applauding him. It's what mature evolved people do for chrissakes.

Not wallow and and carry the mindset and negative energy that there must be something "wrong" with you, referring to one of your posts about men and criticising me (and women in general) for not "owning " that and choosing instead to see the glass half full and learning from the experience. Lord.

You and the other poster who continually becomes ridiculously unhinged at my presence here but yet won't block are not the only men here.

For context I have received many DM's thanking me for my posts/advice, which I find interesting since they do so in DM's and not on the forum where others can see.

But whatever, I DO appreciate the validation, I own it and not ashamed of it.

I'm happy that what I have learned over the years has helped someone else in some small way, yes it makes me feel good knowing that.

If you find that wrong or "solipsistic" so be.

Anyway, I have said my piece on this thread. And will continue to post if I feel it might have value and help someone else in a positive way.

Ciao.

No one is "emotionally triggered" here. I am simply explaining to you why you rub a lot of the guys here the wrong way. And your response here is consistent with your normal response when someone points it out to you. And you are glossing over the fact, continually, that this is a MEN's forum you are on. A forum with a very large segment dedicated to rooting out validation-seeking behavior from women and teaching men how to recognize it and put a stop to it. I think that is highly relevant to why you are getting negative reactions.

And why would I block you? Not like I am losing sleep over your presence here. I don't have anything personally against you - but I think you try to paint it that way for some unknown reason.

 

[2Rocky]

All these posters in here who can't have a polite discussion with the one or two females in the forum, and they wonder why" they can't find a good woman". Guys...I don't think you will find women MORE "on your side" and still you insist on debating with them. Sometimes you are your own worst enemy.

There is a saying in skiing....Ski the gaps not the trees. You get what you focus on. A tree in my peripheral vision was still a tree I was obsessed with, afraid of – drawing my attention away from where I actually wanted to go.

I don't read anyone here reflecting on themselves asking how they can be more at peace with themselves, and their path in life, to attract the kind of woman they could consider to be a lifelong companion, or a series of meaningful relationships filled with passion and respect. Instead you complain about the trees in your path, and ski right into them.

 

[Dr.Suave]

All these posters in here who can't have a polite discussion with the one or two females in the forum, and they wonder why" they can't find a good woman". Guys...I don't think you will find women MORE "on your side" and still you insist on debating with them. Sometimes you are your own worst enemy.

There is a saying in skiing....Ski the gaps not the trees. You get what you focus on. A tree in my peripheral vision was still a tree I was obsessed with, afraid of – drawing my attention away from where I actually wanted to go.

I don't read anyone here reflecting on themselves asking how they can be more at peace with themselves, and their path in life, to attract the kind of woman they could consider to be a lifelong companion, or a series of meaningful relationships filled with passion and respect. Instead you complain about the trees in your path, and ski right into them.

I don't disagree. You make some good points bro. But theres Guys here who are very Nice (perhaps too Nice) to catsmeow and beexcellent, and they still can't find a Quality girl.

 

[2Rocky]

I don't disagree. You make some good points bro. But theres Guys here who are very Nice (perhaps too Nice) to catsmeow and beexcellent, and they still can't find a Quality girl.

The vast majority are argumentative.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Yes being a virgin is important. Submission is even more important than past promiscuity. The ability to be submissive is not necessarily correlated to notch count. I used to think it was until I dated 2 virgins. They were a headache. They were very stubborn and did not take guidance. The stubbornness they used to hold on to their virginity is the same stubbornness they will use to defy you. I rather have an agreeable past sl*t than a stubborn virgin.

Also, good luck in finding a girl with a less than 10 man notch count in the West. Its almost impossible. If they are attractive its even more impossible. It does bother me a lot that most girls have double digit notch counts but this is what we have to deal with.

It's not. And if that is the mindset guys have, that they need to find a virgin they are delusional and this may be a form of mental illness, IMHO

Although more likely just worried that a woman who has experience sexually will find them severely lacking in skills in that domain compared to other men, so the only way to eliminate that is to find a woman that has nothing to compare them to.

 

[Velasco]

so the only way to eliminate that is to find a woman that has nothing to compare them to.

This is why I'd prefer her to have 1-2 previous partners. Virgins (referring to the good looking young ones, after you've slept with them) these days are too curious about what else is out there, even if your the best she could get.