people are good

[iqqi]

You cannot honestly do the same in reverse because you cannot objectively even admit when a woman is being selfish or bad in the first place. So your examples of the reverse would be just as biased. The point is there's few truley good women, and I don't care if you believe it or not.

You are full of sh!t, and I can't argue with your illogical statements.

Of course I can see when a woman is being selfish or bad, I see it all the time. Same with men. I'm not "pro-woman".

 

[ketostix]

ketostix you make some great points also. Joekerr is more right in the proposition of having an "internal positive outlook" of the world rather than a negative one, this just makes you feel better, makes you have more confidence, and be more comfortable. I believe confidence = comfortableness, if you were going to hang out with a group of friends you would be "comfortable and confident" right? Now imagine having out with a group of strangers? Not so "comfortable" right?

Joekerr is saying to "imagine" everyone as friends, good people, this is ONLY to assist in YOUR internal positive state, emotions, and feelings.

This is what we all should do, not because it's "unrealistic" that everyone is "good," we aren't doing it for other people we are doing it for ourselves, having this internal image makes ourselves feel better.

What I added was to have a protection plan established around every area of your life, so you don't become a DOORMAT, or get used, or taken advantage of, or other harmful things that people do to POSITIVE AND NICE PEOPLE, see what I'm saying?

I think we all should be striving to be attractive, nice, and great to our communities WITHOUT being a doormat in the process.

After all, the problem with the AFC is NOT that he's a bad person or maybe not even the fact that he's unattractive, the problem is that he's a doormat, and hasn't created protection and defensive plans to safeguard each area of his life from his surroundings.

Excellent way of looking at it there. If you substitute the word "good" for a word that like I don't know "friendly" it might be a better way of looking at it than people are either good or bad, or people respond in kind to "positivity" maybe even if it's somewhat phony. People will still compete and do you harm though if maybe even less so when you have a postive mindset and you do have to set boundaries to not be a doormat. I agree with you that confidence is mostly synonomous with being comfortable. That's the main thing if your uncomfortable and unconfident and negative due to the knowledge that others do bad things they just pick up on that and reciprocate more bad things toward you. It's really just reciprocity (sp?) for the most part.

 

[ketostix]

Of course I can see when a woman is being selfish or bad, I see it all the time. Same with men. I'm not "pro-woman".

Well judging from most of your posts you could've fooled me you're not pro-female . I'm still waiting for the examples of good women and their deeds to coming pouring in on this forum. The sad part is a lot of men do nice things for women all the time and it's consider AFC.

 

[aliasguy]

Well judging from most of your posts you could've fooled me you're not pro-female . I'm still waiting for the examples of good women and their deeds to coming pouring in on this forum. The sad part is a lot of men do nice things for women all the time and it's consider AFC.

YEAH. And I used to ENJOY doing "nice" things for women. Really.

So, I've curtailed that over the last few years, and I'm doing BETTER with women. And they get LESS from me. And I get more from them. It IS sad. But, I cannot go back. That would SUCK.

The "examples of good women and their deeds" hasn't noticeably changed, in MY experience, either.

 

[iqqi]

The sad part is a lot of men do nice things for women all the time and it's consider AFC.

Yeah, but youre one of the guys who think "nice things" require "repayment", and therefor it isn't really nice at all. I am pretty sure that I made a FR where I was attracted to something that was done for me that was "nice".

I am not Pro-woman, I am anti-retard. As in thinking you should/could judge a whole gender based on some dumb sh!t. But then again, your mindframe is probably why you keep experiencing what you do, and IMO was a major point of the thread itself.

 

[ketostix]

Yeah, but youre one of the guys who think "nice things" require "repayment", and therefor it isn't really nice at all.

See the only reason why you say that is because you're being selfish. Why do you even want nice things from people who you wouldn't want to reciprocate to? That's one reason I don't want to debate the rest of what you said that and you make it personal like I'm the only guy that notices how females behave. Most guys notice it too.

 

[iqqi]

See the only reason why you say that is because you're being selfish. Why do you even want nice things from people who you wouldn't want to reciprocate to? That's one reason I don't want to debate the rest of what you said that and you make it personal like I'm the only guy that notices how females behave. Most guys notice it too.

I don't "want nice things from people", and that doesn't even make sense. When someone does something nice, it should be without expectations. When I do nice things, I don't expect repayment. That doesn't even make any sense.

And most women notice that all men are dogs. What is your point? Mine would be that "most men" you speak of, and "most women" who think all men are dogs, are incorrect in their summations. But I am sure they experience these things, as their mind is set up to see it, and to not notice the flip side.

 

[Gerard-890]

Not to get to far off the topic because I would love to discuss it in more detail with Joekerr and the others. But with the topic that iqqi brought up about men doing "nice things" to her and some guys believing those things require repayment, thus = those actions weren't really nice, is correct but the overall mindset and behavior of the woman in question is wrong.

I sorta of am having the same internal emotional "disappointment" in women like aliasguy brought up, in that when you are "nice" to women they seem to lose interest, this is hard because majority of my personality is that of a nice guy but not a doormat.

However, it becomes sorta of unfair to place women in a situation to "give her nice things" and to "expect" her to be as "nice" as you was when you gave it out. She might not have the same internal "nice-ness."

My issue with women in general as far as a growing, mature, relationship goes, is not in the area of "nice-ness" but the overall group of women not really being great relationship partners, meaning, not having the internal process to give without expectation.

Most nice guys are just purely nice and will give and give w/o really expecting in return. These guys will be taken advantage of and used, but that's another story.

My question is why don't most women share this same internal process as many "nice guys" do?

For I believe the strength, foundation, and longevity of a relationship is not in how good the sex is, how strong the money is, nor how well you to share in common interests, I believe the strength of any relationship is the internal willing-ness of both parties to give to the other, this process of giving and receiving makes for a great bond.

My question to some of the women on the forum (not to get to far off JoeKerr's topic), is why aren't there many "nice women?" I really don't think it's anything wrong with the nice guy just except his partner doesn't share the same internal willing ness to "give" without expectation, but the process of continuing to give without receiving is draining.

Why aren't women (which this problem seems more in Amercia) aren't more willing to "give" without looking to "receive" similar to how a "nice guy" would do?

I believe the divorces, bad relationships, and problems with relationships in general are more from the women:

1.) Not willing to give without expectation
2.) Women being more into "great sex partners" rather than "great husbands."
(this would explain why a thug, bad boy, or Mr. Romance gets laid faster than the overall great guy)

 

[iqqi]

There ARE plenty of nice women, the real question is how come you aren't noticing THEM? Or choosing THEM?

And what does a nice girl mean, to you.

 

[Luthor Rex]

Except I said it was one minor example, and I could give many more examples over many years of observing similar characteristics of women and almost none to the contrary.

You mean like the characteristic of how you'll be trying to explain something to a woman and she doesn't get it. So you use an example or three and her reply to that is:

"Well that's just one example!"

As though you were really going to lay out a few hundred examples along with case studies and double-blind-control-group-peer-reviewed-studies.

They do that because they don't think like us. Their brains are actually built differently, and there was a book about it in the last few years called "the female brain" I believe.

Aside from that, I have this one example...

:crazy:

 

[Zero2]

A little thought here.

Actually previously in my younger days in school, I used to think people are mostly just bad and cant be trusted. Sad case, I was the boy that sat right at the back with suicidal thoughts wondering why people are so cold.

Used to think females are goddess, hates me and i can never ever succeed or amount to anything great in my life. I was fat, ugly and had scars due to eyzemia, a skin condition when I was young.

Always being beaten up by my mum who was divorced during that time, I had a very twisted mindset of people that everyone who got along are just people who are using another.

My main sticking point was I went church and got saved, so that transformed me from a freak to an AFC. That, was a good move. Cos at least as an AFC I got somewhere in my head there was a man living in the skies that truely loved me and wanted to buy me a mansion in the sky and give me a bmw when I die.

Up next in the pivotal point of my life is when I left church 7 years later and read the DJ bible instead. I forced myself to approach, learnt how to talk to people anything and learnt how to assume absolutely nothing. That formed me from a thinking of "saving myself until marriage" to I can do anything as long I take responsiblity in my actions.

AKA, not giving a fvck.

This step upgraded me from an AFC to starter DJ.

From the time frame from being a freak and the time that I was banging my sweet girl in a mall cubicle at the staff toilet at my workplace.. a short spark of light came into my mind.

exactly 10 years ago if you told me i will be having a work I love, lost my virginity, have girls hanging around me, and banging away with a girl i love in a staff toilet while there are females outside chit chatting..

I would be like... wow.. that is a perfect dream for me. Only exist when i sleep.

I know females will eventually leave or maybe they die or their hearts will turn cold, but hey.. I started out with nothing. I was a freak, I commited suicide before, I had nothing at all in the first place, so why bother if I lose anything now?

Used to be I thought after experiencing sex, my life will be complete. But now im focusing more about life and what is life to be.

In summary, the world is basically a mirror, if you choose to see people as bad and act on it, not trusting them and vibe them in a way they are fvckers, well, they will be, and in a way you believe it will hurt you the most, they will do it.

Vice versa, if they are good, well.. lets just say I got to where I am thinking of them this way.

In closing, I just want to share a quote i learnt from abraham hicks, that:

What you think,
and What you feel
and What manifests
Will always be a match.

 

[Luthor Rex]

Yeah, but youre one of the guys who think "nice things" require "repayment", and therefor it isn't really nice at all.

You're right it wouldn't be 'nice' it would be 'teamwork'.

Get real ippi, you know the context of these comments. This isn't some GirlProblems message board. This is a message board where boys, men and ex-husbands have been screwed over hard and screwed over a lot.

Within the context of that experience, which everyone knows you are aware, then when a woman says what you said the men will hear: "if you want me to scratch your back because you scratched mine then you're not nice!" And no one who is living in 2007 America can blame them. (Thank the gods you're not a feminist or you'd be saying that such fair-play is misogyny too!)

Most women have internalized self-hatred and passive-aggressive behaviors. (I'll give several hundred examples as well as peer-reviewed double-blind studies in a follow up post.) With that volatile mix these women are self-destructing, spraying the goop on those around them, and then arrogantly shouting how it's someone else's fault.

We live in a culture where female aggression is either ignored or encouraged.

"Boys are stupid, throw rocks at them."

Crap, that was only one example!

 

[Luthor Rex]

There ARE plenty of nice women, the real question is how come you aren't noticing THEM? Or choosing THEM?

I actually have ground radar tracking both of those women right now.

Some militant feminists are hot on their trail. But I've got an extraction team in route, and some Rangers to delay the feminists.

:wave:

 

[iqqi]

You mean like the characteristic of how you'll be trying to explain something to a woman and she doesn't get it. So you use an example or three and her reply to that is:

"Well that's just one example!"

I am pretty sure I didn't say that AT ALL. Damn some people just CAN'T read. ! It's alarming.

What I DID say (and why do I always have to REITERATE sh!t...)

Originally Posted by iqqi
And I could do the same, but reversed. What's the point.

If you don't get what that means, let me TRY and make it more clear. It doesn't matter how many billions and trillions of examples you come up with. All it does is support your own mindframe. And negative thinking. Go ahead! You expect bad, you get bad.

Originally Posted by iqqi
Yeah, but youre one of the guys who think "nice things" require "repayment", and therefor it isn't really nice at all.

Originally Posted by Luther Rex
You're right it wouldn't be 'nice' it would be 'teamwork'.

Get the fvck outta here. I am talking about strangers, and random acts of kindness, and you bring up the concept of teamwork. That is something that comes with a relationship, not something between strangers. No wonder you are clueless! I had to look at your age after you said that, thinking you must be 12.... 31?! Goodness!

You not only can't read, but you seem to have a huge issue with the women you know in your life, and I would be safe in assuming the "teamwork" factor. Good luck with that. Since none of what you said had crap to do with what I said, this will be the end of our "debate".

Don't randomly jump at things I say, if you aren't going to read what I wrote. I am not the women you've met. Thanks. Grow up.

 

[grinder]

I suspect revisiting your 'topic sentence' would be best in order to
address your point. You strayed from it, I feel.

The universe. Good or hostile. Why, the answer is "neither." Sometimes I wonder what Albert Einstein really meant when he wrote that. The universe just is. It is exempt from value judgements. Only we, as people, can shape the universe into something pallatable and groovy, or something awful and formidable and deadly. Which do we choose?

People and their natures are similarly gray. People just are. It's beyond our control...only our interpretations and expectations of other's behavior is mallable, and those are the only aspects of human nature we have any control over.

You expect good, you'll be blindsided by bad; you expect bad, you'll definitely be blindsided by good and perhaps not even recognize it.

My thoughts exactly.

I was going to take exception with the last sentence but I’d like to expand on that to explain my views.

Rather than “good” or “bad” I see patterns that conform to some basic rules of the universe.

With regard to how it impacts ME I will judge whether any particular pattern will lead to a favorable or not favorable outcome for ME. I steer away from unfavorable patterns and towards favorable ones.

I also see lots of patterns that are neutral that, given some understanding, can be influenced towards a favorable outcome for ME.

 

[iqqi]

Mother Theresa.
Matthew McConaughey.

A man and a woman who have done some amazingly great things. I would say both are Good Peoples.

I disagree that people are just people. People become things. Some become truly great, and some become greatly evil.

 

[romangod]

I used to be a lot more judgemental of people when I was younger and realized that judging is an arrogance which is quite damaging to oneself and others. We all have our crosses to bear in life and as long as we carry them with dignity and courage the world is ours. The shame is not in falling down but the shame is in not getting up again. In life, our humanity and goodness will be challenged. Doing the "good" thing will be rewarded with a joy and happiness. We're all in this thing together.


.

 

[iqqi]

Doing the "good" thing will be rewarded with a joy and happiness.

Exactly. You can't have expectations of others, especially strangers. You can only have expectations for yourself. And if you are a good person, then it will be easier for you to believe that other good people are out there. Once you mind is open to things like this, you will see it more.

 

[romangod]

A couple of thoughts

Exactly. You can't have expectations of others, especially strangers. You can only have expectations for yourself.

That reminds me of a saying, "Expect nothing and you'll never be disappointed."

Once you mind is open to things like this, you will see it more.

Which reminds me of another saying, "You'll see it when you believe it."


.

 

[synergy1]

I am very unassuming regarding peoples state of being. Actions dictate if they are good or bad, and I let events unfold that would lead me to believe which they are.