nonchalant: The Approach Journal

[nonchalant]

Mission
The magic number is 250+ approaches, work on my inner game so that I become a man who is a master of his own destiny.

Introduction
I'm a 34 year old guy from Chicago.

I had a girlfriend for the past 5 years. After that relationship imploded, I found myself back at square one - single again, older, with no game from having been out of the field for so long.

I then decided to really work on getting the dating/relationships part of my life handled once and for all. I am an information junkie, I must have read/listened to close to 30 books/audiobooks on the subject of Don Juanism and pickup. also, countless websites and forums.

Now I'm trying to apply that knowledge - I've been making a lot of progress. I've been approaching a lot lately, and I'm starting to go out to clubs and parties more and develop more of a social circle. I still chicken out a lot of the times, especially with HB9+ women and large mixed groups at the clubs. My game is natural and direct, I'm not the most outgoing guy naturally so I have to work a lot on voice projection and body language.

I've been dating a lot - mainly from online and from cold approaches. My game still sucks, I'm making all kinds of mistakes, some very painful. At this point i'm just happy that i'm making some progress, and I have every expectation that if I keep this up sooner or later some good things will come out of it. And some good things have come out of it already - I've met some cool people, had some fun experiences, become a lot more confident and experienced than I ever was in the past, and I've almost completely gotten over my ex - which is huge, as it nearly devastated me when the breakup happened. I damn near lost all faith in relationships and other people in general. Now i just don't care anymore, which is probably a good place to start from.

I'm 5'11", I am fairly cut. I work out a lot. This is a fairly recent development. when I was in graduate school my health went to all hell as I got deeply into studying. My inner game, however, needs work. Thinking back over the past couple months of dating - I realize a lot of the relationships didn't work is because of my chaotic inner life. Aside from my recent breakup, i have a lot of family issues and personal problems I need to work out once and for all - things I kind of put aside while I was so busy with the masters program. Now that i'm finally graduated and have some time, I'm really trying to work on this - I'm in therapy now, I'm exploring meditation and NLP, reading a lot about psychology and inner game.

Blog
http://positivefun.blogspot.com/
You can read about some of my early dating mishaps here.

Your feedback greatly appreciated!
Let's rock.

0/250 Approaches

 

[nonchalant]

Catching Up With Senor nonchalant

Bootcamp started May1st **in progress**
Let's do this, boys!
Week 1- 20/20 EC, 50/50 Hi's
Week 2- 15/15 Convos with strangers
Week 3- 10/10 HB convos
Week 4- 7/10 # close rejections so far...
Week 4 pt. 2/Week 5

First night of sarging alone, not exactly a FR but interesting (semi long)
My first attempt at flying solo, a milestone as solo sarging will probably play a big part in my game.

FR: Are you read for some comedy?! Bar Hopping / Multiple approaches
Approaches 1-6 are in this thread. Account of a very eventful night on the town with my wings.

6/250 Approaches

 

[nonchalant]

Date: June 11, 2006

Location: Punk Rock Concert, Wicker Park, Chicago

Solo Sarge

Background
After doing some brainstorming about possible venues for solo sarging, I came to the conclusion that a good option for me would be local rock shows, preferably sparsely attended local rock shows where it's easier to mingle with the crowd. I've been a musician and a big fan of underground music my entire life, and I love going to concerts anyways. These are great because it's one of the few places I can think of where it's not unusual to be flying solo - you're just another music hipster nerd in thrift store clothing, there are always a few of these in the crowd - I always sort of felt like I was out alone at local rock shows anyways even when I'd go with other people.

Tonight I decide to take my solo sarging to another level and actually do some serious approaching. I decide to attend a punk rock concert in Wicker Park. Show starts at 9, there are 3 bands on the bill.

Now that I'm home I'm really glad I did this - my idea was right on the money. Great venue for practicing approaches. There are, however, certain limitations to this type of scene, as there are with any scene: namely, people usually go to these things in groups, you get tired from standing up for hours on end, often times the music is too loud to actually hear what people are saying, the crowd can sometimes be on the younger side although that was not a problem tonight, greater risk that whoever you are hitting on is a lesbo and that guy who is giving you EC is gay, on the whole less attractive but infinitely cooler people imho than the sports bar meatheads I ran into during my last field report.

For reference: headlining band tonight was a Japanese punk metal band. First opener was a pretty good grunge rock type act, second opener was a goofy punk band that I couldn't stand to sit through.

Approach 1 - Attempting to mingle a little before the first act
There is an HB6/7 Japanese punk rock girl at the merchandise counter, selling vinyl albums, buttons, and t shirts. I hear her talk with a very distinct Japanese accent. I approach.

me: Are you in the band?
HB Japanese punk rock girl: No, I just <indecipherable due to her thick accent and her poor command of the English language>
me: Ohh you run the merchandise for them.
(she nods)
me: Where are you from?
HBJPRG: Tokyo.
me: How long have you been here?
HBJPRG: An hour.
me: I meant in the states.
HBJPRG: (takes a long time to answer due to the language barrier) A week.
me: Where have you gone?
HBJPRG: LA...
me: Have you gone to New York?
HBJPRG: Yes. (she hands me a band sticker and a flyer that says '2006 Tour', and points out that they played last week in NYC)
me: Where else are you going?
HBJPRG: Indianapolis
me: (nods sympathetically at 'Indianapolis')
HBJPRG: Texas
me: Dallas is cool.
HBJPRG: We're going back to New York?
me: Where did you play there?
HBJPRG: Maxwell's.
me: I used to see a lot of shows at Maxwells when I lived in NYC.
HBJPRG: Then when we come back to New York we are playing CBGB's.
me: I used to live by there on the Lower East Side. I love Japanese music!
HBJPRG: (nods, smiles)
me: Do you like Acid Mother's Temple.
HBJPRG: (nods, smiles)
me: I saw them a couple of times. Kawabata is brilliant. They played here with Kinski.
HBJPRG: Ah.

It was then that some white guy comes up to her, seemed like a close friend, and starts talking Japanese. Then a Japanese guy with a mohawk comes up to her and kind of eyes me warily. I realize that I was just hitting on the girlfriend of one of the band members. I detach.

Key Factors: The language barrier plus the boyfriend were a big obstacle. I'm really glad I didn't try for the number close, since then I'd definitely be hitting on her and I really like her boyfriend's band. Plus later on I stand next to her and hang out when I start to feel like too much of a loner.

Work on: Possibly work on being able to better judge if someone has a bf. Who knows.

Approach 2 - In between sets of the first and second band
I am standing against the wall by the stage, basically giving off the 'sex vibe'.

I look over and there's an HB9 blonde indie rock chick standing next to me. The interaction that follows is interspersed with a lot of EC, hair twirling, kino and heavy vibing. My favorite set of the night, too bad it bombed.

me: That was pretty good. Are xxxxxxx on next?
HBBIRC: No they don't go on until 11:15.
me: They're pretty great aren't they?
HBBIRC: Yeah.
me: I'm nonchalant. What's your name.
(shakes hands)
HBBIRC: I'm HB blonde indie rock chick.
me: What other albums of theirs are good?
HBBIRC: I don't really know, I don't listen to a lot of their stuff.
me: I love Japanese music! Do you like Acid Mother's Temple?
HBBIRC: I haven't heard of them. What's a good album?
me: They have like 50 albums, Kawabata's a genius. I think he has a solo album out. Do you like Boris?
HBBIRC: I haven't heard them either.
me: Do you like the Melvins? They sound like the Melvins.
HBBIRC: No...
me: This is a great club. I've never been here before.
HBBIRC: It actually used to be a bordello!
me: I can kind of see that.
HBBIRC: I'm actually the promoter!
(I'm thinking 'what? shouldn't you know more about this type of music then?')
me: What are some good shows coming up?
HBBIRC: There's this band called Man Man, best show I've seen in a long time.
me: What are they like.
HBBIRC: Like Captain Beefheart, Frank Zappa.
me: So weird jazz.
HBBIRC: Yeah. They're playing Pitchforkfest.
me: Hey I'm going to that.
HBBIRC: Cool.
me: They have hip hop downstairs. Do you book that too?
HBBIRC: No. We have Aceyalone coming.
me: I like some hip hop like that def jux stuff, but I typically like rock music.
(FOCK. She ejects!@)
HBBIRC: Well it was nice talking to you. (walks off)
me: Nice talking to you.

Definitely a quality woman, hot and cool as hell. It was a long set - like 10-15 minutes of talking. Maybe this was already too long of a set, or she had to do some promoter stuff before the show. I think if I go back the door is open to talking to her again.

Key Factors:
Convo flowed because I knew my sh*t about music. Made a mental note to myself to learn more about the Cubs when I went out last Friday to the sports bars with my wings. Context is everything.
Good EC, good kino, good attraction level (from what I could tell imo). If I was better I could have definitely gamed this one, as I was getting a heavy attraction vibe. Ah well 'just another brick in my palace'.

Work on:
Nervous. FOCKING. Body language! Plus it was hot and I was sweating, probably made me seem even more nervous. This only got worse as the convo continued and probably negated the attraction vibe.
More EC, more kino. No rapport/comfort building on top of the attraction. No C+F, no negs.

Approach 3 - In the middle of the second band's set
The second band plays a quirky brand of loud abrasive punk rock with a minimal level of proficiency. They have an annoying 40 something year old singer who is prone to convulsing onstage almost like a simulated epileptic fit. I notice that an HB7 blonde tattooed punk chick has been standing at my side the entire set. I engage.

me: These guys are crazy!
HBBTPC: Heh yeah.
me: I liked the first act better, what do you think?
HBBTPC: I can't hear you! (points to her ear, indicating the music is too loud for her to hear my question)
me: (I repeat my question)
HBBTPC: I can't hear you over the music!
me: Ah well. (I throw up my hands)
HBBTPC: (laughs, pats me on the shoulder - was that kino?)

My question hangs in the air, making it a little uncomfortable for me to continue standing next to her, so I detach. I go stand next to the HBJPRC at the merchandise booth.

Work on:
In between sets is when to make your move at these types of things.

All in all, I had a lot of fun on this solo sarge. I really would have liked to have attempted a # close on one of them, but honestly the opportunity didn't really present itself.

Another brick in my palace!

9/250 Approaches

 

[nonchalant]

oh yeah i forgot to mention that some drunk fat chick grabbed my crotch last night

 

[Blackdragon5095]

Good luck man. I will be reading this.

 

[nonchalant]

Date: June 13, 2006

Location: Lake Shore Drive, Chicago, IL

Solo Sarge

This is totally weak. I basically only did this one because I'm in the middle of a boot camp right now and I need to rack up the numbers, also the girl was hot.

Another one of my ridiculous car hook up attempts.

I'm on my way home from work, I get stuck in traffic on Lake Shore Drive. I look over and there's this totally hot HB9 brunette short hair chick in a black sports car, blasting the hip hop.

(I roll my window down)
me: Excuse me!
HB9: Yeah? (rolls her window down a little)
me: Do you know how to get to O'Hare Airport?
HB9: You need to take 90/94.
me: Which way do you go?
HB9: You take 90/94 west, there should be signs...
(I notice she has Florida plates)
me: Are you from Florida?
(traffic starts to move)
HB9: Yes.
me: Can I get your number?
HB9: No.
(she drives off)

Um, another brick in my place I guess.

Work on:
I'll never get laid this way. I may also be the first guy to make it through week 4 of the SS boot camp without developing any rapport building skills. This is the last of the car hook up attempts for now.

10/250

 

[nonchalant]

Date: June 14, 2006

Location: Work Cafeteria, Chicago, IL

Solo Sarge


If a girl approaches me, I'm going to count it as an approach. This is what other people seem to be doing in their approach journals on here.

This was a golden opportunity, but of course I'm a wuss and I didn't capitalize on it.

(In line for the cash register. I have my food in my hand. There is an HB7(?) semi cute brunette standing next to me, although I did not notice until she spoke to me.)
HB7: Those fries are so good.
me: (surprised) Really? I never eat here.
HB7: Yeah, I love them.
me: I'm getting the spiciy fries.
HB7: Those are awesome. I'm tempted.
me: Do you usually get the spicy fries?
HB7: Yeah...
me: (trying to think of something to say) What are you getting? (looking at her sandwich)
HB7: Chicken salad.
me: (stands there, trying to think of something to say, can come up with nothing, gives up) Well thank you (THANK YOU FOR WHAT??)
HB7: bye.

I bail.

Work on:
being smoother. I could have played that if I wasn't a jacka**. Of course I didn't hang around to talk to her more, but took my food to my office as usual. This just caught me completely off guard. The first thing I thought of was how to go for the number close since I'm in this boot camp right now and I'm obsessed with finishing the number close/rejection week - I psyched myself out, I should have concentrated on thinking of the next thing to say, but then the moment passed.

Of course we work in the same building and there's a good chance I run into her again.

11/250

 

[resilient]

Great work nonchalant. I bookmarked the thread and will be checking it out. Stay with it and go out consistently it's how you'll get good fast with almost everything in life - repitition. I know I grew out of an introvertive personality fast after the DJ bootcamp this year.

TIP: If it's too much effort to keep your DJ thread & blog updated online then write up your approaches in a Word document first then transfer over.

 

[nonchalant]

Date: June 14, 2006

Location: Gold Coast bar, Chicago, IL

Players: Me + 3 'wings'

I'm at the first meeting of a potential 'PUA group', with 3 guys I met through the internet. One of them went to a Mystery Method seminar in Toronto. We're sitting around talking about technique and I'm telling them about my lack of technique. Attempted waitress pickup, another one of my totally retarded, no technique approaches. I have no skill, right now I'm just trying to build up my balls so I'm going to count this I guess.

me: ... my approaches totally lack finesse, a lot of the times it's just like 'hey how's it going? Can I have your number?'
Wing1: Yeah that's bad.
Wing2: You don't distinguish yourself with that type of opener, everybody says 'how are you doing?'
Wing3: Everybody says 'how are you doing?'. The last 50 guys that came up to her said 'how's it going?'
(waitress comes up, HB8 brunette)
waitress: You guys ok? (pours water)
Wing1: We're fine, we'll be talking here for a while...
Wing2: (to waitress) How's it going?
Me: (to waitress) Can I get your number?
(waitress gives me weird look like I'm some kind of freak)
(wings look visibly embarassed)
me: eh, I'm just kidding (smiles)
Wing1: But not really.

Work on:
I have to learn rapport. This has been the common thread so far. I will do some more reading on this. I think I need 3 really good openers that I can just use and practice.

12/250

 

[nonchalant]

Date: June 15, 2006

Location: Elevator, my apartment building, Chicago, IL

Solo Sarge

I wake up on time for work for a change. I get in the elevator and there's an HB8 asian sporting the secretarial look, giving me major EC and a smile. There's another dude in the elevator. She says 'hi' - very enthusiastically - first. It is 8 in the morning, I'm not awake, but my instincts kick in and I try to game her in the short trip downstairs.

HB8asian: Hi. (EC, vibing)
me: Hiii. How are you?
HB8A: Ok you?
me: Ok.
(thinking of something to say...)

Background:
This is what messes me up.
There is *another* HB8 asian in my building that I flirt with sometimes, these two look very similar to me. This other HB8 asian has a cool bulldog that she is always walking.
I am thinking I am in the elevator with the other HB8 asian, but this is someone else entirely that I have never met before, which makes the IOI's and EC even more encouraging.

me: Are you that person with the dog?
HB8: Huh, no.
(I realize I just screwed up, now she thinks I am either a. confused, b. into this other girl, or c. hitting on every HB8 asian in the building, which of course I am)
me: oh um. Yeah there's this other girl with a dog. (stupid thing to say)
(uncomfortable silence)

(thinking of something to say, look down to see that she is carrying multiple shopping bags)
me: so, um, you've got a lot of bags?
(I know, really dull thing to say. I couldn't think of anything else and her floor on the garage was coming up soon)
HB8: Yeah (smiling at me, EC still, I probably recovered as best I could from the dog comment)
(we arrive at her floor)
HB8: well, bye.
me: bye.

I ride down with the other guy in the elevator, who is catching glimpses of me out the corner of his eye and chuckling to himself. Whatever - that chick likes me and I will see her again if I can remember to get up at the same time every day for work.

work on:
next time, ask for her name and what floor she lives on. I will work this if I get her in the elevator again.

13/250

 

[nonchalant]

Date: June 15, 2006

Location: Corner of Belmont and Halsted, Wrigleyville, Chicago, IL

Solo Sarge

Babes on bikes! Mental note that Wrigleyville in the early evenings in the summer is a goldmine.

I'm proud of this one because I could have easily just let it go, it just seems totally random to hit on someone on the street like this. And I decided to stretch it out a little and try to build rapport.

I'm on the corner of Belmont and Halsted in Chicago, just got out of my car and I'm walking to dinner at this Italian place. I'm waiting for the light to change and I look over - there's this HB8 brunette with an awesome, um, figure, on the street next to me on a bike. I make my move.

me: Excuse me - do you know where Belmont is?
HB8: We're on Belmont.
me: (I look up at the street sign) Well I'll be.
HB8: Where are you trying to get to?
me: The Vic Theater - have you heard of it?
HB8: Yeah the Vic is about 5-6 blocks up on the left.
me: Do you know where Clark is?
HB8: That's the next light up.
me: Hey that's a cool bike, looks vintage.
HB8: (laughs) It's just old!
me: Where did you get it?
HB8: I had it for a while.
(the light changes, cars honk)
HB8: Bye.
(she pedals out of my life)

Work on:
I need an *opener* - ideally 2-3 really good openers, one that works really well for approaching girls on the street especially. Probably one that works for the gym, one for the bar, maybe a couple for the bar or a party situation. I have to do some research on good openers, but of course I'm lazy and I think that I can just wing everything. Well, I've proven that I make an ass out of myself when I try to wing it - so I need to get on this, and practice these openers.

Another brick in my proverbial palace.

14/250

 

[Boschy]

Jaysus...there is so much literature about technique around, on the Internet and off it. Dude, read some theory. The hard work's already been done by many others. Don't reinvent the wheel.

 

[nonchalant]

i've read a ton, believe me. i get so caught up in the moment that i forget everything i've read. what i'm going to do is just pick one opener/routine and just use it until i get good at it - then add another one to my arsenal, then so on.

i was just trying to build up my balls, i mean i'm a guy who has never approached before practically. but i think i'm over that now. you're right. it's time to get serious.

 

[Boschy]

Hey I'm learning too....the way I'm tacking this stuff is with some structure, i.e. keeping a very simple structure memorised in my head so I follow it automatically. Then I can concentrate on the content of what I'm saying, rather than trying to self-coach myself mid-conversation. Later alone or with my wingman, I do a post-mortem on what went right and what went wrong. Each time I recognise a mistake, I know I've just learned something, which is ace.

Men are experts at this logical rule-based stuff. Think of it as programming a computer. You cut some code, test it, find bugs, fix, rerun, find more bugs, fix. Etc...

Being 36 I sometimes forget I was a nervous drongo when I was younger. We all have to start somewhere. Just formulate a structure/methodology for yourself so that you can measure your performance against it. And like others have said, have fun with it. I'm boozing less and yet having way more fun going out nowadays. Who'd have thunk it.

 

[nonchalant]

Date: June 16, 2006

Location: Coffee Shop, Lakeview, Chicago, IL

Solo Sarge


I didn't go out last night to sarge like I had planned. Something happened with my car that will be very expensive to fix that just put me in a sh*tty ass mood. I just was not in the mood to sarge. I'm supposed to go out tonight with one of my friends, I'm going to make up for it.

I did manage to get in one approach before the car incident, I was at a coffee shop near my house after work. The barista is an HB8.5 blonde hipster chick. She has a white iBook laptop on the counter that she is surfing the internet on, the place is empty.

me: I'll have a large coffee.
HB8: (gets up) You want that for here or in a to go glass?
me: Here but in a to go glass.
(noticing her hotness, look down at the iBook and decide to use it)
me: (smiling, pointing to the iBook) Macbook?
HB8: (turns around) >?
me: Macbook?
HB8: oh yeah. (smiles)
me: How do you like those? Macs are awesome.
HB8: They're great, I love them.
me: How do you like the built in iSight on those? That's such a great feature.
HB8: The iSight?
me: you know, the built in video camera?
HB8: ooh, this doesn't come with one of those.
(she obviously doesn't know sh*t about computers, in fact this probably wasn't even a mac book)
me: Yeh I think they do, or at least the titanium ones do.
HB8: Cool.
me: I made a mistake a bought mine 3 months before the Core Duos came out.
HB8: haha.
me: well work bought it, I would have waited if I could.
(hands me my coffee, I pay, Stones song is on the stereo)
me: I like this song. Exile on Main St. is great.
HB8: (confused look, she obviously did not pick the song or know much about music)
me: So what's your name?
HB8: HB8 blonde hipster.
me: hi.
HB8: here you go.
me: well, thanks.
HB8: bye.

I detach and hang out at the back of the cafe. My plan was to come up and order another coffee later, but her co worker came back and they started bantering, then more customers came, there always seemed to be too many customers at the counter, so I left after a while.

This is my regular hang out place, I wasn't going to try to # close her or insta date her while she was at work.
I'll be a little more hard core at the club tonight.


15/250

 

[nonchalant]

My toughest night yet - lots of lessons learned about the bar scene

I had an off night, some approaches - not nearly as many as I should have. No luck at all. By the end of the night I was down on myself and feeling miserable. Absolutely not in the right state to approach, I just couldn't really get it together.

What I wrote to Thomas 94305 re: the bar game

Last night I realized the same thing - how the bar game is a whole other animal than the day game. You have to be much more 'on', a lot more upbeat and agressive. *your energy has to be higher than their energy* - or else they won't talk to you because you will just bring them *down*. There are a ton of people there, it's loud, everyone's been drinking. There are a lot of other dudes there also, and you will have to be social with them too. It is just a lot more intimidating then when I stop a girl on the street at 4 in the afternoon with noone else around and ask her for directions.

The payoff, though, is that there are a lot more HB's out too - and they are dressed to kill, and are generally in the mindframe to f*ck. It is a gold mine if you are ready to face it. I went into it thinking that I would do a canned 'routine' - namely, the 'cold girlfriend' routine from Mystery's site. It went really well actually. A lot of those canned routines from the pua materials seem like they'd come off really artificial, you just have to deliver them the right way, which takes practice. You have to be comfortable in a bar setting and with interacting with strange people. I had a hard time with this last night

...Another thing I realized last night - after the approach, even if it goes well, then what? you need a follow up, you need several follow ups actually. It's better if these things come in the course of natural conversation - but some canned follow ups help. I lost out on one approach that was going well last night because I had no follow up and the situation got uncomfortable. I guess this is called 'stacking'.

So I used to think that those canned routines were not for me - that I don't do 'cold reading' or 'opinion openers' - that they were too contrived and gimmicky, like card reading - but they serve a purpose. Unless you instantly click with a girl and have a ton of sh*t to say with her for some reason you better have the first fifteen minutes of conversation ready to go in your head, you don't have to have them memorized - but you should have various bits of conversation ready to go, preferably well rehearsed so they seem natural sounding.

Several factors contributed to my sh*tty inner game last night:

-this thing with my car that happened yesterday, I kept thinking about all the money it was going to cost to fix, it was seriously bringing me down.

-Father's day tomorrow. I kept thinking about getting together with my family, I don't know why this brought me down so much but it did. Family issues that I won't go into here are a large part of why I'm in therapy now. Therapy's helped fix some of my family problems, but I still have a lot or work to do in this regard, my inner game won't be completely together until I deal with this area of my life.

Wingman background:
I went out tonight with my wingman - a semi-PUA I met at this 'PUA group' I met off the internet last week. A nice guy, he knows his material inside and out, he's done a lot of approaches and the dude has balls of steel. Not very smooth, lacks 'finesse', but this guy can walk up and talk to anybody. I saw him get dissed to his face (he kept trying to run the 'core values' test on a 4 set and they just refused to play along, called him 'creepy'. he just turned to them and said 'well I've talked to other people tonight and they were a lot more fun. have a good night'. Balls, baby.) I saw this guy walk into the bar and bust out 4 approaches in less than an hour on large mixed sets. Balls. He's a nice guy - he kept 'feeding' me material and trying to 'coach me' on stuff to say, especially later when I just lost it entirely and my energy level was down the sh*tter. A nice guy, really helpful, I learned a lot from him just talking to him and observing how he interacted with people. But I have to admit the constant coaching and feeding me routines and openers' got maybe a little annoying. I just didn't feel like I was ready to run the 'cube' on mixed multiple sets yet, as I still feel like I'm working on building up my balls to approach. There were also a couple of times tonight when I felt he was not that great of a wing, althought he's a great PUA - and messed up my game. I didn't mention any of this to him, as I felt it was the opportunity to watch someone who was actually good in action was worth more than getting a chick's number.

A learning experience I guess... I have to really work on my bar approaches. I haven't had any luck in bars yet, there are so many HB's in those places it just blew my mind - I feel like I owe it to myself to keep working on this area of my game. So far street approaches are coming along nicely for me, though - it's just something about all the other dudes and the loud atmosphere that kind of throws me off. I think with practice I'll probably relax a little more.

Date: June 17, 2005

Location: Coffee Shop, Chicago, IL

Players: me + wing

Me and wing are sitting in the coffee shop looking at seduction literature on my laptop when 2 HB's walk in. HB7 brunette in black dress and HB8 short blonde hair and cat eye glasses. They sit down next to us and start surfing the internet on the public computer at the coffee shop. They appear to be googling for bars and clubs.

I notice EC from the HB brunette, she sits down across from us on the couches at the front of the coffee shop. I bust out 'Hi'. I go to the bathroom, when I come back he is engaging the 2 set, we find out that they are from Seattle, that they are actresses, I ask them about why they're in town (acting class at the Art Institute), how they like Chicago, which bars they went to so far, what they're doing that evening. I ask where they're staying. The HB8 lets it slip that they are staying with her boyfriend. Great. Then a mixed group comes in and meets the 2 - looks like the boyfriend and a group of his friends. We say nice to meet you and exit. We should have stayed in the set, I could tell from EC and body language the HB7 thought I was cute.

Positives:
EC from the HB7, engaging convo with her. I'm getting better at noticing EC and IOI's from girls. I actually got quite a lot of that last night, we realistically could have persisted with this set because there was still one single girl, but we left, probably because we were already planning to bail for the bars.
I am getting good at saying 'hi' to cute girls without hesitation.

Work on:
No DHV, no C+F, no negs, we did not persist.

Date: June 17, 2006

Location: Wicker Park, Chicago, IL - strip of bars around Milwaukee and North, place is jam packed with bars and clubs

Players: me + wing

Another retarded street approach, this got a chuckle and a smile at least last week so I thought I'd try it tonight just to get my energy level up. It bombed.

We are walking on the sidewalk, 2 HB8 blondes are walking in the opposite direction. I try to make EC, they weren't returning the favor.

me: You guys know where the bars are at? (we are surrounded by bars)
HB8's: There are bars everywhere on the street. (impatiently, they keep walking...)

Positives: no positives.

Negatives: stop being retarded. This line does not work when you are moving in opposite directions, worked better when you are in a goofy mood and stationary, as they walk by.

17/250

continued...

 

[nonchalant]

I bomb at this one bar, my confidence goes down the toilet
We get to our destination bar. The place is jam packed, tons of dudes - about 60/40. Some smoking hot babes, though - I absolutely love Wicker Park girls. My wing automatically starts into a set - he gets in 4 sets within an hour, some of them large mixed groups. He gets shot down hard by that mixed set that called him 'creepy' when he tried to run the 'core values' test on them, but he disses them and goes on to open even more sets. One girl is being really friendly to him, clinking glasses and such, but he detaches for some reason. Another girl is giving him lots of convo - but she turns out to have a boyfriend - we wind up sitting with the boyfriend and his friend, making convo with them.

I'm frozen, I can't approach. I try to dance with this HB7 black chick, but I must have appeared too sullen or nervous, she wasn't having it. There was one redhead HB that was giving me major EC, but I lose my nerve and don't approach, and another brunette HB at the bar that was giving me major EC, but again I freeze. I did not obey the 3 second rule. I forgot: if you are not having a good time then you are putting way too much thought into the outcome of an approach and not in the MOMENT. I have been thinking about why I froze:

-the first time out on the bar scene really. The last time I went to the bars I did not go there for the purpose of approaching, just to observe as I did in my AFC days. Tonight I went there to approach, but when it came time to approach, I got intimidated by all the dudes and the crowd and the volume level. I'm hoping this bar intimidation factor will eventually go away with more experience.

-some drunk ******* trying to **** with me and my friend.

-I think I felt insecure/intimidated that my wing could open up so many sets - and *real* sets where he is actually face to face for 10 mins+, not my usual 'hi how you doing, great place, whatcha drinking, what's your name, can I have your number?' bullsh*t. He was actually doing a good job of building rapport, and applying theory. It was like I was transported back to my days in school as a socially awkward adolescent. I was not in the moment, I overthought everything, put too much pressure on myself and let that drag my mood down, did not try to elevate my energy level, after a while I just didn't even try. I felt insecure around someone who was obviously more of a PUA than I was. I also felt like I was letting him down by being a sh*tty wing. My mind was a mess, and I couldn't recover. After a couple of hours of this, my confidence is in the toilet, my wing has not closed anything, and we decide to leave.


Date: June 17, 2006

Location: Second bar, Wicker Park, Chicago, IL

Players: me + wing

We move to bar number 2, it is much later - the place closes in an hour or so. The place is less crowded, which is good. We're situated on a bunch of sofas, our feet propped up on ottomans. A mixed set of 2 HB8's - brunette with big butt and blonde with tattoo - and 3 dudes sits down at the couches close to us.

This set is problematic to me. I woke up today still thinking about it. I feel like this had potential to be a good set but it wound up being a disaster. I feel like my wing, in his semi drunken state, ruined a potentially good set for me and violated some basic rules of wingmanship:

-your wing is the coolest most interesting guy in the room

-social proof your wing

-do not break in when he is in rapport phase

-he had been 'coaching' me, giving me tips all night - but he *kept* coaching me, and very loudly, *while I was in the middle of the set* which made me even more nervous and ruined the set for me in the end.

This was a long set, and frankly, I don't want to go into detailing the entire conversation. The summary is:

The blonde HB8 sits down, she looks over at me and I can tell that I am getting some good EC from her. She says something about the ottoman where I am resting my feet. She opened me up.

I make convo, I ask her her name, where she's from, if she had a good time that night, what bars she went to, when the bars close, if she knows one that's open late, I ask her how her group knows each other (friends from HS with the guys, friends from college with the girl and the other guy), where she's from yadda yadda. My friend says (very loudly) 'she can't hear you, go sit next to her', which I do, but that was bad to be coached like that very loudly.

I move in closer to her and break into my 'cold girlfriend' routine:

'Hey I need your opinion - my buddy just texted me (shows her text message 'she's still not answering') - he told his gf last night that he loved her, now she's won't speak to him. He's called her 20 times already but she won't answer her phone - what is going on? etc.'

This gets a very good response, lots of convo at this point about relationships. This opener is golden, I'm going to keep using it. There's a lull in the convo, my wing leans in and says - again very loudly - to give her the 'cube'. People hear this, it makes me look bad to be so obviously 'coached'. He *cuts into my set* and starts giving her the cube!

I go to the bathroom. When I get back he is sitting where I was, giving her the 'cube'! I'm looking like a shmuck at this point, and sitting there totally cut off, twiddling my thumbs. I don't know why he did this, he must have been semi drunk, only thinking about approaching as many people as much as possible. All I know is - if my wing was in the middle of rapport, then ejects - I wouldn't sit in his place and bust into the 'cube'. He just c*ck blocked me, I don't think he even realized it.

Well, the girl is bored with the cube and cuts him off. She starts talking to the other people in her group. My friend is left sitting there. Then this peacocking guy in a red shirt who obviously knows her from before approaches the group and she is all over him - must have had something going with this guy from before. At this point, me and my wing are both cut off from her. We get up and leave.

Again, I'm still conflicted by this set - but I didn't say anything to him about it. He already admitted he doesn't know the 'basic rules of wingmanship' as I asked him earlier if he's read about it. He also wasn't using common sense.

A learning experience night. I'm not angry with him for cutting in because, frankly, I had run out of stuff to say - mental note to build up some material for the next time I have to 'stack routines'.

Positives:
This chick opened me up, she liked me, I could just tell. I got some kino and some really good EC from her. I don't know why my wing thought he should move in, other than I was struggling with the conversation, but at that point he should have social proofed me and not cut into my set.

Negatives:
Chalk this one up to experience. I don't think either of us was going to hook with this chick after the peacock guy appeared out of nowhere.

Mixed feelings about going out with this wing. It was an opportunity to watch someone better than me in action I guess - which was a semi intimidating experience. But that's how you learn - by breaking out of your comfort zone. And now I'm more determined now than ever to master the bar game.

18/250

 

[wayword]

Great work so far, I think your initial approaches were just low-key to get past approach anxiety. But they were far too safe. And safe = boring and insecure. Lousy openers = lousy response. Save the vibing for later after attraction & comfort has been developed..

But, with a more intriguing opener...wala - the girls actually opened up! Imagine that!

Unfortunately, you then quickly got AMOG'd by your wing - who appears to be somewhat of a routine-driven social robot. Nanu-nanu.

That's the problem with wings...there's all sorts of protocol that needs to be learned there as well. And I really don't think they should invite themselves in and steal your set. Only if it maybe looks like you need help.

Anyways, good progress overall! I'm sorta at a simlar stage as you - working on cold openers but not much past that..

 

[nonchalant]

Great work so far, I think your initial approaches were just low-key to get past approach anxiety. But they were far too safe. And safe = boring and insecure. Lousy openers = lousy response. Save the vibing for later after attraction & comfort has been developed..

But, with a more intriguing opener...wala - the girls actually opened up! Imagine that!

Unfortunately, you then quickly got AMOG'd by your wing - who appears to be somewhat of a routine-driven social robot. Nanu-nanu.

That's the problem with wings...there's all sorts of protocol that needs to be learned there as well. And I really don't think they should invite themselves in and steal your set. Only if it maybe looks like you need help.

Anyways, good progress overall! I'm sorta at a simlar stage as you - working on cold openers but not much past that..

I'm just wondering how long it's going to take to get to the stage where I can open up multiple mixed sets in a crowded bar without hesitation, even with the EC I felt like I was getting last night, I feel like I have a lot of work to do before I'm there. On the plus side, I'm worlds away from May 1st when I first started boot camp - I couldn't even look people in the eye then. Now I'm getting numbers from girls in bars with a little bit of effort. It's also been been a lot of fun so far.

My wing had to repeat swingcat's affirmations to himself every night: women like sex and they want it from me, etc. in order to feel attractive to women. I don't need to do that since I already feel like I'm more attractive than the average guy, I can just tell from the way women react to me and from EC I get, that's really encouraging. I tend to lose that feeling of sexual confidence quickly however when I'm in the middle of an approach and struggling for things to say. This is all inner game related.

One theory I had, I'm not sure how many here would agree with me but - I feel like if you *only* work on one thing it should be inner game. Don't worry about routines or openers, cold reading, theory, etc. just *make yourself into a man who is on his path in life and has high self esteem* and you don't need any of that stuff. They will come to you. I have made a promise to myself to stop wasting time from now on, to stop being lazy, and to always be doing something that will help move me forward towards my goals. That way, even when I'm not out in the field I'm still improving my overall game.

That wing last night - he's a nice guy and all and I know he means well, I just don't know if I should be sarging with him at least in the near future. I'm not up to his level of agressiveness right now, it makes me feel insecure that I can't keep up, and screws up my game, which is then compounded by the fact that this guy lacks common sense and tends to hijack my approaches.

I know that while he has the gift of being very ballsy and willing to put himself out there, I am blessed with my own gifts, which are much more subtle but I think in the end are much more valuable - looks (he did not have anyone approach him last night, I did), genuineness of delivery, intelligence, a better job/own my own home/education/economic standpoint than most people would necessarily assume from just looking at me: since I look a lot younger than I am, people are always surprised when they find out that I have achieved everything I have in life.

I am constantly being underestimated because of my looks, it's always cool when I surprise the hell out of people when they really get to know me.

I want to go out today to make up for my lousy performance last night. I know I will be constantly obsessing over this bar game thing until I master it.

 

[Blackdragon5095]

My wing had to repeat swingcat's affirmations to himself every night: women like sex and they want it from me, etc. in order to feel attractive to women. I don't need to do that since I already feel like I'm more attractive than the average guy, I can just tell from the way women react to me and from EC I get, that's really encouraging. I tend to lose that feeling of sexual confidence quickly however when I'm in the middle of an approach and struggling for things to say. This is all inner game related.

I disagree with that. You don't need to be super hot to girl. What you need is to cause attarction. Remember women don't go for jerks because they want to, they do it because they can't help it.
" Attarction isn't a choice " Should be your mindset.

Another point
Women are more emotional then we are. Men think and women feel. When you ask a girl if she likes you more then a friend, the girl will say.

You: do you like me more then a friend ?
Girl: No
Girl: I don't feel that way towards you

Keyword here.
Girl: I don't feel that way towards you

Thats why you smile, kino, use humor and rapport to make feel for you.
Girls try to leave jerks, they think " he such an a$$hole " then they find theirself going back to him.
Your mindset isn't ( I'm a hot guy ? ) ( I'm cute towards women ? )
Get your head out the looks section into the What women respond to section.

Ways to look better:
Hair cut
Grooming
Believing you look good
Working out
Dress code

Ketp this journal good and remember what I said.