nonchalant: The Approach Journal

[Vulpine]

nonchalant, I admire your ambition. But, reading through this, I think you have the cart before the horse in some regards.

The stuff you've read about working on inner game is correct. You have to become the prize. That's easy to just say, but how are you going to do it, right? You don't have to actually fully become the prize to reap the benefits. All you need to do is work on your goals/body/to do lists/hobbies and before long, with the right mindset, you'll look around and actually realize: "Duh. I am the sh!t. Why couldn't I see that before?"

Once you are at that point, the lady interaction is far easier. Why? It's easier to assume the sale: since you are the sh!t/the prize, of course they want you to be approaching them! All the pressure's off!

Also, you are pretty technical about routines and all that mumbo-jumbo. All those tips/tricks/techniques are actually screwing you up! When you have all that junk swirling around in your head, you are distracted... you're thoughts are not about what she's saying and doing - you're thoughts are about what you are saying/doing/going to do.
:nono:

Slow it down a hair. Myself, I'm working on minor basics first. Eye contact, kino, escalation, closing... I'm just keeping it simple and getting face time. I'm having FUN doing it-for the most part, or it least that's a goal of mine. (my FR's/journal is in the Mature Man forum)

Try, if at least only for a short while, forgetting the crap you've read and focus on your presence. Relax. Shut up. Listen. Converse. And, above all else, have fun! I think you'll find that you'll have much more success by trying to have fun than trying to "pick up women": 1. Fear of rejection? Reject fun? Your loss baby. 2. Win or lose, you still had FUN! It's easier to keep a positive and motivated frame that way. 3. Who doesn't want to have fun? Fun guys attract women like sh!t attracts flies.

Then, after you are comfortable in approaching, have decent convo skills, recognize the body language stuff, THEN start mixing in tips and tricks (IF you even need to!).

I feel sorry for some of these guys doing journals that really bite off more than they can chew. For some, dating/approaching is like a part-time job that they hate (work) instead of an enjoyable pasttime (hobby). Someone else mentioned that you should work on bits and pieces and work up. That's good advice. Work at your own pace - don't try to be supa-playa overnight.

One last thing for you consider about tips and tricks: If a woman has ever had 'the cube' ran on her, ever, and you come up and use it: blown out. You are fake, you are a player/PUA, you are using gimmicks. Blown out. However, if it turns out they went to the same elementary school as you... IN!

 

[wayword]

One last thing for you consider about tips and tricks: If a woman has ever had 'the cube' ran on her, ever, and you come up and use it: blown out. You are fake, you are a player/PUA, you are using gimmicks. Blown out. However, if it turns out they went to the same elementary school as you... IN!

Ya, that's why I haven't used any canned shyt yet - because I'm worred if some of this stuff might already be played out?

 

[The Phoenix]

Hey brotha,

I am in chicago to, live in Lake View by Lake shore Drv. I am 29, I'll be your wing man some time if you want. (I don't do fat chicks though, but I'll sacrifice on some of my standards )

Just let me know

Cheers,

 

[nonchalant]

Told my friend about the 'boot camp' and alluded to the 'community' during our conversation last night. It's funny how people seem to look upon that type of business as 'shady', as if you are a bad person because you are consciously trying to work on this. This is a huge misconception - we're not out to deceive or take advantage of women, we're only trying to make ourselves better men. I also find it hypocritical since practically *every women's magazine* out there is filled with tips on dating and strategies on how to deal with guys.


-------

My current sticking points, or at least the ones I'm most aware of, are:

1. My day game is coming along ok, but my bar game is a huge sticking point. I revert to wallflower status a lot of the times when I'm at a crowded bar. Something about the loud atmosphere, large mixed sets, c*ck blocking dudes all around, and (much) higher b*tch shields on the hb's, is very intimidating to me. My bar approaches have been short and the convo has been too 'safe', or they have approached me. I've only gotten one number out of 18 approaches so far since I started.

2. My frame during the approach needs work. I'm having a hard time going from the 'friendly guy making pleasant random conversation about the weather, for instance, with people he meets', to 'C+F guy who is the prize who is chatting up some hb that he may decide is worthy of him'. I lack that 'killer instinct', most of my approaches have lacked sexual tension because of this.

 

[MrCode]

Working on your inner game will help a lot. You really need to believe you are the most incredible guy these girls can meet, and you are doing them a favor by talking to them.

Also C&F is very fun and can be learned pretty quickly if you start practicing it a lot. Use it on everyone, not just chics you are gaming. If you can make your interactions more fun instead of so serious (which is what I see in this thread), you will have more fun, the rejections will not hurt at all, and you will have more success.

P.S. I see you used my signature below as a quote on your blog. I'm glad you like it and I hope you take it to heart. It is my own quote and one I think is very true. Seeing IS NOT believing...believing is seeing. What your mind conceives you can achieve.

 

[nonchalant]

Well I just had another flirtatious encounter with the HB8 asian in my building, I probably will not count it as an 'approach' since we already have kind of a flirtation thing going. You know what - I'm not even sure if it was the same HB8 asian - or if it was the original one with the dog? I have to ask for names one of these days.

 

[Skidsta]

Yeh keep going man it's good you are approaching more women, but i agree with MrCode and from some of your interactions it seems a little interview type - i.e. too many questions. Just flirt, joke, have good posture & voice tone and have fun and it'll all come, sometimes you'll kiss a chick and get their number talking about nonsense. And it's good to laugh off really poor attempts you make - i made one the other night and was pissing myself i was so awful, but then picked up later in the night!

 

[wayword]

Well I just had another flirtatious encounter with the HB8 asian in my building, I probably will not count it as an 'approach' since we already have kind of a flirtation thing going. You know what - I'm not even sure if it was the same HB8 asian - or if it was the original one with the dog?

Oh well, who cares? Does it even matter? :crackup:

 

[nonchalant]

Oh well, who cares? Does it even matter? :crackup:

fvck off, cvnt.


out of my thread.

 

[nonchalant]

Well, I seem to have slipped a little in my progress. I have been saying hi, making EC's, and have been making friendly convo with strangers, but I have not made an approach in a week. I don't want to lose this little bit of momentum I have going, so I've been making myself go out despite the fact that I have froze the last two times I've gone out.

I have made some convos with HB's over the past few days but they have been superficial and I don't think I can count them as approaches. I keep thinking back to my last club sarge, which went badly. I have been obsessing about my bar game and I have completely forgotten my day game, which was actually coming along fine. Hence, I've lost some momentum. Today I did not approach when I went out to the gym although there were a couple of opportunities.

There are a couple of things that have been messing with my game:

• Money is on my mind because of this car repair, but that's not a good excuse since I have enough money to go out. When I get paid at the end of the month, my money situation should be back to normal.

• The people that I have been using as wings have been letting me down. I was supposed to go out with one and he cancelled out. The other one would rather sit at home and be lame than sarge with me.

• I have been stressed about work, and I have been doing a lot of personal projects around the house that I told myself I'd get to - these things are taking a lot more of my time than I have planned, but they are also important to me.

• My ex contacted me, it always throws me off when she calls and I have to remind myself that I don't care about her anymore. On Thursday I took all the little gifts and letters she has written me over the years and put them into a box, and put them away - which in itself is a good thing, but in the process I read some of the letters and it brought me down a lot more than I thought it would. These artifacts of our relationship have been put away now, and this will not happen again, though.

On Thursday night, I rewarded myself for doing well on a project at work I had been spending a lot of time on, and solo sarged at the bars. It was actually a good night to solo sarge at the bars as there were a fair amount of people out, but the bars were not so crowded that it was intimidating. I sat down at a bar in Wicker Park, there was a girl sitting about two seats away who I might have approached. She was just sitting down to read a book or something. Then, I'm not sure if this actually happened or not - but I *think* she actually scooted down one seat so that she was farther away from me. I may have imagined that this happened, but it nevertheless threw me. Then a guy sat down between us. I sat there for an hour, watched tv, made idle chit chat with the guy next to me and left. Then I went home.

Last night my wing I was going to go out with decided he'd rather sit home and play video games online. This kind of brought me down, and I started getting down on myself that I don't have a wide enough social circle yet that I'd have someone else to go out with that night. I sat at home - but then something snapped in me and I got dressed. I forced myself to go out because I wasn't getting anything productive done at home, and going out alone beats the hell out of sitting at home and feeling sorry for myself.

I wound up arriving at this bar at midnight. There were approachable women there, but I froze, so I had a drink and tried to calm myself down before doing anything. I struck up a conversation with this guy sitting next to me, just to be social. He actually turned out to be a cool guy, he was there alone too, a guy out having a drink on his own on a Friday night. He seemed to be more comfortable at the bar since he was friends with the dj and the bartender. Anyways, we talked about a lot of stuff - he was an artist, gave me his card and told me he'd send me an invite to this party he was having in a couple of weeks to celebrate his art show. So, that was at least one positive thing that came out of the experience. This guy took off but I stayed an hour more and had another drink. I was going to approach, but chickened out at the last minute and went home. Overall, a failure, although it was a generally pleasant night out. That bar is actually turning out to be a favorite of mine, there's always nice people there to talk to.

This is where I currently stand. No action for the past few days. I have done some good things related to getting my life together and inner game - I've taken care of a lot of personal projects I'd been meaning to get to, and have been working hard on the job. In terms of my sarging, though, I have to get myself together and start approaching again - both in the daytime and the night time, I don't want to slip back to where I was mentally at the start of boot camp.

 

[nonchalant]

Thanks man.


Date: June 24, 2006

Location: Coffee Shop, Lakeview area, Chicago, IL

Solo Sarge

I get my coffee and walk up to the counter where there is milk and sugar and utensils. The milk/sugar/utensils have been moved to a folding table at the side, there is an HB6 blonde art chick redoing the table where the milk/sugar/utensils usually are - she is gluing an artistic pattern in ceramic tiles to the top of the table. I open.

me: That's pretty cool.
HB6: (concentrating, not even looking at me, mumbles) thanks yeh
me: That's going to look pretty nice when it's done, I like the pattern.
HB6: (concentrating, not even looking at me, mumbles) thanks yeh
me: I've been thinking of putting tile like that on my kitchen counter.
HB6: (mumbles something, looks at my briefly)
me: Do you have to strip the table top or something?
HB6: (mumbles something, looks at me briefly)
me: Where do you get those tiles? What type of glue is that (looks at the glue) ohhh ceramic tile adhesive.
HB6: (mumbles something, looks at me briefly)
me: well it looks cool.

She's obviously engrossed in her work and/or not feeling me. Whatever. I got a good look at her face and I didn't really care by that point. I move on.

19/250

 

[The Phoenix]

yo!!
Inspiring, trully, hey man, thanks for stopping by my Journal, hearing good comments is very inspiring specially when you feel a bit down or like things are not moving along as one would hope. Our cases are extremely similar, I am also getting over a relationship of 4 years where I got mind F#cked pretty bad, and i would have my ex contact me now and then when she wanted, just told her again bringing me down as well.

I am following your log closely, you have some good comments here I am pondering on, I find myself in very similar predicaments, don't tell my friends about the website because like you mentioned, they all have preconseived ideas of it being a shady bussiness or something for loosers or posers. I don't really care, I am here for my personal betterment, and quite honestly I plan to make an art out of all this applied knowlege (if I can bring myself to action)

I am still on square 1 trying first to find good places to approach and then learning to approach, I need a few rejections to help me with my character.

Anyway keep it up, and I will be following closely.

Sarging bro.

 

[nonchalant]

Thanks.

Date: June 25, 2006

Location: My condo, Chicago, IL

Solo Sarge

I throw my stuff in the dryer and leave the laundry room. I go to the elevators and there's an HB8 brunette, with a big laundry cart, messing around with the elevator buttons. She looks up at me sheepishly. In our building we have to hold a magnetic card to open the elevator doors on the 3rd floor, where the laundry room is at. When you hold the magnetic card over a sensor the right way, the light turns from red to green and you can hit the elevator buttons, it doesn't work if you don't have a magnetic card.

The light is flashing red, then green, then red again, and back. She keeps holding her card over the strip, then looks up at me and grins sheepishly. I watch her try to do this for a couple minutes.

HB8: hi
me: hi
HB8: Can you try it? I think it's broken.
me: ok (the light is still flashing, I jiggle my card around and it eventually works)
me: yeah, what's up with that.
HB8: I think it might be broken or something.
me: It might be your card! What's wrong with your card? Maybe you should have your card looked at.
HB8: haha
(we get on the elevator)
me: (noticing her huge laundry cart) That's a cool cart, seems very useful.
HB8: yeah. I use it all the time.
me: I need one of those. I just have this huge laundry bag that I use.
HB8: yeah, if you're doing laundry every 3 weeks it's worth the investment.
me: Where do you get one of those?
HB8: Target.
me: I'm going to get one. Do you use it for the grocery store too?
HB8: no.
me: Man these elevators are so slow.
HB8: yeah, we pay a lot for these too.

We arrive at my floor. I tell her 'have a good one', she says 'you too', then I bail. This seems more innocent than it was, I was giving and returning a lot of EC, and she was smiling at me a lot. I could have easily - I should have - said, 'so what floor you live on?', 'how you like living here?', 'I'm nonchalant, what's your name?' - any number of things to keep the banter going, but the elevator arrived before I could think of it.

Key points:
Good EC, body language. Good positive mindframe during this encounter. Only mild flirting, ramp it up.

Work on:
remembering - it's always on. If there is an HB, then you have to launch into C+F immediately.
I'm coming up with a cheat sheet with notes, favorite openers, routines, and negs to always be practicing. Maybe revise it once in a while - otherwise I will always just trying to pull conversation out of my ass.
I have to remember the formula=
select a target
approach/open
DHV
Disarm obstacles
Isolate the target
Create an emotion
Isolate
Kino
Close

20/250

 

[nonchalant]

yo!!
Inspiring, trully, hey man, thanks for stopping by my Journal, hearing good comments is very inspiring specially when you feel a bit down or like things are not moving along as one would hope. Our cases are extremely similar, I am also getting over a relationship of 4 years where I got mind F#cked pretty bad, and i would have my ex contact me now and then when she wanted, just told her again bringing me down as well.

I am following your log closely, you have some good comments here I am pondering on, I find myself in very similar predicaments, don't tell my friends about the website because like you mentioned, they all have preconseived ideas of it being a shady bussiness or something for loosers or posers. I don't really care, I am here for my personal betterment, and quite honestly I plan to make an art out of all this applied knowlege (if I can bring myself to action)

I am still on square 1 trying first to find good places to approach and then learning to approach, I need a few rejections to help me with my character.

Anyway keep it up, and I will be following closely.

Sarging bro.

Nobody will understand, unless they are in your shoes. Women will hurt you, it's unavoidable. Your friends will bring you down, because they want you at their level, hell some of them want you to fail because it makes them feel better about themselves. Nobody cares if you are happy, everyone is too wrapped up in their own lives - you are lucky if you have one person in this world who cares if you are successful. You have to support yourself.

It's really easy to get discouraged. You can waste years of your life wallowing in apathy and self pity. I don't know what else to do but keep trying. Something will stick, I will turn the corner and realize that I've made progress. This thing that I am trying to do - which is, to build a vibrant social life, develop confidence and self esteem, be a better man, eventually find somebody to love. It seems like a really huge task right now. I feel like I started too late, that all the time I spent with my nose in the books has gotten me nowhere. I feel like I'm starting from nothing. I feel like I'm trying to build a fortune by digging for spare change underneath the sofa. But giving up is not an option for me. In the end this will be the the best thing that I ever did.

 

[nonchalant]

Nice approach, NC, and congrats on getting rejected...seriously. If you haven't figured it out yet, rejection is a normal part of this game...eventually, though, you'll embrace rejection. It won't be such a big deal because you're confidentand there's nothing more you can do. After 250 approaches, you likely won't care at all when you're rejected.

The only thing I can recommend to enhance this approach would have been to use C & F:

NC: "So, I see you're part of the hip, table-repairing-Saturday-night club. What exciting lives you and I live!"

Honestly, though, that girl was carrying a huge b1tch shield...it's very likely nothing you said could have drawn her to you.

Hey, if you get 3 number closes for every ten, that's like batting .300, right? And even the big-leaguers struggle to hit from time to time.

Nice job on evaluating your convo and remembering what you could do better next time. You're going to do just fine, bro.

Thanks again. Yeah I am just going to keep plugging away until approaching is no big deal - i'm getting more comfortable at it, at least in my day game. Hopefully then I'll be calm enough to step outside of myself and focus on fine tuning and incorporating all of these wonderful things that I've read about and already know. I did an approach today where I was actually relaxed enough to be able to pay attention to my EC and body language.

 

[nonchalant]

I'm giving myself a deadline of six months to get 250 approaches under my belt. I started this journal 6/18, so by 12/18/2006 I should have 250 approaches done. That's 1-2 approaches a day. Any wussbag can do that. No excuses.

Also, I want you guys to start calling me out to SBAP (that's 'stop being a p*ssy'), and walking away after a perfectly decent set without trying to close anything. I am too f*cking shy. There has to be a time when I just say, ok from now on I'm going to stop being shy. Or else it will never happen. So I'm going to post these next 2 approaches and that's it. SBAP. I'm done 'practicing'.

 

[nonchalant]

Date: June 25, 2006

Location: Gym, Chicago, IL

Solo Sarge

There's this HB8 latina who works at the front desk at the gym that I go to. Totally hot. Usually I walk in, nod my head or maybe say 'hi'. Today, I walk in, walk up to the front desk, rest my arms on the desk, look her in the eye and say 'So how's it going?'. She looks at me, says 'hello', a little business like. Then some other people come in, she turns to them and says hello to them and starts going about her business. Blown out. F*ck it, this was an approach at least.

Work on:
Nervous body language and voice projection, no doubt. Or maybe this girl is just a biatch. Hell maybe she is an insecure person, and I made her uncomfortable by being so direct.

Date: June 25, 2006

Location: Gym, Chicago, IL

Solo Sarge

I walk into the aerobics room, where there a bunch of girls riding exercise bikes or stretching on these mats. I pull up a mat and start doing sit ups. There is an empty mat on the floor next to me. A smoking HB9 brunette who looks just like my ex, except with a totally insane body, sits down on the mat next to me and starts doing these yoga contortions. 3 second rule kicks in and I am off.

me: Is that yoga?
HB9: huh?
me: Are those yoga poses that you're doing?
HB9: Oh yeah.
me: Looks hardcore.
HB9: hehe nah.

... proceeds into a long set - at least for me - must have lasted more than 5 minutes. She sits down next to me and we start talking about a variety of subjects: the benefits of yoga, where she learned how to do yoga, her 'routine', what she thinks of the yoga classes offered at the gym (they are crap, according to her), the different styles of yoga, how she is training for a triathalon (she volunteered this information), the 'spinning' classes that they have at the gym, her training regimen, where she rides, the differences between mountain bikes and road bikes, how chicago sucks for mountain biking, etc. etc.

I left this set energized. Felt good about opening up a gym 9 hottie. My EC and body language is getting better. My voice projection was pretty good here. Was relaxed enough to be conscious of these things. I also knew that my facial expressions need work. I could tell that I probably had a very serious look on my face, but it probably just made me look like a sincere and serious guy who was really into personal fitness. I made her smile and laugh a little. Not a bad set, at least for me. I ended it though, I didn't want to stick around and have her see how (comparatively) out of shape I was compared to her, puffing and sweating bullets on the exercise bikes - while she is a triathalete. I was going to ask her name but I remembered that that is a nice guy thing to ask. A DJ waits til the girl asks for your name. Nice interaction, I actually built some rapport.

Work on:
No C+F, negs, general technique. I didn't try to number close or anything. Still feel good about it as a learning experience.

22/250

 

[nonchalant]

Oh man.

I told myself that I would try to close every set from now on. I can already tell this is going to hurt. 3 sets so far this afternoon.

Walking around Wrigleyville, Chicago - on my way to get lunch...
My goals today are: practice C+F, and always try to close.

Date: June 26, 2006

Location: 7-11, Chicago, IL

Solo Sarge

Yes, I tried to run game on a - probably 18 year old - HB6 redhead chick that works at 7-11. I was there buying a bottle of gatorade. I was pissed at myself for chickening out on the street outside the store with an HB blonde. As I paid for my drink, she smiled at me and I wasn't even considering gaming her, but I figured I'd try to practice smiling and my eye contact. I must have held the smile/EC a long time because she looked down and started giving me DDB eyes.

HB8: what? (giggles)
me: what? (smiling)
HB8: You're smiling at me.
me: You're smiling at me.
HB8: That's $xx. Thanks.
me: How's it going today?
HB8: a'ight.
(I pay - but then I stop, decide to turn this into a set, and turn around)
me: I forgot - I'm lost.
HB8: ooh you forgot. (sarcastic)
me: Are you from around here?
HB8: yeah.
me: I'm trying to get to Armitage?
HB8: I'm not sure

-she takes me over to the 'roadmap' section of the store and we start looking through maps of Chicago together. I get kino and more giggling. I ask her how her day is going, does she like working there, etc. Then more customers come in, and she has to attend to them. Not really into this one anyways and I go to that 7-11 a lot, so I smile again to her and she gives me DDB eyes again and says 'byeee' as I leave.

This went really well, too bad I wasn't really feeling her.

.......The next two did not go so well.......

Date: June 26, 2006

Location: Wrigleyville, Chicago, IL

Solo Sarge

I'm walking down the street and an HB8 brunette in a tan skirt crosses my path, on the way to a cleaners, it looks like.

me: Excuse me! (she turns) I'm lost, are you from around here?
HB8: yeah
me: I'm trying to get to this place called Argo Tea. Have you heard of it?
HB8: No - where is it?
me: I think it's on Armitage.
HB8: That's far.
me: How far?
HB8: Far. You should take the bus there. (my car was parked half a block away)
me: Where's the bus?

-she points me to the nearest bus stop, gives me the schedule of the #36 bus, I thank her, then she turns to go into the cleaners. At this point I remember 'push every approach til close'. So I push it.

(running to catch up with her)
me: Excuse me.
HB8: Yeah?
(I notice she has a - *hot*- accent of some type)
me: Are you French?
HB8: (smiling) no.
(she turns again to go in)
me: Hi.
HB8: (turning around) yeh?
me: That's a really cool bag.
HB8: oh thanks. (weird smile, I think I'm making her uncomfortable now)

I let her go. That's as far as I could take this one, given how I opened.

Work on:
no C+F, plus I was nervous as hell. Good job trying to push it to close though.


Date: June 26, 2006

Location: Chipotle, Wrigleyville, Chicago, IL

Solo Sarge


At chipotle I spot teh hotness. An HB9 latina in a short skirt, and her HB8 - looks like sister - dressed identically. I get my food. I'm filling up my glass with diet coke when the 9 comes up next to me to get some napkins - I say 'hi' to her. She smiles at me and says hi.

This is my first solo two set. On my way to my table, I pass by them and try to run game, it does not go very well.

me: Are you guys from around here? I'm trying to find Argo Tea.
HB8: No I'm sorry, we're just visiting from out of town.
me: Oh.
(I spill my drink on the floor. FOCK. I ignore it and keep spitting game - they are from out of town but I am so nervous I keep pushing the 'I'm lost can you tell me how to get to...?' opener.)
me: Oh really - where are you guys from?

-they are from Puerto Rico. I talk mainly to the 9, but the 8 is the one who answers. Later on I think probably the 8 doesn't speak English very well because she only says 'yes' and 'no'. I ask them if they've heard of Armitage , no? Where are they staying, they say up the street on Clark. I ask them if they like Chicago, where have they gone, how long they're staying? I ask them why they're in town - are they actresses? (cheeze) Eventually I detach, and say 'well, thanks.'

As I eat my food I realize - push every approach til close. I finish my food, then approach their table again on the way out.

me: Hi again.
HB's: hey.
me: I am going across the street to get some coffee, do you guys want to go?
HB8: (mean) no thanks.
me: ok, have a good day.

I run out of there. This one stung.

Work on:
Nervous as f*ck. I spilled my drink during the approach, it was all down hill from there.

25/250

 

[DarkChaos]

Eh, you win some you lose some. Keep it up.

 

[vorbis]

don't be worried about asking their name nochalant. Once you have it, you can use it a few times in the conversation, I've always found it makes you seem less of a stranger.