No real motivation to meet/date girls anymore

[BergischerLöwe]

I never dealt with these kind of women on the apps. I dealt with above average looking gals in the 6-7 looks range who were heavily pursued.

Unfortunately that's just the kind of women I attract on apps where I live, and I'm tired of that. It feels like I'm far less attracted to them than they are to me and then I have no motivation to pursue women because I'm fed up about having to mainly resort to those sorts

 

[BergischerLöwe]

If you read Book of Pook and Bang, you do have interest in vagina.

Mystery and other PUAs did take some really socially awkward guys and turn them into seducers.

I did read those books but that was some years ago. I've heard about mystery but a lot of guys make fun of him and most people say his methods are outdated now. He also strikes me as somewhat of a charlatan. There's just something about the way he presents himself that comes across to me as insincere and vain. Like I said Book of Pook was a very good read and it had influence on my mindset for a long time but I could never apply its methods to real life. I always just ended up swiping on apps after a while because that's far more accessible for someone such as myself. Fate hasn't loaned itself to applying the knowledge discussed in that book

 

[BergischerLöwe]

You don't need chill. You're way too laidback.

To be chill isn't really a bad thing tho

 

[BergischerLöwe]

Now that I think about it the only time I've really talked to European women is a few times on various apps. When I studied in Austria I was talking to this girl on tinder for a bit and she was into some of the same things as me but she didn't want to meet up with me because I was only there for a semester. That was back in early 2019. Then last year I was talking to a German girl on HelloTalk for a few weeks, it's like a language exchange app. We were just talking tho, obviously I never expected anything to come from that, it was mainly to have someone to talk to in German. Since there's not many people in the states who know German I was looking to chat in German online basically. Ironically enough she was from the same part of Germany where I'm originally from. Apart from that I haven't really talked to any women from Europe

 

[SW15]

You don't need chill. You're way too laidback.

These days, too many men are laid back. It seems like every guy is trying to market himself as some chill, laid back dude. Men need more intensity.

 

[BergischerLöwe]

These days, too many men are laid back. It seems like every guy is trying to market himself as some chill, laid back dude. Men need more intensity.

I genuinely am more of a chill type tho, that's how I've been my entire life

 

[SW15]

I genuinely am more of a chill type tho, that's how I've been my entire life

What's going on is NOT working for you. You need to shake things up radically.

 

[BergischerLöwe]

I know.
View attachment 10973

But you need some pepper up yo @ss.

Very nice meower

 

[BergischerLöwe]

What's going on is NOT working for you. You need to shake things up radically.

Well what would you do if you were in a similar situation? Based on what's been written in this thread

 

[SW15]

No creepy mustache, lift weights, no soy/processed foods in diet, no porn/no fap, approach a ton at the bars and in daygame venues.

You read Pook and Bang, you're ready to field test.

 

[BergischerLöwe]

No creepy mustache, lift weights, no soy/processed foods in diet, no porn/no fap, approach a ton at the bars and in daygame venues.

You read Pook and Bang, you're ready to field test.

I don't look as good without the mustache, without one I look too boyish. Idk if I'm ready to field test just yet, still wouldn't be able to bring myself to do it at this current time

 

[SW15]

I don't look as good without the mustache, without one I look too boyish.

The mustache alone look has some negative associations in women's minds.

I have to have either the mustache/beard combo or have no facial hair.

There's also the goatee/circle beard type option with hair on the upper lip and chin. I don't think that's a great look but for some men it can work.

 

[BergischerLöwe]

The mustache alone look has some negative associations in women's minds.

I have to have either the mustache/beard combo or have no facial hair.

There's also the goatee/circle beard type option with hair on the upper lip and chin. I don't think that's a great look but for some men it can work.

I would grow a full beard if I could but I can't grow one. I've had a goatee with a mustache before and I prefer the look of just the mustache. Plenty of guys with mustaches have girlfriends, I don't see why women would perceive it negatively

 

[BergischerLöwe]

lift weights, no soy/processed foods in diet, no porn/no fap

I do the first two already, but in my case the problem with nofap is that it gives me beer goggles

 

[SW15]

the problem with nofap is that it gives me beer goggles

That's good, you should want to have sex with many women. Have sex, use a condom, have fun!

 

[BergischerLöwe]

That's good, you should want to have sex with many women. Have sex, use a condom, have fun!

I've made up my mind that I won't have sex again until after I get a vasectomy. But I don't want to sleep with just anyone. I'm sick of only getting attention from mid women as I've said. I don't want beer goggles bringing my standards down to much. Unless I'm attracted enough to a girl to really want to keep seeing her it's not worth it pursuing women. If I get with a girl I'm not that attracted to but she's really into me then I always feel bad. It's like using somebody for sex

 

[BergischerLöwe]

Just keep on procrastinating.

Honestly tho I don't feel comfortable having any sex unless I'm sterilized. In the past whenever I slept with any woman I would always get very scared that I would accidentally get her pregnant. Even when I had a girlfriend who had a birth control implant I still got nervous about that. At the end of the day no woman is ever worth risking a pregnancy scare over. Additionally there are women out there who lie about being on birth control so if I woman tells me that she is I can never take her word for it. Accidentally getting a girl pregnant is my literal worst nightmare, such a scenario has to be prevented at all costs and I have to take every conceivable measure to stop that from happening. Condoms and birth control are simply not enough to alleviate my fears. Unless I'm sterilized I don't consider sex to be worth the risk

 

[BergischerLöwe]

I snagged a pdf copy of Day Bang and read thru some of it. I like how it gives specific examples of different venues and has ideas about different openers. The latter is good since if I approached a girl I don't have much of an idea about what to say. However there's a few problems. The only approach venue described in the book that I actually frequent is the grocery store, and in my case I don't see approaching women in the store to be something that would work.

Women are much more guarded and reluctant to be approached than they were at the time the book was written. Also I think trying to approach a women at the store would be a bit too conspicuous and other people would notice me trying to do that and I don't want to be seen as the weird long-haired guy that tries to chat up women while grocery shopping. Furthermore even if I were able to manage to talk to a woman in public without making her uncomfortable, the conversation would very likely just fizz out and nothing would come of it. I don;t really see myself being able to approach in public and actually get a number out of it. Furthermore I don't see hot women at the grocery store very often, and if I do they probably are either already spoken for or wouldn't have much in common with me. The chances of me meeting a woman in public who's not only attractive but has things in common with me who's also single and interested are too remote to ever count on.

Since I'm someone who has never gotten with a woman I've initially met irl, meeting a girl irl and getting a number and a date out of it is quite literally an unprecedented scenario for me. If I actually had that experience in the past and that frame of reference was there I would have more faith in the concept of cold approach, but because that's literally never happened I don't. How can I have any faith in cold approach working when I've never experienced anything to suggest I'm even capable of pulling girls I've met irl? In the past I never had any experiences like establishing a rapport with the cute girl from class and then eventually going out with her, or hooking up with a girl from a party; or striking up a conversation with a woman in public, exchanging numbers and have it turn into a date or hookup; or being introduced to a woman by friends or meeting one thru my social circle and having that turn into something more.

None of these fundamental experiences I've just described that most guys have had have ever happened to me. For me to have any faith in cold approach I need to have a taste of success to show me that it's possible. I need to have the experience of initially meeting a woman irl and getting a date from it. I need to have this taste of success if I want to believe that it's possible. But as I've said I'm never anywhere where I could practice these skills. College is over and has been over for several years, my social circle is small and I can never hope to meet dateable women from it, I have nowhere where I can try approaching women without fear of embarrassment or being cancelled. There's no good way forward in that respect. I really wish online dating was better and not the scam that it really is. Guys like me need a legit alternative to irl game and all the dating apps are is a huge racket. It really makes me sad since I really have nowhere to go. It seems like my options are either "spend a very long time swiping fruitlessly on apps and eventually settle for a woman I'm not that attracted to" or "stop using dating apps and make peace with being alone". I don't have the right qualities and lifestyle to be able to meet women irl and apps are the only way I can be visible to women at all.

 

[Manure Spherian]

"spend a very long time swiping fruitlessly on apps and eventually settle for a woman I'm not that attracted to"

You write you’re not attracted to sixes and sevens. If you don’t mind me asking, are you a six or a seven?

Are you watching porn? I believe porn use can desensitize men through repeated exposure to exceptionally attractive women, making it so that the man routinely fantasizes and becomes around such women while losing the ability to be aroused by ordinary or cute women.

I have never had such a problem as my libido and mental makeup had it that I was able to be aroused by ordinary looking women, nor did I ever seek exceptionally pretty women to impress other people. I am of moderate SMV (middle class, 5’10”, modestly attractive, but bodybuilder physique) and I’ve always accepted that.

You of course do run the risk of being life-long lonely if you are have ordinary SMV and cannot form a relationship with an ordinary woman.

I’m just curious. Are dating apps that bad? Two of my cousins, sisters, both married with children, met their husbands on Tinder years ago. Two of my divorced friends have other women (pretty much wives without government papers) they met on Bumble, one of whom has a second child with his woman.

What’s worth noting is that in all examples, such people met their matches. For example, the guy with a second wife and second kid with her, he’s fat and ordinary looking, and his wife is fat and ordinary looking (and they both obviously are aware of who they are). One of the cousins, she’s high earning, very attractive, and highly intelligent, and her husband is the same (she’s a corporate executive, he’s a film director).

I think men who can’t accept their matches are headed to loneliness. Unlike some others, I don’t think a man can game his way to the SMV ladder. High SMV women (I don’t just mean their looks) aren’t stupid; if anything, they’re very in touch with who they can attract. If I recall correctly, @BeExcellent covered this and I appreciated her thoughts on the matter. (BeExcellent, you obviously don’t have to comment but I think you have a realistic take on matters.)

 

[BeExcellent]

You write you’re not attracted to sixes and sevens. If you don’t mind me asking, are you a six or a seven?

Are you watching porn? I believe porn use can desensitize men through repeated exposure to exceptionally attractive women, making it so that the man routinely fantasizes and becomes around such women while losing the ability to be aroused by ordinary or cute women.

I have never had such a problem as my libido and mental makeup had it that I was able to be aroused by ordinary looking women, nor did I ever seek exceptionally pretty women to impress other people. I am of moderate SMV (middle class, 5’10”, modestly attractive, but bodybuilder physique) and I’ve always accepted that.

You of course do run the risk of being life-long lonely if you are have ordinary SMV and cannot form a relationship with an ordinary woman.

I’m just curious. Are dating apps that bad? Two of my cousins, sisters, both married with children, met their husbands on Tinder years ago. Two of my divorced friends have other women (pretty much wives without government papers) they met on Bumble, one of whom has a second child with his woman.

What’s worth noting is that in all examples, such people met their matches. For example, the guy with a second wife and second kid with her, he’s fat and ordinary looking, and his wife is fat and ordinary looking (and they both obviously are aware of who they are). One of the cousins, she’s high earning, very attractive, and highly intelligent, and her husband is the same (she’s a corporate executive, he’s a film director).

I think men who can’t accept their matches are headed to loneliness. Unlike some others, I don’t think a man can game his way to the SMV ladder. High SMV women (I don’t just mean their looks) aren’t stupid; if anything, they’re very in touch with who they can attract. If I recall correctly, @BeExcellent covered this and I appreciated her thoughts on the matter. (BeExcellent, you obviously don’t have to comment but I think you have a realistic take on matters.)

Agree strongly. I’m like your cousin and I dated (and married) men who matched me in SMV. Water always seeks its own level. I too have a cousin who met her husband on Match. She is a tall cute woman who has a PhD in statistics (she’s a college stats professor) and he’s a very cute Italian computer exec who is a little heavy set. They both have gregarious personalities and laugh all the time. Like you said, they match. They are happy & doing well.

Acceptance is key for people. There IS a woman out there who will be attracted to every man. Not everybody is going to date a super model or a porn star looking girl.