Hi, I'm a newbie. First post. Married 7 years, 2 kids. Kids are 2 and 5. I work and earn more than enough for everyone. We have a nanny, and wife goes to a health club 5 days a week. Been sleeping in a separate bed for almost 10 months. No sex. No affection. Nothing. Wife blames all of our problems on me. Refuses to want to reconnect. We separated for 4 months. I've been back in the house for about 6 months now. We we're in counseling, then she ended it. The counseling gave me some insight into how I can improve things. It helped to defuse the anger, but when it came time to "reconnecting" she said she wasn't interested. Last week I was at the end of my rope and I stumbled onto this forum. I now realize, after reading through this forum, that I'm one of those super nice guys who keeps doing nice things, and that she has lost respect for me.
So I am an AFC. Big time. I get it. I made a few changes over the last week, and I've noticed a minor shift. I told her that the health club, and the nanny are luxuries and that given that she does not want to sleep in the same bed with me, or have a relationship, that I'm done paying for luxuries. She whipped her wedding ring off, threw it at my head and said "sell it, and give me the money. Then I will pay for the health club." I did slip a day later, and told her I wouldn't get rid of her membership, but for about a day I felt like a man. I have stopped showing her attention. I'm not ignoring her out of spite, or as a power-grab. I'm doing it because I'm sick of letting this person and their issues prevent me from having a happy life. I go out with friends, play sports, and generally try to enjoy myself as much as possible.
I do still love my wife very much, and deep in my heart I want to revive our relationship. I get that my nice guy ways have played a role in her losing respect for me. Thanks for listening to my story...p.s. it's our anniversary next week. My plan is to do and say nothing. If she makes a stink, I will tell her that there is no reason to celebrate given that we don't have a relationship. Advice is greatly appreciated!
So I am an AFC. Big time. I get it. I made a few changes over the last week, and I've noticed a minor shift. I told her that the health club, and the nanny are luxuries and that given that she does not want to sleep in the same bed with me, or have a relationship, that I'm done paying for luxuries. She whipped her wedding ring off, threw it at my head and said "sell it, and give me the money. Then I will pay for the health club." I did slip a day later, and told her I wouldn't get rid of her membership, but for about a day I felt like a man. I have stopped showing her attention. I'm not ignoring her out of spite, or as a power-grab. I'm doing it because I'm sick of letting this person and their issues prevent me from having a happy life. I go out with friends, play sports, and generally try to enjoy myself as much as possible.
I do still love my wife very much, and deep in my heart I want to revive our relationship. I get that my nice guy ways have played a role in her losing respect for me. Thanks for listening to my story...p.s. it's our anniversary next week. My plan is to do and say nothing. If she makes a stink, I will tell her that there is no reason to celebrate given that we don't have a relationship. Advice is greatly appreciated!