speed dawg
Master Don Juan
WTF?logicallefty said:
new guy, wife treats me like ****
- Thread starter kingvavy
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KarmaSutra
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My, my, my, what deadly webs we weave when we practice to deceive.
I've read every post in this thread and, though most of the astute, schooled, and learned posters can be taken on their word (proven by their experience); there's a few who don't know a goddamned thing.
Here's my perspective on your dilemma: Do not allow her to influence anything you do from this point forward. You're on the fence due to inexperience and trepidation, and find it easier to lull yourself into allowing her to make decisions for your life. This is evident by your not wanting to cancel her gym membership and be rid of the nanny. She has to want to Mother your children.
Don't go out of your way to make her life difficult, but don't make it life-as-usual either. Change will force her to see there's a reckoning coming. You cannot make someone care about/love you, which makes your time and effort meaningless. She smells your fear as much as she smells the cash you bring in.
Regarding whether or not she's cheating; who fvcking cares. You're not fvcking her so you're nothing more than her glorified girlfriend. If she's biting a pillow, let her. Why would you want to suck another dude's d!ck by-proxy in any case? Then kiss your kids nighty night.
It's not worth it.
She's not worth it.
Memories of your past as a couple aren't worth it.
Your future as a Father, emotional and spiritual mentor , and masculine leader your kids will reference for the rest of their lives are what you should ONLY focus on and care about.
Think of it this way: You pine and whine endlessly for this idiot to change (which she will not), your kids see how fvcking ridiculous you act, then mimic that behavior, destined to carry on your legacy of abuse in their lives.
You happy now?
I've read every post in this thread and, though most of the astute, schooled, and learned posters can be taken on their word (proven by their experience); there's a few who don't know a goddamned thing.
Here's my perspective on your dilemma: Do not allow her to influence anything you do from this point forward. You're on the fence due to inexperience and trepidation, and find it easier to lull yourself into allowing her to make decisions for your life. This is evident by your not wanting to cancel her gym membership and be rid of the nanny. She has to want to Mother your children.
Don't go out of your way to make her life difficult, but don't make it life-as-usual either. Change will force her to see there's a reckoning coming. You cannot make someone care about/love you, which makes your time and effort meaningless. She smells your fear as much as she smells the cash you bring in.
Regarding whether or not she's cheating; who fvcking cares. You're not fvcking her so you're nothing more than her glorified girlfriend. If she's biting a pillow, let her. Why would you want to suck another dude's d!ck by-proxy in any case? Then kiss your kids nighty night.
It's not worth it.
She's not worth it.
Memories of your past as a couple aren't worth it.
Your future as a Father, emotional and spiritual mentor , and masculine leader your kids will reference for the rest of their lives are what you should ONLY focus on and care about.
Think of it this way: You pine and whine endlessly for this idiot to change (which she will not), your kids see how fvcking ridiculous you act, then mimic that behavior, destined to carry on your legacy of abuse in their lives.
You happy now?
The Duke
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Kingvavy- I haven't read all of what has been posted, but I just want to leave you with my story as to provide you a little more insight into what women are capable of.
I was with the same girl for 14yrs. Dated thru high school and college and did the whole long distance thing for a while. After graduation we moved to the same city and got good jobs. Got married and bought a house. Had plenty of money with nice cars, nice toys, vacations, and nice house. After 4yrs of marriage, we both quit working on the relationship and she got bored and thought she could find better.
Her appearance started to change. She was going to more happy hours with work people. She was spending a lot of time at the gym. Work became more important to her. She was trying to move up the ladder. I should have known what was going on but didn't think much of it.
For one whole year she was planning her exit. She was embezzling money into her own secret account I knew nothing about. She was trying to secure a higher paying job so she could live more comfortably post divorce.
We never fought, there was no drama. She rarely complained. Let me do whatever I wanted. She also never mentioned anything about being unhappy in our marriage. When I asked her she down played it.
Eventually I figured out she was up to something. She would be on her phone at night texting in another room. She started to spend large amounts of time at the mall on Saturday but in reality she was hanging out with the guy she was fuhking on the side while she was still fuhking me. I was devastated when I finally figured it all out. Even when I presented her with the facts she still lied to my face about it. In the end I divorced her and she is the one now 6yrs later who got fat and is depressed and goes to counseling because she feels bad about what she did.
I highly recommend you get her social security number and run a credit report on her. You are allowed a free one every year I believe. You will find out if she has any secret credit cards or bank accounts she is funneling money into.
I noticed in one of your postings that you stated you hated drama and I got the idea that you would rather not make a big deal out of something she might do wrong than argue with her. I'm pretty easy going, not much bothers me. I used to think this way and looking back its not the way to handle things.
Now days I pick my battles, but when my chic wants to start drama I will put her in her place. In the end she respects me for it. She knows if she doesn't act right that I will leave. That girl of yours needs some tough love.
If your girl isn't cheating on you yet, she will be soon. There are a lot of changes that you need to make for yourself. Diks are more attractive to women than nice guys.
Also, if you and her have any mutual female friends, don't for one second think you can trust them.
This website isn't the best for finding advice on how to fix your marriage, but there are some sharp guys here that know how to keep women in check. Most all of us has been ran over and kicked by some biatch before. We all have the scars and stories to prove it.
I was with the same girl for 14yrs. Dated thru high school and college and did the whole long distance thing for a while. After graduation we moved to the same city and got good jobs. Got married and bought a house. Had plenty of money with nice cars, nice toys, vacations, and nice house. After 4yrs of marriage, we both quit working on the relationship and she got bored and thought she could find better.
Her appearance started to change. She was going to more happy hours with work people. She was spending a lot of time at the gym. Work became more important to her. She was trying to move up the ladder. I should have known what was going on but didn't think much of it.
For one whole year she was planning her exit. She was embezzling money into her own secret account I knew nothing about. She was trying to secure a higher paying job so she could live more comfortably post divorce.
We never fought, there was no drama. She rarely complained. Let me do whatever I wanted. She also never mentioned anything about being unhappy in our marriage. When I asked her she down played it.
Eventually I figured out she was up to something. She would be on her phone at night texting in another room. She started to spend large amounts of time at the mall on Saturday but in reality she was hanging out with the guy she was fuhking on the side while she was still fuhking me. I was devastated when I finally figured it all out. Even when I presented her with the facts she still lied to my face about it. In the end I divorced her and she is the one now 6yrs later who got fat and is depressed and goes to counseling because she feels bad about what she did.
I highly recommend you get her social security number and run a credit report on her. You are allowed a free one every year I believe. You will find out if she has any secret credit cards or bank accounts she is funneling money into.
I noticed in one of your postings that you stated you hated drama and I got the idea that you would rather not make a big deal out of something she might do wrong than argue with her. I'm pretty easy going, not much bothers me. I used to think this way and looking back its not the way to handle things.
Now days I pick my battles, but when my chic wants to start drama I will put her in her place. In the end she respects me for it. She knows if she doesn't act right that I will leave. That girl of yours needs some tough love.
If your girl isn't cheating on you yet, she will be soon. There are a lot of changes that you need to make for yourself. Diks are more attractive to women than nice guys.
Also, if you and her have any mutual female friends, don't for one second think you can trust them.
This website isn't the best for finding advice on how to fix your marriage, but there are some sharp guys here that know how to keep women in check. Most all of us has been ran over and kicked by some biatch before. We all have the scars and stories to prove it.
MOTU
Master Don Juan
Kingvavy, there is good stuff in this thread. I have been where you are, twice. and I want to share a few additional thoughts.
First, I have a theory that if women begin to judge the men that provide for them, resentment isn't far behind. This is because once they start to feel superior to the man, they resent the fact that they have to rely on him for financial well being. They see it as somehow beneath them. I know that logic doesn't work, but I am telling you it has occurred in both of my marriages and in the marriages of others I know. The answer is to make her earn her keep so she is a contributor to the household. People value what they earn far more than what is given to them.
Second, I think you have to have some absolute boundaries, and she needs to know what they are. Lack of boundaries creates lack of respect, and lack of respect leads to my first point.
Third, never expect a woman to do what is right when it is not in her self interest to do so. Since she is financially dependent on you, if (when) you all split her only means of maintaining her lifestyle will be to take from you. And she will. All she can get. And she won't be fair or honest about it. I know this sounds harsh and jaded but you need to be prepared for it.
I really thought my marriage 2.0 was different and wife 2 hated how wife 1 had tried to milk all the money out of me she could, so I didn't think I ha to protect myself from her. But once the reality of having to support herself hit wife 2, everything changed, and quickly. I wasn't prepared and it cost me some serious dough. If you want to maintain the financial means to do things for and with your kids, you need to prepare yourself for the worst. Hopefully it won't happen, but if it does, you'll be glad you took the precautionary measures. Hope for the best but prepare for the worst!!
Good luck. I know your situation sucks, but it will pass.
First, I have a theory that if women begin to judge the men that provide for them, resentment isn't far behind. This is because once they start to feel superior to the man, they resent the fact that they have to rely on him for financial well being. They see it as somehow beneath them. I know that logic doesn't work, but I am telling you it has occurred in both of my marriages and in the marriages of others I know. The answer is to make her earn her keep so she is a contributor to the household. People value what they earn far more than what is given to them.
Second, I think you have to have some absolute boundaries, and she needs to know what they are. Lack of boundaries creates lack of respect, and lack of respect leads to my first point.
Third, never expect a woman to do what is right when it is not in her self interest to do so. Since she is financially dependent on you, if (when) you all split her only means of maintaining her lifestyle will be to take from you. And she will. All she can get. And she won't be fair or honest about it. I know this sounds harsh and jaded but you need to be prepared for it.
I really thought my marriage 2.0 was different and wife 2 hated how wife 1 had tried to milk all the money out of me she could, so I didn't think I ha to protect myself from her. But once the reality of having to support herself hit wife 2, everything changed, and quickly. I wasn't prepared and it cost me some serious dough. If you want to maintain the financial means to do things for and with your kids, you need to prepare yourself for the worst. Hopefully it won't happen, but if it does, you'll be glad you took the precautionary measures. Hope for the best but prepare for the worst!!
Good luck. I know your situation sucks, but it will pass.
The Duke
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What Karma Sutra & Motu just posted is so so true. They summed it up exactly. I hope you take it to heart. If you don't you will get your a$$ kicked by this woman. Women are much more capable of evil schitt than men are. They are all shady deep inside. It took me 35yrs to see the light. There's a reason our uncles and grandpas kept them barefoot and pregnant and over a stove.
Jules_Winfield
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My God, I'm thinking of all the women I've known with foul odors.logicallefty said:
She's cheating. That is a fact! She hasn't left you for one reason: the other guy won't fully commit.
Scaramouche
Master Don Juan
Dear KingVavy,
Read Bradds post very carefully,I wish it wasn't good advice,but it is....Once they show contempt,there is no going back,if she does get shocked at having to find her own money,this will just be a strategic withdrawal.....by all means try the nonchalent tactics many recommend,but whatever you do PROTECT YOURSELF...The storm is coming!
Read Bradds post very carefully,I wish it wasn't good advice,but it is....Once they show contempt,there is no going back,if she does get shocked at having to find her own money,this will just be a strategic withdrawal.....by all means try the nonchalent tactics many recommend,but whatever you do PROTECT YOURSELF...The storm is coming!
Scaramouche
Master Don Juan
Dear LogicalLefty,
Fascinated by your Post,"The female v@gina can smell like this when it is adjusting from one man's sperm to another. It's some PH factor thing" Never heard or read about that,I think it worth a post on its own!
Fascinated by your Post,"The female v@gina can smell like this when it is adjusting from one man's sperm to another. It's some PH factor thing" Never heard or read about that,I think it worth a post on its own!
logicallefty
Moderator
I can do that. Not sure if you saw my later post in this thread, #49. I put a link to the Center For Desese Control fact page talking about it.Scaramouche said:
Knight's Cross
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I went thru a similar situation years back. My wife (ex now) was preparing for months. Oh sure, she was cordial, and even fleetingly decent, deep down she had made the switch. We had a joint checking account. Joint property, no kids. I remember that I was due a huge check into our account (around $30k) for something. Bad for her I had recently made contact with an attorney. He immediately advised me to open a new checking account and route that $ that was due to me to it. As long as I was paying mortgage, bills, etc. that $ was all mine. So 3 days ahead of the $ coming in I did so.
She and I were going to bed,(yeah as messed up as it sounds we were still sleeping in the same bed). As I drifted off, she was rattling about putting that $ into savings as soon as it came in. I mumbled sure and drifted off. 48 hours later the $ deposited to me. She called me at work to ask if I hadn't gotten paid? I told her I indeed did get the $. That's when the light bulb went on for her. That I was onto her BS, and ahead of her moves. I still got reamed in court, but it wasn't so bad since we both had jobs, no kids, and little assets.
It was amazing to me how cold and calculating a woman can get. I do believe that when it comes time for divorce you have to go cold blooded warfare. They are not your friend, they are all about the $ and what they can get. She became an attorney. Perfectly suited for her cold hearted soul.
KC
She and I were going to bed,(yeah as messed up as it sounds we were still sleeping in the same bed). As I drifted off, she was rattling about putting that $ into savings as soon as it came in. I mumbled sure and drifted off. 48 hours later the $ deposited to me. She called me at work to ask if I hadn't gotten paid? I told her I indeed did get the $. That's when the light bulb went on for her. That I was onto her BS, and ahead of her moves. I still got reamed in court, but it wasn't so bad since we both had jobs, no kids, and little assets.
It was amazing to me how cold and calculating a woman can get. I do believe that when it comes time for divorce you have to go cold blooded warfare. They are not your friend, they are all about the $ and what they can get. She became an attorney. Perfectly suited for her cold hearted soul.
KC
Mostly lurk here once and a while,mostly when I feel like im slipping.Im divorced,since 2001,made all the afc mistakes.Original poster...its hard to believe the fact that your marrage is done,especially when you have small children,mine were 10 and 5.Take the advise given here..you don't need to be treated like **** any longer.
sodbuster
Master Don Juan
One of their other little tricks is to "go back to school" so they have NO INCOME and you pay more in ALIMONY. Make her get a job
In2theGame
Master Don Juan
I have my own crazy personal experiences with loads of Women and how manipulative they can be but reading through this & being curious what are the stories of Divorce, Im so glad i never got Married. I almost did twice and both ex GF's at the end were very deceiving, very manipulating and cheating mean while they were very sweet loving women at the start and i would have never thought they would turn on me like they did. I cant imagine going through a divorce with a Woman acting like this and trying to take all your hard earned money too. I dont know if i would be able to take it and maybe end up in Jail from grabbing her by her hair and choking her out. Im sorry your going through this OP and sorry for other posters that went through that as well.
Bokanovsky
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A lot of good advice in this thread. Let me summarize it for you, kingwavy.
1. Accept reality. Your wife doesn't love you. Your marriage is over. There is nothing you can do at this point to reverse that. That ship sailed a long time ago.
2. From now on, your only focus should be on your exit strategy - one that will minimize you financial losses and the chances of you becoming a victim of false domestic violence allegations. If you are smart enough to earn "more than enough money for everyone" you should be smart enough to figure out how to arrange your financial affairs going forward.
3. Do not drastically alter your behaviour patterns. You do not want to arouse suspicion at this stage.
4. Seek legal advice ASAP and start preparing for the inevitable court battle. Getting a head start in a situation like this is key.
5. Try to make the best out of this sh!tty situation. It sounds like you have a good job. Don't let your domestic situation bring you down to a point where it affects your career. Also, you have two young kids. You can still have a loving relationship with them, even after divorce (getting proper custody and access arrangements will be crucial).
1. Accept reality. Your wife doesn't love you. Your marriage is over. There is nothing you can do at this point to reverse that. That ship sailed a long time ago.
2. From now on, your only focus should be on your exit strategy - one that will minimize you financial losses and the chances of you becoming a victim of false domestic violence allegations. If you are smart enough to earn "more than enough money for everyone" you should be smart enough to figure out how to arrange your financial affairs going forward.
3. Do not drastically alter your behaviour patterns. You do not want to arouse suspicion at this stage.
4. Seek legal advice ASAP and start preparing for the inevitable court battle. Getting a head start in a situation like this is key.
5. Try to make the best out of this sh!tty situation. It sounds like you have a good job. Don't let your domestic situation bring you down to a point where it affects your career. Also, you have two young kids. You can still have a loving relationship with them, even after divorce (getting proper custody and access arrangements will be crucial).
logicallefty
Moderator
To add to this, they may do like my ex and "go back to school" online and now they get to sit on their a## all day at home. Mine attempted to combine this with the disabled card. I'm lucky I caught her committing bigamy or I would have been screwed worst than I was.sodbuster said:
DonGorgon
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Bokanovsky said:
perfect information perfectly stated... and very conclusive... Most marriages end up like this even the ones hat seem to last have a huh rate or dysfunction. men are the main losers in marriage but society keep telling men to "commit to her" whir women are allowed to be committed only too self
thee sis enough clear info about marriage for men to avoid that mistake so i feel like any man that falls into the trap now bares a lot of responsibility for them inevitable outcome
jimjam
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I was divorced in 2007. Other than a substantial loss on A property we owned, i walked away relatively unscathed. No alimony, no kids. I was lucky. She could have cleaned me out.
I moved in with a woman. Everything was great. Lovey dovey, sex all the time. She threw me out as soon as she got pregnant. Actually, a month after. I had nothing, the clothes on my back when i left. I couldn't fathom how someone could be so cruel.especially since she was pregnant and had processed to love me more than anything. Then i lost my job and she still sues me for child support. Believe me, I'm happy to pay, but have some compassion for Christ sake. I mean, . I don't have a job. I was AFC, but there had to be more to i rtf. I don't drink, l don't do drugs, good provider, all that. Total red pill now.
Anyway. All in the past now. My point is this OP: BE CAREFUL AND PROTECT YOURSELF. Adhere to a lot of advice given here. Women are capable of astonishing acts of cruelty.
I moved in with a woman. Everything was great. Lovey dovey, sex all the time. She threw me out as soon as she got pregnant. Actually, a month after. I had nothing, the clothes on my back when i left. I couldn't fathom how someone could be so cruel.especially since she was pregnant and had processed to love me more than anything. Then i lost my job and she still sues me for child support. Believe me, I'm happy to pay, but have some compassion for Christ sake. I mean, . I don't have a job. I was AFC, but there had to be more to i rtf. I don't drink, l don't do drugs, good provider, all that. Total red pill now.
Anyway. All in the past now. My point is this OP: BE CAREFUL AND PROTECT YOURSELF. Adhere to a lot of advice given here. Women are capable of astonishing acts of cruelty.
Albatross953
Master Don Juan
A ton of good advice, especially about protecting your interests. Having been there, I would totally recommend a PI, plus probably a keylogger and phone software. Find out the truth dude.
I say cover your ass, then burn her by exposing her affair far and wide. I'm betting she is cheating, and he's married or she would already be gone.
Protect yourself.
Find the truth.
Torch your marriage, then his.
I say cover your ass, then burn her by exposing her affair far and wide. I'm betting she is cheating, and he's married or she would already be gone.
Protect yourself.
Find the truth.
Torch your marriage, then his.