new guy, wife treats me like ****

[DonGorgon]

I was divorced in 2007. Other than a substantial loss on A property we owned, i walked away relatively unscathed. No alimony, no kids. I was lucky. She could have cleaned me out.

I moved in with a woman. Everything was great. Lovey dovey, sex all the time. She threw me out as soon as she got pregnant. Actually, a month after. I had nothing, the clothes on my back when i left. I couldn't fathom how someone could be so cruel.especially since she was pregnant and had processed to love me more than anything. Then i lost my job and she still sues me for child support. Believe me, I'm happy to pay, but have some compassion for Christ sake. I mean, . I don't have a job. I was AFC, but there had to be more to i rtf. I don't drink, l don't do drugs, good provider, all that. Total red pill now.

Anyway. All in the past now. My point is this OP: BE CAREFUL AND PROTECT YOURSELF. Adhere to a lot of advice given here. Women are capable of astonishing acts of cruelty.

yup you were the nice guy to the new girl and she decided to take you for all she could and am sure has a low life side dude she finances...

men refuse to accept that marriage is a terrible idea ... having kids is bad too unless you are fine with eventually leaving ten with your EX and paying her money while she moves ohm to new men ..lol

 

[jimjam]

He is my son, though i did once have my doubts.

In any event, I'm the one who wanted to have a kid with HER. i was that much in love. I was so happy when she told me she was pregnant. It was all i ever wanted. To father and raise a child with the woman i loved more than anything. Yeah, right.

Like i said, i couldn't u understand how one human could be so cruel to another. Maybe i still can't.

But, i have a beautiful soon who i love more than anything. He smiles and every time he does its another reminder to me to keep him that way for the rest of his life. His mom is re married and neither of them drink or take drugs, etc. I see my son often and his mom gives him a good home. Me, her
And her new man all get along on a superficial level. Which is fine. Better that than to be at each other's throats. I'm glad to be in a position to pay child support. I know the money has to have some effect on his life.

Anyway, the whole thing really put the z zap on me
Like i said, total reed pill. And i have really lost my trust in women.

 

[Desdinova]

Allow me to be the first to move this to the "Married Man" forum...

 

[Epimanes]

I would check out marriage builders and married man sex life. I think many of the guys here give advice based off of being personally jaded. There was a point between my wife and I that lasted several years.. On and off.. Of her and I being totally out of love.. Arguing all the time.. Tons of disrespect.. It even got to a point where I was gunna kill myself to end the pain between us. Between this place... Marriage builders and married man sex life.. We are now in love.. Not arguing ever.. Going out and spending quality time more often and fvck way more than ever.

So for someone to say "face your reality your marriage is over" is bad advice. It doesn't have to be that way.

Put it this way... My wife wanted us to end too.. I didn't let us.. She kinda didn't bit didn't know what to do either. In her state of mind she couldn't have sex because she didn't feel anything for me.. Had to do a lot of work to turn it around for my kids and I am glad I did. We are happier than ever.. But it took a lot of work. Maybe fighting for your marriage is not for you... But I can tell you your wife can't fix it.. Only you can as the man of your house. She only reacts to the current state. ... You should go read the married man sex life primer.. It will open your eyes big time. Its kinda like sosuave and ther djbible.. But for married guys. And marriage builders is about good beta behaviour the MMSL is about good alpha behaviour. Both are traits you must use at appropriate times. You can't be all alpha all the time when married. It builds no comfort in the relationship. But you can't be a beta puzzy either or she will reactivly lose respect for you. You have to find balance and the three places I mentioned can help you find it.

Epi

 

[rascal99v]

First of all, you need to find out if your state has a No Fault Divorce Law. If it does, then you cannot use cheating against her and she can't use it against you. The court doesn't care what was going on during the marriage with affairs with a No Fault Divorce.

I would start protecting my assets since you say you make a lot of money. Don't you think your wife wants to get her hands on your money when she's had enough of you? Put your money in an off shore account where she can't touch it and it is hidden that nobody knows about. That will protect you from having to pay more money to her in case you have to.

Understand that your marriage is over. Don't get any fantasy ideas about her changing and you two living happy again. It isn't going to happen. She showed her true colors when she took her ring off and threw it in your face telling you to sell it. A ring is the most important thing to a married woman, it is a symbol of your love and marriage. What did she think about it? She threw it at you to sell it so she can go to her health club. It's all about her and not about you or your future.

You do know that she isn't going to be living in this situation for very long, don't you?. Pretty soon she will want to get her hands on your money, so she can live a new life with her kids. These women are selfish and don't care about uprooting the kids or any of that stuff. She is just waiting for the right time to make it happen and to hit you with a divorce when you're off guard. Millions of women have done this and don't care about the affect on their kids. They want a new life for themselves. That's why you need to get a lawyer and get the ball rolling first so you can hit her with the element of surprise.



Some posters gave you some good advice and some gave you very bad advice. I know they mean well and are trying to help you, but their vengeful advice is going to hurt you in court.


DO NOT SELL HER RING. Her lawyer will use this against you in court and make you out to be a "mean uncaring bastard" who sold your wife's ring for no reason. You will be painted as an assh0le and will be the focus of the case against you. You want to use the ring incident against her in court. You want to be the "caring husband who couldn't bring yourself to sell the ring you gave your wife" even when she threw it at you and forced you to sell it. The more you have to use against her the better. The less she has against you the more you come out ahead. Keep the ring and put it in a safety deposit box where you can use it against her. Don't let her have it because she doesn't want it. You can use this against her in your case when you still have the ring. Then you can sell it later on after the case is over. If you sell it, she will use it against you and you will be forced to pay her the amount for the ring.

Don't cut her off her "luxuries". You want to appear as the "caring husband who was good to his wife" and show her as the b1tch as she is. Cutting her off will paint you as the bad guy and it will piss her off which will get her thinking of getting a divorce faster. You want to start to get the ball rolling right way before she has a chance to do anything. The element of surprise.

Don't anger her. You want to operate like "business as usual" without giving her any suspicions or angering her to where she can start a divorce before you have time to take care of business behind the scenes.

You want to have the element of surprise so you can win and beat her at her own game. You always want to use the element of surprise against your opponent. A good football team will do that when they run a play the other team never expects. The element of surprise was used to beat the British when we changed tactics in fighting battles in war. Your element of surprise is to hide your assets, gather evidence against her, work with your lawyer to get a good case against her, to protect yourself, and to catch her off guard while she is not prepared for a divorce. She will hit you with it one day soon, you want to beat her to the punch.

Don't be afraid to take action and start a divorce yourself. This woman could care less about you and she will end up screwing you (not in a good way) to gain everything for her benefit. You are the one who has the most to lose and she will take whatever she can from you and leave you in the dust while she starts her new life with someone else. She is prepping herself for that right now. Why do you think that Health Club is so important to her?

You're living in a terrible situation with an unloving wife. You deserve to be happy and to enjoy your life without being miserable, going without sex, sleeping in separate rooms. Your wife isn't going to do this forever you know. How much longer do you think she is going to? You need to start over fresh and get yourself back in the game again.

Some people might disagree with me, but the most important thing you can do is protect yourself. You need to protect your assets and appear to be "model husband" during the divorce proceedings. The better you appear, the better you are prepared, the more you can hide, the less she will get out of you and that is what you want. She will be like a vampire trying to suck everything she can get from you.

Your best revenge is to win over her. That means her getting even less out of you while she is miserable for the rest of her life. That is the best revenge that you can get.

Trying to take things away from her now out of spite isn't the revenge you want. You want her to get less out of you in the long run, because if she takes you to the cleaners, you selling her ring, taking away her nanny, and Health Club isn't going to amount to sh1t, when she has your funds to enjoy that you are forced to pay. She will win over you and that's not what you want. Start now before she does, that is very important.

 

[Epimanes]

I don't agree that op should do nothing. But I also don't agree its not salvageable. Of course there could be more going on than what's said.. So I tend to be optimisitic. I could be wrong and maybe op's wife is a psycho bytch.. Heck I could have told you my wife was psycho bytch too for some time. My wife didn't even want to go to counselling or nothing. I did all the heavy lifting and fixed us.. Ultimately its up to the man to put his foot down, alpha up where needed and reward her behaviour with occasional good beta (as opposed to bad puzzy beta crap). But if op wants to fix it.. He can.. If not chances are whatever caused her to lose respect for him will reemerge and he will repeat it over again with the next woman. Pook said it... The bible says it. Man is the head of the house.. His frame controls the general emotional state of the marriage and household. His wife likely shyt tests him over and over and he continuously fails it and then supplicates her to get her to be happy. Which is counter productive.

I suggest to go visit www.marriedmansexlife.com read the primer (you can buy the primer for 10bux and buy the map book and follow through with what it says. It will open your eyes. Also read no more mr nice guy... Fvck that was an eye opener too.

 

[Albatross953]

All respect Epi, but this is a bad situation. Based on a couple years on marriagebuilders I'd wager she's having a PA with another married man.

I would tell him to snoop, expose, and divorce. I can't ask him to do plan A versus a hugely wayward spouse in a long term affair.

Agree your sources are good, except maybe NMMNG. I just don't think its worth it. Cheating wives are a tough sell, marriagebuilders only saves a minority. Plus even if he does save it the resentment will eat him alive.

Anyway, all this means nothing unless OP comes back, and works to find out WTF is really going on.

 

[Desdinova]

After having it happen twice on me, allow me give you a bit on insight on what happens when a woman is entertaining the idea of fvcking another guy...

First of all, women are the absolute WORST at hiding the fact that they're cheating. I'm not talking about your non-live-in girlfriend, I'm talking about the woman you're living with. They are TERRIBLE at covering it up and leave hints absolutely everywhere.

So, keeping that in mind, are any of the following happening?...

- Things in her life are changing. They could be her hobbies, the music she listens to, the time she spends doing things, and additional activities.

- She starts dressing nice and putting on makeup for mundane activities or events where this attire is inappropriate.

- She begins accusing you of cheating

- She starts going through your 5hit, trying to nail you with cheating

If any of this is happening, then there's another man in her life. If not, it may only be a matter of time until it begins to happen.


Now, allow me to state that you've spoiled your wife into her current lifestyle. Cutting her off from it is just going to piss her off, and she's already pissed off. So, let her isolate herself from you. Take the kids out for activities, do some stuff around the house that makes you happy, and let her sulk. Pour yourself a glass of wine and put on a movie in the bedroom while she's going to sleep on the couch. Make her feel like you're having the time of your life without her attention, even though you live in the same house. If she gets mad at you for having fun without her, then invite her to share in your activity. If she angrily refuses, just shug your shoulders and say "Okay." Let her bad behavior run off your back. Expect nothing of her.

If by some chance you decide you want to end the marriage, you NEED to sit down with her calmly, and work out a Separation Agreement. This will save your fvcking ass should either one of you get the ball rolling for divorce. Outline who gets what, how the child visitation is going to work, and leave NOTHING out. If things start getting heated, suggest taking a break and returning to it a bit later. You CANNOT reasonably separate your stuff when both of your heads are on fire. Prepare to make some sacrifices, but expect her to do the same. You have to make it as fair as possible. If at a later date she tries to change the stuff you guys outlined, she will have an uphill battle.

Trust me, this will save your butt. I'm thankful as hell that I did it with my ex. I came out of my divorce with my house, my vehicle, and my child, all because I worked with her on a Separation Agreement. She tried to fight it and failed.

 

[kingvavy]

OK, quick update. I wasn't totally accurate with some facts in my original post. Been in separate beds since March 2014. Had sex three times since Jan, but there was no real emotion...just ****ing. Been going out as much as possible...she always asks where I've been, who I've been with, etc. The other day she went with the line "I don't know what I want, you control me, etc., etc" I very calmly told her that if she doesn't like the life I've provided, than I am happy to work out an agreement. This broke through to her and she started telling me that our problems are all my fault. So there it is. Yes I've been taken advantage of, and I agree that if I left, she would probably come around. I can't leave my kids, they need me. Thanks for everyone who told me that we're done, prepare for divorce, etc. Every perspective has value. Would love to hear from the guys who still think I have a shot at fixing things...advice welcome.

 

[Frogster]

I can't pretend to understand all of the details of your circumstances. It sounds like you want to keep the relationship. So here are my suggestions:

Become the Dominant Male.

Don't let her force you to sleep in another bed. Be the man, and insist on sleeping with her.

Date her, and let her know you're still attracted to her. Tell her you're taking her out Friday night, and plan the whole thing. Don't cave in when she says she wants to eat someplace else. Tell her "maybe next time".

Kiss her on the lips before going to work and then text her in the middle of the day saying you can't stop thinking about the kiss. Throw some romance at her.

Put some effort into fvcking her. Be the Dom. and make her do what you want. Don't ask. Just stuff your d!ck in her mouth. Tie her down and stuff a vibrator up her @ss and fvck her senseless.

Focus on self improvement.

Keep your cool. Of course it's all your fault. Its ALWAYS our fault. Blow off her childishness, and keep your frame. YOU wear the pants in the family. Take responsibility, and if you truely are the problem, change. Just don't give in to every little whim that floats into her mind.

It's easier to put effort into your own marriage, than to have an affair.

It sounds like she's already insecure about the relationship, with you going out a lot. This is where she will either chase you or leave you. You want her to chase you and be willing to do anything to keep you.

If you're improving yourself, it doesn't matter whether she stays or leaves. You have other options.

Women want a dominant male. And they should always feel a sense of insecurity. This will force them to chase you and put a little effort into the relationship and their own appearance.

 

[Rave18]

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=214159

MAY help. Hope for the best and prepare for the worst.

 

[Albatross953]

Buy and read the married man sex primer....this week.

And for Christ's sake do some snooping, make sure she's not in an affair.

 

[expos]

Tons of good advice in this thread. Listen to Bradd80, he kicked me some real sh_t after I went through a divorce.

Look, we all go through ups and downs in relationships. Even the best ones go through some rough periods. Your wife is supposed to be your best friend. What you are describing is something your best friend would never do to you. At what point did your wife decide that this is acceptable behavior?

My ex-wife did all the same crap to me. I was just like you. She never thought I was good enough. I worked my butt off at my job, treated her like princess, cooked for her, cleaned the house, did all the outdoor jobs. I was an all-star beta husband and all she could do was focus on what she DIDN’T have and cut me off from sex. She was spoiled and selfish. She got depressed, got fat, picked fights, and was always miserable. We separate, she get’s into shape, and she’s banging a co-worker before our divorce was finalized. We were married in front of 400 people and THREE YEARS LATER she’s got some dude already lined up before the ink on the divorce papers was even is dry. I was absolutely blindsided and completely destroyed.

In fact, she’s getting married to this guy this October and we haven’t even been divorced for two years! You can’t make this stuff up. I feel bad for the guy she’s marrying, as he has NO CLUE what he is in for. In the end, I was the real winner. I got a new job, make great money and got a girl hotter than my ex-wife. I plow her five nights a week and blast hot loads into her on the regular. We eat at the best restaurants, travel the world, people adore us.

The best thing? The ex-wife saw us together one night getting wine and got a good glimpse of her hotter replacement. I always sort of new I was capable of a better woman. I saw my ex again recently in a Facebook photo and she’s FAT again! I’m sure my ex-wife never thought i was able to turn my life around and bang this gorgeous woman. These things have a way of working themselves out!

Don’t think for a second that your woman, this sweet caring loving individual who gave you your children isn’t capable of some terrible things. 75% women are selfish by nature and will take out all their inner turmoil on the ones who love them the most. Marriage is a joke. Our culture puts such massive pressure on us to conform to a structure that has nearly a 60% failure rate, and so many are stuck in miserable marriages and afraid to leave them.

You came to right place. I really think you might be able to turn this around if you act like you don’t care. The biggest thing is not phased by any of her crazy behavior. Without a doubt, you need to go alpha on the way out for the benefit of your wife and yourself.

 

[LiveFreeX]

Hmm could do one of two things.

1. Stay in horrible situation, sexless and frustrated for the rest of your days. At the end, you'll be a broken man and your children will be turned against you.

2. Go abroad and fvck hot women for the rest of your days. Maintain self respect and independence.

Would say goodbye to kiddies and go out for milk one day, never to return. No amount of money is worth staying with an ex-wife for, if she cheated, I think she just gave you a get out of hell free card. Don't fight, don't go to court, take your stuff, sell it and walk into the 3rd world. Let them try and find you in the Cambodian country-side or Australian Outback. Leave a note to your children or an amount of money in a lock box in some bank somewhere, if they want to be with you, they'll come looking.

I use this scenario as my backup plan. My uncle did it when his wife cheated on him, he literally walked out the door and was in Spain the next day.

 

[expos]

Would say goodbye to kiddies and go out for milk one day, never to return. No amount of money is worth staying with an ex-wife for, if she cheated, I think she just gave you a get out of hell free card. Don't fight, don't go to court, take your stuff, sell it and walk into the 3rd world. Let them try and find you in the Cambodian country-side or Australian Outback. Leave a note to your children or an amount of money in a lock box in some bank somewhere, if they want to be with you, they'll come looking.

I use this scenario as my backup plan. My uncle did it when his wife cheated on him, he literally walked out the door and was in Spain the next day.

Hope you are kidding. Don't do this. The kids are the most important thing here. They need a good alpha male to learn from and love, cause honestly, the wife will never get the job done because she's a spoiled, entitled brat. If she is indeed cheating, or does some more disrespectful actions, then bolt. I wouldn't even think twice. Don't give her even a chance to get you back. This sends a pretty clear message that her life is now going to be without you and she failed the marriage.

Keep posting here and give us updates.

 

[rascal99v]

Rascal, none of what you said here is true. In 2010, New York became the last U.S. state to pass a no-fault divorce law and eliminate the need for one partner to be held responsible for the end of the marriage.

New York Becomes Last State to Pass No-Fault Divorce Law

The reason why no fault divorce is the rule in the US is because the family courts have found that using adultery as a grounds for divorce often attracted false testimony, endless litigation, and generally made divorce far more painful than it needs to be.

Like I said before, the judge isn't going to give a flying fvck over who fvcked who or who committed adultery. He's just gonna want to know things like how long the marriage lasted, were kids involved, and how much money the marital property is worth. Then he's going to proceed to financially fvck the OP in the ass real good.

As for the ring, the judge isn't going to give a flying fvck over what happened to the ring. He or she simply is NOT GOING TO CARE. The judge will simply want to know how much the marital property is worth (on paper) and then he will go about considering how the assets are to be divided, and exactly how much OP is going to be paying his wife.

The divorce process is extremely robotic and unemotional. No one cares about how badly you were made to feel or what caused the end of the marriage, unless it's something really illegal or reckless that might cause the judge to avoid giving you custody of the kids.

The only thing that matters is that the marriage is over, and how are we going to divide the assets.



So your advice to the OP about his predicament is not to do anything? How is that going to solve his problem? Doing nothing is what got him in this mess to begin with. Your alternative advice is to stay with her and make her life a miserable hell, but without taking away any of her health club and other benefits?? This is the worst advice I have ever heard. You say there is no point to taking away her benefits, since she'll take him to the cleaners. But as it stands, she is already enjoying all of his sh*t!

OP needs to get out of this marriage to save his sanity, and he needs to start protecting himself before he loses everything he has worked hard for.

All of us see that the OP is in love with his wife, but his wife is definitely not in love with him. You don't go a year without having sex with somebody if you love them. The woman is refusing to go to counseling. She is simply refusing to cooperate in helping turn this marriage into a successful or even bearable one.

The only reason she is still with the OP is because she is lazy, doesn't want to work, and he is her ticket to ensuring she doesn't have to.

So you and Epi might think this is salvageable, but most of us here have no idea why you would advise the OP to continue spending the rest of his life with a woman who

a) doesn't love him
b) treats him like sh*t
c) expects him to make all the money and finance her life of luxury while
d) she doesn't even have sex with him
e) she also sits around doing nothing but "going to the gym" and she
f) won't even take care of their kids (for chrissakes it's the least she can do!) and
g) she refuses to try to make things work.

There's a good reason why a lot of us think this marriage is over. If I thought this marriage was salvageable I would say so. But fine if the OP wants to waste his time in this marriage he can go ahead and ignore our advice. But the very least he can do is go to a lawyer and get some legal advice as to some ways he can go about financially protecting himself.

If he doesn't do something, this woman is eventually going to ruin him both financially and emotionally.

What post were you reading Brad? Because it sure as hell wasn't anything that I wrote. Nowhere in this thread did I ever endorse this man to stay with his wife or try to salvage the marriage. I think it's very terrible that you would purposely twist my words around, make things up, and make false statements of things I never said.

I told this man very clearly in the third paragraph that his marriage is over, to protect his assets, to get a lawyer to start a divorce. How the hell is that telling him to stay and salvage the marriage?

I also told him not to anger her, don't take away her "luxuries" until he gets what he needs together until he starts the divorce proceedings. His wife already flipped out once over it and threw the ring at him. Next time she could cause an altercation to where a fight happens and she can call the cops on him for domestic violence. Then he would be screwed. Aren't you a lawyer? Why don't you know this stuff? This is just a stall tactic until he can get his sh1t in order. It isn't a permanent thing.

You are correct about New York becoming the last no fault State. But, under the laws of the states, New York and other states are not true pure no fault states. That means under certain conditions you CAN be held at fault.

New Jersey allows “no-fault” divorces, but it is not a pure “no-fault” state. Divorcing couples in New Jersey also have the option of seeking a fault-based divorce. There are other States that allow this too. That's why I told him he should learn and understand the laws of his state before he makes rash decisions.

I'm not going to argue technicalities about which state has what or if a judge will decide to enforce it or not, because some will do that under the law.


In states that are not pure “no-fault” states, it matters and the judge will rule accordingly to the at fault law.

I have two friends that went through a divorce with their wives. They proudly served in the Marines but were stupid enough to get married. One of my friends got in a fight with his wife when he confronted her about another guy. She blew up at him and tried to hit him. He grabbed her hand and she called the cops on him for domestic abuse. She took the kids from him and left and he couldn't see them until he completed a program and had to have supervised visits after. He got mad and sold her ring in which she accused him of stealing it and selling it for drugs. He had to pay her the amount for the ring in the settlement.

The reason that he should "operate as business as usual" and not take away her health club and nanny for now is because he shouldn't anger her until he gets his assets protected and his case going first. Otherwise, something like this can happen where there is an altercation that she can use against him. She already threw the ring at him. Don't you think she is capable of adding more misery to his life with a domestic charge? Don't you advise your clients to watch out for stuff like this? Seems like you posted just to pick a fight with me for some reason. That sucks. :yes:

 

[Albatross953]

OP, any update?

 

[Albatross953]

Brad, I should have used you as my divorce attorney...lol

 

[synergy1]

Men always lead, and women always follow. While people are quick to blame women for disrespecting men, it is men who lead the way and ultimately disrespect themselves first. the OP's situation is an unfortunate one, but he spent years fostering an environment where he was reward her for probably not being a nice person. I am seeing this among friends who are married...their wives belittle them in public and the men just let it roll off. The lone exception is a guy who keeps his wife in life...literally. She is not allowed to drink in public, must serve him, and has an allowance. Of course, their marriage is probably the best out of all my other friends who think its funny when their women disrespect them.

I guess my point to the OP is nothing about marriage, but about self respect. From what I can tell, he has none. Start there. Once you have a foundation that you respect yourself, start making your life where you want it to be. If you want to reconcile with this women, find a way. If you think the relationship is over ( which it probably has been for a while), move on.

 

[TheWho]

OK, quick update. I wasn't totally accurate with some facts in my original post. Been in separate beds since March 2014. Had sex three times since Jan, but there was no real emotion...just ****ing. Been going out as much as possible...she always asks where I've been, who I've been with, etc. The other day she went with the line "I don't know what I want, you control me, etc., etc" I very calmly told her that if she doesn't like the life I've provided, than I am happy to work out an agreement. This broke through to her and she started telling me that our problems are all my fault. So there it is. Yes I've been taken advantage of, and I agree that if I left, she would probably come around. I can't leave my kids, they need me. Thanks for everyone who told me that we're done, prepare for divorce, etc. Every perspective has value. Would love to hear from the guys who still think I have a shot at fixing things...advice welcome.

blink 182- stay together for the kids