My relentless journal for 2014

[narcissist]

Alright boys. What the fck is going on?!

Quick Update on life

Feeling realllly fvcking great these past couple weeks!

Ive been eating properly, drinking lots of water, Im on day like 9 or 10 for no coffee - not even counting anymore, No shisha for about 5 days, Ive been hitting the gym FVCKIN HARD, Ive been overall just having a good time and improving myself steadily. Its going great.


I stepped on the weight scale at the gym two days ago and I FINALLY hit 160 lbs.

This is a huge feat for me. I started working out at 118 lbs, and have now reached 160 lbs. Thats 42 fvcking pounds gained over 2 years! AHHH feels soooo great.

My new goal is to reach 170 lbs.

Went out last night an bought some new cologne. Have to smell nice for the ladies. Its pretty expensive one too. It smells amazing.

Work is great too. Its unbelievably easy. I just stand around and punch in buttons on the cashier machine and if anything I make coffee and tea for people. So damn easy. A lot easier then my last job.

Got all my marks back for Uni. My sessional GPA was 3.82.

I wanted a 4.0, so I am kinda bummed about that. But 3.82 is still pretty fvcking great. Theres always next year. I just have to push harder and study more, and I can easily get 4.0 Its going to happen. I am 100% sure of that.



What I need to work on

I have failed the no fap challenge. lmao. Its sooo damn hard. No pun intended.

After I write this im going to fap one more time and then hop back on the no fap challenge.

Persistence is key to success! So even if I fail I will continue to strive for excellence, get back up and try AGAIN. I will not let ANYTHING get in the way.



This next part isnt really my fault but it is most definitely a detrement to me achieving my goals.

FLAKING.

This past week I had plans and lots of them.

I had 2 dates. Both flaked.

I had 2 plans to go out and cold approach. Both times my friends flaked.

I really really need to look past this. If my friends flake i can not let it affect MY success. I MUST go out there by myself and cold approach if worst comes to worst they flake again. I will not waste days, weeks, months, years, waiting for people to face their fears. I am ready to face mine RIGHT NOW.


Last but not least, I need to fix my sleeping habits. I usually go to bed around 3am and wake up around 1pm. No good. I want to sleep around 1 and wake up around 930-10.


Plates

Nothing really new here. Had a couple dates planned out that I was hoping to turn into plates. But I got flaked on. Whatever. I DO NOT let flakes affect me, NOR do I let rejection affect me. I get back up, brush it off, and continue to pursue my goals relentlessly.

HbAAA (sort of my FB) - nothing as of lay. Havent contacted since the last text in my other post. She's still working full time until the last two weeks of may, in which I hope to go over and crush it multiple times. :crazy:




Food for thought

I just want to ramble for a bit right now. I feel so fvcking great. I need to get some things off of my chest.

PERPETUAL BETTERMENT

I cannot stress enough, how important it is to have the perpetual betterment perspective. The perspective in which you better yourself every single day. No days go to waste. Everyday you wake up and determine how you can spend the day in order to go to sleep a better person.

Over time, it really starts to show and it becomes an ADDICTION to work on yourself and see PROGRESS. Its A FVCKING DRUG.

I love working out. I love reading books. I love eating healthy. I love eradicating bad habits and replacing them with good habits. I love building my arsenal of characteristics, mannerisms and personality to be the best it can be.

You get to a point where your actions and progress start rubbing off on other people around you. They start noticing and they start using YOU as motivation. That feeling is FVCKING FANTASTIC. I love being able to help others better their life. I WHOLEHEARTEDLY want everyone around me to be the best person they can be. I want to share this happiness with EVERYONE.

ahhh I'm ecstatic.

Another amazing thing about this is you start falling back on your perpetual betterment perspective for CONFIDENCE.

You go, "oh she rejected me? pftt thats ight In 2 years I know im going to not even want her, because I get better and better ever day."

or

"oh she flaked? hahaha no worries, more time to better myself"

or

"haha rejection. Thats a fvcking joke. Considering the fact that in 5 years at the pace im going Ill be a once in a life time fvcking boss. plenty of girls will want me"

or

"I embrace rejection because I can figure out what I did wrong and FIX IT."

You grow unaffected by things that would normally affect a man, because your biggest concern and your biggest goal is perpetual betterment. And being in this journey You embrace what some would consider negative because you are the type of person to change it TO POSITIVE, in order to LEARN from it. Not only that but it doesn't affect you because your so grounded in bettering yourself you almost take confidence from your FUTURE self, knowing how unbelievable your future self WILL be. If that makes any sense.


POSITIVITY

THIS IS HUGE. Eradicating negativity and replacing/turning it into positivity is a habit that if implemented will change EVERYONES life for the better.

Negativity is horrible, toxic, terrible, the main source of unhappiness.

Do NOT let it run your life. You take it and make it a positive experience by learning from it. But that is all you can do with negativity. Anything else and you are exposing yourself to something dangerous.

If you are not in a strong enough grounded place to turn negativity into a positive learning experience then avoid it all together. You are better to avoid it then to let it suck you into its damaging vortex of emotional turmoil.


STAY IN THE POSITIVE. Like negativity, it is a vortex. But a vortex of pure happiness and bliss.

The only way to jump into the positivity vortex is to change your perspective. Your mind. Your thought processes.

Start looking at everything as positive. Even if it is seemingly negative, you can find positivity in it.

an example.

"oh we live on a sh1tty earth, in a sh1tty existence, perpetuated by bullsh1t"

Negative perspective (negative existentialism)

Oh im going to dwell on this. Im going to let it consume my life where I cant even get up and put a smile on because i have this humming sadness about the nature of existence. We are absurd beings in an absurd world. Blah blah blah. Our true purpose is understanding an impossible-to-understand universe. So i should just keel over and die, for my purpose and existence is futile and meaningless

Positive perspective (positive existentialism)

haha make your existence a satirical comedy. Its hilarious that we live in what seems to be perpetual bull-sh1t. Laugh at it. Its jokes because its so ridiculous. This will give you a smile. I find it laughable that we are beings of trying to understand things in an impossible-to-understand universe. That just goes to show we clearly shouldn't take things THAT seriously. Enjoy the existence for what it is. MAYBE, just MAYBE the point of this existence is to find SOLACE in BULLSH1T. Well for one, positivity is a good path to finding that solace.



This example shows that your PERSPECTIVE can have a HUGE impact on the world you perceive. So you MID AS WELL perceive it in a positive way.


If people try to bring you down, dont let them. Just continually project a positive air. Positivity in my opinion trumps negativity. Soon enough others will feed off of your positivity and eradicate their own negativity until you are surrounded by cool mother fvckers!


Anyways, Im out for now. See you guys later. Enjoy the fvcking day! Its fvcking gorgeous out, and its raining and cold. See what I did there? Perspective is everything.

Peace!

 

[narcissist]

I am sort of angry at myself.

I am not taking my goals seriously.

I smoked shisha last night. I drank a beer today. I fapped yesterday. Like what the fvck am I doing?

Is my will power that fragile that I can just say fvck it and go against my goals?

Regardless of how stupid the goals are, I am the type of person that likes to exercise my will power to keep it sharp.

But wow.

Another thing. I was THIS CLOSE to getting a coffee today. I didn't. Thank god. But still. If I got a coffee today I would be WAY more pissed off then I am now.

My sleeping habits haven't gotten any better either. I still stay up until 3 am and get up at noon.

It is very hard to get up early when I have nothing to do, due to school being over and everything.

Not only that but I haven't been making moves to cold approach.

I haven't been meditating.

I haven't been reading.

wtf

Fvck, everyday I am getting older and older. If I want to be the best person I can be I must utilize my time more efficiently and STICK TO MY FVCKING GOALS.

I will admit that my gym goals are the only goals being met.


Goals for the summer (recap)

1) Gain mass - weigh 170 lbs by the end of august

2) Sleep with 5 women this summer

3) Meditate everyday

4) Read 20 books

5) Drink only water

6) Save 1000$

7) Implement proper sleeping habits

8) No fap/No shisha/Very little alcohol

 

[jurry]

To say you're going to not fap, hardly drink, get perfect sleep schedule, meditate everyday, etc. when you're a 21 year old college student during the summer seems damn near impossible. They are good goals, but don't be too bummed if you can't stick to it for a day or a week, just keep bringing yourself back to it. I know you're into meditation and you're a psych major I think, couple recommendations for you if you're looking for something: 'Consciousness is All' by Peter Dziuban and 'Understanding our Mind' by Thich Nhat Hanh are a couple I read recently that you might enjoy.

Keep fightin' the good fight!

 

[narcissist]

Quick update

Haven't posted in here in a couple weeks.

I am trying to stay out of this forum for a while, and just going to go with what I have learned so far on here and take it to the streets.

To much reading/learning about pickup, and game without actually putting it to the test can actually be detrimental. Information over-indulgence, if you will.

I have learned a lot about game and pickup so I will go out and utilize what I have learned. If I make mistakes? Good. I want to embrace failure. That way when I come back I can see what I was doing wrong and tighten up my game.

As for the other aspects of my life. Everything seems to be going pretty good. I weigh 162 lbs now. Trying to get to 170 lbs. Going to HbAAA's house next week. She initiated contact with me, so i figured her interest level is still there, and decided I mid as well hit it again. Work is good, trying to save my paycheques. Other than that Im just trying to read books and meditate a lot. I am also looking for a place that is close to my house where I can train Muay Thai (thai kickboxing).


I went out cold approaching a couple times these past 2 weeks. Its a very interesting experience.

The approach anxiety is just a mechanism that your brain tries to rationalize to itself so you don't do it. But the second you do it and approach, that anxiety sheds itself, and you realize that approach anxiety is just a weak barrier.

I have probably approached only 10 girls.

The only number I got was a girl I approached at the gym. Even though she seemed really keen and interested in me, and very receptive to me asking for her number she has not replied to my initiation text. dropped.

Also I went on a couple dates (mainly girls from tinder). Kiss closed 70% of them. I will update more in depth if it leads to sex.

 

[narcissist]

Just now I have truly decided to change my life around for the better. I know that a lot of you guys tell me to take at easy on myself because I am in university and I should be doing things like drinking alcohol/coffee, smoking, eating sh1tty food, having sh1tty sleeping habits, etc, etc. But I have realized that doing these things doesn't make me happy. And I want to follow things that fulfills my life and brings me as much happiness as possible.

The number one thing in my life that brings me the utmost joy is bettering myself and always challenging my will power and all of the temptations that life brings forth especially in our western civilization. These temptations, although fun in the moment, are purely hedonistic. I have had doses of hedonistic pleasures and long term pleasures such as gaining muscle. I can safely say that hedonism's happiness is short lived and ultimately will lead to UNHAPPINESS. Whereas long term pleasures such as being in a pure state of betterment, although not much fun at the beginning will ALWAYS in the long term bring bliss, joy, happiness, and contentment.

I say this because I want to truly put forth all of my effort and more into eradicating my hedonistic pleasures. Last night I drank pop, beer, coffee, smoke on a couple of cigarillos, had McDonalds, had dirty ass nachos, smoked shisha, drank jager, smoked weed, and slept at like 5 in the morning.

A day like this is FINE if it happens every 6 months or so and does not impede ones goals. But I have noticed that I cant do that. I cant just do it every 6 months. The hedonistic pleasures are to powerful in the moment. I have been noticing myself drinking coffee again over the past 2 weeks, drinking pop, staying up super late, not taking care of my hygiene, smoking shisha.

But last night really pulled it together. This sh1t DOES NOT MAKE ME HAPPY.

Im being brutally honest.

For me to be fulfilled in life Im going to have to cut all of these unhealthy hedonistic pleasures from my life. I truly know that if I don't do these things I will be a more happy person.

So these are the things that I will be cutting out of my life. I know I have said this multiple time in this journal but I need to keep trying to eradicate or keep at bay my addictive personality.



I will quit smoking shisha/cigerellos/weed

I will quit drinking alcohol/coffee/pop

I will not eat at fast food restaurants

I will take care of my hygiene and sleeping patterns


I know you guys might think I am anal retentive. That may be the case. I just don't find myself being fulfilled and happy when I do these things. It ultimately makes me feel worse about myself. I for one want to chase happiness, So eradicating things out of my life that create unhappiness seems like a good stepping point.

For the next month or more this journal is going to be utilized in a way that will help me get rid of these growing habits. I will also talk about how I will replace these habits with more fulfilling ones.

I truly believe that a life can be fulfilling with out this sh1t.



Love and peace bruhs.

 

[Ronaldo7]

Just now I have truly decided to change my life around for the better. I know that a lot of you guys tell me to take at easy on myself because I am in university and I should be doing things like drinking alcohol/coffee, smoking, eating sh1tty food, having sh1tty sleeping habits, etc, etc. But I have realized that doing these things doesn't make me happy. And I want to follow things that fulfills my life and brings me as much happiness as possible.

The number one thing in my life that brings me the utmost joy is bettering myself and always challenging my will power and all of the temptations that life brings forth especially in our western civilization. These temptations, although fun in the moment, are purely hedonistic. I have had doses of hedonistic pleasures and long term pleasures such as gaining muscle. I can safely say that hedonism's happiness is short lived and ultimately will lead to UNHAPPINESS. Whereas long term pleasures such as being in a pure state of betterment, although not much fun at the beginning will ALWAYS in the long term bring bliss, joy, happiness, and contentment.

I say this because I want to truly put forth all of my effort and more into eradicating my hedonistic pleasures. Last night I drank pop, beer, coffee, smoke on a couple of cigarillos, had McDonalds, had dirty ass nachos, smoked shisha, drank jager, smoked weed, and slept at like 5 in the morning.

A day like this is FINE if it happens every 6 months or so and does not impede ones goals. But I have noticed that I cant do that. I cant just do it every 6 months. The hedonistic pleasures are to powerful in the moment. I have been noticing myself drinking coffee again over the past 2 weeks, drinking pop, staying up super late, not taking care of my hygiene, smoking shisha.

But last night really pulled it together. This sh1t DOES NOT MAKE ME HAPPY.

Im being brutally honest.

For me to be fulfilled in life Im going to have to cut all of these unhealthy hedonistic pleasures from my life. I truly know that if I don't do these things I will be a more happy person.

So these are the things that I will be cutting out of my life. I know I have said this multiple time in this journal but I need to keep trying to eradicate or keep at bay my addictive personality.



I will quit smoking shisha/cigerellos/weed

I will quit drinking alcohol/coffee/pop

I will not eat at fast food restaurants

I will take care of my hygiene and sleeping patterns


I know you guys might think I am anal retentive. That may be the case. I just don't find myself being fulfilled and happy when I do these things. It ultimately makes me feel worse about myself. I for one want to chase happiness, So eradicating things out of my life that create unhappiness seems like a good stepping point.

For the next month or more this journal is going to be utilized in a way that will help me get rid of these growing habits. I will also talk about how I will replace these habits with more fulfilling ones.

I truly believe that a life can be fulfilling with out this sh1t.



Love and peace bruhs.

Why keep lying to yourself? You talk about changing these things in every other post you make on here. IF YOU REALLY WANTED TO ERADICATE THEM, you would have done so by now. Everyone talks, few people act.

When you truly eliminate these things from your life, you won't look back on them. You won't remember them. You won't feel tempted. Only then will you truly have conquered them.

 

[narcissist]

Why keep lying to yourself? You talk about changing these things in every other post you make on here. IF YOU REALLY WANTED TO ERADICATE THEM, you would have done so by now. Everyone talks, few people act.

When you truly eliminate these things from your life, you won't look back on them. You won't remember them. You won't feel tempted. Only then will you truly have conquered them.

lol thanks for the "advice"

 

[narcissist]

To do list

1] Get G2 - book road test

-call ministry of transportation tomorrow and book an appointment
-start practicing everyday

2] book guidance appointment and financial aid appointment

-for course selection
-financial deadlines

3] Pay tuition fees by july 1st and august first

4] create a summer savings plan that will allow me to save 2000$


Fitness

Moving my fitness journal sh1t here


Today: Biceps/Triceps

1] barbell curl - 70 lbs drop set to 50 lbs - 4 sets

2] skullcrushers - 70 lbs barbell - 4 sets

3] machine preacher curls - 85 lbs drop set to 55 lbs, then 45 lbs - 4 sets

4] behind head db tricep raise - 60 lbs - 3 sets

5] db curls - 40 lbs drop set to 30 lbs - 3 sets

6] tricep extensions - 110 lbs drop set to 70 lbs - 3 sets

7] barbell preacher curls - forgot the weight - 3 sets

8] machine dips - maxed out - 3 sets

9] regular dips - until failure

10] abs - 15 mins


Update on bad habits Im quiting

no coffee for 7 days

no alcohol for 7 days

no shisha for 7 days

no fast food for 7 days

no fap for 3 days

 

[narcissist]

Fitness:

Current weight - 163 lbs

Today: Chest and Shoulders/traps

1] chest press - 70 lbs dumbbells

2] incline bench press - 115 lbs - went lighter than usual today

3] military press - 135 lbs

4] shoulder press - 55 lbs dumbbells

5] chest flies (machine) - 185 lbs, drop set to 135 lbs - pushups to failure after each set

6] chest press machine - maxed

7] side lateral raises - 35 lb dumbells

8] barbell shoulder raise (dont know if thats what its called) - 90 lb barbell

9] circuit for traps

10] abs


Update on bad habits Im quiting

no coffee for 8 days

no alcohol for 8 days

no shisha for 8 days

no fast food for 8 days

no fap for 4 days


I feel so much better now that I am quiting coffee and alcohol and all that sh1t. I just feel more awake and more lively. The withdrawl symptoms for the coffee is gone. I feel fvcking fantastic.


Plates:

Lately Ive been focusing on myself and just not really down to game girls. At this point I find it a waste of my time and I would rather spend that time bettering myself relentlessly.

BUT I still have a couple plates obviously that I keep around for sex.

HbAAA is still around and I slept with her like 4 days ago. She lives pretty far so its harder to meet up with her on a regular basis.

I have also been talking to a couple girls at my gym and one of them lives close to me so I decided I am going to fvck her.

 

[narcissist]

Update on bad habits Im quiting

no coffee for 22 days

no alcohol for 22 days

no shisha for 22 days


FITNESS:

Current weight 166

I hurt my back doing deadlifts two days ago so I wont be going to the gym for another couple days, but my gym goals have been coming together very nicely. Im gaining good weight and by the end of the summer I should be where I want to be in terms of weight, power and aesthetics.


NO FAP:

I tried no fap about two weeks ago and got to day 8. It was an amazing feeling to say the least. I failed because I couldn't handle how horny I was. I felt like I was 15 again haha.

I am going to try it again. My gym improved from it, my confidence and boldness also improved from it, and I was making headway with a lot of girls. I also felt ALOT more awake by day 8. After I fapped, it all went away. I was less motivated to talk to girls, less motivated to get up and do things etc etc.

SO. I am going to give it another try.

My nofap goals are this: no fap, no porn, no orgasm for 90 days.

I am going to document how I feel every single day consistently.


SOCIAL:

I have recently in the past month found myself not being social at all. Ive been staying home way to often, staying on the computer just watching movies and sh1t and not really going out and ENJOYING my summer. Basically going out like once a week. SO. When my back starts feeling better, which it already is (so Id say a couple of days), I am going to get out there are start hanging out with my friends and girls.

I want to make it a goal to go out at least 3 times a week during the summer. To make it more fulfilling and exciting and create new experiences.

 

[narcissist]

Sunday, July 20th, 2014

I have not posted in 1 whole month. I have said in another thread that I will not continue pursuing women for a little bit. I still stand with that premonition. BUT I have decided to start posting in my journal again every single day because I realize now that it is a MASSIVE help in the pursuit of self improvement. Actually it is a NECESSITY. So from now on I will be posting in here every single day, tracking goal progress, discussing ideas and thoughts, lessons im learning about life, etc etc.

Another thing that I have been thinking about lately is that Im KINDA down for a girlfriend. Im thinking about going back into a monogamous relationship. But not until AT LEAST another 6 months of self progress goes by.

The main thing I want to talk about is that Ive realized a very important life lesson over the past 1-2 months. Namely, that being over-confident in the amount of self-improvement one has achieved can drive one to ease up on the intensity in which one self improves. Hopefully that makes sense. Basically, I have improved vastly since I came to this site. I finally hit 170 lbs - looking really jacked, Ive slept with a lot of women since my last girl friend, improved my grades vastly, and overall became a more confident well-rounded person. BUT I became over confident. Thinking that I would CONTINUE to improve. THIS LEAD to me easing up on my routine. NOT using the equation I was before. Namely, I stopped posting in my journal. I also stopped going out as much as I did before, and not reading as much.

The main thing this has lead to is a more negative outlook on life. I feel myself becoming more angry, and snappy towards my mom and the people I live with.

So even though Im rusty, and this post is propably all over the palce in terms of grammatical structure, Im going to start posting in here again every single day.

I need to track my feelings. I need to put my thoughts and emotions and rationalities on paper (figuratively speaking).

The cathartic nature of posting in a journal is endless.


Some things that I want to get back into.

1. I want to get back into reading. I need to train my mind to be able to read for a long time again seeing as I am going back to school in 6 weeks.

For this I will go out and get a book that is not to hard and read it front to back. Something that will interest me completely.

2. I really need to get back into meditating. I have found myself taking out my frustrations on my own mother. The transference of my anger and deep rooted frustrations should not be dumped on anyone. I need to meditate and chill out like I did before.

3. I need to go out at the very least 2 times a week. At the very least, twice a week is good considering I have 4-5 shifts of work per week, and I hit the gym 5-6 times a week. But I want to get back into the groove of socializing with people. outside of work and the gym.

4. I want to get back into the habit of keeping my room and house clean and spotless. I find that having a clean house is conducive to a good mindstate.


Some positive things that I want to mark down about my progress.

1. I have finally hit 170 lbs. Started gaining weight and hitting the gym at 119 lbs. So i have gained 51 lbs over 2 years.
I am looking pretty jacked and people compliment me and tell me Im looking very good. Getting ALOT of looks from the ladies

2. I just completed driving school and Im going to get my drivers licence in a couple of weeks.

3. I started a budget and savings plan that will eventually lead to 25k saved up by the time I am 25. Already have a decent amount of cash saved

4. I have not lost my skills with women. This is huge. Because for like 3-4 weeks I didnt really talk to women or use my skills. Up until i was in driving school and this really cute girl (hb8.5) was staring me down. So i went up on the last day and we went and got lunch together and she was SO receptive and all my DJ skills came back in an instant when I tried. So that Is great news. Bc I thought Id have to go back to square one.




SO. I am getting back into the habit and lifestyle of perpetual betterment, and have realize a main tenant: When you feel like you have improved ALOT that is NOT the time to ease up on the equation that got you there RATHER it is time to UP the intensity in which you put towards bettering yourself!!

 

[narcissist]

Oh, and as for coffee and alcohol and smoking shisha. I have completely eradicated those habits from my lifestyle.

Its been about 2.5 months (estimated) since I have had any of those things.

I feel amazing.

 

[JaegerPilot217]

its like having ambition is a masculine thing

 

[narcissist]

its like having ambition is a masculine thing

What do you mean? Could you elaborate?

 

[JaegerPilot217]

What do you mean? Could you elaborate?

well it's what I've noticed for a very long time now, that if a person lacks ambition, doesn't have a future or is just unsure, unclear about their future, it looks much worse in guys than it is in girls, if a guy lacks ambition, doesn't have any long-term goals, doesn't have a future or just unsure, unclear about their future, he is virtually taking himself out of the running in most women's eyes, meanwhile however, if a girl is like that, it's usually not a deal-breaker to the majority of guys.

 

[narcissist]

Well. Im back after having no internet for basically 3 weeks.

Ive been lurking the forums on my phone but I wasn't going to do a whole journal post on my little iphone. haha

I am unbelievably excited to go back to school in 3 weeks. I believe I have changed so much over the summer in a positive way that this next year is going to be my best year yet!

not only that but I am going to fvck so many girls this year.

My game has improved SO much since I came to this forum and especially over the summer.

I can thank all those tinder dates for that. hahaha.



Interesting story, and some lessons learned:

I got my license the other day too. So now I can drive by myself. While I was getting my license there was also two other girls waiting with me to get theirs as well. We had the same instructor from driving school, so we all got picked up by the instructor who was about 50 years old.

The first girl was extremely quiet and was not my type AT ALL in terms of looks, 3/10 in my opinion.

But the second girl was actually really adorable. And we hit it off INSTANTLY. I honestly feel like I could have fvcked her right then and there. Within 20 minutes I made her buy me a coffee and she was touching my hand (alot) and asking about my past relationsh*ts.

By 2 hours into waiting (yeah, we had to wait a long a** time to do our driving test) we were giving each other massages and touching each others legs hahaha. Her mom came to pick her up after and even she seemed to be into me.

Anyways, I DIDNT ask for her information. I did this for 2 reasons.

1) she was 17 (legal where I live) but too young for MY personal preference.

2) sometimes you got to be that mysterious guy that shared a fvcking awesome first encounter with LOADS of chemistry and then disappear. (complete and absolute OUTCOME INDEPENDENCE). I made it my goal when I first saw her that I wasn't going to ask for her number.

- this is so you enter the mindstate of BREAKING AWAY from the fray. NOT being PREDICTABLE. A normal afc would ask for her number and continue to talk and eventually it would end. Sure, Im not going to have sex with her. But that wasnt my goal. My goal was to be awesome as fvck WITHOUT trying to fvck her. That was my intitial goal. Leaving her wanting to fvck me, and then boom! I disappear. I believe this is a big big improvement for me, seeing as most of my encounters with women would be me trying to fvck them, or have that goal in mind, and they could smell it, they could feel it.

Being a DON JUAN is being able to make a girl want to FVCK YOU.

Sure its easy to have sex with a girl, but does she truly WANT IT? is her pvssy DRIPPING WET? This is the stage I want to get to. The only way to do this is to show a girl I can make her want me, and STILL be indifferent to her.

It was funny because when I hugged her goodbye she held me soooo tight, like I was someone she knew for years and someone she almost LOVED. After the hug she was looking at me like "ask for my number"

Such a good feeling. It's like Im beginning to control the outcome of these situations. And I think that is a very important factor in becoming a Don Juan.

ps, she failed her exam (I actually felt bad lol). I got 96/100 just fvcked up on a blind spot check or something like that.




I am also reading the 48 laws of power again before school starts. But Im reading it from a more objective point of view. When I first read the 48 laws when I was 17 I became extremely cynical and sociopathic. I shook that off after about a year and after my last relationship. I am a more genuine honest person now. And really truly do want to spread love and positivity around. So I am going to try and use the laws from that angle. I know, sort of a walking contradiction. But I think some of the laws are timeless. "Always say less then necessary" is brilliant. or "win through action, never through argument" also brilliant. I think touching up on the laws before school will be very helpful in how I act during my 3rd year. It will allow me to become popular within my class.

 

[apprenticedj]

Awesome post Narcissist! You're definitely headed in the right direction with that attitude. I would be willing to bet she'll be searching every corner of the social media sphere in an attempt to make contact with you. When she does you can be certain she'll be dripping wet!

When we can overcome outcome dependence we become truly free, living in the moment. Great stuff.

 

[Lotus Effect]

Incredible post man, really good sh*t indeed!

It is really good to see that you headed the best possible way you've could out of that past situation and is amazing to see what commitment to yourself and your goals can really do to a person!

It is something that take a while, to be outcome dependent, but when you become, it is trully a piece of art.

Also, its good to read something positive in this site! Cheers, and repped!

 

[narcissist]

Thanks to lotus effect and apprenticedj for the kind words & support. You guys are awesome!


Todays update:

Well I will be going back to school in about 2 weeks. This summer has been completely uplifting. But now that the summer is coming to an end, I want to do a couple of things. The first being, a summarization and contemplation of the progress of my goals I set at the beginning of summer. And then I want to reorganize my goals for the next chapter of this year: "First semester goals"

A reflection of my summer goals:

So these were the goals that I stated I wanted to achieve by the end of august. I will give a full account of whether I achieved or failed at these specific goals. I will not lie, and I will be COMPLETELY honest.

My Summer Goals & a review of them.

1] Gain 10 pounds of muscle by the end of August

At the beginning of summer I believe I weighed around 155-156 lbs. After 4 months of working out and bulking I have reached a total weight of 171 lbs. This was my main goal, and I achieved it PLUS more. I have increased my strength as well and have increased the weight on all of my major exercises. Unfortunately, I injured my lower back in the month of June and had to stop doing squats and deadlifts, BUT I have started doing them again and plan on getting proficient at those exercises in due time.

2] Save 1000$

This goal was not met. I had overage fees for my tuition from last year because I was an complete idiot and spent around 700$ of my loan on clothes and a new laptop. So I had around 900$ of fees that had to be paid off this summer in order for me to register for this year at university. Thankfully, I paid it off in full from working part-time. Still that should be no excuse. I get around 480$ a month from my father for child support and I still have nothing to show for it. This is most definitely my GREATEST weakness, my most dire fault. Im HORRIBLE with money. Absolutely garbage at saving and keeping track of my cash. It unfortunate because my dad has to continue paying me 500$ a month for the next 4 years. That adds up to something like 20 grand. I MUST learn how to save. I MUST learn proper money handling skills or I will never have the monetary freedom I desire.

3] Read 20 books

I also did not meet this goal. I am completely disappointed in myself for not taking the time to complete the books that I started. I think I read a grand total of like 4 or 5 books this summer. Right now I am currently re-reading the 48 laws of power. I will make it an end of summer goal to read that book.

4] Meditate everyday

Obviously I did not meditate EVERY day. But usually in the shower, I will sit down and close my eyes and let the water fall on me and I will contemplate about my life and my goals and meditate like that for like 10 mins. It has actually helped me vastly, but I want to be able to do it out side of the shower for at least ten minutes everyday. I believe that it would be a significant factor that would change my life for the better if I implemented such a routine. But unfortunately I cant say that I achieved this goal either.

5] Drink only water

Clearly not. But I quit coffee and alcohol. Coffee especially, was a huge detriment to my life. I was spending way to much money on it and it was making me break out with acne. Since Ive quit coffee I haven't had any acne AT ALL. My skin has cleared up and I feel great because I don't need to have a coffee to be productive.

6] Keep up with personal and environmental hygiene

For the most part I achieved this goal. Well everyday since I was like 13 Ive showered lol. If i don't shower I feel like a scrub. But prior to this summer I would sometimes go to be without brushing my teeth and washing my face, which is kind of disgusting. This summer I have changed this around completely. I have started to take extra care of my teeth and my facial hygiene and the benefits are vast. I no longer have any acne (It was even that bad before, but still annoying), and my teeth are sparkling white. I look very good, and have had many compliments for many women.

As for environmental hygiene, I have kept my room and house noticeably clean for the majority of the summer.

7] Implement proper sleeping habits

not at all.

8] Sleep with 5 more girls

I have slept with 3 girls over the summer



Reflection:

Now that I have actually looked over my goals and have accomplished 3/8 of them, I am sort of distraught and disappointed. I have failed. I had so many high hopes for the summer and looking over my failures is discouraging.

But I wont beat my self up over it because if I look at the long run I have completely altered my life for the better. In fact anyone whose sees me now looks up to me. Its on my own personal introspection that looks at my progression as somewhat pathetic. Nonetheless most people would say my progression is remarkable.

As it says in the 48 laws of power I must be like Janus the double faced roman deity and look both towards the future and the past.

The past must be looked at to learn from my prior mistakes, but not to dwell over them, otherwise I would occupy a melancholic self-pity, which is neither attractive nor fruitful. I must look at the trials and tribulations of this past summer and my failed goals and learn not to make those same mistakes. But I also have to accept the failure as an experience and make it a fruitful one BY learning from it.

I must now look towards the future and reorganize new goals and aspirations and continue on my path of self improvement. I cannot and will not waver. A constant stream of goals and successes accumulated over time makes a big difference, so even though I failed 5/8 of my goals I achieved 3 of them. Those 3 make a difference, and a noticeable one at that. The trick is to increase the amount of achieved ones in comparison to the failed ones.




The next chapter of 2014.

Now that I have reflected. It is time to move on. Move on to newer and better things. I cannot fall privy to stasis. Whats done is done and my contemplation of summer is over. Its time to evolve.

For these goals, I want to be ambitious BUT I also want to be realistic. I could be over ambitious and anything that comes close to the goal is still good, an example of that would be strive for a billion$ and you'll get a million for sure. But that is still failure in my books. I would rather be a little under ambitious i my goals and over achieve them.

Goals for the next chapter of 2014: August 20 - December 31

1) Get a 3.5 sessional GPA

2) Reach 175 lbs overall weight while losing an additional 2% of bodyfat

3) Increase my extroversion and positivity

4) Read 5 books, and write 5 posts for new blog

5) Stretch everyday to increase overall flexibility

6) Meditate for 10 minutes everyday

7) Save $1000

8) Cut internet use to 1 hour daily

9) Write in journal everyday



Okay so there are my goals. I decided to do 9. Once again I will write in my journal everyday in order to document my progress. I believe this is what helped me achieve so many of my goals earlier in the year.

So I have already gone over my 1 hour of internet usage today so I will close my computer and not open it until tomorrow.

I am going to workout legs today, but before I work out my legs Im going to meditate and read the 48 laws of power.

I am so serious about achieving these goals. I know for a fact that this is going to be an uplifting 4 months!!!

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

TMK says the SoSuave crew must always take time to read narcissist's relentless journal.

Much kudos for your accomplishments and disregard any 'failure'. You limited yourself to a finite time variable; you achieved 3/8 and the other 5/8 remain to be achieved. Other than simply being, is there any other meaning to life than the pursuit of personal progress?

As Confucius says, 'By three methods we may learn wisdom: First, by reflection, which is noblest; Second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience, which is the bitterest.'


Do not be disheartened, friend. You are and inspiration. And noble upon your reflection.

NB. I have the exact same issue with finance. I have realised it's not about simply earning (more), the major causative factor is management. Which I something I have to start engaging with next payday.