My relentless journal for 2014

[narcissist]

Thursday, August 21, 2014

Firstly I would like to personally thank TMK for his words of encouragement! i appreciate it a lot brother. And seeing as you have problems with finance as well you must know how difficult it is to eradicate bad money habits. When I get my check from work Its almost gone within the first 2-3 days. No money saved at all. Its absolutely horrible haha. But Im only 21 and now is the absolute best time to change my money habits. Im thinking of starting out small. Only putting around 25% of my paycheck into savings. And then every month after increase by 5% until i reach 60-70%. I need to learn to live on NOTHING. Minimalism. Zen doctrine of simplistic living. Live on scraps. Only the bare necessities. I cannot be bound by materialistic dribble. The things I own do not define me. That is a HUGE thing I must come to realize. And thus it will allow me to spend way less and save the majority of my cash flow.

If you have any tips, please feel free to tell me. Anything to get me started on rewriting the financial coding in my brain.


Todays post is going to be on how to actually ACCOMPLISH goals that one sets out to do.

I have just spent around 45 mins reading articles on how to do JUST that, and have come to what i believe is a coherent plan to achieve goals that one has set out to accomplish.

here are some of the sites I looked at for inspiration and guidance:

http://www.wikihow.com/Accomplish-a-Goal

http://www.forbes.com/sites/glassheel/2013/03/14/6-ways-to-achieve-any-goal/


But this one was the most helpful:

http://humanresources.about.com/od/strategicplanning1/a/goal_setting.htm

The steps this author gives makes the most sense and keeps it simple and straight to the point. So I will be using mostly her steps to achieve my goals. I figure that if I am going to be serious about goal setting and goal achieving, it might be prudent to actually try some different approaches to accomplishing my set goals.



5 STEP PLAN TO ACCOMPLISHING SET GOALS


1) You need to deeply desire the goal or resolution

This is such an important factor in whether one will accomplish theirs goals and aspirations or whether they will fail miserably. In setting goals one has to deeply desire to reach that point when the goal is accomplished.

Do I deeply desire to have a superbly aesthetic physique? Absolutely.

Do I deeply desire to be financially free and have a stable financial mindstate? fvck yes.

Do I deeply desire to master the art of meditation in order to be calm and collected in all situations through out life? 100%

Do I deeply desire to read a plethora of books and novels to increase my intellectual capacity? More than anything.

I do not deeply desire the process but rather deeply desire the archetypal person I see in my mind as myself in 5-10 years. I have accomplish goals before and absolutely nothing feels greater than having your perseverance push you to heights you've never been before.

Its arguable that my deepest desire is to reach a point where My future self is actually indistinguishable from what I perceive as my archetypal self right now in my mind. Nothing, especially not women, can be more desirable than that.


2) Visualize yourself achieving the goal

This I also believe is a huge factor to whether one achieves or fails.

This is why I believe meditation is such a huge benefits to people. It is a time of recluse reflection. This is the time where I will visualize how different my life will be impacted by both spectrums of inevitability. Either I will fail or I will achieve. During meditation I like to visualize both lives, and how both lives are impacted by the outcome of my goals. Do I want to be someone who Is utterly destined for failure or do I want to be someone of greatness who goes out and makes his goals reality.

I believe that visualization is the heart of motivation.


3) Make a plan for the path you need to follow to accomplish the goal.

Leaving the abstract ideas behind for a second, in order to really achieve what you set out to achieve you have to have a concrete rational path to accomplish your set goals.

a. setting a deadline

One of the most important things to have for goals is a set deadline. A date when you plan on reaching the achievement of what you planned.

My deadline is december 31.

b. breaking it down in chunks

going beyond the deadline, one must break their goals into littler chunks in order to see progress. Ultimately this will generate internal motivation and increase ones perseverance.

c. Write down your goals and create the action plan.

This is the final step in you path. Write down all the goals you have decided to accomplish and create the action plan that it requires.


4) Establish times for checking your progress in your calendar system

This is not to become stagnate from your PROGRESS, but to look over your LACK OF PROGRESS. The author states that we should adopt a PESSIMISTS point of view. Look at every single thing we are doing wrong on these established times for progress checking and finetune the path accordingly.


5) Be positive.

One can adopt a pessimistic point of view on ones overall actions WHILE still being positive. This pessimistic point of view is not used to bring you down but to fine tune your path.

Positivity will allow you to be critical of your progress and not falter because of your failures.

It is of the utmost importance to stay positive through the whole process. For whats the point of achieving goals if it isn;t making you happy and life fulfilled? The process is supposed to overtime bring overall joy to your life. After all, you are moulding yourself into the person you want to become. It should be the most pleasurable thing in your life.



Perseverance

"Nothing in the world can take the place of Persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan 'Press On' has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race." - Calvin Coolidge


It is true that perseverance will out trump anything. those who persevere are those who accomplish what they want. It is the one thing that I will achieve. I will become a person who perseveres through every single thing i set my mind to. I truly believe that it is NOT an innate trait. People aren't born with the natural ability to persevere. It is an ACQUIRED trait. One that we can ALL adopt. I say that no matter what life fvcking throws at you, get up, and fvcking truck through it. Let life be complicated because we all know that with perseverance we can truck through anything and achieve what we set out to fvcking achieve.

The most fruitful thing any of us can do is to relentlessly tackle our goals and dreams. Enough with the pursuing of women. Its time we stand up and make our life fvcking PHENOMENAL. Its up to us though. Only we can make our own lives bliss.

Peace.

 

[narcissist]

So tomorrow is the first day back to University!

I am excited, nervous, intrigued, anxious, overwhelmed, but mainly ready and determined.

No doubt that going back to school is a tough thing for some people.

I know over the summer I have changed drastically and that I will impress a great deal of people with my positive improvement, but it strikes me hard in the gut that I will have to get back into the groove of being overly confidant and outgoing.

No doubt I have been in this situation before, where I have to reignite my inner confidence and eradicate my natural bashful inclination. It is nothing I haven't accomplished before, and I plan to reignite it within the first 1-2 weeks at the very most.

I am actually extremely excited to get back into the scholar mindstate. I love school and it is an amazing experience. The setting at my university is extremely conducive to my intellectual hunger, and feeds it graciously.

I want to focus on 3 things while I am in school. My goals from the previous post will be used to work at the 3 ultimate focal points, as they are all related in some way.

By the way, these ARE in order of importance.


1) Focal point #1 - Education

I want to literally be a nerd this year at school. I want to fall in love with all of my classes and get the best education I can out of each and every word that I read or hear.

This is not only to get good grades which will be necessary for my graduate studies but because I am in the ultimate place and opportunity to expand my knowledge and intellect to places beyond the average. No doubt, I have reaped a great deal of benefits just from 2 YEARS of university.

So I really want to focus hard on becoming a more intelligent well-knowledged human being. I find that intellectuality is my forte. I love learning. Nothing surpasses that passion in me.

I will study like a mad man, reading all of the assigned readings, once over. And I will make unbeatable notes. I will also seek guidance on subjects that are not my strong suit. Furthermore, I will go to ever single lecture. Rain or shine, sick of well, nourished or malnourished. There is no excuse.

2) Focal Point #2 - Fitness

This is my second focal point. Obviously this will be an ongoing indefinite focal point from here on out for the rest of my living life. I love fitness and I love surpassing barriers and plateaus. Pushing extra weight in the gym or struggling to get that last rep is what I fvcking live for. :box:

So obviously I will continue with this. Ill be continuing from the summer break. The only this I need to do for this is come up with a plan that will not interfere with Focal point #1. So I will have to come up with a 4 day weight lifting plan with 2 extra cardio days. Ill be going to the gym at my school I believe around twice a week, because I have around a 4 hour gap in between a couple of my classes and it would be a perfect time to hit the weights and kill some hours before class. Not only that but I can make some more friends and broaden my social circle.

This leads me to my last Focal point.

3) Focal Point #3 - Social

This is my final focal point. I must say that if at any point it comes in between the first two focuses, I will not have it. I will always choose 1 and 2 over 3. So this is going to be done strategically. I need to have a good appearance that make people interested IN ME, so they come to me instead of the other way around. BUT that will not stop me from approaching. I will continue to be an approach machine and tackle my inner bashfulness. Im just saying I want my appearance and reputation to speak loudly. I already do that with my sleek style. I am pretty fit, and dress very nicely. I still want to increase my wardrobe over the next couple months to continue adding to my appearance. So that is something I will focus on.

But that is just appearance and that only goes so far. My main task for this focal point is to channel my inner boss and increase my overall extroversion. Have no shame. I was on the path to accomplishing this, building an unhealthy amount of confidence that just exuded all the right things. But there were still some flaws that I had to fine tune and over the summer, being somewhat of a recluse for a month I lost some of that extroversion I worked so hard to achieve. But its not a big deal. I believe I can easily get it back and I still exhibit strong traits of an outgoing man.

So first order of business is to channel that inner confidence I had at the end of last april. 1-2 weeks tops.

Secondly, build on that and develop an extroversion that only naturals seem to display. I want people to see me as an extrovert, ever though I am an introvert. Not because I care so much what people think, rather I want to overcome a barrier that is inherent in myself. Its a goal that I think would make me a more accomplished human in my own eyes.

Thirdly, fine tune the rough edges. Be able to see myself in action. While I am literally in the act of socializing, see my own progress and be able to be fully in the moment unadulterated.

That is my dream. To be an unadulterated boss. :yes:


So those are my focal points.

Oh and I cannot fall privy to coffee addiction again. THAT is going to be harder than anything.

I have thankfully over the summer kicked the habit. But its so hard when literally an infinite coffee source is right outside all of my lecture halls. Will power, its all about the will power.

Alright, I will chime in tomorrow with a journal entry talking about my first day. There is definitely going to be more journal entries to come, now that I have more interesting stuff going on in my life!

Peace out brothers!

 

[narcissist]

Reigniting My Journal: Day 1

Reigniting My Journal: Day 1



Alright boys, Im back.

I will be on Sosuave for TWO REASONS. And two reasons only.

1) To write in my journal every single day.

2) To read the DJ bible.

I am going to make it habitual that i write in my journal every single day because it has been one of the most uplifting and positive things I have done in my life. I love it, and I truly do believe that it is THE most beneficial thing humans can do.

First and foremost, I have to say that school is actually really good. I am doing very good in all of my classes and I am making a lot of new friends.

I have noticed myself being frivolous with how I act towards girls. I have become so ****y that I am actually making blunders when it comes to having sex with them. Which seems opposite of what should be happening. Girls when I first meet them are very put on by my confidence and my personality and the fact that i am not nervous in front of them at all. Normally this leads to them asking for my number or the other way around and all is well. ButI think they can smell the desperation on me when I start asking for meet ups, because I haven't had sex in 3 months. I am making terrible blunders by replying too quickly, using too many smiley faces, and am just seeing my inner AFC come back out a little bit. It is something that I have noticed.

For example. This girl at my school, we'll call her HB-Anna. Well hb-anna was definitely into me the first time we chilled. I was exceedingly confident, she was recpetive, she was even kino-ing me and we were making plans to chill and make pasta together. You know, good old ****y-funny routine. And it was all good. But Ive become lazy in the seduction process, because she texts me about a week later and says "hey you should come over sometime"

I say "okay, how does tuesday sound? Ill teach you how to be a chef, and we'll study together :]'

she say "sounds good "

Tuesday comes around and i dont hear anything from her

tuesday night i send her "hey I cant come over tonight, i dont have the car"

she says "thats okay i understand" - about 3 hours later

AFC moment -> i insta text her "I have the car tomorrow if your down "

She doesnt reply.


Now, Ive grown thick skin over the years. So I dont really give a sh*t to be completely honest. I just want some vag.

Another girl Ive been talking to, the same sort of sh*t happens. She is attracted to my initial impression, but after texting and planning a meet up, it dies down. I seriously think it is because i come across as AFC over text. This sh*t NEVER happens in person. In person I am always on fire. Girls are always attracted to me in person. But when Im setting up the meet up I think my AFC comes through. Im just not good at texting. AT ALL.

And to top it off I think they can sense the fact that Im dying for some vagina right now. lmfao.

And its not just those two girls. Its been about 5 of them. yikes!

I believe the problems underlying this little draught are as follows

1. I have not been keeping up with my seduction skills and progression.

i.e. reading the DJ bible, writing in my journal, being conscientious of my actions, asking essential questions. etc. etc.

2. I have become lazy and too confident in my skills.

I am no where close to a Don Juan. Sure Ive slept with plenty of women, but for one, they are mostly 7/10s and secondly they aren't consistent fvck buddies, they are 2-3 time fvcks and that it. Id rather have 2-3 girls that i can consistently sleep with. Becoming to confident in my skills has made me frivolous with my actions and has actually been detrimental. DJism is a skill that needs to constantly be tended too.

3. My AFC still exists. Its very very very small part of me but I have not completely eradicated it yet..




So I will document everything.



Girls that I am talking to at the moment

[HB-1] 7.5/10

Cute brunette. 5'4ish. White. 20 years old

She sent me a snap chat a couple hours ago in a sports bra captioned "I am in love with my new sports bra"

I message back: "I like it too. As long as i can take it off and throw you on the bed"

she says: "hmmmm, we'll see about that" (sh*t test)

I say: "You're right. You'd have to get me in the mood. Good thinking"

she says: "oh as ****y as always"

I say: "study with me next week"

she says: "tell when you want to and Ill think consider it"

I say: "cute. Trying to be as ****y as me"

she says: (some emoticon)

I say: "I know exactly what type of girl you are"

She says: "Oh yeah? and what type would that be?"

I dont reply. And I wont.

I was supposed to meet up with her last week to fvck but she claimed she was "sick".. yeah yeah.

This one is a little more unpredictable. She flops on s3x but send me pictures in her bra, and then still doesnt set a meet up, even though she asked for the meet up for s3x last week. Im not going to ask her again for a meet up. She either asks me or she'll be cut. Im done asking more than once.


[HB-anna] 7.5/10

brunette, 5'6, hungarian, 19 years old

This is the girl that didnt reply. But when I see her in person she is all over me and she was the one to intiate chilling last week as well. I will see how it goes with this one. I still think there is potential.

[HB-A] 7/10

brunette, 5'4ish, egyptian?? 20 years old

This girl is in my stats class and we are going to be studying together this week, Im not sure if she interested in me, but Im just going to assume she is, because its better to assume a girl is interested in you then to mull over whether she is or isnt. Worst comes to worst you find out she doesnt like you. Which isnt a big deal at all.


So far that is it. Ive had a couple other girls interested in me, but I didn't really wanna pursue them. Ive become more picky since Ive been back at school. So any girl under 7 is a no go.


Other then that everything else is good.

Ive developed tenosynovitis in my wrist so i physically cannot lift weights. The doc told me I have to ice my hand three times a day and take anti inflammatory but its not working very well. I dont want to do cardio because I dont want to lose the weight that i gained but I also dont really want to sit on my a$$ and do nothing. So Im going to have to think of something.

Also I have started drinking coffee again, and Its gotten pretty bad, like 3-4 cups a day! So after my mid term on monday Im going to quit.


Anyways! everyday I will write in this journal! Time to get back on the wagon of perpetual betterment!!!!

Peace!

 

[narcissist]

Day 2

Day 2



Yo whats going on guys?!

Todays post is going to be very short. I have a midterm on monday that i have to study for so I don't want to spend to much time on here today.

First thing is first, in my journal I am going to be absolutely HONEST. I want to give the full scoop of who i am in order for me to fully benefit from my journal. I will not lie. Because if I do I will only be lying to myself. By being completely and utterly honest I will be able to grow as a person in a positive way, and become the human being that I so badly want to become. It is necessary that I leave NOTHING out.

So this leads to me this next point (which is embarrassing to say because i know its a sh*tty trait of mine, but I have to get it out there in order to eradicate it, once and for all)

I just want to discuss a main issue that ive had as of just recently.

I cannot put a "zip" on it. I cant keep my mouth shut when I need too. And I speak my opinions too brazenly. This is not a sign of a Don Juan. A DJ can control his emotions and be able to hold his opinion in if so need be.

For example. I constantly argue my mother about religion/god. Non stop. Not only that, but I give her advice, my own opinions and how i think she should be living life. This is NOT the type of person I want to be. I want to be able to hold my opinions in until people come to me and ask me, and even then be constrained to a certain degree. Ive noticed that I sort of give my opinions and advice without even being asked. I assume people want to hear them. This is absolutely DETRIMENTAL.

Beyond that, I am VERY opinionated and I have a hard time respecting other peoples opinions if they conflict with my own. I will bring up evidence and supporting premises to back my conclusion logically and with reason just so they can see the faults in their opinions. (once again, this is mainly with my mom). But this is pointless for two reasons. 1) because Im pretty much not changing their opinion or belief complex, rather I'm probably making them believe their own opinions that much more. 2) it makes me look like an irritating fvck. hahaha. This to me is unacceptable.

I need to learn how to let other people have opinions without me ramming my own opinions down their throat.

Its hard because I am very philosophically minded and have strong opinions about a lot of things. My mantra is always "question everything."

Can any of you guys gives me some advice on how to not let my opinions and beliefs get the best of me to the point where i become an annoying little brat?

Im 21 and i need to learn how to not be so immature.

This is the plan i think would be best for me to take.

1) start up a blog

- this is so i can write my thoughts down
- write all of my philosophical opinions and beliefs down
- this will be cathartic way to release these ideas without forcefully putting them on others.

2) I need to start meditating again.

- This was vastly helpful and made me a more calm and chill person.
- I need to utilize this so that i can be more in the moment and when i decide to go give my unasked opinions to my mom or whomever, i will stop in my tracks and not do it.

3) Every time i go on a tangent to someone about one of my beliefs that they didnt ask for I will come here and write it down.

- This is so i can see how much i do it and it will give me a good perspective.
- it will also solidify the fact that i don't want to do it
- and coming here and writing it down will operantly condition me to stop


So far today i have not given anyone my opinions. Which is good. I want my opinions to be valued, I want my opinions to be cherished. The less i give opinions the more valued they will be. But if i just frivolously offer them to everyone, they will be discarded. Basic supply and demand!

Peace!

 

[jurry]

Good to hear from you narcissist, always some of my favorite posts. I definitely know what youre talking about with the having to be right and pushing your opinions and ideas on other people. Great indicator of a strong ego just dying for release! I think the best thing you can do is just be aware of it like you are. Gradually the urge will die down as you stop indulging it. Our thoughts and desires are only as strong as we let them be.

Check out the Tao Te Ching and the power of now if you havent already

 

[narcissist]

Cathartic Writing: The deplorable and admirable dichotomies of personality traits

It has been too long.

I miss writing in this journal everyday. I cant even say how much improvement I have attained through writing in here.

It is time that I get back on the wagon of writing in this journal. The cathartic therapy in offers me to just spew out my thoughts everyday on paper (internet) is infinitely helpful to my overall well being.

Where to begin.

Well, I guess the first thing I want to talk about is my overall personality. There are many things that I would like to alter, or tweak in the way I act that I believe would make me a more well rounded person. Not only that but the tweaking of the idiosyncrasies and mannerisms that I have accumulated over the years will make me a more beloved person (clearly an important thing for me cough cough narcissism)

Its almost paradoxical. I want to tweak my personality so I get a constant flow of positive attention from others, but I also want to reach a point of personal enlightenment where the opinions of others do not matter to me. Ultimately, that is the sort of paradoxical system that I want to have set up. Maybe I have to tweak my personality to the point where people give me positive feedback until it becomes a subconscious entity and then mould the ability to have a non affect towards the opinions of others.

Well, here are some of the personality traits that I want to fine tune. First I will give a list of the personality traits that I would like to eradicate from my overall person right now. And then I will give a comprehensive list of the traits the I want my prototypical future self to embody.

Personality traits that I will aim at eradicating:

1) Anger/Quick-tempered - this is a big one with many different sub traits that go along with it. I tend to get angry at certain things. Certain particulars really seem to set my off. Some of these things are when peoples beliefs coincide with mine, when people do irrational things that defy certain logical laws (law of non contradiction) lol I know Im ridiculous, but most importantly when people dont give me attention. Now I actually have a pretty good chill button. I usually never lash out, and in fact only really get upset with like my parents. But thats the issue. I believe that I build up all this anger that I accumulate throughout my daily life and release it all on my parents at home. Its like some sort of social adaptation Ive developed. I guess its good in a certain sense that I never ever lose my cool outside of my house BUT its clearly maladaptive and unhealthy to be lashing out at my mom when she does something illogical.

This is a very important trait that I would like to eradicate absolutely. In order to do this I plan on meditation and taking daily walks to clear my mind. I find these to be vastly helpful. For instance, today I took a nice calm walk and I just felt f*cking so refreshed and amazing. I literally felt like nothing could upset me. And thats exactly what happened, because when I got home my mom who is usually quite the maladaptive person herself, was very snappy and I legit just laughed it off. Such a good feeling to be in control of my emotive self. It was epiphanic.

2) Dogmatic - This characteristic of mine is becoming increasingly more prominent the more educated I become and the more knowledge I acquire, via university and my own independent studies. I am very adamant and dogmatic over Philosophy (ancient greek philosophers/existentialism/ethics), my almost extremist anti-belief in religion, my sociological and political ideologies etc. etc. etc. This is clearly not a good trait to have lol. It is known that people who are aggressive with their belief propagation are not liked very much. There are a couple things that I must realize when it comes to the propagation of beliefs. 1) The vast majority of people don't give a flying sh*t about what I think even if it is meritorious. People are self-centred and also extremely dogmatic in their belief system. 2) Even if I try to propagate my belief system onto other people they will still retain their own because of how powerful dogmatism is. 3) Its absolutely not worth it to brazenly hand out my opinion when not asked for.

So I will make it a new Dogma (lol) to not propagate my opinions, beliefs, and advice unless asked for and even then my reluctance will be profound. Its just not worth it to hand out my belief systems so frivolously. There is a good time to talk about belief systems and a bad time. The majority of the time people get increasingly annoyed if you discuss paradigmatic ideas too much. I need to keep this in mind. It is an important life tenant.

3) Boastful/arrogant - Now there is a difference between embodying a ****y and funny attitude and straight up boastful and arrogant one. I have unfortunately developed a merging between the two. I would say the majority of the time I embody C&F but there are times when that turns into an arrogant boastful stance. There is this one girl especially to whom I am arrogant and boastful too, and it is probably because she is extremely insecure. Its not a good look for me.

At the end of the day I want to embody C&F but I also want to be a cool f*cking dude. I want people to like me and I want to be kind and caring as well to the humans I interact with on the regular. I know in my personal experience I abhorrently despise people who are arrogant and boastful. Well, what a hypocrite I am haha. So my goal is to lighten up a bit on the C&F because it has unfortunately developed into a mild arrogance and boastful pretentiousness. I will be more kind and caring BUT obviously throw in a bit of the good old charming/****y/funny because i feel like people are still drawn to that naturally. Only if it is at the healthy level though.


All in all, I would very much like to alter my quick-tempered, dogmatic and arrogant characteristics, because I have noticed that they are becoming increasingly apparent. Me being a person who wants to chase enlightenment and self actualization, needs these moments of serious introspection if I am to really cause any personality change and grow from my mistakes.

I admit my immaturity. I admit my imperfections. Its all about admittance, and needed growth from that point.

Personality traits that I will aim at embodying:

1) Pleasant Indifference - This I sort of define as being the ultimate chilled person but pleasantly chilled. Almost like I have no worry in the world. I want to give off the vibe that I am perfectly content and easy going. Not only that, but its unshakable. This is where the indifference comes in. I want to give off an impression that nothing can rattle my pleasant existence because I am utterly indifferent to worldly outcomes. A more or less lack of taking things seriously. This I mean in terms of social interactions, other peoples opinions, petty matters and what not. Internally, I will still be rigorously attaining my true potential and chasing the heights that I see myself attaining through relentlessly pursuing education, self betterment, physical impeccability, intellectuality etc. Because I have already embodied absolute ambitiousness But I will remain pleasantly indifferent. lol you know? Hard to explain really.

2) Frugality - defined as being economical with ones resources. This trait I have always found to be very enticing. I look up to people who are like this because they have a lot of self control. It is a very admirable characteristic that to me is a rarity. I barely ever see someone with this ability. Its almost an anomaly. Everyone I know is frivolous with their own resources.

I want to embody this trait. I would very much like to be able to save up most of my money without spending and endless phalanx of resources on consumerist urges. I spend way to much money clothing, food and coffee... well thats about it. lol But the accumulation of such goods adds up to a large amount of dough. I mean I have calculated the amount of money that I have frivolously disembarked and it is overwhelming to say the very least. Trust me.

I would very much like to save my money and buy a car next summer, so I not only ought to embody this trait, its very much obligatory that I do so.

finally,

 

[narcissist]

...*CONTINUED*...



3) Self-Control - I want utter autonomy and totality of control over my flesh vehicle. Me - my logical and rational self. Over the years I have been having an ongoing dispute between logicality and emotionality. Its completely draining. Overall my logical side usually is victorious but the emotional side of me still wins its battles every so often. Maybe this is too arduous a task for a human. Is it even possible to be spock-like? I think that I have to come to terms with the fact that there will always be undertones of emotionality behind my being but the point is to chase a point where logicality and rationality overarch emotionality to such a degree that I have complete autonomous control over my actions.

It is a dream of mine to be able to have high standards and not allow my d*ck to call the shots. To many times has it been the case where I havent had s3x in a couple weeks and I sleep with an hb6. I would love it if i could reach a point where a couple of weeks is nothing. Where I could even go my whole life without s3x if it meant not sleeping with an hb6. Too many times has it been the case where I have let other peoples opinions get the better of my rational being, in which my emotions force me to spew out arguments to discredit their belief systems. With self control I hope to be able to take scenarios like the ones above and many others, and be able to trust myself that I will not fall privy to emotional processes and do something that I know for a fact I will regret.

This is the goal for the next couple months. Embodying all three of these above traits.


Well that is all I have for you guys tonight. I felt like writing a sh*t load tonight. I don't know it just spewed out of me. I apologize if its a maelstrom of nonsensical f*ckery. But wow I feel unreal right now. I knew that writing in my journal was a good idea.

I think I will try to write in it every night, but it may be the case where I am busy with school or other sh*t and dont have the time. In that case it will be every other night or every three nights. But the overarching goal is that I write in this journal at least 3 times a week.

I will come back tomorrow with a full rundown of the girls that I am talking to at the moment. Unfortunately I sort of have a case of oneitis and am reading on ways to diminish these feelings to a more manageable degree.

Goodnight bros!

 

[narcissist]

It has been an extremely long time since I have posted in this journal.

I did start another journal but unfortunately it didn't go as planned.

I will just stick to this journal!

For today's journal entry I am going to narrow in on my goals and come up with three goals that I want to get started on for the next three months.

I am constantly asking myself what path is it, that I can take that will bring me to heights I have never been before? I believe that it is setting goals that are CHALLENGING, difficult. Well, with that in mind lets begin.

Goal #1 - Get a 4.0 GPA (above 85%) for this semester at university

So far, in this semester I have not received a grade under 85%, which I really good. But I feel like I can do better. I am majoring in psychology and philosophy and want to eventually get accepted into a masters program and go for my PsyD for psychology. So I really have to buckle down and continue achieving high grades.

Not only that but I want to start going into extracurricular activities in order to be a more attractive candidate for masters programs. So for that I will be looking into joining a club of some sort.

Goal #2 - Get back into the gym 4 days a week and being a stretch routine.

Back in October I suffered an injury that put me out of the gym for 6 months. I had to go to physiotherapy and am still in it for a couple more sessions. Unfortunately I lost a lot of the gains that I made with me not being able to go to the gym. But I am not discouraged. I know my personality type. I am ambitious and the second that I am 100% I will be back in the gym doing upper body. Fortunately I CAN work out lower body and abs. So I want to go to the gym 4 days a week to stay fit. I will work out legs twice a week, cardio twice a week, and abs twice a week.

Furthermore, I will start a stretch routine to increase my flexibility so that when I am back in the gym 100%, an increased flexibility will prevent future injuries from occurring!

If I am going to go back to the gym I want to start eating more healthy which means ABSOLUTELY NO fast food. luckily for me my metabolism is very efficient and I have no incurred any fat gains on my time off, I merely lost a bit of muscle mass. But that does not mean that eating fast food is okay. So I will be giving up fast food, and coffee.

Goal #3 - Enrol in piano lessons

This is something I have always wanted to perfect. There is something beautiful about the piano, and anyone that can play it seem larger than life. I believe that taking piano lessons now would only benefit me in the long run. I will call today to find out how much piano lessons cost and I am also looking into buying a keyboard for my house.




In an effort to keep it simple, I am only going to set 3 goals for now. Today I will be going to the gym, calling to determine the price of piano lessons, and then study for one of my midterm's coming up. I will post in this journal later tonight for an update.

Have a fantastic fvcking day!

 

[narcissist]

2015 revival: day 2

Today was a day filled with serious studying. I spent probably a good 8 hours today studying hardcore for my midterm coming up this week. It was definitely a lot of work but the material that I am studying is extremely fascinating so it doesn't even feel like "work" to be completely honest.

Some things that I regret doing today are eating an ice cream sunday from Dairy Queen, and also i got a little frustrated at one of my family members today and let my emotional side of me out, but the good thing is that immediately after I did it I regretted it and made myself repeat in my head 10 times that it is not a good thing to lash out at people and that the next time i am in the position to do such a thing I will stop myself. To be completely honest it is hard living with this particular family member but I am becoming more self-sufficient and independent and I am making it easier for myself. One thing that I am going to start doing is taking time out of my day to de-stress. I am going to follow what RSDtyler recommends and meditate for 15 minutes everyday. Its simple and easy, but the effects are profound.

One thing that I did today that I am proud of it I got up early. I got up at 9 in the morning, which is not usually the course of action I take on a sunday. I am a heavy sleeper and love to sleep in. For me, it is possible to sleep in until 4-5 in the afternoon. I am trying to become more structured with my life and as such can no longer sleep in past 9 in the morning.

Here is the game plan for tomorrow:

I am waking up at 7 in the morning - I have three alarms set and to turn them off it requires me to literally get out of bed and stay up for like 2 minutes. By that time my rationale kicks in and I stay awake.

I will then make a healthy breakfast - kale omlete with greek yogurt, two pieces of whole grain toast and peanut butter - I must make sur to take my multivitamin and fishoils - I will also chug a huge glass of water.

After that I will take a quick shower, and study my chapters until 12.

At 12 I will eat something quick and healthy - most likely a whole grain salmon sandwhich with kale

After I eat I will hit the gym and do High intesity cardio/abs/stretches

Then I will come home - quickly shower body - chug a protein shake

at about 230 I will continue studies until 530, at that point I have to go out a buy protein powder and some groceries. Then I will come home and study for the rest of the night, and do rubiks cube for 30 minutes before sleep.

Before I go to sleep I will brush teeth and clean myself up, and write in my journal, and develop a workout plan which takes into consideration my injury.

Also I am going to text a couple girls for dates on wednesday and thursday.

Thats the plan bros. Im going to sleep. Later!

 

[KingBeef]

What's up Narcissist? So far it looks like you're doing rather well...

Just some input, If you are truly desire to have that body fat percentage in the teens I would try to do as much h.i.i.t. training (sprinting, etc.) in the morning on an empty stomach. It should work wonders....

- Kingbeef

 

[narcissist]

What's up Narcissist? So far it looks like you're doing rather well...

Just some input, If you are truly desire to have that body fat percentage in the teens I would try to do as much h.i.i.t. training (sprinting, etc.) in the morning on an empty stomach. It should work wonders....

- Kingbeef

thanks for the advice KingBeef.

Im actually around 10% body fat and weigh about 160 lbs

Before my injury I was 172, 9% bf. So I am pretty lean and have muscle mass on me, but i experienced a lot of atrophy during my 6 month hiatus from the gym and lost 12 pounds! But im not discouraged. I will gain it back.

Nonetheless high intesnity interval training is definitely the best way to shed off fat, and I love doing hiit. Right now though main main goal for the gym is to build muscle mass! I am an ectomorph so if i do hiit cardio it will be harder for me to put on mass. At the moment the only cardio I do is run a mile before I lift weights.

 

[narcissist]

2015 Revival: Entry #3

Today was literally an amazing day. One of the best days Ive had it a very long time!

Woke up today and got a nice haircut! I got a bunch of complements on it and it looks something like this >

http://i.ytimg.com/vi/_DHTALp0foI/maxresdefault.jpg

I also hung out with a couple of my friends afterwards and went to a music shop because we all had to do something there.

I singed up for piano lessons and I start april 2nd. I also purchased an electric drum kit and a digital piano today. So Im ready to begin my journey into musical apprenticeship! I cannot wait! I want to endure the hardships of hard practice and work that come along with learning an instrument. I want to shed blood sweat and tears learning the piano and drums! I am so motivated

I also worked out last night and it was fantastic. Felt so great.

Tomorrow I am going to school and also have a date with a cute HB8. I will also go to the gym tomorrow and do some readings. Also Im going to crack down on my drums and start learning rudiments.

Ah what a great day

 

[narcissist]

Journal 2015: Entry 4

Today I woke up a little later than I wanted but literally could not force myself to get out of bed. I woke up around 12:30 and went a grabbed a coffee. I am trying to quit coffee once and for all but its difficult. the reasons why I am trying to quit coffee are numerous. For one, coffee does not react well with my body whatsoever. It affects the quality of sleep I get and along with that it gives me mild acne. I can definitely make the correlation between acne and coffee, because every-time I quit for more than a week my acne goes away entirely, and does not come back, but once I drink coffee again after the short hiatus I always get 1-2 pimples. Sometimes 3. Its nothing too serious, but its annoying and it affects my confidence a little bit. I mean its not like I have cystic acne that covers my face, in reality, they are hardly noticeable, but I would rather have a smooth face, which I do, when I quit coffee. Furthermore, I dont really want to drop the money on coffee. Buying a coffee a day really adds up over the year, and comes out to be 100's of dollars. Not really a smart investment for something I can easily live without. One thing that I want to do this week is begin the process of quitting. I am going to make MONDAY my quit day. I will have my last coffee tomorrow and go into Monday coffee free. Wish me luck fella's!

Other than that, today has been sort of anti-climactic. After I grabbed coffee and food I studying for one of my Psychology courses and read some chapters in my text book. After that I practiced drums for about 1.5 hours. Im actually getting pretty decent. Im learning quick and picking up the rudiments fairly easy. Even though it is an electric drum kit, it can still make a fair bit of noise so I had to stop playing around 8. This is unfortunate because I want to keep practicing. Once you get the hang of some rudimentary drum skills you want to keep going and practice practice practice until perfected, and Im discouraged that I have to wait until tomorrow to play again. I plan on hitting drums for 2 hours tomorrow, and really perfecting my rudiments.

I also am printing off some sheet music for the piano. I want to start going through scales and learning how to read notes etc. I want to have at the very least a rudimentary knowledge on piano fundamentals before going into lessons. My goal for piano is to learn how to play this in 4 months:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zqSzB_xBmtM

that piece is not very hard, but its beautiful in my opinion.

My second goal for piano is to play this in 5 years:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y5ot-88UV-Y

So those are the goals. They are ambitious. But i am relentless when it comes to progression, so I plan on reaching those goals.

I am currently going out for food with a couple of my buddies so I will keep you all posted tomorrow with updates, etc.

 

[narcissist]

Whats up.

Today is May 7th, and after spending a couple days with my old friends catching up, I realized that I have been slacking hard on my social skills with women, men, people, friends, everything.

I have reached a point where i have not be trying to master the situations I find myself in. I speak anything on my mind, which most often comes back and bites me in the a$$. I dont know when to stfu. And I have become that guy that wont go up to random girls and be bold. I also have noticed myself over the past couple months committing social faux pas like crazy. This is absolutely unacceptable. I have to turn this around.

How I am going to turn this around

1. Re-read the 48 laws of power/art of seduction/33 strategies of war

these books have always motivated me to reach my potential and have given me ageless precepts to live my life by

2. Write in this journal every day.

There can be no excuses not to write in this journal. I am so sick and tired of writing in this journal for 3 days then giving up. Its up to me if i want to make my life better, so I must follow through.

3. talk to 3 new people/per day minimum and channel my inner boldness

I have to channel my inner lion. I need to leave the house each day and allow my confidence to roar. I know I have it in me. And it was by simply talking to new people and writing in this journal that this boldness came out and shined.


So these are the goals right now. Everything else in my life is pretty tip top. Its just this social thing thats been bugging me. Good this I have summer school downtown where there is a plethora of people. There is no excuse. I will go out and release my boldness from its shackles. I will document my journey.

This really goes to show: never get lazy, use it or lose it.

 

[narcissist]

I wanted to do an update post on here because I have been doing a plethora of approaches these last 2 months with one of my friends, but I also what to start using this journal again. By "plethora" I mean literally 100s of approaches.

Since I have started taking game seriously I have approached an absurd amount of women, in all different social settings, school, clubs, grocery stores, banks, malls, buses, I even proposed to a random chick on the subway in front of 100 people.

My game has improved to a level that I would not have comprehended when I first joined this website.

So far after about 2 months of taking game seriously I average about 10 numbers a week, and about 100 approaches a week. I still have some weak spots to fix which I will discuss in depth in this post, such as not asking every single approach for their number (I ask about 40% of approaches for their number). This is something I need to improve on.

I am ready to take it to the next level. I am going to be doing drills every day, by myself, at school.

The drill: I will set a timer for 5 minutes, and until the five minutes is up I will not leave set, I will constantly being taking to a girl, and if she blows me out, then I have to immediately go up to another set. Then after the five minutes is up take a 2.5 minute break (in order to be able to go from in state to out of state, and vice versa - a good capacity to have in game). Then I will increase to 10 minutes and do the same thing, then 20 minutes, etc until I have done it for an hour.

My weak spots

1. Asking for the number.

I ask for about 40% of the approaches I do for their number, when I should be asking 100% of approaches. I do this because I feel that sometimes the approach is amazing, and I have a fear that asking for the number is going to shift the dynamic completely. But this is derived from resistance and illusory fear. I almost don't want to approach to fail. Another level deeper shows that I have a fear of failure. It is something that I have to get over. I will admit, that the first 2 weeks of approaching I asked 0% of the women for their number, So that % is slowly increasing. after asking women for their numbers and realizing they are attracted to me and give me their number, I realize I can get a lot of women to give me their number. It opens my eyes to the illusory perspective I have on shifting dynamics.

2. Moving the set.

When I am moving the set, either solo, or with my friend, it starts off amazing, but then it turns into the women leading and us following and that is absolutely unacceptable. I notice the second they start leading, the set is blown out. I have tried to salvage blown out sets before, and most times it can work, but more often than not a blown out set caused by failure to lead is dead in the water. Unsalvageable. This is going to be a major factor in developing my game. This is how I will pull and have same night fvcks. I can grab attention, I am amazing at opening, I instill high levels of attraction, and they want to go with me, but half way through leaving the dynamic shifts.

3. Hesitation.

This is why I am doing drills. I am approaching a lot of women a week (about 100), but I should be approaching 100 women a day. There are a lot of women that I want to approach but dont. So I still have the hesitation that I need to get over in order to take it to the next level. I want to be able to neurologically rewire the pathways in my brain so resistance and hesitation isnt the first reaction but rather execution and action is. This will take months of rewiring but it is very possible.

4. Battling my ego ( fear of failure ).

A massive aspect to improving my game. If i cannot get over this I will not be able to ever get to the god level of game. Just last week I develop a little oneitis with a girl I have been crushing on for a bit (but definitely NOT worth a oneitis). This oneitis wasnt for her, it was the prospect that I could avoid doing game if I got into a relationship and avoid getting my ego hurt time and time again. I am EXTREMELY happy that I was able to determine that it was a oneitis develop by my ego in order to avoid game. My ego is scared of failing. But failure is growth. Failure is growth.

 

[narcissist]

I'm starting this journal back up.

The goal is to write in it everyday, even if it is a small amount.

I read somewhere in a psychology journal that a psychologist named pennebaker demonstrated that writing about oneself in the past present and future is unbelievably beneficial.

So let's do it.