My girlfriends ex is begging for her back

[topmanbarry]

Hey guys i'm a long time lurker and i really like what this forum is about.

I have a problem though. My girlfriend and i have a pretty smooth thing going on. I can tell she has super strong feelings for me and has done a lot for me. Thing is her ex has been literally begging to get back with her. She tells me she does not talk to the guy and is only cordial with him because they attend the same church. So she has to be mature about it.

This guy is texting her everyday begging her and calling her from blocked numbers. She says shes over him and does not want anything to do with him. Her actions also matches her words. Shes often told him she has a boyfriend and shes happy with him. Of course the guy does not listen and continues bothering her.

Today now she told me that he contacted her mom and her mom asked her if she wanted to know what he said she said no. To me this was getting too far and i felt uneasy with him orbiting our relationship. and i broke it off with her. She started to cry and told me don't go because shes loves and will do anything for me to be comfortable in this relationship.

She even said she would report him or change her number if it meant for me to stay with her. Thing is i really like this girl a lott and have not felt this way for another girl before but her ex just wont stop. There is really nothing i can do,i cant control him. I even texted him,but he was being a smart ass so i am guessing this is going to continue. What should i do guys? The relationship is going oh so good but her ex bothering her trying to get back with her is the only problem. Do i officially end things or just put up with it until he decides to stop?

 

[iamnobody]

You shouldn't be concerned about it. Begging a chick to come back will only drive her further away. If anything, this will make her care for you even more.
Lay back, don't be bothered by it. If she crosses a line yes, dump her. You'll be the judge of that.

 

[SirFratserlot]

If he pulls a NC than you might be screwed

 

[AlphaGuy]

If he pulls a NC than you might be screwed

Haha agree with it
Just relax for as long as he's begging her to come back. The moment he starts No contact or acted disinterested with her, is the moment you're in danger :crackup:

 

[mr. kennedy]

If he pulls a NC than you might be screwed

This

 

[henrea4]

Settle it like men. Go to his house and fight him for her.
No...I'm kidding. He isn't worth risking going to jail for....she probably isn't either.

 

[topmanbarry]

So you guys think i should stay with her? And Why do you guys think if he goes NC i will be screwed? I mean she has totally fallen for me

 

[JBB84]

Its not necessarily her fault that she has a crazy ex. I would tell the guy to back off, personally. He's overstepping his boundaries with your woman and messing with your relationship. Its disrespectful to you and it sounds like your girl isn't trying to lead him on with any false hope.

 

[topmanbarry]

Its not necessarily her fault that she has a crazy ex. I would tell the guy to back off, personally. He's overstepping his boundaries with your woman and messing with your relationship. Its disrespectful to you and it sounds like your girl isn't trying to lead him on with any false hope.

Hmm your right, i already told the guy that we would appreciate it if he stopped trying to get her back, and he gave a sarcastic smart guy answer saying "thwts great for you buddy"

 

[topmanbarry]

Its her fault that he even knows about it. She's telling him instead of just dealing with it.

I actuallylike the fact that she did tell me, because we mad a promise never to hide anything from each other and to always be honest about stuff

 

[corrector]

Now is a good opportunity for you to start asking her some questions about her past and why she broke up with her ex. This way you can determine what type of quality girl this is.

Did he dump her then stalk her afterwards? Did she dump him? If she met you then dumped him and he stalked her after then she could do the same to you if she gets tired of you and meets another guy?

If he goes to the same church as she does then that doesn't sound right. Christians are supposed to pray about who they get involved with and put Jesus first rather than idolizing their "ex". This type of behaviour is unacceptable. But on the same token, it is also a red-flag to her too.

Wasn't there any "closure" in that last relationship? Is she her ego feeding on his attention?

If you just want to have a good-time with her and are not interested in an LTR or marrying her, just ignore everything I just said and proceed to your "expiry" date, which is usually after the honeymoon phase.

 

[topmanbarry]

Now is a good opportunity for you to start asking her some questions about her past and why she broke up with her ex. This way you can determine what type of quality girl this is.

Did he dump her then stalk her afterwards? Did she dump him? If she met you then dumped him and he stalked her after then she could do the same to you if she gets tired of you and meets another guy?

If he goes to the same church as she does then that doesn't sound right. Christians are supposed to pray about who they get involved with and put Jesus first rather than idolizing their "ex". This type of behaviour is unacceptable. But on the same token, it is also a red-flag to her too.

Wasn't there any "closure" in that last relationship? Is she her ego feeding on his attention?

If you just want to have a good-time with her and are not interested in an LTR or marrying her, just ignore everything I just said and proceed to your "expiry" date, which is usually after the honeymoon phase.

She broke up with him because they were not working out, always arguing and a lot of drama so she ended it. They were together for two years and those two years were rocky so i guess she got tired of all the BS. He was very manipulaitve and she was his doormat. Idk if there was any closure or not.

I dont want just a good time with her. I can see tis continuing for a long term and possibly even marriage.

 

[TheException]

There is no much sh1t advice on this thread that I am obligated to give an intelligent and helpful response...

You did the right thing. She is telling you about her ex to make you jealous and/or she can't stop thinking about him even when she's with you.

Its her fault that he even knows about it. She's telling him instead of just dealing with it.

Now is a good opportunity for you to start asking her some questions about her past and why she broke up with her ex.

Complete sh1t advice^

Its her fault that he even knows about it? Lol....its women we are talking about here....they gossip. Its a common and easy sh1t test and you fvcked up big time by overreacting like a noob. Who cares if her ex is being a psycho and stalking her? She hasnt:

-Cordially responded to him
-Agreed to meet up with him
-Give him a bl0wjob in the back of his car

DUDE....she doesnt give a sh1t about him. Hes acting like a complete beta chump...and what have you learned(or should have learned) about beta behavior? IT DECREASES ATTRACTION. Shes using him like a goddamn tampon for drama and you got sucked right into it. WHAT YOU SHOULD HAVE DONE, was never give a sh1t about it and change the subject as soon as it comes up. The very fact that you broke up with her shows how insecure you really are.

Sooooo what to do now? Welp. By breaking up with her...you make taking her back a really delicate matter. You cant admit to making a mistake and overreacting, because it will get held against you and will confirm to her how much of a beta you are. Really only leaves one option...just hit her up to hang out and have sex and never talk about the relationship status until she brings it up. Id just act like you never broke up with her and should treat her like a new plate. Get back on your alpha game and she'll forget your big slip up.

 

[corrector]

She broke up with him because they were not working out, always arguing and a lot of drama so she ended it. They were together for two years and those two years were rocky so i guess she got tired of all the BS. He was very manipulaitve and she was his doormat. Idk if there was any closure or not.

I dont want just a good time with her. I can see tis continuing for a long term and possibly even marriage.

Why two years if it was such a bad relationship?

 

[Iceberg]

Why two years if it was such a bad relationship?

That's a weird question. When you're in the bad relationship, rarely do you realize that it's a bad relationship. Only afterwards do you take time to think, "Wow. That was f**ked up."

Either way...it doesn't really matter why she broke up with her ex. That doesn't play into any of this. It just doesn't.

 

[Aristippus]

It sounds like she wants nothing to do with him and the ex is being disrespectful and won't take no for an answer. In the old days if a person harrassed you non-stop and wouldn't leave you alone, you could just take a six-shooter and blow his brains out or you could run him through with a sword (if you go back even farther).

I wouldn't reccommend doing this and there are laws in place now to address these issues. If she doesn't agree to it, then take it upon yourself to file a restraining order against him. You could probably file a harrassment complaint with the police. Have papers served on him and he will get a clue real quick.

 

[LorenzoVonM]

There is no much sh1t advice on this thread that I am obligated to give an intelligent and helpful response...

You did the right thing. She is telling you about her ex to make you jealous and/or she can't stop thinking about him even when she's with you.

Its her fault that he even knows about it. She's telling him instead of just dealing with it.

Now is a good opportunity for you to start asking her some questions about her past and why she broke up with her ex.

Complete sh1t advice^

Its her fault that he even knows about it? Lol....its women we are talking about here....they gossip. Its a common and easy sh1t test and you fvcked up big time by overreacting like a noob. Who cares if her ex is being a psycho and stalking her? She hasnt:

-Cordially responded to him
-Agreed to meet up with him
-Give him a bl0wjob in the back of his car

DUDE....she doesnt give a sh1t about him. Hes acting like a complete beta chump...and what have you learned(or should have learned) about beta behavior? IT DECREASES ATTRACTION. Shes using him like a goddamn tampon for drama and you got sucked right into it. WHAT YOU SHOULD HAVE DONE, was never give a sh1t about it and change the subject as soon as it comes up. The very fact that you broke up with her shows how insecure you really are.

Sooooo what to do now? Welp. By breaking up with her...you make taking her back a really delicate matter. You cant admit to making a mistake and overreacting, because it will get held against you and will confirm to her how much of a beta you are. Really only leaves one option...just hit her up to hang out and have sex and never talk about the relationship status until she brings it up. Id just act like you never broke up with her and should treat her like a new plate. Get back on your alpha game and she'll forget your big slip up.

This. If she was entertaining his BS, responding to him, initiating communication then it would be a different story. Quality girls are always going to have dudes orbiting her. You're gonna have to get rid of your insecurities.

 

[AlphaGuy]

So you guys think i should stay with her? And Why do you guys think if he goes NC i will be screwed? I mean she has totally fallen for me

Because your ex may realize his worth, and any hidden feelings which she may still have can be refreshed. Your ex may start to think about him, questioning that where he went and all. As after all it was a 2 years relation. I myself got my ex running back to me just after i put NC on them.

 

[BigSmooth]

A lot of quality girls these days have f@ggot ex boyfriends who they truly don't give a sh!t about anymore.


If you dump every quality girl you date just because they have an annoying little ex boyfriend who pesters them, then maybe you're the one that is insecure.


If I were you, I never would have dumped her. I would have either:

1) Confronted the ex and tell him to leave her alone in a stern manner.

OR

2) Go to the police and file some type of restraining order or something.


#2 would be smarter because if you do #1, this guy might be one of those psycho F@ggots who would even try to hurt or kill you secretly to get the girl back.




~BigSmooth

 

[like2jam]

I don't think I'd break it off with her because of what her ex is doing. Only if you suspect she is communicating with him on a regular basis.

Both of you should tell him to buzz off for good and then she should go NC. Who cares if he keeps trying. He's fully AFC at this point.