my gf kissed another guy

[SageOFAllenAge]

Re: what i'll do

Originally posted by flyinshark
Here are some of my thoughts at this moment.


However (and this is where maybe half of the readers will shake their heads, call me a dumbass, and leave this thread), i wanna follow BigWillyStyle's and tmpgstx's advice that said "its all about how YOU feel" and "follow your GUT". And i feel the following: I wanna see her on friday in person.

Sounds good?

Once upon a time I dumped my girl because of her neurotic behavior ...started feeling bad about it, got back w/ her inspite of my friends who knew better telling me that 'I was her little boy running back to her' I said something along the lines "its all about how YOU feel" and "follow your GUT" to myself.

Her seducing me back was quite a turn on I must admit, but she didnt change & 2 months down the line we broke up & now have stayed that way.

So in times like these your emotions are your weakness they are 'AFC' , You & I have a lot of growing up to do mentally.

 

[frivolousz21]

That is why Male and females can never be JUSt FRIENDS, when his Gf told him she was finding the new guy friend he should have acted there and put the end what would be the potential (this). isnt having gf cooking and watching sports together on the couch get fuking old? well guess not in Belleville IL.

where do u live? this is what a lot of midwestern life is like in the united states.
this why we have vacations..I am going to Cali in May without my girl for 2 weeks to seee some friends..but I wont cheat..but I will still have a great time.

I dont watch sports with her.

and no it doenst get old to be with her...it hasnt gotten old to hang out with the same friends for 15 yrs?????


of course they cant just be friends, exp at age 20. but when u get older you can stop from acting on impulses..plus when u are happy with ur life and partner those impulses will be nullified greatly

 

[Alen-Delon]

whats the populaton in belleville IL ? just wondering. i live in europe a place called Bern switzerland.

 

[frivolousz21]

about 50,000.

I live by St. Louis, Mo..which has a pop of 300,000..and the area of about 2.1 mll.

I have come to notice..more of a liberal since in relationships in Europe compared to the States on this board.

am I correct?

 

[geneticperfection]

Re: replies

Originally posted by flyinshark

Yes, she does seem a little immature based on her behavior, and it happened a few times before that she wasn't sure of what she wanted. It's not a good thing, but hey, now we can assume that she has learned what NOT to do Geesh, i feel like i am her life teacher or something. She does have great qualities and her slight immaturity should not be a "make it or break it" criterion.

Flyinshark, just a few years back, this girl I loved left me for another guy who knew she was dating me. I got reactionary, stopped caring about values and started going after girls with boyfriends. While, I'm not proud of it, I did it a lot back then, and learned a lot of ****.
Let me just say this: A girl who isnt sure of what she wants is an easy target. And a LDR? Its a joke to rip them apart, especially if the girl wonders sometimes.
I dont know this girl man, but I will say this: she seems young (realize I have no clue how old she is - she could have been 28 for all I knew, and you could have been in grad schools), immature about life experiences and relationships, confused, and given to emotion. She doesnt seem rational and level-headed; true most young girls arent, but its essential for an LDR... I strongly, strongly suspect you will be hurt again, and this time you might just not find out. Cheating is much much easier the second time around, and every time you feel a little less guilty... Plus, you said you'll be emotionally detached and distant (no one here can blame you for that). You don't think that might give her a reason inside her head to accidentally fall into the arms of another man?

Once again, you know whats best, but there's part of the target profile for a nice girl who would cheat (as contradictary as that might sound). Hope that helps some.

 

[geneticperfection]

I'm inclined to think you want this because you're comfortable with what you guys had (past tense..things are different now), and its just unpleasant leaving that to go to uncertainity. Yeah it is. I've been in your shoes and took the route you're discussing taking. The relationship after cheating was agonizing for both myself and the girl; you'll wonder often (you may be more mature than I, I wont discount that based on the level-headedness of your responses), it'll be hell to trust her, you may think about whether it was just kissing, or she downplayed the events, etc etc. You invested 5 months, I know. But I worry that you might end up losing even more as opposed to cutting your losses and moving on. You seem like a great guy, with a LOT of DJ potential - is a 5 month relationship worth the future agony, and the missed opportunities?

In the end though, when I was in your shoes, I thought exactly what I typed out here. I still went back. I regret it in retrospect, but we all think "my relationship might be different from everyone elses", and take a chance there. Just give it some more thought before tomorrow, and dont cave at the slightest sign of tears - be caring, but still a man (you seem to have that under control by the sound of your break-up call).
Good luck man...

 

[JohnJones]

Also do a gut check to see whether (and you seem really balanced for a guy who just got cheated on) some fear of not having her is winning out. The mind can make one thing seem very attractive if it doesn't want to look at another unattractive thing.

 

[Alen-Delon]

its not that its liberal or whatever its just my point of view, i think that if women cheats on a man its mans fault, and its not cheating. when this guy let his gf have this so called guy friend and he was happy with it, he was building a pontential disaster for himself. and when i say it was just good time and not cheating i mean that, u just had wild sex with someone and it was fun, no feelings attached, i know its bad but it happens. happend to me before and i dont regret it. and u dont need a gf to have a happy life or feel better about yourself.

 

[coder]

You need to understand why she wants you back. It isn’t because cheating on you made her realize that she really does love you as she said. That doesn’t make any sense. It’s because if the relationship ends now, there will be no doubt that it ended because of something bad that she did and she doesn’t like how that FEELS. If she can get you to forgive her and take her back, she thinks she won’t feel guilty any more. Once she doesn’t feel guilty any more, she will no longer need you and will either dump you or cheat again. Why you think you will benefit from this experience is a mystery to me, but it’s your life.

 

[MindOverMatter]

Now, almost everyone tells me that she will cheat on me again. I am aware of that, and she'll be out of my life if she does. I wanna add that yeah, it will make me feel bad if she does, but it won't be as bad as this time because i will be more or less expecting it. I am more detached emotionally with her now, and will continue to be like this for a long time, in order to avoid myself any hard feelings in case of her cheating in the future. I now feel strong enough to deal with her.

Man if you actually go through with this, you're retarded. It's obvious that you ARE emotionally attached to this girl, otherwise you wouldn't be getting BACK with her AFTER SHE CHEATED ON YOU. You have no pride, and are acting AFC as hell. Instead of wasting his time with this b!tch, a real man would be out sleeping with someone else.

Mods, it's obvious this guy is either too thick headed to listen, or is a troll, this thread should get locked before it gets out of hand.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Go back to this girl and you'll eventually find out the truth. The truth is she's attacted to this guy who lives closer, has more time for her and might be FUKIN' her right now!!!! And because your so attached to the idea of having her in your life, you simply cannot pack up shop and walk away. Why? How can you ever rebuild trust once its been broken!!! Trusting girls who don't deserve trust is giving them a ticket to play your @ss!!! I give it 2 months before you come back here saying "You guys were right." By taking her back you do two things to yourself:

1-You give all the power in the relationship to her, which is definitely not good.

2-You now become the "girl" in the relationship. She wants a man and instead your being a girl. The time on the bomb is ticking.


Failure is not flattering, your setting up the scenario for your own demise.



PIMP

 

[flyinshark]

Originally posted by MindOverMatter
Mods, it's obvious this guy is either too thick headed to listen, or is a troll, this thread should get locked before it gets out of hand.

These discussion boards are here for fellow DJ's and DJ wannabe's to try to HELP each other in this tough world that happens to be filled with those very confusing creatures called women. I needed help and advice, and i've politely asked for it.

Now, i am willing to accept constructive criticism or even mean reality checks, but here u are calling me names and acting like you own these boards.

If the moderators find that this thread is useles, they can close it and i wouldn't care, but i personally think that posts like yours should get deleted!

Yes, you gave your opinion in the beginning of your post and i appreciate that, but maybe u should have stuck to that.

 

[geneticperfection]

Originally posted by MindOverMatter
Mods, it's obvious this guy is either too thick headed to listen, or is a troll, this thread should get locked before it gets out of hand.

Put yourself where he is right now man. Its hell, and you really end up hoping there is some way that its SMART to go back to her. Giving up a relationship isnt easy and its important to some people to exhaust all options mentally before giving in. I think thats what flyinshark is doing. I would have been surprised if he DIDNT think "maybe we can still be together and things will be different". If we were all master DJs here, we'd all be dating claudia schiffer (or mother teresa, or whatever it is in a woman that appeals to you), know she'd never leave us, and be too busy with other things to even use the internet. Anyway, we're here to offer advice, not to live his life for him. Dont mean to rant on you bro, but I dont think this was the easiest experience for him, and us attacking him is not what he came here for.

 

[flyinshark]

In reply to some of the things that have been mentioned:

For the guys asking how old the girl is, she's 20, like me.

For those concerned about how shaken up i am emotionally, i wanna say thank you and i wanna add that i am alright and not as bruised emotionally as it may sound. I dont think i sounded like that, but i guess some of u just assumed i was. So, i'm fine.

For those that think i am not taking your advice seriously, well, i did break up with her yesterday and i was done with her. Honestly, had i not listened to all the advice in here, i wouldnt have dumped her yesterday.
The fact that she came back to me crying and seeming to have learned a lesson has changed some things. I know her behavior could just be theatrical and i know that women can cry on cue, but as a guy who loved this girl i think it's normal that i consider both alternatives.

I am currently swaying in favor of breaking up with her tomorrow.

 

[Kaine]

The fact that she came back to me crying and seeming to have learned a lesson has changed some things. I know her behavior could just be theatrical and i know that women can cry on cue, but as a guy who loved this girl i think it's normal that i consider both alternatives.

I feel compelled to post because I feel like we share a similar experience. I thought I was dating a good girl. She was young and I was her second BF. She cheated and I dumped her, did and pretty much did the whole theatrical thing too. She cryed and bought me expensive gifts etc. I succumbed thinking she honestly loved me and thought she had learned her lesson.

Call it immaturity, call it lack of life experience. She did it again. With the SAME guy.

I stand by my previous post. If you go back to her it's a lose, lose situation. She unconciously will lose respect for you for taking her back, even if you 'dumped' her like I did. In the back of her mind you weren't 'actually' strong enough to walk away even when she disrespected you.

THIS IS A BIG S.HIT TEST (with no winner).

You should protect yourself. Keep seeing her if you don't have the strength to leave. Enjoy the fun

BUT don't take it seriously, DATE OTHER GIRLS.

Make this known to her. You challenge her, while maintaining integrity.


Kaine

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Originally posted by flyinshark
I've been with this girl for 5 months now and everything was lovey dovey between us for the most part. We only had one conflict in the past, and it was about the fact that she believes in God and i don't, so she wasn't sure if she wanted to be with a non-believer. I told her that i may change my beliefs with time, so we kinda closed the topic there and were happy again.

We seemed to have long term potential and loved each other, until yesterday when she called me and admitted with much difficulty and guilt that she kissed another guy, whom had desperately tried to spend time with her lately. She had supposedly drank a few Smirnoffs before.

I was mad and told her that i think she may not be that much into me if she kissed someone else. I therefore concluded that it was best that we end this relationship here, as it doesnt seem to have long term potential anymore.

She then felt like crying and told me that she now realizes how big a mistake she made and that she loves me so much. She told me to not do this to her, and that by kissing that guy she realized that it's with me that she wants to be (huh?). She added that she called him afterwards to tell him that she wasn't gonna see him again.

I said that i was gonna think about it, but that i dont think it will work out betweem us. So now i am thinking... I love this girl a lot and there was no doubt in my mind i wanted to stay for a long time with her, but now i question her interest level. She seems to love me more than before, but maybe she's just playing comedy.

So, fellow don juans, please enlighten me here.

Do i stick with the break up or do i give her another chance???

You coward, may you die a thousand deaths!!!!! This hor has the audacity (boldness) to be on another man's jock and you like a bytch are embracing her regret - you are a fool and may you and others wimpish lonely bastards who condone a hor's actions as a “mistake” be put to death and discarded in the trash bin of less than masculine entities!!! Slap this hor for her blatant disrespect of your manhood!!!!!! Don’t be a lonely pvssy and accept this disrespectful hor ---- ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[SageOFAllenAge]

Re: Re: my gf kissed another guy

PRL is pissed ,

Well I hope you've distanced yourself from the girl for good & look for other women. trust broken cant be mended & for all you know she modifyed her story just for you to see her as the helpless victim.

there are more than 2.5 billion women out there why be stuck on one?

 

[DJHoolahoop]

She then felt like crying and told me that she now realizes how big a mistake she made and that she loves me so much. She told me to not do this to her, and that by kissing that guy she realized that it's with me that she wants to be (huh?). She added that she called him afterwards to tell him that she wasn't gonna see him again.

Ok this right here is stupidest part. She says she NOW regrets it? Why because she realizes she can't get away with it? She should have known BEFORE hand that it was unacceptable.

So I don't get why you did want to continue it. Love, man that's a hard thing to invest in. One person in the relationship can TOTALLY be slapped around and STILL say they love the person.

Just be happy dude that you dumped her, don't even give her another chance cuz she aint worth it. Even if it WAS "just a kiss" that don't matter, most won't consider that cheating but still that don't mean she couldn't have.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Kissing another dude IS cheating and who is to say that is all she did and hasn't done it before!!! Maybe the dude she kissed rejected her and now she is falling back to her secure thing. Never respect her as a "girlfriend" - only an insecure chumo would forgive her of her "willful" misconduct and disrespect!!! Be a man and keep your dignity or what you have left of it!!! There are other people who know about this and it will make you look like a weak man in their eyes if you embrace her horish conduct!!

 

[DJStudent]

I don't think I could possibly read all of what everyone posted beecause it's almost a short novel. But to add a few things to this nice mix of suggestion from my own personal experience is that.

1) Most of the guys here is right, she's not good enough for you.
2) It's good that you're seeing her for the last time. (I find that dealing things face to face has a far more impact on your memory then over the phone).

Not to re-live my break with my ex but a similar situation happened to me and I didn't acted the way you acted. Given all the time and energy I have put into thinking about these things, let me save you a few days of your life and just be done with her. My ex of 7 month told me that she had kiss this guy and we like you were in long distance relationship. I found out later that they were a bit more than just kissing (holding hands and such). Then by the time we broke up (I gave her a second chance) which was like 5 months down, he resurface again. Then all hell broke loose and the relationship ended badly. Just tell her you can't see her again, and be done with it once in for all

I wish you the best of luck.