my gf kissed another guy

[SpeedRunner]

You guys are assuming that this girl is a total biotch and is playin this guy. Im assuming there is some good in this girl.

If so, then give her a second chance. But at a price. Its never too late to set your own rules. In fact I think that nexting her would be a sign of weakness, "I cant handle you" would be the message.

I wouldnt lose any sleep over this. Just stay in control of your life and the relationship and let it continue. If she really loves you, tell her to prove it. Is it really that complicated? Tell her you doubt her sincerity now and that she needs to prove her love to you.

If she refuses, then next her. Her loss.

 

[geneticperfection]

Originally posted by coder
geneticperfection
Saying that you will not continue an LTR with someone because you can’t trust them because of their actions is not letting you emotions run rampant. It is being smart. And it is being a man.

Agreed - maybe I misunderstood or it came out wrong. Setting rules is good, anger usually isnt. I think we're on the same page on that one

 

[geneticperfection]

Originally posted by SpeedRunner
You guys are assuming that this girl is a total biotch and is playin this guy. Im assuming there is some good in this girl.

Speedrunner, I'm sure she has some amazing qualities, and maybe she was intoxicated or whatever when this happened. Still, that she did it says that she has the propensity to do it again.
I dont necessarily buy the "once a cheater, always a cheater", but people who cheat once will do it a few more times until they finally mature. And by the sound of things, she has a lot more maturing to do. Till then, flyinshark is in a bad spot. Plus, in such a situation, how can you EVER be sure this isnt being repeated? I've known girls who cheated on their bf, confessed, and cheated on him again next week. They felt HORRIBLE both times. Didn't keep it from happening though.
THere is some truth to what we read here: Attraction isnt always a choice, and the right guy can make it happen with a girl in a relationship if she is weak. And since she could be lead astray by 3 bottles of Smirnoff Ice and smooth talk, she probably wont hold under a normal party situation. She probably has some growing to do (ie: she isnt a *****, just young), and I dont think its fair to flyinshark to bear the brunt of her journey to maturity.

 

[flyinshark]

It's DONE

I'll admit i was nervous picking up the phone, and that i started the conversation in a "nice" way by asking her to explain to me why she cheated on me. My nervousness went away soon after.

So she said to me like 5 times that she regrets it and she knows it was a big mistake, and that she loves me. She said that she didnt have any feelings for him (like it matters) and added that she has learnt her lesson and cried a lot about it. In the end, she couldn't really explain why she did it.

I asked her if she knew that a guy who invites her at his place most probably wants to fvck her, and she said that she didnt expect that, that she thought they would just talk as they always did (me: "aha"). I said that she's very naive then, and she agreed. I don't believe her.

Then she asked me to give her another chance, as everyone can make a mistake. I said i was sorry, but she made a big mistake and it's over. I also suggested that she never cheats on her future bf. Clearly shaken, she said that she respected my choice...She wanted to argue but came back saying that she respects my choice (reverse psychology? anyway, it doesnt matter).

I told her that she had just lost me, and wished her to meet her prince charming one day. Then "bye" and "bye" and that was it. Pretty emotional.

Edit: Ps. She said "if u really love me then you wouldn't break-up with me". And i replied that "if she loved me, she wouldn't have cheated on me". I guess she didnt really like that...

 

[penkitten]

Originally posted by flyinshark


We seemed to have long term potential and loved each other, until yesterday when she called me and admitted with much difficulty and guilt that she kissed another guy, whom had desperately tried to spend time with her lately.



Do i stick with the break up or do i give her another chance???

exgirlfriend and no chance..
just walk away from it

 

[flyinshark]

This girl is driving me insane.

I dumped her like 15 minutes ago and now she just called me and said that she wants me back and loves me and wants to meet me in person instead of talking on the phone. She wants to come in my city this friday to see me, cuz "she misses me"... She was like "i will never, ever, in my life do that again to you, because i know how much i hurt u and i dont want u to feel like that ever again"...

Guys, dont flame me for being weak and doubting, i am already emotionally tired from this story. But do try to think what u would honestly do in this very situation if it happened to you, and maybe share your thoughts.

So basically i am restating the main question of this thread, but in the light of what just happened...I mean, she is desperately trying to keep me. Can that mean that she's not a b**** but a girl that genuinely wants to be with me and genuinely regretting what she has done?

 

[geneticperfection]

Originally posted by flyinshark
This girl is driving me insane.

I dumped her like 15 minutes ago and now she just called me and said that she wants me back and loves me and wants to meet me in person instead of talking on the phone. She wants to come in my city this friday to see me, cuz "she misses me"... She was like "i will never, ever, in my life do that again to you, because i know how much i hurt u and i dont want u to feel like that ever again"...

Guys, dont flame me for being weak and doubting, i am already emotionally tired from this story. But do try to think what u would honestly do in this very situation if it happened to you, and maybe share your thoughts.

So basically i am restating the main question of this thread, but in the light of what just happened...I mean, she is desperately trying to keep me. Can that mean that she's not a b**** and a girl that genuinely wants to be with me and genuinely regretting what she has done?

One thing - DJ rules: YOu're sexier because you were a man. Plus you're a bigger person - your post reeked of class. Congratulations on that.
I can imagine you're emotionally tired. Dont make ANY decisions until the morning. See if she calls back, when she's had time to cry through things as well and realize if this is what she wants (please dont EXPECT her to call, or you're looking at the route to AFC land). If she calls back, I'd recommend saying something like "I'm tired - call me in the morning and we can talk". Give yourself a few hours to think about it, some time to regroup and also time for her to figure out if she's riding on emotion or something else. THen decide what you want. I'll say what I said before: if she's still growing, you will probably get hurt again within the next year. If she's done growing, this might be all it takes. I doubt the latter though, but you know her best. But thats just my $0.02...

 

[Squid]

I think geneticperfection is right, you need to think about this overnight, long and hard. Let me tell you a story, I've been down this road as well. I was dating a girl for 2 years (back when I was 19), we both started summer jobs during university in separate cities. Basically the same thing happened, we broke up, she called me five times a day for a week until I decided not to throw it all away and try again. Things seemed good, two years later I married her, a year after that she was f**ing her "good friend" at work and telling me she was working late. To this day I regret giving her a second chance.

I personally wouldn't go back to her, what she did was not a mental slip one night when she was drunk, it progressed over time, give out number, talk on phone, go over for kissing session. She definitely had time to think about what she was doing and how it would affect you, and there is no way in hell she thought they were just friends nomatter what she tells you. That as well as your ages gives me the impression that this will not work and the next time this happens you will feel much worse.

Listen, there are alot of great women out there that will treat you the way you deserve to be treated, it's not worth wasting time on someone who would do this to you.

However, as was posted before, you know her and the situation better than I do, only you will truly know whether or not to go back, but if you do you had better keep a close eye on things.

Do you really think you will be able to trust her when she calls you long distance and tells you she's going out to a bar or party now?

 

[Layla]

Originally posted by flyinshark
Guys, dont flame me for being weak and doubting, i am already emotionally tired from this story. But do try to think what u would honestly do in this very situation if it happened to you, and maybe share your thoughts.

Seriously man, I would definitely dump her.

Step back and look at the whole situiation.

A) She was in a CLUB, and she gave out her number for crying out loud! While shes dating you!
B) She MADE OUT with this guy. It probably wasnt just a "kiss". Shes just saying that to lighten it.
C) She lied to you by telling you on sunday that she wouldnt do those kinds of things with that guy, while she did it on friday, three days beforehand.

Tell her respectfully, that you dont put up with that kind of behavior and that your sorry but she has to go. Tell her not to call you back.

 

[MindOverMatter]

A) She was in a CLUB, and she gave out her number for crying out loud! While shes dating you!
B) She MADE OUT with this guy. It probably wasnt just a "kiss". Shes just saying that to lighten it.
C) She lied to you by telling you on sunday that she wouldnt do those kinds of things with that guy, while she did it on friday, three days beforehand.

Whenever in doubt, read that.

The only reason she regrets cheating on you now is because she feels like a sl*t man (which she is). She doesn't feel sorry that she did that to you, she only wants you to forgive her so she can feel good about herself again.

I'll tell you right now, if you forgive her, this is what will happen. At first, she will be an amazing girlfriend, she'll treat you perfectly in order to win your trust again. Then, as soon as you become comfortable with having her in your life again, she will get bored, and repeat the same sh!t. Only this time, you wont trust her, and everytime there is a problem in the relationship, you will wonder if she's cheating on you again. You will never have anything except stress and drama with this girl. As soon as she thinks you have forgiven her, as soon as she stops feeling like a sl*t, she will go back to her old ways.

You can't change girls like this. You made the smart choice, stick with it now. Don't buy into the crying and the words. Girls can cry ON CUE man. I've lived with them, i've seen them do it. Don't listen to her WORDS man, look at her ACTIONS:

A) She was in a CLUB, and she gave out her number for crying out loud! While shes dating you!
B) She MADE OUT with this guy. It probably wasnt just a "kiss". Shes just saying that to lighten it.
C) She lied to you by telling you on sunday that she wouldnt do those kinds of things with that guy, while she did it on friday, three days beforehand.

You can't forgive that! Do what a man has to do, and move on! Girls come and go, but your self-respect & dignity...once you lose them, they're gone man.

 

[JonJack]

From the behaviour of flyinshark's girl, it is clear that she isn't fully aware of her actions. First, she expects you to get back with her by just apologising. I bet if you ask her any form of deep questions about it, she wouldn't be able to answer you. She couldn't even explain why she did it man. I believe if she honestly could explain it to you, you would drop her in an instant. Then again, you could always keep her if you want. But only to satisfy whatever shallow needs you might have because if she would to ever do that again, you would just go "Oh well" and shrug it off.

Bottom line. The probability of her cheating on you in the future is very high. Knowing this, what do you want to do with her?

 

[tmpgstx]

Good advice .. and Digit nice detailed posts.

You're in control here (this relationship), i would give her another chance BUT keep in mind that i've had 3 long terms and each one cheated on me once (at the end) after going a year or two.

Here's the thing .. these girls that i was with never kissed a guy for the whole duration .. was only with me and i would have known, had friends on the scene all the time etc., not to mention knowing otherwise.

Because you're in control, would give her another chance if you love her deeply. She needs to not see this guy again as you know the intentions on his behalf, that has to be part of the deal.

We're always going to be attracted to other people, and for her to act on that was wrong, but she is inexperienced too.

Go with your GUT!

 

[Kaine]

Great thread, I can imagine how tiring and challenging it is for you.

I don't think anyone has suggested that you keep her around as a fcukbuddy yet.

Tell her that you've lost all respect for her and that you don't feel as strongly as before. Tell her that she can see you but you don't want to see her exclusively anymore. It's either your way or the highway. Make it sound like she'll have to jump through hoops for you. Make it really dramatic.

Then in future just enjoy the sex and date other girls. Don't take her too seriously. Then go from there.


Kaine

 

[penkitten]

Originally posted by flyinshark
This girl is driving me insane.

I dumped her like 15 minutes ago and now she just called me and said that she wants me back and loves me and wants to meet me in person instead of talking on the phone. She wants to come in my city this friday to see me, cuz "she misses me"... She was like "i will never, ever, in my life do that again to you, because i know how much i hurt u and i dont want u to feel like that ever again"...

Guys, dont flame me for being weak and doubting, i am already emotionally tired from this story. But do try to think what u would honestly do in this very situation if it happened to you, and maybe share your thoughts.

So basically i am restating the main question of this thread, but in the light of what just happened...I mean, she is desperately trying to keep me. Can that mean that she's not a b**** but a girl that genuinely wants to be with me and genuinely regretting what she has done?

total attention hog you are dealing with,
i am sure you find her pretty and sweet and all that but this is not worth it.
it will happen again and might be more than kissing next time.

 

[LuckyStrike]

She sounds like she might be a little too immature to be in a relationship right now...or ever.

 

[Enzo]

Disclamer! This is all my inexperienced opinion!

You have to ask yourself these questions:

Why did she hide it from you? If she really cared she would have told you instead of trying to get away with it.

Why didnt she tell you about this guy before hand? Did she have a good reason for hiding this 'friend' from you?

Why did she tell? Was it out of respect for you or was she trying to make herself feel good?

Only you really know her and we can only guess.

You could use her guilt to get some of the best lovin' then dump her @ss because things just dont 'feel the same'.

This sounds really sexist but cheating for women in totally unacceptable. It is in a womans nature to be faithful where as it is in a mans nature to want to cheat, he has to work against his instincts to be faithful. When a woman acts out her nature and cheats it indicates a lack of respect and she thinks she can get away with it. The one thing that speaks well of her is that she told you and you didnt have to catch her.

However all this ish about having a guy round cause you she wanted to talk? No way. Girls can tell a guy want to fvck them simple. If she wanted to talk call him! Or even better talk to you since you are her MAN!

At best you should put her on ice for a while and let her really thing about what she has done. She cant mess a DJ around and use some BS tears to get back in.

Again this is all my very inexperience opinion.

 

[TizZle]

I'll be a lot of money that the next time she pulls something like this she will not tell you if you get back together. But hell what if she would have never told you, you would not be posting this thread. She did you a favor in my book.

If you do see her... Hey you can always use her as an inbetween chick while trying to find other prospects. That's all she's worth IMO. Nothing more than short term. Think of her as an option B while trying to find an option A.

 

[CharmaLeo]

"in future just enjoy the sex and date other girls. Don't take her too seriously. Then go from there."

Good advice. Two thumbs up.

 

[BigWillyStyle]

flyinshark. How do YOU feel about her kissing another dude? If you feel you can't trust her and it plays on your mind constantly then yes, get rid of her.

If you believe it was a one time slip up and you still believe you can trust her in the long run, keep her. It's not up to anyone else to say wether or not you should dump her, its all about how YOU feel. Do you feel deeply hurt and never can get over it or are you non chalant about the whole thing. Sorry didn't read all the replies so I may have missed something. Good luck with whatever you do bro.

 

[StrivetoThrive]

flyinshark,

I am telling you right now, dump this chick and dont look back. I had a very similar situation happen to me. I was going out with a chick for like 4 months, she goes to Canada for a week, makes out with some dude (or bangs him for all i know) and then proceeds to call me and tell me we should just be friends crying and stuff. I called her out that she hooked up with another dude, and I ended up seeing her at school because I didnt have the good mind and common sense at the time to get her away from me (not going back out, but hooking up). Basically it was a friggen waste of time and energy that I could have had finding someone else to better spend my time with.
What are you 20 years old? Dont listen to these people saying you can forgive and keep going out, that isnt grounded in reality one fukkin bit. That is fantasy, what, because you tell her you will go back out with her, and she promises that she will never hook up with another guy again, it is suddenly going to come true? As Notorious B.I.G. once said, "youre dead wrong." It seems like you are on the right track, but I am telling you right now, she will come to where your apt or house crying, weeping, begging, groveling to get back with you, and it is going to be gut check time at a particular point when you have to decide if you are gonna keep seeing her (and never really knowing what she is doing, because she already did it once), or if you are going to tell her "heres the door, dont let it hit you on the way out baby." Pick the latter, dont look back, go out and get a number one stunner somewhere else. Theres billions of women, dont get caught up on one who clearly exhibited faulty behavior, and behavior that a real man should not accept might I add. I might be a lot of things, but a cheater I am not and I think that is one of the worst things a person can do to someone they are in a relationship with. Dont get stuck with one, she actually did you a favor in a way by telling you she is someone that cant be trusted and now you know.