my gf kissed another guy

[dig it]

no probs

but i would have thought you would have made a decision already.


thing is....good and quick decision making is a sign of a man.

you shoud already know if you want to dump her or not....

coming her to ask was a shot from back-court to begin with....you at least want to ideally be in your own half of the court to begin with...so as you are not making-up for things....


take a break....today/tonight/tommorow, put this out of your mind...do other things, and once you have all your advice you need to make a decision, you can allow yourself to think again and at the least you wont be hassling yourself.

 

[00Kevin]

any woman who would feel guilty enough to tell you and then cry about it is a good woman.

She may however have a hard time getting over the fact that you don't believe in what she does. So in the end this might mean that your relationship won't work out. You will have to expect that.

 

[Squid]

Originally posted by 00Kevin
any woman who would feel guilty enough to tell you and then cry about it is a good woman.
B]

or a great drama queen. Are you serious? A good woman doesn't give out her phone number to strangers at bars when she is in a relationship. This isn't someone making a mistake, she gave out the number, talked to the guy several times then "kissed" him. Did you ever stop to think she may have slept with the guy, decided she didn't want him after all and came back crying.

good woman.......please.

 

[coder]

Stop Praising Her!

Stop praising this girl for "confessing". She did not do it because he is a nice person; she did it because she is selfish. Women do not do things for logical reasons like men do. They do what their emotions tell them to do and use logic to justify their actions later, if they need to. A woman tells you she kissed another guy for two reasons. The first reason is to see if you get jealous. If they feel threatened of losing you, they will try to make you jealous to draw you closer. This is not why she did this. When she told you that she gave her number to a guy at a bar, she was testing you and you failed big time. You even praised her for doing it! This told her that you are wrapped around her little finger and you would delude yourself into believing anything she said to keep her. Your value to her dropped about 90% when you did that. You transformed yourself from a diamond ring into a plastic toy when you did that. Imagine yourself walking into a bar and asking a woman for her phone number. Do you do that because you want a drinking buddy or because you want to fvck her? If you answered drinking buddy, you are really wasting your time on this forum. Forget all this stuff and just marry the first girl you can get to take a ring from you. Spend the next 60 years deluding yourself as you are doing now.

She told you about it because she had feelings of guilt that she couldn’t shake off so she thought telling you would make HER feel better. Did it make you feel good? How do you think she thought it would make you feel? She knew it would make you feel like shyt, but cared only about how SHE felt. You were such a chump about the phone number thing that she thought you’d just delude yourself about this as well. Is she right? It sounds to me like she is. The problem is you care for her a great deal more than she cares about you. Protect your heart, my friend, it’s about to get scared badly if you let it.

 

[Skel]

as far as im concenred everyone gets one mistake.

 

[yunghova35]

Originally posted by Skel
as far as im concenred everyone gets one mistake.

her giving her number out was the FIRST mistake

 

[Jay-X]

i don't know man... something similar has happened to me and i'm still with her, but there's a little difference.

if i got it well, she cheated on you after having sex with you (she was a virgin) and having stayed with you for 5 months... that's not too good from her...

a month ago, my girlfriend admitted kissing another guy after a month that we had been together (she admitted it 8 months after). i forgave her, since we had been in a relationship for just a month when she did that (she kissed a guy who she had known for ages, while we both were at the seaside... nothing too deprecable)... you have been together for 5 months, so your girlfriend knew that it was a LTR thing... when it happened to me, she had given me nothing more than blow jobs, while you already had had sex...

i'm not sure if i would want to stay with her, if i were in you... just if you are COMPLETELY SURE that she's not going to do it again... if she will, it's going to hurt bad, man, so you're advised...

 

[flyinshark]

Originally posted by dig it
but i would have thought you would have made a decision already.

My hesitations were coming from the fact that i still had feelings for her and also from the fact that i have never broke up with a girl before. I guess there's a first time for everything.

So yeah, i am planning to call her tonight and break-up with her. The more i think about her cheating on me, the more pissed off i become at her behavior. It's inexcusable!

Originally posted by fuzzx
I made out with some guys girlfriend about a week ago in Brazil... do you live in brazil?

No, i live in Canada. So the girl u banged wasn't the one in question

Originally posted by coder
When she told you that she gave her number to a guy at a bar, she was testing you and you failed big time. You even praised her for doing it! This told her that you are wrapped around her little finger and you would delude yourself into believing anything she said to keep her.

I did believe what she was telling me. I trusted her. I always trust people until proof that they should not be trusted. But i'd like u to elaborate about what i should have said when she tested me. Women seem to test men so often, and knowing how to respond to those tests can make or break a relationship, so please share what the "good" answer would have been for this particular jealousy test.

 

[MetalFortress]

"She then felt like crying and told me that she now realizes how big a mistake she made and that she loves me so much. She told me to not do this to her, and that by kissing that guy she realized that it's with me that she wants to be (huh?). "

*bangs head againt wall repeatedly*

I would have lost it as soon as she said that. -_-

 

[JohnJones]

Originally posted by MetalFortress
"She then felt like crying and told me that she now realizes how big a mistake she made and that she loves me so much. She told me to not do this to her, and that by kissing that guy she realized that it's with me that she wants to be (huh?). "

*bangs head againt wall repeatedly*

I would have lost it as soon as she said that. -_-

Agreed. This statement supports the unofficial life philosophy of almost all women -- that love and things like love (we call it attention seeking and low self exteem being fed) are forces in the universe like gravity that must be obeyed, and that women are, at a moment's notice, subject to being overtaken and possessed by them. It's not their fault because they were victimized by an outside force.

Imagine how much she would have realized she loved you if she'd banged the guy...

 

[coder]

You should have reacted to the phone number thing just like you did to the “kiss”. The reaction to the “kiss” was how a MAN reacts. I am guessing that when she told you that, your initial reaction was anger and you let your intellect step in and rationalize the behavior. Then you didn’t react like a man, which made you unattractive to her. When you did react like a man, what happened? She immediately wanted you back. Women want MEN. When you don’t act like a man, they suddenly aren’t attracted to you and don’t even know why. If she was into you, the last thing she would have done is “kiss” another guy. If you had reacted to the phone number, that would have been the end of it for the other guy. The good thing is that you already know how to act like a man, it’s just that you have programmed yourself to suppress it whenever you need it the most.

If I were you (which I’m not) I would tell her that I don’t believe that all she did was kiss this guy and if she tells me everything right now, I will give her another chance. Just to see what she says. If she continues to say it was just a kiss, I would say that this relationship cannot continue because I can never trust her again. If what she told me she did made me real mad, I would tell her to go be with him then because we are through.

 

[geneticperfection]

Originally posted by JohnJones
Imagine how much she would have realized she loved you if she'd banged the guy...

I've been off these forums for a while, but this line really stands out. If you're willing to buy that kissing another guy made her love you more, then JohnJones has a huge point here.
All the kiss *really* made her do was feel guilty, and she decided "love" was a better thing to express. I've been in her shoes when I was younger, and said similar words. They sounded stupid to me when I said them, and they were false when I said them. They sound even stupider and falser when I hear them.

All in all, she may just be feeling guilty. But chances are she will either leave you in a few months, or cheat on you again - she may be a wonderful girl, but your value dropped the second she did it. I'd recommend walking away from this one in a manner which leaves you looking like the prince. Manly, yet not an uncaring ass.

 

[redCobra1]

think of it this way...satitistically she is about 60 percent MORE likely to cheat on you if shes under the age of 18 and has slept with less than 3 people..this goes to the notion she may be wondering IS THIS ALL THERE IS TO SEX...she cuirous and is BOUND to think about it

 

[geneticperfection]

Originally posted by coder
You should have reacted to the phone number thing just like you did to the “kiss”. The reaction to the “kiss” was how a MAN reacts. I am guessing that when she told you that, your initial reaction was anger and you let your intellect step in and rationalize the behavior. Then you didn’t react like a man, which made you unattractive to her. When you did react like a man, what happened? She immediately wanted you back. Women want MEN. When you don’t act like a man, they suddenly aren’t attracted to you and don’t even know why. If she was into you, the last thing she would have done is “kiss” another guy. If you had reacted to the phone number, that would have been the end of it for the other guy. The good thing is that you already know how to act like a man, it’s just that you have programmed yourself to suppress it whenever you need it the most.

If I were you (which I’m not) I would tell her that I don’t believe that all she did was kiss this guy and if she tells me everything right now, I will give her another chance. Just to see what she says. If she continues to say it was just a kiss, I would say that this relationship cannot continue because I can never trust her again. If what she told me she did made me real mad, I would tell her to go be with him then because we are through.

Coder, I'm going to disagree with you strongly. Letting your emotions run rampant is NOT being a man. Controlling them is. Perhaps flyinshark may have messed something up, but the fact that he was so cool about it says volumes about his self-confidence. But it may have helped to have laid out the other guys game-plan - we're guys, we know how it works. If we break the other guys game, and the girl can see through it, he loses his "mystique".

Also, I wouldnt keep her around waiting for her to tell me the "truth" - it may have just been a kiss (although prolly involved touching and **** too). So she cant win either way. You may be best served by walking away from this one, as many other posters have said. You're a man, and can get many other girls. You dont need her. 5 months may seem like a lot, but put it in perspective of your entire life - you only lost 5 months instead of more.

 

[Deadly_Assassin]

tell her you will only take her back if she lets you kiss another girl. nah just joking mate!

anyway heres what happened to my mate just few days ago:

He went out with his gf for 8months and guess what?, she goes to some party, apparantly gets drunk, doesnt know whats happening and ends up sleeping with another guy. SHe tells my mate her bf straight away what happened according TO HER. My mate is angry and thinks about breaking up with her. But in the end he still keeps her. Because he loves her.

2 months gone, my mate finds out what actually happened. She goes to the party is kinda semi drunk, but is still fully aware of whats happening, has sex with the guy at about 3.30am in the morning and sleep with him in bed. They wake up and have sex again and they just lie in bed cuddling with each other. When she leaves she even gives him a goodbye kiss. As soon as my mate finds this out he gets angry again and tries to talk to her about this. Guess what, she dumps him. And now my mate cant believe what has happened. Hes still not over her, cant get over the fact that after all that hes done he gets dumped. And is still hoping that one day she will realise that what a awesome guy he was and maybe she will come back to him.

I feel sorry for my mate and wish I could help him in any way. I told him to go overseas for a few weeks, get with some chicks there and just clear up his head and come back and make a new start. But he cant cos he cant get off work.

Now do u want this to happen to you? if not, then dump her. Tell her you want someone better who is committed and faithful to the relationship. Tell this in a cool manner and thats all you gonna say. Dont listen to her I love you and blah blah blah crap. Let her know you are not interested in one bit of it. I know its hard but you have to move on man, theres plenty of faithful ones out there that deserve you.

 

[coder]

geneticperfection
I must not have expressed myself well at all. I did not mean that he shouldn’t be in control of his emotions. I agree with you that you should always be in control of your emotions. What I was trying to say is that when she told him that she gave her phone number to a guy at a bar, his initial reaction should have been that she is interested in fvcking this guy and he should have reacted accordingly. He should have made it clear at that time that this is unacceptable if she wants to be in an LTR with him. Saying that you will not continue an LTR with someone because you can’t trust them because of their actions is not letting you emotions run rampant. It is being smart. And it is being a man.

 

[MindOverMatter]

edit, i read the whole post:

I also anticipated that he'd try to kiss her, and told her he'd do it soon, and she reassured me that it wont happen. Damn, this very Sunday i asked her in a humorous tone "so, did he try to kiss u yet?" and she said "no, he's not like u think he is". It turns out that she had kissed him on Friday...

and you are wondering whether or not to stay with her? are you f*cking retarded? SHE GAVE HER NUMBER OUT TO A GUY IN A BAR, SHE KISSED HIM, SHE LIED TO YOU.

if you stay with her, you are the world's biggest idiot, and deserve what's coming next.

ugh reading this sh!t frustrates me. what the f*ck is wrong with you man? why do you put up with this sh!t?! where are your f*cking balls?!

 

[flyinshark]

Originally posted by MindOverMatter
if you stay with her, you are the world's biggest idiot, and deserve what's coming next.

You're right, although i wouldn't use such words. The question here is not that i am an idiot, but that i am inexperienced. Otherwise i wouldnt have looked for advice.

But man, it's unanimous, everyone urges me to dump her and u're all right. So here goes...i'm calling her in 30 minutes.

 

[SpeedRunner]

Was it just a kiss? Whats the big deal then? Yes that is a problem but not necessarily that big of one. Just tell her that she needs to make it up to you. Tell her to take you out or something. Make her buy you something. Tell her to give you a *******.

in all seriousness, we all fvck up sometimes and she could be truely sorry. If thats so then she deserves a second chance. The girl is only human. Just be a man and tell her what you expect from her from now on.

If you come on this forum for advice, all these guys will say is "NEXT!"

 

[Kerensky]

Originally posted by SpeedRunner


Was it just a kiss? Whats the big deal then? Yes that is a problem but not necessarily that big of one. Just tell her that she needs to make it up to you. Tell her to take you out or something. Make her buy you something. Tell her to give you a *******.

in all seriousness, we all fvck up sometimes and she could be truely sorry. If thats so then she deserves a second chance. The girl is only human. Just be a man and tell her what you expect from her from now on.

If you come on this forum for advice, all these guys will say is "NEXT!"

Here, let me give you a suggestion:

1) Shut the fuk up.
2) repeat as necessary.

Ok flyinshark. I'm glad you had some DJ in you from the start. You had the BALLS to stand up to her and are open-minded enough to see both sides of the issue without being blinded by your feelings.

Onto the issue: Dump her like a garbage truck in an alley...or maybe they do it in landfills. I agree with you on trust. I trust people unless they violate it and disrespect me like she disrespected you.

All those people talking about "second chances." No one gets a second chance. A second chance for someone else is only a second chance for them to screw you over. That is a fact of life. Wake up outta your little Barney wannabe dream world and smell the real fukin roses.

Good luck flyinshark and godspeed the dumpage of this cheater.