my gf kissed another guy

[flyinshark]

replies

I have had a good night's sleep. And i now have read all your posts again carefully. Here are some replies to what has been said.

geneticperfection:

I'll say what I said before: if she's still growing, you will probably get hurt again within the next year. If she's done growing, this might be all it takes.

Yes, she does seem a little immature based on her behavior, and it happened a few times before that she wasn't sure of what she wanted. It's not a good thing, but hey, now we can assume that she has learned what NOT to do Geesh, i feel like i am her life teacher or something. She does have great qualities and her slight immaturity should not be a "make it or break it" criterion.


Squid:

Do you really think you will be able to trust her when she calls you long distance and tells you she's going out to a bar or party now?

Of course not. She has lost my trust, and i will doubt her from now on, no matter what she tells me. See my next post, however...


Layla:

A) She was in a CLUB, and she gave out her number for crying out loud! While shes dating you!
B) She MADE OUT with this guy. It probably wasnt just a "kiss". Shes just saying that to lighten it.
C) She lied to you by telling you on sunday that she wouldnt do those kinds of things with that guy, while she did it on friday, three days beforehand.

Yes, very true and it's awful behavior from her part. In her defence, assuming her slight immaturity, here are some notes:

A) she gave her phone number in a club thinking that that guy just wanted to be friends. She is not really a clubbing girl, so she might not have been aware of the common practices that take place in there.
B) i also doubt it was just a kiss, so i cant defend her on this one
C) she lied because she wasn't ready to admit it just yet. Guilt, embarassment, fear, might all have played a role. Girls are almost never as direct as guys are, so this is universal.


MindOverMatter:

The only reason she regrets cheating on you now is because she feels like a sl*t man (which she is). She doesn't feel sorry that she did that to you, she only wants you to forgive her so she can feel good about herself again.

Excellent point. It is very probable that this is the case. The only thig is that i cannot know for sure, so she has the benefit of the doubt here.

You can't forgive that! Do what a man has to do, and move on! Girls come and go, but your self-respect & dignity...once you lose them, they're gone man.

Guys, am i losing all my self-respect & dignity by giving this girl a chance? I feel that if i do give her a chance, it shows a good heart and willingness to understand that people make mistakes. Now before someone explodes after reading the last sentence, read my next post...


Kaine:

I don't think anyone has suggested that you keep her around as a fcukbuddy yet. [...] Then in future just enjoy the sex and date other girls. Don't take her too seriously. Then go from there.

It has already been suggested. My good morals don't allow me to treat this girl as just some fvck object. Let me explain. I think there are 2 categories of girls: 1.sluts, 2.good girls. I would apply your point and just use this girl as a fcukbuddy if she was in the 1st category, and i wouldn't feel bad about it at all! Now, using a good girl as a fcukbuddy seems wrong to me.

 

[flyinshark]

what i'll do

Here are some of my thoughts at this moment.

I consider myself relatively mature for my age and sufficiently strong to deal with a girl that tries to hurt me. Yesterday she caused me a head ache, suggesting that my previous sentence is rubbish, but today i feel almost perfectly relaxed and confident. Also mention that i DID break up with her yesterday, showing that i was ready to start anew, without her in my life. Hopefully this shows that i am not desperate about this girl.

However (and this is where maybe half of the readers will shake their heads, call me a dumbass, and leave this thread), i wanna follow BigWillyStyle's and tmpgstx's advice that said "its all about how YOU feel" and "follow your GUT". And i feel the following: I wanna see her on friday in person. I wanna let her talk to me and i wanna see what i feel about her at that moment, when we will be face to face. If she makes me feel like she deserves a second chance, she'll get it, beacause she's got good qualities overall (and one nasty one at least, as we all know). If not, it's OVER.

Now, assuming that she gets her second chance, our relationship won't be the same as before. I now know that she can't be trusted, and it will take a lot of time for me to start giving her SOME of my trust back. I will never forget this incident and this means that i will keep an eye out for her cheating again. There won't be a third chance, rest assured!

Now, almost everyone tells me that she will cheat on me again. I am aware of that, and she'll be out of my life if she does. I wanna add that yeah, it will make me feel bad if she does, but it won't be as bad as this time because i will be more or less expecting it. I am more detached emotionally with her now, and will continue to be like this for a long time, in order to avoid myself any hard feelings in case of her cheating in the future. I now feel strong enough to deal with her.

If i do find some other interesting girl in the future (and there is already a really cool girl with whom there could be sparkles), and assuming that my current gf sways again or seems hesitant about our relationship, i will go out with the new girl without hesitation.

Sounds good?

 

[Giovanni Casanova]

You're wasting your time on this girl, and you're doing some very classic psychological rationalizing.

This girl has pissed in the pool of your relationship, but because the pool is familiar and comfortable, you don't want to leave it. In the meantime, nothing will change the fact that you're swimming in piss.

 

[yunghova35]

Originally posted by SpeedRunner You guys are assuming that this girl is a total biotch and is playin this guy. Im assuming there is some good in this girl.

If there was GOOD in this chick she WOULDN’T have had her fuggin lips on another guy.

Originally posted by SpeedRunner
In fact I think that nexting her would be a sign of weakness, "I cant handle you" would be the message.

And I’m not really sure where you live or what idiot planet it’s on but I CANT handle a CHEATER,

Originally posted by flyinshark

Edit: Ps. She said "if u really love me then you wouldn't break-up with me". And i replied that "if she loved me, she wouldn't have cheated on me". I guess she didnt really like that...

Standing FUGGIN Ovation

Originally posted by flyinshark
I dumped her like 15 minutes ago and now she just called me and said that she wants me back and loves me and wants to meet me in person instead of talking on the phone. She wants to come in my city this friday to see me, cuz "she misses me"... She was like "i will never, ever, in my life do that again to you, because i know how much i hurt u and i dont want u to feel like that ever again"...

Guys, dont flame me for being weak and doubting, i am already emotionally tired from this story. But do try to think what u would honestly do in this very situation if it happened to you, and maybe share your thoughts.

So basically i am restating the main question of this thread, but in the light of what just happened...I mean, she is desperately trying to keep me. Can that mean that she's not a b**** but a girl that genuinely wants to be with me and genuinely regretting what she has done?

For the love of GOD do NOT answer her calls or see her you WILL want to take her back. If you do see her, she will make you feel guilty and even try to sleep with you so do not take her calls or see her.

THIS is going to be the hardest part so turn off your ringer, try to stay out of the house. DO NOT COMMUNICATE in ANY way wit this chick, its natural to want what we cant have and this is why she is begging for you.

DON’T FALL FOR IT




I know a LOT of guys here say just fugg her but DO NOT, you have an emotional attachment to this girl and doing so will only make it stronger so like I have said CUT off ALL lines of communication with her ASAP

Originally posted by flyinshark
It has already been suggested. My good morals don't allow me to treat this girl as just some fvck object. Let me explain. I think there are 2 categories of girls: 1.sluts, 2.good girls. I would apply your point and just use this girl as a fcukbuddy if she was in the 1st category, and i wouldn't feel bad about it at all! Now, using a good girl as a fcukbuddy seems wrong to me.

how can you STILL label her as good when she cheated, do you feel cheating is GOOD???

Originally posted by flyinshark
Now, almost everyone tells me that she will cheat on me again. I am aware of that, and she'll be out of my life if she does. I wanna add that yeah, it will make me feel bad if she does, but it won't be as bad as this time because i will be more or less expecting it. I am more detached emotionally with her now, and will continue to be like this for a long time, in order to avoid myself any hard feelings in case of her cheating in the future. I now feel strong enough to deal with her.

Now if and when she does something do you HONESLTY think she will tell you this time (if you take her back) she knows what she’s going thru with you and she doesn’t like it therefore when this happens again SHE will NOT tell you.

And this IS your BIGGEST risk

 

[Squid]

Originally posted by Giovanni Casanova
You're wasting your time on this girl, and you're doing some very classic psychological rationalizing.

This girl has pissed in the pool of your relationship, but because the pool is familiar and comfortable, you don't want to leave it. In the meantime, nothing will change the fact that you're swimming in piss.

Couldn't agree more Giovanni.

flyinshark, it's your life, your choice. I have a pretty good idea what's going to happen with this down the road, I've seen it too many times, but you need to live it to understand so the next time you protect yourself.

good luck, keep us posted.

 

[flyinshark]

yunghova35:

Now if and when she does something do you HONESLTY think she will tell you this time (if you take her back) she knows what she’s going thru with you and she doesn’t like it therefore when this happens again SHE will NOT tell you.
And this IS your BIGGEST risk

Very valid point. She most probably won't tell me, and this sucks, come to think of it.


So i agree with everyone that tells me that she'll do it again, but i am still considering giving her a 2nd chance...What must i be thinking, you ask yourselves. What i'm thinking is that i wanna try this (possibly wrong) path and bang my head on a wall if she cheats again on me. That's right, i almost wish she'll cheat on me again and i find out about it. Why? I wanna live this situation for myself and dont just refuse to go down that path and not know what it feels like to be in the situation of the guy whose gf cheated on him after he gave her a second chance.

Like Squid put it:

I have a pretty good idea what's going to happen with this down the road, I've seen it too many times, but you need to live it to understand so the next time you protect yourself.

I think it will benefit me in the long run.

Of course, dumping her here and now also has it's benefits. It would make me more of a MAN and give me a confidence boost.

So, i can learn something from both possible choices i now have. I just tend to choose the former one, but it's not official yet, as i still have to see the girl this Friday.

 

[JohnJones]

Originally posted by flyinshark
This girl is driving me insane.

I dumped her like 15 minutes ago and now she just called me and said that she wants me back and loves me and wants to meet me in person instead of talking on the phone. She wants to come in my city this friday to see me, cuz "she misses me"... She was like "i will never, ever, in my life do that again to you, because i know how much i hurt u and i dont want u to feel like that ever again"...

Guys, dont flame me for being weak and doubting, i am already emotionally tired from this story. But do try to think what u would honestly do in this very situation if it happened to you, and maybe share your thoughts.

So basically i am restating the main question of this thread, but in the light of what just happened...I mean, she is desperately trying to keep me. Can that mean that she's not a b**** but a girl that genuinely wants to be with me and genuinely regretting what she has done?

There have to be a million posts above that I haven't read but I had to stop at this one.

What chicks who cheat don't understand is that by cheating, they've demonstrated that they have so little value in the universe that it would be insane for any man to BOTHER being hurt about it. Don't do me any favors in feeling sympathy for me... you're not worth it

 

[squirrels]

Treat a ho like a ho.

If she can't stand being treated like a ho, dump her.

If YOU can't stand treating her like a ho, dump her.

If it was just an "innocent" kiss she wouldn't have felt guilty about it and been begging for forgiveness.

 

[dig it]

Ok.

You are acting on emotion. You have rationalised everything away logically.

Logic and emotion do not mix. Emotion does not react well to logic.

Bad.

You have made your second mistake. We can hardly blame you since its just natural to feel "less" without the girl, even after something such as she done has happened.

Its going to be hard, but you have to leave her behind.

Remember our words the next time she does this to you.

Things like this dont get better with time or any amount of effort.

Sorry man. You chose a rotten apple.

But if its something you have to do to learn something, or even just try it out for yourself just to see, then to my way of thinking, do it....but only on that condition.

You should have dumped her and never spoken to her again. But you didnt. We said that to make things best for you, because this is a case of 'more' not being better. Less of her is.

There is no benificial path for you now....the one you have chosen to tread is only thrawt with danger to your emotions....

Now you are speaking to her, i can offer only one more piece of advice for your benifit, and that is do not get attached. Its the weaklings way...sure... Any piece of advice is only 90% in any case i would suppose, the world is random....By not getting attached emotionally will allow you to be with her tainted goods and be able to cut her off again with ease.

Now look. There is finality in all this. Humans never change. Therefore what they do as a result of who they are never changes.

I am sure this has happened a million times in the past, and each time its been the same. You can't trust her, so whats the point? Now she knows she has it over you, and i doubt she respects you....because her wanting to be back with you has nothing to do with you, beleive me....its all about her. The way of attraction does not work like that, you have forever changed the order, and it will be hard to change it back....you are best to start clean with a more suitable prospect....

Weight it up. And make an informed correct choice, or live and learn. I mean, even as children we want to touch the hot-plate, even when our parents said it was very hot....but when i touched it, and it WAS hot, i never did again....

thats what i am talking about.

And i can vouch that me for one, with the number of girls i have been with, i too have come across this very thing, and we are wary for a good reason. Look over our posts.

Live and learn is for you. Protect yourself though.

 

[JohnJones]

If you do actually care for her in any real way, then by dumping her, right now where it's clear whose fault it is, you teach her what happens when she cheats. She's young? Then this is a valuable lesson to her because it will mean something to her.

Later on, if you do break up (which you will since you're both so young), she will add this incident into a mix of "reasons why you weren't meant for each other." In her mind, she will view the cheating as part of growing up or just one of those things that should have told her she wasn't that into you, or some dopey girl-think.

Lastly, whether you are really wounded about this or not, if she's still with you, you will always remember that there's a guy out there who almost (and maybe did) score on her. Are you going to have discussions with her about whether its okay to talk to him (because if she was afraid of hurting his feelings, I don't see her blowing him off anytime soon)? Are you going to sit for even a second where he might be writing her letters, etc.?

And if you are injured (and why shouldn't you be) seriously, why in the world would you hang with someone who has injured you emotionally?

 

[frivolousz21]

DO NOT GO BACK TO HER...AND DONT SAY THAT YOU WANT TO EXPERIENCE THIS!

YOU ARE JUST WEAK! THERE IS NO OTHER WAY TO PUT IT..WEAK!

YOU WONT LEAVE HER BECAUSE ITS FAMILIAR AND YOU DONT HAVE THE BALLS TO MOVE ON TO WHATS NEXT IN UR LIFE!

COME ON MAN THERE ARE MILLIONS OF WOMEN OUT THERE......WHY DATE SOME HO THAT LIVES 2 HOURS AWAY!

sorry for the caps but you are acting stupid on this one dawg..best of luck

the bytch could be talking to him right now??


how do u know???? she is 2 hours away..I cant believe you are doing this to urself? start looking at the BIG PICTURE YOU ARE 20 YRS OLD! GO HAVE FUN..IF U HAPPEN TO MEET SOMEONE GOOD FOR YOU..BUT HAVE FUN IN THE PROCESS! I WASTED 3 YRS OF MY LIFE IN A ****TY LTR..I CHEATED ON HER ALOT...SHE WOULD COME BACK EVERYTIME SHE SUSPECTED IT? WHY BECAUSE SHE IS ACTING LIKE YOU ARE.

 

[Alen-Delon]

Shyt happens man. your problem is that you are to attached to this idea of cheating. it was not cheating. and its a good thing that she kissed that other guy. you might think that i am talking nonsense, but i am not. only because shes n the relationship with you doesnt mean that you own her, that she should be commited to you 100%. lets look at the facts, she was in the club and this supposebly attractive guy asked her for her fone number she gave it to him. If you were in the club and HB9 asked you for you phone number "even though u were in a relationship" wouldnt u give it to her. i sure as hell would. so he starts calling her and they discover this chemistry betwen them. ok so this HB 9 call you and you start of with convo what starts of as a friendship" ends up two of you in her house. ok back to her so she in this guys place having "smirnoffs" (yuck i hate that shyt) so she got a lil drunk ok ( the following noone knows excpet her and him). back to you, so you are at this hb9's house drinking a warm glass of fine Cognac enojoying a convo, she offered you to jump into the jacuzzi, Wouldnt you ? think about it, after all it was a goodtime and not cheating. like i said shyt happens to the best of us. you problem is attachment to her to the idea of cheating and to the whole sitation let go of it. and you ll be fine.

p.s did u say she lived 2 hours away and u saw her once a week if that.

 

[Squid]

Originally posted by Alen-Delon
Shyt happens man. your problem is that you are to attached to this idea of cheating. it was not cheating. and its a good thing that she kissed that other guy. you might think that i am talking nonsense, but i am not. only because shes n the relationship with you doesnt mean that you own her, that she should be commited to you 100%. lets look at the facts, she was in the club and this supposebly attractive guy asked her for her fone number she gave it to him. If you were in the club and HB9 asked you for you phone number "even though u were in a relationship" wouldnt u give it to her. i sure as hell would. so he starts calling her and they discover this chemistry betwen them. ok so this HB 9 call you and you start of with convo what starts of as a friendship" ends up two of you in her house. ok back to her so she in this guys place having "smirnoffs" (yuck i hate that shyt) so she got a lil drunk ok ( the following noone knows excpet her and him). back to you, so you are at this hb9's house drinking a warm glass of fine Cognac enojoying a convo, she offered you to jump into the jacuzzi, Wouldnt you ? think about it, after all it was a goodtime and not cheating. like i said shyt happens to the best of us. you problem is attachment to her to the idea of cheating and to the whole sitation let go of it. and you ll be fine.

p.s did u say she lived 2 hours away and u saw her once a week if that.

I typed a reply to this but decided to delete it, the stupidity in this post is beyond words.

 

[frivolousz21]

Shyt happens man. your problem is that you are to attached to this idea of cheating. it was not cheating. and its a good thing that she kissed that other guy. you might think that i am talking nonsense, but i am not. only because shes n the relationship with you doesnt mean that you own her, that she should be commited to you 100%. lets look at the facts, she was in the club and this supposebly attractive guy asked her for her fone number she gave it to him. If you were in the club and HB9 asked you for you phone number "even though u were in a relationship" wouldnt u give it to her. i sure as hell would. so he starts calling her and they discover this chemistry betwen them. ok so this HB 9 call you and you start of with convo what starts of as a friendship" ends up two of you in her house. ok back to her so she in this guys place having "smirnoffs" (yuck i hate that shyt) so she got a lil drunk ok ( the following noone knows excpet her and him). back to you, so you are at this hb9's house drinking a warm glass of fine Cognac enojoying a convo, she offered you to jump into the jacuzzi, Wouldnt you ? think about it, after all it was a goodtime and not cheating. like i said shyt happens to the best of us. you problem is attachment to her to the idea of cheating and to the whole sitation let go of it. and you ll be fine.

this is the most rediculous thing ive ever heard.

lets see I have a LTR Now...why cheat on her when I can?
play sports, watch sports, work, educate myself, play video games, watch tv, sit on the internet, go out to bars with friends to have a good tme, play tennis, play texas hold em, read a book, **** HER BRAINS OUT, spend time with her, hang out with her, cook meals with her, see my family, and friends, look up hobbies and interests.


people who cant live without cheating are insecure losers who cant figure out other great things besides attentiona and sex.

 

[Alen-Delon]

let hear your reply.

 

[frivolousz21]

its about loyalty and commitment..its goes beyond cheating...

weather its family, friends or your women.

those are things that will help your life greatly cheating on my girl is the same as lying to one of my Boys and ****ing them over as well.

its breaking my own integridy as well as the trust of others..and **** doesnt just happen to the best of us..
only the WEAK make stupid mistakes. and only Liars cheat.

if you are going to cheat on ur girl..then tell her you are making new female friends that will probably end up as girls you will get with when ur drinking see how well she takes that...also how would u take it if she told you that?

 

[Alen-Delon]

its may sound ridiculous to you, but you dont know what happend there, all i msaying is that put in the similar situation 99% of you if not 100% would cheat if thats what u wanna call it.

 

[frivolousz21]

thats why you dont get put into that situation.

I realize some guys have other interests than me..but for instance...its April 6th that means MLB is back...I would rather watch the 2 worst teams in the game than cheat on my girl..and cause stupid drama in my life..so I wont put myself in that situatuon.

she obviously wanted to be with somoene else or she wouldnt have

 

[Alen-Delon]

Originally posted by frivolousz21
its about loyalty and commitment..its goes beyond cheating...

weather its family, friends or your women.

those are things that will help your life greatly cheating on my girl is the same as lying to one of my Boys and ****ing them over as well.

its breaking my own integridy as well as the trust of others..and **** doesnt just happen to the best of us..
only the WEAK make stupid mistakes. and only Liars cheat.

if you are going to cheat on ur girl..then tell her you are making new female friends that will probably end up as girls you will get with when ur drinking see how well she takes that...also how would u take it if she told you that?

That is why Male and females can never be JUSt FRIENDS, when his Gf told him she was finding the new guy friend he should have acted there and put the end what would be the potential (this). isnt having gf cooking and watching sports together on the couch get fuking old? well guess not in Belleville IL.

 

[Squid]

Originally posted by Alen-Delon
its may sound ridiculous to you, but you dont know what happend there, all i msaying is that put in the similar situation 99% of you if not 100% would cheat if thats what u wanna call it.

I suspect you may not have experienced a mature relationship yet. I wouldn't cheat because I would have to live with myself afterwards and I wouldn't be very proud of it. As time goes on and you have been with alot of different women you come to realize that sex with a stranger isn't that big a deal if you have something good with your current partner. Why blow everything you have for sex with some chick nomatter how hot she is? Especially if your having great sex at home?