Dear Expos,
Please realise this -- this woman is a CANCER. She will KILL you just like a malignant tumour grows inside your body and destroys it. She will destroy you if you allow her back into your life. I am sorry to be so descriptive with my metaphor because it is quite sickening, but I am afraid it is the truth.
No woman, and I mean NO WOMAN is worth dying inside over, or dying fullstop.
I caught Herpes a year or so ago, and so left the GAME. Even though my 'disease' gave me nothing but minor symptoms and it is a laughably unserious skin condition, it carries a huge stigma in the west so I no longer persue women. So yes, I have not had sex in over a year.
Why do I bring this up? Because -- once you realise that the main reason you give women the time of day is only because you want to fvck them, you realise how insignificant they really are. Think about it -- you are obviously not gay right -- so do you do the beta things like buy your best buddy dinner, buy him roses, play a Peter Gabriel song "In your eyes" or whatever it was called, from a boombox outside the window of some chick like John Cusack did in one of his sickly romantic comedies? No you don't, because you don't want to fcvk your best buddy do you.
This does not mean I "hate" on women now, or don't believe they can not add value to your life. But they must add value on YOUR TERMS not on theirs. This is not sexist. This is what nature intended. Does not mean you have to be a muslim wife beater, but it does mean you need to shape any future relationship with a woman in a manner that is totally foreign to how you have shaped them in the past.
What I am saying is this: Once you no longer can fvck women (forced on me in my case, perhaps a flawed moral decision on my part but there you have it) you lose all desire to mix and associate with women on any level other than what may be required in your profession -- at least I did.
When I see a woman now, I don't see her as a potential fvck partner for reasons stated, I see her as just another person, and you know what? Almost without fail you realise why all the great inventions, the great writing, the great civilisations of the world were all created by men.
Try go back to the cave or hunter gatherer days in your mind. You think the men back then gave a sh!t what women thought about anything? A womens job was to look after the kids and cook the kill that you brought back from a days hunting with your other male warriors.
I am not saying cavemen were not affectionate to their women and their kids, what I am saying is, is that a MAN can survive and thrive without the input of women in his life.
I hesitate to say that catching the herp was the best thing that happened to me, because I would prefer not to have it due to the stigma. However -- it has been a life changer in terms of exposing to me the truth about women and their place in your life.
What I have said here will not resonate with white knighters and manginas, of which there are some on this mature man board -- or at least there were as you have been given some great advice in this thread I must admit -- but you must realise that the myth of a woman with a 'Mother Theresa personality' combined with the body of a young Elle McPherson just does not exist.
You must move on from this Kunt (sorry that is what she is if what you have described is accurate). You may or may not find a decent woman in the future that adds value on YOUR TERMS, but let me tell you this: Women are not a prerequisite to you having a happy fulfilling life as a man. Once you realise this your life will change -- though of course I hope it does not take catching an STD to force you to realise this. You can at least still get your rocks off and spin some plates, but keep the mindset that I have proffered here and you will go well.
Good luck.
Zunder.
