Has she ever been raped or sexually abused in her past? This can cause dysfunctional sexual habits for women. In some cases, even when it didn't happen to them but to a loved one. I dated a girl a few years ago who's mother and sister had been raped in the past. She was EXACTLY like how you described your girlfriend. She was very weird about sex except for when she was drunk. There were times where if the word rape was even mentioned while we were watching TV, she'd turn off sexually for weeks sometimes. I also believe that she was bipolar but never diagnosed. I'm not sure if bipolar disorder can play a role in sexuality but I wouldn't be surprised if it did.
Moved in with girlfriend and no sex
- Thread starter DJinTraining06
- Start date
Mate, before you have that talk with her, make sure that if you have to kick her out, it'll be a clean one. Are you renting or do you own the place? Are your names on any contract together?
Firstly you have to get it out of your head that telling her this makes you feel like a pig. You are doing nothing wrong. It's a very much valid concern. You might not be satisfying her in some things, emotionally or physically, but she's choosing NOT to communicate that to you - that's not something a high IL quality woman whom you'd want to marry does. In other words, it's not your fault.
Secondly, you should probably accept it by now that it IS over. A woman who truly cares for you would never let the situation deteriorate to this level. Even if she proclaims otherwise, her actions tell the story. The best you can do now is damage limitation: kick her out swiftly and cleanly, and minimize drama as well as any attempt to damage your reputation.
When you talk to her about it, don't bring up numbers like the average couple have sex blah times a month. Tell her that you *feel* (use that word at the start of every sentence) unloved, you feel that she's not being affectionate or loving towards you as she used to be and it bothers you greatly as you love & care for her, and want the same in return.
The only response you'd accept from her is a sincere apology, her admitting responsibility, explanation on what went wrong (without using it as an excuse) and actually working together to fix it. I doubt you'd get anywhere near that from this woman though. Anything less than that: get rid of her.
Firstly you have to get it out of your head that telling her this makes you feel like a pig. You are doing nothing wrong. It's a very much valid concern. You might not be satisfying her in some things, emotionally or physically, but she's choosing NOT to communicate that to you - that's not something a high IL quality woman whom you'd want to marry does. In other words, it's not your fault.
Secondly, you should probably accept it by now that it IS over. A woman who truly cares for you would never let the situation deteriorate to this level. Even if she proclaims otherwise, her actions tell the story. The best you can do now is damage limitation: kick her out swiftly and cleanly, and minimize drama as well as any attempt to damage your reputation.
When you talk to her about it, don't bring up numbers like the average couple have sex blah times a month. Tell her that you *feel* (use that word at the start of every sentence) unloved, you feel that she's not being affectionate or loving towards you as she used to be and it bothers you greatly as you love & care for her, and want the same in return.
The only response you'd accept from her is a sincere apology, her admitting responsibility, explanation on what went wrong (without using it as an excuse) and actually working together to fix it. I doubt you'd get anywhere near that from this woman though. Anything less than that: get rid of her.
Fact 1: Most men are AFCs.
Fact 2: Most men get married.
Q: What does that tell you?
A: Women end up marrying men, despite them being an AFC.
Why?
Because they want to settle down, want a reliable guy that won't run off to leave her as a single mum with 2 kids.
If you marry, don't count on a lot of sex
Yes, you might do it once in a while, and she'll want to have sex to have kids, but there's a big difference between sex just for having kids, and sex for fun because she is horny for you. And this girl is not horny for you. She is leading you around, keeping you around with occasional sex and hints of marriage.
An alpha male keeps women wanting sex by making them work for sex. This woman is making you work hard for the sex. She is in control of this relationship.
Based on what else you have said so far, I wouldn't count on that.
It shouldn't.
My advice:
-Next time, don't let it get this far.
What to do in a situation like this:
Set up a few candles, whatever you need to set a romantic mood, and take her to bed when she gets home. Seduce her/ If that works, and you have sex without resistance, GOOD. Flirt with her every day, lots of kino, etc. Don't let her interest drop again.
If that doesn't work, talk to her. I'm not a fan of talking, I prefer to show by actions, but after this much time, you need to make some tough choices. Tell her flat out that you aren't having enough sex. It may make her made, that doesn't matter. If she gets mad, or calls you a jerk, a pig, or a sex maniac, leave her. Of course, I doubt a little conversation will work, since people usually need more than a little chat to fix a relationship.
If none of that works, leave her. Don't call her, move out, break up. Ignore her calls. She may call back in a week or so, begging you to take her back. You can then either resume your relationship and drop her permanently at the next sign of trouble, or, even better, forget about her and move on.
Also, read this thread:
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=158399
d
She wants you to marry her cause she found her chump.
She loves controlling you and you taking it in the ass.
Its like you are the slave, pay the bills, pay the rent, be nice to me.
But to get something from me? Forget about that.
Of course she loves you, you are the chump she controls with her pinky, why wouldn't she want a man like that?
She's the man now baby!
You are the woman.
She wants you to marry her cause she found her chump.
She loves controlling you and you taking it in the ass.
Its like you are the slave, pay the bills, pay the rent, be nice to me.
But to get something from me? Forget about that.
Of course she loves you, you are the chump she controls with her pinky, why wouldn't she want a man like that?
She's the man now baby!
You are the woman.
DJinTraining06
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jcap said:
Well as far as rent and bills we split rent and bills down the middle so its not like im supporting her. We have a one year lease. But u may b right, my father actually warned me not to move in with a girl and every reason he gave me turned out to be true. One of the things he told me was that once u move in with a girl they become different and less fun. He said they no longer r happy doin watever u want to do and basically its like ur controlled by a wife without even being married. hes like who needs that? I was pissed at him meddling in it and giving me his opinion especially cuz i moved in with the intention of buying a ring within the year. But im sad to say he may be right.
DJinTraining06
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Quote:
Last time she came twice and trust me it wasnt fake i wont go into details but it wasnt.
Based on what else you have said so far, I wouldn't count on that.
Well that I assure you wasn't fake, i wasnt gonna go into detail but i might as weel to explain it. I didnt cvm yet and there was cvm to be seen, so if it wasnt mine it had to be somebodys.
Last time she came twice and trust me it wasnt fake i wont go into details but it wasnt.
Based on what else you have said so far, I wouldn't count on that.
Well that I assure you wasn't fake, i wasnt gonna go into detail but i might as weel to explain it. I didnt cvm yet and there was cvm to be seen, so if it wasnt mine it had to be somebodys.
DJinTraining06
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I hear what your saying. i hope it doesn't have to come to the point of kicking her out. But I know her very well and my guess is that if i mention it to her tonite, she will cry and go nuts and act like its my fault and pretend that I never even try and all this crap (which is nonsense) and then for the next week or 2 she'll have sex with me several times (out of pity, fear of losing me, not sure wat else her reason would be)
and then another week will pass and she'll go right back to sex once a week or two.
I do love her and i don't want to end it because of this but really its not about the sex. It is and it isn't. If she had been a girl who wasn't sexual in the first place and we rarely did it then i wouldnt be thinking anything of it.
Sure I would have been wanting more sex but i wouldnt be pissed and concerned like this. Fact is she loved sex, she initiated with me on our thrid date and used to initiate alot more than i did, shed want to do it twice in a few hrs soimetimes. She told me she slept with 6 guys before me and when she was drunk once told me stuff and then was a lil embarassed after. She told me she did it on a car once and that she gave road head to a guy. And from having sex with a girl u can tell whether they are amateurs or not. This girl is very sexual. She used to give bj's in the beginning once a month. Then it became once every few months, now its about a 1-2 times a year pace. Which to me is fine cuz alot of girls dont do it, and if they do not often. It is alot to ask i suppose. But hey i go down on her before sex alot! And i could live with the no oral if we ever had reg sex but we dont. maybe i should just cheat :yes:
and then another week will pass and she'll go right back to sex once a week or two.
I do love her and i don't want to end it because of this but really its not about the sex. It is and it isn't. If she had been a girl who wasn't sexual in the first place and we rarely did it then i wouldnt be thinking anything of it.
Sure I would have been wanting more sex but i wouldnt be pissed and concerned like this. Fact is she loved sex, she initiated with me on our thrid date and used to initiate alot more than i did, shed want to do it twice in a few hrs soimetimes. She told me she slept with 6 guys before me and when she was drunk once told me stuff and then was a lil embarassed after. She told me she did it on a car once and that she gave road head to a guy. And from having sex with a girl u can tell whether they are amateurs or not. This girl is very sexual. She used to give bj's in the beginning once a month. Then it became once every few months, now its about a 1-2 times a year pace. Which to me is fine cuz alot of girls dont do it, and if they do not often. It is alot to ask i suppose. But hey i go down on her before sex alot! And i could live with the no oral if we ever had reg sex but we dont. maybe i should just cheat :yes:
Jitterbug said:
crazymedstudent
Don Juan
it seems now you are just making excuses for her shortcomings.DJinTraining06 said:
In summary, you want more sex.
She already has what she wants so why should she even give you sex?
You say she loves having sex and is VERY sexual. EVERY girl who likes a guy in the initial stages of a relationship is VERY sexual because they are attempting to win over the guy. Unfortunately, most of the time it works on guys and they become enamored with having sex with their girlfriends as their girlfriend slowly weans them off of sex.
The fact is she doesn't really want to have sex with you anymore. If she did, she would still be trying to please you. She already has you wrapped in her palms.
You say that she used to give you oral sex more frequently early on and now she does it very rarely. Instead of being mad/annoyed at the situation and tell her this you simply make EXCUSES for her behavior by saying "if i was having sex regularly this wouldn't be a problem".
DUDE, you need to retake the pants in this relationship. Instead of moping around at home after she goes to bed, go hang out with friends, GO OUT, have a life besides being hand and feet at her at home. She isn't attracted to you sexually anymore and you need to gain that back. If she sees that you don't really want sex anymore then she MAY try to be more sexual because she might think she is losing you.
It seems as though everyday she comes home and you are there with this look on your face that says "are we going to have sex tonight?...No...okay sweetie".
stop making excuses for her. There are PLENTY of other girls that will please all your physical needs.
Honestly too, your father was right, don't move in with a girl unless you are married.
****ing yes! All you people whining about how the sex life dies after marriage or moving in... sometimes yes it's because she was just using you to get a steady meal ticket or assurance that you won't **** other women and due to some other twisted desire to dominate men. But seriously... women like sex, they just have these crazy thoughts in their heads about their bodies and what others think of them. Men are not the only people that like sex. Guess what... if you can get her to climax consistently and more importantly feel like you find her sexy... Chances are you'll have a good sex life with her. One thing you should never do is enact revenge on her by denying sex when she does want it... that is a big nail in the coffin. If you're in a slump and you still want it to work, never ever do this.Bible_Belt said:
The Logical Player
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Edit: she's cheating on you anyway, so my advice is even more valid now
how is having a girlfriend working out for ya? My point gets proven over and over and over that a man should NOT limit himself to having just one girlfriend - only men with no game such as DJInTraining do this (I have read his past threads, so I know this kid had no game until he got this guuuuuuurlfriend)
But hey, I'll help you out, because you are an AFC and you deserve some REAL help.
First off, your mistakes (mistakes that I do not want you to EVER repeat again in your whole entire life):
1) You became exclusive with the first girl that showed interest in you, thus making her your guuuuuurlfriend, and limiting your options of whom to hook up with.
2) You moved in with your guuuuuurlfriend - shows that you fear living alone, and since you cannot enjoy living alone, then you sure as hell won't enjoy living with some guuuuuuurlfriend - as proven by your thread.
3) You allow disrespect, and you listen to a woman's words and ignore her actions - hello have you forgot about the DON JUAN MOTTO - ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS.
4) There is more, but I won't go on
YOUR POSSIBLE SOLUTIONS:
1) Start seeing other girls, have sex with them, don't tell your guuuurlfriend this, in fact don't even pay any attention to her - in your eyes she is just a roomate that helps you pay the bills, nothing more, nothing less. The funny thing will be, that once she starts to think you are getting sex somewhere else, she'll be jumpin your bones trying to earn attention with sex. This means, you go out, spend the night at with every new girl that you have sex with at HER place, and you are to be 100% indifferent towards your "guuuurlfriend" - let her call, ask where you are, ect ect ect, you just ignore it all, and pretend nothing happened. When she confronts you when you come back home, just pretend nothing happened and you don't care, because after all, she IS just your roomate who is helping you pay the bills. Continue to do this, also make sure to not have anymore feelings for this b1tch, and you will be leading a happy lifestyle despite getting yourself into this mess - YOU ARE WELCOME
2) move out and move on asap, and cut all contact with this b1tch forever.
That is it for possible solutions.
You better do what I said, I don't want to see your sorry a$$ posting rationalizations again!
how is having a girlfriend working out for ya? My point gets proven over and over and over that a man should NOT limit himself to having just one girlfriend - only men with no game such as DJInTraining do this (I have read his past threads, so I know this kid had no game until he got this guuuuuuurlfriend)
But hey, I'll help you out, because you are an AFC and you deserve some REAL help.
First off, your mistakes (mistakes that I do not want you to EVER repeat again in your whole entire life):
1) You became exclusive with the first girl that showed interest in you, thus making her your guuuuuurlfriend, and limiting your options of whom to hook up with.
2) You moved in with your guuuuuurlfriend - shows that you fear living alone, and since you cannot enjoy living alone, then you sure as hell won't enjoy living with some guuuuuuurlfriend - as proven by your thread.
3) You allow disrespect, and you listen to a woman's words and ignore her actions - hello have you forgot about the DON JUAN MOTTO - ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS.
4) There is more, but I won't go on
YOUR POSSIBLE SOLUTIONS:
1) Start seeing other girls, have sex with them, don't tell your guuuurlfriend this, in fact don't even pay any attention to her - in your eyes she is just a roomate that helps you pay the bills, nothing more, nothing less. The funny thing will be, that once she starts to think you are getting sex somewhere else, she'll be jumpin your bones trying to earn attention with sex. This means, you go out, spend the night at with every new girl that you have sex with at HER place, and you are to be 100% indifferent towards your "guuuurlfriend" - let her call, ask where you are, ect ect ect, you just ignore it all, and pretend nothing happened. When she confronts you when you come back home, just pretend nothing happened and you don't care, because after all, she IS just your roomate who is helping you pay the bills. Continue to do this, also make sure to not have anymore feelings for this b1tch, and you will be leading a happy lifestyle despite getting yourself into this mess - YOU ARE WELCOME
2) move out and move on asap, and cut all contact with this b1tch forever.
That is it for possible solutions.
You better do what I said, I don't want to see your sorry a$$ posting rationalizations again!
The Logical Player said:
lol you are such a heartless sonofa*****... do you really believe that there are no happy couples where they both get what they want out of the relationship? That no LTR's can ever result in a happilly ever after scenario? You must have had one ****ed up home life or some ***** reaaaalllly ****ed with your head. Regardless of whether you want to play the field... Cheaters are scum... you think it makes you manly to just sleep around even if girls think they're in exclusive relationships? That doesn't make you a man, it makes you a weasel. If you can't play the field and be honest with women about the status of your relationship (ie continuing to **** a girl and not tell her there are others you're ****ing) then you still have work to do on your game... you shouldn't need a backup plan if you're that good.
If I was living with a gf (or living apart, doesn't matter) and she stopped wanting sex I would personally check myself first to make sure I wasn't doing anything to quell her desires. If I was confident that the problem was with her I'd confront her about it point blank. Are you worried she'll turn everything around on you and blame you? She's COUNTING on that.
The bottom line is you're obviously not happy. If you were married for 10 years than I would certainly suggest spicing things up or whatnot. But for crying out loud you've been dating for a couple years and she's already icing up on you? Ouch.
Over my dead fvcking body would I jump through tons of hoops and rack my brain trying to convince my GF to increase my pvssy allowance.
The bottom line is you're obviously not happy. If you were married for 10 years than I would certainly suggest spicing things up or whatnot. But for crying out loud you've been dating for a couple years and she's already icing up on you? Ouch.
Over my dead fvcking body would I jump through tons of hoops and rack my brain trying to convince my GF to increase my pvssy allowance.
The Logical Player
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mothballs said:
did I SAY there are no happy couples out there? Why do AFC's put words in my mouth that I never ever said?
mothballs, you really do have the mindset of a total chump, and you obviously don't even want help, you just want to push your chump agenda onto the successful players here who KNOW what they are doing, so please kindly shut up and learn
you are a 28 year old who has had sex with only one girl in his life has no viability to argue my advice.
Also, my advice in this thread is for DJinTraining and anyone else who has incorrectly put themselves in a position of living with a heartless manipulating b1tch - so this does not apply to all women
EDIT: My advice is VERY valid in DjInTraining's situation, because his "guuuurlfriend" has done NOTHING for a long time now to earn his loyalty, so he can be as big of an a$$hole to her as he wants, all "morality" as you chumps who have girlfriends like to put it, is OUT THE DAMN WINDOW
heh... Chump agenda? That's one way to look at not being a snake in the grass. Again, if you have to cheat on women to play the field... then you're doing something wrong... you should be able to sleep with one, kick her out of bed and move onto the next if you're really a player. Everything you suggest in your post is that there are no happy couples living together... perhaps a better way to phrase it would be to say... now that you have wound up in one of those relationships where she's not putting out... here are some things you can do... instead of: Haha you dumbass, look what happended because you moved in with a girl and became committed to her.
TheBucketOfTruth
Master Don Juan
The relationship is over, just move on. Everyone has been pretty unanimous in specific advice for you, but I bet you'll get married and be even more unhappy. Your dad is older and has more experience; he knew what he was talking about.
I implore you to listen to the forum and get out of this relationship before it costs you a lot more time and money to finally realize it yourself.
I implore you to listen to the forum and get out of this relationship before it costs you a lot more time and money to finally realize it yourself.
Unbridled_Phoenix
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Bipolar disorder has a HUGE role in sexuality. When they're up, they are crazed lust witches from hell and when they're down, ice queens disgusted at the mention of anything sexual. I was in a live-in LTR with a bipolar for two years (if that doesn't seem like a long time, start a relationship with one:crazykayman79 said:
, that's why any psycho meds put girls strictly in the f*ck buddy zone with me. When you get away from one, you have seriously dodged a bullet. I didn't know she was full out bipolar until after we broke up. I thought it was somewhat normal for a girl to have been on meds since she was 14. It's scary, the ways that they twist your mind and warp your perceptions because they build you up so much that you fall right into the trap.
Anyway, it's like jcap said-of course she loves you, you are the guy she controls with her pinky, and doesn't even have to have sex with you! You need to, as the kids say, "Flip da script." Your only recourse in this situation is to withdrawl yourself from her, but don't tell her you're doing it. No more waiting for her to get home and acting like a pvssy, when she comes home you're not there. You're at the gym working out, you're at the coffee shop exchanging glances, you're out with your friends and you ignore your phone too. You are now the mystery. "Be the flame, not the moth."
This change in your behavior, coupled with your new indifference to having sex with her, will grow your confidence and you will see her squirm before your eyes for a change.
But do you even want her still? This is your new mindset, it will give you all the power back, where it belongs. And not because you are a chauvinist, but because it is your natural role and women LOSE ALL RESPECT (and sex drive) for a guy who gives them that power.
As an older wiser guy once said to me, "Just believe somebody." Just believe us, man.
ummmm
It sounds like you're living with my ex. Sex started off hot and heavy, lots of oral. During the end days sex dwindled to maybe once every 2 weeks. Kick this silly game player out on her ass with no explanation. Tell her to kick rocks and go out right away and lay up some other broad.
It sounds like you're living with my ex. Sex started off hot and heavy, lots of oral. During the end days sex dwindled to maybe once every 2 weeks. Kick this silly game player out on her ass with no explanation. Tell her to kick rocks and go out right away and lay up some other broad.
DonGorgon
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DJinTraining06 said:
This had=s nothing to do with what so wants or does not want... she does not even like you at all any more.. you need to move on or you may fall into a deep depression..
She is Fing another guy or guys.. its a fact... she is using you for other conveniences.
DJinTraining06
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DonGorgon said:
Nah i would know, unless she cheats during her lunch breaks or something. She would have to be really really smart cuz i don't see any suspicious behavior, altho the thought has crossed my mind a lil lately and ive started payin more attention to details when she tells me where shes goin or where she went.
Does it matter if she's cheating at this point? She may as well be. I've been in similar situations and you just have to move on. The spark isn't there anymore and it's not going to come back except maybe if you break apart for a while.
