Moved in with girlfriend and no sex

[TheRealSupreme]

Ok so I moved in with my girlfriend 3 months ago and we never do it anymore. Im lucky if I get any once a week, sometimes once every 2 weeks.

And this is exactly why you aint' getting any. You have the wrong attitude. Look at what you wrote. "Im lucky" WTF?

You are not the king of your castle. Your the court jester in that castle.

Look playa it's all about how you communicate. Not just with your words but who you are inside. Obviously your the type of man who would say "Im lucky" while other men never have to worry about crap like this.

So your the source of this problem. Do not blame her. She is merely acting as a woman would with no strong leadership in her life.

Now you gotta do a sit down and talk to her thing. Explain your wishes and be prepared to walk out if they are not met.

What man sells his ballz for a life like this? Especially a man on this forum. You like the other guy on here are doing every man on this board a disservice having to read this crap.

I know your name says DJin training.

Is it just me or is that an extremely low amound of sex for a couple thats only going out 2 yrs and getting along very well. She used to be all over me all the time and we actually did it at least 1-2 times per week without fail when we didnt live together. I only use to see her 2-3 times a week so 1 or 2 times was a pretty damm good percentage.

God I don't know whether to laugh and forgive me for my bluntness but I also don't know whether to hurl reading about a poor sap who actually has to caculate percentages of how much sex he has gotten???

What has happened to mankind? Why have we fallen so????

Now when i make a move she ignores it, and the one time she made a move and i did that too her cuz i was fallin asleep she starting crying and sobbing and sayin i dont find her attractive. So i bring up to her that she turns me down every freakin night and she totally denied it and says i never even try. Yet a few days after this epsiode i make a move and she ignored me more than once and this has happened several other nights since. So what does this mean? Seems she only wants to do it when shes drunk.

I have no words for this.

There is a communication problem going on. Solve it. Your the man so figure out what to do.

 

[Ryeder]

I found this forum by doing a rough search on google, and have been having a similar issue with my girl. She's awesome and stuff and I am living rent free in her house (which I hate) I am taking leave from work cause she wants to take me to Mexico.

anyway we were friends a few months before we started dating and we were both in other relationships at the time. We ended up both breaking up around the same time, she literally convinced me to date her, so I did, and liked it. She was all over me. Paid for everything even when I offered. Not your average girl - even her friends were awesome to me.

Thing is, I have had relationships where there was literally no sex - I'm talking months without, so for me its a big thing for my woman to want what I have to offer. And I asked her before we dated if she was a physical person she basically told me of course that she was. Eventually I moved into her place.

She always wants to go out and do things and have fun, granted, but anytime I try to make a move or tell her that we should try new things she says and I quote " I want what I want, when I want it." I couldn't figure it out for the longest time, then she breaks down and tells me she was raped 8 years ago and that's why she doesn't like sex, among other excuses.

1. My back hurts

2. My head hurts

3. I'm in the week of my sugar pills

4. I have cramps

5. I need a drink

6. We don't have condoms

7. I'm tired

8. I'm uncomfortable

9. I dont trust the pill - cause I used to be on the shot


Is it just me or should I jump off a bridge now and save myself all the drama and bullcrap. Oh and when I ask about the "S" word it starts an argument as if I should know better never to ask about it - or even touch her for that matter.

Thing is I love her.

Wow, I am a sucker.

 

[Skydiver43127]

Now when i make a move she ignores it

General complaining/phylosophy aside, what kind of a problem is that? I interpret this as a 'go ahed' sign, and stop only at a clear rejection - and then confront the girl. You're wussing out and not trying hard enough. If she rejects you - fine. If she rejects you most of the time - out the door it is. But "she ignores it" is not a valid result.

Now Ryeder does have a problem. My intuitive guess would be she sort of liked it rough, but is too ashamed to admit that even to herself and is terrified at the thought you'll eventually find out if you have sexual relations. In a way it's a superpowered ASD. Feel free to look up solutions to this, but have in mind that the situation might be unresolvable and you might be just wasting your time.

My top three solutions would be
- projecting liberal values and beliefs, demonstrating how you believe women are sexual beings and conventional morality forbidding them to express this is BS - field tested, gives very slow and weak positive results
- responding nonsence to the objection and persisting in the sexual activity - field tested, but there's no legal way to deal with strong rejection this way
- masturbating next to her - strangely enough I once tested this absurd anti-ASD advice from "The game" and it worked. I was genuinely surprised. Good last resort.

 

[nmartinez12443]

Do you have a lease that forces you to stay with her?

If not or even so I would say this: "Why haven't we been more physical lately and it seemed like you've changed and I don't know if I could marry someone like you"

 

[saber]

maybee she wants you to force her

 

[Energizer]

I'd move out and ditch her, abstaining from sex in a relationship is despicable and its a form of manipulation and control on her part and lest not rule out the fact she could getting it elsewhere.

 

[BlackJackal]

Ok so I moved in with my girlfriend 3 months ago and we never do it anymore. Im lucky if I get any once a week, sometimes once every 2 weeks. Is it just me or is that an extremely low amound of sex for a couple thats only going out 2 yrs and getting along very well. She used to be all over me all the time and we actually did it at least 1-2 times per week without fail when we didnt live together. I only use to see her 2-3 times a week so 1 or 2 times was a pretty damm good percentage.

Now when i make a move she ignores it, and the one time she made a move and i did that too her cuz i was fallin asleep she starting crying and sobbing and sayin i dont find her attractive. So i bring up to her that she turns me down every freakin night and she totally denied it and says i never even try. Yet a few days after this epsiode i make a move and she ignored me more than once and this has happened several other nights since. So what does this mean? Seems she only wants to do it when shes drunk.

Sucker:kick:

 

[DJinTraining06]

To answer some questions yes we have a one year lease. Theres a good 8 or 9 months left on it. Thing is i love her and want to marry her eventually. I do regret getting the apartment cuz it was more fun when we saw each other 2-3 times a week.

I will admit this though. Im not that great in the sack and i usually dont last long. Maybe 2 out of 5 times I can. But even then alot of times i stall in the middle of it and then start again. I don't think I got PE or anything but i dunno maybe i do. But i think maybe if i didnt have to wait a week or more between each time we have sex, maybe i wouldn't blow so fast. For one she'd be looser which would help things, and two i wouldnt feel like it was my only chance for another week or two.

 

[Casually]

This is seriously veering away from "pickup" territory towards more long term relationship management, which I don't think too many of us have experience with.

I will say this though: usually, lack of sex is a symptom of a larger problem with the relationship. You need to figure out what that is, and get that sorted out. There are relationship counselors out there as well as online resources if you are serious about this.

Also, where are you "making a move" with this girl? If you wait until you get into bed before you start getting sexual, you are starting too late. Nothing kills sexual tension faster than it being routine and expected. You need to start seducing her before you even get to the bedroom, get her worked up, do some foreplay, and THEN hit the bedroom.

Also, are you still taking her out on dates? Doing stuff that's attractive like when you first met her? There could be a lot of different things going on, and you need to reassess your relationship and maybe see a relationship expert if you are interested in rekindling a sexual relationship with this woman.

 

[Violent V]

DJinTraining

I don't believe a word people say about 'never move in with a girl'. But the reasons behind 'never move in with a girl' are relevant to you. You are no longer a challenge to her. You are no longer acting like a man, like male, like a DJ. To talk about wanting to marry her says it all really.

Don't leave her yet- this relationship can still work. But start creating your life as if you are single again. Hang out more with your friends, do the things you want, go places you want. Build your own life up again so that you can and do have a good time in life regardless of whether she is in it or not.

Doing this at the very least will get her interested in you again, because you are moving away from her, meaning she will have to start chasing again. You are a CHALLENGE again, a man again.

And as much as it might hurt, i have to say i would not be in the least surprised if she was getting her fvcks from some 'jerk' at the moment. She is human, she has her sexual needs to, and its obviously not happening with you the AFC at the moment.

"Why haven't we been more physical lately and it seemed like you've changed and I don't know if I could marry someone like you" This is a powerful line which shows you are willing to walk away from her. Drop it only if all else fails.

Ryeder, your girl is carrying a baggage. As cruel as it sounds, I would next her. Theres plenty more fish in the sea and she is not worth it. Unless you want to carry that baggage for her for the rest of your life.

 

[DJinTraining06]

Your probably right. Kinda sux that girls can't just ever be happy doesn't it? Problem is most of my friends are married, or living with their gf's. Guess I need to make some new single friends cuz these guys all suck and only seem to hang out with their girls at their side anymore. Well come to think of it they might say the same about me lol. it's kinda liek ur so used to them bringing their girls everywhere u wanna bring yours so then u dont feel weird.

As for her fvcking some other guy i doubt it, she doesn't stay late at work and spends every weekend with me so unless shes banging some guy during work hrs i highly doubt it. For a while she was goin out with her friend for happy hr every friday but that was short lived only for a couple months cuz i was working late firday nights but now i have a diff shift. most of her friends r couples too and when she hangs out with her friends its usually daytime stuff like going to the mall, meeting for lunch, etc so i dont even see it as possible. but hey i guess anythigns possible who knows. It just pisses me off cuz she actls like shes some preciosu jewel who i must worship, yet i been living withher for 4 months and baiscally no sex, its like were a 60 yr old couole wats up with that? forget BJ's i kissed those goodbye a long time ago lol.

DJinTraining

I don't believe a word people say about 'never move in with a girl'. But the reasons behind 'never move in with a girl' are relevant to you. You are no longer a challenge to her. You are no longer acting like a man, like male, like a DJ. To talk about wanting to marry her says it all really.

Don't leave her yet- this relationship can still work. But start creating your life as if you are single again. Hang out more with your friends, do the things you want, go places you want. Build your own life up again so that you can and do have a good time in life regardless of whether she is in it or not.

Doing this at the very least will get her interested in you again, because you are moving away from her, meaning she will have to start chasing again. You are a CHALLENGE again, a man again.

And as much as it might hurt, i have to say i would not be in the least surprised if she was getting her fvcks from some 'jerk' at the moment. She is human, she has her sexual needs to, and its obviously not happening with you the AFC at the moment.

"Why haven't we been more physical lately and it seemed like you've changed and I don't know if I could marry someone like you" This is a powerful line which shows you are willing to walk away from her. Drop it only if all else fails.

Ryeder, your girl is carrying a baggage. As cruel as it sounds, I would next her. Theres plenty more fish in the sea and she is not worth it. Unless you want to carry that baggage for her for the rest of your life.

 

[DJinTraining06]

maybee she wants you to force her

See i've heard that before, girls like it when u take control. But she used to initiate more than I did, and was always in the mood. I couldn't beleieve how horny she was all the time. Now she never ever initiates anything. And when i get close to her start giving subtle hints she basically ignores it. If i go a lil further like try to kiss her and stuff she still doesnt seem that into untill i really persist. Then she seems to enjoy it, but i get the feeling she could totally do without it. I don't get it, iknow for a fact she has a strong sexual drive so how can she b ok with hardly any sex? Was she just having sex with me alot cuz she liked me alot in the bgining and thought she had too? I don;t get it. Theres no way she can be cheating, cuz we are not apart that much. So it's not like shes getting ehbr fvcks elsewhere.

 

[IPalindromeI]

Ah yes. The old catch 22:

If you want sex, then she blisters your ass with "You don't love me, you just love sex".

If you back off, then she throws you with "You don't want sex, you don't find me attractive, you don't love me".

Damned if you do, damned if you don't. The sad fact of life is that once some women settles in with a man, they no longer see sex as a necessary part of a long term relationship - its all in the hormones. She will only have sex as a way to be reassured that you won't f*ck someone else, or leave her.

If I had a dime for every woman who baits and switches in a relationship and traps a man in a nearly or completely sexless marriage - I'd be rich. Very, very rich.

See if this makes any sense.

What to do about it? That's a tough one. There isn't anything you can do. She will have to be the one changing, and that might prove to be as easy as taking medicine hoping the sick guy next you gets better.

 

[horaholic]

She used to be all over me all the time and we actually did it at least 1-2 times per week without fail when we didnt live together. I only use to see her 2-3 times a week so 1 or 2 times was a pretty damm good percentage.

Actually, thats a pretty lousy percentage. If she was 'all over' you, you should have been banging her 2-3 times a DAY, every time you hung out. She was never very sexual to begin with.

First of all, you need to learn how to fvck. If she's not cvmming 2-3 times per session, you are doing something very wrong. If you need to, go down on her for a half hour. Do whatever you gotta do. If you dont last long, stop for a sec, when you are about to blow. Watch some porn. Make it worth her while.

 

[sodbuster]

When I was in my 30's I had sex 13 times in a 3 day weekend with my GF. When she turned into a wife, it dropped down to about that a month. I'm sure I wouldn't consider 1 a week much sex. I'd find another GF or TELL her it needs to pick up. I would NEVER marry a woman with that low a sex drive[unless I'm 90].

The reason you are in trouble is the lease-she has some control over you. When you were dating, she didn't.What do you think will happen when she can take half your stuff?

 

[lordson]

I seriously wonder about the people here sometimes... the quality of advice sux nads... but then again most of you are american idiots cohabiting with other american idiots. Never live with a woman??? What kind of crap advice is that? Christ I swear some of u are fvcked up beyond belief. :cuss:

i'd have to agree, there are some good people here and there are some not so good. you'll have to consider everything you read here.

but i'm in the same sort of situation. seeing a girl for 3 years the sex will die down from daily to once a week. i know two married couples, and its the same for them. my gf was discussing sex with one of them and they were both saying how sometimes they just didn't feel like it. The other girl was wondering to herself if that was a normal thing or not, and my gf confirmed it with her.

its just a fact of life, in the majority of relationships the sex will die down.

the OP has only been going out for 3 months but accelerated that by moving in with her and becoming an 'establish couple' sort of.

 

[DJinTraining06]

Actually, thats a pretty lousy percentage. If she was 'all over' you, you should have been banging her 2-3 times a DAY, every time you hung out. She was never very sexual to begin with.

First of all, you need to learn how to fvck. If she's not cvmming 2-3 times per session, you are doing something very wrong. If you need to, go down on her for a half hour. Do whatever you gotta do. If you dont last long, stop for a sec, when you are about to blow. Watch some porn. Make it worth her while.

Well I only say that's a goodpercentage because we both lived at home still with our parents before we got this apartment together so it was hard to get the house to ourselves.
So basically whenever we did we jumped at the chance to do it. And if either of our parents went away for a weekend or soemthing we'd do it all weekend long, at least 3-4 times.
I'm really getting pissed off. Part of the the problem is she goes to bed at 10 sometimes before 10 pm every night. I'm talkin without fail every damm weeknight she's asleep by 10 sometimes even 9:30-9:45. Tonight, she went to bed at 9:45 and fell alseep right away. I understand she gets up at 6:45 for work, but so does everyone else pretty much. That's almost 9 hrs of sleep every night. Sure thats healthy but so is a healthy sexual relationship with your boyfriend. I mean for christ sake shes in her mid 20's, were not married, no kids, and were just barely going out 2 yrs. Wat the hell is this? As far as weekends if we go out with friends, her friends, my friends, watver it may be, we go out have a good time, but as soon as we get home she hits the sack and conks out immediately i cant even try to do anythign with her cuz shes snoring in minutes. Am i dating an 80 yr old woman here? She was so much fun when we were not living together, i had no idea she goes to bed at 9:30 every night and as soon as she gets home on wknds. Last ngith we got home at 12:07 and she fell asleep in her pajamas imediately. Wat the hell, it was an early night we just met a couple firend for a drink and went home. I would expect ona low key ngiht like that wed at least go home, watch snl or soemthign and fvck. I dont mind low key night, dinner, a movie, meet a few friends. Hey i prefer that im a low key guy. But cmon its the weekend neither of us work, we get up as late as we want in the morning. Why are u sleeping at midnight? I can see sometimes ur just tired thats ok, but every weekend its the same crap. 8 yr olds stay up past midngiuth on the weekend. Somebody give me some advice please!

 

[DJinTraining06]

When I was in my 30's I had sex 13 times in a 3 day weekend with my GF. When she turned into a wife, it dropped down to about that a month. I'm sure I wouldn't consider 1 a week much sex. I'd find another GF or TELL her it needs to pick up. I would NEVER marry a woman with that low a sex drive[unless I'm 90].

The reason you are in trouble is the lease-she has some control over you. When you were dating, she didn't.What do you think will happen when she can take half your stuff?

id say once a week, sometimes once every 2 weeks, how crazy is that. Ya know it really pisses me off when i hear people saying "oh well girls need to be emotionally stimulated" and u should buy her flowers and do sweet thigns etc. If she is not attracted to me enought to wanna do it then why the hell was she so into the idea of us moving in with me in the first place. Hey as a guy im usually in the mood, but hey once in a while im not, but whenever she used to want to do it and i wasn't tin the mood, id get in the mood! It's a relationship ur supposed to try, relationships take effort. Girls don't treat their guys right anymore.

 

[f283000]

that's the problem with western women. A real woman will do anything to please her husband. In more traditional countries women have sex just cause their husbands tells them to.

its ok to date a western woman after all this is where we live we don't have much choice many of us, and they are the majority, just don't marry/move in with 1 unless you want to find out the truth about them and get hurt. They are evil creatures that will do anything to get what they want.

 

[sodbuster]

As far as moving in.some guys get lucky playing russian roulette. I've just seen too much bad stuff happen to hope I'm one of the lucky ones.

She may have been"moving out of her parents house" more than moving in with you if her home life sucked.