Moved in with girlfriend and no sex

[DJinTraining06]

that's the problem with western women. A real woman will do anything to please her husband. In more traditional countries women have sex just cause their husbands tells them to.

its ok to date a western woman after all this is where we live we don't have much choice many of us, and they are the majority, just don't marry/move in with 1 unless you want to find out the truth about them and get hurt. They are evil creatures that will do anything to get what they want.

I dunno if theyre evil lol but im just fed up with it. They want u to do everyhting perfect for them and basically worship them, but wat do they do for us. Mine doesn't go down on me ever. She did at first and compeltely stopped. Ok i can see that im sure most girls stop that eventually. But sex too? She never wants sex anymore. She goes to bed super early every night of the week and acts like were a 60 yr old married couple. I'm sorry but i don't wanna hear how i gotta excite her and this and that. Im 100% the same exact guy she used to jump on whenever she saw me, and now she is totally different. I shouldnt have to jump through hoops. The chemiostry shoul;d either be there or not. I dont know wat chanched with her if anything. She wants to live with me and mentions us being married in the future all the time in a hypotehtical fashion. So wat is it? Am i overacting? I cant imagine i am.

 

[DJinTraining06]

As far as moving in.some guys get lucky playing russian roulette. I've just seen too much bad stuff happen to hope I'm one of the lucky ones.

She may have been"moving out of her parents house" more than moving in with you if her home life sucked.

She hated her home life. She used to cry alot over thigns that were happeneing there. i actually asked ehr that very question before we decided to move in together and she denied it. She said she did really wanna get out but she was gonna do it anyway even if i wasnt moving in with her. I believed her but in hindsight i probably shouldn't have.

 

[syed]

Look, dude. Here's the deal:

Stop blaming others for your problems. In this case, you are blaming her because you think she's stopped wanting to have sex with you. If you continue to blame her, you will never change your ways and your problem will never go away. The most important thing is you have to start blaming yourself and stop blaming her. You can change yourself. You can't change her.

As for the problem, I'm thinking there's a couple of causes. Number one is it sounds like you are trying to make a move just before bed time. That's some cliche ****, man. That's like the dinner-and-a-movie of ****ing. That's like when you first meet a girl and you ask for her number just as she's leaving. It's like when you're on your first date and you wait until the very end to kiss her for the first time. It's boring. And worse, it pins all your hopes on a single moment, when you could diversify your risk by trying multiple times throughout the night. You're like that hopeless drunk guy at the club at 2:59 AM asking out every chick he sees.

You are pissed because she goes to bed at 9:30. Earth to you - there are 4 hours between 5:30 and 9:30. Why are you only making your move at the very end? How about coming home and giving her a passionate kiss? How about coming home and picking her up and carrying her to the bedroom? How about calling her at work and telling her that you've been thinking about that one time you guys had some great sex? How about calling her at work and telling her to have something sexy on when you get home? Let's go, man. This **** doesn't have to be a routine.

I'll leave you with this: I read on here once upon a time that if there are problems with your sex life, it usually is because there are larger problems with the relationship. If you are TRULY fulfilling her outside the bedroom, then she will fulfill you inside the bedroom. In my experience that tends to be the case - I'm not saying that that's definitely what's going on here, but I'd look into it if I were you. Sit her down and ask her if she's really happy. What could you guys work together to improve? Is there anything missing? It doesn't have to be a long talk, but it could be helpful.

Good luck dude.

 

[DJinTraining06]

Ok yea 4 hrs between 5:30 and 9:30. She comes home and wants to eat dinner immediately. Then who the hell wants to do it on a full stomache? I don't. So say an hr later or so i should try right? Wrong, she goes on her laptop and is compeltely distracted I can barely talk to her for even a few seconds. Shell be on there for an hr or so. Eventually she puts the laptoip away and watches tv. And thats the pt where she says "im tired" and goes to bed.

And this is the crap im talkin about. How am i blaming others for my problems? Why is it my job to make the relationship better. Why is it never the girls job to make any kind of effort? I treat her great. I do so much for her. I think its nonsense that the problem is with me. The problem is maybe that shes not into me anymore, but thats not my fault cuz im the same exact guy. Her personality did a 180.

Look, dude. Here's the deal:

Stop blaming others for your problems. In this case, you are blaming her because you think she's stopped wanting to have sex with you. If you continue to blame her, you will never change your ways and your problem will never go away. The most important thing is you have to start blaming yourself and stop blaming her. You can change yourself. You can't change her.

As for the problem, I'm thinking there's a couple of causes. Number one is it sounds like you are trying to make a move just before bed time. That's some cliche ****, man. That's like the dinner-and-a-movie of ****ing. That's like when you first meet a girl and you ask for her number just as she's leaving. It's like when you're on your first date and you wait until the very end to kiss her for the first time. It's boring. And worse, it pins all your hopes on a single moment, when you could diversify your risk by trying multiple times throughout the night. You're like that hopeless drunk guy at the club at 2:59 AM asking out every chick he sees.

You are pissed because she goes to bed at 9:30. Earth to you - there are 4 hours between 5:30 and 9:30. Why are you only making your move at the very end? How about coming home and giving her a passionate kiss? How about coming home and picking her up and carrying her to the bedroom? How about calling her at work and telling her that you've been thinking about that one time you guys had some great sex? How about calling her at work and telling her to have something sexy on when you get home? Let's go, man. This **** doesn't have to be a routine.

I'll leave you with this: I read on here once upon a time that if there are problems with your sex life, it usually is because there are larger problems with the relationship. If you are TRULY fulfilling her outside the bedroom, then she will fulfill you inside the bedroom. In my experience that tends to be the case - I'm not saying that that's definitely what's going on here, but I'd look into it if I were you. Sit her down and ask her if she's really happy. What could you guys work together to improve? Is there anything missing? It doesn't have to be a long talk, but it could be helpful.

Good luck dude.

 

[DJinTraining06]

Well she has a job where I can't even call her at work at all. Neither of us have very much money cuz it all goes into the partment so theres just so much i can do for her as far as taking her out, usually its movies,restaurants,bars, etc. I cant afford expensive nights out or expensaive trips and she knows that. And u know id be more passionate like that but theres no openign to. She comes home eats immediately, puts on ratty old clothes for bed with her ass crack hanging out, its like she thinks were 60 yrs old. Its hard to be passioante and exciting with her when she acts like that. I love how its always the guys fault. I think shes just lazy and takin me for granted. But watever thanks for the advice

Look, dude. Here's the deal:

Stop blaming others for your problems. In this case, you are blaming her because you think she's stopped wanting to have sex with you. If you continue to blame her, you will never change your ways and your problem will never go away. The most important thing is you have to start blaming yourself and stop blaming her. You can change yourself. You can't change her.

As for the problem, I'm thinking there's a couple of causes. Number one is it sounds like you are trying to make a move just before bed time. That's some cliche ****, man. That's like the dinner-and-a-movie of ****ing. That's like when you first meet a girl and you ask for her number just as she's leaving. It's like when you're on your first date and you wait until the very end to kiss her for the first time. It's boring. And worse, it pins all your hopes on a single moment, when you could diversify your risk by trying multiple times throughout the night. You're like that hopeless drunk guy at the club at 2:59 AM asking out every chick he sees.

You are pissed because she goes to bed at 9:30. Earth to you - there are 4 hours between 5:30 and 9:30. Why are you only making your move at the very end? How about coming home and giving her a passionate kiss? How about coming home and picking her up and carrying her to the bedroom? How about calling her at work and telling her that you've been thinking about that one time you guys had some great sex? How about calling her at work and telling her to have something sexy on when you get home? Let's go, man. This **** doesn't have to be a routine.

I'll leave you with this: I read on here once upon a time that if there are problems with your sex life, it usually is because there are larger problems with the relationship. If you are TRULY fulfilling her outside the bedroom, then she will fulfill you inside the bedroom. In my experience that tends to be the case - I'm not saying that that's definitely what's going on here, but I'd look into it if I were you. Sit her down and ask her if she's really happy. What could you guys work together to improve? Is there anything missing? It doesn't have to be a long talk, but it could be helpful.

Good luck dude.

 

[sodbuster]

Find out about her parents marriage-that is the model she has in her head for "the way it's supposed to be"

 

[DJinTraining06]

Find out about her parents marriage-that is the model she has in her head for "the way it's supposed to be"

Thats interesting. Hard to say tho cuz her parents are in their mid 60's it was a totally diff generation. Like the dad is the boss and the mom does whatver she can to make him and everyone else happy. It's not like that these days girls r totally diff. One thing i will say is that hes a grumpy old guy but i think alot of men that age are so i dunno.

I guess i dont really know much about their marriage tho i just know wat i see when im there but im gonna start payin closer attention and see if ur right.

 

[Da Realist]

I see why you're in the state you're in. No imagination. Get some candles from the dollar store, make dinner, and hide the laptop. You can't just blame her and make the situation go away; you've got to put some effort in on your part. If she doesn't "give" you an opening, create one; that's romance. Keep your head up and make it up that you're going to make things go the way you want them.

 

[Amazing]

I'd bring a few girls over the next couple of weeks.

They are, of course, just friends.

 

[Energizer]

I'd bring a few girls over the next couple of weeks.

They are, of course, just friends.

Friends with benefits.

 

[DJinTraining06]

Friends with benefits.

I really should! I am so pissed tonight I wanna just leave. Before I moved in I had no idea my girl likes to go to bed at 9:30 pm religiously. I had no idea, a girl who loved sex would never want to have any.

We were having dinner tonight and we were jokin around about how were living in sin, kind of a running joke we always say about ourselves. Well i say to her, well if if we didnt have any sex would it still be living in sin? So she says "well we dont really have sex that often anyway"

Now I know typed out that looks like she wants sex and is complaining that we dont. But i swear to u she said it with no emotion as if she was totally cool with it. Just like matter of fact, relaxed like. Kind of happy almost. So im startign to get pissed inside but i keep my cool and say, well i stilllll like sex. Do u not like sleepin with me anymore? And she goes no... i didnt say that and she's getting all mad that I asked her that. Then she changes the subject right away.

So wat is this crap? Like i mentioend in my original post the last time i borught it up to her that we never have sex, she totally denied that it was her fault. I told her that whenever i try to make a move she ignores it compeltely. She flipped out and said "u never do!" and was like practically crying. 2 days later she ingnored me and the time after that too as i mentioned in my original post. What is this some kind of mind game? SHe is never even available to do it. She's on her laptop, she brign the cat to her lap, she is straightening her hair, shes in the shower shes on the phone, shes really invloved in a tv show, her stomache hurts, her throat hurts, shes exhausted. Even saturday nights, shes exhausted as soon as we get home from anywehre.

I was thinking wat a mistake it was to move in with her but u know what, if i didnt i never woulda know wat she was like and i woulda married her. I still might, i gotta see how this turns out, maybe its just a phase, but i dont think so. Its just strange how she denies it. Like nothign coiuld ever be her fault, even tho she knows damm well she doesnt wanna have sex with me.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

This is absolutely ridiculous! Your chick S-U-C-K-S!!!!! Part of the blame defintely falls on your shoulders as Rollo mentioned waaaay back on the first page of this thread. Once you move in with a chick is GAME OVER!! Prior to you moving in, she didn't have complete control over you, so she used her pu$$y to keep your loyalty.

Now she knows she has you, and worse yet, she KNOWS you won't do anything about it other than occasionally bring it up. This might sound cliche but its worth saying; your using logic when you ask her about sex and you know a woman doesn't process information that way. So don't act confused when you talk to her about it and then two nights later she turns you down.

The only way things will change is if you: A) Move out B) Grab your balls and walk away.

I can't believe how many guys hold on to $hitty relationships when they're so young. Never tolerate a woman controlling you in this fashion, its the ultimate sign that she's not fit for a LTR.

She sounds like she's got some serious issues from what I've read, the fact that your STILL considering marrying such a selfish person is ridiculous. Do you suddenly think things will change and she'll get incredibly horny for you if you put a ring on her finger??? Your delusional if you do, because your 99% married right now, THIS is what the next 40 years of your life will be like unless you do something about it.



PIMP

 

[horaholic]

I still might, i gotta see how this turns out, maybe its just a phase, but i dont think so. Its just strange how she denies it. Like nothign coiuld ever be her fault, even tho she knows damm well she doesnt wanna have sex with me

Welcome to the world of dealing with women. Nothing is EVER their fault. It is NOT just a phase, trust me. This is how a woman thinks: she will have sex with you whenever you want.... This is true, but you have to not only know exactly how to escalate, but psychicly know exactly what kind of mood she's in, and know exactly what to do/say to her in that particular mood she is in, at the given moment, which changes every five minutes anyway. If you dont read her mind correctly, and adjust for by-the-minute changes, you are a HUGE assh0le, who only wants sex.

Does this make sense? Of course not!

But you still have to learn it for the time being, until you can get out of your lease and find someone you're more sexually compatible with. And for gods sakes, learn how to rock her fvcking world, or else your next GF will do the same thing, and/or cheat on you.

 

[bornyesterday]

I found this forum by doing a rough search on google, and have been having a similar issue with my girl. She's awesome and stuff and I am living rent free in her house (which I hate) I am taking leave from work cause she wants to take me to Mexico.

anyway we were friends a few months before we started dating and we were both in other relationships at the time. We ended up both breaking up around the same time, she literally convinced me to date her, so I did, and liked it. She was all over me. Paid for everything even when I offered. Not your average girl - even her friends were awesome to me.

Thing is, I have had relationships where there was literally no sex - I'm talking months without, so for me its a big thing for my woman to want what I have to offer. And I asked her before we dated if she was a physical person she basically told me of course that she was. Eventually I moved into her place.

She always wants to go out and do things and have fun, granted, but anytime I try to make a move or tell her that we should try new things she says and I quote " I want what I want, when I want it." I couldn't figure it out for the longest time, then she breaks down and tells me she was raped 8 years ago and that's why she doesn't like sex, among other excuses.

1. My back hurts

2. My head hurts

3. I'm in the week of my sugar pills

4. I have cramps

5. I need a drink

6. We don't have condoms

7. I'm tired

8. I'm uncomfortable

9. I dont trust the pill - cause I used to be on the shot


Is it just me or should I jump off a bridge now and save myself all the drama and bullcrap. Oh and when I ask about the "S" word it starts an argument as if I should know better never to ask about it - or even touch her for that matter.

Thing is I love her.

Wow, I am a sucker.

That sucks for you dude.

But first: if you want your questions answered you should start your own thread and not post this in an already existing thread.

Do you consider yourself lucky to have her as a girlfirend? I think you do because of the way you mentioned your previous girlfriends. That is a problem. It makes you dependant (moving in does that also) and lose sight of your own interests.

Your girlfriend has problems with sex. That is understandable considering what she has experienced (if that story is true) and has nothing to do with you. You try to be understanding for her, even help her maybe, but YOU CANT fix it. These are her problems, not yours. But you live with the consequenses. Do you want that?
She needs help, but not from you. She needs to seek help for her problems, the fact that she doesnt seek help for it although it severaly impairs her life quality, is a bad sign.
You cannot convince her to want to have sex with you. Don't even try. She needs to feel the wanting. If you want to convince her of something, it is that she needs help.

Face it, this relationship is a big investment, not only for her but also for you. She lets you live in with her for free. You might think you owe her something for that. But why does she do that? Maybe because she wants you to think that you owe her something, maybe because she buys your affection, to keep you with her? You don't owe her anything. You have both chosen for this arrangement. And she seems happy with it. Your investment in the relationship is your time, your energy and emotional. That counts for a lot, at least if you have selfrespect.
Waiting for sex is also an investment. But in this case waiting is an illusion, because she makes it obvious you two are not going to have sex. Do you want to sacrifice having sex to have a relationship with this woman? It is very hard for a woman to keep a man in a relationship if you don't have sex. But she managed it with you. Why is that?

You need sex. She can't give it to you. If she can't do it now she won't be able in the near future. The best predictor of future behavior is how someone behaves now. That's rule numero uno if you want to measure someone up.
If she makes you feel bad for wanting sex or wanting to talk about it, that is a bad sign as well. She is very defensive and does not want to understand your needs.

You love her. That's what makes it hard. But the situation as it is makes you unhappy and it will continue to do so. If things don't change you will have to make a decision eventually.

 

[bornyesterday]

I will admit this though. Im not that great in the sack and i usually dont last long.

Do Kegel exercises.

Lasting longer will boost your sexual confidence; a lack whereof could be a large part of the problem here.

For a while she was goin out with her friend for happy hr every friday but that was short lived only for a couple months cuz i was working late firday nights but now i have a diff shift. most of her friends r couples too and when she hangs out with her friends its usually daytime stuff like going to the mall, meeting for lunch, etc so i dont even see it as possible.

I heard somewhere that people can have sex at daytime too, even during happy hours. Who knew?

Btw
I don't think this is just a case of "once your settled she can hold back because the challenge is over etc", although it is an element and needs to be taken care off. But what does she gain by completely withholding something she loves to do herself? My spidersenses say something more specific is going on here. Could be anything: cheating, stress/depression, your and/or her lack of sexual confidence, she used you to get out of her parents house, doubts about the step you guys have taken, deterioration of emotional commitment etc. it could be workable it could be not.

There needs to be a sexual connection. It could be temporarily broken but then it will be something you BOTH want to work at, right?

She wants to live with me and mentions us being married in the future all the time in a hypotehtical fashion.

DANGER DANGER.
That is a string, a carrot. It means nothing. Girls can say anything, it's what she does that counts. Some people are easy to keep emotionally involved with just words. You seem to be one of them.

Before you moved in you had her when you guys had fun. They were 'off hours' as it were. Now the relationship has begon, you are 'on hours' now, like work. Now you also get to see, and deal with, her baggage. When you are together it's no longer during fun times. Fun times are when you go out with friends and such.

You want advice?
Listen to your gut. You know something is wrong, act upon it. Want what you want.
Another one: never take insights from a guy on the internet word for word.

Mine doesn't go down on me ever

Your sexlife wasnt all that sparkling from the beginning. You need to learn to enjoy sex more. Communicate your wants and ask for hers. It's not a crime to want a Blowj0b. It's not a crime for her to give one. What I'm telling you: You NEED a freakin Bl0wjob dude.

 

[bornyesterday]

And this is the crap im talkin about. How am i blaming others for my problems? Why is it my job to make the relationship better.

You are bitter. That will make things worse. Are you pushy, do you nag her, do you blame her? That might have destroyed the remnant of a sexlife that you both have had. And she's not happy about that either. If you can't see that your'e blind.

And of course it's your problem. And you need to fix you own problems. Take responsibility. You can't make her fix her problems. With all the problems you face the only thing that's in common is you. That's the material you have to work with.

 

[DJinTraining06]

You are bitter. That will make things worse. Are you pushy, do you nag her, do you blame her? That might have destroyed the remnant of a sexlife that you both have had. And she's not happy about that either. If you can't see that your'e blind.

And of course it's your problem. And you need to fix you own problems. Take responsibility. You can't make her fix her problems. With all the problems you face the only thing that's in common is you. That's the material you have to work with.

Well no im not puishy and i dont nag her. I never even bring up the sex thing. I brought it up once cuz it came up, and this time she did. So thats only 2 times that we talked about it. So what is my problem tell me? Why is it never a girls fault in ur opinion? The only "problem" i see that i could possibly deal with is that i should prob end the relationship soon if she doesnt change cuz i didnt sign up for no sex for the rest of my life. Other than that what is my problem? I havent changed. I treat her great and always have.
Soemthing about moving in with me changed her poersonality completely or at least she was hiding her real personality before that.

So why do i have to feel like im inadequate in some way when she used to do it with me all the time, and now im exactly the same person but a roof over our heads made her compoletely and suddenly change. Yea ok that's my fault, and not an immature and selfish way for a girl to act. I think its wrong to use as a tool.

 

[DJinTraining06]

Do Kegel exercises.

Lasting longer will boost your sexual confidence; a lack whereof could be a large part of the problem here.

Yea ive been tryin that but its kinda hard when u get 2 or 3 chances a month to practice. Each time its like uh oh this may be my last time for another 2 weeks.

 

[DonGorgon]

id say once a week, sometimes once every 2 weeks, how crazy is that. Ya know it really pisses me off when i hear people saying "oh well girls need to be emotionally stimulated" and u should buy her flowers and do sweet thigns etc. If she is not attracted to me enought to wanna do it then why the hell was she so into the idea of us moving in with me in the first place. Hey as a guy im usually in the mood, but hey once in a while im not, but whenever she used to want to do it and i wasn't tin the mood, id get in the mood! It's a relationship ur supposed to try, relationships take effort. Girls don't treat their guys right anymore.

Do you know who women F the least aside form nerds and geeks...??? their husbands and boyfriends... its a sad sad reality.. the sooner men face it the better off they will be.

 

[DJinTraining06]

Do you know who women F the least aside form nerds and geeks...??? their husbands and boyfriends... its a sad sad reality.. the sooner men face it the better off they will be.

isn't a nerd and geek the same thing lol. Sad indeed. Are u saying most of em cheat? or are u saying that once they have a long term relationship or husband they just dont care bout sex? i'm assuming the former and not the latter.