More than a one night stand

[Vanderdonck]

45-60s (I'd even go above 60)

What is the mental condition you mentioned that you have?

 

[SW15]

What is the mental condition you mentioned that you have?

This thread was a summary of his problems. Autism is a primary problem.

my struggles with the ladies go way beyond mere social awkwardness

I was having a DM discussion with another member where I mentioned how my struggles with the ladies go beyond mere social awkwardness/ASD. Come to think of it, I suppose the topic warrants its own thread. In addition to my ASD/social awkwardness, there are many other factors working against me...

www.sosuave.net

 

[Clockwerk50]

When I get attitude out of the blue a mere 4 days after our first date, isn't that a pretty sure sign sex is off the table? (Whether I stayed with her another day, week, or even month?)

Not necessarily.

To clarify, the self-centeredness, self-consciousness, entitlement, self-absorption, insecurity, impatience, and other similar traits are not unique to the woman you parted ways with. These seem to be recurring issues that could explain why you don't often have sex, why you don't have sex more than once with the same person, and why you don't have a consistent pipeline of potential suitors wanting to build a connection with you.

 

[corrector]

It seems that you want continued sex without implying for a relationship. Not going to happen in most cases, because sex is a bonding experience between two people.

The women can detect your playerish vibes from a miles away and even if they gave you a freebee, they will not stay with you until your genuinely a cool guy whose got his stuff together AND….wants a relationship.

So I suggest you take some time off, work on yourself- get a gym membership, work on your hobbies and goals in life, strive for a spiritual life especially and know theres a higher power, take up semen retention and meditation/prayer, stop eating crap and get better uplifting friends etc

Once you’ve done some of those things above, you gotta know where the quality women hangs out - bookstores, gyms, martial arts classes, yoga classes, volunteering, parks and beaches, art classes in community colleges and Michaels, church, coffee shops, family resto bars like applebees and chili’s etc.


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You are advising him to go on hard monk-mode, lol. He's going to have to abandon his "fallback strategy"....which sounds like a tall order.

 

[GoodMan32]

What is the mental condition you mentioned that you have?

I'm an autist (mild case)

I also have mental illnesses galore.

 

[GoodMan32]

Not necessarily.

To clarify, the self-centeredness, self-consciousness, entitlement, self-absorption, insecurity, impatience, and other similar traits are not unique to the woman you parted ways with. These seem to be recurring issues that could explain why you don't often have sex, why you don't have sex more than once with the same person, and why you don't have a consistent pipeline of potential suitors wanting to build a connection with you.

The last woman I had free sex with, I spent 2 years flirting off and on with her before finally getting sex. No way would an impatient guy be willing to hold out 2 years.

I stand by my claim that I'm not impatient.

That being said, after doing some reflection, I totally admit one big problem of mine is that the relationship would have to be on my terms.

As soon as a relationship becomes more stress than it's worth, I start looking for an exit plan (That's why I bailed when the woman I had my last date with started giving me attitude). Especially when I have a fallback strategy to get laid, there's no reason for me to tolerate stress.

It's likely hardly any woman would agree to a relationship on my terms. And that's fine. I'd rather have no girlfriend/wife than have a girlfriend/wife I'm miserable with.

Based on stories various coworkers have shared about their relationships through the years, a lot of their relationships sound downright miserable to me.

For that matter, as an observer looking in, my parents' marriage looks like torture to me. Same goes for my 2 living grandparents' marriage (and my 2 dead grandparents' marriage)

 

[Clockwerk50]

The last woman I had free sex with, I spent 2 years flirting off and on with her before finally getting sex. No way would an impatient guy be willing to hold out 2 years.

I stand by my claim that I'm not impatient.

That being said, after doing some reflection, I totally admit one big problem of mine is that the relationship would have to be on my terms.

As soon as a relationship becomes more stress than it's worth, I start looking for an exit plan (That's why I bailed when the woman I had my last date with started giving me attitude). Especially when I have a fallback strategy to get laid, there's no reason for me to tolerate stress.

It's likely hardly any woman would agree to a relationship on my terms. And that's fine. I'd rather have no girlfriend/wife than have a girlfriend/wife I'm miserable with.

Based on stories various coworkers have shared about their relationships through the years, a lot of their relationships sound downright miserable to me.

For that matter, as an observer looking in, my parents' marriage looks like torture to me. Same goes for my 2 living grandparents' marriage (and my 2 dead grandparents' marriage)

That’s all cool and all, but let's get back to the real scope if your thread: why you struggle to attract women and maintain their attention.

You’re afraid of rejection, which stops you from asking someone out. You miss women’s subtle cues because you're too absorbed in your own thoughts. You take everything too literally, failing to tune into their needs, which leads to misinterpreting interactions because you view everything through the lens of your own ego. You hesitate to approach women you’re attracted to because you’re more concerned about how you’ll appear to them than being genuinely captivated by their presence. You seem to believe women should offer sex out of some misplaced sense of entitlement, yet offer nothing to justify it.

You may not be impatient, but there are deeper insecurities preventing you from creating genuine, pleasurable connections. I don’t understand why you keep asking why you can’t have sex with the same person more than once when you’ve been given advice multiple times, only to argue against it. Why keep asking for advice if you're just going to dismiss it? Doesn’t that show you're more focused on your own perspective than actually trying to improve? This might be a sign of your self-absorption.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

You may not be impatient, but there are deeper insecurities preventing you from creating genuine, pleasurable connections. I don’t understand why you keep asking why you can’t have sex with the same person more than once when you’ve been given advice multiple times, only to argue against it. Why keep asking for advice if you're just going to dismiss it? Doesn’t that show you're more focused on your own perspective than actually trying to improve? This might be a sign of your self-absorption.

It's a sign of attention-wh0ring, mostly rooted in a deep need for validation, not for genuine advice.
Back in the days we would call these people 'emotional vampires'.

 

[Rainman4707]

There's an active thread on here about how all it takes is one slip for a woman to "next" a man. The thread I'm starting right now is similar, only geared specifically to my circumstances.

My problem with "nexting" is how often (and how quickly) it happens.

Of the 9 free sex partners I've had, 8 were one night stands.

I want continued sex; not a one night stand.

And I've lost count of how many broads nexted me before sex even happened (The fact there's a high chance I'd chicken out anyway if a fertile broad offered me sex is beside the point. The point is: In many instances, I never even have the opportunity to find out whether I would have chickened out)

My track record begs the question: What incentive do I have to pursue broads if, based on my track record, I'm highly unlikely to get anything more than a one night stand (at most)?

My circumstances are a double whammy: In addition to a high rejection rate, I rarely get what I want even in the instances where I initially succeed in securing her interest.

If I had a high rejection rate, but at least had a decent track record of getting continued sex in the cases where I "succeed" (succeed as in "don't get insta-rejected"), I might be more motivated to pursue broads.

Don't get me wrong; I'd like to pursue more. I just sometimes have a hard time seeing the point.

Have you tried working on yourself, read corey waynes 3 per cent man 13 or 14 times. If you're not willing to put in the work, don't complain about not getting results.

 

[Clockwerk50]

It's a sign of attention-wh0ring, mostly rooted in a deep need for validation, not for genuine advice.
Back in the days we would call these people 'emotional vampires'.

Yea, I agree. He is immature. No wonder women don't like him.

 

[GoodMan32]

That’s all cool and all, but let's get back to the real scope if your thread: why you struggle to attract women and maintain their attention.

You’re afraid of rejection, which stops you from asking someone out. You miss women’s subtle cues because you're too absorbed in your own thoughts. You take everything too literally, failing to tune into their needs, which leads to misinterpreting interactions because you view everything through the lens of your own ego. You hesitate to approach women you’re attracted to because you’re more concerned about how you’ll appear to them than being genuinely captivated by their presence. You seem to believe women should offer sex out of some misplaced sense of entitlement, yet offer nothing to justify it.

You may not be impatient, but there are deeper insecurities preventing you from creating genuine, pleasurable connections. I don’t understand why you keep asking why you can’t have sex with the same person more than once when you’ve been given advice multiple times, only to argue against it. Why keep asking for advice if you're just going to dismiss it? Doesn’t that show you're more focused on your own perspective than actually trying to improve? This might be a sign of your self-absorption.

I'd venture to guess the fact I'm an autist has more to do with why I miss a woman's subtle clues.

As for the smear that I expect sex out of a sense of "entitlement," that's not true at all. I don't feel entitled to sex. A lot of incels (and borderline incels) get accused of feeling owed sex...when really, we simply want sex (and are angry about not getting it). As for what I have to offer, my looks. Many an uglier man gets cooch thrown at him.

Hell, there's a high chance I'd chicken out of sex with a fertile aged broad anyway.

I've taken some of the advice given to me on this forum.

 

[Vanderdonck]

I'd venture to guess the fact I'm an autist has more to do with why I miss a woman's subtle clues.

This probably is true. Maybe you should forget "clues" and just trust yourself. If a woman agrees to be alone with you, go for it. That's all the clue you need. If she says no, you took your shot.