Might have hit rock bottom due to alcoholism, but don't get that click

[Trez]

Ill define it. Big boy salesman all over the country. You have girls everywhere. You still drink a little and smoke a little weed but all the rest of it your done with. You know how to show folks a good time.

I don't even like smoking weed anymore it makes me feel paranoid and I just want to be alone when I smoke. I can't drink a little. If i have 5 regular beers it won't be enough, I'll wake up a couple hours later and won't be able to sleep. I just got extremely drunk an smoked half a gram of hard the day before yesterday.

If someone offered me a few beers I wouldn't even want it because it won't do anything for me. I need thirty regular beers. But liquor at malt liquor are cheaper.

 

[Trez]

I see these people drinking just a natural ice for example and are content. I don't understand how. I need to like 15 natural ices.

A lot of the men I got close to here in Florida are actually salesmen. One I met in rehab who was the Ford franchise sales manager of the dealership in Jacksonville, is one of the men I was closest to. He made a lot of money, time shares, cars, he sold everything, but he's a really bad alcoholic. Went from working for the Ford franchise, to a used car dealership, was the sales manager there, then he managed to fvck that up, so now he opened his own used dealership. This man would confide in me about his most personal things, especially with his wife who was also a salesman. He used to be fvcking rich, still has money. But he's just like me when it comes to addiction. He can't find peace in his life. No matter how much money or material possessions, he just lacks it. I don't know how he is now. My phone got stolen a few months ago when I was on the street again. I lost his number. He did kratom for a while, but started getting real emotionally unstable on it, like me. But when he drinks within a few days he's getting arrested, fighting the police, and waking up in jail.

I'm talking this man has had a beautiful home in Jacksonville, with horses, Mercedes, tons of tons of money. But he gains all this value, the stress the accumulation of value results in his addiction getting bad, then loses some of it. He's not a bad man at all. He grew up in rural Massachusetts. I grew up in rural Wisconsin. This is where we really connected. Especially talking about wandering around the woods alone as children. Hunting. Stealing out uncles alcohol. He's a country boy too. Seems like the more money he's gained, which is a lot, the more it's destroyed him.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I see these people drinking just a natural ice for example and are content. I don't understand how. I need to like 15 natural ices.

A lot of the men I got close to here in Florida are actually salesmen. One I met in rehab who was the Ford franchise sales manager of the dealership in Jacksonville, is one of the men I was closest to. He made a lot of money, time shares, cars, he sold everything, but he's a really bad alcoholic. Went from working for the Ford franchise, to a used car dealership, was the sales manager there, then he managed to fvck that up, so now he opened his own used dealership. This man would confide in me about his most personal things, especially with his wife who was also a salesman. He used to be fvcking rich, still has money. But he's just like me when it comes to addiction. He can't find peace in his life. No matter how much money or material possessions, he just lacks it. I don't know how he is now. My phone got stolen a few months ago when I was on the street again. I lost his number. He did kratom for a while, but started getting real emotionally unstable on it, like me. But when he drinks within a few days he's getting arrested, fighting the police, and waking up in jail.

I'm talking this man has had a beautiful home in Jacksonville, with horses, Mercedes, tons of tons of money. But he gains all this value, the stress the accumulation of value results in his addiction getting bad, then loses some of it. He's not a bad man at all. He grew up in rural Massachusetts. I grew up in rural Wisconsin. This is where we really connected. Especially talking about wandering around the woods alone as children. Hunting. Stealing out uncles alcohol. He's a country boy too. Seems like the more money he's gained, which is a lot, the more it's destroyed him.

He'll get it back when he takes care of the addiction. Takes responsibility. To have peace, and fulfillment money can't be the ultimate goal. But it's a byproduct of how he's living. If you lost his number, remember his name. Google it. Those contacts will be useful.

 

[Trez]

One of my other best friends that I met here in Florida, hes from new Jersey. He used to live in the Philippines scamming people in Europe with phone sales (he said you never EVER try to scam Americans because then the fbi gets involved and is they do its over with) he had a beautiful condo with a maid who cooked cleaned and he fvcked her. He brought woman back to the house all the time, and his maid literally fell in love with him, and she'd cover for him, when the other women asked her questions if he was single or player, etc. He really grew to love and appreciate this woman, paid her extremely well for her loyalty. Last time I heard from him he was still living in Boca, had a winter condo he rented from a guy he knew who was gone all summer, spring and fall, he likes smoking crack and doing herion and fvcking hookers. He'd just invite me over to drink beer, eat ribs and watch fights. Last time i talked to him, i had been off kratom but started drinking again, did nothing else, I tried to tell him, because his health was wavering, "man you have to stop doing the herion you look like sh1t, your health is real bad" he didn't care, he said "look man this is what I like to do, I'm aware, this is what makes me happy" ok then. I never talked about that again. One time, this is when I was with my ex Cambodian hood rat, who she got real mad at me for going there, but wouldn't tell me I couldn't use her car, and he nodded out, standing up, unconscious. I figured he's still standing and breathing so it's not like he's dead. I had to yell at him to get him to snap out off it. I didn't want to watch him die or deal with the police. But he showed me generosity and kindness, looked out for me when I needed something. Gave me good advice on how to deal with other humans. Honestly Id be surprised to find out he's still alive. But the man could make money like you wouldn't believe, and he made money fast.

 

[Trez]

He'll get it back when he takes care of the addiction. Takes responsibility. To have peace, and fulfillment money can't be the ultimate goal. But it's a byproduct of how he's living. If you lost his number, remember his name. Google it. Those contacts will be useful.

You don't understand. At least Bob had some sense and sometimes tried to get sober, yet usually failed. The other one straight up told me " smoking crack and doing herion is what makes me happy" if he's alive, he's barely alive.

 

[Trez]

He'll get it back when he takes care of the addiction. Takes responsibility. To have peace, and fulfillment money can't be the ultimate goal. But it's a byproduct of how he's living. If you lost his number, remember his name. Google it. Those contacts will be useful.

The carsalesman Bob, I could talk into at least trying to get sober. He always tried to convince me to selling cars. He said "I'm teach you everything" he took his game so far that, if he sold a car to someone, he had a calender, he wrote down their family members birthdays and would send them post cards etc. He was telling me things he did to get sales you wouldn't believe anyone would take it to that extent. Absolute mad man. He was willing to take me under his wing. He always encouraged me to sell cars. Always told me I'd be good at it.this man was kind of insane. But one of my best friends.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

The carsalesman Bob, I could talk into at least trying to get sober. He always tried to convince me to selling cars. He said "I'm teach you everything" he took his game so far that, if he sold a car to someone, he had a calender, he wrote down their family members birthdays and would send them post cards etc. He was telling me things he did to get sales you wouldn't believe anyone would take it to that extent. Absolute mad man. He was willing to take me under his wing. He always encouraged me to sell cars. Always told me I'd be good at it.this man was kind of insane. But one of my best friends.

Shyt your fvcking lucky. He just needs to stay sober and focused. A connection like that will blow you up...

 

[Trez]

At least I'm still in my halfway house. As long as I don't get drug tested in the next few days I'm good. Even if I'm late on rent. Which usually I am. But here I am. Hung over bad the entire day yesterday. It's not even noon and I'm drunk.

 

[Trez]

Shyt your fvcking lucky. He just needs to stay sober and focused. A connection like that will blow you up...

They say that lawyers and salesmen have the highest rate of addiction and suicide. But could it be that addicts are just good salesmen? Chicken or the egg?

Especially if you end up on the streets. That's hardcore game. You can't trust anyone. People are dangerous. I've had knives pulled on me. I've had drunkards who've been drinking for 15 years being homeless acting crazy with me. It's a very touchy situation and you better know what to do without losing face. But I can also just have people giving me money sometimes. Especially women.

But my life is sh1t. I feel very restless and discontent. Even if I get women, that's not enough. That's almost nothing. I don't even care that much about sex. Smoking crack is way better than sex.

 

[Trez]

Me b1tching about how miserable my life is and as a result I got trashed and smoke crack. Look at her response. It's definitely a game.

 

[Trez]

Women are insane and retarded.

 

[Trez]

Shyt your fvcking lucky. He just needs to stay sober and focused. A connection like that will blow you up...

From a certain perspective many people might think Bob is like a thief. Legally he's not. But to me, he'd never take from me. He wanted to teach me to make money fast. Even when we were in rehab. I was on Tyne Christian track so my therapist (who i never felt comfortable with nor opened up to) couldn't read me). His therapist has a mastera degree in psychology, and believed in healing crystals, she was a retard. Poor man. I met his wife and she was 40, fine aa fvck, visited him, took care of him when he needed, she was a salesman too. That fvcking therapist made him stay double the time, he only did it because of he got approval from her he'd keep his sales management position at the Ford franchise dealership. He made a lot of money there and didn't want to lose it. Imagine how he felt when he found out the woman who was his therapist believed in healing crystals or stones. HAHAHA its terrible. Poor guy had a litteral retard deciding his fate, he couldn't even be real and get the help he needed because he had to eventually say fvck it and run game.

 

[Trez]

It's one thing to deal with a bullshvitter, it's and entirely different thing to deal with a delusional being (a woman).

 

[Trez]

Kratom addiction is way better than alcohol addiction man. Acohol nearly killed me a few times when i was younger. Host situation sounds pretty dire.

Going straight off alcohol like that can really **** u up for a longggg time. Once you experience your first panic attack from a withdrawal your brain is ****ed with anxiety and terror for a long time. I just drink kratom and smoke weed on alternating days now. Weed one day kratom tge next to prevent any withdrawals. **** alcohol.
Ideally he should probably use valium as sparingly as possible for a few weeks to reduce withdrawals go AA and never do any substance again. GBut tapering off tghen going down kratom seems more doable.

I've never ever had a panic attack. Before I joined the marine corps, I was taking norcos and had bought 100 2mg Xanax bars for $1 a piece and ate all those pills. Yes i suffered very much when detoxing but I've never experienced a panic attack. Even when coming off of 2 liters of vodka a day after a month of straight drinking, plus beer, i never felt chest pains. I was absolutely miserable in pain, and going insane in my mind, but physically I didn't experience panic attacks. I've never ever had a panic Attack. I've read about it a LOT.

Benzo/alcohol withdrawals can be bad. There was one time i remember I think i was sobering up. I think i either remember or had a dream of getting up and smashing my head into my door by accident. But when I woke up and felt this alleged memory, i felt my face and head, looked in the mirror, but their were no marks and I think i was good. Even that time i was going to school for electrical engineering technology. It was my second try. Never showed up to lectures I already knew how it works. I used to have to have some Xanax to go to my other classes because id be getting the shakes so bad, couldn't think, felt like i was going insane.my sociology professor, a black phd student, came up to me in the community college lounge (as I was drinking vodka from a water bottle) got on his knees and almost cried, asking me why I got the highest grade, why every one else's is failing, and I said " What do you mean? Your lectures are interesting and simple you literally only ask us to remember three things" bro I'd be so hung over and suffering and first one done with his tests. It was. Mostly black people in the class. I didn't know what to tell this guy. I was very drunk. The man got on his knees. I literally told him, "dude what are your doing stand up".

I straight up told film, look I've been getting smashed every day for the last few months. Your class is one of the most interesting and easiest classes I've ever taken. I enjoy your lectures. They're just lazy.

 

[Trez]

Funniest thing ever. In this sociology class. We were asked to do a presentation. The title is mine was "the police (not the band)" verbatim. It was mostly black people in my class, in Racine Wisconsin. It's the hood basically. It was an informative presentation about what you're rights are as a citizen. For example, i played a song by the police (the band) then I talked about your rights. For example, if a cop pulls you over, if they ask you where you are coming from, or where you are going, you can absolutely not answer. You ask "what crime to you. Suspect me if committing" and "am I being detained?" they were shocked, the blacks. One girl said "you really don't have to answer where you're coming from or going?" i said "fvck no you don't" at the end, i said you basically need to exercise your rights like I've told you, systematically or this will happen, and I played the entire footage of Rodney king getting his a$$ beat. These black people didn't know what to think. I think i shocked them. But I informed them of their rights. I think they knew a little about Rodney king, but i made them all watch Rodney king get his @ss beaten. I won't lie about getting a soft rubbery one from the looks on their faces. They're so obsessed with pop culture and social media that they've never really considered the truly darker things of our history as a nation.

Even being homeless in Florida in a republican county, i woke up at 3am had been drinking for a few weeks. Was walking down the street. This young female cop pulls me over. I says "what crime do you suspect me of committing" her response " none" i say am I being detained, she said no. Ok so I'm free to go right? As I'm nodding my head (in sales you use your body language, often times, people will reflect you and you can control them to ab extent this way. She said no, o laughed and said what the fvck do you mean? Then a male cop shows up and I asked him "am i being detained" he said absolutely not " so I can go right?" nodding my head. He said yes. I told the female cop excuse me, she moved and I kept walking.

But the funniest thing is i made a group of blacks watch Rodney King get his as beaten. Too funny. My professor said "do you think you took things to far?" hell no. B1tch fvck you

 

[mrgoodstuff]

They say that lawyers and salesmen have the highest rate of addiction and suicide. But could it be that addicts are just good salesmen? Chicken or the egg?

Especially if you end up on the streets. That's hardcore game. You can't trust anyone. People are dangerous. I've had knives pulled on me. I've had drunkards who've been drinking for 15 years being homeless acting crazy with me. It's a very touchy situation and you better know what to do without losing face. But I can also just have people giving me money sometimes. Especially women.

But my life is sh1t. I feel very restless and discontent. Even if I get women, that's not enough. That's almost nothing. I don't even care that much about sex. Smoking crack is way better than sex.

Those jobs have a "devils advocate" or "boiler room" amounts of stress in them. Coupled with alcohol its like adding gas fumes to spark. So it happens quickly. Alcohol was their "go to" to. "Relax" and to "unwind"... So it catches them quick.

 

[Kotaix]

This is just a rant, I have no respect for myself, I don't expect any of you either, I've become an absolute disgrace.

My country went in lockdown beginning of March, that is where it all started to go wrong I think. That plus a girl.
Was bored most of the time, so started drinking every day in the evening. Then was gaming online with some friends in the afternoon and thought "well a beer or shot might make it even more fun". In the beginning it was still 'ok', but I started drinking more and more. I can count the days where I didn't have a drink from half of March till today on one hand.

After the lockdown I had to go back to work, I do want to make clear I never went to work intoxicated, but 5 minutes after I got home, I had a drink in me. There was a period these were at least 2 shots of vodka/whiskey (after 1h30 I usually had like 5 shots in total).

The other part of the story is a particular girl I met at work. HB9. I'm a very shy guy, but I managed to text her and we were texting a lot, nearly every day and some great conversations, but at work I was just too shy to just talk to her. Those great conversations happened because I was usually slightly intoxicated, but it never got to the point where I was over the top. These were naturally flowing conversations, just like a normal person could have with a girl he's interested in and where she's interested too. I could because I felt like it (because of the alcohol). It never 'hurted' our friendship, on the contrary, it got better and better. I was amazed I could be like this and I could get this attention from a hb9, but it caused an alcohol dependency... When I woke up in the morning sober, I felt useless again: should I text her something? does she still like me? why didn't I receive a text from her yet?...

The last month and a half it really went downhill though. I still don't have to go to work that often. There were some days I started drinking before noon. There were days I just spent in bed drinking. One day about 4 weeks back it just was too much, was crazy drunk at 1pm and just started being annoying towards her (stuff like "text me, blow up my phone, I think something is going on between us,...). Ofcourse our conversations haven't been the same ever since. To be honest, she tried to reconnect, but I just can't anymore, I'm too ashamed. I still drink almost every day, it's less though, but it's still too much.

Before the lockdown I had a great looking physique, I went to the gym nearly every day and was paying attention to my food and alcohol intake. I've gotten to the point again where I go to the gym again, but I feel so fvcking miserable because of her. I've always been shy and had low self-esteem all my life, but I'm just a fraction of who I was right now and I don't know how to get out of this.

I've started seeing a psychologist, but to be honest, I don't know if it's gonna work. I do realize it's all in my mind and I've never been this low in my life before. But I don't know how to recover. And I'm afraid I'm becoming a guy who I never wanted to become.

I was in the same situation as you around the beginning of last year, except with weed and not with booze, but I've made huge inroads since then and my life has improved in kind. But the drug is not your problem, it's just the symptom.

Your problem is that you think compulsively, and especially with being couped up like this, all you have to think about are your own thoughts. So you over-analyze everything and you think that you should somehow be able to control every factor that plays into how your life works, then you beat yourself up when you make a mistake which only leads to more thinking and more drinking, which then makes it even worse. Your thoughts are in a positive feedback loop, and this is very dangerous, as you've found out.

I would hazard a guess that you're smart and too intellectual and analytical for your own good.

First off, you need to realize that you can never control everything to the point where you don't make mistakes or get what you want. You have to accept that you are a small part of the universe as a whole that is constantly expressing itself moment by moment and it doesn't give two sh!ts about you or anyone else. Sh!t happens and there is nothing you can do about it except roll with the punches and not complain about that which you have no control over.

If you've seen the movie groundhog day that's a REALLY good analogy. The main character has a sudden fling with the female romantic interest and it's magical and flows like wine, but then every day he tries to force that interaction happen to again and she rejects him because it's not natural and the interaction flows like diarrhea. In the end he only gets with her and breaks the cycle of repeating the same day when he realizes that he has to just let things flow and accept that the outcome might not be what he wants. You are in the same situation with this woman and alcohol. The minute you stop drinking is the minute you start thinking and you get uptight and insecure again.

The solution to this problem is to learn to stop thinking. For me, it became a spiritual journey. I started working on meditation and cutting off the trains of thought that would lead to dark places or feed my insecurities. It didn't happen overnight, but over the course of a few months I no longer found myself thinking my way into self-destructive downward spirals. Nowadays I don't even get them anymore except when I smoke weed, so I've mostly eliminated that from my life.

All 12 step programs work on this same principle, as do all religions: Learn and accept that you can't control most things in life.

Also, this is a lifelong trajectory. Just like you have to keep going to the gym to stay ripped, you have to keep working on your mental fortitude to stay sharp, if you stop practicing your mind will weaken.

I highly recommend Zen and the book 'Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind".

 

[Trez]

Those jobs have a "devils advocate" or "boiler room" amounts of stress in them. Coupled with alcohol its like adding gas fumes to spark. So it happens quickly. Alcohol was their "go to" to. "Relax" and to "unwind"... So it catches them quick.

The highest suicide rate is in sales and lawyers. What do you think?

 

[Trez]

Addiction to a particular substance is the symptom, its not the specific substance that's important. That's why when you get sober your still have work to do. Sobriety is the best choice, but just getting sober will absolutely not solve all your problems.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

The highest suicide rate is in sales and lawyers. What do you think?

They need a better way to handle stress. Fitness.