Might have hit rock bottom due to alcoholism, but don't get that click

Trez

Banned
Joined
Aug 3, 2020
Messages
473
Reaction score
226
Age
36
I'm struggling and this song is my emotional anchor. It fires me up a bit.
 

mrgoodstuff

Master Don Juan
Joined
Aug 27, 2015
Messages
17,885
Reaction score
12,121
Location
DFW, TX
Go ahead and try to explain this to them. They will not only not care, they'll not listen.
Of course. Just let them see you some will figure it out. Those two groups are pro "ignorers"
 

Trez

Banned
Joined
Aug 3, 2020
Messages
473
Reaction score
226
Age
36
"i have a secret place inside my mind where you'll find hidden inspiration you won't find"
 

Trez

Banned
Joined
Aug 3, 2020
Messages
473
Reaction score
226
Age
36
It gives them an edge... Thats the sell.
I was homeschooled till the 8 the grade. I spent time I with my mother, two older sisters, some of my best friends were girls ( i saw vaginas from a very young age) the point where I'd be like "mom why is Rachel or Rebeca being so mean?" my mom explained what a period was and I was like 6. I said "well we need to start writing on the calender..." one time I punched the sister above me in her mouth, she was bleeding all over, u was maybe 4,my mom gave us a dirty look and i thought i was gonna get my @ss beat by my father. Nothing happened. My mom is a American born Swede. My mother was gangster.
 

Trez

Banned
Joined
Aug 3, 2020
Messages
473
Reaction score
226
Age
36
Salwsmab
It gives them an edge... Thats the sell.
Salesman will laugh in your face. They ain't give a fvck about even themselves, why would they care what you think? South Florida has been a very eye opening experience for me. Good in some ways, sad in others m everything is a double edged sword. You take the bad with the good. As a man it's about accepting reality and then bearing it. I didn't have do murder japanese people and risk my life all the time like my grandfather, but I have an entirely different set of struggles to deal with. That is life and I understand why my grandfather was such an angry man. He had it worse and easier in different ways. I didn't get to choose when I was born.
 

Trez

Banned
Joined
Aug 3, 2020
Messages
473
Reaction score
226
Age
36
One of the last times I was at a detox, I met this cute girl. She was always watching movies in the movie room by herself. I was so restless I silently came in the room with her. Watched one movies that was a gay drama. Then later she watched another movie, gay @ss drama. I did start talking to her. I asked a bit about her situation. She had been a stripper, cucking her baby daddy at the time, literally he took her to jobs and enabled her behavior to fund her cocaine habit. Cucked the dude. It wasn't me so I didn't judge her. But after watching the second movie with her I finally said it was " why the fvck do you watch movies about psycho b1tches murdering their boyfriends and the man they're cheating with?" i felt slightly attacked. I stopped talking to her. She came up to me, pulled me into a hug, this whovre warmly hugged me for calling her out for acting like q psycho whovre. I mean she was Leaving, she said walked up, grabbed me and warmly hugged me. What the fvck is happening i thought. This woman explained how she used to be a cocaine addicted stripper, completely used men, i told her what she is, and her instinct was to warmly hug me. I was just pacing down the hall because I felt sick. She did it in front of all the nurses too.
 

Trez

Banned
Joined
Aug 3, 2020
Messages
473
Reaction score
226
Age
36
Call me insane but anything that comes out of my parents mouth is mystical to me.
 

bat soup

Master Don Juan
Joined
Apr 10, 2020
Messages
4,261
Reaction score
4,762
Age
44
With texting you need to get to the point quickly and meet up. Nothing is ever going to happen over text and it's likely (as seems to have happened) that you'll end up saying something that turns her off, because you can't see how she's reacting. She might just enjoy the attention and have zero sexual interest for all you know, so you also want to find that out quickly to avoid wasting your time and getting emotionally attached to a woman that might not even see you as an option.

I don't know what to say about the alcohol, apart from maybe you can try some new hobbies or find something better to do to distract yourself from the addiction. Find something that you enjoy doing that is actually good for you rather than bad.
 

Trez

Banned
Joined
Aug 3, 2020
Messages
473
Reaction score
226
Age
36
Gotta head back to the house. Let's hope no one knows I'm drunk. It's gonna be how it's gonna be.
cheers
 

redskinsfan92

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jun 18, 2018
Messages
1,856
Reaction score
1,478
Age
32
This is just a rant, I have no respect for myself, I don't expect any of you either, I've become an absolute disgrace.

My country went in lockdown beginning of March, that is where it all started to go wrong I think. That plus a girl.
Was bored most of the time, so started drinking every day in the evening. Then was gaming online with some friends in the afternoon and thought "well a beer or shot might make it even more fun". In the beginning it was still 'ok', but I started drinking more and more. I can count the days where I didn't have a drink from half of March till today on one hand.

After the lockdown I had to go back to work, I do want to make clear I never went to work intoxicated, but 5 minutes after I got home, I had a drink in me. There was a period these were at least 2 shots of vodka/whiskey (after 1h30 I usually had like 5 shots in total).

The other part of the story is a particular girl I met at work. HB9. I'm a very shy guy, but I managed to text her and we were texting a lot, nearly every day and some great conversations, but at work I was just too shy to just talk to her. Those great conversations happened because I was usually slightly intoxicated, but it never got to the point where I was over the top. These were naturally flowing conversations, just like a normal person could have with a girl he's interested in and where she's interested too. I could because I felt like it (because of the alcohol). It never 'hurted' our friendship, on the contrary, it got better and better. I was amazed I could be like this and I could get this attention from a hb9, but it caused an alcohol dependency... When I woke up in the morning sober, I felt useless again: should I text her something? does she still like me? why didn't I receive a text from her yet?...

The last month and a half it really went downhill though. I still don't have to go to work that often. There were some days I started drinking before noon. There were days I just spent in bed drinking. One day about 4 weeks back it just was too much, was crazy drunk at 1pm and just started being annoying towards her (stuff like "text me, blow up my phone, I think something is going on between us,...). Ofcourse our conversations haven't been the same ever since. To be honest, she tried to reconnect, but I just can't anymore, I'm too ashamed. I still drink almost every day, it's less though, but it's still too much.

Before the lockdown I had a great looking physique, I went to the gym nearly every day and was paying attention to my food and alcohol intake. I've gotten to the point again where I go to the gym again, but I feel so fvcking miserable because of her. I've always been shy and had low self-esteem all my life, but I'm just a fraction of who I was right now and I don't know how to get out of this.

I've started seeing a psychologist, but to be honest, I don't know if it's gonna work. I do realize it's all in my mind and I've never been this low in my life before. But I don't know how to recover. And I'm afraid I'm becoming a guy who I never wanted to become.
I advise you leave alcohol behind completely
 

Romanemp22

Master Don Juan
Joined
Aug 30, 2020
Messages
961
Reaction score
899
Age
27
This is just a rant, I have no respect for myself, I don't expect any of you either, I've become an absolute disgrace.

My country went in lockdown beginning of March, that is where it all started to go wrong I think. That plus a girl.
Was bored most of the time, so started drinking every day in the evening. Then was gaming online with some friends in the afternoon and thought "well a beer or shot might make it even more fun". In the beginning it was still 'ok', but I started drinking more and more. I can count the days where I didn't have a drink from half of March till today on one hand.

After the lockdown I had to go back to work, I do want to make clear I never went to work intoxicated, but 5 minutes after I got home, I had a drink in me. There was a period these were at least 2 shots of vodka/whiskey (after 1h30 I usually had like 5 shots in total).

The other part of the story is a particular girl I met at work. HB9. I'm a very shy guy, but I managed to text her and we were texting a lot, nearly every day and some great conversations, but at work I was just too shy to just talk to her. Those great conversations happened because I was usually slightly intoxicated, but it never got to the point where I was over the top. These were naturally flowing conversations, just like a normal person could have with a girl he's interested in and where she's interested too. I could because I felt like it (because of the alcohol). It never 'hurted' our friendship, on the contrary, it got better and better. I was amazed I could be like this and I could get this attention from a hb9, but it caused an alcohol dependency... When I woke up in the morning sober, I felt useless again: should I text her something? does she still like me? why didn't I receive a text from her yet?...

The last month and a half it really went downhill though. I still don't have to go to work that often. There were some days I started drinking before noon. There were days I just spent in bed drinking. One day about 4 weeks back it just was too much, was crazy drunk at 1pm and just started being annoying towards her (stuff like "text me, blow up my phone, I think something is going on between us,...). Ofcourse our conversations haven't been the same ever since. To be honest, she tried to reconnect, but I just can't anymore, I'm too ashamed. I still drink almost every day, it's less though, but it's still too much.

Before the lockdown I had a great looking physique, I went to the gym nearly every day and was paying attention to my food and alcohol intake. I've gotten to the point again where I go to the gym again, but I feel so fvcking miserable because of her. I've always been shy and had low self-esteem all my life, but I'm just a fraction of who I was right now and I don't know how to get out of this.

I've started seeing a psychologist, but to be honest, I don't know if it's gonna work. I do realize it's all in my mind and I've never been this low in my life before. But I don't know how to recover. And I'm afraid I'm becoming a guy who I never wanted to become.
You need to snap the fvck out of that sh1t because its a downroll spirall. I know its easier said than done but you are tougher than that, so what If you fvck up with this one girl, you will meet another one eventually. Start hitting gym, also droping alcohol and start eating well again and you can snap back. What led to you being mentally weak prior drinking problem? Did you have some tough period prior that because that can be the stressor
 

Noseekey

Don Juan
Joined
Apr 17, 2020
Messages
27
Reaction score
10
What makes it especially sh!tty when waking up sober is that you've tied the positive qualities you displayed while drinking to the substance. So you feel you need the substance to be the way you liked being, that's the lie alcohol tells you. In truth that's the way you actually are, the alcohol is just the excuse you need to stop inhibiting yourself.

So when you do get over your alcoholism, remember this. Alcohol doesn't change who you are, it just temporarily softens your inhibitions. You hit the sweet spot when a little tipsy, indicating you need to practice being a bit less inhibited while sober. As you get more drunk you lose more and more inhibitions, as you have seen there is such a thing as being too uninhibited, that's when you embarrass yourself.

Just a little bit less inhibited, a little more "fvck it" attitude and you'll get back to that place you want to be. Make it a point to do it without alcohol, just to be sure you anchor this confidence to yourself and not a substance.

As for the alcohol addiction itself I don't have the knowledge or experience to give advice on that, but the advice about that already given here seems good.
Thanks for writing this man...I know it a little random having me pop out of nowhere but this is the very thing I needed to hear. Your time spent formulating this has been so greatly appreciated and has most likely changed a life for the better.
 

Trez

Banned
Joined
Aug 3, 2020
Messages
473
Reaction score
226
Age
36
So now I've been drinking for three days straight. I ran out of money today. I started walking back to my halfway house, i stopped and thought "man in more drunk enough, i drank a 24oz 4 loko hard seitlzer, but it's not enough." stopped in my tracks, turned around stopped, started walking back. The first person I see, some 50 yo black woman I just said "hey mami, could you help me out with a dollar?" as she pulled out her wallet and starts fingering two dollar bills i says "Anything will help" this bish literally says fvck it and puts a $20 bill in my hand. The first person I run game on all day. I'm a seasoned hustler at times. ALL women are mami and they love being called mami, or baby, or princess, or honey.
 
Top