An update
The drinking is way less, there has only been two days where I had a serious hangover.
But I’m depressed. She doesn’t text anymore and when I get to work or any other social setting I feel worthless. Everyone seems happy, joking around,... I spend my days as most as possible in bed. Can hardly drag myself to the gym and skip many days.
It’s a combination of being heartbroken and the fact that I can not let go of the stupid things I’ve done when I was drunk and that I drank so much and let myself go.
I can not see a way out. I started seeing a psychologist but until now that’s not working, it even got worse.
Man I can relate to that. But you have to consider that your building yourself up to relapse every time. It's like you're mind fvcking yourself into this pattern. Think about it, when you are sober and you think about something you did or said when drunk it causes you stress and anxiety and what's your reaction to that? Have a drink. I'm the same way. Plus with drinking I can do things i normally wouldn't do, sometimes illegal, because when I'm drinking I don't think about that kind of stuff. Or I might think about smoking crack, but I'm not going to, I'll just get a little tipsy and relax, but then next thing I know I'm getting some dope or doing something risky and crazy that I have no business doing.
I totally understand you think this is ridiculous. But you got to stop at some point. A therapist isn't going to help you stop drinking, maybe but I doubt it, that's if you're anything like me.
I would highly suggest you go talk to your doctor and ask for gabapentin, at minimum 400mg 3x a day, maybe 600mg. I was on 800mg. It'll help but it'll still take some discipline.
Honestly phenibut may be helpful if you can treat it like a medication and not take to much or everyday. Man I can't drink anymore because when I drink I like to drink til i pass out. I will drink malt liquor a couple days then I'm going right to liquor and last time I did that I went on a month long bender, I was coughing up green stuff, ****ting green stuff, my feet were in horrendous shape, the nurse was like what the fvck happened to you.
Even when I had been using a lot of kratom, dosing like 5 times a day, chain smoking, I found that when I took gabapentin I could go much longer in between doses, use less, and I didn't even really want to smoke cigs. Gabapentin is good for detoxing off of almost any substance and it helps prevent relapse.
But if you won't try that, at least with phenibut it's significantly less toxic to your body and it doesn't impair motor function. Phenibut has significantly more recreational value than gabapentin, but you should really try to focus on not chasing the euphoria
The thing that gives you that opioid like feeling, that euphoria, is your blood alcohol level rising. Once that tapers off and is level you're still drunk, but to get that euphoria back you have to drink more.
Any of the good drugs, or "noortropics" that really work well, are going to cause withdrawal symptoms btw.
