Might have hit rock bottom due to alcoholism, but don't get that click

[Murk]

If you really did good on you. That means your aren't drinking at all, smoking weed, using cocaine in any form, and not using opioids or opiates. Keep it that way. I can't seem to hardly seem sober, but I wish I could one day and the sooner the better. I'm so tired of living this way but it seems to be me difficult for me than many people. I can get ***** but drugs are better. Being on the streets is a horrible life and you must resort to a form of super game. It's like being numb at all times. Can't trust anyone. Feels hopeless. The best way is to be completely clean all the time.

No, I just meant rock bottom. I still drink occasionally, but not daily alone in my house for the sake of it, maybe once a week.

I stopped smoking weed years ago.

Cocaine is on offer at birthdays/events etc. and sometimes I do partake.

I just have complete control and no dependence on any substance. However, I enjoy substances and they're in my social circles.

I've said this before cocaine is not a big deal unless you are doing it weekly or every few weeks.

 

[Trez]

No, I just meant rock bottom. I still drink occasionally, but not daily alone in my house for the sake of it, maybe once a week.

I stopped smoking weed years ago.

Cocaine is on offer at birthdays/events etc. and sometimes I do partake.

I just have complete control and no dependence on any substance. However, I enjoy substances and they're in my social circles.

I've said this before cocaine is not a big deal unless you are doing it weekly or every few weeks.

You only think you have control. Ha aha a Hahaha Hehe, if you had control you wouldn't do any of it. Now quit being a ***** and either smoke crack or cut it all out.

 

[Trez]

B1tch a$$ delusional fvck thinks he has a choice. Delusional like a woman.

 

[Murk]

You only think you have control. Ha aha a Hahaha Hehe, if you had control you wouldn't do any of it. Now quit being a ***** and either smoke crack or cut it all out.

It's not one extreme or the other... life isn't as black and white as that.

I'm in a great place, I'm sorry that makes you feel negative.

 

[Solomon]

Covid19 has been tough especially for people who are addicts or bored or just lack willpower
I myself noticed myself drinking more, every day at one point. Recently I keep the drinking to the weekends
It's easy to fall in the darkhole OP trust me I know especially when you're lonely and depressed

 

[Trez]

It's not one extreme or the other... life isn't as black and white as that.

I'm in a great place, I'm sorry that makes you feel negative.

Don't take anything I wrote when I was drinking serious. I don't remember remember a lot of it. I slipped up, meant to only have a drink, smoked crack once I was drunk because I just don't are when I drink. Drank for another three days straight till i pass out. And I've been hung over for a few days.

 

[Trez]

Seams like SS is becoming a place for theraputic advice.

Tell that to my brother. This isn't true for everyone. Dude a switch literally switches in this guy at about the 6th beer.
Im not the only one who sees it in the family.
Been this way his whole life and when i say jekkl and Hyde i mean it literally.
When sober. Different dude altogether.

Seems SS going to have to add a therapy sub catergory

Ss is like a recovery program for hardcase newcomers already. Look at the no contact thread, I can't even read that sh1t because it's absolutely miserable, not that i haven't struggled with the same thing in the past.

 

[Trez]

Op you have a few options. If your have health insurance good. You could always go to your doctor and be honest, ask him for a Librium taper, but he may not give it to you to do at home. Librium is the first benzodiazepine ever developed, it has a very long half-life, actually every other benzodiazepine was created from Librium, Librium metabolizes into every other benzo as you're liver metabolizes it. It's commonly used in detoxes.

Ask to be put on gabapentin too. It's a nerve pain medication developed for fibromyalgia, but has been shown very effective for detoxes and treating cravings or paws (post acute withdrawals), it's commonly prescribed as an anti anxiety medication for people with substance abuse issues, it's non-narcotic.

Kratom would definitely work but might turn into another addiction that you'll need more and more of, it can cause constipation (sh1tting green bricks), make you skinny. And has withdrawals that are acutely less intense than opiates, but last longer, ie malaise and insomnia.

Phenibut is an option, but it's habit forming and the withdrawals are worse than alcohol depending how long you've been drinking. It's as bad as, possibly worse than benzo withdrawals.

You could try treatment such as rehab, IOP (intensive out patient treatment), or long term faith based rehabs are usually free or very cheap.

I would suggest either toughing it out if you can, or only gabapentin. But gabapentin will also taken a certain level of will power.

Kava helps too. Its a root that Polynesians make a drink out of. It acts on your gaba receptors. But it's kind of short lived and for me personally, it causes anxiety once the effects wear off. I ended up going on crazy binges with that too.

It certain ways I have extreme will power. But when it comes to mind altering substances it really Jacks me up.

Stay away from antidepressants, antipsychotics, psychiatric medications are poison.

I've met several men who are bad alcoholics and have developed seizure disorders from their drinking. They either quit drinking and have to take antiseizure meds, or they have to keep drinking whenever they're awake and some of them still might have a seizure.

I met this one couple at a bus stop when I was travelling from where I'm at to Miami, did it a few times when I was on the streets. He was friendly as fvck, but they looked absolutely tattered. He straight up told me that if he doesn't drink liquor every four hours he starts having seizures. He gave me vodka and a few smokes too.

How it works with actual alcoholics is that, as you drink and your blood alcohol level rises you get an opioid like feeling, and that's what they chase. For me i can drink liquor and I may feel like sh1t, but within a few hours i FEEL like I'm sober again, even though a breathalyzer will tell you differently.

 

[Murk]

Don't take anything I wrote when I was drinking serious. I don't remember remember a lot of it. I slipped up, meant to only have a drink, smoked crack once I was drunk because I just don't are when I drink. Drank for another three days straight till i pass out. And I've been hung over for a few days.

I didn't which is why I wish you well bro. I've been in dark places and done stupid drunken ****. This sin't a place to ridicule, we build each other up here.

Have you thought a bout therapy? The free kind as I know you prob can't afford it. Or even talking to friends and family.

 

[Trez]

I didn't which is why I wish you well bro. I've been in dark places and done stupid drunken ****. This sin't a place to ridicule, we build each other up here.

Have you thought a bout therapy? The free kind as I know you prob can't afford it. Or even talking to friends and family.

What is a therapist going to do for me? When I went to rehab for 30 days not once was I able to feel comfortable to really talk, my mind goes blank and I become emotionless. Or after rehab, in iop I had another therapist for a couple months. I don't know what to say to them and they don't really know what to do with me. The most open I've been with someone is this sponsor I had from AA and only made it to the fourth step before I just ghosted him. I don't trust anyone tbqh. Or maybe I just don't care. I hated groups in rehab and iop. Like I'm going to talk about my feelings with strangers. Or at faith farm we had to journal every night. There's kind of a system and you follow it when you journal. The graduates read it and assist the instructor and have you read it outloud and talk about it. For example something someone might have said it done that bothered you, why did it bother you, how can you deal with it. Problem was nothing bothered me, i simply didn't give a fvck about any of those people. I keep to myself mostly. I don't allow myself to get emotional attachments, or I just shut it out and don't think about it. I hate therapists.

 

[Murk]

What is a therapist going to do for me? When I went to rehab for 30 days not once was I able to feel comfortable to really talk, my mind goes blank and I become emotionless. Or after rehab, in iop I had another therapist for a couple months. I don't know what to say to them and they don't really know what to do with me. The most open I've been with someone is this sponsor I had from AA and only made it to the fourth step before I just ghosted him. I don't trust anyone tbqh. Or maybe I just don't care. I hated groups in rehab and iop. Like I'm going to talk about my feelings with strangers. Or at faith farm we had to journal every night. There's kind of a system and you follow it when you journal. The graduates read it and assist the instructor and have you read it outloud and talk about it. For example something someone might have said it done that bothered you, why did it bother you, how can you deal with it. Problem was nothing bothered me, i simply didn't give a fvck about any of those people. I keep to myself mostly. I don't allow myself to get emotional attachments, or I just shut it out and don't think about it. I hate therapists.

Oh, so you're just giving up then? When my mother died a few years ago and left me all alone in this world with no family I hit the drink and drugs hard. I dug myself out of that hole after a few years through therapy and a burning desire to LIVE. LIVE HAPPY. Don't wallow, don't even post your BS on this forum. I'm not gonna have it.

You need to get sober and find a reason to live, right now you're just surviving, that isn't good enough. I'm just words on a screen, you need to dig deep and find a reason to live bro or you are going to die way before your time.

 

[Trez]

I didn't which is why I wish you well bro. I've been in dark places and done stupid drunken ****. This sin't a place to ridicule, we build each other up here.

Have you thought a bout therapy? The free kind as I know you prob can't afford it. Or even talking to friends and family.

I've had people literally tell me that I am one of the most even keeled, relaxed people they've ever met. More than once. I've told them, "yeah well you just can't read my thoughts" I just act extremely aloof at all times, as long as anyone isn't putting their hands on me, and they never do.

Oh, so you're just giving up then? When my mother died a few years ago and left me all alone in this world with no family I hit the drink and drugs hard. I dug myself out of that hole after a few years through therapy and a burning desire to LIVE. LIVE HAPPY. Don't wallow, don't even post your BS on this forum. I'm not gonna have it.

You need to get sober and find a reason to live, right now you're just surviving, that isn't good enough. I'm just words on a screen, you need to dig deep and find a reason to live bro or you are going to die way before your time.

I never said I was giving up. I'm just used to it. I just stopped giving a fvck about anything, but I'll still work and do what I have to do, usually. I guess I never looked at it as giving up, I just kind of became this way and never thought about it because why would I think about it? I just kind of learned to do whatever I feel like, but in a way where I stay out of jail because I absolutely hate feeling confined.

I was so aloof when I came back to Florida this time, this pretty hard @ss older guy I worked for referred to me as "capo" or something once. Which really made me think. I didn't realize I was acting like that at all. But people will leave you the fvck alone when you act like that.

Even at faith farm, after about ten days, the instructor said "are you here yet? I mean I know you're physically present, but you're not really here"

 

[HiTtc]

An update

The drinking is way less, there has only been two days where I had a serious hangover.

But I’m depressed. She doesn’t text anymore and when I get to work or any other social setting I feel worthless. Everyone seems happy, joking around,... I spend my days as most as possible in bed. Can hardly drag myself to the gym and skip many days.

It’s a combination of being heartbroken and the fact that I can not let go of the stupid things I’ve done when I was drunk and that I drank so much and let myself go.

I can not see a way out. I started seeing a psychologist but until now that’s not working, it even got worse.

 

[redskinsfan92]

An update

The drinking is way less, there has only been two days where I had a serious hangover.

But I’m depressed. She doesn’t text anymore and when I get to work or any other social setting I feel worthless. Everyone seems happy, joking around,... I spend my days as most as possible in bed. Can hardly drag myself to the gym and skip many days.

It’s a combination of being heartbroken and the fact that I can not let go of the stupid things I’ve done when I was drunk and that I drank so much and let myself go.

I can not see a way out. I started seeing a psychologist but until now that’s not working, it even got worse.

Find something your passionate about and immerse yourself in it. Could be rock climbing, sailing, casino advantage play, drums, etc.

 

[Trez]

An update

The drinking is way less, there has only been two days where I had a serious hangover.

But I’m depressed. She doesn’t text anymore and when I get to work or any other social setting I feel worthless. Everyone seems happy, joking around,... I spend my days as most as possible in bed. Can hardly drag myself to the gym and skip many days.

It’s a combination of being heartbroken and the fact that I can not let go of the stupid things I’ve done when I was drunk and that I drank so much and let myself go.

I can not see a way out. I started seeing a psychologist but until now that’s not working, it even got worse.

Man I can relate to that. But you have to consider that your building yourself up to relapse every time. It's like you're mind fvcking yourself into this pattern. Think about it, when you are sober and you think about something you did or said when drunk it causes you stress and anxiety and what's your reaction to that? Have a drink. I'm the same way. Plus with drinking I can do things i normally wouldn't do, sometimes illegal, because when I'm drinking I don't think about that kind of stuff. Or I might think about smoking crack, but I'm not going to, I'll just get a little tipsy and relax, but then next thing I know I'm getting some dope or doing something risky and crazy that I have no business doing.

I totally understand you think this is ridiculous. But you got to stop at some point. A therapist isn't going to help you stop drinking, maybe but I doubt it, that's if you're anything like me.

I would highly suggest you go talk to your doctor and ask for gabapentin, at minimum 400mg 3x a day, maybe 600mg. I was on 800mg. It'll help but it'll still take some discipline.

Honestly phenibut may be helpful if you can treat it like a medication and not take to much or everyday. Man I can't drink anymore because when I drink I like to drink til i pass out. I will drink malt liquor a couple days then I'm going right to liquor and last time I did that I went on a month long bender, I was coughing up green stuff, ****ting green stuff, my feet were in horrendous shape, the nurse was like what the fvck happened to you.

Even when I had been using a lot of kratom, dosing like 5 times a day, chain smoking, I found that when I took gabapentin I could go much longer in between doses, use less, and I didn't even really want to smoke cigs. Gabapentin is good for detoxing off of almost any substance and it helps prevent relapse.

But if you won't try that, at least with phenibut it's significantly less toxic to your body and it doesn't impair motor function. Phenibut has significantly more recreational value than gabapentin, but you should really try to focus on not chasing the euphoria

The thing that gives you that opioid like feeling, that euphoria, is your blood alcohol level rising. Once that tapers off and is level you're still drunk, but to get that euphoria back you have to drink more.

Any of the good drugs, or "noortropics" that really work well, are going to cause withdrawal symptoms btw.

 

[zinc4]

I see these people drinking just a natural ice for example and are content. I don't understand how. I need to like 15 natural ices.

A lot of the men I got close to here in Florida are actually salesmen. One I met in rehab who was the Ford franchise sales manager of the dealership in Jacksonville, is one of the men I was closest to. He made a lot of money, time shares, cars, he sold everything, but he's a really bad alcoholic. Went from working for the Ford franchise, to a used car dealership, was the sales manager there, then he managed to fvck that up, so now he opened his own used dealership. This man would confide in me about his most personal things, especially with his wife who was also a salesman. He used to be fvcking rich, still has money. But he's just like me when it comes to addiction. He can't find peace in his life. No matter how much money or material possessions, he just lacks it. I don't know how he is now. My phone got stolen a few months ago when I was on the street again. I lost his number. He did kratom for a while, but started getting real emotionally unstable on it, like me. But when he drinks within a few days he's getting arrested, fighting the police, and waking up in jail.

I'm talking this man has had a beautiful home in Jacksonville, with horses, Mercedes, tons of tons of money. But he gains all this value, the stress the accumulation of value results in his addiction getting bad, then loses some of it. He's not a bad man at all. He grew up in rural Massachusetts. I grew up in rural Wisconsin. This is where we really connected. Especially talking about wandering around the woods alone as children. Hunting. Stealing out uncles alcohol. He's a country boy too. Seems like the more money he's gained, which is a lot, the more it's destroyed him.

I drink kratom pretty frequently. Love it. I might take a break soon though because i notice i dont sleep good without any more.

 

[Trez]

I drink kratom pretty frequently. Love it. I might take a break soon though because i notice i dont sleep good without any more.

Go cold turkey and report back how you feel. How many grams do you take per day and for how long have you been taking it? If I take ten grams I barely feel it. When I take it, I take an oz, and in a few days I need two ozs to get a decent feeling out of it.

 

[zinc4]

Go cold turkey and report back how you feel. How many grams do you take per day and for how long have you been taking it? If I take ten grams I barely feel it. When I take it, I take an oz, and in a few days I need two ozs to get a decent feeling out of it.

I just mixed it in powder with hot water one big tablespoon and do this all day and night.

I did it for like 10 months straight less year cold turkey because i moved to China and thankfully didnt have any withdrawals besides some insomnia and a bit of prolonged depression.

 

[FMCSMT]

It won’t kill you to not drink. Read that again.

Smoke weed man

 

[Trez]

I just mixed it in powder with hot water one big tablespoon and do this all day and night.

I did it for like 10 months straight less year cold turkey because i moved to China and thankfully didnt have any withdrawals besides some insomnia and a bit of prolonged depression.

But how many ounces would you say you were doing a day at your heaviest use? You never woke up sneezing and covered in sweat with your body aching?