Might have hit rock bottom due to alcoholism, but don't get that click

[HiTtc]

This is just a rant, I have no respect for myself, I don't expect any of you either, I've become an absolute disgrace.

My country went in lockdown beginning of March, that is where it all started to go wrong I think. That plus a girl.
Was bored most of the time, so started drinking every day in the evening. Then was gaming online with some friends in the afternoon and thought "well a beer or shot might make it even more fun". In the beginning it was still 'ok', but I started drinking more and more. I can count the days where I didn't have a drink from half of March till today on one hand.

After the lockdown I had to go back to work, I do want to make clear I never went to work intoxicated, but 5 minutes after I got home, I had a drink in me. There was a period these were at least 2 shots of vodka/whiskey (after 1h30 I usually had like 5 shots in total).

The other part of the story is a particular girl I met at work. HB9. I'm a very shy guy, but I managed to text her and we were texting a lot, nearly every day and some great conversations, but at work I was just too shy to just talk to her. Those great conversations happened because I was usually slightly intoxicated, but it never got to the point where I was over the top. These were naturally flowing conversations, just like a normal person could have with a girl he's interested in and where she's interested too. I could because I felt like it (because of the alcohol). It never 'hurted' our friendship, on the contrary, it got better and better. I was amazed I could be like this and I could get this attention from a hb9, but it caused an alcohol dependency... When I woke up in the morning sober, I felt useless again: should I text her something? does she still like me? why didn't I receive a text from her yet?...

The last month and a half it really went downhill though. I still don't have to go to work that often. There were some days I started drinking before noon. There were days I just spent in bed drinking. One day about 4 weeks back it just was too much, was crazy drunk at 1pm and just started being annoying towards her (stuff like "text me, blow up my phone, I think something is going on between us,...). Ofcourse our conversations haven't been the same ever since. To be honest, she tried to reconnect, but I just can't anymore, I'm too ashamed. I still drink almost every day, it's less though, but it's still too much.

Before the lockdown I had a great looking physique, I went to the gym nearly every day and was paying attention to my food and alcohol intake. I've gotten to the point again where I go to the gym again, but I feel so fvcking miserable because of her. I've always been shy and had low self-esteem all my life, but I'm just a fraction of who I was right now and I don't know how to get out of this.

I've started seeing a psychologist, but to be honest, I don't know if it's gonna work. I do realize it's all in my mind and I've never been this low in my life before. But I don't know how to recover. And I'm afraid I'm becoming a guy who I never wanted to become.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

This is just a rant, I have no respect for myself, I don't expect any of you either, I've become an absolute disgrace.

My country went in lockdown beginning of March, that is where it all started to go wrong I think. That plus a girl.
Was bored most of the time, so started drinking every day in the evening. Then was gaming online with some friends in the afternoon and thought "well a beer or shot might make it even more fun". In the beginning it was still 'ok', but I started drinking more and more. I can count the days where I didn't have a drink from half of March till today on one hand.

After the lockdown I had to go back to work, I do want to make clear I never went to work intoxicated, but 5 minutes after I got home, I had a drink in me. There was a period these were at least 2 shots of vodka/whiskey (after 1h30 I usually had like 5 shots in total).

The other part of the story is a particular girl I met at work. HB9. I'm a very shy guy, but I managed to text her and we were texting a lot, nearly every day and some great conversations, but at work I was just too shy to just talk to her. Those great conversations happened because I was usually slightly intoxicated, but it never got to the point where I was over the top. These were naturally flowing conversations, just like a normal person could have with a girl he's interested in and where she's interested too. I could because I felt like it (because of the alcohol). It never 'hurted' our friendship, on the contrary, it got better and better. I was amazed I could be like this and I could get this attention from a hb9, but it caused an alcohol dependency... When I woke up in the morning sober, I felt useless again: should I text her something? does she still like me? why didn't I receive a text from her yet?...

The last month and a half it really went downhill though. I still don't have to go to work that often. There were some days I started drinking before noon. There were days I just spent in bed drinking. One day about 4 weeks back it just was too much, was crazy drunk at 1pm and just started being annoying towards her (stuff like "text me, blow up my phone, I think something is going on between us,...). Ofcourse our conversations haven't been the same ever since. To be honest, she tried to reconnect, but I just can't anymore, I'm too ashamed. I still drink almost every day, it's less though, but it's still too much.

Before the lockdown I had a great looking physique, I went to the gym nearly every day and was paying attention to my food and alcohol intake. I've gotten to the point again where I go to the gym again, but I feel so fvcking miserable because of her. I've always been shy and had low self-esteem all my life, but I'm just a fraction of who I was right now and I don't know how to get out of this.

I've started seeing a psychologist, but to be honest, I don't know if it's gonna work. I do realize it's all in my mind and I've never been this low in my life before. But I don't know how to recover. And I'm afraid I'm becoming a guy who I never wanted to become.

Replace alcohol and her with gym time. I suggest dedicating a part of your life to it. Stay purposefully engaged in your activities.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I think your story is pretty common. Our gyms have been closed since March as well and my body is pretty much gone to s*** because I just really don't enjoy body weight stuff. I've also been drinking far too much, first out of boredom and then to manage anxiety(some probably caused by the drinking itself). I wouldn't be too hard on yourself but just try to win one day at a time.

Alcohol increases stress and anxiety.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Alcohol increases stress and anxiety.

And also fat storing and it is very estrogenic in the body

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Listen bro. You need to understand that YOU are in control of your life and YOU can make the changes needed to turn it all around. Get help, and then pick yourself back up and make it happen! You got this!

 

[mrgoodstuff]

And also fat storing and it is very estrogenic in the body

YES. Incredibly estrogenic. Beer is terrible for estrogen. Hard liquor too. Alcohol decrease metabolism by 70% decreases testosterone. Increases estrogen. Increases cortisol and stress in the body.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

I have faith in you that you can get past the drinking. Difficult times we are in. But for future reference, do not invest so much time in being pen-pals with a girl. The whole time, you are thinking your investment will lead to something romantic, meanwhile she has already friend-zoned you and is just enjoying the attention and someone to talk to. Eventually once you get the courage to make a move, she will be horrified and also very confused as to why you would suddenly do this to her, which will make her break all communication with you. Never do that. If you like a girl, you make a move on her. If you are too shy or insecure to do that, then you need to address that in yourself through therapy, self development, reading books, reading this forum, watching videos, etc. Trying to pen-pal or nice your way into a girls pants has never worked for anyone and it is not an alternative option to the more direct, in-person approach.

 

[TonyTenner]

This is just a rant, I have no respect for myself, I don't expect any of you either, I've become an absolute disgrace.

My country went in lockdown beginning of March, that is where it all started to go wrong I think. That plus a girl.
Was bored most of the time, so started drinking every day in the evening. Then was gaming online with some friends in the afternoon and thought "well a beer or shot might make it even more fun". In the beginning it was still 'ok', but I started drinking more and more. I can count the days where I didn't have a drink from half of March till today on one hand.

After the lockdown I had to go back to work, I do want to make clear I never went to work intoxicated, but 5 minutes after I got home, I had a drink in me. There was a period these were at least 2 shots of vodka/whiskey (after 1h30 I usually had like 5 shots in total).

The other part of the story is a particular girl I met at work. HB9. I'm a very shy guy, but I managed to text her and we were texting a lot, nearly every day and some great conversations, but at work I was just too shy to just talk to her. Those great conversations happened because I was usually slightly intoxicated, but it never got to the point where I was over the top. These were naturally flowing conversations, just like a normal person could have with a girl he's interested in and where she's interested too. I could because I felt like it (because of the alcohol). It never 'hurted' our friendship, on the contrary, it got better and better. I was amazed I could be like this and I could get this attention from a hb9, but it caused an alcohol dependency... When I woke up in the morning sober, I felt useless again: should I text her something? does she still like me? why didn't I receive a text from her yet?...

The last month and a half it really went downhill though. I still don't have to go to work that often. There were some days I started drinking before noon. There were days I just spent in bed drinking. One day about 4 weeks back it just was too much, was crazy drunk at 1pm and just started being annoying towards her (stuff like "text me, blow up my phone, I think something is going on between us,...). Ofcourse our conversations haven't been the same ever since. To be honest, she tried to reconnect, but I just can't anymore, I'm too ashamed. I still drink almost every day, it's less though, but it's still too much.

Before the lockdown I had a great looking physique, I went to the gym nearly every day and was paying attention to my food and alcohol intake. I've gotten to the point again where I go to the gym again, but I feel so fvcking miserable because of her. I've always been shy and had low self-esteem all my life, but I'm just a fraction of who I was right now and I don't know how to get out of this.

I've started seeing a psychologist, but to be honest, I don't know if it's gonna work. I do realize it's all in my mind and I've never been this low in my life before. But I don't know how to recover. And I'm afraid I'm becoming a guy who I never wanted to become.

You have to tackle the alcohol issue first. I've been there before and I don't think it can be done alone. The first thing you can do is join an online group. One Year No Beer are good - you get access to their Facebook group, and they send daily emails. Set targets. Aim for 30 days, then 90. In your situation though, I'd also recommend AA. Just go and listen, you don't have to speak. Once you've got a few weeks alcohol free, then look at tackling your other issues. It sounds like confidence is your main issue. I'd recommend Mastery by Robert Greene. The only was you're going to gain confidence is by pushing yourself out of your comfort zones. The only way to begin to do that is to first stop drinking.

 

[Serenity]

What makes it especially sh!tty when waking up sober is that you've tied the positive qualities you displayed while drinking to the substance. So you feel you need the substance to be the way you liked being, that's the lie alcohol tells you. In truth that's the way you actually are, the alcohol is just the excuse you need to stop inhibiting yourself.

So when you do get over your alcoholism, remember this. Alcohol doesn't change who you are, it just temporarily softens your inhibitions. You hit the sweet spot when a little tipsy, indicating you need to practice being a bit less inhibited while sober. As you get more drunk you lose more and more inhibitions, as you have seen there is such a thing as being too uninhibited, that's when you embarrass yourself.

Just a little bit less inhibited, a little more "fvck it" attitude and you'll get back to that place you want to be. Make it a point to do it without alcohol, just to be sure you anchor this confidence to yourself and not a substance.

As for the alcohol addiction itself I don't have the knowledge or experience to give advice on that, but the advice about that already given here seems good.

 

[TonyTenner]

So you feel you need the substance to be the way you liked being, that's the lie alcohol tells you. In truth that's the way you actually are, the alcohol is just the excuse you need to stop inhibiting yourself.

This is something I've felt, but never articulated. Nicely said.

 

[andreihaha]

In the end, it's all up to you.
You are stronger than you might think. It's all in your head.

 

[Toddz]

When COVID hit, I began drinking wine almost every night while cooking dinner. It was mainly out of boredom. I slowly began to put on some weight because of the wine and the fact that the gyms are closed. One morning, I looked in the mirror all hungover and realized I was getting a gut and my face was all bloated. I decided that was enough and haven't had a drop of alcohol in over 3 months. Alcohol is poison and brings nothing beneficial to your life. I've already lost 16 pounds this summer and feel great.

 

[Trez]

This is just a rant, I have no respect for myself, I don't expect any of you either, I've become an absolute disgrace.

My country went in lockdown beginning of March, that is where it all started to go wrong I think. That plus a girl.
Was bored most of the time, so started drinking every day in the evening. Then was gaming online with some friends in the afternoon and thought "well a beer or shot might make it even more fun". In the beginning it was still 'ok', but I started drinking more and more. I can count the days where I didn't have a drink from half of March till today on one hand.

After the lockdown I had to go back to work, I do want to make clear I never went to work intoxicated, but 5 minutes after I got home, I had a drink in me. There was a period these were at least 2 shots of vodka/whiskey (after 1h30 I usually had like 5 shots in total).

The other part of the story is a particular girl I met at work. HB9. I'm a very shy guy, but I managed to text her and we were texting a lot, nearly every day and some great conversations, but at work I was just too shy to just talk to her. Those great conversations happened because I was usually slightly intoxicated, but it never got to the point where I was over the top. These were naturally flowing conversations, just like a normal person could have with a girl he's interested in and where she's interested too. I could because I felt like it (because of the alcohol). It never 'hurted' our friendship, on the contrary, it got better and better. I was amazed I could be like this and I could get this attention from a hb9, but it caused an alcohol dependency... When I woke up in the morning sober, I felt useless again: should I text her something? does she still like me? why didn't I receive a text from her yet?...

The last month and a half it really went downhill though. I still don't have to go to work that often. There were some days I started drinking before noon. There were days I just spent in bed drinking. One day about 4 weeks back it just was too much, was crazy drunk at 1pm and just started being annoying towards her (stuff like "text me, blow up my phone, I think something is going on between us,...). Ofcourse our conversations haven't been the same ever since. To be honest, she tried to reconnect, but I just can't anymore, I'm too ashamed. I still drink almost every day, it's less though, but it's still too much.

Before the lockdown I had a great looking physique, I went to the gym nearly every day and was paying attention to my food and alcohol intake. I've gotten to the point again where I go to the gym again, but I feel so fvcking miserable because of her. I've always been shy and had low self-esteem all my life, but I'm just a fraction of who I was right now and I don't know how to get out of this.

I've started seeing a psychologist, but to be honest, I don't know if it's gonna work. I do realize it's all in my mind and I've never been this low in my life before. But I don't know how to recover. And I'm afraid I'm becoming a guy who I never wanted to become.

Go to an AA meeting

 

[Trez]

Also you're not rock bottom yet. It can get worse by a lot.

 

[zinc4]

OP try kratom. Its a very mild opiate that you can order online in powderd form and make into a tea. It has helped me reduce drinking greatly and is very chill just makes you feel content.

 

[HiTtc]

Thanks all for your replies and help.

I realize the main reason why I feel depressed and grab to alcohol, is because of this girl. I don't think I would haven't gotten such an alcoholic if I never would have met her. It was nice to get her attention, which I got because I was uninhibited due to the alcohol.

I also realize I just like her because she looks cute. Tbh she's fun, but I never got a real click with her. The thoughts that make me feel bad are mainly "damn I would have liked to fvck her", "damn I'm jealous of the guys who can get in her pants".

Unfortunately I still have to see her at work, so it's gonna be a painful process.

 

[Medina]

White mans burden. I'm the same

I'm even at the point where I choose drink over pvssy. I'm serious.

 

[Murk]

I've been there, pulled myself out of it thank God.

 

[Trez]

OP try kratom. Its a very mild opiate that you can order online in powderd form and make into a tea. It has helped me reduce drinking greatly and is very chill just makes you feel content.

Terrible advice. Kratom is an opioid and at first I started out doing 5-10 grams and it got me lit. I had two plates, one a 45 to japense woman picking me up in. A 60k Mercedes, the other plate picking me up in a vw bug. I went from being completely homeless in the winter time in Milwaukee Wisconsin, sleeping on the single person floor and the Hilton there. I played it off well until the security came banging on the door, the lead was a female saying "oh what were there no rooms available?" i just said yeah, played it off and left. The really though i had been homeless for a few months.

Numb and in pain, I reached out, and a church my family was a member of paid a lot of money, was the decons choice, the pastor only had power to initiate the conversation. This church, actually near Antioch Il, a place called chain of lakes Illinois, paid the few grand so the insurance kicked in, and paid $384 a month to keep it. Here I am some dude from bumb fvck Wisconsin, transplanted to south Florida.

I'm drunk now so I'm just gonna say it.

I get to Florida and this place is insane.


I've been a travelling salesman. I've been in tune marine corps. My brother is an infantry marine.my grandfather was an infantry marine who slaughtered japs.

Now i just have such a hard time staying sober. I drink less, stopped drinking completely went to delray beach to a halfway house. Resisted the hard drugs by force. Found kratom. Kratom was on for a while, until i do more and more till I'm feeling dope sick like when I was 19. I meet a few women, start using kratom and kratom extract, fall off the wagon, get paranoid, battle my own mind. It's insanity. I just don't know even what to do with myself sometimes.

Several women see the man in me and try to foster it an snatch me the fvck off the side of the ship where I'm unconscious, yet my body knew to grab the rope before I hit the water and hold on.

I drift and drift, going from place to place, having people see me and since I've been in Florida, I've had four different people offer me do sleep in their beds. My exgf, aka Cambodian hood rat., this other woman who was letting me drive her litteral African husbands jeep to work "i cucked a litteral African" this friend of mine found me panhandling bad on booze, saying "why are you on the street?" bro, fvck you.

Then after my ex I got this rich Colombian girl to buy me a plane ticket back to Milwaukee, my entire family wouldn't have nothing to do with me, such long story, found this guy on craigslist to give me work reffitting a barge, free rent, let me use the work that truck for whatever i needed every day, he was crazy too, even the welders told me " you might not make much now, but if you can deal with him, I'm a year, year and a half, you're going to be my boss, good luck" fvck. After 3 weeks i asked him to take me back to Milwaukee, already had two women lined to from before.

I was walking down the street in Milwaukee one night, this fvcking crack head asked of I wanted to try, i said ok, this black girl, possibly a young prostitute from a broken home said "you look like a model" had $700 in my pocket, said "hold on one moment please" b1tch was still sitting there when i came back from the alley.

All i of did was protect this white disabled man from the young black crack heads for a few months, he just got the money, couple times I had to stand between 3 of them and him, and I succeeded, but I was worried. These boys were healthy and strong, they could have easily killed me, but i bluffed Nd won.

Now I'm drunk right now, waiting for my boy to bring me some hard, which by that I mean crack. I live at a halfway or guess a 3/4 way house where I've pretty much failed every drug test and gamed my way out of it. Raul was looking a lot of time, he a itched, claiming "I want to be part of the solution and not the problem now". If I get breathalyzed tonight I'm homeless. I did kratom two days ago so if he asked me for

 

[Trez]

I just wrote a long a$$reply about how fvcked up my life is, how i can't stop smoking crack, I'm drunk, I live in a 3/4 house, if i get breathalyzed or pee tested tonight is over with into i van figure out something else.

OP don't do kratom or any drugs and stop fvcking drinking you bastard. This is not the way. Your should strive to be as pure and clean as you can at all times. Me however, I'm smoking crack tonight. It gets worse if you don't stop now.

To make it on streets you must have super game. To the point where it's about even getting laid. It's about survival.

I'm living in a place where I could get drug tested today, and I'm waiting on the dope boy right now. Stop drinking your bastard.