Marriage

[anakin]

Gynecology Enthusiast

Remember that BP is not considering to get married tomorrow...this discussion is required in order to provide objective thought in order for him to be sure that if he decides to get married, then he can be confident in his decision he makes.

And if that is the goal, for many personal reasons, and one day in the future he is sure that his decision is the correct one, and that fits with his plans, and is confident that marriage will work, then I applaud him for taking such a step.

I have discovered one must take their opportunities when they come. When you reach your late 30s, one may also look back and think that there was a particular girl that you could have settled down with but you did not want to...and then find that when you reach an older age, there is no one that makes you excited?

ANAKIN

 

[VeryBadGirl]

GE, yes, I do use anecdotes from my own life to back up my points. I would assume that this would be better than just making things up having no experience with them at all.

As far as statistics, I'm sorry, but I don't have time to do my own studies on how many marriages are happy or not. Nor do I have time to find other people's studies on the subject.

Clearly, you are bitter about marraige. I get it. But, that doesn't mean your life decision is right for everyone. Nor does it mean that all people MUST be unhappy and boring if they are married. As I said before, my married friends and friends in serious LTR's, party and have fun just as much as I do. (and I am in a serious relationship myself) And, when I look at my parents, I see the same thing - people having fun. So, for some, it clearly isn't the deathtrap you speak of for everyone. There is no doubt there are unhappy marriages out there, but there are many happy ones as well.

 

[GynecologyEnthusiast]

Anakin,

Sure, I know we've digressed quite a bit in this conversation. I'm simply taking the most right wing position related to marriage.

I think it's a terrible bet for a DJ. Why expose yourself to the emotional and financial downside of marriage for the sake of ONE WOMAN? Any DJ worth his salt can have many quality women.

I'm 32. Most of my friends are married. Who do you think envies whom?

And do you know why most of them got married? Because they caught oneitis over some girl that they thought was as good as they could get. The very definition of AFC.

Anyway, I thought we were here to talk about pulling chicks.

All this marriage talk is sucking the life out of the forum.

I wish Bungo the best in whatever he chooses. But I urge him to think long and hard before selling his soul.

GE

 

[Giovanni Casanova]

A few interesting research findings concerning marriage:

"life expectancy is more adversely affected by being unmarried than by being poor, overweight, or having heart disease." (University of Chicago)

"When compared to married men, divorced males are twice as likely to die prematurely from hypertension, four times as likely to die prematurely from throat cancer, twice as likely to die prematurely from cardiovascular disease, and seven times as likely to die prematurely from pneumonia." (National Institute for Health Research)

"[Numerous studies] have consistently found monogamous married couples to be the most sexually satisfied people in America." (University of Chicago report, Sex in America, 1994)

"A recent study showed that divorced and separated Canadian men commit suicide at three times the rate of married men, and that their rate of life-taking has risen four-and-a-half times as fast over a 30-year period." (University of Alberta)

"married men earn from 10 percent to 50 percent more than single men of comparable age, race, education, and skill level [after carefully controlling for possible discrimination and other factors]." (Princeton University)

"Unattached men are involved in more accidents of all sorts. They drink much more heavily. They are committed for psychiatric treatment far [more often]. Married men rank higher in well-being and happiness." (The American Enterprise)

"People who stay married live four years longer than people who don't." (University of Michigan)

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And Bungo... I'd say it's almost a foregone certainty that between the two of us, I'll be married before you, barring you going to a Justice of the Peace or something. That's all I have to say about that.

 

[GynecologyEnthusiast]

OK VBG,

Let's bury the hatchet on this one. Obviously we disagree (as usual ).

Anyway, Bungo's had the opportunity to read plenty of arguments from both ends of the spectrum and all points in between. He came looking for advice and he got it.

Good job by all involved in this debate.

Take care,

GE

 

[GynecologyEnthusiast]

Giovanni,

Do married men really live longer?

Or does it only seem longer?

GE

 

[VeryBadGirl]

Ah, so there are the stats! Thanks GC. Do you think you are going to be married before me too, GC? Congrats on that in any case.

And GE, some guys are here to "pull chicks" and some guys are here to "pull chicks until they find a great one who they can spend their life with." It only makes sense that marraige would enter the picture.

 

[GynecologyEnthusiast]

Originally posted by VeryBadGirl

And GE, some guys are here to "pull chicks" and some guys are here to "pull chicks until they find a great one who they can spend their life with." It only makes sense that marraige would enter the picture.

That is the stuff boring threads are made of.

 

[VeryBadGirl]

Maybe you need to find a new board then - singleforever.com?

 

[semag]

I remember reading that back in the days of arranged marriages, many of the couples grew to love each other. If you'd like an example, look at Fiddler on the Roof, or "The Good Earth" by Pearl Buck.

It's interesting to note that when two people marry, many times they can live through the hard times and create a stronger bond between each other by sharing those experiences. Perhaps society today is too spoiled and divorce has become the "norm." I know that in my hometown, about 90% of my very close friends came from 2 parent households, where neither parent had ever been divorced, and both parents had been married for over 15 years. In fact, at my church, there was a couple that celebrated their 75th wedding anniversary.

I look at my parents and see two people who are the best possible friends. Rather than having to go out and "party" or socialize, my dad and mom enjoy hanging out with each other so much that it keeps their lives content. Maybe it depends on the person, but I think it may be a little far to say:

Marriage is a tremendous swindle. Men don't have to participate anymore.

 

[VeryBadGirl]

Originally posted by semag

I look at my parents and see two people who are the best possible friends. Rather than having to go out and "party" or socialize, my dad and mom enjoy hanging out with each other so much that it keeps their lives content.

My parents are quite the same - although they enjoy a balance of both alone time and partying time. They have great friends they love to spend time with - but they are also perfectly happy being alone together. My relationship is very similar in that way, although probably more on the "hang with friends" side because we are younger and don't have children yet. But, I think that a balance is good.

 

[Giovanni Casanova]

Originally posted by VeryBadGirl
Ah, so there are the stats! Thanks GC. Do you think you are going to be married before me too, GC? Congrats on that in any case.

That depends... when are you going to be married?

 

[Bungo Pony]

Anyway, here's an update. Me and my gf have a good convo last night. One thing that I was able to establish is that we are both sitting at the same point in the relationship. She's told me that she's been ready to settle down for a year, but hasn't found anyone worth settling down with. We are both looking at each other as potential marriage mates. I also brought up the point that we have much more to experience together before such a decision. She agreed and brought up the trip that we're planning. After the conversation, she said "I'm all yours". We also shook on a deal that neither one of us turns out like our exes LOL! I must say I'm happy I got a woman with a sense of humor. I feel like a burden has been lifted off my shoulders by bringing this issue more into the open between us.

And Bungo... I'd say it's almost a foregone certainty that between the two of us, I'll be married before you, barring you going to a Justice of the Peace or something. That's all I have to say about that.

I kinda figured that GC, you've been in a LTR longer than I have. I'm not going to a JOP anytime soon.

 

[VeryBadGirl]

Good to know it worked out BP.

GC, my BF's favorite season is fall, so we have always talked about a fall wedding. But, since it takes awhile to plan a wedding - especially when two semi-crazy Moms are involved (!) - I'm thinking probably fall of 2004. So, you will most likely already be hitched by then. Congrats!

 

[sux2bu]

haha

That's it. I'm never getting married..


http://www.coreyturner.com/marriage.asp




If you are marrying her for regular sex, then you are truly delusional. Sex is everywhere, regular or not. You just aren't trying hard enough or looking in the wrong places.

This is totally AFC..

 

[sux2bu]

Haha. So true.

http://home.t-online.de/home/520096932703-0001/images/fun/Chance.jpg

 

[sux2bu]

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[Slickster]

About marriage

A couple of questions to answer honestly.

1. If you had to give up sex with this woman forever, would you
still want to be with her?

2. The next 10 HoT chicks that come into your life, will you be able
to withstand your desire for them and focus solely on your
wife?

3. Is the sex with your woman Good and Plentiful?

4. Does she have the same views about money as you?

5. Do you think you will be able to tolerate her mood changes
(PMS) the rest of your life?

If you are answering No to any of these questions I think you should wait until you can definately answer Yes.

 

[Panzergrenadier]

It seems both sides of the aisle are well represented in this thread. Since i got engaged last August I'll throw in my opinions.

A lot goes into the decision to get married. I would say that the biggest thing is where you feel you are in life, and your own personal values.

I saw several of the naysayers post that 25 is too young to be even thinking of marriage, since you can still be going out and meeting new girls. That is a fine opinion, and to some people that is the right path for them. The "proper" age can often be determined by where you live. People from larger cities tend to wait longer. The thing is though that it is you who makes the decision, so you shouldnt be basing it on what others say. Making the commitment to marriage requires the ultimate in getting to know yourself and what you want in life.

The naysayers may have a fit to know that i am 22 and will be 23 when i get married. I am ready to move on though into that stage of my life though. To be honest my personality is an introverted personality. My whole life i have never had a huge group of friends that i am only sporatically in contact with, but a very close core group. I went through my period when i was younger and trying to figure out who i was, and tryed to be someone I'm not. I realized though that i wasnt happy while trying to do that. I went out to bars and clubs with my friends, just to do what was "cool", when i dont drink, i dont smoke, am quite religious, i don't like loud music, and i don't really enjoy dancing. Parting of growing in confidence is growing happy with who you are.

Well by getting married at this age, when I feel ready, isnt a problem. I haven't had to "give up" anything. I still have all my friends, i still do my hobbies, i have not changed my political views or religious ideas. I still have my own character and identity. Maybe i am committing a cardinal sin of this board, but I feel ready to move past the stage of random girls and hookups. My goal was a long term relationship, and i have improved myself from a self-defeating AFC when i came here and acheived my goal. The amazing thing was that i came here hoping to find a quick "whats the secret line i have to use?" and left with a complete new self image, confident in my decisions, which turned out to be the real path to success. I'm not in a rush to move my life on in the relationship arena out of college while reataining the college lifestyle. I have one semester left and to be honest I'm ready to begin my career. So my relationship with my fiancee has progressed at the same rate as my life and I feel I am ready, rather than an arbitrary number that says "27 is the proper age."

I am amazingly similair to my fiancee in many ways, which i think has contributed to our successful relationship. In the ways that are most important for long term stability. Both of us liking soccer would be great for a first few dates, but I am very conservative politically and morally, and if she intended on raising our children that abortion is wonderful, the word God should never be uttered in a school, and hated Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity and Michael Savage, there is no way she would be right for me. Well we do both agree on these issues such as how we will raise our children, on how we see the role of God in our lives, how many children we want, career goals, and other items that are very important in the future. We both come from similiar backgrounds, share a similiar view on the value of money (she is not a wild spender and neither am I). We are both attracted to each other sexually. Looks get you the interview, but if you are not compatible in the above areas it won't work out. I've turned down girls i felt were too liberal even though they were hot because that would have been a conflict waiting to happen the second i made a passioned comment while watching the news. It may sound silly to say, but i honestly believe God intended her for me.

The long and short of it is, I'm ready for the commitment of marriage, I am positive i have found the right girl for me and she fits every prereq i had, and I'm excited about the prospect of rasing a family with her. We put our trust in Jesus to take care of our relationship and give us strength in the rough times. That's what i want in life right now. And if that is what you want in life, and you have the right partner for it, then you will not be losing anything and i wish you the best.

 

[Bungo Pony]

Slickster- those are excellent questions that one should ask himself about his current relationship. I must comment about the PMS - I lived with a Bi-polar woman. I have an incredible amount of patience with people, which makes me able to tolerate mood swings from anyone. I've experienced it many times, and I know how to deal with it. I've also dealt with it from my current gf, and I do it very well. I must say that I can answer yes to all the questions given.

Remember, I'm still NOT getting married until at least a year has passed.

Panzergrenadier - You've provided some excellent input on this thread, and I wish you all the best with your future wife. Good job on keeping up the DJ mindset! I know I will be just as successful.