Jayer's 100 Approach Journal (Will Finish 100 approaches no matter what)

[DonGorgon]

I have a feeling the girl was pressing ignore on the phone.... but whatever...

Yes she is ignoring you ! Letting you know how she feels about you.. NEXT!

 

[Reyaj]

Yes she is ignoring you ! Letting you know how she feels about you.. NEXT!

Yeah seriously..... I am so frustrated right now I want to tell off every girl in my phone book. My myspace/facebook game is getting me nothing but teased, on top of that a girl i actually did bang a few times gave me ASD yesterday and I had to spank it twice.... I am tired and frustrated today.. I'm supposed to have a possible date today with a friend of a friend but I'm sure she'll flake too......

The train girl who I "did not" tell off never called or anything...... I honestly feel better letting these girls know their games aren't appreciated...... I am pissed off right now

 

[The Nice Guy is Gone]

Dude, calm down. You have made an immense amount of progress. Don't tell anyone off, that burns bridges. Besides that, just look at it as they are losing you, not the other way around--because that's the truth anyway.

And don't presume girls to be flakes--as much as they are all the same, they are all also different from one another.

Just chill out, and have fun--that's the idea.

 

[Reyaj]

I know.... its just been a rocky road at times.... I guess I should look at the positive and not the negative... Still the thing that gets me the most is being teased with the potentials..... but by realizing that I shouldn't get my hopes up I lose my zeal for it at as well

a catch 22

 

[Reyaj]

So I called her yesterday left a voice mail saying hey I tried calling you not sure if your phone is messed up or you are just ignorning the call (lol) but I figured I'd try this last time. Take care

Nothing........

The girl i was supposed to have a date with (not related to this approach journal) flaked..... So yes I ended up texting a bunch of crap to a lot of these plates that fell off

I texted a few plates in which I didn't end it badly with and most of them replied with "who's this?"

Just goes to show that by moving on when a girl flakes they pretty much forget about you and there's a real slight chance you'll ever get another shot...

 

[DonGorgon]

Just goes to show that by moving on when a girl flakes they pretty much forget about you and there's a real slight chance you'll ever get another shot...

Yes cause any woman who is at least a 5 in looks has an unlimited supply of desperate men chasin her every day... All she has to do is sit back and say yes or no to their attempts... That is partly why it is soo hard to keep a woman's undivided attention...

The only time woman focus on you more if if they think you are in the top 10% of rich/good looking men that they seldom get hit on by!

 

[Reyaj]

Yes cause any woman who is at least a 5 in looks has an unlimited supply of desperate men chasin her every day... All she has to do is sit back and say yes or no to their attempts... That is partly why it is soo hard to keep a woman's undivided attention...

The only time woman focus on you more if if they think you are in the top 10% of rich/good looking men that they seldom get hit on by!

Now this is what I find to be true....

Sometimes it seems all these tactics on here is a bunch of bs

 

[DonGorgon]

Now this is what I find to be true....

Sometimes it seems all these tactics on here is a bunch of bs

They are not BS they are ways to maximize your chances if and when you do get lucky enough to get positive attention from a woman......

Its very hard out there for males these days hence why there are soo many more homosexuals and transvestites.. i.e. Broken beaten men finding comfort in each other away from the challenge for dealing with women...

 

[izza]

Jayer, I just discovered a really neat exercise in the past couple of weeks. It only takes a few minutes and you can do it alone. I describe it here:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?p=1451174#post1451174

Judging by your progress, this is something I think you would be ready for. This exercise will help you get a wider perspective on what's going, and connect the lessons of many experiences very quickly. I hope you do try this at least a few times if you don't like it. Let me know if this helps. It should only take a few minutes, and as I said, can be done alone and as many times as you need.

Best wishes,
Izza

 

[chinwaggler]

Hang on you told HER to call YOU... and then YOU called HER... the day after... 3 times?... and then again the day after... and then left a message?!

 

[Technical1]

Jayer,

Your story reminds me alot of my own 50 approaches which I've just done. At a nightclub of course you can tack on another 10 to 15, so I've done about 52 daygame + 30 nightgame, plus about 120 directions openers just to get used to talking to strangers. I never f-closed or number closed those girls, but I got 8-10 of them to the point where I could have probably number closed them (i.e. real interest and rapport). I turned down an ONS another time from a girl at a bar. These 8 girls I call my "bloody fingers", I dont know why, just because, looking back, they really seemed to like me, but I didnt number close because I was dedicated to working on the art of approaching, and sometimes I was scared. In hindsight I really regret it, especially as some of them were baking hot, but exactly in those cases I was too scared.

I'll just tell you what conclusions I reached.

My conclusion is that, there is no way to overcome a lack of real rapport, and a woman's interest is visible within 2 minutes max. I even think that a woman's interest is visible within 30 seconds. Thats just my opinion but another guy who does LOTS of cold approaches (with success) said the same thing(grinder). Either they "see" something in you or not, IMO.

The game (as I know it) is so massively hit or miss, that it can be depressing unless you fine-tune your mindset to avoid emotional highs and lows. I'm doing some other stuff right now, but when I jump back in, I'm going to do more screening from initial vibe to see if I really genuinely think the chick is somewhat compatible with me.

My wisdom (and I have received copious advice from other experienced guys now) is to always go by felt rapport, i.e. you know, in your stomach, if its working or not. If it clicks or not. Senior Fingers told me
to look for a "connection", and he's really right, because if you aren't feeling
that then neither is she, in all likelihood.

Yeah, apparently you need to hit up about 15-20 girls for a date or lay. Thats day game. I can understand why night game might be more of a flake factory.

Your high number-closing ratio and high flaking ratio confirms what another guy (SexPDX/TrickyNick) said, which is this: build enough rapport to get her to ask for your number. Because if you dont, she wont want to hear from you anyway. Maybe thats unrealistic (it basically means never close, let her close you), but the kernel of truth it contains is real enough.

In a nutshell: accept the fact that maybe only 2 or 5 out of 100 women you meet will be *really* into you, stop wasting time on those who aren't from the get-go, and keep ploughing through until you find that lucky gal. If you do 2 approaches a day you'll meet her in two months. In reality you'll get more dates than this, probably way more, but you know what I mean, I'm theorizing about how much work it takes to get a dedicated, high-quality plate.

Talk to 100 women and close off felt-rapport, eject if she doesnt hold up her end of the convo by asking you questions (this is a great way to screen for interest... just let the convo lag, just drop your end of the convo).

Thats what the field has taught me... maybe it will help you somehow.
I still dont understand this game at all really so if I gave you that impression, its wrong. But these are some ways to not waste time.

Tech

 

[Reyaj]

izza thanks for posting that excercise. I actually tried it but did it wrong lol.. but then upon reading it it seems to be helpful for those with writer's block.... or in the way you wanted to relate it, approach anxiety.... I dont think I have approach anxiety that bad where an excercise like this would be necessary..... maybe just my outlook on it and expecting too much.....

real2

I've never really tried to go for the ons..... it seems difficult in a social venue..... I mean what would I say.... hey want to go to my car??? but I think you may be onto something where as I may need to start giving them something to remember..... and if I can be physical about it then maybe its worth trying..... I've actually gotten laid lately with a similar mentality of just going for it.... but it wasn't via this approach journal... it was a friend I met through a friend

Jayer,

Your story reminds me alot of my own 50 approaches which I've just done. At a nightclub of course you can tack on another 10 to 15, so I've done about 52 daygame + 30 nightgame, plus about 120 directions openers just to get used to talking to strangers. I never f-closed or number closed those girls, but I got 8-10 of them to the point where I could have probably number closed them (i.e. real interest and rapport). I turned down an ONS another time from a girl at a bar. These 8 girls I call my "bloody fingers", I dont know why, just because, looking back, they really seemed to like me, but I didnt number close because I was dedicated to working on the art of approaching, and sometimes I was scared. In hindsight I really regret it, especially as some of them were baking hot, but exactly in those cases I was too scared.

I'll just tell you what conclusions I reached.

My conclusion is that, there is no way to overcome a lack of real rapport, and a woman's interest is visible within 2 minutes max. I even think that a woman's interest is visible within 30 seconds. Thats just my opinion but another guy who does LOTS of cold approaches (with success) said the same thing(grinder). Either they "see" something in you or not, IMO.

The game (as I know it) is so massively hit or miss, that it can be depressing unless you fine-tune your mindset to avoid emotional highs and lows. I'm doing some other stuff right now, but when I jump back in, I'm going to do more screening from initial vibe to see if I really genuinely think the chick is somewhat compatible with me.

My wisdom (and I have received copious advice from other experienced guys now) is to always go by felt rapport, i.e. you know, in your stomach, if its working or not. If it clicks or not. Senior Fingers told me
to look for a "connection", and he's really right, because if you aren't feeling
that then neither is she, in all likelihood.

Yeah, apparently you need to hit up about 15-20 girls for a date or lay. Thats day game. I can understand why night game might be more of a flake factory.

Your high number-closing ratio and high flaking ratio confirms what another guy (SexPDX/TrickyNick) said, which is this: build enough rapport to get her to ask for your number. Because if you dont, she wont want to hear from you anyway. Maybe thats unrealistic (it basically means never close, let her close you), but the kernel of truth it contains is real enough.

In a nutshell: accept the fact that maybe only 2 or 5 out of 100 women you meet will be *really* into you, stop wasting time on those who aren't from the get-go, and keep ploughing through until you find that lucky gal. If you do 2 approaches a day you'll meet her in two months. In reality you'll get more dates than this, probably way more, but you know what I mean, I'm theorizing about how much work it takes to get a dedicated, high-quality plate.

Talk to 100 women and close off felt-rapport, eject if she doesnt hold up her end of the convo by asking you questions (this is a great way to screen for interest... just let the convo lag, just drop your end of the convo).

Thats what the field has taught me... maybe it will help you somehow.
I still dont understand this game at all really so if I gave you that impression, its wrong. But these are some ways to not waste time.

Tech

Tech absolutely everything you just stated there is what I found to be true. See I was looking at this approach journal/journey a certain way and now I think through my trials and tribulations I'm going to look at it and dating/women just in the manner you suggest....

See the way I've been looking at this thus far is that I should be able to seduce any woman that gives me IOI's ie: gives me their number, meets up with me, kisses me....... when it doesn't pan out I get hard on myself and my mechanics or just flat out get mad at the women and harbor animosity towards her and the entire gender

I would just approach any girl and if they gave me the time of day I'd engage them in conversation and try the # close whenever there was even a remote chance I thought they might give it.....

However I think I'm starting to really see that the Cassanova idea of seducing mass women isn't feasible nor probably without an exensive amount of effort and a virtual immunity to emotional pain/disappointment.

What it really comes down to is finding that a special girl that compliments your life quintessentially. Therefore I really should allow myself to feel hope/glee when I do get escalation from a girl that I do feel that "connection" with and not those of frivolity.

I do intend to complete these approaches and I think I'm going to have to add in some day game as I approach the last stanza. I'll treat the frivolous approaches as mechanics learning without investing too many emotions....

 

[izza]

izza thanks for posting that excercise. I actually tried it but did it wrong lol.. but then upon reading it it seems to be helpful for those with writer's block.... or in the way you wanted to relate it, approach anxiety.... I dont think I have approach anxiety that bad where an excercise like this would be necessary..... maybe just my outlook on it and expecting too much.....

Hey Jayer,

Thanks for giving it a whirl. I think you got the wrong impression from me posting that link. That's my fault. I wanted to bring the tool of clustering (or Rico Mapping in psychometrics) to your attention, not because I think you have approach anxiety, but because I think it's a useful tool for lady problems. I have found it an immensely useful way to solve hangups.

You are obviously doing great in the approach anxiety department. I really laud you for that. I agree with you: you'd be wasting your time clustering approach anxiety. I think you should use this exercise on a subject that is more relevant to your concerns and path.

Can you think of a problem or behavior you really want to solve or improve, or a stage you just can't get past? I would encourage you to try clustering that (at least a few times if you truly feel it's useless the first time). But you make a good point, doing it on AA would not be relevant for you. You're really doing great in that department.

Izza

PS Although this is a creative writing exercise, I'm suggesting its use in this context to better understand our behavior and motivations, and to find solutions.

Izza

 

[Reyaj]

Izza I definitely have some issues so I'll give it a shot. Thanks

 

[Reyaj]

Hang on you told HER to call YOU... and then YOU called HER... the day after... 3 times?... and then again the day after... and then left a message?!

unbelievable.. she called me late last night and we have a double date tenative for tomorrow....

so unpredictable are women

 

[Igetit!]

Good luck man.

 

[izza]

unbelievable.. she called me late last night and we have a double date tenative for tomorrow....

so unpredictable are women

Nice!

 

[The Nice Guy is Gone]

Good luck.

 

[Reyaj]

Well I appreciate all the good lucks you all sent me.... but the girl flaked!!!!

I called her yesterday around 4pm to confirm our plans and she answered and said she'd text me the address to pick her and her friend up. I told her we'd be there around 8:30.... Well the text never came... so around 8 o clock I called her and got her voice mail... I left a message saying to call me back we were on the way...... absolutely nothing....


Now get this... my friend who had her friends number called and her friend answered!!! I think her friend had erased my friend's number which is why and was surprised it was him. Then the girl I was talking to got on the phone and said they were out of the area but would call me when they were back to hang out.... Well yeah you guessed it that call never came!

I texted her around midnight saying "I guess girls from your country don't have manners"

That was that....


But look at how f'd up this is...

The girl calls me a week later out of nowhere... we make plans for Thursday... she answers the phone Thursday but flakes at the last minute....


Another classic! lol!

 

[Igetit!]

What's up Jayer,
Man,this is starting to get ridiculous. I get frustrataed just reading about all these flakes,so I can just imagine how you feel. But it's just like you said,women are unpredictable. In fact, with all the craziness you've encountered during your journey, I wouldn't be surprised if this girl were to call you again to set up another date or something. Who knows. Hey man, I got a question for you. Like I said before,I only been a member here for a little under a month, but I've read every one of your posts in this approach journal from jun 2005 till now, so I almost feel like I been through all the highs and lows with you. I know that you only have like another 16 or 17 approaches to go in order to reach your goal. What I want to know is what happens when you reach 100 approaches? This thread has been here for over 3 years,so I'd hate to see it come to an end. Will you somehow continue it or let it fade away? Will there be a Jayer's 100 Approach Journal "Part II"? Another thing is when you do finally reach 100 approaches, do you plan on giving all of us a summary of everything you've learned? I believe it would be a great benefit to everybody here.