I've thought she was cheating...she claims rape.

[Fixmylife]

Sorry guys, this is some pretty serious stuff...I've been with my girl for a year and a half now, and I started getting suspicious...I was sick for a few weeks, and we weren't having sex. She texts people and doesn't let me know ("planning my birthday party") She has been staying late at work, and hanging out with people afterward. I ask her to let me pick her up, and she won't let me, insisting that she can get a ride. She doesn't want me to come to her work. And heres the kicker. She told me she was hanging out with two dudes, and then she was dropped off by a completely different guy, who apparently punched a guy for her. We practically live together, I was getting ready to move in officially. On last saturday night, she didn't return any of my calls, or texts, and then told me she had been raped earlier that night.

I really want to be there for her, but I have heard of women crying rape when they regretted what they had done. I am a complete mess and have just been accusing her of crap and she gets so offended about everything I say. Its been going on since before the rape and the was going on afterward. I am so messed up.... I want to be with her, but she claims she needs space. She says she is going to see her cousin, who I haven't met, who apparently took care of everything for her... She just won't let me know whats going on...

What can I do? Even some calming words would really help right now, I'm dying.

I don't mean to offend anybody, rape is a serious matter and I'm not taking it lightly. I believe she put her self in a position and was taken advantage of by someone she knew.

Also, being a moron and an *******...I looked at her phone. She deleted all of the texts from that guy. I admitted to her and confronted her and she is saying that I don't love her and **** like that. I need some advice...please...

 

[Fred_Scuttle]

Why were you allowing her to be with other men? I would of got rid of her right then when she was cheating. Are you for real?

 

[FortunateSon]

A vast majority of women lie about rape, I wouldn't buy it if I was you.

 

[Kirro]

I apologize in advance for what I'm about to type OP but you're AN IDIOT!!! You've been with her for a year & a half yeah? You practically live with each other you say? She's in her comfort stage, she's secured a sucker now she feels the need to do what she wants now. Like a little kid who pretends to be good to lull their guardians into a false sense of security so they can begin to act as they please. You're a sucker, all that behaviour she exhibited are all signs of girls who are cheating or looking to cheat. How do I know? I'm constantly on the other end of these situations.

The chick is chilling with her friends looking for the side guy or with the side guy & his friends. The rape card is a nice big decoy to kill your logical thinking & get you on her side. The seriousness of it will blind you to facts & put you in a sappy emotional state that will give her sympathy & you took the bait, licked it & swallowed it without so much as a chew.

You're with a cheating slut who is using a cloak of good ole dramatic BS to keep you where she wants you. You my friend are the bottom b!tch, you are the foundation of her attention & validation & as long as she has you like the nice poppet sitting beneath her, she can lie & run off to debauchery.

I want you to stop wanting to console her & "be there for her", I want you to stop wanting to help da wittle damsel & I want you to get MAD, ANGRY, FURIOUS, summon up some good ole manergy & dump this cancerous female. You are the typical male, you get some azz & fall in love because you're addicted to the azz cuz you barely get azz then the owner of azz takes you for a merry go round.

DUMP HER..kick her to the curb, eject her, discard her, drop her, leave her...how many other ways can I say it?

 

[Fixmylife]

Wow guys...Harse words...maybe thats what I need to hear...I wasn't allowing her to "be" with other men, they were friends (two married, one single) from work and I wanted to give her space. She has been having me spend alot of money on her that past week.

She has been doing a lot of things to make herself look different and more attractive. I'm just so worried she will do something bad to herself if I leave. What if she did get raped? She has some marks, and she won't show me her vagina. She really doesn't have the marks I would expect from one of my woman if someone was trying to take advantage of them...

I totally get what you guys are saying...Other opinions would be great.

 

[FortunateSon]

Are you going to dump her?

 

[Fixmylife]

I called her, and I really let her have it. I told her we were going to take a break, but she completely complied with everything I said. She called me a jerk, but I am going to see her tonight. I told her I am picking her up from work and we are going to go home and be ok. And guys, I do have other options, and I will dump her if I have to.

I'm just extremely attached, and I've been a ***** these last couple weeks. Thats not going to happen anymore.

Thanks for making me be a man. If something actually happened I will find out about it and if she lied about rape, thats definately the end. She has put me through hell. I feel so much better...

 

[FortunateSon]

Why waste time? You should have just sent her text message. "You're dumped b*tch". End of. You could then delete her number, facebook etc and start to move on.

 

[Fred_Scuttle]

Wow guys...Harse words...maybe thats what I need to hear...I wasn't allowing her to "be" with other men, they were friends (two married, one single) from work and I wanted to give her space. She has been having me spend alot of money on her that past week.

She has been doing a lot of things to make herself look different and more attractive. I'm just so worried she will do something bad to herself if I leave. What if she did get raped? She has some marks, and she won't show me her vagina. She really doesn't have the marks I would expect from one of my woman if someone was trying to take advantage of them...

I totally get what you guys are saying...Other opinions would be great.

You were too. You allowed her to hang out with them. Then she slept with them. You allowed that. You put up with it. That is allowing it it my book. You weren't being a man. Why did you spend a lot of money on her when she was sleeping around? So you feel all better now from just our words. A total recovery from a few minutes ago. Looks like you got over her rather quick. It doesn't usually work that way.

 

[bigneil]

I really let her have it. I told her we were going to take a break. I am going to see her tonight. I do have other options. I will dump her. I'm just extremely attached. Thanks for making me be a man.

You sound like a woman. Blow her off tonight! Go NC now!

 

[Tiguere]

complete pvssy!

 

[Warrior74]

First sorry to hear about your troubles. Second. Rape is serious. Third. If she's not going to press charges or let you know who the guy is, I find it hard to buy her story on rape. I've heard that one before. Fourth. She wants a break? Give her a break. Go spend some time doing your own thing and meeting new women. Fifth. Don't get a emotional in your real life. Be a rock. Never let em see you sweat, stiff upper lip. Sixth. Good luck, you'll need it.

 

[Deadly_Ripped]

Honestly, it's tough to judge this woman from here, but if she didn't already involve the cops then I'd assume she was playing me.

Plus, if my girlfriend ever got raped, I'd expect to be the second or third party she contacted (the first and possibly second being the police and her family). It's odd that she isn't telling you what the situation is. Nothing you've said indicates that she's planning a future with you and is interested in sharing her life with you.

 

[mahoney]

a close friend of mine was raped 3 years ago and her bf couldn't handle it and dumped her. it was a tough time all round really. the dude who did it got off in court. bf took that as "proof" it never happened. in the end it was better that he finished it because my friend needed support from him that he wasn't able to give

the dude was in court for another rape last year and this time he was found guilty and got sent down. if my friend had been believed he'd have been sent down earlier and the girl last year wouldnt never have had to have that happen to her

my friends bf apologized after the more recent rape case, but its kinda too late really

 

[Atom Smasher]

Sounds like she has been acting suspiciously from day 1.

A woman who is hanging out with other men and seeing male "friends" is DATING. That's right... she is dating other men, with your blessing.

You can do much better than her. Eject now and lay down strong parameters in the next relationship. In my relationships, she doesn't hang out with other men for any reason whatsoever. Women are emotionally weak and can get carried away in the moment, all within the blink of an eye. A woman will either take offense at the "no other men" rule or she will agree and appreciate your protection. It will be one way or the other, no middle-ground.

A woman who resents the parameters you set is NOT relationship material. You are the King. It is YOU who sets the boundaries. Her violation of those boundaries must be met with absolutely severe punishment, which in most cases consists of removal of your attention.

It's interesting how I always tell the women I'm seeing, "Only one person wears the pants around here, and that's me. Take it or leave it." And every time I do, you can practically see those little hearts rising up out of her like in a cartoon. I just gave that speech a couple days ago, to which she replied, "Atom, it's so attractive that you want to take charge of the relationship." That's my way of filtering out the riff-raff.

OP, man-up and set the parameters. That's your job and your role. She's strangling you inside with her behavior. She's eroding you. Am I right? Don't you feel your spirit being eroded and diminished? It might be hard to eject with finality, but do it and that which has been eroded will start to build back up again.

Edit: Furthermore, her decision to not prosecute the alleged "rapist" is an insult to you of the highest order.

 

[mahoney]

no situation are the same but I will say - as far as my friend goes - she very nearly didn't pursue a prosecution case, and nearly dropped the case a number of times - partly because of the scepticism of others and also the police

Although she hasn't flat out said this I dont' know if she would prosecute if he could have her time again (tho not guilty verdict was such a kick in the teeth -but his eventual conviction for another rape complicated feelings about it again so its difficult to say)

I'm not saying there aren't people out there who don't "cry rape" but if someone you know says they were raped, and you not only don't support them, but don't even believe them - then something somewhere along the line is very wrong.

either way your relationship is pretty much done. either she's making it up to cover her tracks and you don't trust her. or it really happened and your first thoughts are about yourself, and basically you don't believe her.

Whichever its is, the fact of the matter is this: Someone you've known really well for 18 months has alleged rape. If any girl I know well told me they had been raped or attacked I would believe them 100%, i trust the people i know - its why i know them

 

[user43770]

Let me just say, you can't always believe a woman when she cries rape, but you can't always ignore it, either. This site likes to pretend that women are always the culprits. Guess what, they aren't; there are plenty of sh1tty dudes out there, as well. Get your facts straight before you abandon somebody you care about.

 

[user43770]

Edit - I shouldn't have attacked anyone.

 

[seagull]

And fvck all of you who threw this chick under the bus without knowing exactly what happened. I'm glad I don't have anything invested in you *******s. Again, fvck y'all.

You don't have anything invested? Then why are you so upset by a few posts by some complete strangers?

 

[user43770]

Let me clarify my previous statements. As men, we claim that our only advantage is that we are reasonable. We look at situations and take them for what they are. We don't make judgements based on emotion. Well, I'm calling bullsh1t. You all were quick to decide what this guy should do, even though you don't know the facts of the matter. It isn't always black and white, as much as you would like it to be. Life is much more complicated than that. I know that we - as a community - like to simplify things, but by doing that we're guilty of the same thing that females do. Use your mind, fellas. Let's pretend like we're reasonable.