I've thought she was cheating...she claims rape.

[user43770]

You don't have anything invested? Then why are you so upset by a few posts by some complete strangers?

Because these strangers are giving terrible advice. You can sit by and watch if you'd like, but I feel like I should state my piece.

 

[AlexDP]

no situation are the same but I will say - as far as my friend goes - she very nearly didn't pursue a prosecution case, and nearly dropped the case a number of times - partly because of the scepticism of others and also the police

Although she hasn't flat out said this I dont' know if she would prosecute if he could have her time again (tho not guilty verdict was such a kick in the teeth -but his eventual conviction for another rape complicated feelings about it again so its difficult to say)

I'm not saying there aren't people out there who don't "cry rape" but if someone you know says they were raped, and you not only don't support them, but don't even believe them - then something somewhere along the line is very wrong.

either way your relationship is pretty much done. either she's making it up to cover her tracks and you don't trust her. or it really happened and your first thoughts are about yourself, and basically you don't believe her.

Whichever its is, the fact of the matter is this: Someone you've known really well for 18 months has alleged rape. If any girl I know well told me they had been raped or attacked I would believe them 100%, i trust the people i know - its why i know them

Exactly. If you've known a girl for 18 months, you should know whether or not she's making it up. The way the OP is making it sound, she is making it up, because he doesn't believe her 100%.

Deep down you know if she's an attention *****, if she could bang other men and lie about it. You know, because you know her. There's no need to ask questions. If you don't believe her, you tell her you find it hard to trust her and you say you can't be with her anymore. In case she makes a big drama out of it, you say that too much has happened before this entire ordeal and that it makes it hard to trust her and that she, during these stressful times, needs to be with people who do trust her.

 

[Ace_Magnamus]

Let me clarify my previous statements. As men, we claim that our only advantage is that we are reasonable. We look at situations and take them for what they are. We don't make judgements based on emotion. Well, I'm calling bullsh1t. You all were quick to decide what this guy should do, even though you don't know the facts of the matter. It isn't always black and white, as much as you would like it to be. Life is much more complicated than that. I know that we - as a community - like to simplify things, but by doing that we're guilty of the same thing that females do. Use your mind, fellas. Let's pretend like we're reasonable.

settle down bro dont get your panties in a wad.

you dont know the facts either

were only going on the short thread he wrote.

it could of happened then again it might not

the point is he didnt have control of the relationship. she was screwing around on him behind his back. he wimped out.

she was being sneaky

who knows if it occured or not

look how she treated him after. wanted nothing to do with him when he tried to help. seems to me she got caught and was looking for a way out.

if it happened it would of been reported and she would need his comfort not dumping him and wanting space

we dont know, you dont know, the OP doesnt know

so thats why this thread is useless nobody knows for sure

so calm down man

 

[Fixmylife]

Thank you Mahoney and tyte eyez...I really needed the other point of view. I absolutely love her, but she has lied to me before. She claims she went to the police, and that her cousin took care of it. She says she won't let me meet her cousin because she doesn't want me involved, she doesn't want me to know little details, and for the record she called me second. She doesnt want me to track the bastard who did this down and beat him to death. Becuase i wanted to and I still want to. It all feels so weird, but not being for someone when it did happen, is so much worse then being with someone who is lying to you. I'd prefer the cheating I really would. Call me a *****, but having someone you love hurt you, is much preferable to them being hurt like that. And someone brought up the point that I wasn't forcing her to be with me all the time. Well, she will never hang out with people I don't know without me again. I told her I'm going to be here for her, but if she lied to me at all, I will find out...I always do. Call me a woman, I just needed to share with someone, anonymously.

As always, thanks for being there sosuave...haha...

 

[FortunateSon]

I don't buy this whole rape thing, it stinks to high heavens.

 

[Fixmylife]

Also, Ace, she didn't immediately want me to leave. She still won't let me leave when I ask her if I should. She wants me to be around and protect her. She just wanted me to leave when I asked if she had been cheating. She claims she is a little afraid of me, purely on the basis of me being a man. Butwe have done several sexual things, other than sex, since it happened. So she still likes sex, but she won't have real sex with me until it has healed. I work at 1:30 am and she should realize it's absolutely ridiculous for her to come home anytime close to that, or afterward. It was something like 2 days that she stayed after work, before it happened, and she came right before I left to see me. Not proof she was cheating. And none of you can realistically say what you would do...without having it happen. And I hope it never happens to any of you guys. If she did lie about anything, I will find out, but I'm in a highly emotional state (yeah, *****, I know) and there is no way to judge right now. I find it hard to believe that any woman is cold enough to hurt me like this. I'm going to take it easy, being nice, but acting in a way, like it never happened. Some of you guys have this idea like women are cold and calculating and would do anything to hurt you...they are not. If she lied about rape and cheating though, it's definately done for good. I will let you guys know when I find out for sure, but for now, it's time for me to really man up, and be a loving and supporting boyfriend.

 

[Ease]

One of the reasons that people are extra harsh on this forum sometimes, and read here Tyte Eyez, is that a man involved in the situation personally is blind to the situation and will automatically try to reject the comments. It does indeed sometimes need to be beaten into him, later on in life when looking back he too will see it. Granted most do it because they are dumb, but it serves a purpose.

In the last post you said:

I will let you guys know when I find out for sure, but for now, it's time for me to really man up, and be a loving and supporting boyfriend.

I dont know how you got here but lets look at what we have:

You were suspicious of her cheating before it happened,
She was connecting with new guys and acting in a way very fitting of cheating,
She says she got raped- but you aren't allowed to know the details, she gets defensive and manipulative every time you ask specifics.
She doesnt want you involved and wont let you find the guy.


Now everyone look at this list and you try and say that there's no foul play here. You said it yourself, your instinctive guess that 'women lie about rape when they regret', you know this better than we do that this is 95% exactly what happened.

Are you going to sit in your seat while she supposedly gets raped? Are you going to not be involved with the police issues and details while she sorts this out herself? Don't sit back like this and be a supporting and loving boyfriend when you are actually in the position of clueless and humiliated chump.

A loving and supporting boyfriend's job is not to comfort her and stroke her hair, it would be to file the police complaint, find the guy, know exactly what happened and not let her out like that in the first place. **** what you have been told. Unfortunately i think it would be a unanimous decision from everyone who reads this deal that you will end up dumping her once you actually dig into this topic, but for your sake, dig into this topic and find out.

 

[Iceberg]

Also, Ace, she didn't immediately want me to leave. She still won't let me leave when I ask her if I should. She wants me to be around and protect her. She just wanted me to leave when I asked if she had been cheating. She claims she is a little afraid of me, purely on the basis of me being a man. Butwe have done several sexual things, other than sex, since it happened. So she still likes sex, but she won't have real sex with me until it has healed. I work at 1:30 am and she should realize it's absolutely ridiculous for her to come home anytime close to that, or afterward. It was something like 2 days that she stayed after work, before it happened, and she came right before I left to see me. Not proof she was cheating. And none of you can realistically say what you would do...without having it happen. And I hope it never happens to any of you guys. If she did lie about anything, I will find out, but I'm in a highly emotional state (yeah, *****, I know) and there is no way to judge right now. I find it hard to believe that any woman is cold enough to hurt me like this. I'm going to take it easy, being nice, but acting in a way, like it never happened. Some of you guys have this idea like women are cold and calculating and would do anything to hurt you...they are not. If she lied about rape and cheating though, it's definately done for good. I will let you guys know when I find out for sure, but for now, it's time for me to really man up, and be a loving and supporting boyfriend.

Here's what I'm curious about...How do you justify her not wanting you to meet the cousin who "took care of it" or how she didnt want you to meet her friends from work or pick her up? I'm just suspicious that she wants to keep you out of this because she's afraid you'll go to the cops, and then she has to file a fake police report, which in turn will get her in trouble.

Anyway, I'm not being a smartass. I'm seriously curious about the logic you apply to those situations.

 

[Warrior74]

And fvck all of you who threw this chick under the bus without knowing exactly what happened. Unless you were there with her, you don't know sh1t. I'm glad I don't have anything invested in you *******s. Again, fvck y'all.

haha jakes on you. You mad bro.


Seriously though. What the hell does anyone on this site know about anyone elses situtation but what they post? Its damn near useless to give advice, but when you can see the guy is fishing for some reason not to follow his gut, you gotta tell him the real deal. Seriously, my last BDP type girl cried that she was raped by a cop when I tried to break up with her. Of course she never told anyone, not her dad (who had pull in their town, city council), not her brothers, not her ex husband who she met afterwards, no one in 10 years but me? And right when I was about to break up with her? Yes, let us use reason. Let's be cereal. Jakes on you bro. If all the info this guy has is what he gave us, what other conclusion could it be. Of course later after hearing what he wants to hear he starts adding more info. As most posters usually do, then it makes the rest of us looks like insensitive jerks. But hey, give us half the equation and you'll get half the solution. Of course if you don't want advice don't post, and if you don't post it all, don't be surprised when people don't get your point of view. This is how the internetz work son.

 

[cordoncordon]

I had an ex BPD gf who cried rape, in a wallmart parking lot. And everytime I would try to get her to go to the police, she came up with one reason after another not to. She also said she was attacked out by a dumpster, and a few other things she said happened as well. Of course, none of it ever did happen, she just did it to try and get sympathy/attention from me. I think the OP's gf did it for a couple of reasons. One she, fvcked a guy, and from the sounds of it has been fvcking all kinds of guys on the side, and two, she figured she can use this to get more power and sympathy from the OP, who at this point sounds like he is a walking DOORMAT.

OP, you are so up in this girls azz you need a flashlight to see around all day. She has you wrapped around every finger she has.

I'll break it down for you:
1. She didn't get raped
2. She is fvcking other guys
3. You are allowing her to fvck other guys
4. You are a spineless jellyfish with no self esteem besides what you perceive what value this girl brings to you by the fact that she is allowing herself to date you.

Dump this lying sack of sh1t. Then come back here for some advice and opinions on how to start your life again, because right now? Being with this girl? Your life is OVER.

 

[user43770]

haha jakes on you. You mad bro.


Seriously though. What the hell does anyone on this site know about anyone elses situtation but what they post? Its damn near useless to give advice, but when you can see the guy is fishing for some reason not to follow his gut, you gotta tell him the real deal. Seriously, my last BDP type girl cried that she was raped by a cop when I tried to break up with her. Of course she never told anyone, not her dad (who had pull in their town, city council), not her brothers, not her ex husband who she met afterwards, no one in 10 years but me? And right when I was about to break up with her? Yes, let us use reason. Let's be cereal. Jakes on you bro. If all the info this guy has is what he gave us, what other conclusion could it be. Of course later after hearing what he wants to hear he starts adding more info. As most posters usually do, then it makes the rest of us looks like insensitive jerks. But hey, give us half the equation and you'll get half the solution. Of course if you don't want advice don't post, and if you don't post it all, don't be surprised when people don't get your point of view. This is how the internetz work son.

I'm not mad at all. I just don't agree with some of the sentiments that are being tossed around so freely. Why would she claim rape in the first place - why not just pretend that the hook-up never happened? Wouldn't the average woman wait until she was caught to start crying rape?

I'm just saying, rape is one of the most personally violent crimes out there.

Edit - and what the hell is a jake? Don't you mean joke? Is that some kind of internetz speak?

 

[user43770]

One of the reasons that people are extra harsh on this forum sometimes, and read here Tyte Eyez, is that a man involved in the situation personally is blind to the situation and will automatically try to reject the comments. It does indeed sometimes need to be beaten into him, later on in life when looking back he too will see it. Granted most do it because they are dumb, but it serves a purpose.

In the last post you said:


I dont know how you got here but lets look at what we have:

You were suspicious of her cheating before it happened,
She was connecting with new guys and acting in a way very fitting of cheating,
She says she got raped- but you aren't allowed to know the details, she gets defensive and manipulative every time you ask specifics.
She doesnt want you involved and wont let you find the guy.


Now everyone look at this list and you try and say that there's no foul play here. You said it yourself, your instinctive guess that 'women lie about rape when they regret', you know this better than we do that this is 95% exactly what happened.

Are you going to sit in your seat while she supposedly gets raped? Are you going to not be involved with the police issues and details while she sorts this out herself? Don't sit back like this and be a supporting and loving boyfriend when you are actually in the position of clueless and humiliated chump.

A loving and supporting boyfriend's job is not to comfort her and stroke her hair, it would be to file the police complaint, find the guy, know exactly what happened and not let her out like that in the first place. **** what you have been told. Unfortunately i think it would be a unanimous decision from everyone who reads this deal that you will end up dumping her once you actually dig into this topic, but for your sake, dig into this topic and find out.

Good post, Ease. This is some of that logic stuff I was looking for.

 

[JustLurk]

Edit - and what the hell is a jake? Don't you mean joke? Is that some kind of internetz speak?

ಠ_ಠ
+1 angry guy because he doesn't can-speak 1k posts.

 

[KarmaSutra]

I've waited for the comments and cvnts to make their remarks on this issue. My perspective is that she's screaming the "rape" word to appease her own sense of guilt. Not for fvcking around on her girlfriend; she's feeling guilty for getting caught.

Her sense of morality has now been called into question. The best way for her to draw attention away from her rampant wh0reness is to cry rape.

The problem I find is her girlfriend is going to reward her behavior with absolutely no consequence whatsoever. What should happen to this idiot broad is to have some guy really take her pvssy and ass without her consent so she can understand what happens when you cry wolf.

Girlfriend of this idiot broad, you should turn 180 degrees and run from her as fast as possible. If she's full-willing to cover her tracks with these type shenanigans, what the fvck do you think is in store for YOU later when she doesn't get her way?

 

[f283000]

If I were you I would get away from this female ASAP!

A woman that would go as far as make rape claims is crazy enough to do anything!

Whether it be messing with your car if she doesn't get her way, getting pregnant to trap you into marriage with her etc. There's no telling what sort of crazy drama she could bring into your life.

I would be very careful if I were you.

 

[Julius_Seizeher]

Hypothetically, if I were to find out my gf had been hanging out with another dude and gotten raped, my only words would be "Not my problem."

Cause whether she got raped or not, it's not my problem. Even if it's true, wtf am I supposed to do about it anyway? But when you factor in the infidelity, you are selling yourself short to sit there and console your gf for getting raped by her fling. My god, it's ridiculous!

Any conversation from my gf that began with "So I was hanging out with this guy and..." isn't going any further than that. Depending on the circumstances, the phone is getting hung up, she is getting kicked out of my house, or that's my Corvette burning rubber down the road.

 

[KarmaSutra]

Hypothetically, if I were to find out my gf had been hanging out with another dude and gotten raped, my only words would be "Not my problem."

Cause whether she got raped or not, it's not my problem.

This is how a mature man thinks.

She put herself into a precarious position, rife with consequence and a good potential for disaster; it's her responsibility to reap those consequences.

Refer to Karma's Law #1 for further detail.

 

[Kirro]

This is how a mature man thinks.

She put herself into a precarious position, rife with consequence and a good potential for disaster; it's her responsibility to reap those consequences.

Refer to Karma's Law #1 for further detail.

Now while I subscribe to this line of thinking. I really have trouble believing that most males, even myself would be able to react like that in a real life situation with a real girl. Even though I'd rocket her azz out of my life faster than NASA I'd still feel some way about it.

 

[KarmaSutra]

I really have trouble believing that most males, even myself would be able to react like that in a real life situation with a real girl.

This is precisely what separates men from boys.

Men will never allow this tripe to consume one moment of his time. Boys will do everything they can to devote themselves to the misery of her demise.

 

[Kirro]

This is precisely what separates men from boys.

Men will never allow this tripe to consume one moment of his time. Boys will do everything they can to devote themselves to the misery of her demise.

I firmly believe in quickly cutting off those who aren't off benefit but to be able to do so completely detached from emotions is a bit strange. Stuff like this is much easier to deal with hypothetically.