It's just not happening for me. I admit defeat.

[Kal0051]

I know why you want to give up, and that's because you feel like **** that u put in effort (though I doubt much effort in your case) and haven't had any results. Your putting too much importance and getting women and a girlfriend. That does 2 things. One, girls can sense your desperation. And two, you feel like **** when you aren't making progress. So don't put so
much importance on getting laid/ a girlfriend. Instead go out, socialize, have fun.

And don't say that I don't know how it feels. I'm your age and I'm virgin. Never had a girlfriend. And you know what? I could care less. I'd rather have fun than mope around because I don't have a girlfriend. If I meet a girl that likes me and I like her than great, I'll lose my virginity then. But I don't get upset when a girl doesn't like me, her ****ing loss.

 

[flint]

Honestly man there's 2 things you've said so far here that are just destroying your confidence and messing up your understanding of this material.

First, as others have said, you don't wait for IOI's to come before you go approaching because that almost never happens unless you've got great looks. As I said in a thread I started a few days back, I've noticed that very few men actually approach women and all. Does it happen? Sure, but when you're in a bar or something you'll see like one group of guys doing it while the rest are sitting there trying to get their "nerves" up. But this is a good thing, because if you do approach a girl in a positive way you can create attraction without amazing looks because you stand out from the rest and show you're willing to go after what you want.

Once you've opened an HB and you've been talking for a few minutes then you start looking for the IOI's or signals that she's not interested (if she's playing with her hair, good, if she's looking around the bar while you're talking to her, bad). Because of the fact that you don't really know this leads me to believe you actually haven't read up on the material enough yet, so believe it or not while approaching will ultimately make you good at this I think you need to read up more too.

The other thing that's killing you is that you're stuck in the matrix, and few guys ever get out of it. Most guys go through life after having poor success with women and say "it's pointless I can't ever get good at this, there's no way I can get a women to like me" or things similar to that. Most guys won't even come to a site like this because they're too lazy. But honestly dude, I'm not a DJ yet don't get me wrong, but as you plow through and keep approaching you'll see this stuff works. Even if you aren't sharp at picking up IOI's you'll at least notice girls seem "friendly" or more "receptive" at bare minimum when you're approaching.

So don't give up dude. I'd say read the material a little more cause you need to sharpen up, and then yeah just keep approaching since that's how you get good.

 

[Alle_Gory]

Just keep socializing and all my problems will eventually go away?

No. Not every one. Just most of them.

Like everything this will take time and patience. You've got to find that in you. You won't get it correct right away but if you stick with it you will. If things aren't working then learn from them. I find that I learn so much when sh*t goes wrong compared to when everything is super comfy and I breeze through it.

 

[raq]

You are not approaching them. And you are coming from the wrong place. Not a very good atitude.

You are sowing **** on the sideway hoping to reap colorful flowers and delicious fruits.

They don't make eye contact? They don't say hi? They does not approach you?

That does not mean necessarily that they are not interested.

Countless situations I thought that girls were not showing "IOIs" just to have my friends tell me later that they were very interested in me.

It's always on is not just a good 'mental masturbation' belief to have. It's MOSTLY reality.

You hope they will approach you as a sign of showing interest, but that's not gonna happen, UNLESS you are having fun, smiling, well groomed, well dressed, with some girls talking to you, etc.

With those characteristics above you'll see more approach invitation for girls. And still AI is not the best way to game.

You may find I'm writing BS and maybe I am. Believe or not, AlmostThere, sooner or later you'll realize this, just as I did:

MAN - WOMAN
MASCULINE - FEMININE
ACTIVE - REACTIVE
POSITIVE - NEGATIVE
REASON - EMOTION
GIVES - RECEIVES
PENIS - VAGINA

Now, manage the ego, embrace the fear of rejection, the fear of being laughed at, the fear of embarassment.

PS.: I also got girls approaching me out of the blue, just because I visualized myself and writed that reality as I wanted to happen. (thanks Brent). But you probably will label this a "new age BS", so don't ever try.

PSS.: Have you ever read the classics of Dale Carnegie or Robert Greene? Or SenorFingers or Pook from DJ Forums?

 

[CaptainJ]

Success always comes one step after failure.

 

[AlmostThere!]

And don't say that I don't know how it feels. I'm your age and I'm virgin. Never had a girlfriend. And you know what? I could care less. I'd rather have fun than mope around because I don't have a girlfriend. If I meet a girl that likes me and I like her than great, I'll lose my virginity then. But I don't get upset when a girl doesn't like me, her ****ing loss.

Wow. How do you stay so positive? What are your weaknesses that cause you not to have a girlfriend, or never having sex?

Like everything this will take time and patience. You've got to find that in you. You won't get it correct right away but if you stick with it you will.

I'm going to keep putting myself out there and meeting people. But I hope something will come out of it this year. Preferably before summer...it'd be nice to have a girl to do stuff with this summer.

Never be self-conscious. It's like, "I don't have TIME to be self-conscious. I'm on a mission. Whether that be the mental satisfaction of having ladies around me wooing me, or the actual fvcking them, I'm on a mission regardless.

That's a good way to think about it.

It just seems like you're afraid of your own shadow...so go ahead and quit. All of us on this message board who are successful with women got there because we TRIED. We WORKED at it. We suffered, we got rejected, and failed numerous times...and after that, we learned how to succeed. You don't want to work at it....you want to whine on an internet message board to get attention from men. Maybe you're gay? Have you considered that?

Everybody deals with rejection and pain a different way. I like to rant and have people point out that I'm full of sh*t and my ideas are way off base. That helps me.



I feel like once a girl is attracted to me...I'd know how to keep her attracted. My problem is getting that spark. I don't know how to go from "who's he?" to "that's my boyfriend".

Someone said that all of my qualities don't mean sh*t to women. How do I speak to a woman's emotions? Instead of thinking my good job and intelligence will attract women...I need to start understanding a woman's emotions. Can someone help me with that?

 

[Alle_Gory]

Preferably before summer...it'd be nice to have a girl to do stuff with this summer.

And how do you expect to get there? You want her to just fall into your lap? You're spending way too much time feeling sorry for yourself and saying you "can't do it". Well no sh*t you can't do it. You're wasting all this time doing nothing.

If you want something then go get it. It takes time and effort. The bigger the challenge, the more time and effort. Things don't happen instantly.

Someone said that all of my qualities don't mean sh*t to women. How do I speak to a woman's emotions? Instead of thinking my good job and intelligence will attract women...I need to start understanding a woman's emotions. Can someone help me with that?

Sure. A chick can help you with that. Just remember that chicks speak very covertly. I use alot of sarcasm when talking to them... in a playful way. That's my thing.

It gives them something to think about. They don't like it when you speak to them directly, they want to think about things. Subtelty works.

For the most part. Can't use it all the time. Just when flirting.


Some female friends are key. Use them.

 

[Iceberg]

Everybody deals with rejection and pain a different way. I like to rant and have people point out that I'm full of sh*t and my ideas are way off base. That helps me.

I feel like once a girl is attracted to me...I'd know how to keep her attracted. My problem is getting that spark. I don't know how to go from "who's he?" to "that's my boyfriend".

Someone said that all of my qualities don't mean sh*t to women. How do I speak to a woman's emotions? Instead of thinking my good job and intelligence will attract women...I need to start understanding a woman's emotions. Can someone help me with that?

No. No one can help you with that, because it's your dumb a** who's overthinking everything. And frankly, I think you're a wuss, and before you even start thinking about getting a girl, you need to learn to stop being a wuss. God help the next woman who dates you....because you have a LONG way to go.

I don't understand a woman's emotions....no man truly does...they're insane. But I get girls. How do I get girls? By building myself into a confident person who doesn't need to understand a woman's emotions.

This isn't your 5th period Advanced Psychology class. It's life. There's no "understanding" you're going to reach. It's you, being comfortable in your own skin, LIVING without whining about every misstep.

All those hobbies you're afraid to start. And clubs you're afraid to join...I joined clubs and started hobbies to focus on something other than women. And by focusing on things other than women, it got me to a point in life where I wasn't whining about not having a girl. Because I had 100 other things going on that were important to me.

And honestly, look at yourself. Are you someone that you'd want to date? Imagine having a girlfriend that came on the internet to vent, who was afraid to join social clubs, afraid to start hobbies, quit on every task in life that required effort, and whose life was in shambles just because she didn't have a boyfriend. If I was dating a girl that was like you, I'd delete her phone number after the first conversation. Maybe I'd send her the name of a good therapist if I was feeling nice that day.

Everyone has come into every single one of your whining threads taking time out of their days to give you tons of advance...which you choose to ignore, so you can come back and ask the same dumb questions over and over again.

You: "I'm gonna be alone forever!"
Us: "No you're not."
You: "How do I get girls?"
Us: "By being confident, and building a life outside of women."
You: "But I don't have friends!!"
Us: "Go out and meet some."
You: "I gave it a half-a** try and it didn't work!"
You: "I'm gonna be alone forever!!"

...And the cycle starts all over again.

Face the facts. You spend more time whining than trying. And people like you deserve what they get (or don't get, in your case).

 

[AlmostThere!]

Okay, Iceberg...I'm going to start ignoring you. The only thing you want to do is belittle me. I know that trying is better than whining. I am trying... and I do read the advice given to me.



I was thinking about the word CONFIDENCE. Sometimes it's easier to understand the meaning of a word when it's applied to real life. So, I tried to think of confident people, and if they weren't confident, would you still believe/trust them?

Undercover Cop: Imagine if a guy pulled out a badge and told you to get down on the ground. He's wearing a police shirt and have cuffs. But his tone of voice and body language shows that he's unsure of himself. You begin to doubt if he's really a cop...

Surgeon: A doctor comes into your room and says he will be operating on your heart. You ask him relatively simple questions but he stammers upon given you answers. He doesn't make eye contact and kinda slouches in his chair. Would you be confident in this doctor?

Car Salesman: You go into a dealership and the salesman assigned to help you out doesn't have much energy. He has a frown on his face and often keeps his arms crossed. Would this make you feel comfortable?

Thinking of these three scenarios, confidence now makes sense. The reason why girls run away from guys that have no confidence, and are attracted to guys with confidence because confidence means you're sure about yourself and they should be too.

And undercover cop should have a loud, authorative voice and strong body language. Likewise, a man should speak loud (preferably in a deep tone) and stand up straight when chatting with a girl.

A doctor should have answers to your questions without coming across as if he's still in medical school. Likewise, a man should be clever enough whereas a girl's tricks and tests shouldn't phase him.

A car salesman needs to be enthusiastic and make you feel comfortable. Likewise, a man should have a smile on his face and allow a girl to feel comfortable around him.

Manly voice and confident body language
Clever/witty
Smile and positive vibe

That's what make a confident man. I often find myself so stuck in my head that I speak lower (not deeper), I'm not very clever because I'm thinking bullsh*t like "what should I say next" or "does she notice that bump on my forehead". And I'm not smiling or have a postive vibe because I'm girlfriend-less and depressed.

I don't know if my thoughts can help anyone in my situation (or worse), but it's there for your knowledge. Be a Cop, Doctor, and Salesman.

 

[Kal0051]

Wow. How do you stay so positive? What are your weaknesses that cause you not to have a girlfriend, or never having sex?

I'm positive because I have no reason not to be positive. I don't think I have any particular weaknesses, just never had a girlfriend and never had sex. I didn't always even want a girlfriend, sometimes I prefer being single. And as far as sex it just never happened to me. Your putting too much important on women and sex. They both exist to enrich your life, not define it. I should add that at one time it pissed me off that women weren't attracted to me and I was a virgin. I didn't whine about it as much but it really bothered me. But one day I stopped caring. Now stopped caring didn't mean giving up, because since I've stopped caring I've gone out with a different girl every week (didn't **** any of them for various reasons, but whatever).

 

[nismo-4]

Why should I *****ng approach when a girl isn't interested? I'll be wasting my time.

Oh, hell no, papa nismo gotta wake yo ass the f**k up!

Go clean your room! Erase that defeatist attitude! Do it now! Goddammit! You are not some f**kin' psychic or a mindreader! You may be replaceable, but you need to make your prescence known!

You better wipe them damn tears from your face!

You need to do some things where the girls will be interested in you. Remember th-

Didn't I tell you to stop crying?!

Remember that somebody else always got it worse than your ass. Revamp your damn strategies! Up your looks, money, style, status, or something to make girls want to come to you! Focus on your goddamn life and remember that girls don't complete you. It's your job as a f**kin' man to complete a girl!

Quit whining dammit! You are not defeated by girls, you are defeated only by yourself. Misery and insecurity and desperation vibes all repel women who could otherwise be receptive to your approaches!

Wake your goddamn ass up and get approaching! A dime piece isn't just gonna fall from the sky and land in your f**kin' lap! Get the f**k out the house and go after what the f**k you want to the best of your damn ability! Motherf**kin' goddammit! Check yourself and your ways! Life is not some damn fairytale, and that's the truth. You can handle the truth right? If so, listen to papa nismo, get yo ass out the house and make your own damn opportunities!

You'll thank me later, but your princess is in another castle! Or your princess is getting another castle in her!

 

[Isko]

Okay, Iceberg...I'm going to start ignoring you. The only thing you want to do is belittle me. I know that trying is better than whining. I am trying... and I do read the advice given to me.

First off, Iceberg is trying to help you. He's just using the tough-love, drill-sergeant style. It might not work, but remember you just said this in your last post:

I like to rant and have people point out that I'm full of sh*t and my ideas are way off base. That helps me.

No one here really wants to belittle you. I suggest you meditate on why you feel like people are trying to make you feel bad about yourself. We all want to help; you might be having trouble seeing that and trusting that we have your best interests in mind.

I was thinking about the word CONFIDENCE. Sometimes it's easier to understand the meaning of a word when it's applied to real life. So, I tried to think of confident people, and if they weren't confident, would you still believe/trust them?

Undercover Cop: Imagine if a guy pulled out a badge and told you to get down on the ground. He's wearing a police shirt and have cuffs. But his tone of voice and body language shows that he's unsure of himself. You begin to doubt if he's really a cop...

Surgeon: A doctor comes into your room and says he will be operating on your heart. You ask him relatively simple questions but he stammers upon given you answers. He doesn't make eye contact and kinda slouches in his chair. Would you be confident in this doctor?

Car Salesman: You go into a dealership and the salesman assigned to help you out doesn't have much energy. He has a frown on his face and often keeps his arms crossed. Would this make you feel comfortable?

Thinking of these three scenarios, confidence now makes sense. The reason why girls run away from guys that have no confidence, and are attracted to guys with confidence because confidence means you're sure about yourself and they should be too.

And undercover cop should have a loud, authorative voice and strong body language. Likewise, a man should speak loud (preferably in a deep tone) and stand up straight when chatting with a girl.

A doctor should have answers to your questions without coming across as if he's still in medical school. Likewise, a man should be clever enough whereas a girl's tricks and tests shouldn't phase him.

A car salesman needs to be enthusiastic and make you feel comfortable. Likewise, a man should have a smile on his face and allow a girl to feel comfortable around him.

Manly voice and confident body language
Clever/witty
Smile and positive vibe

That's what make a confident man. I often find myself so stuck in my head that I speak lower (not deeper), I'm not very clever because I'm thinking bullsh*t like "what should I say next" or "does she notice that bump on my forehead". And I'm not smiling or have a postive vibe because I'm girlfriend-less and depressed.

Good observations! Confidence inspires TRUST. Someone who is acting confidently is perceived as honest, and as speaking from their heart, without a hidden agenda. We want to be able to trust cops, doctors, and salespeople, because we're taking a risk by involving ourselves with them. We want to trust that they will tell us the truth as they see it, that they won't lie to us or hide information that could be important to us, etcetera.

Likewise, a girl is taking a risk when getting involved with a guy. She wants to know that he's being honest and upfront with her. He's a total stranger; for all she knows, he's a serial killer or date rapist or something. That's why I suggested you tell girls that you're a virgin, with limited social experience. If you try to hide details about yourself, you will come across as unconfident, which is also known as creepy. She might think you're hiding some evil secret, when in reality, you're just shy and inexperienced: Nothing to be ashamed of! By the way, limited social experience can cause paranoia, and make it hard for you to trust others and yourself. Try to understand that about yourself: That you might see evil intentions in yourself and others, when there really are none.

This correlation between honesty and confidence is evident in the word "confident". It means you confide in people. You tell them the truth; you tell them your secrets. Being a virgin is a fine, harmless secret that will not turn off girls. If you hide it, they will think that something is strange about you, and their imaginations might even start wondering whether you are violent or something like that.

You know how catholics have the tradition of confession? Telling someone your secrets, even the ones you thought no one would forgive, always makes you feel better. Opening up to people requires you opening up to yourself first.

As an example: I still sometimes feel bad about having read so much pickup material over the last year and a half. That's one of the dirtiest secrets in my head. But even though I forget sometimes, it wasn't immoral; I know why I did it, and I had good intentions. I just wanted to become a better person and learn to be honest about my sexual urges. I never truly wanted to manipulate; only to connect with people and make them feel good and loved, as well as having those feelings myself.

 

[AlmostThere!]

No one here really wants to belittle you. I suggest you meditate on why you feel like people are trying to make you feel bad about yourself. We all want to help; you might be having trouble seeing that and trusting that we have your best interests in mind.

...

Try to understand that about yourself: That you might see evil intentions in yourself and others, when there really are none.

Will do.

It's your job as a f**kin' man to complete a girl!

...

Misery and insecurity and desperation vibes all repel women who could otherwise be receptive to your approaches!

...

A dime piece isn't just gonna fall from the sky and land in your f**kin' lap! Get the f**k out the house and go after what the f**k you want to the best of your damn ability! Motherf**kin' goddammit! Check yourself and your ways! Life is not some damn fairytale, and that's the truth.

I gotta start believing this instead of just saying I believe.

If a girl (rudely) blows me off when I came correct at her....**** her. She has the issues. It would be different if I approached her stank or disrespectful. If I get a number and she flakes or don't answer my calls...**** her. Let her keep playing childish games and pass up on a decent guy.

Besides the fact that not everyone will like me, that's just the nature of the beast...I have to stop thinking of rejection as being personal and reverse that sh*t back onto them. If I say 'hi' to someone and they don't say 'hi' back...then they're the unhappy miserable sona*****, not me. Because there's nothing wrong with saying 'hi'.

 

[Mantis Toboggan]

If a girl (rudely) blows me off when I came correct at her....**** her. She has the issues. It would be different if I approached her stank or disrespectful.

If I get a number and she flakes or don't answer my calls...**** her. Let her keep playing childish games and pass up on a decent guy.

If I say 'hi' to someone and they don't say 'hi' back...then they're the unhappy miserable sona*****, not me.

Okay, well you just summed up EVERYTHING you need to know. So, the question is, will you be back here next week starting a new "I give up. Feel sorry for me." thread?

Good luck.

 

[Perfect10]

Weird. Cause I'm getting chicks without a problem and I've learned it from here. I guess you'll just die alone

 

[Kailex]

Alright, I'm officially sick of reading your banter, AlmostThere!
Your OP started maybe 2 - 3 weeks ago. You definitely didn't give yourself enough time to build up your own social life.

You know why women won't go out with you or ignore you, because they can sense how sad, desperate, and hopeless you are.

That simple. And until you DEAL with that fact and turn it around, you won't get anywhere.

 

[Mantis Toboggan]

Alright, I'm officially sick of reading your banter, AlmostThere!
Your OP started maybe 2 - 3 weeks ago. You definitely didn't give yourself enough time to build up your own social life.

You know why women won't go out with you or ignore you, because they can sense how sad, desperate, and hopeless you are.

That simple. And until you DEAL with that fact and turn it around, you won't get anywhere.

But he WILL keep posting here, giving us weekly updates about how his life hasn't turned around yet and he's "giving up".

 

[AlmostThere!]

But he WILL keep posting here, giving us weekly updates about how his life hasn't turned around yet and he's "giving up".

Stop trying to predict the future. I made whining threads in the past but that doesn't mean I'll keep making them. I hate when people online try to be a therapist based on words written on a screen.

 

[AlmostThere!]

Alright, I'm officially sick of reading your banter, AlmostThere!
Your OP started maybe 2 - 3 weeks ago. You definitely didn't give yourself enough time to build up your own social life.

You know why women won't go out with you or ignore you, because they can sense how sad, desperate, and hopeless you are.

That simple. And until you DEAL with that fact and turn it around, you won't get anywhere.

I'm sad and desperate but I'm not hopeless. I know that women have an acute sense of picking up on a man's vibe and I have to overcome that. There's no reason why I can't succeed. I have to stop worrying about my past failures. I have to stop worring about not having a GF. I have to show girls I am happy and confident in myself. I will only post legitimate questions and photos of my success to prove myself and all of you wrong.

I am NOT hopeless. If one gir in my entire life dated me for two months and slept with me (and this was when I was really desperate), I can certainly do it again being my new self.

 

[Kailex]

Stop trying to predict the future. I made whining threads in the past but that doesn't mean I'll keep making them. I hate when people online try to be a therapist based on words written on a screen.

Then PROVE it. Not to US, but to YOURSELF.

This is what I am referring to, the OP from this thread coming on 01/31/2010.
You seemed like you were turning it around a few days later. I come back and see this thread now, just TWO weeks after.

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=171060

Come on, man. Give yourself more time. Just because you make a certain amount or you are "good looking", seriously? You think this makes you automatically a "good catch"? I actually FEAR for the woman who would even date you right NOW. And that's not a joke either.

You've had three threads in the past:

-I'm 26 and time's almost up
- Everyone hates me
- I give up

That's in the past TWO weeks and all of us have spent valuable time of OURS and YOURS trying to help YOU. If you don't like our advice, you immediately say we are belittling you, and if you do, you say you will do it and then, yeah... THESE threads happen.

You tried joining clubs and stuff? For what, all of ONE week?

Stop saying you're going to change for the better and then giving up a week later. At this point, I think you need certified help to help with YOU and not your dating life.