AmsterdamAssassin
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Aug 4, 2023
- Messages
- 6,586
- Reaction score
- 5,699
Well, you can see when someone gets evasive and focusing on details so they can avoid the main issue -- they are procrastinating by busying themselves with other things so they can say they 'don't have time' to address the main issue.It’s concerning to see someone who’s been a member since 2009, surrounded by a wealth of resources on relationships and personal development, yet still struggling to make progress. It seems like he might be DEERing (defending, explaining, excusing, rationalizing) his situation instead of taking steps to address it. I can’t imagine what excuses he has been using for the past 15 years. He could also be using the site as a platform to win arguments without genuine engagement or intention for personal growth.
I'm an author and I meet many people who tell me "I always wanted to write a book, but I can never find the time..." and it is offensive to me, as if my day isn't 24-hours like theirs. If you really want to write a book, you don't 'find time' but you 'make time' by sacrificing other things. Some writers get up an hour early and write before they go to work. Other's write in during every spare time in the work day. Or they don't flop down in front of the TV when they come home from work, but they put away the TV and other distractions and concentrate on writing.
In the current climate, people like to 'plan out' their improvements, but when it comes to going to the gym or the dojo or the swimming pool, they have multitudes of excuses why they don't have the time / energy to put in the work. But they do have the time / energy to complain about their misery on forums. That is 'emotional vampire' behaviour bordering on Munchhausen. They love the attention and they disregard the advice, because they don't really want to change. Being a miserable procrastinator gets them enough attention for the moment and they can come back the next day and complain again and someone will give them attention again, so...
And that is why I'm loathe to give advice on this forum, because hardly anyone here actually follows advice. They prefer to read and discuss about self-improvement and watch videos and discuss that with the other failures, but actually taking steps to remedy their situation will always be 'excused away'.