Initiating female contact as a male gender role is not as bad as it seems

[GoodMan32]

Not to mention gay guys have higher standards (not into fat people). If a gay guy finds you attractive, it confirms that you are. I'm not gay, but just an assumption about them.

Yeah. I have decent looks (even if not a 10). My social awkwardness is what repels the ladies.

Gay guys, on the other hand, don't give a damn about social awkwardness. Gay guys care more about looks alone.

 

[oc16]

Yeah. I have decent looks (even if not a 10). My social awkwardness is what repels the ladies.

Gay guys, on the other hand, don't give a damn about social awkwardness. Gay guys care more about looks alone.

What makes you socially awkward?

 

[GoodMan32]

What makes you socially awkward?

I'm on the spectrum.

Here's the analogy I've used before to describe being on the spectrum vs having garden variety social awkwardness:

If you've ever watched Big Bang Theory, Leonard is garden variety socially awkward. When he commits a social blunder, he typically catches himself right away (and is able to laugh it off). It's no wonder Leonard managed to get Penny (a beautiful normal woman) on season 2

Sheldon and Howard, on the other hand, I'm pretty sure are on the spectrum (even though the producers insist no one on the show is on the spectrum). When Sheldon and Howard commit a social blunder, they have no idea they did anything wrong. Before he gets with Bernadette, the girls Howard pursues are genuinely creeped out by him. Sheldon doesn't really pursue anyone, but the outside world in general is repulsed by him.

 

[oc16]

I'm on the spectrum.

Here's the analogy I've used before to describe being on the spectrum vs having garden variety social awkwardness:

If you've ever watched Big Bang Theory, Leonard is garden variety socially awkward. When he commits a social blunder, he typically catches himself right away (and is able to laugh it off). It's no wonder Leonard managed to get Penny (a beautiful normal woman) on season 2

Sheldon and Howard, on the other hand, I'm pretty sure are on the spectrum (even though the producers insist no one on the show is on the spectrum). When Sheldon and Howard commit a social blunder, they have no idea they did anything wrong. Before he gets with Bernadette, the girls Howard pursues are genuinely creeped out by him. Sheldon doesn't really pursue anyone, but the outside world in general is repulsed by him.

Understood. I have colleagues who are on the spectrum and see what you mean.

 

[Hamurabimbi]

Not to mention gay guys have higher standards (not into fat people). If a gay guy finds you attractive, it confirms that you are. I'm not gay, but just an assumption about them.

I used to occasionally work near the Castro (the gayest part of SF). Gay baristas would often give me free coffee. I drank it black.

 

[Hamurabimbi]

I'm on the spectrum.

Here's the analogy I've used before to describe being on the spectrum vs having garden variety social awkwardness:

If you've ever watched Big Bang Theory, Leonard is garden variety socially awkward. When he commits a social blunder, he typically catches himself right away (and is able to laugh it off). It's no wonder Leonard managed to get Penny (a beautiful normal woman) on season 2

Sheldon and Howard, on the other hand, I'm pretty sure are on the spectrum (even though the producers insist no one on the show is on the spectrum). When Sheldon and Howard commit a social blunder, they have no idea they did anything wrong. Before he gets with Bernadette, the girls Howard pursues are genuinely creeped out by him. Sheldon doesn't really pursue anyone, but the outside world in general is repulsed by him.

I’m a bit odd myself. My GF told me; ‘You’re an odd duck.’. An FWB rejected my wanting a relationship saying; ‘You’re far nerdier & weirder than I could have possibly imagined.’. I don’t think I’m on the Spectrum. Rather just very eccentric & narcissistic. I had an unusual childhood & some strange jobs. Including stretches of working completely alone. Which tends to erode one’s social filter.

 

[H8CourtshipWithAPassion]

yeah, i'm sure it will still be this way a full century from now, millenium from now

 

[zekko]

However, at least we are in control and can pick and choose which women we want to talk to.

This is the biggest argument for cold approach IMO. If there's someone you like, you can take your shot with her, you're proactive.

 

[corrector]

This is the biggest argument for cold approach IMO. If there's someone you like, you can take your shot with her, you're proactive.

Yeah, if gay dudes are doing to other guys without knowing if they are straight or not then then we should do that to women, without knowing if the approach will be accepted or not. I mean, if they don't care, then we should not care either and just approach girls too.

 

[zekko]

Yeah, if gay dudes are doing to other guys without knowing if they are straight or not then then we should do that to women, without knowing if the approach will be accepted or not. I mean, if they don't care, then we should not care either and just approach girls too.

That's an interesting thought. Especially in times past, I'm sure it could be very dangerous for gay guys to try to act on their desires. If they approached the wrong guy, it could land them in the hospital, or worse. Approaching a woman holds much less risk, unless maybe she has a violent husband.

 

[GoodMan32]

Yeah, if gay dudes are doing to other guys without knowing if they are straight or not then then we should do that to women, without knowing if the approach will be accepted or not. I mean, if they don't care, then we should not care either and just approach girls too.

I get your point.

Unfortunately, it's viewed (by many a woman at least) as "harassment" to approach a woman without knowing if the approach is wanted.

On the other hand, the typical straight man is unlikely to view it as harassment for a gay man to express interest in him.

As far as I know, there aren't any laws on the books (yet) against a man approaching a woman while unsure if the approach is wanted. In the era of new age feminism, however, I wouldn't be shocked if that law ends up coming (and unfortunately for you, that law will probably come in Canada before it comes in the USA)

 

[corrector]

I get your point.

Unfortunately, it's viewed (by many a woman at least) as "harassment" to approach a woman without knowing if the approach is wanted.

On the other hand, the typical straight man is unlikely to view it as harassment for a gay man to express interest in him.

As far as I know, there aren't any laws on the books (yet) against a man approaching a woman while unsure if the approach is wanted. In the era of new age feminism, however, I wouldn't be shocked if that law ends up coming (and unfortunately for you, that law will probably come in Canada before it comes in the USA)

In terms of your co-workers at work, from what you have said, I do not believe you would get any harassment complaints for any "approach" at work. As you've said, there is no law against an unsolicited approach. If you are a shy type of guy like I am, then there are enough "nerves" barriers to worry about without getting cold-shouldered or getting a lukewarm response from an approach. These gay people were at your job too right?

 

[GoodMan32]

In terms of your co-workers at work, from what you have said, I do not believe you would get any harassment complaints for any "approach" at work. As you've said, there is no law against an unsolicited approach. If you are a shy type of guy like I am, then there are enough "nerves" barriers to worry about without getting cold-shouldered or getting a lukewarm response from an approach. These gay people were at your job too right?

You're damn right, shy men have plenty of nerve barriers (even more-so if the shy man is on the spectrum). I think I've mentioned on this forum that the mere thought of asking a woman out is enough to make my heart start pounding a mile a minute.

Additionally, when it comes to asking a woman out, I'm prone to getting so nervous I can barely get any words to come out of my mouth at all (and so shaky I could fall over at any second).

What sane woman, even if she's physically attracted to the guy, is going to accept his advances if he's exhibiting these behaviors? It's no wonder the only time an in-person ask out ever worked for me was with that super strange college classmate I mentioned (the one who carried around a blanket and a stuffed animal).

As for the gay guys I've gotten attention from, no, none have been coworkers. I used to work near a gay night club. As a result, I ended up crossing paths with a lot of gay guys as they were heading to/coming from the night club (some of which expressed interest in me). One gay guy lives in my building (and some of the gay guys I've gotten attention from have been characters I've run into on a regular basis in my neighborhood, even though they don't live in my building)

 

[corrector]

You're damn right, shy men have plenty of nerve barriers (even more-so if the shy man is on the spectrum). I think I've mentioned on this forum that the mere thought of asking a woman out is enough to make my heart start pounding a mile a minute.

When I was in an elevator alone with that lady my heart went a bit faster. Just asking my boss about the other lady also had my heart beating faster, and then I told my boss to "forget it" when he asked what that was about...it's like any logic (ie I am in an office, I'm talking to my boss about a personal matter like that and don't care???)...but it felt so unburdened that when I returned home from work, I fell straight to sleep and like woke up the next day in a daze of the mere fact of asking about this girl and if she was okay or like not on vacation or something, like I was on a drug. The level of nerves on these things are real.

In fact, if I see this lady around in the cafeteria, I'm planning to sit a few seats away from her or a table away, flip out my Tablet and watch some music videos from a playlist selection that I have planned for that type of occasion. The reason? The nerves will act up again anyway, but it will enhance the viewing experience of those videos. Those are like derivatives from being nervous...why not have fun with it?

Additionally, when it comes to asking a woman out, I'm prone to getting so nervous I can barely get any words to come out of my mouth at all (and so shaky I could fall over at any second).

Use the peace sign with your hands. You'll look like a cool guy.

What sane woman, even if she's physically attracted to the guy, is going to accept his advances if he's exhibiting these behaviors? It's no wonder the only time an in-person ask out ever worked for me was with that super strange college classmate I mentioned (the one who carried around a blanket and a stuffed animal).

Lets hope she is not too sane then.

As for the gay guys I've gotten attention from, no, none have been coworkers.

Oh, I misunderstood your post then.

There is a gay guy at my office. I would not stand in the same urinal next to him and would go to another area of the washroom of he's inside. He appeared to be close to that lady I talked about above that I was infaturated with (ie which I claimed she was throwing herself on him and made me feel bad, etc...). I have not seen them sitting together as of recent so I'm not sure what happened there. (ie can speculate, but I am not going to ask that). Because of that, I didn't talk or associate much with him, but since I don't see them together, I don't mind talking to him (ie I guess since I'm not feeling bad like before).

 

[Manure Spherian]

Imagine how frustrating it is for a woman who is trying to get the attention of a man she finds attractive hoping he will approach.

Women make it very easy for men they want. Actually it’s women who choose. Men choose from their choosers.

 

[oc16]

Women make it very easy for men they want. Actually it’s women who choose. Men choose from their choosers.

Good point. That's why IOI's are very important.

 

[GoodMan32]

Women make it very easy for men they want. Actually it’s women who choose. Men choose from their choosers.

Well-said. A woman will throw herself at a man she's extremely into.

A man, on the other hand, can approach all the broads in the world. As you pointed out though, he'll only be able to pick from his choosers.

As the old saying goes "A woman bangs who she wants. A man bangs who he can"

 

[oc16]

Well-said. A woman will throw herself at a man she's extremely into.

A man, on the other hand, can approach all the broads in the world. As you pointed out though, he'll only be able to pick from his choosers.

As the old saying goes "A woman bangs who she wants. A man bangs who he can"

But what about Shy women?

 

[Manure Spherian]

As the old saying goes "A woman bangs who she wants. A man bangs who he can"

I never heard that, but I’m appropriating it.

 

[GoodMan32]

But what about Shy women?

A shy woman might not throw herself at a man, no matter how much she's into him.

There are plenty of broads who will throw themselves at a man they're extremely into, however