Initiating female contact as a male gender role is not as bad as it seems

[Hamurabimbi]

I'm on the spectrum.

Here's the analogy I've used before to describe being on the spectrum vs having garden variety social awkwardness:

If you've ever watched Big Bang Theory, Leonard is garden variety socially awkward. When he commits a social blunder, he typically catches himself right away (and is able to laugh it off). It's no wonder Leonard managed to get Penny (a beautiful normal woman) on season 2

Sheldon and Howard, on the other hand, I'm pretty sure are on the spectrum (even though the producers insist no one on the show is on the spectrum). When Sheldon and Howard commit a social blunder, they have no idea they did anything wrong. Before he gets with Bernadette, the girls Howard pursues are genuinely creeped out by him. Sheldon doesn't really pursue anyone, but the outside world in general is repulsed by him.

I’m a bit odd myself. My GF told me; ‘You’re an odd duck.’. An FWB rejected my wanting a relationship saying; ‘You’re far nerdier & weirder than I could have possibly imagined.’. I don’t think I’m on the Spectrum. Rather just very eccentric & narcissistic. I had an unusual childhood & some strange jobs. Including stretches of working completely alone. Which tends to erode one’s social filter.

 

[H8CourtshipWithAPassion]

yeah, i'm sure it will still be this way a full century from now, millenium from now

 

[zekko]

However, at least we are in control and can pick and choose which women we want to talk to.

This is the biggest argument for cold approach IMO. If there's someone you like, you can take your shot with her, you're proactive.

 

[corrector]

This is the biggest argument for cold approach IMO. If there's someone you like, you can take your shot with her, you're proactive.

Yeah, if gay dudes are doing to other guys without knowing if they are straight or not then then we should do that to women, without knowing if the approach will be accepted or not. I mean, if they don't care, then we should not care either and just approach girls too.

 

[zekko]

Yeah, if gay dudes are doing to other guys without knowing if they are straight or not then then we should do that to women, without knowing if the approach will be accepted or not. I mean, if they don't care, then we should not care either and just approach girls too.

That's an interesting thought. Especially in times past, I'm sure it could be very dangerous for gay guys to try to act on their desires. If they approached the wrong guy, it could land them in the hospital, or worse. Approaching a woman holds much less risk, unless maybe she has a violent husband.

 

[GoodMan32]

Yeah, if gay dudes are doing to other guys without knowing if they are straight or not then then we should do that to women, without knowing if the approach will be accepted or not. I mean, if they don't care, then we should not care either and just approach girls too.

I get your point.

Unfortunately, it's viewed (by many a woman at least) as "harassment" to approach a woman without knowing if the approach is wanted.

On the other hand, the typical straight man is unlikely to view it as harassment for a gay man to express interest in him.

As far as I know, there aren't any laws on the books (yet) against a man approaching a woman while unsure if the approach is wanted. In the era of new age feminism, however, I wouldn't be shocked if that law ends up coming (and unfortunately for you, that law will probably come in Canada before it comes in the USA)

 

[corrector]

I get your point.

Unfortunately, it's viewed (by many a woman at least) as "harassment" to approach a woman without knowing if the approach is wanted.

On the other hand, the typical straight man is unlikely to view it as harassment for a gay man to express interest in him.

As far as I know, there aren't any laws on the books (yet) against a man approaching a woman while unsure if the approach is wanted. In the era of new age feminism, however, I wouldn't be shocked if that law ends up coming (and unfortunately for you, that law will probably come in Canada before it comes in the USA)

In terms of your co-workers at work, from what you have said, I do not believe you would get any harassment complaints for any "approach" at work. As you've said, there is no law against an unsolicited approach. If you are a shy type of guy like I am, then there are enough "nerves" barriers to worry about without getting cold-shouldered or getting a lukewarm response from an approach. These gay people were at your job too right?

 

[GoodMan32]

In terms of your co-workers at work, from what you have said, I do not believe you would get any harassment complaints for any "approach" at work. As you've said, there is no law against an unsolicited approach. If you are a shy type of guy like I am, then there are enough "nerves" barriers to worry about without getting cold-shouldered or getting a lukewarm response from an approach. These gay people were at your job too right?

You're damn right, shy men have plenty of nerve barriers (even more-so if the shy man is on the spectrum). I think I've mentioned on this forum that the mere thought of asking a woman out is enough to make my heart start pounding a mile a minute.

Additionally, when it comes to asking a woman out, I'm prone to getting so nervous I can barely get any words to come out of my mouth at all (and so shaky I could fall over at any second).

What sane woman, even if she's physically attracted to the guy, is going to accept his advances if he's exhibiting these behaviors? It's no wonder the only time an in-person ask out ever worked for me was with that super strange college classmate I mentioned (the one who carried around a blanket and a stuffed animal).

As for the gay guys I've gotten attention from, no, none have been coworkers. I used to work near a gay night club. As a result, I ended up crossing paths with a lot of gay guys as they were heading to/coming from the night club (some of which expressed interest in me). One gay guy lives in my building (and some of the gay guys I've gotten attention from have been characters I've run into on a regular basis in my neighborhood, even though they don't live in my building)

 

[corrector]

You're damn right, shy men have plenty of nerve barriers (even more-so if the shy man is on the spectrum). I think I've mentioned on this forum that the mere thought of asking a woman out is enough to make my heart start pounding a mile a minute.

When I was in an elevator alone with that lady my heart went a bit faster. Just asking my boss about the other lady also had my heart beating faster, and then I told my boss to "forget it" when he asked what that was about...it's like any logic (ie I am in an office, I'm talking to my boss about a personal matter like that and don't care???)...but it felt so unburdened that when I returned home from work, I fell straight to sleep and like woke up the next day in a daze of the mere fact of asking about this girl and if she was okay or like not on vacation or something, like I was on a drug. The level of nerves on these things are real.

In fact, if I see this lady around in the cafeteria, I'm planning to sit a few seats away from her or a table away, flip out my Tablet and watch some music videos from a playlist selection that I have planned for that type of occasion. The reason? The nerves will act up again anyway, but it will enhance the viewing experience of those videos. Those are like derivatives from being nervous...why not have fun with it?

Additionally, when it comes to asking a woman out, I'm prone to getting so nervous I can barely get any words to come out of my mouth at all (and so shaky I could fall over at any second).

Use the peace sign with your hands. You'll look like a cool guy.

What sane woman, even if she's physically attracted to the guy, is going to accept his advances if he's exhibiting these behaviors? It's no wonder the only time an in-person ask out ever worked for me was with that super strange college classmate I mentioned (the one who carried around a blanket and a stuffed animal).

Lets hope she is not too sane then.

As for the gay guys I've gotten attention from, no, none have been coworkers.

Oh, I misunderstood your post then.

There is a gay guy at my office. I would not stand in the same urinal next to him and would go to another area of the washroom of he's inside. He appeared to be close to that lady I talked about above that I was infaturated with (ie which I claimed she was throwing herself on him and made me feel bad, etc...). I have not seen them sitting together as of recent so I'm not sure what happened there. (ie can speculate, but I am not going to ask that). Because of that, I didn't talk or associate much with him, but since I don't see them together, I don't mind talking to him (ie I guess since I'm not feeling bad like before).

 

[Manure Spherian]

Imagine how frustrating it is for a woman who is trying to get the attention of a man she finds attractive hoping he will approach.

Women make it very easy for men they want. Actually it’s women who choose. Men choose from their choosers.

 

[oc16]

Women make it very easy for men they want. Actually it’s women who choose. Men choose from their choosers.

Good point. That's why IOI's are very important.

 

[GoodMan32]

Women make it very easy for men they want. Actually it’s women who choose. Men choose from their choosers.

Well-said. A woman will throw herself at a man she's extremely into.

A man, on the other hand, can approach all the broads in the world. As you pointed out though, he'll only be able to pick from his choosers.

As the old saying goes "A woman bangs who she wants. A man bangs who he can"

 

[oc16]

Well-said. A woman will throw herself at a man she's extremely into.

A man, on the other hand, can approach all the broads in the world. As you pointed out though, he'll only be able to pick from his choosers.

As the old saying goes "A woman bangs who she wants. A man bangs who he can"

But what about Shy women?

 

[Manure Spherian]

As the old saying goes "A woman bangs who she wants. A man bangs who he can"

I never heard that, but I’m appropriating it.

 

[GoodMan32]

But what about Shy women?

A shy woman might not throw herself at a man, no matter how much she's into him.

There are plenty of broads who will throw themselves at a man they're extremely into, however

 

[H8CourtshipWithAPassion]

the game isn't fair, never has been and never will be, hence why its like this and probably always will be.

 

[BaronOfHair]

I think I've mentioned on this forum that the mere thought of asking a woman out is enough to make my heart start pounding a mile a minute.

Additionally, when it comes to asking a woman out, I'm prone to getting so nervous I can barely get any words to come out of my mo

What sane woman, even if she's physically attracted to the guy, is going to accept his advances if he's exhibiting these behaviors? It's no wonder the only time an in-person ask out ever worked for me was with that super strange college classmate I mentioned (the one who carried around a blanket and a stuffed animal).

As for the gay guys I've gotten attention from, no, none have been coworkers. I used to work near a gay night club. As a result, I ended up crossing paths with a lot of gay guys as they were heading to/coming from the night club (some of which expressed interest in me). One gay guy lives in my building (and some of the gay guys I've gotten attention from have been characters I've run into on a regular basis in my neighborhood, even though they don't live in my building)

Alot of us men complain that it stinks that the man has to initiate everything (e.g. the approach, setting up the date, etc.)

However, at least we are in control and can pick and choose which women we want to talk to.

Imagine how frustrating it is for a woman who is trying to get the attention of a man she finds attractive hoping he will approach. Not to mention, getting approached by men who you gave zero IOI's to.

"Did he not notice that I gave him a slight smile as I walked by? Maybe I should of smiled bigger? Maybe I should of looked over more? Maybe I should of locked eyes with him longer, etc. etc. Of course, woman can approach men and initiate contact, but very few women will and frankly I think most men are turned off by it.

Women might have it easier in the amount of attention they get from the opposite sex, but at least we are in control of who we want to approach.

As we've discussed elsewhere on this forum: Even women have to learn the nuances of attraction. We're kidding ourselves if we believe Sydney Sweeney became The It Girl of The 2020s by sheer luck alone Vs Putting copious efforts into activities like keeping her body fit enough to look like this https://www.themirror.com/entertainment/celebrity-news/sydney-sweeney-bikini-body-thong-530463.amp , even when she's not on set. And learning everything she can about sharpening her appeal and charisma, so as to stand out from the other billion starlets she's competing with

We humans(regardless of gender) have a decision to make, each and every day we're alive:

-Set viable and pragmatically achievable goals, craft viable strategies for achieving said goals, then executing those strategies

-Take what APPEARS, at first glance, to be the easy route: Binge watch sh-tloads of YouTube, play lots of Fortnite, live off Twinkies, and grouse over how life SHOULD operate

 

[GoodMan32]

As we've discussed elsewhere on this forum: Even women have to learn the nuances of attraction. We're kidding ourselves if we believe Sydney Sweeney became The It Girl of The 2020s by sheer luck alone Vs Putting copious efforts into activities like keeping her body fit enough to look like this https://www.themirror.com/entertainment/celebrity-news/sydney-sweeney-bikini-body-thong-530463.amp , even when she's not on set. And learning everything she can about sharpening her appeal and charisma, so as to stand out from the other billion starlets she's competing with

We humans(regardless of gender) have a decision to make, each and every day we're alive:

-Set viable and pragmatically achievable goals, craft viable strategies for achieving said goals, then executing those strategies

-Take what APPEARS, at first glance, to be the easy route: Binge watch sh-tloads of YouTube, play lots of Fortnite, live off Twinkies, and grouse over how life SHOULD operate

It's one thing for a man to overcome garden variety nervousness.

But for a man to be as extreme as me (heart pounding a mile a minute, so choked up I can barely speak, so shaky I could fall over at any second), what hope is there of fixing that?

 

[BaronOfHair]

But for a man to be as extreme as me (heart pounding a mile a minute, so choked up I can barely speak, so shaky I could fall over at any second), what hope is there of fixing that?

Quite a lot, if you start listening to that audiobook

, and applying what you've learned, rather than desperately concocting rationalizations for going on the way you have. I don't pretend that this will be easy, nonetheless the way forward is really quite simple

 

[corrector]

But for a man to be as extreme as me (heart pounding a mile a minute, so choked up I can barely speak, so shaky I could fall over at any second), what hope is there of fixing that?

You don't just have to deal with your crush. Try someone you are not infatuated with.