I don't know whether to laugh or cry.....

[STR8UP]

I think what STR8UP is trying to get at is that he doesn't want to live in a world where he can't trust who he's sleeping next to.

DING DING DING! We have a WINNER!

It sucks being honest, loyal, and trustworthy when it's never reciprocated.

 

[jophil28]

I live downtown.

Plus, I work 6-7 days a week sometimes until 9pm. Not many things to do besides hang out and eat/ drink after that time unfortunately. So it's not the PEOPLE, trust me.

If it is not the people then WHO is it ? That just leaves YOU ???.
YOur posts are becoming more eccentric, contradictory and irrational lately. YOu need a break man.You are running on fumes. Every little thing is getting to you.

Take a real holiday -a real vacation. IF that is not possible then you need to throttle back NOW and take some time out before you reach the crash zone...

 

[Luthor Rex]

I look at it another way. I think that's why women are the way they are now. N o one is putting any expectations on them.Women will openly behave to the minimum of expectations and deceptively behave to a somewhat lower level of behavior. I expect everything that I deem adequate and necessary in and from a woman. I just don't have much faith in any women delivering on those expectations. That's the crux of the matter and I agree with Str8up, that there's just not very many women of quality.

I think there is a serious difference between accepting the world for the way it is, and passively laying down and taking whatever beating you get.

Unfortunately the English language isn't very good at making that distinction. So while I may accept the fact I must die, I don't have to die complaining about it, and at the same time I don't have to be all goth / emo-boy about it and just lay down and die.

I accept that most women / people are sh!theads. So when I meet someone who is actually a 'good' person I will be sure to appreciate them even more. Just as the acceptance of death, and 'keeping death before me', makes me appreciate life more.

So while I accept that the world is full of sh!theads, I will not passively accept bad behavior from them and crack heads with my baseball bat when I feel I must.

:trouble:

I understand where both sides of the argument are coming from on this: in a larger way STR8UP is arguing "we should not be passive and accept an un-just world", where others are saying "we must accept what we cannot change". Both are on point, but I suspect that to STR8UP the 'accept what we cannot change' advise sounds more like 'lay down and die'.

So don't let sh!t get to you AND work for justice.

:cheer:

 

[STR8UP]

To Alias guy -- how would you act and feel towards Carlos the pool guy who has been fukking your wife behind your back?
Would you NOT hold him somewhat responsible for taking advantge of an opportunity which was not his to take. Would you toss him a beer, high-five him and say ," Yo,Carlos ".. I don't think so ..

I wouldn't be offering him a beer, but at the same time my beef has nothing to do with him.

 

[aliasguy]

I agree that a married woman who cheats is at the bottom of the barrel - AND it is also true that the guy who bangs her is right down on the bottom of the same barrel.

To Alias guy -- how would you act and feel towards Carlos the pool guy who has been fukking your wife behind your back?
Would you NOT hold him somewhat responsible for taking advantge of an opportunity which was not his to take. Would you toss him a beer, high-five him and say ," Yo,Carlos ".. I don't think so ..

We've already done this debate before, Jophil.

No, I wouldn't "like" him for "taking advantage." But that would only be because it was MY woman he was doing. I would feel no need to confront, reprimand, challenge, or fight him. I'm not gonna buy him a beer, but I would say that some on this forum WOULD thank him (likely in absentia) for helping to reveal the wife's "true colors."

A man has to know who to be mad at in these situations, and it AIN'T "Carlos." It's the WIFE.

Carlos isn't the cause of the problem. It's the WIFE, or, in some posters' view, the HUSBAND.

Just because your INSTINCTS tell you to go into an adrenergic surge and attack your "rival," doesn't always mean that you SHOULD.

I've been down this road before, man, and I know what I'm talking about. Your knee-jerk, emotionally driven thought process regarding women's infidelity is understandable, but it's also WRONG.

 

[STR8UP]

I've been down this road before, man, and I know what I'm talking about. Your knee-jerk, emotionally driven thought process regarding women's infidelity is understandable, but it's also WRONG.

Maybe in a closer knit, more traditional society beating down the other guy might serve a purpose to establish your rank in the heirarchy and possibly send a message to other women as well, but in today's society it serves no purpose. It's simply misdirected anger.

 

[aliasguy]

Hey, STR8UP-------


THIS thread illustrates why I just DID NOT understand your assertion that "most" women only f*ck one guy.

You bemoan the things you see, and wonder aloud to us how much more must be going on that you DON'T see.

Yet, just recently, in another thread, you WANTED to believe that women want ONE guy.

Things are getting clearer, no?


Open your eyes, accept, and don't be pissed off about REALITY.

 

[Luthor Rex]

STR8UP do you know what your IQ is?

I'm not being flippant, really. Your posts remind me of things I've read about gifted children. If you were a gifted child, being gifted doesn't end in childhood and carriers over into adulthood.

The reason I bring this up is because the gifted don't experience the world the way 'normal' people do, and that honestly is an understatement. Unfortunately this can often lead the gifted to not only feel like they are marching to the 'beat of a different drummer' but to wonder if their drummer is insane.

If you are gifted, then this 'meltdown' you are experiencing right now isn't actually a problem, it's normal for the gifted (though it would be abnormal if you are 'normal'). It's called "positive disintegration", and it's kind of like the 'creative destruction' of capitalism.

There's very little data on gifted adults, but you seem intelligent and it seems you can perceive the 'web' of interactions between people and ideas that others on this thread are missing. You are also seeing the long range implications of the patters you've noticed in people like this cheating woman. Most people can't see that system.

Maybe I'm wrong, but a google search can't hurt you, right?

Creativity. The thought processes of the gifted differ from those of average intelligence: they are more global in nature and with a strong capacity for imagination. Averagely intelligent people can often not follow their train of thought. They can identify patterns quickly, so that they can, for example, predict trends successfully. They can often draw conclusions intuitively11. This creativity is often frustrated by the regular education system.

http://www.sengifted.org/articles_adults/Nauta_GiftedAdultsInWork.shtml

http://www.dukegiftedletter.com/articles/vol3no3_article.html

 

[aliasguy]

Luthor Rex---


I briefly looked over Dabrowski's ideas. Interesting.

Thanks for posting this. I will read more.

(But I'm not especially gifted --- maybe STR8UP will benefit more.)

 

[jophil28]

\. Your knee-jerk, emotionally driven thought process regarding women's infidelity is understandable, but it's also WRONG.

HEy Alias - where did I express any "emotionally driven thought process" - You are forcing into my post something that I did not write.

Also I NEVER EVER suggested that a physical confrontation with the pool guy(or whomever) is the answer or even jusrified- once again you invented this scenario and ascribed it to me as did STR8uP .YOu both reacted to words that I did not write . YOu both ASSUMED that because I also hold the single guy responsible that I would feel justified in beating him up. PLease READ my post and reply to why I said NOT what you imagined that I might mean.
Better stiil, don't bother to reply because we will never share ground on this issue.

Sheesh !!

And now back to our regular program -

 

[STR8UP]

Hey, STR8UP-------


THIS thread illustrates why I just DID NOT understand your assertion that "most" women only f*ck one guy.

You bemoan the things you see, and wonder aloud to us how much more must be going on that you DON'T see.

Yet, just recently, in another thread, you WANTED to believe that women want ONE guy.

Things are getting clearer, no?


Open your eyes, accept, and don't be pissed off about REALITY.

My writing style must need some improvement, because it seems that my ideas are being taken the wrong way.

The other thread was about women's TENDENCY to WANT to have sex with only one man.

My guess is that if the chick from last night was out on New Years all up on her b/f, her husband isn't getting the same level of sexual intimacy as the b/f. I have no way to confirm this of course, but I based my theory on personal experience and observation. Usually when your girl starts having se with someone else there is a noticeable transition.

 

[aliasguy]

HEy Alias - where did I express any "emotionally driven thought process" - You are forcing into my post something that I did not write.

Also I NEVER EVER suggested that a physical confrontation with the pool guy(or whomever) is the answer or even jusrified- once again you invented this scenario and ascribed it to me as did STR8uP .YOu both reacted to words that I did not write . YOu both ASSUMED that because I also hold the single guy respobsible that I would feel justified in beating him up. PLease READ my post and reply to why I said NOT what you imagined that I might mean.

Sheesh !!

And now back to our regular program -

Ok, dude, I apologize. I assumed you would be EMOTIONALLY hostile to "Carlos," based on how you worded your post. My bad.

In your post, you asked how I would respond to "Carlos" f*cking my wife.

I responded as best I could. I still maintain that I would be more upset with HER than HIM. (In fact, I indicated that HE isn't the problem --- she or I were.)


You wanted to know if I would give him a beer. I answered that. You wanted to know how I would "feel" about it all. I answered. I thought YOUR post indicated an immature attitude about the issue. Perhaps I was wrong in saying you were overly emotional. It seemed that way to me. I apologize if I was wrong, and that, in that case, you would NOT be angry with "Carlos," but it sure seemed like you were wanting ME to say that I WOULD be unhappy with him, if the scenario you described came to pass.

I guess what I would ask you in response is: What would YOU do or say to "Carlos,"?, and how would YOU handle your woman if in the same position you set for ME.


I've been clear, and honest about my feelings about these situations.

How 'bout you tell us how YOU would handle the "Carlos" scenario," Jophil?

 

[aliasguy]

My writing style must need some improvement, because it seems that my ideas are being taken the wrong way.

The other thread was about women's TENDENCY to WANT to have sex with only one man.

My guess is that if the chick from last night was out on New Years all up on her b/f, her husband isn't getting the same level of sexual intimacy as the b/f. I have no way to confirm this of course, but I based my theory on personal experience and observation. Usually when your girl starts having se with someone else there is a noticeable transition.

I see what you mean. But, i think it's a mistake to think that if your woman is f*cking around, that you are going to see a "noticeable transition." They are pretty good at NOT doing that. That chick you met NYE ---- her husband likely has NO idea what the hell is going on. I STILL don't know why you believe otherwise. WHY are you SO SURE that when a woman starts fooling around, that her other guy can TELL? WHY do you think she will "cut him off" or "transition" in some way? Do women telegraph "cheating" so well? Why aren't ALL cuckholds right on top of it? A woman cuts off hubby -- he should start looking around, right? Why do you think that they can only f*ck one man? I just haven't SEEN this. And, based on this thread, YOU SEE WHAT I SEE.

Look at the lists of "signs" of infidelity. Really, look them UP. An INCREASE in sexual activity is ONE OF THE "signs."


WHY do you insist that this is "one man" thing is TRUE???? That a woman only wants to f*ck one man? The women who I've run around with have only RARELY said that they backed off their husbands/boyfriends.


I'm not CERTAIN about this, but OPEN YOUR EYES, man.

 

[STR8UP]

STR8UP do you know what your IQ is?

I'm not being flippant, really. Your posts remind me of things I've read about gifted children. If you were a gifted child, being gifted doesn't end in childhood and carriers over into adulthood.

The reason I bring this up is because the gifted don't experience the world the way 'normal' people do, and that honestly is an understatement. Unfortunately this can often lead the gifted to not only feel like they are marching to the 'beat of a different drummer' but to wonder if their drummer is insane.

If you are gifted, then this 'meltdown' you are experiencing right now isn't actually a problem, it's normal for the gifted (though it would be abnormal if you are 'normal'). It's called "positive disintegration", and it's kind of like the 'creative destruction' of capitalism.

There's very little data on gifted adults, but you seem intelligent and it seems you can perceive the 'web' of interactions between people and ideas that others on this thread are missing. You are also seeing the long range implications of the patters you've noticed in people like this cheating woman. Most people can't see that system.

Maybe I'm wrong, but a google search can't hurt you, right?



http://www.sengifted.org/articles_adults/Nauta_GiftedAdultsInWork.shtml

http://www.dukegiftedletter.com/articles/vol3no3_article.html

Hmmmmm....

Gifted? Yea, I guess. They wanted to put me in the gifted program in elementary school. Don't know why that didn't happen. Scored honors level on all of my college placement exams (except math).

The funny thing is, reading the first link hit home because I can relate to a lot of the things in the article, such as:

High sensitivity. A higher development potential often is accompanied by high sensitivity7. This high sensitivity manifests itself in different areas: psychomotoric, sensorial, intellectual, imaginative, emotional,7 and can resemble ADHD.

I recent;y asked my doctor about the possibility that I might have ADD due to the fact that I find it difficult to focus on a task to completion am often bored soon after i start something.

Over-stimulation of the senses manifests itself auditively (machines, radios, smacking lips), visually (light sources) or sense of touch (certain fabrics, labels in clothing, or touching). Currently, there is a high level of interest being shown in high sensitivity in general8.

I have a sensitivity to touch with certain things such as photo paper for an inkjet printer. I can't find anyine else who has the same sensitivity.

Introversion. The internal world of the gifted is particularly well-developed. They are quickly and easily hurt, which is why they tend to keep people at a distance. Some avoid parties and suchlike since the topics of conversation do not interest them. This can resemble autism9. Introversion can also arise through having the feeling of being rejected. People with high IQs would seem to have difficulty meeting like-minded people, which can quickly lead them to become isolated10.

Quickly and easily hurt? I've gotten better about that, but not to the point I would like to be.

I often tend to avoid social conversation because I see most of it as extremely uninteresting.

Emotional development. Many gifted individuals feel emotions strongly. But because cognitive thinking dominates and provides safety, emotional development remains relatively underdeveloped. They have difficulty in linking feelings and reason. This can be reinforced when an individual has felt lonely from a young age. For example, when the environment does not acknowledge or recognize the child as being gifted. Fortunately, the emotional development of many gifted individuals has progressed well.

Yea, I tend to feel emotions strongly. i hate that sh!t. Almost feel like a chick sometimes.

Creativity. The thought processes of the gifted differ from those of average intelligence: they are more global in nature and with a strong capacity for imagination. Averagely intelligent people can often not follow their train of thought. They can identify patterns quickly, so that they can, for example, predict trends successfully. They can often draw conclusions intuitively11. This creativity is often frustrated by the regular education system.

I often get frustrated that people don't see some of the things that I see. And 9 times out of 10 I am right. I want to ring people's necks sometimes because I can see an outcome fairly clearly that they are unable to see. I think I might have developed my extremely persuasive personality to try to compensate for this.

Independence. The forming of judgments and opinions often takes place autonomously. They are non-conformist and therefore display what teachers easily label as ‘inappropriate behavior’11. This independence accompanies the creativity mentioned above. They often have an aversion to non-democratic authority12.

Check, check, check.

Perfectionism. Perfectionism is often accompanied by having too high expectations of others, but also with shame, guilt feelings and feelings of inferiority through not being able to meet their own high expectations 9,13. This leads to tension and occasionally ‘paralysis’.

Is this thread evidence of this or what?

Learning style. The learning style of the gifted is often exploratory. They have an extreme dislike of learning lists, they find it uninteresting and become bored12. Often, they do not understand the teacher’s questions or the questions in the text books, because they are looking for things that aren’t there. This leads to frustration. Some gifted adults lack basic knowledge but have a lot of knowledge in areas that they are interested in. They often fail to develop learning strategies because they never learn from their failures9.

I have to learn by "doing". Book work and memorization bores the sh!t out of me. I do learn from my failures very well, however.

Fear of failure and under-performing. If their intelligence is not stimulated, children often develop bad working habits14. They sometimes think that they are stupid, become afraid of failure and start under-performing9. Their motivation to learn decreases. This can result later in frustrations and disappointments in their career.

I have suffered from fear of failure and under performing quite a bit in the past, but that has gotten better over the years.

Funny, I could have paid a dozen doctors thousands of dollars and not been able to reach close to the level of self discovery I just got from an internet message board.

Thanks man, I'm going to look into this a little more.

 

[STR8UP]

WHY do you think she will "cut him off" or "transition" in some way? Do women telegraph "cheating" so well? Why aren't ALL cuckholds right on top of it? A woman cuts off hubby -- he should start looking around, right? Why do you think that they can only f*ck one man? I just haven't SEEN this. And, based on this thread, YOU SEE WHAT I SEE.

It's called denial. I've suffered from it many times in the past myself.

I still hold firm to my belief that most of the time there is a shift, and most of the time it's in the form of the woman decreasing the supply of sexual intimacy with the primary partner, hence the saying "If you aren't getting it, someone else is".

 

[aliasguy]

Yes, that happens SOMETIMES. But not ALL the time.

DAMN, STR8UP, I'm getting frustrated. I like you, but you are being elusive in your answers.

Do you think every/most woman who f*cks around cuts off hubby or BF?

REALLY????????


WHY Do U BELIEVE THIS ????


WHY??????

 

[STR8UP]

I believe that a "normal" woman lacks the capacity to separate sex from emotion to the same level that a man is able. In other words, unless she has some kind of sexual "issues" or if she is somewhat masculine, this inability to separate the two will usually manifest itself in one form or another which will result in a shift in behavior.

Like I said, just my personal experience and observation.

 

[aliasguy]

ok, man. I understand. We disagree on this particular point. That's ok.

I'm still on your side in all this.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

I think I may have a different take on this. There's a certain hopelessness that comes from seeing things we want to believe should be true proven to be false or by degrees, far more rare than we think they are. When I first read the OP I ran down a mental list of how most of the responders would take this situation and pretty much this has been the script. It's the BF, Wife's, Husband's fault. It's the way society has become's fault. It's the crowd STR8UP keep's fault. It's the "can't find a 'Quality Woman' fault, etc. etc. But STR8 isn't looking for answers - he already knows them. It's not a solution he's looking for, or the root causes, or the things he should do to avoid a similar predicament; it's about dread, it's about confronting nihilism.

I know, because I do it daily. It's like watching a slasher movie. You know the killer is in the house, you know he's going to slit the poor victim's throat. The power's out. She enters the house. You think, "no, no, just leave, get out of there, can't you see he's behind the door?!" And, true to script, she keeps going, the killer surprises her, and slashes her throat. It's scary the first few times, but after the 10th, 20th, 30th time? It's predictable. It's boring. Oh, you know you'll never be the hapless victim of course, but your best friend? He hasn't seen the movie yet. The guy in the cubicle next to you, arguing with his fianceé? It's a brand feature film for him.

I know a particular AFC who's is deep in the bowels of the Matrix. The guy revells in his AFCness. He'll never understand what STR8 or myself or the better portion of SS members know is happening to him. The guy was abandoned by his ex for every reason an AFC is dumped. She moved on, is in a great, healthy relationship with a DJ who knows how to take care of business. He's not a player, but he is a Man and she can't stop thinking about him. The AFC, in spite of all this, and over a year and a half later, he still tries to rekindle what he had. He is completely oblivious to the circumstances she's in and he himself is in. And the only one who can appreciate the full scope of what he's going through, the only one with a birds-eye view of their conditions? That'd be me.

That may sound conceited, shallow or presumptuous, but he's not the first guy, and she's not the first girl I've seen do EXACTLY THE SAME THING. It's to the point where it's boring, it's predictable, it's typical. And with that comes the veritable certainty that anything I could say, from the most honest part of my being to help him or any AFC will be by-passed with a disregard that can only come from an ego-invested chump or a self-absorbed girl.

STR8UP, I think you're experiencing what I call the "why do I bother?" blues. I do this all the time and particularly here at SS. I was in one of my moods when I started the "What you're up against" thread a while back. The surest way to experience this abject hopelessness is to go over to Love Shack.org. A lot of people PM me asking about the book I've written, and I am in the process of shopping it now, but I've delayed it more than once due excatly to this nihilism. I think "what's the point, no one will receive it." Oh, people will pat me on the back and say "right on man, I've always thought this stuff but you put it into words", but I know damn well they'd go right back to living in the Matrix.

It's nihilism. It's not the situation itself, it's the powerlessness of having to be a passive observer of the whole thing knowing that neither party would ever fully appreciate your effort to help them.

 

[wjh]

A lot of people PM me asking about the book I've written, and I am in the process of shopping it now, but I've delayed it more than once due excatly to this nihilism. I think "what's the point, no one will receive it." Oh, people will pat me on the back and say "right on man, I've always thought this stuff but you put it into words", but I know damn well they'd go right back to living in the Matrix.

Finish your damn book Rollo or I'll physically slap you out of your nihilism

Edit: Yes this is a threat and I hope it is perceived as so.