I’m in deep

[Divorced w 3]

Imagine changing this much for a person during a relationship. They should have already been behaving that way beforehand.

Imagine finding something that you think is so good in your life that you consider facing yourself and step out of your comfort zone in order to grow?

 

[member162951]

You forgot about the part where I asked the 24 year old lesbian from the office for a threesome with her girlfriend.

Missed that one! It's good you're owning this shyt and your role, like you said facing yourself, getting honest with yourself, growing, evolving.

I think that's important.

 

[soulforge]

I'm getting the impression that you have a habit of overeacting to situations.

Emotional instability. Impulsive reactions, and we have seen evidence of this already in another thread, the lengths you will go to, when you go into your sensetive emotional state.

Your meant be the rock, leader of the relationship. She should be operating under your frame.

Which begs the question.. Why all this negotiating & hours and hours of phone conversations..

She is either a woman of value.. Or back to the streets she shall go.

The mental gymnastics here is incredible.

 

[soulforge]

Imagine finding something that you think is so good in your life that you consider facing yourself and step out of your comfort zone in order to grow?

The fact that you think it's sooooo good, is worrying.

In your mind it's sooooo good... In her mind, her 30 other options are also likely good.

 

[Divorced w 3]

The fact that you think it's sooooo good, is worrying.

In your mind it's sooooo good... In her mind, her 30 other options are also likely good.

I’m talking about my children.

Nobody will procreate with you, which is why you sent me an unsolicited DM in June asking why I was replying at the time to your thread about a drunk girl that you brought home and still wouldn’t fvck you, so this is not a topic that is going to resonate for you right now.

You’re still holding onto last night? Keep spamming my thread, and keep telling me how sensitive I am.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

The fact that you think it's sooooo good, is worrying.

In your mind it's sooooo good... In her mind, her 30 other options are also likely good.

Given the latest update from @Divorced w 3 made it would seem that his girl is doing and saying the right things.

While it’s a great tradition of SS for men to tell each other their women are sloots - it’s not a particularly healthy way to contribute to a thread.

 

[soulforge]

Given the latest update from @Divorced w 3 made it would seem that his girl is doing and saying the right things.

While it’s a great tradition of SS for men to tell each other their women are sloots - it’s not a particularly healthy way to contribute to a thread.

It is what it is.. I see alot of negotiationg going on back and forth.

I mean I hope it works out for op.. but honestly I don't remember a time when I stayed on a phone call 5 hours, trying to keep things afloat with a chick.

Let's just see how this plays out..

 

[BackInTheGame78]

You’re absolutely correct. But it was a big help to me in an insanely difficult situation.

The point is, if she loves you as much as she claims, she would have been just as happy if you spent $50 a month.

 

[soulforge]

The point is, if she loves you as much as she claims, she would have been just as happy if you spent $50 a month.

Facts. I mean I don't ever recall spending lots of money on chicks.

The most genuine relationships I ever had with girls, are the ones where they are just happy to be in my company.

I never felt any pressure to spend much on them. Neither would I volunteraly spend alot on them, until I really really got to know her, and felt she was a solid Long term investment.

 

[Divorced w 3]

The point is, if she loves you as much as she claims, she would have been just as happy if you spent $50 a month.

I don’t feel pressure to do that, I wanted to travel, and I enjoyed her company, and it started dawning on me that I was putting a bad set of habits in place. I mentioned this to her the other night. When the kids are gone tomorrow I’m going to make some 3-5 year projections on my net worth and see what happens.

 

[Divorced w 3]

Facts. I mean I don't ever recall spending lots of money on chicks.

The most genuine relationships I ever had with girls, are the ones where they are just happy to be in my company.

I never felt any pressure to spend much on them. Neither would I volunteraly spend alot on them, until I really really got to know her, and felt she was a solid Long term investment.

Respectfully, have a nasty, public, muddy divorce and see if you don’t enjoy the diversion and excitement and positive attitude. Im not saying it made financial sense. The best thing I did was start reading Ryan Holliday. I wish I got it two years ago.

 

[natureminded]

Going through a divorce is one of the most traumatic and awful things. I’m amidst it now. I wouldn’t recommend it on anyone. The decisions we make during these times for survival, is so hard. It’s so easy from the outside without the emotion. It’s so hard when you’re in it and your whole world is falling down…

Wishing you success however it pans out man. I still believe relationships can be messy, human beings are apes after all, we aren’t all-wise beings, we’re foolish, faulted, stupid animals that are barely able to push the coins forward another day of evolutionary time (lol sorry). A chick that will fight for you does mean something. A woman willing to change and fight for you is a good sign IMHO.

 

[soulforge]

Going through a divorce is one of the most traumatic and awful things. I’m amidst it now. I wouldn’t recommend it on anyone. The decisions we make during these times for survival, is so hard. It’s so easy from the outside without the emotion. It’s so hard when you’re in it and your whole world is falling down…

Wishing you success however it pans out man. I still believe relationships can be messy, human beings are apes after all, we aren’t all-wise beings, we’re foolish, faulted, stupid animals that are barely able to push the coins forward another day of evolutionary time (lol sorry). A chick that will fight for you does mean something. A woman willing to change and fight for you is a good sign IMHO.

Yeh Man.. Divorce is devastating.

It's crazy how men rush into marriage,. ignore the red flags and get destroyed 2-3 years down the line.

 

[Divorced w 3]

Going through a divorce is one of the most traumatic and awful things. I’m amidst it now. I wouldn’t recommend it on anyone. The decisions we make during these times for survival, is so hard. It’s so easy from the outside without the emotion. It’s so hard when you’re in it and your whole world is falling down…

Wishing you success however it pans out man. I still believe relationships can be messy, human beings are apes after all, we aren’t all-wise beings, we’re foolish, faulted, stupid animals that are barely able to push the coins forward another day of evolutionary time (lol sorry). A chick that will fight for you does mean something. A woman willing to change and fight for you is a good sign IMHO.

Hang in there, read the book by Holliday “the obstacle is the way”. Turn tragedy into triumph.

 

[soulforge]

Hang in there, read the book by Holliday “the obstacle is the way”. Turn tragedy into triumph.

Or you could leave her if things are so hectic already. I mean in the long run it's likely your going hit another obstacle.

Don't let Scarcity mindset to sink in.. I mean it's alot of drama so far.

It's your decision end of day, but I sense scarcity. A fresh start with a new girl might be the better option for you

 

[BackInTheGame78]

@Divorced w 3

Every long term relationship/marriage has conflicts, that's a given. The important thing is that both people have the desire and capability of resolving them together. Which you and your girl are doing.

And good on her for getting rid of SM, that's huge and indicates you and your relationship are more important than SM. That proves her investment right there. She can find other ways of keeping in touch with family and friends, sharing pics etc like regular ole e-mail or text.

Are you going to get rid of your SM as well?

My mom once told me that a successful committed relationship involves two people giving up a little bit of themselves for the other.

She's told you what she plans to do. What about you? Are you going to stop allowing chicks to grind your leg at clubs, making out with random chicks, think about spinning plates in order to hold frame? It takes TWO.

Are you IN or OUT? That's what you need to decide.

When someone jumps from a divorce directly into anothee serious relationship without taking anytime to work on issues they need to stemming from the divorce or that may have played a part in causing the divorce, those typically don't work out well. I've actually never seen one work long term.

It's typically a diversion to having to deal with the reality of their life and having to do the work on themself, which some people never really do. This cannot be done while in a relationship, it needs to be done on your own, by yourself.

When it stops being a positive diversion and stops being fun and real issues start popping up, these usually evaporate like a puff old smoke because the foundation was never set strongly, it was built on a house of cards.

If OP decides to continue I hope he proves me wrong, but I doubt he will.

 

[Divorced w 3]

Or you could leave her if things are so hectic already. I mean in the long run it's likely your going hit another obstacle.

Don't let Scarcity mindset to sink in.. I mean it's alot of drama so far.

It's your decision end of day, but I sense scarcity. A fresh start with a new girl might be the better option for you

There’s more nuance to good decision making than simply cutting something out. Cutting out is a finite option. The situation is being examined and by extension is forcing me to expand the process to other areas of my life: family, finances, job, lodging, relationships in my life. It’s all about what you make of it.

 

[Divorced w 3]

Your meant be the rock, leader of the relationship. She should be operating under your frame.

Something we can both agree on.

 

[tightgrp]

I would love to have a better pulse on it but it goes something like this:

We met because she approached me at a bar. I took her out a few times and when we hooked up for the first time she was super comfortable and confident in who she was and what she was doing, both in what she was saying and also without having to say so, and so my gut instinct was I had someone in front of me with plenty of experience. I was going to just keep hooking up but she really got ahold of me and I took a real liking to her. She hadn’t had a real boyfriend in four years, at age 33. In my first month having spent the majority of my free time with her, she asked to be exclusive and then within a minute or two took a text message from an old fling from 2ish years prior / college friend, who was asking for dinner ideas for his girlfriend in the city. They were regularly communicating prior to my meeting, despite not being in contact during the course of his marriage, which ended, and then they hooked up. She receives a text from every let’s say 3-4 months, which she stopped telling me about because she did not want me to get aggravated, but being with her I saw pop up. Most recently in the fall for her birthday, which she said thank you to and then attempted to tell me she didn’t until I said it would be out of character and she eventually admitted she did. There was the wedding incident but also my lead up, and she all but admitted that part of my being there was for the Instagram photo, which she was checking constantly during the night after she posted it and was commenting that it got second most likes to when she ran the marathon . There is an Instagram that I do not feel comfortable tagging her in with photos of my kids because of her prior life. She deleted something like 85 followers, some of them early college age students, that at one point she recently taught. However, on scrutiny I noticed that she allowed some guys to follow her because they have open profiles and she does not, one of which is likely an old flame that liked a photo when she went out west, and he happens to be half an hour north of that city. That trip was a few weeks after asking for exclusivity and there was one night where she stayed out pretty late and she got really weird and quiet on the phone when a few people were in the lobby when she was getting ready to go out. I know she has made comments over the course of the relationship to her friend who is dating a single dad but his relationship with his kids is nowhere as solid as me with mine. Her friends for the large part are party girls. She’s very comfortable with my picking up the check and I have spent a boatload of cash this year , probably 30k, in intangible related to this relationship. That said this relationship was a major diversion for me in a major period of stress.

positives: when together we have a lot of fun. I love the attention which she gives me plenty of. We screw like rabbits. We have fun and are very natural with each other. She is absolutely great with the kids who love her. Families like the significant others. There’s more but hopefully this gets you going. She’s here now and has been here since before the holidays.

 

[Divorced w 3]

We spoke last night, similar tone, she goes ‘ that it’s ’nothing in the world we can’t overcome’ and some thoughts on her end about how to communicate better, including knowing ‘harder/teigger’ topics to be a little extra sensitive around. I do appreciate the effort. She tried to lay it on hard about my not being with her and starting the year at new years, but I need to sit here and think and put stuff on paper and figure out a lot of things in my life, this being one. She is going with her brother anyway. She’ll survive.

I told her that I had honestly not a lot of time to think, today is the chance to do it with my kids going back, and that being here has given me the opportunity to focus on being with the kids and I really enjoy and miss it. This is the longest stretch I have had them in two years and it’s wonderful. They’re in a tub now and I’m blasting Disney tunes on my phone.

The distance is not making me any colder or anything like that, I actually feel relieved with the professional year starting on Tuesday I want a plan in place before then. I started this two weeks ago and I was incredibly cathartic. I opened like 300 pieces of mail and built out a spreadsheet over two days of financial info, cash flow and expectations of where the income can go. I want to build on that as it’ll give me perspective from which to really see everything I need to decide on.

I’ve also been eating gummies like crazy the last 3 nights, so that’s been great lol. Watched Chasing Amy (red bank Nj!!) Been a while.

she texted this morning : morning, I love you, have a great day with the kids. I wrote her back ‘I love you too have fun ‘