It's good you are taking a step back to give things some thought. Whatever way you decide to go, I want the best for you, truly, whether or not you stay with her.
One thing I've noticed you have mentioned in several posts is your cashflow/income from the business in relation to her.
Is there a reason this plays any part in your decision with her? Just curious more than anything.
But a few questions to ponder.
Do you think this woman would stay with you if your business dried up and crashed and you had to struggle for a period of time?
Has she shown signs she is "only there for the good times" and will be gone like a ghost in the night when tough times come?
What about a serious medical condition for you or someone in your family? Would she stay and stick it out or be gone faster than you could bat an eyelash?
The answer to these questions are very important. It's not easy to find people who would stay under those circumstances. It's far easier for a person to walk away.
I had an opportunity to let action dictate an answer to your first two questions as well as one you didn’t ask, which pertains to orbiter contact. There is something about realizing that you’re putting 30k into anything that motivates you to get real clear feedback. I have been laying the seeds for this for months. I have been pulling back a lot on the spending, seeing if I could smoke this out. I basically sat around all week with her here, lived on Costco with the kids in the apartment. Last night totally unsolicited ont he call she told me that living like that was absolutely perfect and she could handle that.
She called me around lunch and she was laying it on hard again about tonight. Her and her brothers social friends were having a party at their Manhattan duplex. She told me on Thursday that she would skip this if I wanted her to come out.
So I’m like look to be honest with you, I am disappointed in myself, I have a lot of things I need to be thinking about, for my family, never having seriously looked at our new reality I need to sit down and do this. I told her that I opened 300 pieces of mail two weeks ago, that I put a lot down on paper that in 18 months, and that I never really gave a lot of things the attention they deserved. I need to continue to do that and if I go tonight I will get nothing done tomorrow. I said, if you want to come out you’re welcome to come, but this is what I need to do today and tomorrow. So the call kind of ends there, no commitment on her end.
One of her’communication triggers’ using her idea was reassurance. So I throw that out on the table and text her in five minutes ‘like I was saying, you’re welcome to come out if you want to.’ Crickets for an hour. She calls and asks if there is any negotiation about leaving early and I was like honestly I just can’t. Yes I physically can but not if I want to knock this out which I do. So we end there again.
She calls me about 20 minutes later and tells me she’s looking up train times. Offers to help in any way that she can. Being together matters more than anything else.
But to answer your financial question, yes i got banged up in litigation My former father in law reached out to me early and was like, would you rather do this the easy way or the hard way, and what do you think my answer was.
I Hate to be so Machiavellian but in carrying a multiple 6-figure lifestyle overhead, all of that going out the door before I see a dime, yes today I had to capitalize on the chance to play ‘to catch a gold digger.’ it put itself out there.It was a simple binary decision that was going to continue or end our relationship. I was at peace with the alternative.
I have to give it to her. She earned it. This gets us to day two in a potentially new way of operating. Talk is cheap. I felt pretty good last night, but I wasn’t going to tell her that. I am happy she is coming.
Plus now with the text setting unlocked (remember her idea?) let’s see who wishes the both of us happy new year. I have a feeling it’ll be a quiet night though on that front.
