How to Handle Being Dumped, Stood Up, or Rejected

TheGambino

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SAYNO said:
Ego wise i think its easier to move on when you know you have the last laugh ie. Her coming back to you after she dumps you. This is the mindstate i recommend for men. I dont allow them a second chance if they werent wise enough to see it the first time around. I always like to get things over with so i can get in to lifes next adventure. I love the look on a females face when they call themselves breaking up with me and wanting to see me hurt. I always agree with them and tell them its for the best. When they ask if they can be friends i say "sure" and then after that im off to the races.:up: so i think its harder to move on when you lose all self respect and dignity on the way out, they see this and its game over. Like i said for me personally once they hit the eject button im out and i never ever look back. Btw once i adopted this mind set they always try to come back, but i in turn reject them and ignore all subsequent attempts at reconcilliation.
Your 100% right here SAYNO.

I can move on way faster when a girl comes back to me after she stood me up or cancelled on a date or even worse rejected me. It has everything to do with ego and you know she only wants to check if your interested or not. Then you have the power to ignore her and be the last one who ended it.

It's also true that moving on is harder when you lost self respect and dignity by example asking her out 10+ times with the same answer all the time or when she breaks up with you and you begg her back or some kind of situation. She has all the power there and let you down, so your ego is pulverized. In those cases they will rarely contact you again because they know your an option, they can have you anytime. So after 1 max 2 redd flaggs or rejections MOVE ON and chances are big that they will get back to you if they were interested in the first place.

Good post sayno
 

Jariel

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mikey2012 said:
But sometimes they don't come back and if they do isn't easier to move on?
I would say that 99% of the time it's better to move on, but try telling that to someone who has just been dumped. The only thing they can think about is getting back with their ex.

But that may not be such a bad thing if they can go about it in the right way. If, instead of chasing, clinging and arguing with their ex, guys cut contact and started rebuilding themselves, getting back to who they used to be then that is definitely a good thing. Not only will it increase their chances with their ex, but it will help them to move forward, towards a goal, and will even increase their options.

Most guys, myself included, go through this recovery process after a break up and once we're feeling good again, we start to realise how much better off we are out of the relationship and how good things can be with someone else. But the battle is getting to that point and for some people, the only way to find that motivation is to (at least to start with) focus on a long term plan to get the ex back.

For an example, it was one of my exes that inspired me to start lifting weights and get in the gym. I was so determined that the next time she saw me, I would be bulked up and in great shape. Every time I went in that gym I used the pain of my break up to fuel my workouts, focusing on the satisfaction of seeing my ex and looking like a new man.

I got in great shape, but by the time I saw my ex again, I had so many options and had started seeing someone else that I barely gave her a second look. She did start crawling back again and like Sayno said, there is a lot of satisfaction in this and it gives you a huge confidence boost.
 

Jariel

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TheGambino said:
I can move on way faster when a girl comes back to me after she stood me up or cancelled on a date or even worse rejected me. It has everything to do with ego and you know she only wants to check if your interested or not. Then you have the power to ignore her and be the last one who ended it.
And always remember, this is the same for her too!

If you feed her ego, you make it much easier for her to move on...and meet someone else.

This happened to me. My ex and I broke up on awful terms, and it was me who pulled the trigger in the end. Then 2 months into no contact she sent me a text to say how much she loves and misses me and hadn't been able to move on. I responded telling her I still loved her, asked her to try again and basically gave her a huge ego boost.

2 weeks later, she started dating another guy.
 

jgutta23

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Jariel said:
And always remember, this is the same for her too!

If you feed her ego, you make it much easier for her to move on...and meet someone else.

This happened to me. My ex and I broke up on awful terms, and it was me who pulled the trigger in the end. Then 2 months into no contact she sent me a text to say how much she loves and misses me and hadn't been able to move on. I responded telling her I still loved her, asked her to try again and basically gave her a huge ego boost.

2 weeks later, she started dating another guy.

So in hindsight what would you have said when she sent you that text?
 

Jariel

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jgutta23 said:
So in hindsight what would you have said when she sent you that text?
I would've just ignored it or taken a few days to see if she followed up on it and then sent a more casual response such as:

"We did have some good times and I have no regrets. I hope you're keeping well. x"

Something polite, but indifferent. Nothing that she could use to boost her ego or make her think she could still have me.
 

playerkartikey

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getting her back

ok so i met this girl about 9 months back , she knew i liked her , but i didnt do anything coz she wasnt out of her past. anyways the guy came bak pursued her and finally she went bak to him . i left it then and moved with my life . 3months later she was bak being badly dumped by this guy.

so we go to this cool place (just after a week of her break up) with some friends, we get talking like same old buddies . i then popped this question 'So ru doing things (sex or flings). she says no . then she tells me 'DO I WANT TO KISS??... i am now slient for a minute and say a YES, she says we will be only friends, this is jus for fun. i agreed .

Now this continued for almost a month and i started falling for her.i became a complete wuss bag .neeedy,clingy,insecured.She noticed all of this things happening.In notime she started taking me for granted . i started fighting with her. she didnt reply to my msgs .

One fine day i see her pic with her guy and fight with her .abused her on her past and made her cry. Followin next day her friends call me n said i shouldnt have used such lang.

(Currently situation ,now)
My very good friends spoke 2 her and told me i was wrong everywhere(i know i am wrong,i didnt use the game).So finally she suggested , send some sorry msgs to her try to get her back as a friend. now i just abt to do tht. She also suggested me sendin her a bouquet ,so i am doing that (trying to get her attention).



guys i need an honest opinion. and a solution to tis.

i know my feeling are working against what i want.


thanks a lot . waiting for reply
 

Jariel

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playerkartikey said:
ok so i met this girl about 9 months back , she knew i liked her , but i didnt do anything coz she wasnt out of her past. anyways the guy came bak pursued her and finally she went bak to him . i left it then and moved with my life . 3months later she was bak being badly dumped by this guy.

so we go to this cool place (just after a week of her break up) with some friends, we get talking like same old buddies . i then popped this question 'So ru doing things (sex or flings). she says no . then she tells me 'DO I WANT TO KISS??... i am now slient for a minute and say a YES, she says we will be only friends, this is jus for fun. i agreed .

Now this continued for almost a month and i started falling for her.i became a complete wuss bag .neeedy,clingy,insecured.She noticed all of this things happening.In notime she started taking me for granted . i started fighting with her. she didnt reply to my msgs .

One fine day i see her pic with her guy and fight with her .abused her on her past and made her cry. Followin next day her friends call me n said i shouldnt have used such lang.

(Currently situation ,now)
My very good friends spoke 2 her and told me i was wrong everywhere(i know i am wrong,i didnt use the game).So finally she suggested , send some sorry msgs to her try to get her back as a friend. now i just abt to do tht. She also suggested me sendin her a bouquet ,so i am doing that (trying to get her attention).



guys i need an honest opinion. and a solution to tis.

i know my feeling are working against what i want.


thanks a lot . waiting for reply

Damn! I'm really sorry to say that this is probably damaged beyond all hope and is best chalked upto experience. As for your friend's idea of apologies and bouquets...that is the worst advice you could get. If she thought of you as a pushover and a lapdog, what sort of message does a bouquet or an apology send her? It basically says:

I have no self respect.
I don't stand behind my arguments and I have no integrity.
I will sell out my dignity just to have your attention back.
Please forgive me. Please be my friend.
I am lonely and I can't get another girl.
I need you to feel complete.
You can keep walking over me and I will keep coming back like a little puppy.

The more you contact her and keep trying, the more it's going to drive her away and even creep her out.

Most of us have done this before and most of us look back now and cringe. THIS is the reason she dumped you my friend.

She was honest enough to tell you what you had was not serious. If you could've been cool about it, enjoyed the fun, then got on with your own life, chatted up other women, pulled away some times or let her know that you are going on dates or texting other women, then she might've respected you more, may have tried harder to keep you in her life.

The best advice I can give you is to delete her number and move on, but treat this as a big lesson. Pay close attention to how your behaviour changed from the man she wanted to kiss and hang out with to the guy she rejected and you will see all the things you did wrong. Make a list and promise never to do it again.

This is a good turning point for you if you embrace the lesson.
 

lover4721

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I love this thread! Such important advice, and I've seen this over and over again, and it never fails to work.

There was this girl that has been interested in me like nothing before... always wanting to meet up. She even wanted to be a second option if the main girl didn't work out. Anyhow, she text messeged me asking how I felt about her boyfriend.

I said I didn't really care, and she was so upset saying she really wishes she had a chance with me.
Then again, asked me "you weren't upset at all?"

I knew exactly what she was doing!!! I used to be the guy who used to do this to get closure.
I said "Yeah I was upset a little. Sad."

She said "Good, now you know how I felt - maybe we will have another chance, probably not, bye."

Haha so this works!
 

thecreature

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Renegade357 said:
Awesome stuff in here guys. Hats off to you Jariel. You all have been fighting the same battles I've been fighting over the years.

My biggest take aways based on the past posts:
1. New line for you: Once you're out, you're out.

If you want any hope of getting another shot at the girl you'll be taking a huge risk of wasting a whole lot of time and effort. I promise you she's not worth either. You have to ask yourself if you're already ruined your chances in how you acted post-breakup. Any sort of begging/text bombing/scheming/pleading/logic arguing with the girl will pretty much ruin your chances forever. Sorry to say that. If however you are quick on your feet and not too blind to see that she is losing interest in you in the early stages you have a chance. The point is if you feel like you're about to get run over by a freight train get off the tracks immediately. Vanish, you never existed to this girl. This girl needs to be wondering if you were nothing but a distant memory. A figment of her imagination.

2. The hard part: The one who cares the least controls the relationship.

Yeah, so if you're lucky enough to get her chasing you after a successful period of no contact you'll need even more luck pretending that you care about her less than she does about you. You see some examples of no contact working for several guys on here but most of them fail because things just revert back to how they were when she lost interest in you. You've got somehow pull off a professional acting job with your dream girl. Like I said, Good Luck with that.

3. No contact by default.
Wanna be a real man? Have the balls to walk away from a girl you're in love with and not look back. I mean what's tougher than that? Go into no contact with the attitude that you're not going to win. Move on and improve yourself. Who knows, maybe you'll be in the lucky 1% of guys who actually do end up getting their dream girl back.

Oh yeah, just for validation I am currently about 6 weeks into no-contact with a girl I was crazy about. Dated her for a few months, she went distant, I called her out on it and disappeared completely. Haven't heard from her since. If I do i'll let you know. In the mean time I'm moving on like I always do. Back to war!
#3 takes real balls. Not many people can do this. To walk away from someone you love is one of the hardest tests of a man. Many would eat shiit literally to get their gal back. Bruce Willis walked away from the gal in moonlighting because she fell in love with him and he loved her but didn't want her to suffer because he knew he was in a dangerous profession where someone could use her to get to him.
 

Rave18

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Slickster said:
I sometimes think there should be a section in the DJ Bible for break-ups. Alot, and probably most of the guys are here for that very reason and it would be good to know how to handle things properly.

Anyway this post deals with the aftermath. What to do after your heart was stomped on.

Maybe she cheated, found someone else, or just needed space. You're pissed as many guys are when their heart gets ripped out. Alot of guys turn into women hating bastards. You feel like punching the wall, or his face, or even hers.

So what's the best REVENGE!?

Screw as many chicks as you can? Mess up her car? Beat up her new boyfriend? Light her house on fire? Throw acid in her face?
(Just kidding about the acid. Read that somewhere on this forum)

No. Although these things might be fun and make you feel better for a minute or two, this is not the right type of Revenge.

The Best Revenge Ever on the Ex that dumped you is simply, LIVING WELL.

Living your life to your best capability.

What a slap in the face it would be for your ex to run into you down the road and there you are, better than you've ever been! Kicking a$$! on the rest of the world. Kind of like "Thanks for dumping me, cuz look at me now!"

You've got a new and improved girlfriend, better job, new car, new clothes, you look great. You've got new friends, you're doing new and exciting things that you never did before. You don't even have time to stop and talk to her. Your life is better, more complete, and you are happier than you've ever been.

The above are just examples but the point is to improve yourself and your life in every possible way.

Now you'll say "But Slick, shouldn't we be doing all that stuff anyway?"

EXACTLY. That is the beauty of it.

We've all probably had our hearts broken at one time or another. We all know that feeling like you can't go on. Life seems meaningless. You feel like you'll never find another one like her. You can't eat, can't sleep. Blah, blah, blah. You end up moping around all depressed.

Well its gonna take some TIME before you can get yourself together and get back on the right track. It might be a few months, it might even be years!

But when you head out looking for Revenge in this way, you'll be WAY ahead of the game.

Now go show that B*tch!
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=34509
 

Ken

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Hi guys,

I am currently in a pretty bad situation. I really need some honest advice on how I should handle
this situation.

So I just completely flipped out my gf... now here is the story. we meet in university 3 years ago,
she is a solid 9 and I was fat...but I'm a straight A student and very serious when it comes to study
and to be successful(in school at least). She had a bf back then so i backed off, but when they broke up
and she started calling me, we started going out, a year after i first meet her we got togheter. At
first she loves me so much, she would do anything for me just to see me happy... So I started to show
affection back. Walking her to work and pick her up every day for 2 years! of course there is a bunch
of other things too, so i guess she started to take me for granted... but she isnt the kind that is
ungrateful, so I kept going. Since she is a solid 9, there are guys hitting on her constantly and I
get upset constantly when she answers them back(like this dude checks on how is she doing every week)
we got into a lot of fights which I always crawls back to her the day after and admit it is
my fault,(not only for this kind of jealousy thing, but for all fights.) Also dating her took me about
10-20 hours out of my study time per weeks so my grade dropped from A to B. That really upset her too.
She thinks i can do better, as get straight A and hangout with her. I failed.

Recently she said she feels too much pressure, that everytime a guy calls or txt her she feels the need
to explain something to me. So she wants to break up and tells me that she dosent love me no more,
and i got 0 chance of getting her back. Even after that we still go out now and then , and have sex
on regular schedule. It is just that she wont let me kiss her, or hold her outside of bed no more.

yesterday, she said there is a lot of things i promise i would do that i can't accomplish, such as get
my grade back...so she wants me to get out of her life completely. After an hour of me explaining
and begging... she said when she wants to see me she will txt me and only then i can come see her.




I am hopeless... Please give me some advice.


PS: I am trying to make up for the grade dropping by finding good jobs, Currently doing internship
at ericsson and aiming for amazon and microsoft in 4 months, but until that trully happens.
It just tear me apart everytime she says i got no chance of getting her back and she dosent love me
no more..
 

Lord_Elpus

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Gentlemen,

This is by far the best thread I have ever come across on the web- especially for the same sort of problem I have as well. Platinum-grade, I tell you; practically and philosophically.

Just got out of a 3-5yr LTR (living together), all seemed great, then intimacy stopped, no fighting during our relationship, I was great guy (no wussy behavior here), kept trying to work with her to resolve the things she wouldn't talk about (she is an introvert), and then after we moved to a new apartment just recently, 2wks later she said I don't love you and I need my space. Of course I (calmly) asked why, where is the warning, this is a ltr, we invested in each other etc, but nothing; and I didn't beg, cry, anything except attempt to discuss her feelings. I said, "I'm ok with your decision." What is more, we always wanted a dog, adopted one, then two days later she wanted to give it back. I tried for a week to train it, the stress was building up between us in the new place, and then one morning I felt that I would hate her for the rest of my days if this angel of a dog was returned. That is when she cried and said I can't do this anymore. Wonderful. Actually, I did cry, but for the dog possibly being returned; I cried like a child for that little guy.

In any case, I'm moving on because I don't tolerate second-class behavior from any woman, especially from the woman I love dearly, thought to marry, and that never ever opened up to share her feelings so we can work on things (since I didn't even know how she FELT or that there was a problem); but again, without anger, hatred, etc; no hard feelings, you do what you have to do, be well. Got in the car with my stuff, texted her I have left (so she can go back to the apt), and I was out. Here I am, day 2, NC since and I have NO F****** PLANS of answering anything.

Cheers to everyone for contributing, and eternal thanks to Jariel and MillerCharm.
 

JustOlder_!

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Ken said:
Hi guys,

I am currently in a pretty bad situation. I really need some honest advice on how I should handle
this situation. and begging... she said when she wants to see me she will txt me and only then i can come see her.




I am hopeless... Please give me some advice.


PS: I am trying to make up for the grade dropping by finding good jobs, Currently doing internship
at ericsson and aiming for amazon and microsoft in 4 months, but until that trully happens.
It just tear me apart everytime she says i got no chance of getting her back and she dosent love me
no more..
Dude - your a f' buddy at best and connected by ocytocin or whatever and nothing else. Unless she is fantastic in bed (qualifier- as gotta keep those in the stable) , you gotta move on. cut all ties , delete all email, phone numbers etc.. .and within a week you feel better and move on. Some chicks move a guy hard - I have been moved a few times and you always find a new one to get into for awhile. Been there - done that. Also, you sound like a "decent guy"... problem is - she is not looking for a "decent guy".. She wants drama and lots of it. Quite frankly, its a tough nut to crack for you if you are laid back person and she wants to run with the dogs for awhile. She already decided your not it..right now.... No solution as far as I can see. As an experienced person.... - You gotta get your self set up before you get into this thing. ALSO fyi....A or B's don't matter - only direction and application. Those are harder to figure out in life.
 
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I love it. I used to be all beta and **** when it came to being rejected but once you get used to it its dumb to think and act that way.
 

RacerXtreme

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Hello, all, first post here.
I have read everything up to this point in this thread.

I dated a woman off and on for almost a year. Actually, I was dating a couple of women. This particular woman broke it off a few months into 2014. At the time she blew me off, I just replied "hey, give me a call if you change your mind". During that period until now, I never contacted her. I received an email from her a couple weeks ago. I found it odd that she was replying to an email I had sent her nearly 1 year ago to the day. The email was an attached reference. Of course, my first thought was she was trying to reach out or test the waters so to speak. I mean, who replies to an email that is a year old? An email that she had already acknowledged minutes after it was written. I got to thinking a bit. I came to the conclusion she was indeed testing the waters, and she did not have my cell number so she chose the old email. I responded to the email about 11 days later in two words "You're Welcome".

What's up with that ?
 

rydincoaster1

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I asked this woman that I like on a date to the bowling alley using the "Office Space" method on this site. I told her if she wants to come thats fine and if not thats fine also. She just wrote back "lol thank u" on Facebook. The day came and she flaked out on me but I still had fun anyway. She has not contacted me since then. What should I say to her if anything?
 

nolesfan

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MARRIED AFC to a changed man overnight

In response to this thread, here is a situation that just proves how fvcked up females are and how weak they become when you strip them of their power....

I was married to a chick for only a short period of time as I found out she was cheating on me. I cant necessarily blame her for cheating on me because I was pretty pathetic and catered to her every whim, making me entirely undesirable to her, but I thought thats what a good husband did, right?

Well, i eventually figured out that she was cheating on me and called her out and made her admit to it. After punching a couple of holes into the wall, i then verbally punched holes into her.

I told her exactly how I felt about a lot of things that bothered me during our relationship.

"you are not a good person, you are a spoiled little *****, and all you care about is yourself"
"you should never bring another human into this world, because you are selfish and a horrible wife / would be mother"
"your ass is getting worse and showing signs of cottage cheese dimples all over it"

And on and on, Everything I could think of, I let her have it

I then proceeded to tell her that I want all of the jewelry I gave her back that night, I wanted her the fvck out of my house, and to call her parents right then and let them know what a ***** their daughter was

she said and I quote "wow, if you would have acted like this before, I never would have cheated on you"

Well, the next day, I come home, and she is waiting on my side of the bed, and has the nerve to ask me "so, are you still mad?"

I just responded, I am not mad at all, I am done with you, now get the fvck out of my house.

Well for the subsequent two months, there were so many times where she tried desperately to get me back, she tried everything in the book to talk to me or meet up with me....."just to apologize"

Since I was truly done with her due to her infidelity (I dont put up with that ****), I had no problem rejecting every advance she made.

One time, it was hilarious, so I will mention it here:

She was still going to the same gym as me, so i came in, went onto the treadmill in front of her and began my workout, never once looking her way or acknowledging her. She then gets done, comes over to me, hits me on the arm, and says something to me. I completely ignored her, never looked at her or anything until she walked away about a good 5 minutes later, extremely red in the face. It felt so good seeing about 20 other people witness this lack of acknowledgment on her attempt to talk to me. That was just one example though, there were several text messages, phone calls, trips to the house that went unnoticed, or a smart ass response was given.

Basically, my conclusion to all of this is that women if given the power feel like they are on top of the world and will treat you however they want. If we allow them to be the man in the relationship, we have nothing to do but sit back and wait for them to cheat on you or dump you, because one of the two WILL happen.

The goal has to be to get what YOU want out of these relationships and don't be afraid to put her in her place without being an *******, just stern.

It has been two years and we both have moved on, but this completely changed my outlook on women and I always seem to succeed when I dont give a fvck and never succeed when I put the girl on a pedestal. I definitely try to have the dont give a fvck attitude more often but its hard sometimes given the 15 some years where the opposite is all i knew. It takes time but everyone can get there if they consciously try. Trust me and all the other guys on these boards.

But what do I know, I'm just a doctor haha (Happy Gilmore)

Go Noles!
 
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