How many of you actually go out every weekend to approach and talk to women?

[CornbreadFed]

I also lost the desire to get fvcked up and be hungover for the next 1 or 2 days is another reason I stopped going out to clubs/bars on weekends.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

How many of you actually go out every weekend to approach and talk to women?
how has it been working out for you?
Do give context on what country you are in here too.

I don't specifically go out to approach. If I go out to bars it's to have a beer. People approach me to talk with me.
I talk to women every day when I just go into town.
I don't 'approach' because I don't need more women; three is enough.
Netherlands.

 

[sangheilios]

Agree. I’m way out of the loop on that stuff, but that is my understanding.

I went a few times circa 2019 (pre Cove) despite being way too old (just for old times sake). I got hit on by a dude on my final night. I knew it was time to finally hang up my hat lol.

I can’t imagine what it’s like now.

In the metro I'm in, I've been seeing and hearing a lot about how much worse it has been since pre pandemic. A lot of complaints about the venues being overrun by trashy people, lots of arguments and full blown fist fights, etc. There's a much heavier police presence than I recall seeing before the pandemic. A lot of theft, shootings and street fights, maybe muggings? Not 100% sure because what I've read is not super specific. One thing I've also seen is a lot of men complaining about how much more of a sausage fest the bars and clubs are compared to before. I'm sure this was always the case, but perhaps it's more noticeable now lol.

Hell, I'm only 34 and I'd feel out of place in a club or would be thinking something like "Why am I here when I could be doing xyz instead?" lol.

 

[sangheilios]

Before I started dating my girlfriend and after 2020:

Never, I just did OLD or women would approach me in my regular venues like the Gym, Grocery Store, Coffee place, and etc.

Before 2020:

Every weekend lol. Duringthe lock downs, I realized how much I hated going to bars/clubs every weekend and was happy that they shut down. Once everything opened back up I just stuck with OLD lol.

Why did you go if you hated them so much? Was it something where the lockdowns forced you away from the scene and only being away from it was when you realized you didn't care for them?

 

[Jesse Pinkman]

Based on this thread and the one I commented on the other day I think you just have a preconceived hatred towards cold approaching. Whether that's because you don't think the people who are good at it deserve their success, due to their flaws, or whether it's because you yourself haven't had success with it, I don't know.

Cold approaching, I will always say, is one of the most valuable skills you can develop. True confidence with an immunity to rejection.

I am 29 and admittedly am quite good-looking. However...I live at home with my parents, before I started working full-time I was only making about $20k/year, I live in f***ing suburban Delaware and I STILL sleep with way more women than anybody else I know personally (granted I have 1 or 2 friends with the "any hole's the goal" philosophy, but quantity without quality is pointless to me).

Now, to address the other points.

1. You may get more opportunities, but you're also competing with literally everybody else at the same time, rather than whoever's in front of her at that very moment. I think I mentioned once that when my ex had Tinder she tried to show me a note feature where you can type a message to people you swipe right on that didn't swipe right on you. Quite literally every right swipe was a match. You are competing with HUNDREDS of other guys. Chances are, at least one is a better prospect on paper. But you can cut through all that by being the guy making the move and talking to her, in person, right now.
2. You can, doesn't mean you will. Read above. Being in Miami, you'll definitely have a larger pool of attractive women to swipe through, sure, but they're all going to be swiping on whoever's the hottest young rich guy posing on the biggest yacht. I can't speak from experience, but through social media it seems Miami is probably the second most materialistic place for women to go, only behind LA. I would imagine that if you aren't in the top 10% there, which is already the top 1% compared to most of the country, they're probably going to pick their best option from their matches.
3. I mean at the start yeah, because you're worried about the outcome. After a while, you look forward to it. When I go out to a bar or a club, I'm having a BETTER time if there are attractive women to talk to. In general, they're there for the same reason you are, so offer them what they want and see who's interested.

You can not like cold approaching because you don't like cold approaching, but it almost feels like you think it's "invalid" and want that point of view reinforced.

I had a cold approaching log in Miami that went for 50+ pages and I did have occasional success with it. To say I have it out for cold approach is just asinine given that I dedicate time to it and still do cold approach. However, it is not out of line to say that cold approach is just not that efficient of a method to meet women if your goal is to get lots of women. Someone with a nice online dating profile will beat your lay count with higher quality women over and over again.

The other thing is that the bar is not that high to get into the top 20% online. In fact, pro photos do set you apart a lot. I am banned from the apps so I had to rely on cold approach.

By all means, I applaud guys who cold approach but having looked at the numbers based on dudes I know, dudes who solely rely on cold approach are not putting up the best results.

 

[Jesse Pinkman]

Same here.

I went through a phase about ten years ago, going out 2+ nights a week to do cold approach with a couple buddies, and while it was interesting, after about a year of it, it really wasn't something I saw any point in continuing.

I haven't gone out for the expressed purposed of meeting women in years, and I probably won't ever again. Cold approach in this context is a complete waste of time and effort and imo it's clown behavior, women can smell your "agenda" a mile away. It only makes sense to talk to women incidentally if you're already in places you want to be and are enjoying yourself, ya know, like a human being would normally socialize. I have grown to detest the borderline autistic PUA mindset many people have, though some certainly seem to make it work. But I would maintain that cold approach is overall a waste of time when you're only doing it for its own sake. Michael Sartain talks about this all the time, how many couples actually meet from cold approach? It's basically zero, and not because men are too pvssy to do it, but because top tier men don't do it, they use IG/OLD.

FWIW, I have talked to multiple dudes who have gone through Sartain's program (MOA). A good number of them did not get results and ironically, the program calls on you to cold approach like crazy as a club promoter would. The only difference is, you are showing a chick how popular and cool you are by having connections to all the right parties.

I have also known couples that met through cold approach but the other thing to keep in mind is that girls will never admit that. I have dated a girl I met randomly at a coffee shop and she legit told everyone "we were working on a project together and bonded over coffee" not "he came up to me at a coffee shop and took my number".

This is why I no longer follow Alex from PWF going around asking women these dumb questions on how they met their BFs, girls will never actually tell you if the guy went up to them and cold approached them.

 

[Jesse Pinkman]

My personal opinion, I think as you get close to 30, or especially beyond, it's honestly kind of cringey/weird if you go out to bars and clubs on a regular basis. There's nothing necessarily wrong with it, I just feel it shows that you have your priorities misaligned while there are better things you could be doing with your time. Now, going out once in a while with some friends for like a birthday or something is different though.

On a night I have nothing going on, I'd rather just sit at home reading a book or watching youtube videos or maybe just go relax in the sauna instead of hitting up a bar or club.

I would disagree with this. I've seen plenty of white collar professionals who are in their 30s, work hard, and then use the weekends to party. In fact, even couples do this together all the time granted they pick fancier venues. Then again, this is in NYC and Miami.

These are well off people who make a good bit of money and can afford to go out.

 

[Jesse Pinkman]

This is a funny one, with higher quality women?
No.
Cold approach is very very effective when you know how to do it. Obviously you don't know how to approach.

Cut the attitude and stop making it personal if you want a debate. I have had success from cold approach but the reality is, online is far more efficient. It is a massive cope in the PUA community when they say you can only get uglier girls from online, nonsense. You can match with hotter girls, I often did before I got banned from the apps. I also went on dates with and pulled hot girls from online. Photos are everything.

Cold approach is just not efficient for the following reasons:

1. Go out to a bar or nightclub, most girls are not hot and the hot ones are in massive groups meant to ****block

2. Go out even to do daygame, you might get 10 sets in if you are lucky assuming you have standards. How many of those girls are single? By nature, most girls on dating apps ARE single

Even the best daygamers I have known rarely crack a lay count of over 50 in a year.

 

[Hamurabimbi]

I don’t think it was a conscious thing such as ‘I’m going to go Downtown Saturday and talk to women.’. Rather. ‘Oh. There’s a festival Downtown. I’ll go.’. And. Sometimes interesting things happened. Sometimes not.

 

[Hamurabimbi]

Cut the attitude and stop making it personal if you want a debate. I have had success from cold approach but the reality is, online is far more efficient. It is a massive cope in the PUA community when they say you can only get uglier girls from online, nonsense. You can match with hotter girls, I often did before I got banned from the apps. I also went on dates with and pulled hot girls from online. Photos are everything.

Cold approach is just not efficient for the following reasons:

1. Go out to a bar or nightclub, most girls are not hot and the hot ones are in massive groups meant to ****block

2. Go out even to do daygame, you might get 10 sets in if you are lucky assuming you have standards. How many of those girls are single? By nature, most girls on dating apps ARE single

Even the best daygamers I have known rarely crack a lay count of over 50 in a year.

Best part about OLD is if they match you. You’re already fvckable to her.

 

[Jesse Pinkman]

No attitude Jesse, you're just ridiculous.
50 lays per year, who cares? Not important at all.
You spend way to much energy on trying to get women, and you're always pissed off when somebody challenges you. Grow up man.
Stop those stupid threads, I wonder why you came back..

You personally went at me, if you are debating someone, go at the point. You did not go at my point and you say spend too much energy on getting women, you just proved your own point wrong. Online dating by nature is less energy to get women, daygame by nature is a lot of it.

 

[BPH]

I had a cold approaching log in Miami that went for 50+ pages and I did have occasional success with it. To say I have it out for cold approach is just asinine given that I dedicate time to it and still do cold approach. However, it is not out of line to say that cold approach is just not that efficient of a method to meet women if your goal is to get lots of women. Someone with a nice online dating profile will beat your lay count with higher quality women over and over again.

The other thing is that the bar is not that high to get into the top 20% online. In fact, pro photos do set you apart a lot. I am banned from the apps so I had to rely on cold approach.

By all means, I applaud guys who cold approach but having looked at the numbers based on dudes I know, dudes who solely rely on cold approach are not putting up the best results.

Well then the argument becomes quality.

I don't know about you but I don't see a lot of hot girls on the apps, some, but not a lot. Why is that? Because the hot ones don't need it. They snap their fingers and can have a lineup of guys ready to fly them out or wine and dine them with the hope of getting in their pants.

I'm sure there are plenty of guys who beat my lay count, but in my experience, they are unattractive dudes who sleep with whatever woman they can get, regardless of how hot or ugly she is.

I forget where the statistic was mentioned, but women had a tendency to be MORE picky on dating apps and LESS picky in person, while men were generally the opposite. I'm not saying you should exclusively do one or the other, but I hardly think anybody is KILLING IT on dating apps unless they have all their s*** together, are in great shape, young, rich, and have social media to back them up.

When I go up to a hot girl in a bar I have none of those things (well, the great shape part). Yet I still get results. In person it's much easier to punch above your weight, on dating apps you have to settle for being this girl's 2465th backup - if she's even real.

A good anecdote comes down to my last 2 exes I was in serious relationships with:

Tinder - Very hot, much wealthier than me, great sex. BPD, abusive upbringing, created drama, frequent fights, drug problem, very real chance she'll end up alone or with a husband she'll wear the pants in a relationship with. We lasted about 9 months with several very severe fights; notably around Christmas time and Valentine's Day.

Approaching - Also hot, but less hot than the other ex, a little wealthier than me, also great sex. Stable, loving, affectionate, loyal, very sweet, family's a bit of a mess but not nearly as much so as the other ex. Genuinely a great woman, we just didn't end up together because she was ready to settle down and I was not, so I broke up with her so she could meet the husband she's married to now - who she wouldn't have met if she waited for me to change my mind like she originally wanted to do. I met her in an Atlantic City night club, alone, while she was with another hot friend, after having a dude tear my button-down halfway open trying to fight me because I made out with a girl he was interested in earlier in the night. We lasted a little over year, never had a fight.

Both can work, but I run into the latter a lot more often than the former...and like I said, I had a modeling contract...so if I'm not doing great on the dating apps I wonder how much "better" the guys are who do well on them.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

I think OLD is probably superior if you need a new woman every week.

 

[DreamAgain]

@Jesse Pinkman I would recommend you to pivot out of miami into another city, it is a terrible place for dating for many reasons. It is a transient place that given the current technological landscape, will funnel the desirable women into guys who have the wealth, looks, and social status that is very difficult to achieve, if not impossible, for many guys. Even you as an above average guy probably can't realistically work your way here unless you have a huge financial gain in the near future. Also, you probably even being above average, do not look like a male model, which is perfectly ok.

I would echo LA being of a similar sentiment.

Look at this guy, he has looks and status yet his tinder matches (to be fair tinder is dead) are very pedestrian. He has volume but quality is terrible:

 

[We_ArE_VeNOM]

.

You ain't a true alpha/don unless you cold approach.

It is what separates the men from the boys.

The pups from the wolves.

The kittens from the lions.

 

[DreamAgain]

Consider also the type of women you are running into, there is a long series of this guy interviewing guys and girls around miami:

 

[Solomon]

I'm not 40 yet so I can't speak from experience, but I think people 40+ going to clubs or bars "not having anything going on in their life" is probably just "not being married with kids". I wouldn't say it's because they're busy making money with their business or something; most people by that age just have a family.

But you could ask @Divorced w 3 because I believe he falls into that category.

I remember being younger the only 40+ year olds I ever saw every week at the club was this guy who had a beer belly and looked like a slimmer (that's being nice) version of Uncle Phil. He would always try to talk to the girls and some would dance with him but I never saw him pull anything much less get a phone number. I'm not saying 40 year olds don't go to the club, I got a successful buddy who goes out regularly, he has no kids a great job, he lives in San Diego and he pulls hot chicks then converts them into girlfriends if they qualify his standards. He never has had any issues at all meeting women he enjoys the scene. However the average 40 year old is taken care of kids, or at home with his girlfriend or wife it is what it is

Once again If you 40+ to each it's own but personally me I did the nightlife scene so much in my 20s/30s that literally the last few times I went out I left before 11:30pm lmfao

I personally never drank at all as a teen and in my twenties. Hell, I had never even been to a club until I was like 25, which I didn't really like at all. In my late 20s I had a mini stretch where I was hitting up bars and clubs just to talk to women, a lot of times I did this on my own but I also had a couple guys I had gone with. I would never drink alcohol when I was there, it was mostly just to interact with women. I found the experiences interesting, but I ultimately got nothing from it, in fact I found a lot of the women were just flat out unenjoyable to talk to. I also remember seeing many women there that would have all of their attention on their phone lol. I always found this incredibly odd, like why are they even there if all they are going to do is just be texting someone all night lol. This was all before the pandemic, so it's been a very long time.

I think your life should have a variety of experiences but it's also important to recognize what brings value or what detracts it. Many things that people engage in are full blown pointless distractions or even downright detrimental. Clubs and bars are one of these things, some other examples would be excessive video game playing, spending hours watching sports, gambling, etc. I like to play poker and had a stretch in 2022 where I was playing way too much to where it was taking away from other things in my life. I still play a little here and there, but it's significantly less than back then. I might play once a week for a few hours for a couple weeks but then not go back for another couple months. I'm finding I'm playing less and less often and slowly losing interest, and that's even when I make money lol.


Healthy or beneficial pursuits involve things like going to the gym, going hiking or any other type of physical activity that keeps you in shape. Reading and learning new skills or about new topics or ideas are very beneficial. While I personally overlook this, I think it's important to develop healthy friendships and associate with good people. I have a lot of people that I talk to that I'm friendly with but I don't really spend time with them outside of the environments they are from (gym, work, etc.).

Going back to clubs and bars, I just don't really see much benefit of it other than distracting yourself from your life troubles and living in the moment. There's nothing wrong with this, but it doesn't bring value to your life, it's this type of mindset that I think what leads to issues with drugs, alcohol, gambling, etc. I'd also add that many of the people you are going to meet in these places are not those you want around, basically just more bad influences.

Like you I never cared to "Club" just to "Club" I went "jacking" or gaming chicks. Then I realized you can do "Night approaches" on the streets which works better for talking to girls and also logistics. However, as I said now that I'm older I can't be bothered, you learn really quickly that most of those women aren't girlfriend material, and getting ONS wasn't really fulfilling for me. I knew this and was trying to switch up the scene however in my 20s I was a fool it wasn't until I was 30 that I started to venture out and gain real hobbies than going out jacking for chicks and getting lit.

 

[Solomon]

Consider also the type of women you are running into, there is a long series of this guy interviewing guys and girls around miami:

I've watched several of his videos, this guy is an excellent interviewer when it comes to this he also did one In Tennessee and Texas I believe. This one isn't as delusional as some of the other videos I've seen. However, the entitlement is still real, this mindset isn't just in Miami it's everywhere however in Miami it's a different playground.

First the Blond single mother, I feel for her, you can tell she is Eastern European, she is feminine from what I can tell. her making 150K a year in Miami looking for 200K guy is going to be hard, even in Miami where guys like that are more abundant than any other city in the USA. Most of those guys have better options Yes I know she is hot but it's Miami she would be slightly above average there. If you put her In Most other states she would do well but still 200K a year? Then she has a type that she is self-aware of the Hobosexual (guy with abs, good-looking) the first girl had the same type. That's the blueprint in Miami. They love tall guys with abs @sangheilios you might have to do a recon mission there brother lol

The biggest thing I noticed and confirms something I've known for years is women don't think about anything from a man's perspective and how can we expect them too? cause their reality is just different. For example, the average guy struggles on OLD, and is lucky to get a date a month or so depending on where he lives, the average woman can go on 5-7 dates a week nonstop. It's like expecting someone who grew up rich and privileged all their lives to be able to understand the plight of what it's like being raised in a trailer park or the hood broke. It's just a different experience

Most of these women in the interviews are pretty but that's about it, meh, you can keep your "Hot Club TURBOOOOOOOOOOOOO" girl lol

 

[The Duke]

FWIW, I have talked to multiple dudes who have gone through Sartain's program (MOA). A good number of them did not get results and ironically, the program calls on you to cold approach like crazy as a club promoter would. The only difference is, you are showing a chick how popular and cool you are by having connections to all the right parties.

I have also known couples that met through cold approach but the other thing to keep in mind is that girls will never admit that. I have dated a girl I met randomly at a coffee shop and she legit told everyone "we were working on a project together and bonded over coffee" not "he came up to me at a coffee shop and took my number".

This is why I no longer follow Alex from PWF going around asking women these dumb questions on how they met their BFs, girls will never actually tell you if the guy went up to them and cold approached them.

You have been around long enough. Figure out what works for you and go do it. If you struggle in one environment, then try something else.

 

[Divorced w 3]

I'm not 40 yet so I can't speak from experience, but I think people 40+ going to clubs or bars "not having anything going on in their life" is probably just "not being married with kids". I wouldn't say it's because they're busy making money with their business or something; most people by that age just have a family.

But you could ask @Divorced w 3 because I believe he falls into that category.

?