How many of you actually go out every weekend to approach and talk to women?

[Mike32ct]

As I mentioned in my last post, I'm not into the bar/club scene. However, I've talked to @SW15 and @Solomon about this but I've been seeing and hearing a lot of people, both online and in real life, complaining about how much the nightlife scene has deteriorated since the COVID lockdowns. While I noticed this pre pandemic, women will literally be there in groups or as a pair just sitting or standing there with their faces glued to their phone as they are texting lol, I think this is especially an issue for Gen Z. You'll notice that a lot of these places hae social media where they will show pictures of hot women showing up there to party or even just working there as a means to draw men in. It's all just marketing hype but to where men aren't getting anything from it, other than ringing ears, sleep deprivation, possibly some sort of remnant effects from alcohol and noticing a 3 figure charge on their card lol. I think most men would be better off just avoiding this scene all together.

Agree. I’m way out of the loop on that stuff, but that is my understanding.

I went a few times circa 2019 (pre Cove) despite being way too old (just for old times sake). I got hit on by a dude on my final night. I knew it was time to finally hang up my hat lol.

I can’t imagine what it’s like now.

 

[CornbreadFed]

I also lost the desire to get fvcked up and be hungover for the next 1 or 2 days is another reason I stopped going out to clubs/bars on weekends.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

How many of you actually go out every weekend to approach and talk to women?
how has it been working out for you?
Do give context on what country you are in here too.

I don't specifically go out to approach. If I go out to bars it's to have a beer. People approach me to talk with me.
I talk to women every day when I just go into town.
I don't 'approach' because I don't need more women; three is enough.
Netherlands.

 

[sangheilios]

Agree. I’m way out of the loop on that stuff, but that is my understanding.

I went a few times circa 2019 (pre Cove) despite being way too old (just for old times sake). I got hit on by a dude on my final night. I knew it was time to finally hang up my hat lol.

I can’t imagine what it’s like now.

In the metro I'm in, I've been seeing and hearing a lot about how much worse it has been since pre pandemic. A lot of complaints about the venues being overrun by trashy people, lots of arguments and full blown fist fights, etc. There's a much heavier police presence than I recall seeing before the pandemic. A lot of theft, shootings and street fights, maybe muggings? Not 100% sure because what I've read is not super specific. One thing I've also seen is a lot of men complaining about how much more of a sausage fest the bars and clubs are compared to before. I'm sure this was always the case, but perhaps it's more noticeable now lol.

Hell, I'm only 34 and I'd feel out of place in a club or would be thinking something like "Why am I here when I could be doing xyz instead?" lol.

 

[sangheilios]

Before I started dating my girlfriend and after 2020:

Never, I just did OLD or women would approach me in my regular venues like the Gym, Grocery Store, Coffee place, and etc.

Before 2020:

Every weekend lol. Duringthe lock downs, I realized how much I hated going to bars/clubs every weekend and was happy that they shut down. Once everything opened back up I just stuck with OLD lol.

Why did you go if you hated them so much? Was it something where the lockdowns forced you away from the scene and only being away from it was when you realized you didn't care for them?

 

[Jesse Pinkman]

Based on this thread and the one I commented on the other day I think you just have a preconceived hatred towards cold approaching. Whether that's because you don't think the people who are good at it deserve their success, due to their flaws, or whether it's because you yourself haven't had success with it, I don't know.

Cold approaching, I will always say, is one of the most valuable skills you can develop. True confidence with an immunity to rejection.

I am 29 and admittedly am quite good-looking. However...I live at home with my parents, before I started working full-time I was only making about $20k/year, I live in f***ing suburban Delaware and I STILL sleep with way more women than anybody else I know personally (granted I have 1 or 2 friends with the "any hole's the goal" philosophy, but quantity without quality is pointless to me).

Now, to address the other points.

1. You may get more opportunities, but you're also competing with literally everybody else at the same time, rather than whoever's in front of her at that very moment. I think I mentioned once that when my ex had Tinder she tried to show me a note feature where you can type a message to people you swipe right on that didn't swipe right on you. Quite literally every right swipe was a match. You are competing with HUNDREDS of other guys. Chances are, at least one is a better prospect on paper. But you can cut through all that by being the guy making the move and talking to her, in person, right now.
2. You can, doesn't mean you will. Read above. Being in Miami, you'll definitely have a larger pool of attractive women to swipe through, sure, but they're all going to be swiping on whoever's the hottest young rich guy posing on the biggest yacht. I can't speak from experience, but through social media it seems Miami is probably the second most materialistic place for women to go, only behind LA. I would imagine that if you aren't in the top 10% there, which is already the top 1% compared to most of the country, they're probably going to pick their best option from their matches.
3. I mean at the start yeah, because you're worried about the outcome. After a while, you look forward to it. When I go out to a bar or a club, I'm having a BETTER time if there are attractive women to talk to. In general, they're there for the same reason you are, so offer them what they want and see who's interested.

You can not like cold approaching because you don't like cold approaching, but it almost feels like you think it's "invalid" and want that point of view reinforced.

I had a cold approaching log in Miami that went for 50+ pages and I did have occasional success with it. To say I have it out for cold approach is just asinine given that I dedicate time to it and still do cold approach. However, it is not out of line to say that cold approach is just not that efficient of a method to meet women if your goal is to get lots of women. Someone with a nice online dating profile will beat your lay count with higher quality women over and over again.

The other thing is that the bar is not that high to get into the top 20% online. In fact, pro photos do set you apart a lot. I am banned from the apps so I had to rely on cold approach.

By all means, I applaud guys who cold approach but having looked at the numbers based on dudes I know, dudes who solely rely on cold approach are not putting up the best results.

 

[Jesse Pinkman]

Same here.

I went through a phase about ten years ago, going out 2+ nights a week to do cold approach with a couple buddies, and while it was interesting, after about a year of it, it really wasn't something I saw any point in continuing.

I haven't gone out for the expressed purposed of meeting women in years, and I probably won't ever again. Cold approach in this context is a complete waste of time and effort and imo it's clown behavior, women can smell your "agenda" a mile away. It only makes sense to talk to women incidentally if you're already in places you want to be and are enjoying yourself, ya know, like a human being would normally socialize. I have grown to detest the borderline autistic PUA mindset many people have, though some certainly seem to make it work. But I would maintain that cold approach is overall a waste of time when you're only doing it for its own sake. Michael Sartain talks about this all the time, how many couples actually meet from cold approach? It's basically zero, and not because men are too pvssy to do it, but because top tier men don't do it, they use IG/OLD.

FWIW, I have talked to multiple dudes who have gone through Sartain's program (MOA). A good number of them did not get results and ironically, the program calls on you to cold approach like crazy as a club promoter would. The only difference is, you are showing a chick how popular and cool you are by having connections to all the right parties.

I have also known couples that met through cold approach but the other thing to keep in mind is that girls will never admit that. I have dated a girl I met randomly at a coffee shop and she legit told everyone "we were working on a project together and bonded over coffee" not "he came up to me at a coffee shop and took my number".

This is why I no longer follow Alex from PWF going around asking women these dumb questions on how they met their BFs, girls will never actually tell you if the guy went up to them and cold approached them.

 

[mikedee]

Someone with a nice online dating profile will beat your lay count with higher quality women over and over again.

This is a funny one, with higher quality women?
No.
Cold approach is very very effective when you know how to do it. Obviously you don't know how to approach.

 

[Jesse Pinkman]

My personal opinion, I think as you get close to 30, or especially beyond, it's honestly kind of cringey/weird if you go out to bars and clubs on a regular basis. There's nothing necessarily wrong with it, I just feel it shows that you have your priorities misaligned while there are better things you could be doing with your time. Now, going out once in a while with some friends for like a birthday or something is different though.

On a night I have nothing going on, I'd rather just sit at home reading a book or watching youtube videos or maybe just go relax in the sauna instead of hitting up a bar or club.

I would disagree with this. I've seen plenty of white collar professionals who are in their 30s, work hard, and then use the weekends to party. In fact, even couples do this together all the time granted they pick fancier venues. Then again, this is in NYC and Miami.

These are well off people who make a good bit of money and can afford to go out.

 

[Jesse Pinkman]

This is a funny one, with higher quality women?
No.
Cold approach is very very effective when you know how to do it. Obviously you don't know how to approach.

Cut the attitude and stop making it personal if you want a debate. I have had success from cold approach but the reality is, online is far more efficient. It is a massive cope in the PUA community when they say you can only get uglier girls from online, nonsense. You can match with hotter girls, I often did before I got banned from the apps. I also went on dates with and pulled hot girls from online. Photos are everything.

Cold approach is just not efficient for the following reasons:

1. Go out to a bar or nightclub, most girls are not hot and the hot ones are in massive groups meant to ****block

2. Go out even to do daygame, you might get 10 sets in if you are lucky assuming you have standards. How many of those girls are single? By nature, most girls on dating apps ARE single

Even the best daygamers I have known rarely crack a lay count of over 50 in a year.

 

[mikedee]

I have also seen more people, particularly girls, will go out with their boyfriends to bars or just to take pictures with their friends for socials. I really rarely see girls keen and looking to meeting new people at bars.

Difficult to pull HOT girls from the bar, its a matter of luck more than anything else. It's possible but very unlikely.

 

[Hamurabimbi]

I don’t think it was a conscious thing such as ‘I’m going to go Downtown Saturday and talk to women.’. Rather. ‘Oh. There’s a festival Downtown. I’ll go.’. And. Sometimes interesting things happened. Sometimes not.

 

[Hamurabimbi]

Cut the attitude and stop making it personal if you want a debate. I have had success from cold approach but the reality is, online is far more efficient. It is a massive cope in the PUA community when they say you can only get uglier girls from online, nonsense. You can match with hotter girls, I often did before I got banned from the apps. I also went on dates with and pulled hot girls from online. Photos are everything.

Cold approach is just not efficient for the following reasons:

1. Go out to a bar or nightclub, most girls are not hot and the hot ones are in massive groups meant to ****block

2. Go out even to do daygame, you might get 10 sets in if you are lucky assuming you have standards. How many of those girls are single? By nature, most girls on dating apps ARE single

Even the best daygamers I have known rarely crack a lay count of over 50 in a year.

Best part about OLD is if they match you. You’re already fvckable to her.

 

[mikedee]

Cut the attitude and stop making it personal if you want a debate. I have had success from cold approach but the reality is, online is far more efficient. It is a massive cope in the PUA community when they say you can only get uglier girls from online, nonsense. You can match with hotter girls, I often did before I got banned from the apps. I also went on dates with and pulled hot girls from online. Photos are everything.

Cold approach is just not efficient for the following reasons:

1. Go out to a bar or nightclub, most girls are not hot and the hot ones are in massive groups meant to ****block

2. Go out even to do daygame, you might get 10 sets in if you are lucky assuming you have standards. How many of those girls are single? By nature, most girls on dating apps ARE single

Even the best daygamers I have known rarely crack a lay count of over 50 in a year.

No attitude Jesse, you're just ridiculous.
50 lays per year, who cares? Not important at all.
You spend way to much energy on trying to get women, and you're always pissed off when somebody challenges you. Grow up man.
Stop those stupid threads, I wonder why you came back..

 

[Jesse Pinkman]

No attitude Jesse, you're just ridiculous.
50 lays per year, who cares? Not important at all.
You spend way to much energy on trying to get women, and you're always pissed off when somebody challenges you. Grow up man.
Stop those stupid threads, I wonder why you came back..

You personally went at me, if you are debating someone, go at the point. You did not go at my point and you say spend too much energy on getting women, you just proved your own point wrong. Online dating by nature is less energy to get women, daygame by nature is a lot of it.

 

[BPH]

I had a cold approaching log in Miami that went for 50+ pages and I did have occasional success with it. To say I have it out for cold approach is just asinine given that I dedicate time to it and still do cold approach. However, it is not out of line to say that cold approach is just not that efficient of a method to meet women if your goal is to get lots of women. Someone with a nice online dating profile will beat your lay count with higher quality women over and over again.

The other thing is that the bar is not that high to get into the top 20% online. In fact, pro photos do set you apart a lot. I am banned from the apps so I had to rely on cold approach.

By all means, I applaud guys who cold approach but having looked at the numbers based on dudes I know, dudes who solely rely on cold approach are not putting up the best results.

Well then the argument becomes quality.

I don't know about you but I don't see a lot of hot girls on the apps, some, but not a lot. Why is that? Because the hot ones don't need it. They snap their fingers and can have a lineup of guys ready to fly them out or wine and dine them with the hope of getting in their pants.

I'm sure there are plenty of guys who beat my lay count, but in my experience, they are unattractive dudes who sleep with whatever woman they can get, regardless of how hot or ugly she is.

I forget where the statistic was mentioned, but women had a tendency to be MORE picky on dating apps and LESS picky in person, while men were generally the opposite. I'm not saying you should exclusively do one or the other, but I hardly think anybody is KILLING IT on dating apps unless they have all their s*** together, are in great shape, young, rich, and have social media to back them up.

When I go up to a hot girl in a bar I have none of those things (well, the great shape part). Yet I still get results. In person it's much easier to punch above your weight, on dating apps you have to settle for being this girl's 2465th backup - if she's even real.

A good anecdote comes down to my last 2 exes I was in serious relationships with:

Tinder - Very hot, much wealthier than me, great sex. BPD, abusive upbringing, created drama, frequent fights, drug problem, very real chance she'll end up alone or with a husband she'll wear the pants in a relationship with. We lasted about 9 months with several very severe fights; notably around Christmas time and Valentine's Day.

Approaching - Also hot, but less hot than the other ex, a little wealthier than me, also great sex. Stable, loving, affectionate, loyal, very sweet, family's a bit of a mess but not nearly as much so as the other ex. Genuinely a great woman, we just didn't end up together because she was ready to settle down and I was not, so I broke up with her so she could meet the husband she's married to now - who she wouldn't have met if she waited for me to change my mind like she originally wanted to do. I met her in an Atlantic City night club, alone, while she was with another hot friend, after having a dude tear my button-down halfway open trying to fight me because I made out with a girl he was interested in earlier in the night. We lasted a little over year, never had a fight.

Both can work, but I run into the latter a lot more often than the former...and like I said, I had a modeling contract...so if I'm not doing great on the dating apps I wonder how much "better" the guys are who do well on them.

 

[mikedee]

You personally went at me, if you are debating someone, go at the point. You did not go at my point and you say spend too much energy on getting women, you just proved your own point wrong. Online dating by nature is less energy to get women, daygame by nature is a lot of it.

Alright man, keep approaching sets with your wingman in Miami while I juggle with that 21yo Ukrainian virgin and that 19yo Slovak model.
I'm messing with you
Cheers!

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

I think OLD is probably superior if you need a new woman every week.

 

[DreamAgain]

@Jesse Pinkman I would recommend you to pivot out of miami into another city, it is a terrible place for dating for many reasons. It is a transient place that given the current technological landscape, will funnel the desirable women into guys who have the wealth, looks, and social status that is very difficult to achieve, if not impossible, for many guys. Even you as an above average guy probably can't realistically work your way here unless you have a huge financial gain in the near future. Also, you probably even being above average, do not look like a male model, which is perfectly ok.

I would echo LA being of a similar sentiment.

Look at this guy, he has looks and status yet his tinder matches (to be fair tinder is dead) are very pedestrian. He has volume but quality is terrible:

 

[We_ArE_VeNOM]

.

You ain't a true alpha/don unless you cold approach.

It is what separates the men from the boys.

The pups from the wolves.

The kittens from the lions.