Help! I'm turning into the 40 year old virgin

[freefalling]

Week 35 Update (So Frustrated and Having Fun)

Oneitis:
No contact. My friend hung out with her. He mentioned me. She said I was an *******, but wouldn’t tell him why. I got a sick feeling in my stomach when he said that. He tells me that her druggy boyfriend is sleeping over there almost every night. So Oneitis has kicked me to the curb again. It is strange because I scheduled a super date with her (concert) for July. How it that going to work? I already bought the tickets.

Gym Girl:
Never called me.

Vacation Girl:
This girl can be hard to talk to. The conversation doesn’t just flow. She doesn’t get my sense of humor, I say sarcastic things and she thinks I am serious. Also she is keeping a picture of us in her wallet. What is that all about?

So that’s what you are into easy women? Because you are going to find out that I am not easy at all, she says after I tell a joke.

I take her to a museum, I pay the admission fee. I take her out to eat, I pay the bill. I ask her if she wants to watch a movie at my place. She hesitates. She tells me she doesn’t want to do anything that involves her clothes coming off. She seems to like the idea of kissing through.

I watch the movie we lie side by side on the couch with me holding her. She talks during the movie, which is cool because I am a movie talker.

At the end of the movie the credits are playing and I mention something about kissing. Then I brush her hair away from her ear. She asks me what I am doing then gives me a weird face and the moment is ruined.

I wonder what the hell is going on. Why am I getting static for trying to kiss her? I decide that the problem was I let the moment be awkward by chickening out on the kiss at the first sign of trouble, I should have just done it without showing fear.

I brush her hair away from her ear again. She gives me the same weird look. I just lean in and go for it. She turns her head away. Then she says tells me to stop I am being too obvious.

I’ve never been rejected for a kiss before. It was horrible. I turn forward and watch the credits without saying anything. Why is she doing this to me? I had sex (sort of) with this girl and now I can’t even kiss her?

She asks me if I am mad. I try and pretend that I’m not upset and say that as long as what she said is not a bad thing then I’ll be ok with it. I’m still shocked by what happened and I go back to watching the credits without saying anything. She sits close to me and puts her hand near mine. I think she wants me to hold it, but I can’t because my hand is sweaty and gross.

We walk out to my car. I have to try to kiss her here because trying at her house will be too obvious. I kiss her before we get into the car. It goes ok, but she looks upset again. I ask her what is wrong, she tells me that I left her hanging and she wanted the kiss to last a little longer. I give her one last kiss then drop her off.

She text messages me right after I drop her off that she had a good time. She has been text messaging me all weekend, so I assume she is still into me. I have no idea what this girl’s motives are or what she is thinking.

Bar Scene:
Twice this week I had a girl talking to me then she would move in really close so that she would be rubbing up against me. I didn’t really know what to do and they left both times. I went crazy talking to people, not just women, but everyone. I don’t know why, but there is some sort of weird synergy that happens when everyone seems to know you, it makes it so much easier to talk to women. I met a male bartender who gave me free drinks, an older guy, and had long conversations with at least 6 women. I actually held back because of Vacation Girl. What is going on here? Are we dating? I never brought it up with her. I am getting a strong impression that she isn’t going to be cool with me seeing multiple people.

My life:
Has been pretty amazing. I have been on a crazy run ever since going to the city with Oneitis. Vacations, comedy shows, concerts every weekend I have done something cool. I’m not sure how to describe this…
When I would talk to people before I would ask them questions and tell them stories from my past. Then I would run out of stories to tell and I would have nothing to say.
Then I had crazy bar stories to tell, but those got old after a while too.
Now it seems like every week I have completely new stories to tell and I feel like I can contribute something unique to the conversation and I never run out of things to say.

 

[d9930380]

Sounds all good. Yea man, kick Oneitus to the curb, based on her boyfriends, She's not the right girl for you. Don't worry that the guys she likes are *******s, chances are is she is as well and doesn't need saved. You can judge people by their friends/boyfriends and that's what she wants, it's not a reflexion on you.

Vacation Girl : Sounds like she's teasing you, she could be thinking that you could be a potential boyfriend but she wants to increase your attraction to her first. She's letting you know that she wants more than sex. Don't let her push you around but don't take anything too personal, just be cool with it. Read the signs better, when she wants to kiss, kiss her and don't stop until she pulls away. The picture in the wallet already sounds like she's a bit mentally unstable, she could be VERY clingy, not neccessarily a bad thing. You still mention that you're paying for everything, is that nessesary?

Chances are, she won't let you screw her again until you've past the boyfriend tests.

 

[So Many Ways]

Your ability to beat yourself up without due cause is beyond amazing. Stop punishing yourself and instead look at all the growth you've accomplished in such a short period of time. I'm in the same situation as you and it's much easier to look at the negatives instead of the positives, I would know. Were you able to do what you're doing now a year ago? Think about that.

Also, change that username.

 

[YourStallion]

I actually read this thread and I feel used. At the start you seemed to have a goal, but in the end you did absolutely nothing.

The reason you're failing is that you think "change" is an external activity.

Change comes from within. You can put all the social masks you want on, but you're still the same person and you're still the same insecure, low self-esteem guy you were when you started. Sure you did some external things, but you're still have the same negative thought processes.

Your number one problem is that you define your self worth on external forces that you cannot control. In this case it's the ***** that dumped you 5 years ago. You have to learn that your self worth needs to be defined from the inside out. Until you realize and accomplish this, you'll never be able to move on, and you'll never be able to live a happy life.

Like someone said before, it's easier to stay in this hurtful situation than moving into the unknown future. You're too weak as an individual to leave your comfort zone. You need to start working on your inside.

As well, that oneitus ***** is using you. (No it'll never be sexual)

You're the one in control whether you want to awknowledge it or not.

 

[freefalling]

Week 36 Update (Vacation Girl Sex Part II)

I’m out on a boat watching the chick I met on vacation kiss one of her girl friends. Her friend sucks on her tongue as she pulls away. I wonder if she is a better kisser then me. Vacation girl has been drinking all day and is pretty much wasted. It is amazing how much easier it is to fool around with her when she has been drinking.

We are out on this guy’s boat pretty much all day drinking. The boat is docked outside this really cool beach bar that has an awesome band playing. We can hear the band from the boat. Later on we get off the boat and go to the bar. There is no way I could have set up a date like this last year.

This date probably represents the peak of my social life. I don’t think I have any plans next week. The best part was that I asked vacation girl out to something that I was already going to do, it didn’t matter if she said yes or no. Either way I was going to have fun and the beach bar was full of women.

I was pretty shocked when she said that she had plans. I told her to let me know if her plans cleared up for the weekend and got off the phone. It was pretty depressing. I came about as close as you can to having sex with her, then I can’t kiss her, finally I couldn’t set up a date with her. With her and Oneitis gone I was pretty much going to have to start over. She called back later in the week to let me know she was canceling her plans.

Later that night I walk into the room and she is completely naked in bed. It takes me by surprise, but I take off my clothes and start kissing her. I kiss her all over. This goes on for a while, I keep waiting for her to ask me to **** her like the last time, but she doesn’t. I start running out of ideas on what to do. I start to finger her. This goes on for a while then she asks me why I’m not having sex with her. She wants to know if something is wrong.

All my life I’ve been looking for signs from women so I know it is ok to take the next step. Is it ok to kiss her? Wait for her to touch her lips. Should I stick my knee in her crotch and start grinding while dancing? Wait for her to dance close to me. Does she want me to **** her? Wait for her to ask me to ****. Most of the time there is no sign. In every part of courtship it is up to the guy to just make the move and it is up to the girl to decide if she likes what is happening. Looking for these signs was just a way that I came up with to protect myself from being rejected.

I slip on the condom and we star to have ****. I ask her if she is ok. She tells me that it still hurts, but it feels really good and to keep going. Once again I’m nervous and I wonder if I am going to be able to get off while using a condom. She keeps splitting her legs as far apart as possible. I try putting her knees behind my shoulders I stop and she goes back to the split, but with just one leg. I decide I don’t care and start going faster. The sounds she is making are really turning me on. Then she tells me to stop because it hurts too much.

I ask her what is going on. She gets to dry sometimes when she drinks too much or thinks too much. I tell her it no big deal and the next time I will just bring something for that. She gets upset she doesn’t want too use anything because we are two adults and we should just be able to have sex normally. Then she tells me that it would have been ok if I hadn’t waited so long, but she was tired and the waiting made her think.

I pretend that it doesn’t bother me and tell her I am so happy she came out and hold her and kiss her. Although what happend was technically sex I really don't consider it sex.

There are some big differences in her personality and mine. I don’t think she understands the concept of sarcasm. I still have a lot of fun hanging out with her though and she seems to really like me. I still haven’t talked with her about where we stand. I have been acting like a complete AFC around her. I couldn’t understand why at first. I think it is because I am having success with women and I am actually in new situations with them and I don’t know what to do so I just revert back to my natural self. All the stuff I read about was always about meeting the girl and opening the girl. I guess it is good to know that if you are sexually confident and show the girl a good time you can still be an AFC and get sex.

I am getting the feeling that she is really into me. I am also getting the feeling that she would be happy to just date me and no one else. Is there a way to make this a good experience for this girl without giving in and dating her exclusively?

 

[d9930380]

Why not date her exclusively?

You sound like the type of guy that doesn't like to hurt a girl's feelings. Therefore because you see it not working long term - you don't want anything at all. That's not the right thing to do - Noble yes, right no.

Most people have MANY relationships before they settle on just one person, it's our way of figuring out what type of person we REALLY like. It's normal and healthy. We learn alot from each one and it also gives us confidence for the next one. It's selfish, but the truth is most people get into relationships so THEY can get something out of it - alot of the times it's just regular sex.

Don't worry about it ending before it's even begun. She might surprise you and be the one, chances are she isn't and therefore you will break up. Just have the balls to do it when you feel it's time and don't string her along beyond that.

BTW - Foget about being the guy with 5 girlfriends on the go at once like some of these guys here, you don't sound the type and that's not a bad thing. Remember being a Don Juin is an attitude, it's not how many you get to ****.

 

[freefalling]

Week 37 Update (Can't Seal the Deal)

Vacation girl’s friend sticks her entire body out the sunroof of my car and screams at the top of her lungs. I wonder what will happen if a cop sees her sticking out of my car and pulls me over. Her friend pulls herself back in the car and is telling me she can’t believe I’ve never smoked pot before. She tells me that I have to try it. Vacation girl sticks herself out the sunroof and flashes everyone on the highway.

I hid condoms in the trunk of my car. I was assuming tonight would be the night we were going to have sex, but now it isn’t looking so good. I’m not going to go into the details of how it happened, but she thinks I just want to have sex with her and I don’t like her personality. I try telling her it isn’t true, but she doesn’t believe me.

I am still having trouble with her at the club. She doesn’t believe what I say. It’s like she is trying to pick a fight with me. I wonder if it is just her way of avoiding having sex with me, because it was so bad the other two times. I pretend what she is saying is no big deal, even though I am freaking out.

There was one moment in the club where I seemed to do something right. I tried to kiss her and she turned her head. So I smiled like I thought it was funny and spanked her. Then grabbed her hand and took her over to my friends. Then I tried to kiss her again and she let me. I’m turning into that weird guy who you always see kissing girls at the bar.

On the walk back to the car she tells me that I might as well see what everyone else saw on the highway and flashes me. I lean in and start sucking on her nipple with everyone standing right behind her. When I do stuff like that I am always expecting the girl to get upset, but in this case it turns out to be the right move because she is all over me after that.

Later on we are in bed and she is complaining that she is tired and has a headache. I give up on the idea of having sex with her. We fool around and end up completely naked. She tells me she doesn’t have a headache anymore. I don’t try and have sex with her, I left the condoms in the car and I am worried that the sex will be bad because she is tired and drunk. I just talk about stuff until she falls asleep.

After she falls asleep I start having strong regrets that I didn’t try and have sex with her. It’s also obvious that she is a completely different person then me. I think it is strange that I can have a girl in bed with me and still be unhappy. There is no real guarantee that I will actually have sex. I’ve always thought of myself as a nice guy. I can’t help but think that an ******* would have ****ed her. I get the feeling sometimes that girls don’t want a nice guy. I feel like I am going to pay for being a nice guy by never having sex again. I spend a little while looking at her body naked body then I fall asleep.

 

[NorPacWolf]

What A Wonderful Read

omg, I love this thread! So frigging honest! I can't believe I haven't read it before. Honestly, I thought the title was a little "gimmicky," which is why I avoided it at first. I didn't have time to read the entire thread in detail obviously, but I tried to skim through as many posts as possible to get a sense of your development and progression. Sorry to ramble like this, but reading this thread and your posts in particular really, really is like reading a fine novel.

A few impressions:

1. I think I've finally found my match in terms of self defeating thinking. Actually, I take that back. I think my problem is more sheer ignorance, whereas your situation involves a great deal more negativity about your own self worth.

2. You are definitely over-analyzing everything. I remember someone writing a response to one of my posts saying: 'he asks how to kill the bunny, while the bunny is laying prone on the ground, and he's got his claws out.' Or something to that effect. The booty is right in front of you, and you make an excuse not to take it. Amazing! Take it, dude!

3. I don't have a good sense of where all of this self hatred comes from, but find out what the source is, and stamp it out. I'd say at least 99.999% of of your negative thoughts are complete fabrications of your imagination.

4. Did I say how entertaining and gripping this thread is? It's like subscribing to chapter vignettes from an ebook or online novel! Great stuff!

Anyway, this is all just completely off the cuff, and I know I'm rambling a bit, but jeez, it's damm entertaining I say!

Keep pushing forward, bro. In conclusion, your progression has been amazing. Just put the negative thinking aside. That's your only problem.

Wolf

 

[Vulpine]

Later on we are in bed and she is complaining that she is tired and has a headache. I give up on the idea of having sex with her. We fool around and end up completely naked. She tells me she doesn’t have a headache anymore. I don’t try and have sex with her, I left the condoms in the car and I am worried that the sex will be bad because she is tired and drunk. I just talk about stuff until she falls asleep.

Here's what you do:

1. Say, "Hold on a sec, sorry. I have to run out to the car."
2. Throw on some shorts, run out to you car, retrieve the rubbers, return.
3. Then you say: "This night brought to you in part by... Trojan! *Flash condoms* America's #1 trusted name in condoms!"
4. Toss condoms aside, tickle her, then kiss her and start from scratch with the foreplay.


What you DON'T do is "Not have sex because I left the rubbers in the car." Sure, leaving the rubbers in the car is a mood kill. But, the suspense can actually work as a build-up in the woman's brain.

I think at some unconscious level you actually left the rubbers in the car on purpose as an excuse to not have sex with this chick.

 

[realsmoothie]

Wow... I was reading that last post going "oh please don't mention that he left the rubbers in the car on purpose..." and then you threw it in at the last minute.

Dangit!

So true. If you're that focused on getting laid, and don't even bring the condoms into the house with you, geez.

I have them on me at all times. ALL TIMES. TWO of them.

 

[vl0071]

Talk about over analysing.

Regarding Oneitus. This girl is a sphycho and believe me you wouldn't want a person like this (well maybe to root..ever). I had one of these about 6 years ago and I know how ****ed up they are on the inside. Furthermore they are the easiest to **** as well if you know which buttons to push.


Anyhow, invite her over to your place one day. Fluff talk her for a bit jokes are good too but do not ever mention the b/f!. When the conversation is good tell her that you have a back ache and as she is such a good friend she should give you a massage. Get her to give you one on the bed then tell her that she suck and return the favour (should relax her a bit). After this, fluff talk her a bit more and then go in for the kiss (you should be kissing her for a least 10 minutes before you try to touch her private bits). Actually go read David DeAngelo book about sex and follow that. Remember foreplay should be at least 30 minutes before you stick your thing in and you better not be a 2 minute noodle man either!

I think you are getting there with your game but you have to realise that if you are going for a LTR the PUs stuff will not work.

 

[freefalling]

Week 38 Update (I HAVE SEX, thank you God!)

This is for being to lazy to come over last week I say and smack vacation girl’s naked ass. I’ve always enjoyed spanking girls, but it was her request that I give her a reason for each spanking I give her. She seems to love it.

There is no way I could have ever got her to this point with traditional dating. I probably would have dated her for 3 months spent hundreds of dollars and got dumped before I ever had sex. Somehow though I managed to circumvent the entire process by kissing her 15 minutes into our conversation and taking her back to my hotel room the first night I met her.

I manage to avoid the dryness and painful sex this time. She has me wet her and the tip of the condom before I go in. Once I am inside her I make sure to go very slow just to make sure that she has time to get wet.

Once again I was nervous that I wouldn’t be able to get off with the condom, but as I listen to her moan I begin to let go and realize that it is going to be ok.

And then just like that it is over.

38 weeks of trying so hard to get somewhere and failing. Picking myself to try again never even knowing if I will get to where I want to go. What an emotional experience. The past 38 weeks have also been the best time of my life since I was an 18 year old in high school. What an amazing surprise to have this happen at this time in my life.

When I first came here I was seriously contemplating that my life might be over and the best times were behind me. All my friends were getting married off, I was getting older and I felt trapped. Instead on this journey I have had the type of experiences I thought were lost in my youth. Especially when I kissed Oneitis for the first time. Have you ever had that feeling? Wanting something so bad, but being so terrified to try for it. Then actually getting it. What an amazing feeling.

This is going to be my last post in this thread. I’m nowhere close to where I need to be with women, but hopefully I am pointed in the right direction to get to that place.

I just want to thank everyone who took the time to write here. It may not have seemed like it based on my actions, but I always read everything posted and it had an impact on me.

You guys have seen a side of me that no one who meets me in my life will ever see. Thank you for helping me through one of the lowest and best periods of my life.

 

[willtmail]

Wow, that was amazing, freefalling. You're freaking hilarious, do you know that? You should definitely look into writing as a career.

Congrats.