Help! I'm turning into the 40 year old virgin

[Tazman]

Man......why do you want to do this to yourself? You need her to blatantly hurt your feelings for you to get the message? You KNOW you have oneitis yet you proceed any way. I think it defeats the purpose of everything you've done to improve yourself.

 

[freefalling]

I just called her.

We talked for about 5 minutes. She was at some family party. I asked her how her weekend went. I told her how mine went. She said she would like to hang out with my friends this weekend and that she had already called one of them who she also knows. Then she told me she had better go. I asked her if she would be around later to talk. She said she had to wake up early the next day so not really. So I said bye talk to you later.

No one who is even slightly interested behaves like that.

After I got off the phone I felt angry and at the same time I felt like I wanted to cry. I know the whole problem is in my mind, I don’t know how to get rid of these feelings. I’m never going to talk to her again if I can avoid it and if she asks me out I am just going to turn her down.

 

[Tazman]

I know the whole problem is in my mind, I don’t know how to get rid of these feelings.

The absolute best cure for this is to have no contact with the oneitis and get with OTHER WOMEN!! You may want to reconsider your standards, they seem to be a bit on the high side. Don't completely write off less attractive girls if you haven't been with ANY female for a very long time. If you don't have your **** together you can't expect women who are in high demand to give you the green light.

 

[freefalling]

Week 25 update (drunk)

I probably still drunk right now. So this may not make sense 100%.

My female wing is going to get a dog. We are at the pet store and we are watching the dog walk around the store floor. Look how timid he is, he is just like you, she says to me. I look at this tiny 5 pound dog inching its way across the floor. This makes her think of me?

Oneitis calls me up, she needs help fixing her computer. I tell her what to do and then she has to go. I lose my resolve never to call her again. I call her and leave her a message. She calls and leaves me a message. I call her again and leave a message. She calls me again.

I ask her if she wants to come out this weekend and hang out with my friends. She seemed excited to do it before, but now she doesn’t know if she can make it. Apparently she is getting back together with her boyfriend. My emotions are so out of control when it comes to her. I was supposed to act like nothing she says phases me, but as she talks about her boyfriend I feel this rising feeling of anger. The she tells me she has to go. I tell her to let me know if she is going to stay with him or break up. I sound so angry when I say it. I am out of control. I tell her I have a personal interest in what the answer is going to be.

I call her today and get her voicemail. I leave her a message asking her to go out. She never even calls me back. Then when I am really drunk at the end of the night I send her a text message telling her she should have come out because she would have had fun.

I am sitting at a table at a bar talking to these three girls. I know one of them. The other two I have never met before. I look at them both and decide they are both hot enough to have sex with. Things are going good. It is so easy to talk to a girl who is a friend of a friend. It is so much easier then the bar scene.

One of them has what looks like a wedding ring. She is out. I can’t tell with the other. She is a HB9. She is a little bit boring, but I don’t mind. We are really hitting it off. I have a set of questions that I ask girls. What is your dream job? What is your wedding going to be like? How many kids do you want? Really? Because I want 8 kids. How do you feel about having 8 kids? She is eating them up. Then I find out she has a boyfriend. She wants to marry him. He lives 3 hours away. They have not seen each other in 1 month. He is her Oneitis, wasting her youth. So she is out too.

She starts talking about setting me up with one of her friends. I take this as a good sign. She must think I am attractive if she is going to set me up? I pretend not to be interested, because I know it is a trap. She asks me what type of woman I am into.

I want a HB 8+ who has a halfway decent personality and who will be willing to have sex with me so I wont feel like I wasted my life when I am on my death bed.

I tell her I don’t really have a type of women. She starts listing girls. My friend steps in to protect me. That girl is too *****y. That girl weights 300 pounds. She is trying to set me up with ugly girls. Sucks.

I talk to a girl at the bar tonight. Things are going really well. Then her boyfriend shows up. It is hard to say what the answer is here. I go out every week and come back empty handed. I don’t know what the answer is. It probably all goes back to me being timid. It seems like everything here is tied to my fears, if I could just get over my fear, maybe things would work out.

 

[driver55]

Keep your head up

Chin up bud...

You will get better. At least you are getting out and have friends and get to talk to people. That is alot more than some people can say...Keep trucking dude. You will eventually learn to put your fears aside. Oh, and try to forget about oneitis. Actually, don't try. DO IT.

 

[Tazman]

Well, it seems like this is just a diary and you aren't really asking for advice, especially since you seem to be a glutton for punishment.

My female wing is going to get a dog. We are at the pet store and we are watching the dog walk around the store floor. Look how timid he is, he is just like you, she says to me. I look at this tiny 5 pound dog inching its way across the floor. This makes her think of me?

I'm pretty sure you know this is really, REALLY bad. The only good thing about it is that it's coming from a girl you aren't trying to hook up with (or are you?). I'm shy, but I've never been called timid because I do stand up for myself and I don't let people disrespect me without a fight (verbal or physical).

Oneitis calls me up, she needs help fixing her computer. I tell her what to do and then she has to go. I lose my resolve never to call her again. I call her and leave her a message.

You seem to be ignoring any advice about how to deal with oneitis so you DESERVE all this heartache for continuing to emasculate yourself with this behavior.

She starts talking about setting me up with one of her friends. I take this as a good sign. She must think I am attractive if she is going to set me up?

It doesn't really matter at this point. Tell me, after all you've posted WHY do you feel an hb8+ you meet at a bar should want to have sex with you? Honestly, why are you aiming so high when you're having such a hard time, and having a girl tell you you're "timid" just like a little dog? If you think having sex with a pretty girl is going to solve your problems your in for real treat. Look at all this effort you're putting in with no results, you need to stop stressing this so much and start living your life and be happy with yourself otherwise you'll enter a vicious cycle, which already seems to be happening. Feels good doesn't it?

 

[freefalling]

Week 26 update (Oneitis come out with friends)

I’m not going to go into the details of why I would bring Oneitis out with my friends and taint the one good thing I have, but here is what happened. Bringing a girl to a bar is not a good idea if you are an AFC. I learned this the hard way. The bars are like survival of the fittest and I am weak. All the fears I had about bringing her out came true.

I go out with one rule. Showing jealously is equal to suicide.

I knew 6 girls that night, but it didn’t seem to help that much.

We walk in the bar and right away she sees some guy she has not seen in a while. He is really buff. They start grinding front to front. I see her give him her phone number. Great, maybe I have just helped her meet her future husband.

Later on the same guy finds us again. She introduces him to me. He grabs my hand and pushes me backwards. There is nothing friendly about it and I look like an idiot when he does it. He mentions something about me being old.

The dancing is a disaster. She tells me that I need to move my arms when I dance. Why does everything in life come down to me not moving my arms?

She tries to show me some complicated dance moves that I don’t get. Then when I fail she tells me that I should just copy one of my friends. I spent the past months trying to learn how to dance and she doesn’t even think I know how to dance.

I try to side to side grind with her, and she is the first girl I have ever had this not work on. I can’t find my rhythm with her. At one point I hit her to hard night at the Roxbury style and she actually gets pushed over a couple feet to the right.

We are dancing in a circle and I see a guy he keeps grinding with her butt to butt. They keep going down to the floor. Then he will walk away for a couple seconds and come back and do it again. I’m impressed, he has some sort of take two steps forward take one step back dance style, it really seems to work I could learn from this guy. Except the problem is it is working with Oneitis. I need to stop him, but how can I? If I try and grind with her then I am ruining her fun and being jealous. If I don’t then he keeps going.

He starts grinding with her back to front and pulls her back towards his group.

I get this feeling sometimes… it must be jealously. It starts with extreme anger, I’m so mad and I want to lash out, then after the anger is gone there is just sadness and I want to cry.

This is what I feel when I see her kiss this guy on the cheek. This guy just got further then me in 15 minutes then I have in 3 years. I am being sandwich grinded from front to back by two of my girl friends. I am so upset by the kiss I forget to dance and just stop moving. Both of them are trying to figure out why I stopped dancing. I start dancing again.

I look over there again. He is grinding her from behind and his friend is grinding her from the front. She is surrounded by four guys. This upsets me so badly that I stop moving again and I throw the girls out of rhythm. One of the girls sees where I am looking and the look on my face and figures out what is happening.

I walk off the dance floor and look away. I take a long drink of my beer. I want to get drunk. This sucks. I can’t even get drunk I am the designated driver. I have nowhere to go. I walk back to the dance floor and my girlfriend starts grinding with me front to front. I fake smile and pretend to be having fun. I want to cry.

Finally Oneitis comes back. I imagine this guy is going to take her home tonight. I can see him standing there with his friends looking at her. He is going to start dancing with her again soon.

I have to try and do something. I am so angry. I start grinding with her back to front. Then I twist her around and we are facing each other. She keeps her distance from me.

It’s over. I can’t even get her to grind with me. I have nothing to lose so I grab her and pull her forward to me. I stick my knee in between her legs and do my best to rub up against her *****. This is only the 3rd time I have ever tried to grind like this. The other two times only lasted for a minutes or so. Her leg is rubbing up against my **** and I can feel it smacking up against her. I wonder if this is supposed to happen or if I am out of line. She starts rubbing up against my legs, and I can feel her breast rubbing up against me. For the rest of the night I alternate between dancing beside her, or grinding back or front.

The guy gets sick of watching and leaves.

At one point she is grinding with one of my friends and I smack her in the ass. Another time the “I like big butts” song is on and I reach down and grab her ass. She punches me, but it is in a joking way.

I especially make sure to be grinding with her at the end of the night because I am afraid that guy is out there somewhere waiting to swoop in at the last second and steal her from me.

Later on we are out in the parking lot. We keep play fighting. I grab her and tickle her. We keep hugging. I have her jump up on me. She locks her legs around me and I spin her around. I kiss her on the forehead.

I never tongue kissed her. I’ve thought a lot about why I didn’t do it. I think it just comes down to lack of confidence in myself and fear. I’m sure she would have kissed me.

I drive her home and she wraps her arms around one of my arms and falls asleep on my shoulder. I am so lonely. It would make me so happy to sleep in the same bed as her. I try and pretend that I don’t mind being along, but having a girl would make me so happy. I wake her up when we get to her place and ask her if she wants me to put her to bed. She declines and gives me a long hug goodnight.

Why can't I listen to everyone including myself and let her go? I don't know. I just feel like I can't do better then her. I couldn't even get a girl in the past 6 months and even if I could Oneitis has such an awesome personality and an amazing body I wonder if I could even find another girl who would be as good.

 

[freefalling]

Week 27 update (Oneitis slipping away)

Oh god it has been over 6 months and I still have not gotten with anyone.

On Sunday I start making a mixed CD for Oneitis. I will give it to her as a present when we go out on Thursday.

On Monday I call Oneitis. I ask her out on Thursday. She can’t go, she is going to a party. I ask her out on Friday. She can’t go she is going to another party where the guys are paired off with girls. I ask her out for Saturday. She says she can probably go, but she has to work at 6:00am so she wont really be able to party.

Then I make plans with her someday in the future to fly to another city for a weekend. I offer to pay for the hotel room. She says she can pay for her own hotel room. I insist on paying.

On Tuesday I realize that asking her to fly away to another city and pay for the hotel room was a stupid idea and I try to recover. I write her an email telling her that I like the way things are going between us right now and I don’t want to mess it up. I tell her that I am going to be responsible and say that we really are not in a good place to go on a trip like that. Then I write that I would like to go to her place after work on Wednesday. I write that she can cook me dinner and I will provide the music. She can’t because she has a family party on Wednesday, but she invites me to that instead.

On Wednesday I go to her family party. I get pissed off and it shows. First because she spends to long talking to a childhood guy friend and I get jealous. Second because she tells me that she will never cook dinner for me, not in a joking way, but completely serious. I try and pretend that I was acting pissed because I had not eaten and kind of recover for the second half. I can’t really make a move on her with her entire family around. She tries play fighting with me multiple times and like some sort of idiot savant I can’t figure out what to do. I am missing so many of the most basic social skills. She walks me out to my car, but I never make a move. I am afraid because she is not drunk and someone might be watching. I never play my CD for her. Later on when I am home alone I decide that I need to forget about Saturday and try and get her drunk next Friday and this time just go for the kiss. My life has hit such a low that I now depend on alcohol to help me get with women. I used to be a proud guy and would have never considered doing something like that in the past.

On Thursday I go out with friends and meet a really attractive girl. We are stuck sitting together so it is perfect. I barrage her with a bunch of questions. She seems to have zero interest in talking to me. I wonder if it is a looks thing. Does the endless stream of questioning only work on attention *****s? A guy sitting across the table from me asks for her number in the first 5 minutes of knowing her and gets shot down. I need to do stuff like that.

On Friday I go out to the bars. I am really drunk. I try dancing with different girls, but get shot down each time. Later in the night I text message Oneitis telling her that I will be asking her to come out next Friday. She never responds.

On Saturday Oneitis emails me, but never mentions my drunk text. I don’t write back to her. I go out to the bars again and the rejections are horrible. I smile at a girl and she puts her hand up in my face and tells me sorry I am not her type. Wonderful.

I plan on calling Oneitis on Monday and asking her out for Friday.

It is so strange that I have been trying to get with other girls and the closest I come to kissing a girl is with my Oneitis. I wonder why?

 

[billionthloser]

hi

the best things u can do is selling your story to directors who are filming tv series,because in america people are very interested in ''winner and loser conflict'' like a kid game,and the scenario is :the loser is starting to behave like winner and learn the rules of winning,and finally he wins,losers are generally men,and the women can be considered as active objects in the stories,u are going to get it.in turkey there is no ''loser concept''but as far as being a rich guy i understand deeply what it really means,american people like legends,and after CHANCER357 i hope u create your own legend,if i were u,i say to oneitis ''bend over to winners''

 

[freefalling]

Week 28 (First Kiss)

I don’t really understand how it happened, but Oneitis and I are dancing cheek to cheek. She just moved in and pressed her entire body up against mine. I’m breathing directly on her ear. I’m sweating so much. Beads of sweat are on my forehead, I wipe them away when I don’t think she is looking and more appear. I never sweated like this when I was young. I’m an old man, I don’t even belong here in the club. My lips are touching her ear now and I realize that this is the moment that I have to try and kiss her

Everything was going to plan. She had already had a lot to drink. She was being super friendly to me. I pick her up and spin her around and pin her against a wall. This is where I was supposed to kiss her, but instead I chicken out. Then shortly afterwards we are walking together arm and arm and she tells me she is going to get back together with her boyfriend. She says it is no big deal because she can still hang out with me.

I get a sick feeling in my stomach. It’s over for me, I can’t handle this anymore. The sick feeling is replaced by anger and I completely lose control.

I spend the rest of the night practically molesting her. I don’t even understand why I am doing it. I am just angry and I can’t stop myself. I stick my hand down her pants and pull up her underwear, I smack her ass, I ask her to take me into the bathroom and give me a blow job. I can feel a rising tension between us as everything starts to self-destruct. She starts avoiding me and hanging all over my guy friends. She tells them she can’t believe what I just said or did. They laugh it off, but you can tell they are shocked too.

Then close to the end of the night I pushed her into my friend to dance with him. When they started grinding I grabbed her ass and left to grind with another girl I know. Then I came back and now here I am with my **** rubbing up and down on her leg and my hand rubbing the side of her breast.

It’s been over 5 years since I last kissed a girl and I have no idea how to anymore. I tried practicing on a pillow before I went out. Besides being humiliating it didn’t even work, my pillow is extra firm and I couldn’t move my tongue. I tried kissing a spot on the wall to see how hard it would be to hit her lips. I ended up licking the wall, it had the most disgusting aftertaste ever. I hope I don’t have lead paint at my place.

I put my forehead up against hers. She is putting her head far down. I am assuming this is a bad sign and she doesn’t want to kiss me. She looks up, I start to go for the kiss and she looks down. I don’t even know if she saw me.

I wonder how many chances I am going to blow with her before I finally run out. She looks up again and I try and kiss her again. It looks to me like she was trying to turn at the last second, but it was too late and our lips meet.

Her lips are so soft. I try to stop kissing her after 3 seconds have gone by, I looked at some videos of first kisses and they all seem to last 3 seconds. But I can’t stop she just keeps kissing me over and over for what seems like forever.

She slept the whole car ride home and gave me a hug on the way out. I am assuming the hug is also a bad sign too. I don’t really care. I am so happy that I kissed her. For most people kissing a girl is no big deal, but for me it has been so many years, and I wanted to so badly.

I don’t even know what to do about her. How am I supposed to act around her? She will probably get back together with her boyfriend. I haven’t even called her. I really never had a plan beyond kissing her.

 

[shyguy32]

Well don't know whether to congratulate you or not, since your still working on this thing.


Dude sometimes you just have to move on.

I have one chick that really gets to me, I guess she's my oneitis. But I still hit on other chicks and talk to other chicks when she's around and hey if I get a chance to nail her I'm going to take it. But I'm not going to stop everything and fawn over her and keep being let down.

 

[freefalling]

Week 29 Update (Second Kiss)

I’m on the dance floor with Oneitis grinding front to back. We were grinding front to front but I decided to switch it up. I don’t understand why, but it always seems easier with a girl if I repeatedly back off and then try to go even further then before.

She takes both of my hands and puts them on her inner thigh. I rub them up towards her crotch then detour at the last minute and run them up her stomach and “accidentally” touch the bottom of her breasts. I repeat this a couple times then on the third time I don’t detour and run my hand right up the middle of her legs. I turn her around and start grinding front to front.

I wonder why sosuave doesn’t have a section put aside just for dancing. I never read anything about putting your hands on a girl’s inner thigh while dancing. It’s a great move.

Once again I am surprised to be on the dance floor with her. I heard from a friend that she was back together with her boyfriend. She called me on Tuesday. She used the word friend when referring to me. I ignored it and made plans to take a day trip with her a couple weeks from now. Then she called me again on Friday because she had a bad day at work. I asked her if she wanted to come out and she said yes.

In the car ride over she mentioned her boyfriend. I started to freak out, but I was so happy about the kiss last week that I decided to let it slide. She got in a fight with him, but she regrets yelling at him and telling him to go away. I wonder how she could ever think that I would be the proper audience for this story.

Then she says that in her defense he really wasn’t listening to her so he really wasn’t being a good friend. I smile. Looks like I’m not the only one dealing with the friend zone here.

On the dance floor we keep slowly spinning around. I am blowing in her ear and watching all around me. I can see that line of guys on the edge of the dance floor. I’m sure they are all watching me. What else is there to do? I wonder if someone is going to cause a problem for me. We are all over each other and I’m sure it is attracting all sorts of bad attention. I need to get her to kiss me in private and I have no idea how.

She spends the whole night talking to my friends and practically ignoring me. They are so much better at this then me. Somehow everything they say has a sexual innuendo. I’m talking to her about something I saw on the news, she is talking to them about having sex doggy style.

I ask her if she wants to dance. She doesn’t. She tells me she doesn’t want to drink anymore either. I begin to realize that we are not going to kiss tonight. It’s over. I start to get upset, but then I just let it go. That first kiss made me so happy.

Towards the end of the night she is dancing to the beat of the music a little bit. So I take her by the hand and drag her onto the dance floor. Then my friends pull a routine that I have seen them do many times before for each other. One of them comes onto the dancefloor tells us that they have to meet some girls, but they will be right back. Then they leave. They are not going to come back.

I kiss her. I kissed her so many times tonight. After they left she pretty much jumped me. I try a new kiss that I forgot about, the deep kiss. Then I run my hand up her stomach and grab her breast. How many times in my life have I wondered what that would feel like? It felt absolutely amazing and it seemed to turn her on even more. I love women.

I broke off and just started dancing normally close to the end of the night. Then we met back up with me friends. When I got her back to her house she tried to bolt from the car. I made her give me an awkward hug first and then she was gone.

So I have no idea what to do. Who is going to escape the friendzone first? Me or her boyfriend? Should I call her, or should I just back off? I am assuming the hug at the end of the night is her way of saying she does not want a relationship. I don’t think anyone really thinks it is a good idea for me to try and get with her, but it seems silly to just give up when I seem to be doing better then I ever have before.

What am I doing wrong at the bar scene? Somehow I am doing better with Oneitis then I have with any girl in the bar. Something is really wrong with that.

 

[freefalling]

Week 30 Update (Back at the Bars)

I call Oneitis and she doesn’t return my call. I email her. Before we went out last week I made plans to go on a trip to the city this upcoming weekend. She writes back that we are still on. I write back for her to call me if she is bored. She doesn’t. I think she had plans this weekend. I never called her she never called me.

So I am getting kicked to the curb or she just wants to keep her distance so I don’t get attached to her. Either way it looks like I didn’t knock her out with my dance floor kissing.

I am still so happy I kissed her. It almost feels like I have been playing a game where I have been getting hopelessly shut out. And now I finally scored for the first time and there might be some hope after all that I am not going to lose out.

I think I was successful with her because I was desperate and I thought everything was over so I had nothing to lose.

A lot of the time with women I have been waiting for them to give me a sign that it is ok to take the next step. The problem is most of the time the sign never comes. What I should have been doing was making the first move. Slapping the girls ass, hugging her, kissing her whatever. Then after I make the move read the girls signs. If there is no negative reaction I need to make another move.

I was hoping I would do better with girls this weekend, but I didn’t. I missed Cinco de Mayo and the bar I went to on Saturday was pretty much deserted. There were chances, but I just didn’t take them.

I talked to a couple girls, but it went nowhere. I saw some girls and was to scared to talk to them. Some girl grabbed my inner thigh, but then she went over and started talking to some guys so I never tried with her.

I’ve been looking at other guys trying to figure out what would look good for the summer. Muscles seems to be what looks good. Sadly I don’t really have them. I guess I can try and work out harder and hopefully get some in the next month or two.

 

[freefalling]

Week 31 Update (I hate the friendzone)

I try and play it cool and avoid contacting Oneitis. Two days before our trip she text messages me. I text back that I can’t talk because I am at a comedy club. I can’t believe that I am actually doing something cool when she tried to get in touch with me! That night I talk to a friend of a friend who is a solid 8. I am not really impressed by her personality, but she is pretty. I don’t do anything with her in part because I am afraid that Oneitis will find out somehow and it will ruin things with her.

Friday I don’t go out to the bars because I was leaving early in the morning with Oneitis. One of the things we are going to do is see a play. When I pick her up I announce that I am paying for the tickets. She fights it at first, but then just seems to accept it.

Before the play we walk around the city forever. She is distant and not really responding to my touches. I make a sexual joke involving her and me. She responds by telling me that she doesn’t do that sort of things with friends.

So I am in the friend zone. I just got blown out of the water before the date even started. I didn’t stand a chance!

The play is good, but the whole time I am wondering about what to do with her. I don’t want to talk about the relationship, because that is suicide. I decide that I am just going to have to try and kiss her and pray somehow it works out. Afterwards she says that she is craving beer and we go to a restaurant bar. 3 beers later she is talking about some new guy she met. I start making backhanded insults about him, which I’m sure only telegraph my insecurity.

Then she starts talking about setting me up with one of her girlfriends. I don’t handle this well and get pissed. I tell her that obviously I don’t want anything to do with her girlfriend because I am interested in her. This of course sets up the relationship speech. It is suicide because up until now I have never been formally rejected. Once the rejection happens it’s almost like a line in the sand has been drawn and it’s almost impossible to cross that line.

I ask her if it is ok that I say that we are seeing each other instead of friends. I tell her I don’t want any commitment it’s so she will understand that when we are out it’s not cool for her to pick up another guy, as opposed to friends where it would be ok. I don’t really know where I was going with that…

The next part was painful to hear. She tells me that she doesn’t know. She says that she is kind of back together with her druggy boyfriend and he is sleeping over twice a week. Then she talks about the new guy and says she is seeing him too. She tells me she doesn’t really want to be a slut by seeing to many people.

The “lets just be friends” door is about to be slammed in my face. I feel like such a fool for getting so exciting about hanging out with her this is not how I imagined things would be. I tell her all I want to do is go on dates her. I don’t want it to lead anywhere, I just want to have fun. As I say the words I can’t help but imagine that her respect level for me is dropping. A guy who is desired by women would have told her to go screw herself and gone off to hook up with other girls until she changed her mind.

Ok, she says, I can do that.

I change the subject. I pay the bill for both of us when we leave the restaurant. For the rest of the night she is friendly and seems ok with me touching her. I don’t really touch her much because I am freaked out by the conversation and her rejecting me all day long. We get in my car and I lean in and kiss her for a little while. After not kissing a girl for years it always amazes me when she accepts my kisses. Then I drive her home and give her a hug before she leaves the car.

I am happy that she knows I am attracted to her. Things just seem so much more honest this way. I don’t really see of a way for things to work out for me. I wonder what combination of personality and looks makes those other guys so much more appealing to her.

My plan is to not contact her for weeks at a time then to take her out on dates that are super fun. Because weeks go by I should be able to do some cool stuff in between that time so I will have cool stories that and show me as excellent and make it seem like I have better things to do then hang out with her. I don’t really understand how doing this is actually going to fix anything, but it is my plan and I am sticking to it.

What will probably happen is she will end up committing to one of these guys enough to kick me to the curb, while I am gone she will just be spending more time with them and intensifying her relationship with them.

Oh well I am still happy I kissed her. Going 5 years without kissing a girl was horrible. Next week I am going on vacation. I remember the last vacation where I didn’t even know how to grind with a girl and I couldn’t remember how to kiss a girl. I guess I have made some progress.

 

[Charm]

You seemed to have put a lot out on the line and made your intentions too obvious. Once she knew she had you, she knew she could play you however she wanted. You don't want to be her emotional tampon and you seem to be letting her lead the direction of this relationship, rather than you taking the initiative and guiding its course.

You tried to "negotiate" the terms of the relationship with her in words, and in your mind, you think that by negotiating with her, things are more honest. Things would have been equally as honest if you had kept your mouth shut and shown her through your actions what your interests were. Instead, you were too scared to act it seems, and so you chose to try and use words in their place.

She easily rejects you. Save your money and super-fun date ideas for some new girls and make plans with them. You have the talent already shown to get out there and dance, turn a girl on, and land the kiss. What you are missing here is the fact that you are also turning girls off, by trying to be a negotiator. These aren't business meetings, they are intimate moments shared with someone who doesn't speak the language of a business board room, but instead wants a man to show her through her actions what he wants. Take more action oriented intiatives. Talking is important, but negotiating things is going to land you back in AFCville.

 

[freefalling]

Week 33 Update (I have sex on vacation... sort of)

I don’t think I talked to this girl for more then 15 minutes. Then I just leaned in and kissed her right in front of her friend. Luckily for me her friend seemed to be preoccupied with another guy.

I had approached her earlier. Your friend just got up and left you that’s pretty bad, I said. She went to the bathroom, she said. Then I ran away before she could reject me.

After the bar we were walking alone together on the beach. Her friend was supposed to meet us out here, but she never showed up. We talk about stuff that sounds deep to drunk people. I point out constellations and stop to kiss her every so often. She is only the fourth girl that I have kissed in my life.

My friend had gone and talked to them after I had run away. He came back and told me that her and her friend came from the same state as us. So I went back and asked her about it. It turns out that she is even going to the same college that I went to.

After the beach she took me to her room, we were staying at the same hotel. It was a tiny room compared to mine. I told her about the view in my room and asked her if she wanted to come up to my room. She agrees. I start running my hands all over her body and her clothes start coming off.

Oneitis is prettier, but this girl is still beautiful. She is thin with long blond hair. She has blue eyes and a pretty face. Her breasts are tiny, but they are still enough to be a handful. She is only 22. After it was over she asked my age, she thought I was 25, but she doesn’t seem upset that I am 30.

She asks me to **** her. I wonder if she is serious. I tell her I need to get protection. How many times in my life have I brought condoms and not used them? I’ve actually had them expire on me as the years went by.

We get into bed and I have trouble opening the condom wrapper. I finally get it open and the condom falls on the floor. I have to feel around for it on the floor in the dark. I finally find it and put it on. I wonder if my **** wont end up going limp, condoms don’t really agree with me.

I can’t believe a girl like this would even let me insider her. I think about how her life is just starting, how young she is and how old I am.

I actually manage to miss the first time. She guides me in with her hand. I’m nervous and I wonder if I’ll be able to get off. I hate condoms. Then it happens.

She tells me to stop because it hurts. She tells me that she is too dry. She says she is sorry. I tell her it is no big deal and I am happy just to hold her.

I have no idea why she was too dry or what it means. I got her number and I am supposed to call her. I’m not really sure what I should ask her to do for a date when I call. I am upset that things didn’t work out, but it was still a good experience.

As for Oneitis, I just didn’t know what to do. Somehow I escaped the friendzone box and I felt like she was trying to put me back in it. I wanted her to understand that there was no way I was going back. I expected the conversation would lead to us not talking, instead she agreed to see me.

So the bottom line is I have no idea what to do about anything.

 

[realsmoothie]

OK I've read or scanned this whole thread out of some kind of car-crash level interest, but it's actually pretty interesting.

I may be new here, and maybe this is going to sound mean, but you are WAY too good for this girl. She obviously doens't know what the heck she wants, and you want her.

It's not like you can't get anything else. You have already shown the cojones to do so with others, and are far better off than a good 75% of the other guys who peruse this board.

Yeah, yeah... I know... you want HER. Been there, done that, several times. Takes a while to get over, certainly.

 

[freefalling]

Week 34 Update (Confusion)

Was it all luck? No I guess not. If I was the same person I was 34 weeks ago in the same situation nothing would have happened. I would have just stood in the club not talking to anyone... or wait I wouldn't be at the club I would be playing computer games with my old friends.

Oneitis:
This is the closest I have ever come to getting free of her. It maybe true that one of the only ways to escape Oneitis is to **** another women. Now if I could only **** another women. We have not had any contact since I got dumped and she agreed to see me.

Vacation Girl:
I just looked at a picture of this girl and me. She really is beautiful. Back when I was trapped in my first long term relationship with a fat girl I would see girls like vacation girl and wonder what it would be like to be with a girl like that. Her personality is strange and almost childlike. She seems immature for her age. I call her and talk to her on the phone for a couple hours on Wednesday. I tell her I want to hang out. She tells me she needs to look at her new work schedule (she works strange hours) that is in the car. Then she goes on to tell me I am a nice guy, but she really wasn’t expecting to have anything from the cruise carry into her normal life.

It’s around this time I remember that when I asked her if she wanted to keep talking to me she didn’t say yes she said maybe.

She doesn’t seem interested in getting her schedule to tell me when she is working so I tell her to just call or text me when she gets it and get off the phone.

When I hang up I get that annoying sensation of wanting to cry, because I realize that both her and Oneitis are not working out and I have nothing left again.

Friday at 2:30 in the morning she text messages me asking me how my day was. I write her back. That changes to her telling me she wants to come over my place and have sex with me. I tell her to come over, she tells me I waited to long and she is going to get herself off starting now. That is followed by explicit text messages of what she would like me to do to her. Then she texts messages me goodnight.

Saturday at 10:00pm she text messages me goodnight. I write back a goodnight message she never responds. At 3:00am I text good morning to the girl who has the softest lips I have ever tasted. She texts me back at 9:00am saying that it was a beautiful text and she is going to go back to sleep just so she can dream about me holding her. I never text back.

She still hasn’t told me when she is free to hang out. I don’t have a clue what to do here.

There is a new girl too. She is supposed to go to a museum with me this upcoming week. She works at the desk at my gym. She is a short pretty brunette. I always got the feeling she liked me. I was telling her about my vacation and she told me about an exhibit she wanted to see at the museum, but had no one to go with. I told her I would go and we swapped numbers. She is supposed to get back to me.

 

[MrCode]

You are your own worst enemy!

Hey man,

First off, congrats, you really have made some massive progress in the course of your life described in this thread.

But seriously, stop being your own worst enemy!!!

You have girls practically throwing themselves at you but your tricky little mind finds some way to sabotage the situation. Get some control! Stop overanalyzing stuff so much!

You clearly are attractive to women. Stop acting like "you aren't worthy" and just internalize this idea: ALL WOMEN WANT YOU!!! Maybe not as much as they want me, but almost

Anyhow, good luck and I would suggest forgetting about your Oneitis. She represents your failed past and must be purged. Think about how many more girls like Vacation Girl are awaiting in your future!

 

[d9930380]

freefalling - Why to do go dude!

It sounds similar to my life over the last year or so except you're in a much better situation. I've had more kisses and shags but haven't increased by social situation or conquered my phobia of talking to strangers as well as you.

Quite frankly, it's an inspiration, you now seem to be able to go on dates, keep girls interested, know how to play them but more importantly have a life that a girl wants her boyfriend to have. You're not the boring guy who sits at home playing computer games all-day - like your old mates.

However - from these posts, you're main problem is not aproaching but closing. You're being the friend too much - It's the reason why you keep getting stuck in the zone. You think that's what the girl wants, or more to the point, she won't reject you if you come across as that.

Well - that's good to get your confidence up but you're going to have to take a risk because unless you do, it won't happen.

Try to take charge more and try to lead her to bed, shag her first and then the relationship will come. Once a girl has sex with a guy, it changes everything. You seem more her equal and she sees you as her equal. Just remember that.

As for oneitis because that's the one you want ;-)

Alot of what she's done has been to test you/taunt you, she sees you as a male companion, soemthing she doesn't get from these boyfriends of hers. She likes you because you're a nice guy and she can control you. She also doesn't respect you because you're a nice guy. Show her you have game, start telling her about the girls that you meet and score with, tell her about the one you shagged. Start putting her in the friendzone, then see how she responds from there. Make it look like your moving on.

If she starts increasing her sexual interest in you, make sure everything you respond to is to get this girl into bed. Therefore ignore them, unless you've been drinking, that way it will be easier to get her into bed from her advance. If drunk then don't act shy or nice but if she turns the heat up, turn it up even higher. If she then starts going cold, she was only doing it to go back to the status quo. So go even colder and put her in the friendzone again. Never get angry. If she starts turning up the heat again, make her turn it up higher this time before you respond by then trying to get her into bed. Don't give her ANY rewards for just kisses and hugs. Don't buy her anything, friends (that's all she is right now) don't buy each other things.

If she starts acting distant after playing by these rules then effectively you've told her I want more, I don't want to be just friends and I won't settle for less and she knows it. Her reason to have you as a "friend" will be gone. Then move on, she was NEVER interested in a romantic relationship with you, just a male friend that made her feel good about herself.

I hate to say it buddy, but it will probably won't work out the way you want to but at least you'll know and that will allow you to move on. Look at it this way: You never had her so don't think that you lost her.

Also don't worry about you both being drunk and that's the best time to nail her, her bf is a bum and borrows money of her. Sometimes you have to be a bit of a ****.

BTW - I'm not talking REALLY drunk where it's date rape, just a few to loosen her inhibitions.

Or... go for the blonde, she seems pretty sweet and you won't have the baggage if you get into a relationship with her. Remember oneitus will probably never make a good gf as she will probably never REALLY see you the way you see her, even if you do get to nail her. She will feel like she settled.

But hell man, way to do, it was a great thread to read. I hope you post the outcome.

Can we have the over/under bet for a relationship with the blonde - That's where I see this going.